All language subtitles for Crutch s01e06 The 147th Street Incident.eng

Crutch is filmed in front
of a live studio audience.

Jake!
We're out of dryer sheets.

I know you're putting
three in there.

That's way too much freshness.

Jake!

-Jake!
-Oh.

Oh, my bad. My bad, Dad.

I'm front row
at the Travis Scott concert.

How you gonna be at a concert
you in my living room?

Well, it's virtual reality.

That is not a concert.
That's laziness.

The fun of going to a concert is

all the stuff you got to
go through just to get there.

Do you mind telling me
how my generation sucks later?

He's about to do
"Butterfly Effect."

Dad, I was thinking about, uh...

About what, dryer sheets?

'Cause you kids are running
right through 'em.

No, I was thinking
about the business.

CRUTCH:
Okay.

What you got?

Well, I was hoping
for a better title.

That's not about the business.
That's about you.

Well, I just feel like

"social media manager" is
a little narrow, you know.

And-and it's a clunky acronym.

You know, "SMM" just doesn't
flow off the tongue.

How about "J-O-B"?

How does that flow?

What is it with you kids?

He wants to be at
pretend concerts,

and you want a pretend title.

I don't want a pretend title.

I want it to mean something.

Well, if you want a title, baby,
you got to earn it.

Okay.

Okay. Yeah.

Let's, uh... let's circle back
to that later.

Dad, Dad, you really
got to try this.

That was so intense.

I'm not putting that on my head.

Fine, suit yourself.
I got to go shower.

(sighs) Excuse me.

What you talking about
put this on my head?

He must be out of
his rabbit-ass mind.

Kids today.

Okay.

Oh, damn.

Jake! Where's the concert?

Oh, man, here we go.

Oh, uh-oh.
I'm on a snowy mountain.

Black man on a snowy mountain.
We in trouble.

Oh, I'm skiing now. Here we go.

(whooping)

(hollers)

(laughing):
Yeah!

Who says Black men can't ski?

* Tells it like it is *

* Crutch is here *

-* For friends, family, kids *
-CRUTCH: Yo, it's Francois!

-* Crutch is Crutchfield *
-* Crutch. *

Check it out.
Chess is like life.

It teaches you strategy,

and it teaches you how to get
into your opponent's head.

(laughs)
Chess is not like life at all.

That's why you suck at it, Jake.

No, seriously.

In chess, everyone starts off

with the same pieces
on a level playing field,

and that is not like life.

Not like life?

Nope.

Then how come
the white pieces go first?

That's 'cause chess is
more like America.

(knocking at door)

I'll get it.

Don't listen to your uncle.

You just remember
to protect your king.

Sounds like a patriarchy
to me.

Can I help you?

What's going on, man?

-It's Teddy Grams.
-Oh.

We spoke on the phone
about a legal situation.

Right, right, but, uh, I thought

we were going to meet later
at my office.

Ah, something came up.

Okay.

How you know where I live?

You're not a hard guy to find.

Okay. How can I help you?

I got a lot of revenue streams
that need protecting.

I can do that. Sure.

Uh, what type
of revenue, though?

Property?
Incorporating a business?

Ah, something like that.

Look, bro, I'm-a go ahead
and put you on retainer.

Yes, sir.

Well, I didn't agree
to take you on as a client.

-Mm-hmm.
-Um... (chuckles)

I can't accept this.

Accept what?

This is a bag full of money.

What money?

(laughs) You a wild boy.

(chuckles nervously)

Checkmate.

Down goes the patriarchy.

I must be a really good teacher.

Like you said,
chess is about strategy.

My strategy was to not tell you
I'm in Chess Club.

But that's lying.

Now I'm in my opponent's head.

Wait! Get out of my head!

* *

Do you know
who Teddy Grams' peoples are?

His uncle is Caleb Washington.

-Oh, that is not good.
-Wait, uh,

-who are y'all talking about?
-Yeah.

Caleb Washington.

He was the meanest kid
in Harlem.

He once set a fire truck on fire

just to see if a fire truck
would come put the fire out.

He was so confident,
when he robbed bodegas,

he would feed the cat
on the way out.

Jake, what are you doing
bringing this man's nephew

into our house,
where my kids live?

I didn't bring him.

He just showed up.

With a stack of cash?

We all know what that means.

Any legitimate client
would not be carrying around

a stack of cash in a paper bag.

I know that, Auntie.

That's why I went
to law school--

to handle situations like this.

Let me tell you something,
homey pastromey.

This is real life.

You might know the law,

but you do not know
the law of the jungle.

You is not Mufasa.

I grew up in Harlem, too, Dad.

Yeah, but you was in
Pokey-man Club.

First of all, it's Pok�mon.

Secondly, it's Anime Club.

And have you ever seen
One Piece? It's gangsta.

Yeah, you're proving
his point, nephew.

You get involved like this,

it just keeps going
deeper and deeper.

But we don't even know

if this has anything to do
with Caleb, though.

Well, if Caleb's nephew
got money back on the streets,

Caleb know about it.

So, where is this
Caleb Washington?

He's doing 25 to life
in Gardnersville.

I do shifts up there sometimes.

You know what?
I'm gonna give Teddy a call,

give him his money back,
and this will all go away.

No. 'Cause if he's working
for his uncle,

you got to go to the top
of the food chain,

and the top is Caleb.

Okay, then I'll make
an appointment

at Gardnersville to see Caleb.

Yeah, well,
then I'm going with you.

I-I can't bring you, Dad.

You're a civilian.

Well, tell them I'm your father.

They're going to say,

"Tell your father
to wait in the car."

Jake is right-- the only person

who can go inside with him
is his paralegal.

I'm your paralegal.

You are not going
to let this go, are you?

No.

'Cause if you can't handle me,

I know you can't deal with
an old-school guy like Caleb.

(chuckles) Dad,

I talk to incarcerated people
all the time.

It is a part of my job.

Yeah, but you've never talked
to Caleb.

Plus, I'm not gonna shut up
until you agree to take me.

(stammering)

Ah, fine.

Fine, you can be my paralegal.

Are you happy?

Grab me a cup of coffee, Frank.

No.

I'm off the clock right now.

I don't start till tomorrow.

Plus, my legs are beat up
from skiing.

I took gold.

* *

Good morning, Flaco.

Good morning.

Look who's all dressed up.
(laughs)

Not necessary.

Well, I believe you've got to
dress for the title you want.

Oh, I get it-- you're doing
that manifesting thing again.

Yeah, good luck with that.

What's with the box?

Oh, I just thought I'd add some
of my personality to the office.

And, um, some calming oils
to lift the mood.

(sniffs deeply) Freshen the air.

It'll make the store
more inviting.

Yeah.

Calming oils really agitate me.

Well, you know, I was thinking.

Why don't we, like,
expand our clientele?

You know, after my success
with the rugs, I...

You mean our success?

-Well, yes, of course.
-(both chuckle)

Um, I mean,
I already have my first...

(clears throat)

Our first appointment coming in.

They found us through
our new company Instagram page.

Look, I know
I make it look easy,

but it's
a very complicated business.

Oh, well, sales are just sales,
Flaco. (chuckles)

I thought you were trying
to get the bag.

-We're here.
-Yo.

-Are you "Ja-my-lah"?
-It's "Ja-mill-ah."

-Oh, hey, Jamilah.
-(Jamilah laughing)

-How are you?
-JAMILAH: Good.

And you must be Aiden,
and you must be Madison.

-Yes.
-You can just call us Aidison.

JAMILAH:
Oh.

Oh, I get it.

"Aidison."

BOTH:
Yes.

Why don't we all just
take a seat

-at the table...
-Thank you.

...and we can see
what you're looking for.

Hey, folks, are you guys
looking for throw rugs?

Oh. Throw rugs.

Um, those gross me out.

They're like zoos for germs.

Well, here's the zookeeper,
Jamilah.

She does throw rugs.

I'm the expert
on hardwood and tiles.

Oh, well, then you're the one
that we want to talk to.

I'm the one
they want to talk to.

*

I really don't get it.

I don't understand
why they took my belt

and let you keep yours.

'Cause I'm an attorney

and I have a different
security clearance than you.

Yeah, well, paralegals
need to unionize.

You know, I worked my whole life

for me and you
to avoid places like this.

Now look, we're locked up
all because of you.

This next part
is called a mantrap.

It's kind of like
entering a jewelry store

but they take
all your valuables.

Oh, that's not that bad.

(buzzer blares)

-(door rattling shut)
-Yo! Yo!

Get me out of here!

Hey, hey, you need
to calm down, Frank.

Sorry, guys.

It's his first time
in a mantrap.

More crowded than
the A Train up here.

Get your hand out of my pocket!

(buzzer blares)

Jake, good to see you again.
Welcome back.

(imitating Hannibal Lecter):
Hello, Clarice.

Is this your paralegal?

This is Frank.

He a little wet behind the ears,
but he'll get the hang of it.

He looks incompetent to me.

Shoot, I thought
you was an inmate.

Listen, I'm stationed
right there

outside the glass,
and I can communicate

with you through the intercom.

You cannot touch him.

He cannot touch you.

And don't make any sudden moves.

Hello.
I'm attorney Jake Crutch...

You ain't my lawyer.

What, you with the DA?

FBI? Literary agent?

'Cause, uh, got my manuscript
back in my cell if you...

No, actually.

No, uh, we have
a few questions for you.

I don't know you, and I don't
care about your questions,

and I ain't talking
to some kid lawyer.

You're sure saying a lot
for a guy who ain't talking.

You look real familiar to me.

Where I know you from, huh?

This is, uh, my paralegal,
Frankie.

You look kind of old
to be a paralegal.

Career transition, you know?

Never too late for you
to follow your dreams.

Why are y'all wasting my time?

What? You got a hot date?

Sit your ass down, inmate.

I knew I recognized
that smart mouth from somewhere,

Francois Crutchfield.

Jake, the jig is up.

What's up, Caleb?

Been a minute.

Wait, wait, wait.

You-you two know each other?

(sirens blaring)

What's that siren mean?

It don't mean lunch,
that's for sure.

Son, we gotta get out of here.

Son?

We having
a small prison emergency.

You guys'll be safe in here.
The door will be locked.

(men shouting in distance)

Well, look like I do got
a hot date after all, huh?

* *

Hmm, interesting.

So, you're saying
none of these options could work

for postmodern minimalism

or Renaissance meets revolution?

Don't point at me when you say
Renaissance meets revolution.

I'm the postmodern minimalist.

(laughing):
Come on.

MADISON:
Okay, why does everything

have to be white and plain?

I'm searching for a vibe.

Yes, you said that 12 times.

Now 13.

Whoa. This...

this energy
is not very productive.

Well, maybe there's a way
to combine both styles.

-(bangs tiles)
-(shouts)

Excuse me, Flaco.

Allow me to bail you out.

What if we combine

this white base molding

with this marble flooring?

Oh, now, this
is an interesting vibe. Okay.

-I love the sapphire veins.
-Oh, yeah.

Score one for
"throw rug girl." Ow.

I have sapphire shooting
through my veins

right now.
(strained chuckle)

Can you tell me
where the marble was sourced?

JAMILAH:
Um, well...

(chuckles) ...let me see.

Uh, I would like
to get that for you.

I just need to, uh...

Learn the difference between
marble and quartzite.

Stick to rugs.

(laughs)

This is quartzite.
It's very durable,

and this type
is manufactured, not sourced.

Ooh, I love that.

That'll reduce
our carbon footprint.

AIDAN:
Manufactured quartzite?

I don't even know
who you are anymore.

These two, am I right?

If you would have
let me handle it,

I would've had this in the bag.

What are you talking about?

You couldn't answer any of
their most basic questions

about these materials.

Well, at least I read
a recent style magazine.

You couldn't find their vibe
in the middle of Coachella.

This energy is not productive.

* *

Dad, how do you know Caleb?

Yeah, Dad,

tell him how you know me.

We grew up
in the same neighborhood

at the same time,
had the same paper route.

(chuckles)
Same paper route, huh?

Nah, it's a little bit
more than that.

What's he talking about?

Back then, the neighborhood
was a lot smaller.

Everybody knew each other.

Put it to you like this:

We had a guard on
the inside of the bank on 147th.

We was gonna hit
all the safety deposit boxes.

Job went perfect,

but our ride didn't show up.

Do you know how hard it is

to lug 80 pounds
of cash and jewelry

on the A train?

Why didn't you take a cab?

I think about that every day.

And after you beat that case,

you didn't learn your lesson.

You turned around
and ran a big drug empire.

I think about that
every day, too.

How am I just
finding out about this?

'Cause it was
before you was born.

I can't believe you were
part of a bank robbery.

No, no, no, he wasn't.

He was supposed to be,

and his ass didn't show up.

I was a kid,

just got my learner's permit

and I wasn't allowed
to drive without an adult.

Nah, man.

You ain't show up
'cause you soft.

Soft?

Okay.

Well, you know something,

I looked at your file,
Caleb Washington.

And, uh,

it says here you helped

20 inmates get their GED.

-Yeah, they struggle
with vowels. -JAKE: Yeah, and

you lead Bible study
on Wednesdays.

I'm one of God's vessels.

And you bake for the guards?

Uh, all that's in my file?

Yes, you got blueberry muffins

on your permanent record.

So, you see something,

joining gangs
and committing crimes is easy,

but you know what's hard?

Raising two kids in Harlem,

looking out for your community,

and running
your own legit business.

There's nothing soft about that.

Kid got some stones, Crutch.

But look, your nephew Teddy

dropped off a bag of cash
to try to get me on retainer.

That's why you here?

Mm-hmm.
I'm not that type of lawyer,

so you got to tell him
to take it back.

Well, I don't put cash on
the street like that no more.

And I don't know
what Teddy's into.

I thought he was straight,
but if you saying

he got cash
on the street, then...

I don't know.

You don't kn--

Wait.

So, you're not
the top of the food chain?

And I could have just
talked to Teddy

like I wanted to
in the first place?

That's what I would have did.

Uh-uh. Uh.

Your blueberry muffin ass
ain't gonna do nothing.

'Cause you locked up.

I'm gonna do something
you can't do.

I'm-a go home.

(straining)

That'd have been fly
if the door wasn't locked.

* *

Take a look at
this Brazilian mahogany.

Oh, yeah, let's just
destroy the rainforest. Great.

What about vinyl, huh?
Easy to clean,

never goes out of style.

Well, it's never in style.

Sorry, I do not do vinyl.

Well, you sure have
a lot of records

for someone
who doesn't do vinyl.

This is not working.

Of course it isn't working.

You won't let me do my job.

-You're right.
-I am?

Flaco, we need to be allies.

No, I think it's better
we just team up.

* *

JAMILAH:
Is that order ready yet, Flaco?

-They're on their way
to pick it up. -Sure thing.

Hey, what's on the cart?

Oh, that's for another customer.

They're having their house

remodeled for
Architectural Digest.

-(gasps)
-Architectural Digest,

the holy grail
of hipster aesthetic?

I want to see.

With these big customers,

we sign privacy agreements.

But maybe you can
give them a little peek?

Mmm.

30 years in the business,

I've never given anyone a peek.

Well, come on, Flac Flac.
It's "Aidison."

Yeah. Come on... Flac Flac.

All right,
but this did not happen.

The style of this job
is Harlem Authentic.

Um, yeah.
We want Harlem Authentic.

Yeah, there's nothing more
authentically Harlem than us.

How much is the other
customer paying for it?

'Cause we could pay double.

I just have to call my dad.

Well, you do that,

and we'll give you five minutes
to give us an offer.

-Thank you.
-Yeah.

(laughs)
Good job, partner.

There's a lot of gold
in these weirdos.

You know, Flaco,
I finally figured out

what I think my title should be.

-Partners?
-Aw, that's very sweet, Flaco.

But what I was gonna actually
say was "Queen of Vibes."

I like that.

The notorious Q.O.V.

Uh...

* *

All right, listen,
when Teddy gets in here,

do not say anything.

Let me handle this.

-It's all on you, son.
-All right.

But as your paralegal,

I'm in charge of your backup.

ANTOINETTE:
And you ain't gonna hear

nothing from me.

I let my taser
do all the talking.

We should stretch
before the event begins.

Ow. (mutters)

(entry bells jingle)

-Teddy...
-What?

-We need to talk.
-Yeah, yeah, we do.

There's been a misunderstanding.

There sure has.

My uncle Caleb called my house

and told my momma that
you visited him in prison.

She came to my room and
yelled at me for five minutes.

Yeah, I still
stay with my momma.

There's no judgment, man.

Look, I don't know what
y'all think is going on.

I just want a lawyer to help me
with some VC I got coming in.

VC? I don't know that gang,

but if they want smoke,
they can get it, too.

Wait, wait. Hold on, Pop.

VC?

Like, venture capital?

Yes.

Yes. The reason I need a lawyer

is because I got some guys
who want to partner with me

for a new app
that I've developed.

But, wait-wait.

When you came to my house,

you were acting
so mysterious and dodgy.

Yeah, that's because
the old heads in my family

told me that's how
you retain a lawyer.

Drop by their house
and don't show 'em

who you truly are
until you trust them.

So you were just acting?

Yeah.

Do you know how scary it was

carrying around all that cash
when I could have just

sent it to you online?

Oh, man.

I feel you on that.

I also got issues

with an old head not trusting me

to do things on my own.

I guess we should have just
trusted our instincts.

So, wait, hold on. Why'd y'all
come in deep like this?

Oh, well, this is Pepper.
He's my software engineer.

-He helped me develop the app.
-Nice to meet you.

This is Julian.
He's the project manager.

And this right here,

this is my best friend, Chris.

-I'm very supportive.
-Oh.

He's very supportive.

Wait, but hold up, man.
I thought you were doing

all things under the radar.

What made you think that?

I mean,
we're meeting in a closed

flooring store after hours,

and your security
won't stop mean mugging me.

Oh, uh, she can't help herself.

I'm Aunt Toni, baby.

It's nice to meet you.

And congratulations on
all your success.

I'm Flaco.
I'm the Chris of this group.

If you're not
pushing all that weight,

why is your name Teddy Grams?

Oh, they used to call me that
at computer camp

because I was always
disabling the cookies.

(laughs)

Damn, Crutch, you pretty tough.

You almost beat up
The Big Bang Theory.

*

* *

Look at us,

two attorneys sitting here,

basking in the glow of justice.

Except you're not an attorney.

You're a paraleg--
You're not even a paralegal.

Well, I was today,
and I killed it.

Yeah, yeah, you did.

But I am still going to have
to let you go as my paralegal.

Consider this
your exit interview.

Hmm. You can keep this job.

I'm gonna stick to linoleum.

MISS PEARL:
Did I just hear

that there's a job
for a paralegal?

You know, my r�sum� is fire.

But I'm gonna need Thursdays off

and Harriet Tubman's birthday.

What day is that?

I don't know.

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org

* Sometimes life can deal you *

* A messed-up hand *

-* But when it hits the fan *
-* Hits the *

* Never fear *

* The Crutch is here *

* Crutchfield, Crutchfield *

* He keeps it real *

-* Crutchfield, whoa! *
-* Whoa! *

GIRL:
What's that, bro bro?

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