Original subtitles

[Music]

Hello and welcome back to another

special presentation from Triangulum

Audio Studios. In today's freshly

archived video, we are once again taking

a look at some Star Trek parodies. This

time from the Carol Bernett Show. The

Carol Bernett Show starred, well, Carol

Bernett, considered a comedy genius of

her time along with Harvey Corman, Vicky

Lawrence, and Lyall Wagner. Tim Conway

would also be such a frequent and funny

guest star that he would officially

become part of the cast after Wagner

left the show. The show originally ran

on CBS from September 11th, 1967 until

March 29th, 1978, with a few revivals

popping up now and then. And in 2013, TV

Guide ranked the Carol Bernett Show

number 17 on its list of the 60 greatest

TV shows of all time. Today, we're

taking a look at two parodies from the

show, with the second one being a very

different kind of Trek parody. The first

parody was actually from a short-lived

revival of the Carol Bernett show in

1991. And although this revival was

short-lived, lasting only a couple of

months, this treasure it brought us

certainly will live on. I hope you

enjoy.

Captain's log. Start date 4326.5.

The Enterprise has passed through the

mysterious Estrogena 7 anomaly. I can't

help but feel that something is very,

very wrong.

Spock.

[Music]

>> Yes, Captain Spock. I have a hunch that

something has happened to us.

Kirk to sick bay. McCoy here.

>> Bones, I need you on the bridge.

>> Now, Jim, I have a roast in the oven.

phones.

>> Oh, all right,

>> Captain. Nothing appears to be wrong. I

show all systems functioning at optimum

levels.

That's

[Music]

odd.

[Music]

I've gone over the work break from stem

to stern and me little be are working

perfectly off but you've got to come do

engineering and take away look

we've redone the whole place I put a

pasley wallpaper

they're everywhere you look

>> hold of yourself

I'm Sorry.

[Applause]

Come. Come. I think I need a scotch.

Maybe a white wine.

Maybe a spritzer.

I feel hot tonight.

[Music]

What is it, Jim? Oh.

Hold that. I I think there's something

wrong with me. Damn it, Jim. I'm a

doctor, not a Well, I guess I am a

doctor. Come on, let's have a look.

[Music]

That's odd. Swollen ankles, slight

bloating, salt craving. I'm not bloated.

Extreme irritability. Jim, I'm so

Someone on this ship must have some

answers. Well, hurry up.

>> Yeah.

Have you made contact with Starfleet

Command?

>> Oh, I uh I forgot.

>> You forgot? You forgot?

>> Yeah, I forgot. So,

>> simple thing to do.

>> The Federation count.

>> Stop it, you two. Stop it. Stop it.

>> It's just all too much. I can't stand

this constant bickering.

Oh my god.

[Music]

>> Captain, Captain Logic has been

overwhelmed by a flood of powerful and

conflicting emotions.

>> Spock, I'm I'm sure there's something

wrong with us, with with me. Spock, use

the Vulcan mind.

>> Of course, Captain.

Our minds are becoming one. Your

thoughts are my thoughts. Strange. A

flood of unusual images. Low-fat yogurt.

Fabulous shoe sales.

And something else.

Spark. I have breasts.

Captain.

So do I.

[Music]

Spock. Would you do that one more time?

>> Certainly, Captain.

Great. Take a gander at these puppies.

>> Talk about where no man has gone before.

>> You won't believe what I got.

>> Great puppy. You think I know what it

is. All the men on this ship have been

changed into women. Some more attractive

than others, of course, but women.

Except for you.

Sock, take over the bridge. I think I

have to go to the ladies room.

>> You're going. I'm going to come along,

too.

Let's all go.

Get the cling on battle for four. Take

evasive action.

[Music]

You have to drive like a maniac. Captain

vessel is handing us. Colot. Damn. This

is what I was wearing the last time he

attacked you.

Unscreen, Lieutenant.

So,

Captain Kirk,

>> Commander Kolaf, my old adversary. You

know, you have the most incredible brown

eyes.

>> I won't fall for your clever tricks,

Kirk. We will attack in three of your

Earth minutes.

[Music]

>> Check off. Change course to 46.3 Mark 8.

But captain, that will force the

Klingons through the Estrogena 7

anomaly.

>> Exactly.

>> Captain, call up the sailing.

>> Very well, Lieutenant. On screen.

>> You know, Captain, I may have been too

hasty about this.

Instead of all of this war thing, why

don't the two of us get together? Maybe

take an aerobics class, get some

cappuccino.

Hold on. I think what's happened to us

as we're in a new age now as women.

Perhaps our peoples can settle

differences with dialogue and compassion

instead of resorting to violence.

Together, we can truly make a galaxy a

kinder, gentler place.

Kirk out.

Did you see what she was wearing?

[Applause]

This second parody is actually from

1967. and is a hard to find, seldom

viewed, different approach to Trek.

Before Star Trek itself and its parody

mannerisms had been identified and used

time and time again throughout pop

culture. So check it out.

[Music]

This is the spaceship Intrepid, the

guardian of our planetary system, boldly

trekking the vast regions of outer space

in search of a higher TV rating.

Tonight's episode,

Who's Afraid of Virginia Robot?

[Music]

Hello, Earth. This is Captain Quirk.

Report your position, Captain.

>> Our destination is Orion X Galaxy. We're

at an altitude of 2,000 mi, cruising

speed of 800 mega per second. Over.

>> Here is a top priority message. Beware

of

>> sleeping lunar.

We've lost communication with Earth.

Lieutenant Commander Spook on the

double.

His super sensitive hearing will detect

the problem in no time.

[Applause]

Ah, smoke.

>> You know I get migraine ears.

>> Sorry.

>> We've lost communication.

>> We've stopped.

>> All right, I'll try it.

>> No,

>> we've lost communication.

>> We've lost communication.

>> I can't hear what you're talking about.

>> We've lost communication with Earth.

>> So,

and pick up the transmission with your

super sensitive hearing. Right. For

heaven's sake.

>> Well, what is Earth saying?

>> I can't tell now. There's a train going

by.

>> Got it. You got it.

>> What did space control say?

>> Earth said with through space control

that the red planets are sending a robot

to destroy our spaceship and don't pick

up any hitchhikers.

Um, please lower your fists. Sorry. Can

I have an aspen, please? Two asp.

>> Oh, here you go. Thank you very much.

Little water.

[Music]

>> Wait a moment. What is it? I hear

someone's flying around the spaceship.

Are you sure, Spook? Someone is flying

around the spaceship.

>> She wants to come in. Yes. Come in. Use

the service entrance. Use the service

entrance over here.

>> Are you mad, Spook? That must be the

robot space control legend.

>> Don't be illogical. That's a plane lady

fighting around in space.

>> Hi. My spaceship broke down and I

thought perhaps you could give me a

lift.

Did you hear that? I told you she was a

robot.

>> Oh, robot? What are you talking about?

She's just a heavy lady in tap shoes.

That's all.

>> Listen,

>> I am Virginia robot and you're a man and

you are gorgeous and I am madly

attracted to you.

>> You can't be You cannot be attracted to

me. It's impossible. You're a robot.

You're you're steel. your your nuts and

bolts. I mean, you can't be attracted to

me. I mean, I'm I'm flesh and blood. You

can't be attracted to me. You could be

attracted to a bus or a car wash,

something like that. You can't be

attracted to me. I'm I'm flesh and

blood. I could

I couldn't be attracted to you. I am

strangely. I'm being drawn to you. It's

It doesn't make sense. You're You're

steel and metal and I'm I'm flesh and

blooded. Yet, I I I

have a strange feeling that I I I love

you. I'll say it. I love you. Now you

say it back to me. Say I love you back

to me.

>> I cannot say that. I am not programmed

to say that. I can only say I like you.

>> I like you.

>> Yes.

>> What am I going to do but I like you?

What is that?

>> That's all I can say.

>> The captain likes me. What is that?

>> I mean I want you to say about love.

>> I cannot say that. I am not programmed

to say that.

>> All right. I'll tell you what. Want to

take a chance?

Uh, where's your uh control panel?

>> Oh.

>> Mhm.

>> In my back.

>> Mhm.

>> Do you uh you mind if I make an

adjustment?

>> Only if you'll respect me afterwards.

>> Of course.

>> I mean, you're not going to go blabbing.

>> Don't say a word. Just open your can

control panel. Hey, you're really built.

>> I was hoping you would be pleased.

>> Oh, yeah. This is no Japanese job.

Yes, sir. You're a custommade job. Now,

uh I'd like to uh before I make the

adjustment, I have like to ask you a

question. Now, this is kind of a

personal thing. Now, you can either

answer it or not answer. It's up to you.

But, you know, it's kind of personal.

So, you don't have to answer it. If you

want to you want to answer it, it's

okay. But you know, it's up to you. I'm

going to ask you a question now. Are you

AC or DC?

>> AC.

>> Is it all right?

>> It's not just me. It's my family.

They'll be so pleased.

Let me find out AC. Here we go. All

right. Just say I love you. Hey, you try

it.

>> I love you.

>> No, not trying to take that little base

out.

Too much tum trouble to take the base up

a little.

>> I love you.

>> You said it. You said it lousy, but you

said it. Good. Let's try it again.

>> I love you.

>> That's it.

>> I love you.

>> And I love you.

>> I really love you.

stream.

>> Get away from us, Spook. I just got word

from Earth. She's a walking bomb sent

here to destroy our spaceship.

>> That's not true, Captain. You're not a

walking bomb, are you?

>> Yes.

>> I suppose now that you know this, you

will throw me aside.

>> I wouldn't throw you anywhere. I

wouldn't I wouldn't touch you.

>> There's only one thing for it, Spook.

You'll have to dismantle her.

>> What?

>> Yes.

>> Dismantle the the machine I love.

>> You've got to do it. It's the only way

for the good of mankind.

>> I won't do it. For the future of the

entire universe.

>> You won't do it.

>> If you don't, you'll be blown to bits.

>> Now you're talking.

>> I go off in 60 seconds. There's no time

for that.

>> Oh, there's only one thing for me to do.

I'll sacrifice myself. I'll throw myself

into space.

>> No. No, you can't. Look, I just found

love.

>> Don't you understand? If I don't do

that, you'll be blown to bits.

>> I forgot that. That's the main thing.

>> No more will I look on those beautiful

ears and think of our wonderful lives to

together. Farewell. This is the end.

>> That was close, huh?

Oh, we could have meant so much to each

other. You were the saints decree that

our love could not be. Oh, it's a far

far better thing I do now. Just remember

that I always love you.

Hey, wait.

>> I I felt that surge. Spook. Are you mad?

It's almost time. I felt a surge.

>> No. No. We shall meet again someday. I'm

just a machine. My My parts are

immortal. Nuts and bolts and a hank of

hair. Sugar and spice and everything

nice and a bomb. I shall return again in

another form. Farewell, my love. Bombs

away.

[Music]

Well, that's it. Virginia's gone.

The only machine I ever loved.

Gone.

>> Watch it.

>> Is that you, Virginia?

>> Yes. I told you I would come back in

another form.

>> I love you.

>> What have you got? Give me that. Get

away from me, Captain. Get your own land

now.

Well, thank you for watching today's

very special presentation. I hope you

enjoyed these amazing treasures. And

what did you think of these parodies?

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description below. Thanks again for

watching. Live long and prosper.

[Music]