Original subtitles

EATER!

I never meant it to go this far.

Come on, you putz. I need a dick, and I need it hard and fast.

It's not fair to Susan, Jeannie.

This is wrong.

How can something that feels so good be so wrong?

Now hurry up and fuck me.

I love my wife, and here I am screwing around with her best friend.

Susan would leave me if she ever... Oh, Martin, don't lay that guilty trip on

me. You two -bit fart -smeller. If your marriage was so picture -perfect, I

wouldn't have gotten this far.

Jeannie may be my best friend, but I'm not her mother.

If the only reason she hops in bed with you is because of that wedding band,

then you tell me who's wrong.

All I want is eight inches of your marriage, and I want you to shove it

Don't stop!

Oh, God, I'm coming. Oh.

Oh, genie, don't stop.

Oh, God, I'm coming. Oh, genie. Oh, that feels good.

Oh, God, I'm coming. I need all of your face.

Oh. Oh, I've never come this much before.

Oh, genie.

Oh, my God, it must be gallons.

Oh, that feels good.

Oh.

Over your face.

Oh!

Oh, my God, I don't think I'm going to stop.

Oh, I love this feeling.

Oh,

God, I'm coming.

Oh, Jeannie.

Oh,

I'm going to come to you.

Oh, that feels good.

Susan!

Susan!

Susan! I came for you, aren't I?

Susan! Susan, wait, wait. I can explain.

Don't go away.

Oh, shit.

My wife.

My marriage.

Going around with my wife's best friend.

God, am I an asshole.

Martin, you're not an asshole. Just a fucking schmuck. Your marriage is crap.

You should be able to play around if you want to.

No.

The marriage is over.

Jeannie. Yeah?

Would you do me a favor?

Sure, what is it?

Wipe the cum off your face.

Sure, honey. Anything you want.

I just don't know what I did wrong. What you did wrong?

I thought Martin was unfaithful to you. Well, I guess.

But I must have driven him to it.

Something I did or didn't do.

It must be me.

What do you mean?

Sex. What?

Sex!

I know Martin doesn't love Jeannie, but she was giving him something I could

never give.

You mean love?

No. A good blowjob.

It never occurred to me that Martin wasn't happy with our sex life.

I mean, I never even thought of working at it.

But it seems that's what Martin wants.

Doctor, do you think I'm too inhibited?

Well, what do you think, Susan?

I don't know.

I'll admit I feel very uncomfortable sexually when I try to please Martin.

Maybe you tried too hard to please your husband and not hard enough to please

yourself. What would please you, Susan?

What would please me?

Winning Martin back would please me.

What's standing in your way?

I don't know.

Well, think about it, Susan.

My sexuality?

Well, that's the problem we're going to tackle head on.

In order to win Martin back, you must lose all your sexual inhibitions.

Think of it, Susan.

Think about losing your sexual inhibitions.

Why not?

Because.

Just because.

That's no reason, Susan.

You want to win Martin back. Yes.

Well, you're going to have to earn it. What could you do to win Martin back?

I guess I could change my sexual appetite.

I'm pretty, I guess.

Maybe I could be desirable.

You need more confidence in yourself in order to win him back. You're not

comfortable with your own sexuality.

Okay, Phil, you're right. But what do I do to change?

Here, call this number and ask for Chi -Chi. Maybe she can be of some

to you.

Chi -Chi?

This is it?

Aren't you going to prescribe some pills or something?

The only thing I can prescribe for you, Susan, are birth control pills.

But seriously, doctors wouldn't hesitate in giving you feel -good pills.

Too many women in this country are hooked on uppers and downers because

fail to perform their duty.

I believe in purely natural solutions.

Trust me, Susan. Do yourself a favor and call Chi -Chi.

Okay.

Oh, hello.

Hello, Chi -Chi.

Phil suggested I call.

I'm not disturbing you, am I?

Oh, no. You might save him in the middle of lunch.

Aye, aye, aye, aye.

Well, you see, I've got this problem, and I...

Excuse me?

You're not tied up, are you?

What's the address?

Got it.

I'll see you tonight.

Bye -bye, honey.

Another problem.

They all come to Chi -Chi.

But now Chi -Chi will come to you.

I lived alone for so long, clinging to older things.

Hi, Susan.

I mean, Jeannie. Jeannie, I'm sorry. I call you Susan all the time. Hey,

it's Rita.

Huh? Rita.

Rita. Well, where the hell is Jeannie?

She's out. I'm supposed to cook dinner for you. Oh, fine.

Don't throw my coat at me.

I'm supposed to cook dinner for you. Dinner?

Look, God damn, I had a tiring day at the office. I wanted to come home and

a nice dinner with Jeannie. First Susan leaves, then Jeannie is not here, Reed

is here. What's going on? You want your dinner? Shut up!

Well, I just don't understand what's going on here. I don't understand it at

all. What's this garbage doing on the table?

Garbage? Yeah.

Well, this is your dinner.

This is your salad.

These are your potatoes.

And for the piece of resistance,

chicken.

Now, how do you like that?

I like it over easy.

Ungrateful bastard.

Do you know how hard I worked to make this dinner? Dinner?

You call that dinner?

I don't care if you volunteer or not. I'll tell you what I'm going to do with

you. What do you think you're going to do? I have had it. I have had it. You

understand?

You're a disgrace to the art of cooking, you little bitch.

Now, I'm not going to eat your shit that you call a

dinner. But I tell you what I'm going to eat, baby, and you're going to love it.

No, you're not going to touch me.

I love you, sweetie.

You've got to eat dinner now. I'm hungry too.

Come here.

Who is -

That's for dessert.

I've already had my dessert.

I love you, Susan.

Jeannie.

You like the...

brand of tea, don't you, Gloria?

Oh, I just love it. It's my favorite.

Care for any lump?

Oh, only down my throat.

Don't mind Gloria.

She's my apprentice.

You can confide in her.

Well, I... You see, it's very personal.

Don't worry, honey. We've all been there. So you want to be a little bit

outgoing in the sex department, eh?

Well, I guess you could say I'd like the sex department to be a little more

ingoing.

But I don't know how.

How?

I'll tell you how. Because Chi -Chi was made for fucking, sucking, and

everything else.

And she's going to show you how good it is. I'm not so sure I want to.

Sure you are. What harm could it do? It might even do you some good.

Well, if that's what Martin wants... Okay, what do I do?

First trust me, then explore.

How do you feel?

Pretty good.

A bit tired.

From Chi Chi?

But do you feel more confident?

Well, I guess.

But I keep thinking about Martin. What's he doing?

Could I really change for him?

Are you ready to try? Not yet.

I'm going to the movies tonight, though. It's an exercise Chi Chi gave me.

She calls it a confidence builder.

Good luck.

Oh, that rocked out of my jacket.

Good.

I want to say for Jesus, oh, oh, say for Jesus, say for Jesus, say for Jesus.

So now you've done it. The zipless fuck.

It was dark.

No one knew you. You didn't know them.

So, how was it?

I've got to admit, it was a real turn on.

I get goosebumps just thinking about it.

Hey, if you think that was good, just wait until tonight. Tonight? What's up?

Hopefully everybody.

Now we're going to see how you do with the lights on.

I'll drink to that.

Relax,

honey. Just do as we do.

Now, walk this way.

This song is on.

And you will see just how funky it's done.

Give it to ya in one big honk.

Call this band.

Call them Hot Balls.

Hot Balls, y 'all.

Hot Balls. Better than funky time. Now come on.

Care to light my fire, big boy?

Sure, baby.

Hey, big boy, do you have something I can pop on?

Yeah, about nine inches, baby.

Hey, baby, do you have a big fat butt for me?

Huh?

Oh, sure.

Pardon me.

Actually, I'd rather put something in your mouth, but... Would you come here

often, big boy?

I can come anywhere, sweetheart.

How about a drink?

Not nice. I already got one.

Oh, you.

Oh, look.

Waiter. So what's your action, baby?

Promo director.

Option broker.

Salesman. How big?

Well, in the words of a one -armed fisherman, that big.

Ooh.

I can give you seven inches if I fold them in half, baby.

Like this little toe. Eight times a night for you, baby.

Only under a local anesthetic.

Can't you give me 12 inches and make it hurt?

Well, only if I fuck you three times and punch you in the stomach.

Three times four is 12.

Where to?

Up to my place. Up to my place. Up to my place, baby.

Hello there.

We made this house.

How do you feel today?

Really good.

A little warm, though. How about you?

I'm fine. Are you ready to give it a try now?

Sure, I'm ready. Are you?

I mean to try and win Martin back. Face -to -face confrontation.

Oh, sure.

In fact, I'm going to take both Martin and Jeannie on at the same time.

Do you think that's wise?

Are you sure you can handle it?

Honey. I can handle anything now. Anything? Just relax.

Isn't that what you're always telling me to do?

I want to show you all the things I've learned thanks to you.

I want to have a party in my mouth, Bill. And I want you to be the first to

come.

My pussy is dripping just thinking about you.

Tastes good.

But what I really want to taste is that rod between your thighs.

How would you like that?

Well,

I guess I would like it. Then I'll do it.

No, wait a minute, Susan.

Now, take it easy. Remember, I'm your doctor.

I have my professional ethics to think of.

They never said anything about this at the psychiatrist convention.

Oh, yes.

You're doing nicely, Susan.

Your therapy is progressing very nicely.

Oh, yes.

I love biting around the tip.

Do you like it when I do that?

Tell me if you like it. I like it. I like it.

I want to suck your balls.

May I?

Please do.

Go right ahead.

Oh, I'm getting so turned on.

You sure are hard.

I just love that thick blue vein.

How would you like to come in my mouth?

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes. Good.

Because I'd love to have you shoot your cum all over my face.

I love the taste of cum.

And I'll bet you've got so much.

Well, here I go.

What's she coming here for?

I don't know. She didn't say.

It'll be good seeing her.

Yeah.

Makes trouble.

Probably wants alimony or something.

Don't be bitchy.

Susan hasn't got a mean bone in her body.

If she wants to see us, I'm sure she's got a reason for it.

Right.

Hi.

Hey, you look great.

How do you?

Well, well, doesn't little Susie look nice?

Grow up, Jeannie.

Martin, I've missed you so much, and I've come to win you back. Oh, I've

you, too, and I'm... Let me finish.

For years, I thought I was the perfect housewife. Good cook, immaculate

housekeeper, personable at social functions.

But now I realize that's all bullshit. No, no, it isn't. You don't understand.

Martin, I love you.

And I want us to start all over again.

Well,

you better grow another pussy, honey, because it's not just time you have to

overcome. Now it's my superior talent.

I know you. That overworked bus terminal of yours gets slimy at the sight of a

hot dog.

Susan, I've never... Shut up and let me finish.

Well, at least Martin doesn't need a shoehorn to get in it. Jeannie... Big

All I know is that you, Jeannie, are nothing but a low -life opportunist.

Of course, with that infested suction cup of yours, Martin felt like a stud

compared to the way I was.

You mean the way you are. Would anybody like a drink?

There's more women here than you've ever seen.

And what's more, my love for Martin is deeper than any flapping orifice of

yours. And I'm willing to prove that any time.

Look, Susan, I'm sure Jeannie doesn't want to prove anything. Shut up, Martin.

This is between us. Okay, Susan, you're on. But I wouldn't want to take

advantage of a beginner.

We'll see who the beginner is.

Okay, the rules.

No holds barred. Good. Take Martin.

Uh, ladies, now wait a minute.

All through my childhood, I

responded. I read all the books they gave me.

just to please them.

But they never helped me with real things. They never helped me

understand my feelings.

just to please them.

But they never helped me with real things. They never helped me

understand my feelings.

I give up. Susan, you're too much.

I'll say.

I'm really sorry about all this.

Well, I'm not.

Oh, Susan.

How could I have ever wanted anybody else?

This would have been the loneliest Christmas ever.

I know, Morton, but now it'll be the happiest ever.

Susan, would you marry me again?

This time forever and ever?

Yes, I do again.

Martin, Susan, can we do again?