All language subtitles for Uncle Buck (2016) - 01x06 - I Got This.FLEET.English.C

Come on, man. Let me touch the ball.

Uh, only I touch this ball, Cy.

Ooh, a ball!

Do-Right, play with
your own ball, all right?

This one's magic.

And this ball's the only reason

why the Bulls got six
championship rings.

Six!

What about Michael Jordan?

Whatever. Listen.

During the Bulls' dynasty,
when they were down by four,

I would just touch this
ball and say, "Bulls!"

and they'd have a surge.

You know, the Bulls play them
punk-ass Cavs this Friday,

and we need this win.

Are we still good
for watching it at my house?

Yeah, that's a tradition. I'm there.

Oh, FYI, my mom's
ferrets got out... again.

So, um, you got to tuck
your pants into your socks.

Straight vodka at noon? I like it.

Uh, let me get one, too... with a straw.

This is water.

I got to pick the kids up after school.

Look what them kids done did to you.

- What?
- You can't even lunch-drink anymore.

I stopped breakfast-drinking, too.

I take this job seriously, man.

No more Kahlúa and
Kellogg's? Come on, Buck.

Every time you start a job
and it gets a little tough,

you cut and run.

You famous for that, Buck.

That was an outrageous statement.

When have I ever done that?

Does this bus stop at Grant Park?

I quit!

That's it! I'm sick of it!

You only drove the bus for two days.

Aw, look, this job is different.

I love taking care of them
kids, and I do it damn well,

so y'all can just stay out
of my business, all right?

I got this.

Oh, God!

Is this what water tastes like?

Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.

Doo, Doo-doo-doo.

Dang, you looking out the
window and not on your phone.

It must be bad.

But Uncle Buck is here to fix it.

I wanted to go to
this avant-garde opera

with my friends downtown
at an abandoned warehouse.

Well, you know, the only word I heard

in that sentence was "friends."

Doesn't matter, because Mom
and Dad said it wasn't safe.

You know, if I tell my
friends my parents said no,

they'll think I'm lame.

Easy. Just front.

Front?

Yeah, front.

Photoshop yourself
doing something better.

And with them little
weird friends you got,

that shouldn't be hard.

Yeah!

I can say I went to
a Lulu James concert.

And then you can hashtag everything.

#BigTime.

#Blessed.

#DontHate.

#WerePoppin.

#Fabuloso.

#NotLame.

Hashtag!

Hey, hey, hey.

Look, I don't want to be
all up in your business,

but I do laundry once a week,

and there was only one
pair of drawers in there.

You got to do better than that.

Uncle Buck, do you know
anything about girls?

I know they like clean drawers.

There's this girl that I really like,

but she won't even look my way.

Aw.

You came to the right place.

Man, you know how many ladies that I...

No, point is, I'm great with women.

Let me be your wingman on this.

Oh, teach me, sensei.

Well, what you got to do is
you got to make her need you.

Is there a class that
she's not really great at?

She asked me for help
on a math problem once,

but I suck at math.

Wrong.

You a math genius.

Look here. Just tell her
that 53 times 72 is 525.

Is it?

I don't know. And neither will she.

Gotcha.

Thanks, Uncle Buck.

Aw, my man.

Anytime, Einstein.

You home early.

How was your anniversary dinner?

- Oh, my God.
- What?

I completely forgot.

Aw, aw!

Baby, I'm so sorry.

Well, you should be.

What are you sorry for?

Our anniversary dinner.

Oh, my gosh. I completely forgot.

Forgetting about
your significant other...

that's classic Buck.

Good night.

Honey, I knew both of
us working would be hard,

but this is crazy.

You've become, like, some sexy stranger,

which is kind of hot, except
I'm too exhausted to act on it.

Remember how awesome we were in Atlanta,

going out all the time?

We were hot on those streets.

Like Michelle and Barack.

With a little bit of danger,
like Beyoncé and Jay Z.

We were like a luxury car commercial.

Sexy and sophisticated.

Oh, yeah.

You think we'll ever get
that new-car smell back?

Y'all need to get y'all act together.

'Cause if y'all split up,

who gonna get custody
of me and the kids?

Don't make us choose.

That's all I'm saying.

Hey, baby.

Ah, middle-of-the-day call. I like it.

You're gonna like this even more.

We're pulling an emergency
anniversary reboot.

I cleared my schedule
and made a reservation

at that dinner-and-dancing place.

This is non-negotiable.

I'll get Buck to babysit.

Well, look at you, all in charge.

I like that, too.

Oh, really?

What you wearing, girl?

A sweatshirt with a ketchup stain.

Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.

I probably should've said
you were on speaker phone.

That's Kiana,
one of the girls I'm mentoring.

Anyway, I'll see you
soon. I'm very excited.

Baby, you got me all worked...

Bye.

Hello?

You know, your husband
sounds old but hot.

Uh. He'll appreciate half of that.

Need a plan to get them out of there...

Can you help me with my spelling words?

I want to be smart, not just cute.

Oh, sure, baby girl.

All right.

The first word is "college."

I think the word's "collage."

All right, you can say it as
fancy as you want to say it,

but you're not getting into
collage unless you can spell it.

Now, I done told you about...

Hold up.

What's up, Will?

Oh, no, no, no. It's cool. Yeah.

I know you're trying to
get right with your lady.

Look, me and Cy,
we can watch the game over here.

All right, cool. My man.

Hey, wh... Where'd she go?

Cy!

You brought a cheese plate.

This ain't no art gallery.
This is a basketball game.

Look, man, I'm still not sure

about watching the game over here.

I think all these kids'
energies is gonna jinx us,

and the Bulls need our focus.

Look, Maizy's asleep, Miles
is studying with a friend,

and Tia don't like sports or fun.

She's in the bedroom. It's all good.

- All right.
- Man, I got it.

Look, I just thought we could start...

Hey, old man.

Hey, little gutter punk.

Are you lost?

I just seen the rest of your
crew up under the overpass.

I don't appreciate you
putting your little...

Hey, Jo.

This is my Uncle Buck.

Nice to meet you... Uncle Buck.

Did she just say my name weird?

That's the girl
- I was telling you about.

I think she's the one.

Yeah, the one that's gonna murder us.

Should I clear this setting?

No, we're celebrating
our anniversary tonight.

She'll be here any minute.

Uh, is that her?

Nope.

Absolutely not.

Hi!

I'm so sorry I'm late. Mwah!

Baby, what are you wearing?

You're gonna give people seizures.

I know I look like a sundae Maizy built.

Yeah, with mostly sprinkles.

I was running late, and I
stopped at the dry cleaner,

and this was all that I had.

I thought the patterns matched.

You did?

Yeah. No?

Hmm.

Okay, hold on one second.

Uh, I'll be right back.

What do you think?

I love it.

You'd better,
because it just cost us $300.

It...

What?!

- Mm-hmm.
- Money well spent.

Sit on down.

Come on! Defense!

Ah!

Uh-oh. It looks like
you got your hands full.

I think I better get out of here

and go watch the game
at home with the ferrets.

No, come on. Nah, it's tradition.

If you leave, the Bulls lose.

Well, your nephew
'bout to lose something

if you leave him alone with
"Orange is the New Black."

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about that baby
going in that room a boy

and coming out a father.

Oh, God.

In the dining room? Really?
Uncle Buck, you're killing me.

Hey, I-I'm just close by in
case you need some advice.

Um, is that a Bible?

It sure is. And I'm
glad you recognized it.

This is just a reminder to let you know

that we're all being watched.

Whatever... Uncle Buck.

Stop saying my name
like it's a horror movie.

You starting to scare me, little girl.

Here.

Alexis, your shrimp is in my nose.

Oh, baby, I'm...

Get off your phone.

I'm so sorry.

Kiana keeps texting me. She's
having a really hard time.

She just sent me
three crying emojis and a poop.

Well, we're having a hard time, too.

Well, what is that supposed to mean?

It means we're really busy,

and we need to take advantage
of our time together.

I don't want to end
up like the Rineholds.

How are we gonna end
up like the Rineholds?

They got a divorce
after she stabbed him in the leg

at a Souplantation.

I'm just saying, that could be us

if we don't set our priorities.

Okay. You're right.

Now, let's get back
to some sexy seafood.

Mm.

Not that one. That was up my nose.

Oh, right. I'm so sorry.

Ah!

Okay, we're down by four.

Buck, touch the ball.

Bulls!

Did you hear that?

Yeah, I heard some girl
screaming or something.

Come on, "D" Rose. Get down!

I should check that, right?

Oh, that's a travel!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You.

Are you cool?

No. Amber's pictures
are all over Instagram.

My friends went to go see Philip Glass

do a live score of
"Metropolis" without me.

Y'all ever think about just
getting a cookie at the mall?

They're mad because they thought I was

throwing that Lulu
James post in their face.

Well, you know my policy...
always tell the truth.

You told me to front.

Yeah, and I was frontin'.

Ugh!

She done woke the little one.

Buck! Come touch the ball!

- We're down by 11!
- You got to touch it three times!

Ugh!

Aww.

Die, zombie! Die, zombie! Die!

What are you hitting me for?

You're not the police.

I thought you were a zombie.

What made you think that?

What's up, Will?

Oh, no, no, no. It's cool. Yeah.

I know you're trying to
get right with your lady.

Look, me and Cy, we can
watch the game over here.

All right, cool. My man.

Hey, wh... Where'd she go?

Look, Maizy, zombies ain't real.

When you die, you just die.

Am I going to die?

Buck, come on! Touch the ball! Please!

Hold that thought, Maizy.

Bulls, Bulls, Bulls!

Whew!

Look, Maizy, here's the deal on death.

You don't have to worry about it,

'cause it's like falling asleep forever.

Sweet dreams.

I'm never going to sleep again.

You son of a...

You piece of...

Ah, hey!

There's a lot of words I
could say right now, Buck.

Go ahead and say them.

I'll spell them. We can do flash cards.

You know, this is a great soundtrack

for a sad dog commercial,

but it's a terrible one
for basketball, Buck.

Man, just ignore it.

You're losing control, Buck.
The wheels are coming off.

No, man, the wheels
are on, the rims are on,

I got a full tank of
gas, and I got this.

I'll be right back.

Okay, I'll touch the
ball while you're gone.

Ah, ah, ah!

You lay a hand on that ball,

and you gonna pull back a bloody stub.

Don't touch that ball, brother.

Okay, this is more like it.

There's so much more where
that came from, honey.

- Mm.
- Oh, yeah.

I'll be right back.

Okay.

Excuse me. Bring me
your fanciest dessert.

Sir, this deconstructed baked Alaska

takes three people to prepare,

so if we're not doing this,
I'll need to release Javier.

Go home, Javier.

- Babe.
- Alexis, what are you doing?

Who is this?

- Um...
- It's me... Kiana.

You remember, I met you earlier

when you were phone-sexing your wife.

Alexis, can I talk to you?

Okay.

Wait. Uh...

Honey, I'm really, really
sorry, but you don't understand.

She was threatening
to drop out of school

and run away with her boyfriend.

The girl is one gospel song
away from a Tyler Perry movie.

And you thought bringing
her to our anniversary dinner

would help the problem?

I know it's not ideal, but she
just needed a little face time.

And don't worry.

I've... I've got this all under control.

I'm sending her home in an Uber.

Kiana! I can't live without you!

Damn, Ty! Why you got to be so needy?!

Okay, uh, maybe she needs
just a little more face time.

Be right back.

The hell with it. Light it up.

Catch Javier.

Now!

You're really bumming out
Cy! Can you turn it down?!

Let me feel my feelings!

Handled.

Buck! Ball!

You're gonna look so
hot with an earring.

Hey. Wow. A home piercing.

Good idea. I love it.

Yeah, she said
it's gonna make me look cool,

like a young Pharrell.

Awesome.

Did you sterilize the needle?

You don't need to do that.
I've done a bunch of them.

Awesome.

Well, you know,
Fat Marcus did a home piercing,

and it got infected.

Ooh.

Ear looked like a monkey paw.

But do whatever you want to do.

I should think about this.

Boring. I'm out.

Hold on.

I know how to keep this party going.

Ooh, God!

Get to watch the game.

Where'd you get coffee at, Maizy?

I gave it to her.

It's a latte.

The girl wanted to stay awake.

Look, we got 20 seconds
left. We're down by 4.

You need to touch the ball.

- Mup-mup-mup-mup.
- Did you do this?

That is hilarious.

But cruel.

I was trying to fix things.

The ball, Buck! Touch the ball!

You ruined my life.

Where's Miles and Oozy Ears?

Why? You want to humiliate him
in front of his friends, too?

We got nine seconds left,
Buck! Touch the ball!

Oh, hell no!

- What the...
- Ahh!

What are you doing?

Sorry, buddy. This girl's trouble.

She's got to go.

You're embarrassing me.

If you care anything
about the Bulls at all,

come touch the damn ball!

I'm never coming over here again.

Good, Jo.

I hate you, Uncle Buck.

Zombies!

Your house is lame. Your uncle's lame.

Uh, he's off his medication.
Jo, give me another chance.

Zombies everywhere!
They're gonna get us!

Maizy. Maizy. Maizy, please stop.

Maizy! Stop it!

Oh, God. Stop. Please.

I hope you're happy, Buck!

- Oh!
- We lost!

Why didn't you just touch the ball?!

Oh, you want me to touch the ball?

You want me to touch the ball?

Ahhhh!

I touched it.

- Calm down.
- What the hell's wrong with you?

It's just a game.

Hey, big Will.

What's going on?

Could be better. How about you?

Yeah, it got a little
tricky here tonight.

- Everything's fine.
- The kids are okay, but I quit.

And I thought maybe it'd be great

if you'd just fire me so
I can draw unemployment.

Slow down. What's going on?

I love the kids, man,
and I love the job,

but it's way harder than
I thought it would be.

It's some next-level
parenting stuff right here.

I-It's out of my league.

Stop it. You're not bailing.

You don't quit just because it's hard.

Yeah, I do, 'cause I'm famous for that.

Buck, remember when we were kids

and you pushed me down the stairs?

Come on, man. Why you
want to bring that up?

You didn't panic that day.

You duct-taped my head,
threw me in a bike basket,

and rolled me to the
hospital, E.T.-style.

Things got crazy, and you adjusted.

That's what you need to do now...

adjust to your new reality.

Yeah.

Thank you, brother.

Hey, what made you think of that story?

I feel like I got
kicked down the stairs tonight.

I tried to get
our old, sexy selves back,

but we can't seem to get there.

Yeah.

Sounds like you two need

to do a little adjusting
on your own, man.

Yeah. Maybe we do.

Yeah.

And, oh, by the way...

you have never been sexy to me.

- Okay?
- You got a big-ass head, Will.

Chump.

If you're really in love,
it's still gonna be there

in two years, when you
graduate from high school.

I want to tell you something.

Uh, baby, just give me two minutes.

Two minutes. I'm almost done with them.

Babe.

Sorry.

I know what you're gonna say.

No, you don't.

What I want to say is,
I know we've been trying

to recapture how we were in Atlanta,

but this is our new reality,
and I'm okay with it.

So, how can I help?

Well, a male's
perspective would be nice.

Mm.

And that boy needs some instruction

on how to wear cologne.

Whew!

- You got it.
- You don't smell it?

I do now.

- Mm.
- Be good.

All right.

Well, this will certainly be

an anniversary we'll never forget.

Mm.

Sexier and more sophisticated than ever.

Oh, yeah.

What's Amber doing here?

What's going on? He told
me Lulu James was here.

I lied. Work it out.

Here's the deal on death.

When you die, you go to a happy place.

I can prove it.

They made a documentary
about Heaven. Look.

So, there's a fox in
Heaven with an Afro?

Yep.

My parents had a fit

when they found out I went to the opera.

They're so lame.

Mine, too.

Hey!

Where'd you come from?

I need to put a little
bell on your neck.

Hey, Mr. Fix It, when are
you gonna solve my problem?

I did. I sent it home.

What happened?

Man, I thought you were cool.

Look, man, I know you mad at me,

but it's my job to protect
you, not be your friend.

Well, you succeeded.

You're not my friend,

and you're not my wingman, either.

You're just a parent.

You don't really mean
this, do you, Miles?

It's "Mr. Russell" to you.

Oh. Uh-oh.

Is everything okay, Buck?

Yeah, I hope the kids don't
look like your basketball.

I took your advice. I adjusted.

Now your son hates me.

It hurts, y'all. It hurts.

Really?

See what happens when I share?

You guys are cold, man.

No, no.

It's just that if they
don't hate you half the time,

then it means that
you're doing something wrong.

Don't beat yourself up. You did good.

I honestly thought
I had this job figured out.

I get them to school, I know
what they want in their lunches,

and I know no matter how
many times I brush it,

I still can't the Cheerios
out of Maizy's hair.

Brother, that's just keeping them alive.

That's easy.

Yeah, the hard part is
keeping them from being evil.

Especially Miles.

The darkness is strong in that one.

I know. He's gonna
be plotting on me now.

Nah, he'll be fine in the morning.

Yeah, I don't think so.
He had that dead-shark eye.

No, no, kids have a way

of resetting when they're disappointed.

They're like little alcoholics.

When they wake up in the morning,

they remember nothing.

Yeah, and sometimes they pee the bed.

It'll all be good in the morning.

For now, we're gonna leave you

with your little murdered basketball,

because we got a little
resetting of our own to do.

- We do? Yay!
- Okay, all right, all right, all right.

No more sharing. Go!

And if y'all have any more kids, I quit.

Morning, Miles.

I mean, uh, Mr. Russell.

What's up, Uncle Buck?

That didn't sound so hateful.

We cool?

Yeah, we're cool.

My man.

You think he's just
pretending to be nice to me

so he can kill me in my sleep?

No, man. Like I said... complete reset.

Cool.

I'll take this stuff back, then.

Wha...

Oh, yeah.

Check me out, baby.

Uh... how'd you afford all this?

Yeah.

Hey, babe, do you know
anything about a fraud alert

on our credit card?

Open up, Buck.

This is a felony.