All language subtitles for The Golden Girls - 04x14 - Love Me Tender

♪ Thank you for being a friend

♪ Traveled down the road
and back again

♪ Your heart is true

♪ You're a pal and a confidante

♪ And if you threw a party

♪ Invited everyone you knew

♪ You would see the biggest
gift would be from me

♪ And the card attached
would say

♪ "Thank you for being
a friend" ♪

He should have been here
a half-hour ago.

Dorothy, according to
the rules of etiquette,

you should never wait more
than 20 minutes for a date.

She's already waited six months for a date.
What's another half-hour?

I hate blind dates.

You know, Ma, I never
would have agreed to this

if it wasn't your best friend
Edna's good-looking doctor nephew.

Aw, he wasn't
available anymore.

He decided to buy a woman
from the Philippines.

Actually, he bought two women.

He wanted an extra for
formal occasions.

Then who is this guy?
To tell you the truth, I was on the bus...

Wait a minute.

You set Dorothy up with
some guy you met on a bus?

Please, it wasn't
that glamorous.

I saw a sign on the bus.

It said, "Lonely? Can't make
connections with that special person?"

So I took $20 out of your purse,
sent in a picture,

they ran it through the computer
and boom, you got a social life.

Ma, I cannot believe you sent my
picture in to a total stranger.

I didn't send in your picture, I sent
the picture that came with my wallet.

Ma, I am furious with you.

Think how mad your date's gonna be when he finds
out he's not going out with Janet Gaynor.

(doorbell rings) Oh, God!

Dorothy, just remember how important
first impressions are, honey.

Stand up straight.
Put your left hand on your hip.

Now, strike a very sexy,
sultry pose.

(seductively) Hello.

Hi, Dorothy.

What's wrong with your hip?

I was hoping you'd be
my date, Rose.

Oh, gee, I'm busy tonight.
But maybe you could try me again next week.

What's in the box, Rose?

Brochures for
the "Be a Pal" program.

I'm mailing them out.
How does that work?

Well, you just put 'em in an envelope
and you stick a stamp on them.

Not that, you idiot.
Oh, the "Be a Pal" program?

Well, each week, you get a
motherless girl and be her pal.

Help her with her homework
and take her to movies

and have dinner together.

That's very interesting.
Maybe I could get involved with that.

You, Blanche?
Sure.

Why, nothing would be more satisfying
than to be of loving service

to a lonely, motherless child.

Of course, I'll have to see pictures
of the father before I commit.

If you're interested, I could call and
see about sending over two girls.

Great. Count me in.
(doorbell rings)

Hi, I'm Eddie.

It took a computer to
come up with this?

I'm Dorothy. These are
my friends, Blanche and Rose.

Hello, there.
How do you do?

Eddie, I hope you're not
too terribly disappointed.

My mother wasn't exactly honest
in sending in that picture.

I knew that.

I have quite a few Janet Gaynors
in frames around my house.

Believe me, when you've been in a deep
depression for a year and a half,

nothing fazes you.

Well...

Eddie, what wonderful things have
you got planned for tonight?

Nothing. I was gonna cancel, but
my therapist wouldn't let me.

Perhaps if we spoke
to him together?

I'm sorry. I'm still not
really recovered.

You see, after 25 years of marriage, my
wife Roberta sent me a Dear John letter.

That's terrible. Married 25 years and
she doesn't know your name is Eddie?

Well, I guess
I have to feed you.

Let's go look for
a place to eat, Roberta.

No, no. Her name's Dorothy.
Your ex-wife is Roberta.

Sure. Rub my nose in it.

Morning, Blanche. You're up early.
I'm making a list of things

to do with our little pals.
I just hope I'm good at it.

With all that enthusiasm,
I'm sure you will be.

I just wanna make a difference in
the lives of these youngsters.

I wanna teach 'em,
I wanna mold 'em.

I wanna become a positive influence
on every aspect of their young lives.

It is only one afternoon
a week, isn't it?

Dorothy Zbornak,
are you just getting in?

No, Blanche. I got up early and went jogging
in a park with a really strict dress code.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I need some coffee.

What's the number of the police station?
Is anything wrong?

No, I just wanna find out
where I can buy the best donuts.

Of course something is wrong!

Dorothy never came home.

Yes, she did.
She's in the kitchen.

All right, spill it.
I want details. Yes, so do I.

Oh, me too.
Well, there is not much to tell.

Eddie took me to the restaurant where
he had met his ex-wife Roberta.

I would think going there
would just remind him of her.

It did. Especially since she owns it,
runs it and calls the place Roberta's.

As she was seating us, he
begged her to come back to him.

And after he had
wept over his crab cakes,

I begged her to
come back to him.

I guess you're not gonna
see him again.

Oh, yes. Yes, I will. What?

Listen, pussycat, it's been a long
time since you've been out on a date.

And it's quite possible you can no
longer judge a good one from a bad one.

So let me be of help.

Bad date, Dorothy.
Bad, bad date.

What did you do
the rest of the night?

I tried to comfort him.
I must have lost track of time

'cause next thing I knew
it was morning.

Oh, I better get some rest.
We're meeting for lunch.

I don't get it. They don't seem
to have anything in common.

I guess it's just like that
old saying: opposites attract.

That's very true.
Back in St. Olaf

Ollie Canudenspringle and his wife
Bridget were opposites in every way.

I mean, he was fat,
she was thin.

He was neat, she was sloppy.
He was tall, she was short.

He was cheap,
she was extravagant.

He was... Opposites.
We get the picture.

Anyway, I'll never forget the time
they sang at our annual talent show,

right after
the herring juggling act.

You mean to tell me that somebody
actually juggled herring?

No.

It was the herring
who did the juggling.

Tiny little Ginsu knives.

Really very dangerous.
I mean, one false move,

they could have filleted
themselves.

I hate you.

Anyway...

(doorbell rings)
Oh, good. Here they are.

Come in, girls.

I'm Marla, this is Jackie.
We're from the "Be a Pal" program.

Yes, and I'm Blanche.

I just knew when I heard your voice
on the phone that you'd be pretty.

Oh, well, thank you.

Rose, this is
my little pal Jackie.

And your little pal Marla.
Hi, Marla. Come on, sit down.

Now, is there anything special
you girls feel like doing today?

Would it be too much
to see a movie?

Oh, no. We can go see
Oliver & Company

or Roger Rabbit.

Or Tequila Sunrise. I hear Mel
Gibson takes his shirt off a lot.

You know, Jackie, I think you and
I are gonna get along just fine.

Well, just let me
freshen my makeup.

Girls, why don't you come with
me and I'll show you how

I transform myself into a
fresh-faced, innocent, young thing?

Could you skip
the "innocent" part, Blanche?

The show starts in two hours.

Hi, Rose. Blanche around?

She's showing the girls some makeup
tricks before we go to the movies.

Anything I can do? No, thanks.
I need to talk to somebody.

Oh, I get it.

You have a problem and you don't think I'm
sophisticated or worldly enough to help.

Oh, Rose, I'm sorry.
You got a minute?

Sure, Dorothy.

It's about Eddie.

You know, I've been
seeing him for a week now.

I'm having a relationship
with him

like I've never had
with a man before in my life.

It is purely physical.

Eddie is the greatest lover
I have ever had.

Come on, Dorothy. If we're gonna do
this, you have to tell me the truth.

No, I am telling you the truth.

Honey, there is more to Eddie
than meets the eye.

But the only thing we have in
common is under the sheets.

What's under the sheets?

His cappuccino maker.

Sex, Rose.
I am talking sex.

We don't go to dinner,
we don't go to the movies,

we just go to bed
and it is terrific.

All that and cappuccino too?

Well, what's the problem?

Did I say there was a problem?

You wanted to talk about it.

Can't one have a discussion
without there being a problem?

I thought maybe you were
feeling guilty. Guilty?

I have nothing to feel guilty about.
I am having the time of my life.

I just wanted to, you know,
say it out loud.

But, listen, honey.
Don't mention this to anybody.

It's a thing that most people
probably wouldn't understand.

Don't worry, Dorothy.
Rose Nylund can keep a secret.

Do you know what the name Nylund
means in Norwegian?

No.

Well, I'm not telling you.

How do I look? Great, Dorothy.
You going out with Eddie?

Yes. Oh, by the way,
Blanche,

I borrowed your gold earrings,
if that's OK?

Oh, it's fine, but I do think
I should caution you -

they were meant for
petite ears.

They'll just have to do until
Disney unveils their Dumbo line.

I'd better grab something
to eat before Eddie gets here.

Wait a minute. Why don't you
just go out to eat?

There never seems to be
enough time.

You know, there's something
rotten in the state of Denmark.

It's their cheese.

They refuse to use
preservatives.

I mean between
Dorothy and Eddie.

There is something peculiar
in that relationship.

You're right. And I'm gonna
find out what it is

or my name isn't Sophia...
Sophia...

Sophia Petrillo.
Oh, yeah.

Maybe the doctor is right.
Maybe I do need all three pills a day.

Dorothy will never tell her.
Tell her what?

The secret...
that I don't know.

Rose.

There's something you know
that you're not telling me.

You can ask me all the questions
you want, you'll never break me.

So you're not in love with this Eddie guy?
Oh, no, Ma.

Then why are you spending
all your time with him?

Eddie's a love machine?

I'm sorry, Dorothy.
I held out as long as I could.

She said she'd tickle me.

You're a regular
Nelson Mandela, Rose.

So that's it? Lust.

Look, Ma, I am a grown woman
and I have needs.

Needs? You need food.
You need air.

You need a better
wrinkle cream.

You don't need sport nookie.

This is wrong for you.
Wrong for me?

This is why I didn't tell you
about this in the first place.

You are always criticizing me,
you are always judging me,

you are always telling me
what to do.

This time I'm going to do
what feels right for me,

and there's nothing you can say
that'll make me feel guilty about it.

Boy, I wish I'd married Bing
Crosby when I had the chance.

Why? Because he was
such a strict disciplinarian?

No, because now I'd be a wealthy widow
with my own place in Pebble Beach,

so I wouldn't have to
listen to that crap.

I just haven't found
a thing today.

I don't look right
in American clothes.

I have a more European body.

Oh, in Europe, do they all
have big butts too?

Hi, Blanche.
Hi, Rose.

Where on earth
have you girls been?

We were helping elderly people get
a good grip on the escalator.

We just lost all track of time.

How sweet.
Isn't that sweet?

Can you guys hold our bags?
We wanna go toss a few pennies in the fountain.

I'm gonna make a wish
that we stay pals forever.

Oh, sweetie.
We'll see you in the car.

OK, bye.
Bye.

Aren't they the greatest? Yes.

Looks like I've been
a good influence on them.

(alarm beeps)

Excuse me, ladies.
I need to inspect your bag.

I thought you were both asleep.
Why are you just getting in?

Because the justice system
in America

is an imperfect and sluggish
piece of antiquated machinery.

What?

We were in the slammer.

Our cute little "pals"
stole some merchandise

and made us the fall guys.

We have to appear in court
at noon tomorrow.

And where were you?
We were calling all night.

I was out with Eddie. Actually,
I just got home myself.

I wonder why Sophia
didn't answer.

She probably thought it was me
calling and decided not to answer.

It's a little guilt trick she's
used on me ever since I was 15.

That and having major surgery and
telling me about it two days later.

Sometimes she didn't even
need the surgery.

That's guilt.

Well, the days of my mother
making me feel guilty are over.

There is nothing wrong
with my relationship with Eddie,

and if my mother can't buy it, I'm
very sorry, it is her problem.

Oh, just getting in?

Listen, if you three are just
gonna use this place days,

would you mind if I got one of
those medical emergency beepers?

I'd feel terrible if one morning
you found me on the doorstep

instead of the Miami Herald.

Ma, it's not gonna work.

I do not feel guilty about
staying out all night

and I do not feel guilty
about Eddie.

Don't underestimate me.
I could make you feel guilty

about bombing Pearl Harbor
if I wanted.

The point is, I don't
want you to feel guilty.

There's nothing wrong with
a physical relationship.

Well, then, what about
what you said last night?

If you had let me finish my
thought, Colonel Gaddafi,

you might have understood.

I said I thought this kind of
relationship was wrong for you.

Well, it's not.
Dorothy, I'm your mother.

I know you. You're a loving
and sensitive person.

But this isn't gonna be
enough someday.

You'll be bored and dissatisfied
and you'll end up unhappy.

I'd hate to see that
happen to you, pussycat.

But if you think you
can handle that,

just look me straight in the eye
and I'll drop the whole thing.

Ma... I can handle that.

Both eyes.

Oh, Ma, I hate it when you're right, and
I guess I knew you were right all along.

What are you gonna do, Dorothy?

Well, I'll have to
have a talk with Eddie.

I mean, it is obvious that this
relationship has to... taper off.

All right, I'll end it.

Girls, I know you're gonna
go to court and tell the truth.

We'd like to, but we
could get in some trouble.

You see, most of the judges
at juvenile court know us.

I think we've worn out
our cute act.

Now, you listen to me,
you little monsters.

If you think we'll be your patsies,
you've have another thing coming.

Maybe some cookies
and milk'd change your mind.

Here, how about $50 and you tell the truth.
What do you say?

Are you trying to bribe us?

Oh, yeah.
You catch on quick.

Make it 150... each.

Oh, you little pirates.

All right, you've got it.
Now, get out of here.

Thank you, Blanche.
Oh, beat it!

I can't believe you did that.

Don't worry. That check was written on our
vacation account that we closed last week.

The bank would sooner cash a
check from Jim and Tammy Bakker.

Where are the girls?

Oh, they had a sudden
change of heart.

They decided to confess.
(doorbell rings)

Oh, God, that's Eddie.
I don't know if I can go through with this.

Don't worry. We're both right
beside you to help you through it.

It's not that easy. Eddie has some
kind of a strange hold over me.

Baloney. Eddie is just a man,
cut from the same cloth

as the many men who have
dumped you over the years.

Just think of him
as all those men, Dorothy.

Become the dumper
before you become the dumpee.

You're right. I'm gonna get rid of him just
the way Paul Bennington got rid of me.

The way Steve Mendlebaum
got rid of me. The way Tom...

We'll be here all afternoon.
Can you just open the door?

Blanche is right.
The man is history.

Hi, Dorothy.
Oh, Eddie, I want you so bad.

Dorothy.
I can't help it.

He looks so cute
in that little suit.

Is something wrong, Dorothy?

Yes, there is something wrong.
Eddie, we have...

Eddie, stop doing that
with your lip.

Doing what?

That sexy, quivering thing
in the corner of your mouth.

I was just trying to loosen up a poppy
seed caught in my teeth with my tongue.

Well, it's driving me crazy.
Dorothy!

Come here, Eddie.
Sit down here.

Listen, what Dorothy
is trying to tell you...

What's that cologne
you're wearing?

I'm not wearing cologne.

But that's impossible.

It smells kind of like a mixture
of Old Spice and musk and...

And a porterhouse steak?
Yes.

That's me. The smell really
gets intense when I sweat.

Really? Well, I'd be curious
to find out just how...

Blanche! Blanche!

Now, look here, Eddie.
Now, you listen to me.

Dorothy has decided she wants
nothing more to do with you.

I can't understand why because I
think you have about the cutest ears

I've ever seen on a man
in my entire life.

They make you kind of
look like Bambi.

Marry me, Eddie.
Ladies, ladies, please!

This always happens.
I'm cursed.

Ever since I was a little kid,

I've been absolutely
irresistible to women.

I know I'm a little plain
to look at...

No, you're not plain at all.
Oh, you're adorable.

Cute as a button.
Please.

Please, let me finish.
I know I'm plain to look at,

but everything I do seems to
drive the opposite sex crazy.

I don't do it on purpose.
It just happens.

The way I look at a woman.
The way I make love to a woman.

The way I kiss a woman.
The way I make love to a woman.

You said "make love" twice.

I know.
It's my favorite.

I'm not surprised you wanted to dump
me tonight - the good ones always do.

They always end up wanting more than just
nights filled with unbridled ecstasy.

What are you doing
tomorrow night?

I'd better get going.
I've caused enough trouble.

Look, Eddie, can't we see each other
occasionally, just as friends?

It won't work. It's like trying
to eat one potato chip.

Au revoir.

Oh, hello, Sophia.
Hello, Eddie.

Eddie, I never noticed
that beauty mark on your neck.

What beauty mark?
That one!

Sophia! Sophia!