All language subtitles for Californication.S02E01.720p.BluRay.X264-REWARD

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic Download
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:16,933 --> 00:00:18,893 ‫في حلقات سابقة من... 2 00:00:18,977 --> 00:00:21,020 ‫أعاني أزمة إيمان. 3 00:00:21,354 --> 00:00:22,897 ‫بشكل مبسط، لا أستطيع الكتابة. 4 00:00:22,981 --> 00:00:25,942 ‫تمتلك موهبة مذهلة وتهدرها. 5 00:00:26,651 --> 00:00:28,737 ‫ربما أنت محقة، أحوالي مضطربة الآن. 6 00:00:28,820 --> 00:00:30,739 ‫- أحتاج إليك يا حبيبتي. ‫- أنا سأتزوج. 7 00:00:32,490 --> 00:00:35,035 ‫- هل أبي شخص سيئ؟ ‫- كلا، على الإطلاق. 8 00:00:35,118 --> 00:00:37,912 ‫لكنه اعتاد على التورط في المتاعب ‫من حين إلى آخر. 9 00:00:37,996 --> 00:00:39,330 ‫الوغد اللعين. 10 00:00:41,541 --> 00:00:42,500 ‫واصل حياتك، 11 00:00:42,584 --> 00:00:44,836 ‫وانس المرأة التي لم ترد أن تتزوجها. 12 00:00:44,919 --> 00:00:46,296 ‫بصفتي صديقك ووكيلك، 13 00:00:46,421 --> 00:00:49,090 ‫هل لي أن أقترح عليك أن تبدأ ‫في البحث عن فتاة لطيفة؟ 14 00:00:49,215 --> 00:00:52,969 ‫- ما اسمك بالمناسبة؟ ‫- ألا تفضل أن تضاجعني وحسب؟ 15 00:00:53,052 --> 00:00:54,721 ‫أنا من معتنقي الساينتولوجي يا "هانك". 16 00:00:56,514 --> 00:00:58,767 ‫وإذن هل أنت هذا الكاتب المشهور؟ 17 00:00:59,809 --> 00:01:01,895 ‫هذه "ميا"، ابنة "بيل". 18 00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:03,480 ‫عمرها 16 سنة. 19 00:01:03,646 --> 00:01:06,441 ‫ما حدث في تلك الليلة لن يحدث ثانية أبداً. 20 00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:09,402 ‫أعرف أنكما لن تعيشا ‫في سعادة وهناء إلى الأبد. 21 00:01:09,486 --> 00:01:11,446 ‫إنه فقط أمر لطيف أن نجتمع من حين إلى آخر. 22 00:01:11,571 --> 00:01:13,865 ‫أريد العودة وتكرار الأمر من جديد. 23 00:01:13,948 --> 00:01:15,366 ‫سأتزوج "بيل". 24 00:01:16,367 --> 00:01:18,036 ‫- كتبت شيئاً. ‫- أنت ماذا؟ 25 00:01:18,119 --> 00:01:20,038 ‫ألف "هانك" كتاباً جديداً؟ أيسعني قراءته؟ 26 00:01:20,121 --> 00:01:22,290 ‫- إنه ليس ملائماً. ‫- ماذا كتبت؟ 27 00:01:22,373 --> 00:01:25,168 ‫رجل كبير في السن يضاجع ‫عن غير عمد فتاة قاصر. 28 00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:26,294 ‫كتبت هذه الرواية. 29 00:01:26,461 --> 00:01:29,172 ‫- ألفت كتاب العام. ‫- أهذا صحيح؟ 30 00:01:29,339 --> 00:01:32,175 ‫إن قلت إي شيء، ‫لا شيء سيمنعها من إبلاغ "كارين". 31 00:01:32,258 --> 00:01:33,551 ‫ناهيك عن الشرطة. 32 00:01:33,635 --> 00:01:36,679 ‫إن كان أحد يعرف سبباً يمنع ‫هذين الاثنين من الزواج، 33 00:01:36,888 --> 00:01:38,723 ‫فليتكلم الآن أو ليصمت إلى الأبد. 34 00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:39,724 ‫ماذا؟ 35 00:01:40,391 --> 00:01:42,352 ‫- انتظر يا "هانك". ‫- هل أنت متأكدة؟ 36 00:01:42,435 --> 00:01:44,312 ‫بسرعة، قبل أن أغير رأيي. 37 00:01:44,395 --> 00:01:46,064 ‫"كارين"، مهلاً! عودي! 38 00:02:32,527 --> 00:02:33,736 ‫هل أنت مستعد؟ 39 00:02:36,531 --> 00:02:37,448 ‫كلا البتة. 40 00:02:38,783 --> 00:02:42,036 ‫ستسعد كثيراً لأنك فعلت هذا. 41 00:02:42,287 --> 00:02:45,498 ‫لا أريد الحديث عن ذلك الآن، ‫لدي انتصاب قوي، 42 00:02:45,707 --> 00:02:47,000 ‫ومن العار أن أهدره. 43 00:02:48,209 --> 00:02:50,587 ‫- لابد أن نذهب الآن. ‫- حقاً؟ 44 00:02:50,795 --> 00:02:53,131 ‫وتحرمين رجلاً يحتضر من وجبته الأخيرة؟ 45 00:02:53,923 --> 00:02:55,049 ‫يا إلهي. 46 00:02:55,341 --> 00:02:57,719 ‫سوف تستغل ذلك أسوأ استغلال، أليس كذلك؟ 47 00:02:57,802 --> 00:03:00,722 ‫بالتأكيد. لا تجعليني أتوسل، هذا غير لائق. 48 00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:03,558 ‫لا بأس. 49 00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:06,853 ‫- يجدر بنا أن ننتهي سريعاً. ‫- لن تشعري بأي شيء، أعدك بذلك. 50 00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:12,442 ‫- ماذا تفعلين؟ ‫- آخذ الوضع المناسب فحسب. 51 00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:14,110 ‫يا للإثارة. 52 00:03:14,611 --> 00:03:17,572 ‫- ماذا تفعل؟ ‫- آخذ وضعي. 53 00:03:17,947 --> 00:03:19,282 ‫استخدم واقياً ذكرياً. 54 00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:21,326 ‫مرة واحدة أخيرة، ما المشكلة؟ 55 00:03:21,409 --> 00:03:24,746 ‫هذا هو مقصدي بالضبط. سأسحبه وأرشك. 56 00:03:26,748 --> 00:03:28,458 ‫أيفترض أن يثيرني ذلك؟ 57 00:03:28,958 --> 00:03:30,293 ‫- ربما. ‫- "هانك"... 58 00:03:30,501 --> 00:03:32,337 ‫- هل فعل؟ ‫- ليس كثيراً. 59 00:03:40,136 --> 00:03:41,888 ‫يجدر بك أن تبدئي بالكلام البذيء. 60 00:03:42,138 --> 00:03:43,598 ‫قد يستغرق ذلك وقتاً طويلاً. 61 00:03:44,349 --> 00:03:45,183 ‫حسناً. 62 00:03:45,683 --> 00:03:46,935 ‫ماذا تريدني أن أقول؟ 63 00:03:47,518 --> 00:03:49,229 ‫قبل أن تقذفي مباشرة... 64 00:03:49,979 --> 00:03:51,314 ‫نادني، "بيل". 65 00:03:52,357 --> 00:03:53,775 ‫من قال إنني سأقذف؟ 66 00:03:54,776 --> 00:03:55,902 ‫تحدي. 67 00:03:56,611 --> 00:03:57,654 ‫اللعبة بدأت. 68 00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:02,116 ‫استعدي لمطرقة "ثور". 69 00:04:09,499 --> 00:04:11,626 ‫- أتريد أن تراه؟ ‫- أرى ماذا؟ 70 00:04:11,876 --> 00:04:14,254 ‫ذلك القطاع من قناة المني ‫الذي استأصلته للتو. 71 00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:15,630 ‫بالتأكيد لا. 72 00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:19,926 ‫لو أنك تشعر بأنني أخيط لحم قاعدة قضيبك، 73 00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:21,219 ‫فذلك لأنني أخيطها بالفعل. 74 00:04:21,386 --> 00:04:24,097 ‫تبدو مثل عامل لحام. ‫إنك لا تلحم أي شيء، صحيح؟ 75 00:04:24,472 --> 00:04:27,308 ‫- إذن لماذا تقطع القناة المنوية؟ ‫- أكره الواقيات الذكرية. 76 00:04:28,142 --> 00:04:28,977 ‫أجل، وأنا أيضاً. 77 00:04:29,519 --> 00:04:30,770 ‫لا أشعر بأي شيء. 78 00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:33,856 ‫حاولي ألا تجعلي الرجل ينتصب، اتفقنا؟ 79 00:04:34,899 --> 00:04:35,900 ‫سيكون ذلك فوضوياً. 80 00:04:39,153 --> 00:04:40,446 ‫يبدو أن هنا بابا جديد للكنيسة. 81 00:04:40,822 --> 00:04:42,323 ‫الألم والتورم، طبيعيان تماماً. 82 00:04:42,573 --> 00:04:44,117 ‫البازلاء المجمدة ستفي بالغرض. 83 00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:47,036 ‫البعض يفضلون فول الصويا الأخضر. ‫القرار يعود إليك تماماً. 84 00:04:47,245 --> 00:04:49,914 ‫لا جنس لمدة 48 ساعة ويشمل ذلك الاستمناء. 85 00:04:50,248 --> 00:04:51,708 ‫بعد ذلك، كلما مارست الجنس كان أفضل. 86 00:04:52,166 --> 00:04:53,001 ‫جدياً. 87 00:04:53,084 --> 00:04:55,253 ‫ما زال لديك حيوانات منوية كثيرة ‫قابلة للحياة. 88 00:04:55,461 --> 00:04:56,546 ‫يجب أن تخرج على نحو ما. 89 00:04:57,422 --> 00:04:59,132 ‫لو أردت أي مساعدة، أبلغني. 90 00:04:59,507 --> 00:05:00,675 ‫قضيب جميل المنظر. 91 00:05:04,053 --> 00:05:04,887 ‫شكراً لك. 92 00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:09,684 ‫"ناقد أدبي" 93 00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:31,414 ‫"كعك (راندي)" 94 00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:37,003 ‫"الله يكرهنا جميعاً" 95 00:05:49,307 --> 00:05:50,808 ‫"للبيع ‫(بوتاش للعقارات)" 96 00:05:52,643 --> 00:05:53,478 ‫"للبيع" 97 00:05:56,064 --> 00:05:57,940 ‫لا تظنين أنني لا أعرف ماذا يجري هنا. 98 00:05:58,691 --> 00:06:01,360 ‫- وماذا يكون ذلك؟ ‫- لم تعودي منجذبة إلي. 99 00:06:01,611 --> 00:06:03,071 ‫هذا صحيح. 100 00:06:03,696 --> 00:06:05,656 ‫هربت معك في ليلة زفافي 101 00:06:05,740 --> 00:06:08,367 ‫لأنك لم تعد تثيرني. 102 00:06:08,618 --> 00:06:10,203 ‫من الناحية الكيميائية البحتة، 103 00:06:10,286 --> 00:06:12,914 ‫تدركين أنني لا أستطيع ‫أن أجعلك حبلى بعد الآن. 104 00:06:12,997 --> 00:06:15,333 ‫الضرورة البيولوجية أصبحت عرضة للخطر. 105 00:06:15,416 --> 00:06:18,795 ‫لابد أن تعتبر نفسك محظوظاً ‫لأننا حتى نمارس الجنس. 106 00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:21,339 ‫أعتبر نفسي كذلك، وقد كان رائعاً. 107 00:06:21,422 --> 00:06:23,841 ‫نسيت كم يسعك أن تكوني شرسة. 108 00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:26,761 ‫كلا، رجاء، لا تفعل ذلك. 109 00:06:26,844 --> 00:06:28,346 ‫- كلا، كان ذلك فظيعاً. ‫- جدياً. 110 00:06:28,429 --> 00:06:30,181 ‫لا ينبغي أن "يموء" الإنسان قط. 111 00:06:30,848 --> 00:06:32,892 ‫نفعل ما يفعله الأزواج يا "هانك". 112 00:06:32,975 --> 00:06:35,394 ‫نتخذ قرارات مسؤولة 113 00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:37,939 ‫وناضجة سوية. 114 00:06:38,189 --> 00:06:41,442 ‫- لماذا تبتسم على هذا النحو؟ ‫- أي نحو؟ 115 00:06:41,734 --> 00:06:43,361 ‫مثل متخلف. 116 00:06:44,362 --> 00:06:46,656 ‫يسرني سماعك تصفيننا بالزوجين مرة أخرى. 117 00:06:46,948 --> 00:06:48,032 ‫وقعه جميل على أذني. 118 00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:48,950 ‫عجباً. 119 00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:52,036 ‫لقد أخصوك بالفعل، صحيح؟ 120 00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:54,789 ‫قبلي المخصي. 121 00:06:56,582 --> 00:06:59,627 ‫- عزيزتي، رباه، لا تعتصريني. ‫- أعرف، أنا جد آسفة. 122 00:07:16,686 --> 00:07:17,895 ‫كيف حال أعضائك التناسلية؟ 123 00:07:18,187 --> 00:07:19,397 ‫إنها ليست محادثة 124 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:22,817 ‫رغبت حقاً أن أجريها مع ابنتي، ‫لكن شكراً على السؤال يا حلوتي. 125 00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:24,902 ‫- لقد اتصلت. ‫- من التي اتصلت؟ 126 00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:26,946 ‫عاهرة العقارات تلك. 127 00:07:27,071 --> 00:07:28,823 ‫ستحضر بعض الأشخاص للمعاينة. 128 00:07:28,906 --> 00:07:30,324 ‫انتبهي لكلامك أيتها الشابة. 129 00:07:30,408 --> 00:07:33,244 ‫في المرة القادمة التي تطلب مني ‫تنظيف غرفتي، سأقول، 130 00:07:33,536 --> 00:07:34,996 ‫"نظفي هذه يا سيدتي"، 131 00:07:35,163 --> 00:07:36,581 ‫وأقرص ثدييها. 132 00:07:38,749 --> 00:07:40,460 ‫بقدر ما أريد أن أشاهد ذلك، 133 00:07:40,626 --> 00:07:42,962 ‫الفكرة هي بيع هذا المكان والرحيل بسرعة. 134 00:07:43,379 --> 00:07:45,923 ‫لو رتبت غرفتك على أنغام موسيقى ‫ميتال الموت النرويجية، 135 00:07:46,007 --> 00:07:47,341 ‫أظنه سيخفف من وطأة الأمور قليلاً. 136 00:07:47,425 --> 00:07:50,470 ‫لن أساعد في بيع المنزل، ‫لأنني لا أريد الانتقال. 137 00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:51,929 ‫هذا هو بيتنا. 138 00:07:52,388 --> 00:07:53,306 ‫نحن سعداء هنا. 139 00:07:53,931 --> 00:07:55,141 ‫أحب "لوس أنجلوس". 140 00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:56,809 ‫إنها ابنتك. 141 00:07:58,227 --> 00:08:01,981 ‫عزيزتي، لا أمانع في خوض ‫هذه المناقشة للمرة الـ73، 142 00:08:02,106 --> 00:08:04,942 ‫لكن ألا يمكننا تأجيلها ‫حتى تتعافى خصيتا أبيك من الألم؟ 143 00:08:05,026 --> 00:08:07,195 ‫كما أنها "بلاك ميتال" وليس ميتال نرويجي. 144 00:08:07,278 --> 00:08:08,821 ‫- تحتاج إلى مزيد من الوقت. ‫- كلا... 145 00:08:08,905 --> 00:08:12,783 ‫"كارين"، لقد ناقشنا ذلك ‫كما يفعل الآباء المسؤولون على شاكلتنا... 146 00:08:12,867 --> 00:08:15,077 ‫"هانك"، ستظل"نيويورك" متاحة أمامنا. 147 00:08:15,203 --> 00:08:17,038 ‫وافقت على أن حالها سيكون ‫أفضل في "نيويورك". 148 00:08:17,121 --> 00:08:19,165 ‫لكن لا يعني ذلك أن نقتلعها 149 00:08:19,248 --> 00:08:20,625 ‫من الحياة الوحيدة التي تعرفها. 150 00:08:20,708 --> 00:08:23,127 ‫تباً. أحتاج إلى سيجارة. 151 00:08:23,794 --> 00:08:24,921 ‫ماذا عن بعض الـ"فيكودين"؟ 152 00:08:25,963 --> 00:08:27,131 ‫يروق لي ذلك. 153 00:08:27,381 --> 00:08:28,341 ‫سيفي ذلك بالغرض. 154 00:08:30,134 --> 00:08:31,886 ‫حصاني المخصي المسكين. 155 00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:33,179 ‫هذا لئيم. 156 00:08:36,807 --> 00:08:38,017 ‫"كارين". 157 00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:39,477 ‫"كارين". 158 00:08:39,560 --> 00:08:40,394 ‫بازلاء مجمدة. 159 00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:42,104 ‫أو فول صويا أخضر. 160 00:09:12,927 --> 00:09:13,844 ‫أشعر بارتياح. 161 00:09:21,018 --> 00:09:22,353 ‫اعتبروا أنفسكم في بيتكم. 162 00:09:23,646 --> 00:09:25,565 ‫بيتي بيتكم. 163 00:09:26,899 --> 00:09:29,485 ‫لكن ربما تريدون البدء بالفناء الخارجي. 164 00:09:35,908 --> 00:09:39,078 ‫أتظنني أستطيع أن أحصل ‫على خضرواتي المجمدة هناك؟ 165 00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:41,080 ‫أظنك يجب أن تنتظر دورك اللعين. 166 00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:50,006 ‫أنت. 167 00:09:50,339 --> 00:09:51,173 ‫أنا. 168 00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:54,176 ‫- نحن... ‫- بالتأكيد فعلنا. مرتان في الواقع. 169 00:09:54,302 --> 00:09:55,511 ‫منذ وقت طويل. 170 00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:57,597 ‫في مجرة ليست بعيدة. 171 00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:00,349 ‫وإذن كيف الأحوال؟ 172 00:10:01,058 --> 00:10:04,437 ‫ليس الكثير، جئت فحسب إلى المتجر ‫لشراء بعض البازلاء المجمدة. 173 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:06,188 ‫ربما بعض فول الصويا الأخضر. 174 00:10:06,355 --> 00:10:07,607 ‫يعود ذلك إلي تماماًَ. 175 00:10:08,816 --> 00:10:11,277 ‫- هل أنت بخير؟ ‫- أجل، لماذا؟ أنا بخير. 176 00:10:12,194 --> 00:10:14,989 ‫- تبدو كما لو كنت متألماً. ‫- ليس أكثر من المعتاد. 177 00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:17,074 ‫كيف هي أحوالك؟ 178 00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:19,660 ‫لا جديد. أعيش حياة مجنونة. 179 00:10:19,744 --> 00:10:22,246 ‫هذا حقيقي. الحياة صعبة على قوادة. 180 00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:25,124 ‫وإذن... 181 00:10:26,751 --> 00:10:29,712 ‫أتريد أن تنتشي وتستمع إلى بعض... 182 00:10:30,338 --> 00:10:31,464 ‫الأسطوانات؟ 183 00:10:32,256 --> 00:10:33,090 ‫رباه. 184 00:10:34,425 --> 00:10:35,968 ‫كنت لأفعل لولا أن... 185 00:10:36,761 --> 00:10:38,846 ‫ظروف حياتي تغيرت ‫منذ التقينا وحدنا أخر مرة. 186 00:10:39,013 --> 00:10:40,640 ‫لقد عدت إلى حبيبتي السابقة. 187 00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:42,767 ‫أم الأولاد. 188 00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:44,518 ‫لذا أنا... 189 00:10:46,771 --> 00:10:47,813 ‫هذا مؤسف. 190 00:10:48,606 --> 00:10:49,940 ‫كانت ممارسة الجنس معك رائعة. 191 00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:53,319 ‫حسناً، هذا... 192 00:10:54,070 --> 00:10:56,572 ‫قول رقيق منك. 193 00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:59,075 ‫سأبلغ سيدتي العجوز أنك قلت ذلك. 194 00:10:59,784 --> 00:11:00,785 ‫كن معاف يا "هانك". 195 00:11:07,124 --> 00:11:08,250 ‫وأنت أيضاً. 196 00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:14,799 ‫راكبة الأمواج. 197 00:11:15,674 --> 00:11:17,134 ‫هل أنت جبان من نوع ما؟ 198 00:11:17,593 --> 00:11:19,136 ‫كانت لتضاجعك بكل تأكيد. 199 00:11:19,261 --> 00:11:22,890 ‫- لم أعد أفعل ذلك. ‫- عليك أن تفعل طالما كنت قادراً. 200 00:11:23,474 --> 00:11:25,101 ‫لن تعرف قط متى سينتهي بك الحال إلى ذلك. 201 00:11:25,184 --> 00:11:26,769 ‫إنك لا تحتاج حقاً إلى ذلك الشيء. 202 00:11:26,852 --> 00:11:29,980 ‫أراهن أنك تحب فقط أن تتجول به، ‫لأنه يشعرك بأنك مميز. 203 00:11:30,064 --> 00:11:33,442 ‫هل سمعت من قبل ‫عن تدلي المستقيم، أيها الأحمق؟ 204 00:11:35,653 --> 00:11:36,487 ‫المستقيم؟ 205 00:11:37,488 --> 00:11:38,823 ‫كاد ذلك يقتله. 206 00:11:40,658 --> 00:11:41,492 ‫مرحباً؟ 207 00:11:42,368 --> 00:11:43,411 ‫أجل؟ كلا. 208 00:11:43,577 --> 00:11:45,329 ‫كانت هناك عندما خرجت. 209 00:12:07,351 --> 00:12:08,519 ‫أنت يا "بيكا". 210 00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:11,063 ‫إلى السيارة. الآن. 211 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:13,524 ‫- أبي. ‫- أنا لا أمزح، الآن. 212 00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:15,818 ‫أعطني ذلك. 213 00:12:19,822 --> 00:12:20,906 ‫وإذن من هذا، أبوك؟ 214 00:12:21,657 --> 00:12:22,700 ‫ابتعد. 215 00:12:23,325 --> 00:12:24,910 ‫أنا جاد، سأقتلك. 216 00:12:26,245 --> 00:12:27,830 ‫إنه وغد نوعاً ما. 217 00:12:37,256 --> 00:12:38,132 ‫نوعاً ما؟ 218 00:12:39,049 --> 00:12:40,342 ‫لا أريدها أن تتواجد هنا. 219 00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:42,261 ‫وماذا عساي أن أفعل؟ أطردها؟ 220 00:12:42,344 --> 00:12:44,096 ‫- إنها أختي المزيفة. ‫- ما هذا؟ 221 00:12:44,263 --> 00:12:46,182 ‫"(مضاجعة وملاكمة) ‫مذكرات (ميا كروس)" 222 00:12:46,891 --> 00:12:48,267 ‫إنها ليست مذكرات. 223 00:12:48,350 --> 00:12:50,811 ‫إنه سرد لعلاقتي الجنسية معك. 224 00:12:50,895 --> 00:12:52,771 ‫صغته في شكل رواية لعينة. 225 00:12:53,564 --> 00:12:56,066 ‫حتى لو كنت متحيرة وسرقت العمل اللعين. 226 00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:57,818 ‫أرجو أن تكوني مستمتعة به. 227 00:12:57,985 --> 00:13:00,196 ‫أرجو أن يفيدك كل عملي الدؤوب الذي بذلته. 228 00:13:00,404 --> 00:13:02,823 ‫- هل هو كذلك؟ ‫- بالفعل، إلى حد بعيد. 229 00:13:02,907 --> 00:13:05,784 ‫كما أرجو أنك تستمتع بزوجة أبي. 230 00:13:06,202 --> 00:13:08,496 ‫- يرسل تحياته بالمناسبة. ‫- كلا، لا يرسلها. 231 00:13:15,878 --> 00:13:16,962 ‫هل أنت بخير؟ 232 00:13:18,005 --> 00:13:18,839 ‫هنا؟ 233 00:13:19,256 --> 00:13:20,382 ‫أنت وحدك تماماً. 234 00:13:22,301 --> 00:13:24,637 ‫برغم أن سماعك تقول ذلك ‫يدفئ سويداء القلب... 235 00:13:25,387 --> 00:13:26,972 ‫أنا بخير، لا تقلق بشأني. 236 00:13:27,097 --> 00:13:30,017 ‫اقلق على "بيكا"، إنها غاضبة وخائفة. 237 00:13:30,726 --> 00:13:31,727 ‫خائفة؟ 238 00:13:32,561 --> 00:13:35,397 ‫فكر بالأمر. لقد حصلت كل ما أرادته دائماً. 239 00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:38,150 ‫النهاية السعيدة المثالية. 240 00:13:38,234 --> 00:13:40,778 ‫إنها تنتظر المحتوم فحسب. 241 00:13:40,861 --> 00:13:41,904 ‫سواء أن تفسد الأمر، 242 00:13:42,571 --> 00:13:44,657 ‫أو تدرك "كارين" أنها ارتكبت غلطة كبيرة. 243 00:13:44,949 --> 00:13:46,742 ‫كلاهما حتمي الحدوث. 244 00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:50,454 ‫تباً، أحتاج إلى سيجارة. 245 00:13:53,832 --> 00:13:54,667 ‫إلى اللقاء. 246 00:13:57,253 --> 00:13:58,879 ‫"شيء صغير مجنون اسمه الحب 2" 247 00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:05,761 ‫أعرف أنك غاضبة مني، 248 00:14:06,428 --> 00:14:08,931 ‫أعرف أنني وأمك فعلنا بك شيئاً لا يُغتفر، 249 00:14:09,014 --> 00:14:11,016 ‫وأعرف أنك تقتربين من السن الذي 250 00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:14,812 ‫مجرد التفكير في إجراء محادثة مع أبيك ‫تصيبك بالغثيان. 251 00:14:14,895 --> 00:14:18,482 ‫لكنني أردتك أن تعرفي ‫أنني لن أكف عن المحاولة، اتفقنا؟ 252 00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:22,862 ‫لأنك أفضل شيء حدث لي في حياتي... 253 00:14:23,612 --> 00:14:25,489 ‫وأنا أحبك حباً جماً. 254 00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:30,244 ‫كيف حال الخصيتين؟ 255 00:14:33,664 --> 00:14:36,041 ‫مرت عليهما أوقات أفضل، شكراً لك. 256 00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:38,252 ‫أكانت تلك ضحكة؟ 257 00:14:39,336 --> 00:14:42,548 ‫هل ألمي يضحكك؟ رباه، أنت مثل أمك بالضبط. 258 00:14:42,673 --> 00:14:46,635 ‫يجب أن تعرفي ما الذي عرضتني له تلك المرأة. ‫إنه شنيع وبربري. 259 00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:48,596 ‫يكاد يكون إجراء من القرون الوسطى. 260 00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:51,140 ‫صديقي "هانك"، ‫سبق وكنت في ذات المركب، اتفقنا؟ 261 00:14:51,223 --> 00:14:53,517 ‫- خضت نفس التجربة. ‫- هل استأصلت قناة المني؟ 262 00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:55,644 ‫لم في ظنك لم نُرزق بأي أطفال؟ 263 00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:57,980 ‫أظنني افترضت دوماً أنك عقيمة. 264 00:14:58,063 --> 00:14:58,981 ‫وغد. 265 00:14:59,064 --> 00:15:01,358 ‫- كوني لطيفة مع جندي الجريح. ‫- هو من بدأ. 266 00:15:01,442 --> 00:15:04,194 ‫- أو أن النسر الأصلع يقذف منياً فارغاً. ‫- أنا كذلك. 267 00:15:04,278 --> 00:15:07,197 ‫- منذ عملية استئصال قناة المني. ‫- حسناً، الثانية. 268 00:15:07,364 --> 00:15:09,867 ‫- ستثيرين ذعره. ‫- عملية ثانية؟ 269 00:15:09,950 --> 00:15:12,202 ‫- أي ثانية؟ ‫- تعرف، أنه... 270 00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:15,289 ‫أحياناً، لا تنجح. 271 00:15:15,456 --> 00:15:17,374 ‫"لا تنجح"؟ هذا ليس مريحاً. 272 00:15:17,458 --> 00:15:19,126 ‫هذا ليس مريحاً على الإطلاق. كلا. 273 00:15:19,209 --> 00:15:22,254 ‫لم أقطع جزءاً كبيراً من قناتي المنوية، 274 00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:25,507 ‫لأعود إلى ارتداء الواقيات الذكرية ‫مثل مراهق على وجهه حب الشباب. 275 00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:27,468 ‫- أحب الواقيات الذكرية؟ ‫- لماذا؟ 276 00:15:27,551 --> 00:15:30,304 ‫- ماذا تعني؟ ‫- إنها تبطئني يا رجل. 277 00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:32,848 ‫- تبقيني في اللعبة. ‫- إحساس التأخر. 278 00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:35,601 ‫- أتفهم ما أقصد؟ ‫- إنه سريع الانفعال. 279 00:15:35,726 --> 00:15:38,812 ‫هل تلمحين إلى أنه يقذف مبكراً؟ 280 00:15:40,147 --> 00:15:42,358 ‫- لطيف، شكراً لك. ‫- عظيم، صحيح؟ 281 00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:48,364 ‫لم تريدان العودة إلى مدينتكما المقززة تلك؟ 282 00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:51,075 ‫- لا تثر هذا الموضوع. ‫- لأنها مدينة. 283 00:15:51,158 --> 00:15:53,410 ‫بربك، هذه مدينة. 284 00:15:58,332 --> 00:16:00,918 ‫أجل، هذه "سونيا"، مرحباً. 285 00:16:02,503 --> 00:16:03,379 ‫محرج. 286 00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:09,551 ‫- مرحباً يا "كارين". ‫- مرحباً يا "سونيا". 287 00:16:09,843 --> 00:16:12,805 ‫- سررت بلقائك ثانية. ‫- وجدت شيئاً أفضل... 288 00:16:12,888 --> 00:16:14,848 ‫أتعنين أنك وجدت شيئاً أفضل 289 00:16:14,932 --> 00:16:18,978 ‫من طائفة دينية مزيفة أسسها ‫كاتب خيال علمي فاشل ومجنون؟ 290 00:16:19,436 --> 00:16:20,312 ‫أعلمني عن ذلك. 291 00:16:20,396 --> 00:16:22,398 ‫الأمر معقد قليلاً لاسيما في حضور الشراب، 292 00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:24,775 ‫لكن ربما على الغداء غداً؟ لقد مر وقت طويل. 293 00:16:24,858 --> 00:16:26,902 ‫- مؤكد، سيكون ذلك رائعاً. ‫- تمهلي قليلاً. 294 00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:28,904 ‫لست متأكداً من شعوري إزاء تناول سيدتين 295 00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:31,240 ‫طارحتهما الغرام للغداء سوية. 296 00:16:31,865 --> 00:16:34,284 ‫حسناً، أنا متأكد أنني أحس بسرور إزاء ذلك. 297 00:16:35,327 --> 00:16:38,288 ‫هذا رقيق. هل عدتما رسمياً ‫إلى بعضكما البعض؟ 298 00:16:38,372 --> 00:16:41,083 ‫في الوقت الراهن، حتى نفسد الأمر، صحيح؟ 299 00:16:41,291 --> 00:16:43,168 ‫قد يحدث ذلك في أي لحظة الآن. 300 00:16:43,627 --> 00:16:47,256 ‫- عزيزي، "جوليان" كاتب أيضاً. ‫- حقاً؟ تعازي. 301 00:16:47,548 --> 00:16:50,384 ‫كتب "الفنان الذي بالداخل". عبقري جداً. 302 00:16:50,467 --> 00:16:52,553 ‫- مستحيل. ‫- الحساب من فضلك. 303 00:16:52,970 --> 00:16:54,179 ‫"هانك"، هذا وقح. 304 00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:56,807 ‫- سأرسل إليكما نسخة إن أردتما. ‫- هذا ليس ضرورياً. 305 00:16:56,890 --> 00:16:59,476 ‫لدي نسخة على منضدتي المجاورة للسرير. أحبه. 306 00:17:00,686 --> 00:17:01,937 ‫دعني أحاول أن أفهم ذلك. 307 00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,898 ‫تمهل، تكتب عن طبيعة الحياة كفنان. 308 00:17:04,982 --> 00:17:08,193 ‫- لا تكن وقحاً يا "هانك". ‫- تطلبين المستحيل يا حبيبتي. 309 00:17:08,402 --> 00:17:11,697 ‫كلا، لا بأس، السلبية، إنها طبيعية. 310 00:17:12,823 --> 00:17:16,410 ‫ما أتناوله هو الوصول إلى الفنان 311 00:17:16,618 --> 00:17:19,038 ‫الموجود داخل كل واحد منا. 312 00:17:19,121 --> 00:17:21,206 ‫هذا فعال حقاً. لم أكن أسعد حالاً قط. 313 00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:23,375 ‫أعمالي لم تكن أفضل قط. 314 00:17:23,625 --> 00:17:27,337 ‫إنني حتى أفكر في التوسع ‫والاستعانة بمهندس معماري. يجب أن نتحدث. 315 00:17:27,546 --> 00:17:31,175 ‫إذن أنت تؤمن حقاً أن كل شخص على هذا الكوكب 316 00:17:31,258 --> 00:17:34,011 ‫يحمل فناناً في داخله؟ 317 00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:36,972 ‫كأنه نتوء داخلي، إذا جاز التعبير؟ 318 00:17:37,222 --> 00:17:38,057 ‫نعم. 319 00:17:38,182 --> 00:17:40,976 ‫مما يعني أنك تعتبر نفسك فناناً؟ 320 00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:45,606 ‫أحب أن أعتبر نفسي... أقرب إلى قابلة مبدعة. 321 00:17:45,689 --> 00:17:48,609 ‫وأنا أحب أن أعتبر نفسي ‫صاحب قضيب طوله 30 سنتيمتراً، 322 00:17:48,692 --> 00:17:50,486 ‫لكن ذلك لا يجعله بهذا الطول. 323 00:17:50,569 --> 00:17:51,737 ‫أقل بخمس سنتيمترات. 324 00:17:51,820 --> 00:17:52,654 ‫مرحى! 325 00:17:54,740 --> 00:17:56,450 ‫حسناً، لابد أن نرحل يا حبيبتي. 326 00:17:56,784 --> 00:17:58,619 ‫- تجاوزنا التأخر بداعي الأهمية. ‫- صحيح. 327 00:17:58,702 --> 00:18:01,747 ‫أتعرفون؟ نحن ذاهبان إلى ذلك الحفل ‫في "لوريل كانيون". 328 00:18:01,830 --> 00:18:04,041 ‫- أتريدون المجيء؟ ‫- أهو في ذلك المنزل؟ 329 00:18:04,124 --> 00:18:05,959 ‫- حفل؟ حتى نحن؟ ‫- أجل. 330 00:18:07,002 --> 00:18:08,045 ‫ممتاز. هيا بنا. 331 00:18:08,128 --> 00:18:09,755 ‫- حقاً؟ ‫- كلا، لكن استمتعا بوقتكما. 332 00:18:24,478 --> 00:18:26,688 ‫- أقلعت عن التدخين. ‫- عجباً. يا له من أمر مدهش. 333 00:18:26,980 --> 00:18:28,190 ‫- تفضلي. ‫- كلا، شكراً. 334 00:18:28,315 --> 00:18:31,110 ‫- هل أقلعت من أجل الصوم الكبير؟ ‫- كلا، أنا... 335 00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:34,571 ‫أنا حبلى. ألم تلحظ انتفاخي؟ 336 00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:36,824 ‫أجل، لاحظته، ظننت فقط ‫أنك اكتسبت بعض الوزن. 337 00:18:36,907 --> 00:18:39,535 ‫كلا، أنا أمزح. تهاني. 338 00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:42,079 ‫شكراً لك. نحن سعيدان جداً. 339 00:18:42,204 --> 00:18:43,539 ‫أحسنت يا سيدتي. 340 00:18:44,248 --> 00:18:47,501 ‫في المرة الأخيرة التي رأيتك فيها، ‫كنت تمارسين الجنس بالوضع الكلابي، 341 00:18:47,584 --> 00:18:49,962 ‫وتتقيئين في غرفة نوم "بيل". 342 00:18:50,045 --> 00:18:52,089 ‫وهي بعض الأشياء القليلة التي أعجبتني فيك. 343 00:18:52,172 --> 00:18:53,632 ‫أفعلت ذلك حقاً؟ 344 00:18:53,924 --> 00:18:55,092 ‫لا تتغيري أبداً. 345 00:18:55,217 --> 00:18:56,426 ‫ما هذا بحق الجحيم؟ 346 00:18:57,636 --> 00:18:59,263 ‫- ماذا؟ ‫- ألم رهيب في القضيب. 347 00:18:59,429 --> 00:19:01,473 ‫يجب أن أذهب. سررت بلقائك. 348 00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:07,813 ‫يا أماه. 349 00:19:09,189 --> 00:19:10,566 ‫يا للهول! 350 00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:14,194 ‫تركتك بمفردك لثانيتين فقط. ‫لا يفترض أن تفعلي ذلك. 351 00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:17,364 ‫- ولم لا يا أبي؟ ‫- تعرفين السبب. 352 00:19:17,823 --> 00:19:19,074 ‫أعرف لكن... 353 00:19:19,616 --> 00:19:21,201 ‫انظر إلى منظرها الجميل. 354 00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:25,247 ‫- جواري جميلات صغيرات مصطفة. ‫- أتريدين العودة إلى "بروميسيز"؟ 355 00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:33,046 ‫ألا تتذكر... 356 00:19:36,550 --> 00:19:38,635 ‫كم كان الجنس ممتعاً... 357 00:19:39,553 --> 00:19:42,222 ‫عندما كنت أرشه على أعضاءك الشقية؟ 358 00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:46,977 ‫يبدو أنني أتذكر شيئاً مبهجاً بشكل غامض ‫إزاء ذلك الإحساس، أجل. 359 00:20:01,074 --> 00:20:03,619 ‫ماذا تعرفين؟ أنت بدون ‫"الفنان الذي بالداخل". 360 00:20:04,077 --> 00:20:06,496 ‫- لابد أنك تشعرين بالوحدة. ‫- لابد أنك تشعر بالغيرة. 361 00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:08,123 ‫هذا لطيف نوعاً ما. 362 00:20:09,416 --> 00:20:10,417 ‫يجب أن نرحل. 363 00:20:10,667 --> 00:20:11,501 ‫"هانك". 364 00:20:11,793 --> 00:20:13,003 ‫أنا جد... 365 00:20:13,587 --> 00:20:15,797 ‫ممتنة لما فعلته من أجلي اليوم. 366 00:20:18,091 --> 00:20:18,926 ‫أنا كذلك حقاً. 367 00:20:21,887 --> 00:20:23,680 ‫ما فعلته اليوم يعني أنني لا أستطيع هذا 368 00:20:23,764 --> 00:20:25,807 ‫أو أي شيء آخر طوال الساعات الـ48 القادمة. 369 00:20:25,891 --> 00:20:27,351 ‫حقاً؟ 370 00:20:29,978 --> 00:20:32,522 ‫هناك وسائل عدة لإنجاز الأمر. 371 00:20:34,107 --> 00:20:36,068 ‫رباه، أحبك وأنت منتشية. 372 00:20:36,360 --> 00:20:39,029 ‫حقاً؟ أحب حبك لي وأنا منتشية. 373 00:20:42,991 --> 00:20:45,035 ‫- اللعنة. ‫- ماذا؟ 374 00:20:45,452 --> 00:20:48,580 ‫- أظنك جعلتني أنتصب. ‫- حسناً، هذه أنباء عظيمة. 375 00:20:48,664 --> 00:20:51,833 ‫إنها أنباء عظيمة. ‫كلا، أخشى أنني ربما أفتح غرزة. 376 00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:53,961 ‫- تعال هنا. ‫- كلا، أريد تفحصه. 377 00:20:54,044 --> 00:20:56,505 ‫سأعود فوراً. لا أريدك أن تريه الآن. 378 00:20:56,588 --> 00:20:57,506 ‫قد يكون دموياً. 379 00:20:58,966 --> 00:21:00,384 ‫ماذا تفعلين؟ 380 00:21:02,302 --> 00:21:03,929 ‫آخذ وضعي. 381 00:21:06,515 --> 00:21:08,183 ‫لا تتردي في البدء بدوني. 382 00:21:14,064 --> 00:21:15,482 ‫مرحباً، ألديك واق ذكري؟ 383 00:21:16,149 --> 00:21:18,819 ‫أظن أن لدي واقياً قديماً في محفظتي ‫من أيام المدرسة الثانوية، 384 00:21:18,902 --> 00:21:20,153 ‫لكنني واثق أن صلاحيته انتهت. 385 00:21:20,237 --> 00:21:21,071 ‫أعطيني إياه. 386 00:21:21,613 --> 00:21:22,698 ‫كنت أمزح. 387 00:21:22,781 --> 00:21:24,616 ‫تصر هذه الفتاة اللعينة أن... 388 00:21:24,908 --> 00:21:26,827 ‫أرتدي واقياً. فيم كل ذلك؟ 389 00:21:26,910 --> 00:21:28,912 ‫- إنه ليس ممتعاً. ‫- على الإطلاق. 390 00:21:28,996 --> 00:21:31,456 ‫لو أن الغرفة مظلمة، ‫يمكنك أن تفتح كيس علاج حموضة. 391 00:21:31,581 --> 00:21:34,001 ‫- وأضاجعها به؟ ‫- كلا، إنه مجرد... 392 00:21:34,251 --> 00:21:37,045 ‫سيخلق الوهم بأنك ترتدي واقياً ذكرياً. 393 00:21:37,254 --> 00:21:38,672 ‫"ديفيد كوبرفيلد" يفعل ذلك. 394 00:21:38,964 --> 00:21:40,507 ‫ليس على المسرح. 395 00:21:41,008 --> 00:21:42,801 ‫- شكراً يا رجل. ‫- كلا، كنت أمزح! 396 00:22:54,873 --> 00:22:56,083 ‫مهلاً أيها الوغد. 397 00:22:58,168 --> 00:22:59,086 ‫مهلاً. 398 00:22:59,795 --> 00:23:00,629 ‫مرحباً؟ 399 00:23:01,505 --> 00:23:02,380 ‫"كارين"؟ 400 00:23:05,675 --> 00:23:06,510 ‫"كارين". 401 00:23:06,968 --> 00:23:07,844 ‫- "كارين"؟ ‫- مهلاً. 402 00:23:08,053 --> 00:23:10,472 ‫- هل لدى أحد علاج للحموضة؟ ‫- "لو"! 403 00:23:12,140 --> 00:23:14,476 ‫هذا المنحرف اللعين حاول للتو اغتصابي بفمه. 404 00:23:15,685 --> 00:23:17,521 ‫ما هذا بحق الجحيم يا رجل؟ أنت ضيف في بيتي 405 00:23:17,687 --> 00:23:18,730 ‫وتحاول بفمك اغتصاب... 406 00:23:20,649 --> 00:23:22,859 ‫- ما اسمك يا عزيزتي؟ ‫- "ديستني". 407 00:23:23,985 --> 00:23:26,780 ‫بربك. لم يكن هناك أي اغتصاب. 408 00:23:27,155 --> 00:23:29,616 ‫لم أرتكب الاغتصاب، ‫لست من تلك النوعية من الرجال. 409 00:23:31,952 --> 00:23:33,620 ‫"كارين"، كنت أبحث عنك، ها أنت ذا. 410 00:23:33,787 --> 00:23:35,622 ‫رباه، أخبريهم أنني لست مغتصباً. 411 00:23:36,998 --> 00:23:38,834 ‫مارست الجنس الفموي عليها بطريق الخطأ. 412 00:23:39,042 --> 00:23:39,876 ‫ماذا؟ 413 00:23:40,293 --> 00:23:42,129 ‫كيف يمكنك ممارسة ذلك بطريق الخطأ على أحد؟ 414 00:23:42,462 --> 00:23:44,089 ‫منزل كبير به غرف كثيرة، وكانت مظلمة، 415 00:23:44,464 --> 00:23:45,924 ‫ذهبت إلى المرحاض، ثم ضللت طريقي، 416 00:23:46,216 --> 00:23:47,676 ‫وبطريق الخطأ مارست عليها الجنس الفموي. 417 00:23:50,971 --> 00:23:52,013 ‫سأصدق ذلك. 418 00:23:52,639 --> 00:23:53,807 ‫لكن حاول إقناعها به. 419 00:23:56,434 --> 00:23:59,271 ‫يتصادف أنني تحصلت على مزلق وقائي. 420 00:24:01,898 --> 00:24:03,108 ‫سأحضر السيارة. 421 00:24:08,530 --> 00:24:10,490 ‫أعرف، تفوح مني رائحة مهبل. 422 00:24:11,283 --> 00:24:14,911 ‫أنا آسف يا "كارين"، أنا جد آسف. ‫كانت هذه غلطة غير مقصودة. 423 00:24:15,662 --> 00:24:18,665 ‫وضعت فمك للتو على مهبل امرأة أخرى. 424 00:24:18,748 --> 00:24:22,460 ‫أجل فعلت. لكن فور أن لمس لساني بظرها، ‫عرفت أنه ليس مهبلك. 425 00:24:22,544 --> 00:24:23,753 ‫لم يكن مثالياً. 426 00:24:23,879 --> 00:24:26,548 ‫يمكنني التعرف على مهبلك ‫من بين طابور عرض مهابل في الشرطة. 427 00:24:26,631 --> 00:24:29,676 ‫أستطيع ذلك. لو جرى اعتقال مهبلك، ‫لا قدر الله، 428 00:24:30,093 --> 00:24:32,637 ‫وكان لابد من التعرف عليه في طابور عرض ما، 429 00:24:32,721 --> 00:24:35,724 ‫سأعرفه على الفور. ‫"المهبل رقم 2، تقدم خطوة". 430 00:24:35,891 --> 00:24:37,225 ‫اكشفوا عن هويته. 431 00:24:37,767 --> 00:24:38,768 ‫هذا يخص "كارين". 432 00:24:39,436 --> 00:24:44,149 ‫يا إلهي. لابد أنني كنت مجنونة ‫لأنني ظننت أن الأمور ستكون مختلفة. 433 00:24:45,150 --> 00:24:46,443 ‫تباً لي! 434 00:24:54,367 --> 00:24:56,745 ‫لا تبدئي بالتفوه بكلام لن تستطيعي سحبه. 435 00:24:57,037 --> 00:24:58,830 ‫لا أريد أن أسحبه. 436 00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:00,624 ‫- بل تريدين. ‫- كلا، لا أريد. 437 00:25:00,707 --> 00:25:02,417 ‫- أنت تريدين. ‫- لا تخبرني بنواياي. 438 00:25:02,500 --> 00:25:04,544 ‫- مساء الخير يا سيدي وسيدتي. ‫- مساء الخير. 439 00:25:04,711 --> 00:25:06,171 ‫أتعرف لم أوقفتك؟ 440 00:25:06,254 --> 00:25:09,466 ‫- كلا، لا أعرف يا سيدي. ‫- علمني أيها الضابط... 441 00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:12,552 ‫- "قضيب"؟ حقاً؟ ‫- اخرس. 442 00:25:13,678 --> 00:25:14,679 ‫الضابط "قضيب". 443 00:25:14,763 --> 00:25:17,349 ‫كان ذلك منحطاً بالمناسبة. ‫ضربة تحت الحزام حقاً. 444 00:25:17,432 --> 00:25:19,392 ‫أيصدر ذلك من "مغتصب بالفم"؟ 445 00:25:19,684 --> 00:25:21,019 ‫لديك مصباح سيارة معطل. 446 00:25:21,269 --> 00:25:24,522 ‫أجل، إنه معطل منذ شهور، لكن يتم توقيفي ‫الليلة من دون كل الليالي. 447 00:25:24,606 --> 00:25:25,899 ‫إنه حظي اللعين وحسب. 448 00:25:26,024 --> 00:25:30,237 ‫- هذا كله مرجعه إلى الحظ. إنه... ‫- هلا أرجأنا مناقشة ذلك؟ 449 00:25:30,487 --> 00:25:32,864 ‫أهناك سبب يدعوك ‫إلى عدم ارتداء قميص يا سيدي؟ 450 00:25:32,989 --> 00:25:35,408 ‫أجل، هناك سبب لذلك أيها الضابط. 451 00:25:35,617 --> 00:25:37,953 ‫هناك سبب وجيه، ‫ولا يسعني حتى أن أحاول شرحه. 452 00:25:38,078 --> 00:25:39,454 ‫كلا! حاول. 453 00:25:39,537 --> 00:25:41,957 ‫حاول، لنرى إن كان سيظنه خطأ غير مقصود. 454 00:25:42,082 --> 00:25:44,292 ‫حسناً. مرة أخيرة ‫لأجل متفرجي المقاعد الرخيصة. 455 00:25:44,376 --> 00:25:46,711 ‫ما حدث كان يمكن أن يحدث لأي شخص. 456 00:25:46,795 --> 00:25:50,006 ‫مكان خاطئ، توقيت خاطئ، مهبل خاطئ. 457 00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:54,552 ‫- أنا آسفة، كان يشرب الخمر. ‫- ما هذا بحق الجحيم يا "كارين"؟ 458 00:25:56,221 --> 00:25:59,099 ‫- هل كنت تشرب الخمر يا سيدي؟ ‫- منذ ساعات... 459 00:25:59,516 --> 00:26:02,185 ‫لكن دون إفراط، لم أعد أفعل ذلك. 460 00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:05,689 ‫أعني أنا أفعل، لكن ليس بالكثرة ‫التي كنت معتاداً عليها. 461 00:26:05,772 --> 00:26:07,691 ‫كما كان يتناول الـ"فيكودين". 462 00:26:07,774 --> 00:26:09,025 ‫بربك. 463 00:26:09,693 --> 00:26:11,152 ‫هذا... يا "كارين"... 464 00:26:12,487 --> 00:26:15,365 ‫أعرف أنك غاضبة لأنني مارست ‫الجنس الفموي على تلك المرأة، 465 00:26:15,448 --> 00:26:19,035 ‫لكن هل تحاولين الزج بي في السجن؟ 466 00:26:19,202 --> 00:26:21,871 ‫- هل يمكنك النزول من السيارة؟ ‫- انتظر يا سيدي، هناك... 467 00:26:21,955 --> 00:26:26,167 ‫- اخرج من السيارة الآن. ‫- لقد ضبطتنا في توقيت سيئ حقاً. 468 00:26:26,251 --> 00:26:28,503 ‫- إنه توقيت سيئ. ‫- أعذريني لقولي ذلك يا سيدتي. 469 00:26:28,670 --> 00:26:31,131 ‫لست مضطرة إلى تحمل ‫مثل هذا النوع من السلوكيات. 470 00:26:31,214 --> 00:26:33,341 ‫لم لا تهتم بشأنك وحسب؟ 471 00:26:33,425 --> 00:26:35,135 ‫- المعذرة يا سيدي؟ ‫- اخرس فحسب. 472 00:26:35,218 --> 00:26:38,596 ‫مع فائق احترامي، لكن ألا تتجاوز هنا ‫حدود مهام وظيفتك؟ 473 00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:41,474 ‫لم أكن أعرف أن لديكم الحق ‫في التعبير عن آرائكم. 474 00:26:44,019 --> 00:26:46,062 ‫هل كنت تدخن الماريغوانا يا سيدي؟ 475 00:26:47,731 --> 00:26:48,815 ‫نفس واحد. 476 00:26:49,316 --> 00:26:50,317 ‫- واحد! ‫- حسناً، هيا بنا. 477 00:26:50,525 --> 00:26:52,610 ‫لا يمكنك أن تلقي القبض على أحدهم ‫لأنه متحاذق. 478 00:26:52,694 --> 00:26:55,739 ‫كلا، لكن بالتأكيد يسعني القبض عليك ‫بسبب القيادة تحت تأثير المخدر، صحيح؟ 479 00:26:55,822 --> 00:26:57,324 ‫أيها الضابط، المعذرة. 480 00:26:57,574 --> 00:27:00,493 ‫هذا مجرد سوء تفاهم كبير. 481 00:27:00,577 --> 00:27:01,703 ‫بالتأكيد هو كذلك، اتفقنا؟ 482 00:27:01,828 --> 00:27:04,039 ‫الشيء الذي لا يسعني فهمه... 483 00:27:04,205 --> 00:27:07,709 ‫هو ماذا تفعل امرأة مثلها مع وغد مثلك. 484 00:27:07,792 --> 00:27:09,669 ‫لابد أنها مجنونة، صحيح؟ 485 00:27:09,794 --> 00:27:12,505 ‫أو ربما هكذا تحبهن، صحيح؟ مجنونات قليلاً. 486 00:27:12,589 --> 00:27:15,258 ‫أو ربما لو كنت تمارس معها ‫الجنس الفموي أكثر... 487 00:27:16,343 --> 00:27:17,177 ‫"هانك". 488 00:27:17,594 --> 00:27:18,678 ‫يا للهو... 489 00:27:20,472 --> 00:27:21,306 ‫كلا! 490 00:27:23,266 --> 00:27:24,351 ‫كلا! 491 00:27:31,775 --> 00:27:33,068 ‫إلا الخصيتان! 1 00:00:16,891 --> 00:00:18,934 Previously on Californication... 2 00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:23,063 I'm having what you might call a crisis of faith. To put it simply, I can't write. 3 00:00:23,106 --> 00:00:26,692 You have this incredible talent, and you're just flushing it down the toilet. 4 00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:28,861 Maybe you're right. I'm fucked up right now. 5 00:00:28,903 --> 00:00:31,155 - I need you. - No, I'm getting married. 6 00:00:32,407 --> 00:00:35,325 - Is Dad a bad person? - No. Not at all. 7 00:00:35,368 --> 00:00:38,328 I mean, he does have a habit of getting into trouble sometimes. 8 00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:39,747 Fuckin' fucker! 9 00:00:41,791 --> 00:00:45,669 Get on with your life. And forget about the woman you didn't want to marry. 10 00:00:45,712 --> 00:00:49,131 As your friend and agent, may I suggest you start looking for a nice girl. 11 00:00:49,174 --> 00:00:51,175 What is your name, by the way? 12 00:00:51,217 --> 00:00:53,218 Wouldn't you rather just fuck me? 13 00:00:53,261 --> 00:00:54,595 I'm a scientologist, Hank. 14 00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:59,099 So, you're the famous writer, huh? 15 00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:01,852 This is Mia, Bill's daughter. 16 00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:03,729 She's 16. 17 00:01:03,772 --> 00:01:07,274 What happened the other night will never happen again. 18 00:01:07,317 --> 00:01:09,234 I know you guys aren't gonna live happily ever after. 19 00:01:09,277 --> 00:01:11,653 It's just nice to be together sometimes. 20 00:01:11,696 --> 00:01:14,281 I want to go back and do it all over again. 21 00:01:14,324 --> 00:01:15,657 I'm gonna marry Bill. 22 00:01:16,743 --> 00:01:18,327 - I wrote something. - You what? 23 00:01:18,369 --> 00:01:21,455 - Hank wrote a new book? Can I read it? - I don't think that's appropriate. 24 00:01:21,498 --> 00:01:22,539 What did you write? 25 00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:25,292 An older man unwittingly beds an underage girl. 26 00:01:25,335 --> 00:01:26,418 I wrote this novel. 27 00:01:26,461 --> 00:01:29,421 - This woman's written the book of the year. - Is that right? 28 00:01:29,464 --> 00:01:32,716 If I say anything, there's no stopping her from telling Karen. 29 00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:33,842 Fuck, the police. 30 00:01:33,885 --> 00:01:36,637 If anyone knows of a reason why this couple should not wed, 31 00:01:36,679 --> 00:01:38,472 speak now or forever hold your peace. 32 00:01:38,515 --> 00:01:39,807 What? 33 00:01:40,517 --> 00:01:42,601 - Wait! Hank! - You sure? 34 00:01:42,644 --> 00:01:44,478 Quick, before I change my fuckin' mind. 35 00:01:44,521 --> 00:01:46,688 Karen, wait! Come back! 36 00:02:32,610 --> 00:02:34,236 Are you ready? 37 00:02:36,573 --> 00:02:37,698 Fuck, no. 38 00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:41,910 You are gonna be so glad you did this. 39 00:02:41,953 --> 00:02:44,037 I don't want to talk about it right now. 40 00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:48,083 I've got a godlike erection. Seems a shame to waste it. 41 00:02:48,126 --> 00:02:49,710 We got to get going. 42 00:02:49,752 --> 00:02:50,878 Really? 43 00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:53,505 You'd deny a dying man his final meal? 44 00:02:53,965 --> 00:02:57,843 Oh, my God. You're gonna milk this for all it's worth, aren't you? 45 00:02:57,886 --> 00:03:01,013 Absolutely. Don't make me beg. It's unseemly. 46 00:03:02,974 --> 00:03:07,144 - Fine. You better make it snappy. - Oh, you won't feel a thing. I promise. 47 00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:12,399 - Oh, what are you doing? - Just assuming the posish. 48 00:03:12,442 --> 00:03:14,234 Oh. Oh, hot diggety. 49 00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:17,863 - What are you doing? - I'm assuming my posish. 50 00:03:17,906 --> 00:03:21,450 Get a rubber. One more time. Come on, what's the big deal? 51 00:03:21,534 --> 00:03:26,413 That's my point exactly. I'll pull out and hose you down. 52 00:03:26,456 --> 00:03:28,540 Is that supposed to turn me on? 53 00:03:28,583 --> 00:03:29,958 Maybe. 54 00:03:30,001 --> 00:03:32,502 - Did it? - Not so much. 55 00:03:40,136 --> 00:03:44,056 You better start talking dirty. This could take a while. 56 00:03:44,432 --> 00:03:45,724 OK. 57 00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:49,019 - What do you want me to say? - Right before you come... 58 00:03:50,146 --> 00:03:52,105 ...call me Bill. 59 00:03:52,148 --> 00:03:55,651 - Who says I'm gonna come? - Ooh, a challenge. 60 00:03:56,736 --> 00:03:57,861 Game on. 61 00:04:00,114 --> 00:04:02,324 Get ready for Thor's hammer. 62 00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:11,959 - You want to see it? - See what? 63 00:04:12,001 --> 00:04:14,544 The section of the vas def I just cut out. 64 00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:16,129 Vas definitely not. 65 00:04:16,172 --> 00:04:20,300 If it feels like I'm sewing the flesh at the base of your penis back together, 66 00:04:20,343 --> 00:04:21,468 that's because I am. 67 00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:24,346 Why do you look like a welder? You're not welding anything, are you? 68 00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:27,182 - So, why the vasectomy? - I hate the rubbers. 69 00:04:28,226 --> 00:04:31,103 Yeah, me too. Can't feel a damn thing. 70 00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:34,106 Try not to give the guy a hard-on, OK? 71 00:04:34,857 --> 00:04:36,233 That would be messy. 72 00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:40,946 Looks like there's a new Pope. 73 00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:44,533 Pain and swelling, totally normal. A bag of frozen peas should do the trick. 74 00:04:44,575 --> 00:04:47,244 Some prefer edamame. It's totally up to you. 75 00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:50,247 No sex for 48 hours, and that includes masturbation. 76 00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:52,207 After that, the more the better. 77 00:04:52,250 --> 00:04:55,335 Seriously. You still got a lot of viable sperm up in there. 78 00:04:55,378 --> 00:04:59,423 Got to get it out somehow. If you need any help, let me know. 79 00:04:59,465 --> 00:05:00,966 Great-looking cock. 80 00:05:04,178 --> 00:05:05,762 Thank you. 81 00:05:56,230 --> 00:05:58,648 Don't think I don't see what's happening here. 82 00:05:58,691 --> 00:05:59,775 Oh, what's that? 83 00:05:59,817 --> 00:06:01,943 You're not attracted to me anymore. 84 00:06:01,986 --> 00:06:03,820 That's right, that's right. 85 00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:05,822 I ran away with you on my wedding night 86 00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:08,367 because you just don't do it for me anymore. 87 00:06:08,409 --> 00:06:10,285 Yes. See, on a purely chemical level, 88 00:06:10,328 --> 00:06:13,038 you realise that I can't impregnate you any more. 89 00:06:13,081 --> 00:06:15,582 The biological imperative has been compromised. 90 00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:18,960 You should consider yourself lucky that we're even having sex. 91 00:06:19,003 --> 00:06:21,505 Oh, I do. I do. And it's been rad. 92 00:06:21,547 --> 00:06:24,132 You know, I forgot what a little hellcat you can be. 93 00:06:24,759 --> 00:06:26,760 No, no, no, no. Please, don't do that. 94 00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:28,553 - No, that was gross. - Seriously. 95 00:06:28,596 --> 00:06:30,472 Man should not meow... Ever. 96 00:06:31,015 --> 00:06:33,058 We're doing what couples do, Hank. 97 00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:37,187 We're making responsible, grown-up decisions. 98 00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:38,271 Together. 99 00:06:38,314 --> 00:06:41,108 - Why are you smiling like that? - How am I smiling? 100 00:06:41,943 --> 00:06:43,819 Like a retard. 101 00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:47,280 It was just nice to hear you refer to us as a couple again. 102 00:06:47,323 --> 00:06:49,574 - Sounded good. - Wow... 103 00:06:50,034 --> 00:06:53,245 They really did neuter you, didn't they? 104 00:06:53,287 --> 00:06:54,413 Kiss the eunuch. 105 00:06:56,290 --> 00:06:59,876 - Oh, honey! God. Don't grind. No grinding. - I know, but I forgot. I'm so sorry. 106 00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:17,811 How's the package? 107 00:07:17,854 --> 00:07:20,730 This is not a conversation I ever wanted to have with my daughter, 108 00:07:20,773 --> 00:07:22,357 but thanks for asking, sweetie. 109 00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:25,444 - She called. - She who? 110 00:07:25,486 --> 00:07:28,947 That real estate whore. She's bringing some people by. 111 00:07:28,990 --> 00:07:30,574 Language, young lady. 112 00:07:30,616 --> 00:07:35,203 Next time she tells me to clean my room, I'm gonna say, "Clean this, lady!" 113 00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:36,872 And give her a titty twister. 114 00:07:38,875 --> 00:07:40,542 As much as I'd like to see that, 115 00:07:40,585 --> 00:07:43,128 the idea is to sell this place and get out of dodge. 116 00:07:43,171 --> 00:07:45,922 If you tidied up your shrine to Norwegian death metal, 117 00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:47,799 it might facilitate things a little bit. 118 00:07:47,842 --> 00:07:50,844 I don't want to help sell the place because I don't want to move. 119 00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:53,263 This is our home. We're happy here. 120 00:07:53,931 --> 00:07:55,724 I love L.A. 121 00:07:55,766 --> 00:07:57,100 She's your daughter. 122 00:07:58,227 --> 00:08:02,147 Hey, honey, not that I mind having this conversation for the 73rd time this week, 123 00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:05,150 but could we do it maybe when Daddy's balls don't ache so much? 124 00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:07,444 And it's black metal, not Norwegian! 125 00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:08,987 She needs more time. 126 00:08:09,030 --> 00:08:12,824 No, Karen, we have discussed this like the responsible parents that we are. 127 00:08:12,867 --> 00:08:15,494 New York will always be there for us. 128 00:08:15,536 --> 00:08:17,329 You agreed she'd be better off in New York. 129 00:08:17,413 --> 00:08:21,291 But we don't have the right to yank her away from the only life she knows. 130 00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:23,376 Damn it. I need a cigarette. 131 00:08:23,961 --> 00:08:25,128 How about a Vicodin? 132 00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:27,380 Oh, I like-o-din. 133 00:08:27,423 --> 00:08:28,632 Well, that'll do. 134 00:08:30,384 --> 00:08:32,135 My poor little gelding. 135 00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:33,261 That's mean. 136 00:08:37,225 --> 00:08:39,351 Karen. Karen! 137 00:08:39,435 --> 00:08:41,061 Peas! 138 00:08:41,103 --> 00:08:42,812 Or edamame! 139 00:09:12,843 --> 00:09:14,219 That is nice. 140 00:09:21,018 --> 00:09:22,644 Make yourself at home. 141 00:09:23,771 --> 00:09:25,855 Mi casa es su casa. 142 00:09:26,857 --> 00:09:29,901 Might want to start out at the patio, though. 143 00:09:35,866 --> 00:09:39,286 Hey, big fella, you think I might get my hands on some frozen veggies there? 144 00:09:39,328 --> 00:09:41,454 I think you should wait your fuckin' turn. 145 00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:50,171 You. 146 00:09:50,214 --> 00:09:51,381 Me. 147 00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:52,757 - We... - Sure did. 148 00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:55,552 - Couple of times, actually. - Long time ago. 149 00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:57,804 In a galaxy not so far away. 150 00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:00,599 So, what's going on? 151 00:10:00,641 --> 00:10:02,601 Oh, not much. I'm just, uh, you know, 152 00:10:02,643 --> 00:10:06,396 in the market for some frozen peas, maybe some edamame. 153 00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:08,064 Totally up to me. 154 00:10:08,899 --> 00:10:09,941 - Are you OK? - Yeah. 155 00:10:09,984 --> 00:10:11,526 Why? I'm fine. 156 00:10:11,569 --> 00:10:14,070 I don't know, you seem like you're in pain. 157 00:10:14,113 --> 00:10:16,489 No more than usual. How you doing? 158 00:10:17,366 --> 00:10:19,618 Same old. Livin' la vida loca. 159 00:10:19,660 --> 00:10:22,454 True dat. It's hard out there for a pimp. 160 00:10:24,123 --> 00:10:25,206 So... 161 00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:31,963 Do you want to get high and listen to some... records? 162 00:10:32,006 --> 00:10:33,048 Oh, dear. 163 00:10:34,550 --> 00:10:38,887 Would that I could but... big life changes since last we made the love. 164 00:10:38,929 --> 00:10:40,805 Got back together with the ex. 165 00:10:41,807 --> 00:10:43,558 Baby mama. 166 00:10:43,601 --> 00:10:44,809 It's on. 167 00:10:46,771 --> 00:10:47,979 That's too bad. 168 00:10:48,606 --> 00:10:50,148 You were a great lay. 169 00:10:52,401 --> 00:10:53,943 That is... 170 00:10:53,986 --> 00:10:56,529 so sweet of you to say. 171 00:10:56,572 --> 00:10:59,199 I will tell the old lady you said so. 172 00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:00,992 Be well, Hank. 173 00:11:07,166 --> 00:11:08,708 You too... 174 00:11:13,631 --> 00:11:15,131 ...surfer girl. 175 00:11:15,174 --> 00:11:17,342 What are you, some kind of pussy? 176 00:11:17,385 --> 00:11:19,344 She would have totally fucked you. 177 00:11:19,387 --> 00:11:22,764 - I don't do that anymore. - You should do that while you still can. 178 00:11:22,807 --> 00:11:25,308 You never know when you're gonna wind up in one of these. 179 00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:28,770 You don't really need that thing, I bet. You just like to zip around in it. 180 00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:30,647 - Makes you feel special. - Oh, yeah? 181 00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:32,440 You ever hear of a prolapsed rectum? 182 00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:33,566 Asshole. 183 00:11:35,486 --> 00:11:36,528 Rectum? 184 00:11:37,488 --> 00:11:38,571 Damn near killed him. 185 00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,283 Hello? 186 00:11:42,326 --> 00:11:43,410 Yeah? No. 187 00:11:43,452 --> 00:11:45,328 Oh, she was there when I left. 188 00:12:07,309 --> 00:12:08,685 You, Becca. 189 00:12:09,478 --> 00:12:11,938 - In the car, now. - Dad. 190 00:12:11,981 --> 00:12:13,732 I'm not fuckin' around! Now! 191 00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:21,698 So, who is this, like, your dad? 192 00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:23,283 Go away. 193 00:12:23,325 --> 00:12:24,868 I'm serious. I'll kill you. 194 00:12:26,245 --> 00:12:28,246 Your dad's kind of a dick. 195 00:12:36,797 --> 00:12:37,839 Kind of? 196 00:12:38,466 --> 00:12:40,049 I don't want her hanging out here. 197 00:12:40,092 --> 00:12:42,051 What am I supposed to do, kick her to the curb? 198 00:12:42,094 --> 00:12:45,096 - She's my little pseudo-sister. - What is this? 199 00:12:46,807 --> 00:12:48,099 It's not a memoir. 200 00:12:48,142 --> 00:12:50,769 It's a written account of my sexual relationship with you. 201 00:12:50,811 --> 00:12:52,896 Written by me as a fuckin' novel. 202 00:12:52,938 --> 00:12:56,149 Even I'm confused, and I stole the damn thing. 203 00:12:56,192 --> 00:12:57,901 Well, I hope you're enjoying it. 204 00:12:57,943 --> 00:13:00,320 I hope all my hard work is paying off for you. 205 00:13:00,362 --> 00:13:02,864 - Is it? - It is, very much so. 206 00:13:02,907 --> 00:13:06,159 Just as I hope you're enjoying my father's wife. 207 00:13:06,202 --> 00:13:08,703 - He says hi, by the way. - He doesn't. 208 00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:19,005 Are you all right... here? 209 00:13:19,048 --> 00:13:20,757 You're all alone, and I... 210 00:13:22,259 --> 00:13:25,887 Much as it warms the cockles to hear you say it, I'm fine. 211 00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:28,264 Don't worry about me. Worry about the Becca. 212 00:13:28,307 --> 00:13:30,183 She's pissed off and she's scared. 213 00:13:30,768 --> 00:13:32,685 Scared? 214 00:13:32,728 --> 00:13:35,522 Think about it. She got what she always wanted, 215 00:13:35,564 --> 00:13:38,441 the happy ending to beat all happy endings. 216 00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:42,111 She's just waiting for the other shoe to drop, for you to fuck it up, 217 00:13:42,154 --> 00:13:44,864 or for Karen to realise she made a big mistake. 218 00:13:44,907 --> 00:13:47,408 Both have been known to happen. 219 00:13:48,327 --> 00:13:50,245 Goddamn it, I need a cigarette. 220 00:13:53,582 --> 00:13:54,749 Goodbye. 221 00:14:04,468 --> 00:14:06,094 I know you're pissed at me. 222 00:14:06,136 --> 00:14:08,972 I know your mother and I have done some unforgivable shit to you, 223 00:14:09,014 --> 00:14:11,808 and I know you're rapidly approaching that age where the thought of 224 00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:14,936 having a conversation with your father makes you nauseous. 225 00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:17,856 But I just want you to know that I'm not gonna quit trying. 226 00:14:17,898 --> 00:14:19,899 OK? 227 00:14:19,942 --> 00:14:23,611 Cos you're the best thing that ever happened to me. 228 00:14:23,654 --> 00:14:25,280 And I love the shit out of you. 229 00:14:28,826 --> 00:14:30,368 How's the balls? 230 00:14:33,539 --> 00:14:35,748 The boys have seen better days. Thank you. 231 00:14:36,959 --> 00:14:38,126 Was that a laugh? 232 00:14:39,128 --> 00:14:42,297 My pain is funny to you? Jesus, you're just like your mother. 233 00:14:42,339 --> 00:14:44,340 You should know what that woman put me through. 234 00:14:44,383 --> 00:14:46,759 It is a hideous, barbaric... 235 00:14:46,802 --> 00:14:48,636 almost medieval procedure. 236 00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:51,890 Hank, you're preaching to the choir, OK? I've been there. 237 00:14:51,932 --> 00:14:53,600 Really? You've been vasectomised? 238 00:14:53,642 --> 00:14:55,602 Why do you think we don't have any little rug rats? 239 00:14:55,644 --> 00:14:57,854 I guess I just always assumed you were barren. 240 00:14:57,897 --> 00:14:58,855 Asshole. 241 00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:01,316 - Hey, be nice to my wounded soldier. - He started it. 242 00:15:01,358 --> 00:15:03,067 Or the bald eagle was shooting blanks. 243 00:15:03,110 --> 00:15:05,904 That I am, my good man, ever since the snip, snip, snip. 244 00:15:05,946 --> 00:15:08,781 - Well, the second one. - Shh! You're gonna freak him out. 245 00:15:08,824 --> 00:15:11,284 What do you mean "the second one"? The second what? 246 00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:14,370 You know, they... Sometimes, uh... 247 00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:16,289 - It doesn't take. - Doesn't take? 248 00:15:16,332 --> 00:15:19,292 - That's not cool at all. - Sometimes you got to do it again. 249 00:15:19,335 --> 00:15:22,045 I did not have a perfectly good chunk of my vas def cut off 250 00:15:22,087 --> 00:15:25,632 so I could go back to wearing condoms like some pimply-faced teenager. 251 00:15:25,674 --> 00:15:27,550 - I love the rubbers. - Why? 252 00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:28,927 Why do you love rubbers? 253 00:15:28,969 --> 00:15:31,471 They slow me down, man. Keep me in the game. 254 00:15:31,513 --> 00:15:32,847 Retard sensation. 255 00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:35,642 - He's an excitable boy. - That's right. 256 00:15:35,684 --> 00:15:38,853 Are you intimating that he ejaculates prema-charlie? 257 00:15:40,189 --> 00:15:42,315 - Nice. Thank you. - Great, right? 258 00:15:44,902 --> 00:15:46,778 Why would you guys want to go back 259 00:15:46,820 --> 00:15:49,697 - to that disgusting city of yours? - Oh, don't bring that up. 260 00:15:49,740 --> 00:15:52,075 - It's because it's a city. - Oh, come on. 261 00:15:53,118 --> 00:15:54,494 Can I have a white wine? 262 00:15:58,499 --> 00:16:01,334 Yeah... Sonja. Hey. Hank. 263 00:16:02,461 --> 00:16:04,045 Awkward. 264 00:16:06,548 --> 00:16:07,924 - Karen. - Hey, Karen! 265 00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,550 - Hey, look. - Hey, Sonja. 266 00:16:10,010 --> 00:16:11,302 Nice to see you again. 267 00:16:11,345 --> 00:16:12,887 I found something that works better. 268 00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:15,306 You mean you found something better 269 00:16:15,349 --> 00:16:20,144 than a pseudo-religious cult founded by a lunatic sci-fi hack? Do tell. 270 00:16:20,187 --> 00:16:22,355 Well, it's a little complicated over drinks. 271 00:16:22,398 --> 00:16:24,816 But maybe lunch tomorrow? It's been too long. 272 00:16:24,858 --> 00:16:26,734 - Sure. - Wait, hold on a second. 273 00:16:26,777 --> 00:16:30,947 I'm not sure how I feel about two ladies with whom I've made the love lunching together. 274 00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:32,031 Hank. 275 00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:35,410 OK, I'm pretty sure I feel pretty good about it. 276 00:16:35,452 --> 00:16:38,079 It's cute. You guys are officially back together? 277 00:16:38,122 --> 00:16:41,290 For now. Until we fuck it up, right? 278 00:16:41,333 --> 00:16:43,668 - Could be any second now. - No. 279 00:16:43,711 --> 00:16:46,087 - Dude, Julian's a writer, too. - Really? 280 00:16:46,130 --> 00:16:47,171 My condolences. 281 00:16:47,256 --> 00:16:50,508 He wrote The Artist Within. Fucking genius. 282 00:16:50,551 --> 00:16:52,719 - No way. - Check, please. 283 00:16:52,761 --> 00:16:56,139 - Hank, that's rude. - I'll send you guys a copy if you want. 284 00:16:56,181 --> 00:16:59,559 No need. I have it on my nightstand right now. I love it. 285 00:16:59,601 --> 00:17:02,103 Let me try to understand this. 286 00:17:02,146 --> 00:17:05,440 Hold on a second. You write about what it's like to be an artist? 287 00:17:05,482 --> 00:17:08,985 - Don't be a douche, Hank. - You ask the impossible, sweetheart. 288 00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:11,988 No, it's fine. The negativity is... It's normal. 289 00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:16,659 What I write about is... accessing the artist 290 00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:19,245 that exists inside every single one of us. 291 00:17:19,288 --> 00:17:23,791 It really works. I've never been happier. My business has never been better. 292 00:17:23,834 --> 00:17:27,295 I'm thinking of expanding, bringing on an architect. We should talk. 293 00:17:27,337 --> 00:17:29,464 So, you really believe 294 00:17:29,506 --> 00:17:34,260 that everybody on this planet has an artist inside them, 295 00:17:34,303 --> 00:17:37,055 like, an inner Schnabel, if you will? 296 00:17:37,097 --> 00:17:38,222 I do. 297 00:17:38,265 --> 00:17:41,559 Which means you must consider yourself an artist. 298 00:17:41,602 --> 00:17:45,521 I like to think of myself as more of a creative midwife. 299 00:17:45,564 --> 00:17:49,942 Well, I like to think of myself as having a 12-inch cock, but it doesn't make it so. 300 00:17:49,985 --> 00:17:51,527 - Oh, my God. - Two inches shy. 301 00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:56,115 Well, we have to get going, baby. 302 00:17:56,158 --> 00:17:58,701 - Fashionably late is one thing... - Oh, right. 303 00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:01,829 You know what? We're going to this party up in Laurel Canyon. 304 00:18:01,872 --> 00:18:04,791 You guys want to come? You would fucking love this house. 305 00:18:04,875 --> 00:18:07,376 - A party? Even us? - Yes, even you. 306 00:18:07,419 --> 00:18:09,837 - Fuckin' A, let's go. - No, but have fun. 307 00:18:24,478 --> 00:18:25,978 I quit smoking. 308 00:18:26,021 --> 00:18:28,439 Wow. Look at you. No, I'm good, thanks. 309 00:18:28,482 --> 00:18:30,149 What, did you give it up for Lent? 310 00:18:30,192 --> 00:18:31,234 No, I'm... 311 00:18:31,276 --> 00:18:32,568 I'm pregnant. 312 00:18:32,611 --> 00:18:36,656 - You didn't notice my bump? - I did. I just thought you put on weight. 313 00:18:36,698 --> 00:18:39,659 - No. - I'm kidding. Congratulations. 314 00:18:39,701 --> 00:18:42,203 Thanks. Thank you. Yeah, we're very happy. 315 00:18:42,246 --> 00:18:44,080 Well done, lady. 316 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:47,291 Last time I saw you, you were boning a degenerate doggy-style 317 00:18:47,334 --> 00:18:49,460 and projectile-vomiting all over Bill's bedroom. 318 00:18:49,503 --> 00:18:52,255 Two things which I totally dug about you. 319 00:18:52,297 --> 00:18:55,049 - Was that me? Wow. - Yeah, don't ever change. 320 00:18:55,092 --> 00:18:57,844 - What the hell? - What? 321 00:18:57,886 --> 00:19:00,388 Shooting cock pain. I got to go. 322 00:19:00,430 --> 00:19:02,682 - Good to see you. - OK. Yeah. 323 00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,312 My mama! 324 00:19:09,189 --> 00:19:10,606 What the fuck? 325 00:19:10,649 --> 00:19:14,360 I leave you alone for two seconds. You're not supposed to do that. 326 00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:17,655 - Why not, Daddy? - You know why not. 327 00:19:17,698 --> 00:19:19,240 I know, but... 328 00:19:19,283 --> 00:19:21,409 Just look how nice they look. 329 00:19:21,493 --> 00:19:23,536 Pretty little maids all in a row. Just... 330 00:19:23,579 --> 00:19:26,080 You want to go back to Promises? 331 00:19:28,959 --> 00:19:30,293 Come on. 332 00:19:31,587 --> 00:19:33,171 Don't you remember... 333 00:19:36,383 --> 00:19:39,343 ...how good the sex used to be... 334 00:19:39,386 --> 00:19:42,346 when I used to sprinkle it on your naughty bits? 335 00:19:42,389 --> 00:19:47,268 I seem to recall something vaguely pleasant about the sensation, yes. 336 00:20:01,074 --> 00:20:03,743 What do you know, you're without "the artist within". 337 00:20:03,785 --> 00:20:05,036 Must be lonely. 338 00:20:05,078 --> 00:20:08,414 You must be jealous. That's kind of cute. 339 00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:10,583 Come on. We got to go. 340 00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:11,667 Hank? 341 00:20:11,710 --> 00:20:16,464 I am so touched by what you did for me today. 342 00:20:17,799 --> 00:20:19,008 I am. 343 00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:20,134 Yes, but... 344 00:20:21,303 --> 00:20:23,763 What I did for you today means that I can't do this 345 00:20:23,805 --> 00:20:26,057 or anything like it for the next 48 hours. 346 00:20:26,099 --> 00:20:27,642 Oh, yeah. 347 00:20:29,728 --> 00:20:33,606 There's more than one way to skin a cat. 348 00:20:33,649 --> 00:20:36,150 Jeez, I like you stoned. 349 00:20:36,193 --> 00:20:38,986 You do? I like you liking me stoned. 350 00:20:42,699 --> 00:20:45,201 - Holy shit. - What? 351 00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:48,412 - I think you're giving me a boner. - That's great news. 352 00:20:48,455 --> 00:20:51,916 It is great news. No, no, it is. I just... I'm afraid I might pop a stitch. 353 00:20:51,959 --> 00:20:54,085 - Come here. - No, no. I want to check it. 354 00:20:54,127 --> 00:20:55,253 I'll be right back. 355 00:20:55,295 --> 00:20:58,506 I don't want you to see him like this. It could be bloody. 356 00:20:58,548 --> 00:21:00,967 What are you doing? 357 00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:04,512 Assuming the posish. 358 00:21:06,056 --> 00:21:08,891 Feel free to start without me. 359 00:21:13,772 --> 00:21:15,481 Hey, you got a rubber? 360 00:21:15,524 --> 00:21:20,027 I think I got the Ramses in my wallet from high school, but I'm pretty sure it's expired. 361 00:21:20,070 --> 00:21:22,571 - Hand it over. - I was kidding. 362 00:21:22,614 --> 00:21:25,408 Fuckin' chick is insisting I wear a rubber. 363 00:21:25,450 --> 00:21:26,951 What is that all about? 364 00:21:26,994 --> 00:21:28,995 - That's not very rock 'n' roll. - Not at all. 365 00:21:29,037 --> 00:21:31,497 If it's dark enough, you could rip open an Alka-Seltzer. 366 00:21:31,581 --> 00:21:33,708 - And bang her with it? - No. 367 00:21:33,750 --> 00:21:36,919 It'll create the illusion that you're wearing a jimmy hat. 368 00:21:36,962 --> 00:21:40,423 David Copperfield does it. Not on stage. 369 00:21:40,465 --> 00:21:42,758 - Thanks, man. - You know, I was kidding. 370 00:22:54,623 --> 00:22:56,374 Hey, asshole! 371 00:22:57,959 --> 00:22:59,001 Hey! 372 00:22:59,252 --> 00:23:00,294 Hello? 373 00:23:00,337 --> 00:23:02,671 Karen! 374 00:23:04,925 --> 00:23:07,593 Karen! Karen! 375 00:23:07,636 --> 00:23:09,720 Hey, anybody got an Alka-Seltzer? 376 00:23:09,763 --> 00:23:10,805 Lew! 377 00:23:11,765 --> 00:23:14,433 This fucking perv just tried to mouth-rape me! 378 00:23:14,476 --> 00:23:16,352 Really? What the fuck, dude? 379 00:23:16,395 --> 00:23:19,271 You're a guest in my home, and you go mouth-rape... 380 00:23:20,399 --> 00:23:23,359 - What's your name, sweetheart? - Destiny. 381 00:23:23,402 --> 00:23:24,735 Felicity. 382 00:23:24,778 --> 00:23:26,987 Come on, there was no raping. 383 00:23:27,030 --> 00:23:29,448 I wasn't raping. I'm not a rapey kind of guy. 384 00:23:31,243 --> 00:23:33,452 Karen! I was looking for you. There you are. 385 00:23:33,495 --> 00:23:35,162 God! Tell him I'm not rapey. 386 00:23:36,623 --> 00:23:38,833 I accidentally went down on her. 387 00:23:38,875 --> 00:23:42,002 What? How do you accidentally go down on someone? 388 00:23:42,045 --> 00:23:43,963 Big house, a lot of rooms, it was dark. 389 00:23:44,005 --> 00:23:47,716 I went to the bathroom, got turned around and accidentally went down on her. 390 00:23:50,804 --> 00:23:54,348 I buy it. Sell it to her. 391 00:23:56,017 --> 00:23:59,270 So I seem to have procured a little prophylactic. 392 00:24:01,815 --> 00:24:03,983 I'll get the car. 393 00:24:08,363 --> 00:24:10,948 I know, I smell like pussy. 394 00:24:11,032 --> 00:24:15,119 I'm sorry, Karen. I'm very sorry. That was an honest mistake. 395 00:24:15,996 --> 00:24:18,581 You just had your mouth on another woman's vagina? 396 00:24:18,623 --> 00:24:22,084 Yes, I did, but the moment my tongue hit clit I knew it wasn't yours. 397 00:24:22,127 --> 00:24:23,627 - Shut up. - It wasn't perfect. 398 00:24:23,670 --> 00:24:26,922 I could pick your pussy out of a police line-up of pussy. I could. 399 00:24:26,965 --> 00:24:30,050 You know, if your pussy was ever arrested, God forbid, 400 00:24:30,093 --> 00:24:33,846 and had to be identified in some kind of line-up, I would get it right away. 401 00:24:33,889 --> 00:24:38,517 "Pussy number 2, step forward, turn profile. That's Karen." 402 00:24:39,436 --> 00:24:43,898 Oh, my God. I must have been fucking crazy thinking things could be different. 403 00:24:44,941 --> 00:24:47,151 Fuck me! 404 00:24:53,909 --> 00:24:56,827 Don't start saying things you can't take back. 405 00:24:56,870 --> 00:24:58,829 I don't want to take it back. 406 00:24:58,872 --> 00:25:00,539 - Yes, you do. - No, I don't. 407 00:25:00,582 --> 00:25:02,500 - You do. - Don't tell me what I mean. 408 00:25:02,542 --> 00:25:04,543 - Good evening, sir, ma'am. - Good evening. 409 00:25:04,586 --> 00:25:07,254 - You know why I stopped you? - No, I don't, sir. 410 00:25:07,297 --> 00:25:09,381 Educate me, Officer... 411 00:25:10,217 --> 00:25:12,468 - Dick? Really? - Shut up. 412 00:25:12,511 --> 00:25:14,553 - Hank, shut up. - Officer Dick. 413 00:25:14,596 --> 00:25:16,889 That was mean. That was really a low blow. 414 00:25:16,932 --> 00:25:21,101 - Coming from the mouth rapist? - You have a headlight out. 415 00:25:21,144 --> 00:25:24,563 It's been that way for months, but tonight I get stopped, of all nights. 416 00:25:24,606 --> 00:25:25,898 Just my fuckin' luck! 417 00:25:25,941 --> 00:25:30,277 - Cos it's all about luck. It has nothing... - Can we just sleep on this? 418 00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:32,780 Is there a reason you're not wearing a shirt, sir? 419 00:25:32,864 --> 00:25:35,157 Yes, there is, officer. 420 00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:38,452 There's a very good one, and I couldn't even begin to explain. 421 00:25:38,495 --> 00:25:39,912 No. Try, try. 422 00:25:39,955 --> 00:25:42,039 See if he thinks it was an honest mistake. 423 00:25:42,082 --> 00:25:44,291 OK, one more time, for the cheap seats. 424 00:25:44,334 --> 00:25:46,377 What happened there could have happened to anybody! 425 00:25:46,419 --> 00:25:49,922 Wrong place, wrong time, wrong vagina! 426 00:25:49,965 --> 00:25:52,716 Shh! I'm sorry. He's been drinking. 427 00:25:52,801 --> 00:25:54,635 What the fuck, Karen? 428 00:25:56,137 --> 00:25:59,348 - Have you been drinking, sir? - Hours ago. 429 00:25:59,391 --> 00:26:02,560 But not to excess. I don't do that anymore. 430 00:26:02,602 --> 00:26:05,521 I mean, I do, but not nearly as often as I used to. 431 00:26:05,564 --> 00:26:08,065 And he's been taking Vicodin. 432 00:26:08,108 --> 00:26:11,402 Come on, now. That's... Karen. 433 00:26:12,529 --> 00:26:16,156 I know you're pissed at me for going down on that woman, 434 00:26:16,199 --> 00:26:18,409 but are you trying to get me thrown in jail? 435 00:26:18,451 --> 00:26:20,369 - Shut the fuck up. - Step out of the car. 436 00:26:20,412 --> 00:26:21,579 Hold on, sir... 437 00:26:21,621 --> 00:26:26,375 - Out of the car now. - You just caught us at a really bad time. 438 00:26:26,418 --> 00:26:30,087 Excuse me for saying so, ma'am. You don't have to put up with this kind of behaviour. 439 00:26:30,130 --> 00:26:33,382 - I know. He's... - You just mind your own fuckin' business! 440 00:26:33,425 --> 00:26:34,466 Excuse me, sir? 441 00:26:34,509 --> 00:26:38,304 All due respect, Officer, but aren't you stepping outside the job description? 442 00:26:38,346 --> 00:26:40,681 I didn't know you guys had the right to editorialise. 443 00:26:43,810 --> 00:26:46,145 Have you been smoking marijuana, sir? 444 00:26:47,564 --> 00:26:50,566 - One hit. One! - OK, let's go. Turn around. 445 00:26:50,609 --> 00:26:52,776 You can't arrest somebody for being a wiseass. 446 00:26:52,819 --> 00:26:55,613 No, but I certainly can for driving under the influence. 447 00:26:55,655 --> 00:26:57,281 Officer, excuse me. 448 00:26:57,324 --> 00:27:00,117 This is just, like, a big misunderstanding. 449 00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:01,744 Of course it is. OK? 450 00:27:01,786 --> 00:27:03,954 The thing that I can't understand 451 00:27:03,997 --> 00:27:07,875 is what a woman like that is doing with a prick like you. 452 00:27:07,917 --> 00:27:09,752 She's got to have a screw loose, right? 453 00:27:09,794 --> 00:27:12,129 Maybe that's how you like 'em, right, a little crazy? 454 00:27:12,172 --> 00:27:14,965 Maybe if you go down on her a little more often... 455 00:27:16,259 --> 00:27:18,344 Hank! What the... 456 00:27:18,678 --> 00:27:21,013 Hank! No! 457 00:27:23,099 --> 00:27:24,725 No! 458 00:27:31,524 --> 00:27:33,484 Not the balls! 80174

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.