All language subtitles for This Is Not A Murder Mystery S01E02

My Lord and I would like to welcome you
all, the most promising artists of

today.

Do not look me in the eye.

You'll have five days to display your
art in our exhibition space.

Here's to unlimited success.

Perfectly normal bunch of people, these
Surrealists.

He found him dead with the poor woman.
It is my sad duty to inform you all that

Miss Lake has passed away in the night.

I'm placing the estate in lockdown.
What? No way. Goddamn little fascist.

For what, my love?

Are secrets safe with me?

Do you seriously think that one of us
was capable of killing Sheila?

We don't think so, sir.

We know.

Does this mean we're all suspects?

And no one else seen this painting,
you're sure?

My wife, but she's in Brussels.

It's a bank book I found in Miss
Legger's bedside table.

Starting last summer, she makes monthly
payments to a certain Charlie L.

Oh, you were drugged just like Miss
Legger.

Opium in the wine. A glass revolver.
It's gone.

To my wireless mate, Charlie L. Lots of
love, S .L.

I found it in NASA's room. We need to
find him.

Well, I find... Lord James.

Keep an eye on each other. Release at
the same time.

It's your fault, honey.

I only asked you for one thing.

Look what you've done!

Mom!

Stay back, all of you.

Horrible scene. It is.

I am terribly sorry. It must be an awful
shock for you.

On Friday, the biggest society event of
the year takes place at this very

estate. That means you have three days
to sort out this mess.

No ifs or buts.

Am I making myself clear, Detective?

Like crystal, your lodger. Until then,
you have carte blanche for my estate.

Whatever it takes.

And no more death, right?

You may go.

Take Gekha for a late one at the
cocktail bar and drown them in alcohol

be. I've got bigger fish to fry.

Of course, my lord.

My sincere apologies. I think we could
all use a drink.

Follow me.

Who do you think will be next?

Please, please, let's stay calm.

I can't stay calm, Manny.

Not bad.

Nothing like a bit of harsh miserable,
is there? I want to leave this place.

Leave and grieve. They have a lot in
common.

But we're in lockdown.

They won't let us leave.

We all want to leave.

We lost so much love in such a short
time.

What is left of us?

What is the sense of it all?

Is art not your sense?

What is art, if not love?

I don't know. It seems to be very much
about killing at the moment. Ellie,

please.

What do you mean exactly?

This killer is an artist. He creates
images, visual concepts. I mean, the

-en -scene of those murders is, well...
Beautiful.

Aye, exactement.

So, what are we dealing with then?

A killer with an artistic flair?

Or an artist with a flair for killing?

Look at it this way. Some of the most
exciting artists on the planet are

sleeping under one roof.

Lots of talent and creativity add some
rivalry and it's easy to see it's one of

us, right? Or someone who wants it to
look like it's one of us?

An outsider, you mean?

Why are you even here?

To comfort Sheila?

Let's put this in perspective.

Okay.

Homo sapiens are the most vicious
creatures that ever roamed the Earth.

Let's take a lion, for instance.

King of the jungle, as well as the
plains.

Sir, of course the lion kills.

He's good at it.

But he never murders for fun.

Okay, I'm going to go.

Good. Any plans you want to share with
us?

Operator? Magritte, Belgium Z, 94 -23.

It's easy to see it's one of us, right?

Why are you even here?

You think you'd get used to the bodies,
the smells.

But no.

Trust me.

You suppose there's some kind of
sadomasochistic aspect to all of this?

I'm not convinced there's anything
sexual to it. These are works of art.

Also, the killer wants us to believe.

Bless you.

Well, let's get the expert opinion
before we get carried away with

Telephone head office and ask the doctor
fine.

And whilst you're there, see if we can
get legal access to Miss Legg's will.

Find out who'll inherit her wealth.

Sheila?

So she did love him.

I'll figure you two out yet.

Imagine being so rich that you can
employ someone just to make butter for

I cannot, sir.

Say this, though. That man knows what
he's doing.

All right, what have we got, Quant?

Well, to absolutely nobody's surprise,
they found large quantities of cocaine

Nash's bloodstream.

Anything else?

Same amount of opium.

A snowball.

Well, Nash did overdose, but considering
his daily habit, it might not be the

cause of death.

Inconclusive as of yet.

But the coroner's on his way.

What's next on your list?

Well, I thought it would be useful to
view the other artist's work.

If Miss Legger's death scene looked like
Magritte's Leathermont, there might be

other paintings that resemble the second
murder.

And why do they keep their work?

Well... Duke said that the exhibition on
Friday is going to be in one of the

outbuildings of Monkton House.

It's all there ready to be hung up.

Duke is helping the artists with the
hanging as they're understandably quite

upset at present.

So they are human after all?

Yeah, maybe.

Except for one.

Right.

Go on.

Thank you, sweetie.

Nice

work,

my friend.

Oh, merci, but I can't take the credit.

I found it when I got here.

Two years ago. No name, no title, like a
lost dog or a motherless child, so I

christened it the Doors of Perception.

Is this for Sheila and Nash?

Yes.

We're planning a little send -off moment
at midnight.

Just us.

I mean, you should come, actually.

But don't tell the powers, that'd be,
though. We don't want them to ruin

everything with...

Tradition and snobbery. I got it.

And, um, nothing.

I'm sorry, I... wasn't very nice to you
yesterday.

Of course, I do remember your... your
show in Brussels last summer, the one at

ELT's gallery.

Well, superb concepts, yours, Magritte.

And you've got one hell of a strong
visual style, too.

Merci, Mr. Ernst. It's coming from you,
this...

This means the world.

Max. Max, you're nothing at all.

Honey.

Enchanté. Enchanté.

It's cross for drinks, no?

Raymond, how are you, my friend?

All the better for seeing you, my lord.

Everything hunky -dory?

Not exactly.

We're all in mourning.

I understand, my lord.

Rather regrettable businesses.

Will you have a spot of lunch?

Work first, pleasure after.

Please do keep me informed.

Of course, my lord.

Raymond Fine, are you a sight for sore
eyes?

First of all, my friend, follow me down.

Slow down.

You and Ash seemed really close.

How did you two meet?

At Picasso's little summer retreat.

I heard a while of stories about that
time.

The stories are all true and then some.

One hell of a party it was.

Insane.

But in a good way, you know.

Until tragedy struck.

What happened?

Nash and Sheila is what happened.

A marriage made and held us two.

They were a couple?

My dear Rene, you are such a sweet
innocent.

Yes, they were something for sure.

Sheila was strung out on coke when Nash
and her became an item.

And she turned Nash onto the Charlie big
time. He was just a little boy, lost,

disappeared into a snow blizzard of
coke.

Hasn't stopped since.

Well, now we are stopped.

I wanted that myself.

You know what I mean, right?

Okay, I'm sorry, Magritte.

There's actually a really interesting
puppy here down on the stage.

It's definitely a beauty.

I apologize, Doctor.

The cook sent me.

I call it the gift, or the little
cuddle.

What do you think?

What? What are you doing?

Don't! Don't!

You don't see how problematic these
pictures are, baby?

The detectives will.

If this is art, Lee, this is your work.
I told you to get rid

of those.

Now you're going to be arrested.

Don't you worry, Gala.

Those are nothing.

They're nothing, are they?

Well, everyone knows about those babies.

I can guarantee it, detective.

He's been doing those for years.

Kind of getting old before that time,
Sala.

Just like you, Max.

Just like you.

What does your fabled metaphysical Jesus
use?

Well, yes, some test cases and tryouts
and some shit. Don't look at it too

René. It's strong material,
nevertheless.

Thank you.

You're very kind.

You always tell about his half -baked
ideas over breakfast.

Well, you need to chew the concepts
over.

Detective, not everybody understands,
but wall -shattering art doesn't happen

overnight. And for your interest,
detective, everyone is welcome to...

View our studio, so anyone could have
seen this work.

Off the hook, you'd say?

Until we catch the killer, no one is off
the hook.

I'm getting very tired of this hook.

Just so everyone knows, anyone stealing
my idea gets guillotined and done.

Did you hear me?

I want to be extra clear, just in case
the killer is amongst us.

First Magritte, then Dali.

Who will the killer pay tribute to next?

Yeah, let's start with maybe.

Oh, that's a glue light and paper he
uses for sketching. It comes from

in oysters.

Canterbury. And you smell that?

No, I can see it by the water more.

Sure. Interesting.

It's just that we artists were freaks
about that stuff. Like, we can get crazy

about paper, painting, texture,
lighting.

Anyway, Canterbury, doesn't that mean
anything to you?

Sheila Lager.

Duchess of Canterbury.

She lived there all her life. Until she
fell into a depression and moved in with

her cousin, Lord James.

What?

Do you think Dali visited her?

Oh, he had to.

They have been friends for years.

A friendly visit or more?

Who knows? But a connection
nevertheless, right?

You're not bad at this, Magritte.

The bloody watermark.

I'm off.

Thanks.

Wait.

So that's it?

What do you mean?

I need to... I want to do more.

If you uncover anything, I'm here.

What are we dealing with then?

A killer with an artistic flair?

Or an artist with a flair for killing?

Did you go every summer to pick up a
house?

Every summer. Sometimes.

But you did last year.

Yes, I did.

Impossible to forget.

Sheila's son, little Sebastian.

I heard he died there in mysterious
circumstances. Who told you?

Sheila. The night she died.

Well, nothing mysterious about it.

So what do you remember?

Nothing. Okay?

You saw the child, right?

See a child.

Suffering like that.

Paddling everything.

That was the end of the show we all
knew.

That Samara part of us died alongside
with little Seth.

Do you know who the father is?

Telephone for Mr. Darley, sir.

So, congratulations.

And you are kind...

the paperwork.

Hello?

Sal?

Salda?

Are you okay?

Yes.

I'm not... Ma 'am! Ma 'am!

I can't accept it. Ma 'am!

He's not good.

Picasso is confirmed for Friday, but
only wants to drink sparkling water.

And Sigmund would also like to attend,
if he can.

No shortage of food, then. I'd rather
avoid Freud at dinner. He never shuts

What about the two that really matter?

Nancy Cunard and Peggy Guggenheim a lot.

I am still waiting for confirmation, but
they do like to keep us hanging until

the last minute.

Those two.

With permission, my lord, they are far
too curious not to attend.

And if there are corpses in the cellar.

Oh, especially if there are corpses in
the cellar.

Let's hope so.

If you don't mind my asking... Oh,
please ask away.

Are you charging our precious buyers the
usual fee?

Of course, 75 % in all sales.

What? They're lucky to be allowed in
here at all.

I'm giving them what money can't buy.

Happiness?

Love.

Correct, my lord.

Don't worry, it's just a sex scene.
Okay.

Hala received a phone call before his
attack.

Do you know anything about it?

I don't have a slightest idea.

Could I have prevented this, Magritte?

I should have seen. This is a bit much
for his kind heart.

Hala, you're innocent of this, okay?

Take example of your husband and just
have a little sleep.

Thank you, Magritte.

Sorry about before.

I wasn't sure about you, but now... I
can see that your kindness is great.

your talent.

Okay. Yeah.

Okay.

The Darlies, they drug themselves for
sleep.

Right.

I was under the impression that everyone
here liked their drugs.

Yeah, no, that's true. But read the
label.

Laudanum.

Opium derivative.

The same drug that was in the wine.

I'm going to take this for evidence.

Thank you, McGree.

Keep searching.

Sure, Paul.

I'll talk.

Go and fetch DCI Sizzlewick.

Yes, Doctor.

The Darlies drug themselves to sleep
with laudanum. Looks like it.

All right, I'll talk to them.

Good work.

The glass gun still bothers me.

Still not found?

Where have we not searched?

Downstairs.

Servants' quarters?

I'll give it a go. You never know.

Excuse me.

Cornel wants you downstairs, sir.

And ma 'am.

Right, let's hear what Raymond has to
say, Quant.

Miss Leck died by manual strangulation.

Between the hours of 0300 and 0500 on
the night.

Powerful hands, um, rather small.

Male or female, both possible.

Not easy to do, though, but done rather
cleanly.

Someone with experience.

Could have done it before.

Textbook stuff, fingerprints not found.

Also, rather large doses of laudanum in
our blood, consistent with being

unconscious during the hours of a
strangulation.

His legs didn't feel or know a thing.
Good way to go.

Now we come to young Master Nash here.

Look at the nose.

Look inside.

The cartilage.

All indicative of cocaine use.

Opium didn't help.

Long -term cocaine user.

Opium is probably recreational.

Well, maybe he couldn't sleep.

Ah, here we have it. Oh, Raymond, a
warning.

Okay. Yeah,

follow the deep hole all the way through
to the back of the brain.

Looks like a small bullet hole.

That's correct.

But impossible.

How so?

There's no bullet in the brain.

No exit wound in the skull.

Even the smallest bullet shot through
the nose would need an exit in the back

the skull. No doubt about that.

Hold on. You're saying that he was shot
through the mouth?

I am, yes.

But, again, that's impossible.

So, we could try an experiment.

A salt bullet.

What sort of experiment?

Pretty slick, huh?

It's a .22.

I make them myself.

I chisel the bullets out of salt blocks.

You can see salt from the Karmak works
best.

Really? It's a toy.

In Poughkeepsie, I shot a wild dog with
it, and it just whacked him out. Like

Sheila Legger?

That's right.

These babies are a teensy bit dangerous,
but they're not deadly.

Can't help you any further than that.

So you own a lot of guns.

Have you ever seen war, D .C. Quant?

No.

Yeah. I own a lot of guns.

Besides, a girl like me has to be able
to fend off all those grubby little men

with their sausage fingers trying to
squeeze my ass.

I pull my toy gun, point it right at
their balls.

Works wonders.

Every single time.

A moment.

How secretive.

You could shoot a help bullet through
the nose into the brain, right?

And the salt would dissolve in the heat
of the brain tissue.

Hence, no exit wound.

Fantastic thinking.

Where was that gun of yours again?

It disappeared on that first night.
Never seen again.

I've ordered a new one from Smith &
Wesson back home.

But no sign of your glass gun anywhere.

Feel free to search, but last time I
checked it wasn't there.

Oh, and also there's something weird
about little Sebastian's death. Sheila's

son? Yeah.

Come, Talva didn't want to get into it,
so it must have been a tragic accident.

But I think it's so strange nobody knows
who the father is. Oh, somebody knows.

They're just not telling us.

Yet.

You're doing all right, Magritte.

Bloody drugs everywhere.

Messrs?

Why are you even here, Magritte?

Sir. Hmm?

Magritte found this place.

Well, did he now?

Light it up.

Light it up.

Yes, ma 'am.

That's the end of that supply.

It's turning out to be a rather
expensive little week, Tewksie.

I wonder how they found it.

You ask the best detectives.

You get them.

I hope our guests will find other ways
to stay inspired.

You still there, Michael?

Off you go.

And your decision is?

What do you mean you can't?

What sort of bank do you represent,
Babington?

Without my father, you would still be a
sad gathering of peasants. Times haven't

changed that much.

Make it happen. Get me my money.

How could you do that?

What word, Amor?

Tell me everything.

If you would let me help.

Together we can handle anything, right?

I'll let you rest.

But soon. I want to see outside.

There's not a problem in the world we
can't handle.

So, a dissolving bullet, was it?

Well, I'm not really supposed to talk
about this.

The police, you know, their little
rules.

Come on, Raymond.

Well, yes.

Shot in the head and no bullet to prove
it.

They'll do some testing, of course, but
I've never seen it before.

Quite original.

Oh, my.

Well, now your work is done, let's enjoy
one of life's little pleasures.

The proper old port.

A bottle when Lord Nelson beat the shit
out of old Donia Trafalgar.

I'd like to propose a toast to the
memory of your brother and my dear, dear

friend, Lord Denver.

To Toby.

I do miss him, you know.

Gone too soon.

Like all the good ones.

Well, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset
you.

What's done is done.

isn't it?

Isn't that sad?

He would want us to drink to life.

You know that's true.

Oh, excuse me. I think I'm needed
downstairs.

Shot.

This is fun.

Looks it.

Bit longer still.

Sorry about that.

Scotland Yard being rather noisy.

We should be thankful for their effort,
I suppose.

Let's hope they get the bastard.

Sooner rather than later.

Anyone fancy a drink?

Or a pout? Or a whole bottle?

Brain splattered on the wall.

Unlike Nash.

Just like Nash's brain.

Or it didn't get through.

Now, over here, detective.

The water's reached 36 degrees Celsius,
about the temperature of a human brain.

Now, let's see.

Result?

The salt content of Nash's brain was
abnormally high.

We got a match.

This is one for the Black Museum back at
headquarters.

Congrats to the killer.

Ingenious little bastard.

An artist, would you say?

Well, I leave that speculation to you,
Thistle.

Good night. Sleep tight.

I've got dessert waiting.

Thank you, Raymond.

We know the cause of death, Quant.

The question is, who pulled the trigger?
And who strangled Miss Legg? Possibly

the same person who put the gun back in
Liam Miller's purse.

We're getting closer, step by step.

He or she knows that too.

Let the mind games begin.

Who was there last summer?

Picasso with his photographer lady, Dora
Maar.

A lot of first love last year.

Me and Salvo, of course.

Magra Diva, who could ever forget.

Plus some hangers -on, Aunt Raj.

Be careful, putty potty.

Please, man.

God, you're such a relic. So only Sheila
and Nash were there when tragedy hit.

Nobody else responsible.

Please, can we change the subject,
please?

Thank you.

Forgive my man. He was the one who found
the little boy.

So, wasn't there an inquest?

Why? Accidental death.

Due to neglect.

What I don't get in all of this is who
never gets mentioned.

The obvious, I guess.

Sebastian's father.

Nobody knows.

Bullshit. What if you do?

Do they know?

Do you know?

Me?

No?

Why would I know?

I know you all think Radcliffe's very
entertained by the idea that I did it.

And honestly, I would think so too.

But I didn't.

Okay?

I just want to know who did.

Why is Sebastian's father a secret?

And why all this mystery?

Okay. Then I don't know.

But what I do know is that one of you
here is holding back information that

might help solve these killings or at
least prevent more murders.

René, my friend.

I think it's time to... Okay.

See you all at the funeral.

Oh.

Nice little group of friends you all
are.

Hey.

Hey.

You alright?

Yep. I'm good.

What's in your mind?

Nothing.

I try to see good in people, to find the
truth. Let me guess.

Nobody seems to appreciate you.

Yeah.

If it's any consolation, I think you're
doing great, McGree.

Yeah? Mm -hmm.

The father of Sebastian could be the
key.

He has the perfect motivation to get rid
of Miss Legg and Nash.

Because of the accidents with Little
Ted?

Blame feels hate.

Good for Thorne.

So if we find who the father is... Then
we might find the killer.

So why do you do this job?

Murder victims don't get to finish a
story of their own lives.

And that bothers me.

So you help them?

I don't know.

That sounds terribly arrogant.

But maybe I shine some light in the
darkness.

See?

What? You are an artist.

As much as I am a detective, and vice
versa.

Telephone for DC Quant.

Who is it?

Scotland Yard, Headquarters.

At this hour?

I'm afraid so, Miss.

We'll talk later, right?

A red flag came up.

Why did this take so long?

Someone at West Dean got done for what?

Attempted murder.

And you're finding this out now?

Give me the name.

Jane.