Original subtitles

Happy, happy Valentine's Day.

Whoa, happy, happy Valentine's Day, honey. How are you?

Yeah, right, happy Valentine's Day.

I'm sorry.

It's just not a good time of year for me.

Well, I guess I can relate to that.

You and I haven't had the greatest luck this year, and I think, well, that's why

I'm here right now.

That's why I know neither of us have any plans, and that's a little depressing.

You know, your mom's been gone for well over a year. She left with that little

boy toy of hers.

He's not fit to wash my socks and jerk off in them.

I am really sorry about your boyfriend, hon.

Don't remind me.

He didn't deserve you anyway. I don't even remember if he did anything for you

last Valentine's Day.

No, of course not.

God forbid he do anything for me.

Well, guess what?

What?

Your daddy did.

What, really?

Happy Valentine's Day, honey.

It's all for you.

You're welcome. I think it's better.

I just feel, I mean, you're

always telling me that I treat you like a little kid, and I just thought that

maybe this year would be a good, with everything you're going through.

I don't want to embarrass you, but I have heard you sort of, I guess,

occupying yourself in here with... Wait, what?

Well, you're a little loud, honey.

No!

You're grown up now.

You're an adult. We can talk.

And you know what? Hey, don't be embarrassed. I want you to know that I

toys, too.

I use toys too. You know, hey, I will go get mine just to show you and make you

not so uncomfortable.

Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. I'll be right back.

Oh, not that toy.

That one's dangerous.

Okay, okay.

Hon, don't be weirded out, but I have one myself. I don't even

know what that is.

Well, it's sort of the male counterpart to that

vibrating dildo there.

And I want you to know that's top of the line.

I spared no expense for your happiness.

I figure if you're going to have a man in your life, that cares about you, it

should be your dad.

Well, why don't you open it up? Open it up. Come on.

Don't be afraid.

I'm excited here. I think it's great.

We're finally having a grown -up conversation, and you don't have to use

poor fingers anymore.

I'm just trying to keep it light.

Don't hurt yourself.

I can't hurt myself.

It's easier to rip.

I should have sprung for the travel carry case,

but... Welcome gift,

Blake.

You're not grown up, but... No, let's be here.

That is a little bit terrifying, but I think it might be fun. A little bit.

It does need batteries, and the batteries are in the bag.

So you're just going to have to keep digging.

A little buried treasure for you.

And yes, that's good for water -based lube.

You don't want to deteriorate with oil -based.

I read that.

In Cosmo. I'm trying to be more hip.

I'm going to start dating soon.

You're never going to be hip. I'm on Tinder.

I know how these things work.

I have to be open -minded.

Wow. Tinder is so yesterday.

Well, I am old.

You're going to have to teach me where I should go.

You can barely work Facebook.

Hmm. Well.

I'm more interested in this toy here than the internet right now.

Oh, goodness.

I've never actually worked anything like this before. I don't even know if I put

the batteries in right.

Well, it does come with instructions.

Mine is pretty self -explanatory.

I mean, it's the cover, but as you can see, it's functional.

You did it wrong, didn't you?

Yeah, well... Is this why you dropped out of college?

You don't have... I'm just trying to lighten the mood.

It's not, like,

labeled.

Are you going to break it?

Like most things are.

Okay. So I have to try to guess?

No, I see. I see.

Okay.

Sorry.

This might be why you can't get a date.

I can't believe I'm even related to you.

And neither can I.

Because I would have already had that thing in my butt by now.

You're so dumb.

I'm not the one that's having problems putting batteries in her brand new toy.

I told you I've never used anything like this before. It's painfully obvious

it's going to be obvious to the whole world that you've never used one of

things.

Okay, let me turn it on.

I see a light.

Oh. There we go.

God, this thing is scary.

Oh.

Well, honey, it's supposed to do that, so I don't want you to be alarmed. I

know. I know. And you do have some lube here.

Okay. You've got... I mean, those batteries should last you at least

week.

So happy Valentine's Day, honey. I love you.

And...

I consider this our, I guess, our introduction to adult conversations in

future. And I will leave you alone so you can maybe play around with that. And

will, you know, just go ahead and talk to me whenever.

Okay. I'll see you.

All right.

Thanks, Dad.

You're welcome.

I mean,

he did go through the trouble of getting me killed.

Let's just try this thing out.

What is this thing?

This thing is crazy.

I wonder if she's enjoying that.

It's okay.

You don't have to stop. You don't have to stop.

Don't stop.

Don't stop.

No, don't stop.

I don't know.

I heard you. I heard you having fun in here.

And I was having a little fun myself, but... Are you

embarrassed?

You don't have to be.

You look a lot better than this toy.

Yeah.

Why don't you keep showing me? Let me see. Well, um... Let me see. That looked

really good.

Um, I guess. Okay.

Do you have some more lube, or did you use it all?

Um, there's more.

Want to give me some?

We're both alone in that one, so I'm saving these. We'll make the best of it,

right?

It's not like we either of us have anything going on anymore.

God,

that looks good.

That feels good as it looks.

You're more beautiful than your mother ever was.

I don't know why I love this doctor either.

I can't believe I'm telling you this.

It feels...

to hold my toy for a minute.

Thanks, brother.

Oh.

toys and all the fucking and jerking.

That's good, but don't you think you'd like to let me fuck you now?

I don't know, Dad. I mean, haven't we kind of done a lot already?

Don't you think we're taking it a bit too far?

Well, we've already done this much. We may as well do the rest. I know you want

to feel my cock in you.

Oh, I don't know.

time.

Do you want to be?

Yes. Oh.

This is the best Valentine's Day I think I've had.

I don't know what I think I'd be.

Can't wait till next year.

You're pouring it out of me.

You like that, don't you?

I love you, sweetie.

I love you too, Dad.