Original subtitles

Last time on Harman Quest.

The name of the AQD, you are officially charged with three counts of multiversal

negligence and two counts of willful world bending. Is the law black and

Should it be black and white? Or is there room, even in a multiverse?

for shades of gray. Objection. Counsel is clearly leading the witness to

emotional breakthroughs. We of the karmic oneness find you guilty.

No, Quandrigal.

You great man.

Asshole. You're dumped out of the precinct and you tumble through white

and infinity.

You can hear a yell and a fall and a plump as Limerick falls from the sky.

Hello, folks.

My name be Tampa Bay, the buccaneer.

It's perfect.

I'll take it.

Back to normal.

As a dark ship rises out of the depths of the astral sea, now go forth and

attack. He hits you with a black bolt that activates your blood magic

programming. He hits you with a flesh -set blast.

Vorthion, he faces off against Fondu, and you get petrified, and you kind of

fall to the ground, and he's like, ah, ha, ha, this is what I wanted to do, and

this is what I came here for.

You wrest control of your mind away from Vorthion.

snap out of it, so to speak.

The ship lurches forward at unnatural speeds as you pass through dimensions of

the boy ship. Craft lands hard in a brand new place.

Since the dawn of the 1970s, fantasy role -playing games have provided men

women with an escape from their awkward lives.

Today, the most awkward of them all, Dan Harmon, is summoning celebrity friends

to play these games of old in front of a live studio audience in Hollywood.

I am Spencer, the Game Master, and this is Harmon Quest!

Fair enough.

Fair enough.

Thank you very much. This is Harmon Quest. I am the titular Harmon, but

just me apatowing my power all around.

It's called privilege.

It's just you go, put my name on this and that. This show would not exist. It

wouldn't be good if it wasn't for our game master, Spencer Crittenden.

Equally indispensable to my right, Aaron McGothy.

Two cheers down to my left, Mr. Jeff Davis.

The trajectory of those went down throughout the season.

Super excited.

An old friend, but a first -time guest.

He was the voice of SpongeBob SquarePants. Tom Kenny is here.

I decided to go full -on Rip Taylor there.

Just start throwing stuff at the audience. Finally, the props make sense.

I'm just here for the snacks.

Do you have any experience in your life at any stage with the fantasy tabletop

role -playing stuff?

No, that was just starting when I was in high school. I was in high school from

76 to 80.

And so I was always kind of adjacent to it. But, you know, getting laid was hard

enough for me in high school. So I didn't want to put that speed bump in

of myself.

Make things worse.

So, well, for anybody who's unfamiliar with this milieu.

It's pretty simple. Spencer is sort of the storyteller slash god.

He determines through dice and rules in his brain and from books that he's

apparently read whether or not the things that we say we want to try doing

succeed or fail.

So, without further ado, Let's Quest!

You find yourselves in the virtuous harmony, a plane of positive

energy, surrounding...

are rolling hills replete with flowers and copses of merry little trees.

This is the higher plane, untouched by the helling of the material realm. You

bask in the presence of the good vibes, almost forgetting your duties and your

troubles. I smell the roses.

Oh, man, they smell so good. Yeah, ooh, I like it. They smell heavenly.

Maybe we're in paradise and we don't have to struggle anymore. Maybe this is

end of our journey. Maybe it's our reward for staying friends.

I still feel kind of incomplete, though, like there was something that we didn't

accomplish. Your talking is broken by the sound of a wondrous voice that cuts

through the silence.

A figure cuts through into the forest. He's prancing

along.

Gentle Prancer.

Welcome. How are you? Are you enjoying my capering?

Oh, so much. We're so delighted. What name do we... My name is Legnacra.

Lignacra. Lignacra.

Lignacra. Lignacra, tell us of this place. Is this truly heaven? Because I

so happy here.

Where we are is virtuous harmony, a plane of the afterlife where only

and virtuous beings go to when they die. I call it V -Harmony.

It's like E -Harmony, but with less desperation.

Who are you? What's your...

Deal. I am just the maitre d' here in this heaven -like place. There are

comforts here that you in the mortal world can only dream of.

Look, a chocolate fountain.

If you're the maitre d', who is the master

of the house?

He's Nohetrov.

Lognatra, where do we find the Nohetrov?

Over the hills and far away.

You look like someone who knows a dance or two. As we go over, would you teach

us a dance? Ah, the mode of conveyance here is prancing.

All must prance.

Come on, do it with me.

Skip, skip, skip, skip. I start stomping my feet. And you troll.

Skip. I'm not a troll. You look like a troll.

I'm sorry.

We prance towards Nootrop. Yes, we prance and we skip.

You do that.

You go there.

You see a brilliant, dazzling throne.

And on that throne is, like, just one of the fattest things you've ever seen. He

looks like he's asleep.

Is that big old fatty pants? Is that Neutron?

Yes. Isn't he beautiful?

Look at him. I love watching him sleep.

Sometimes a little bubble of drool comes just down and falls right down on his

left nipple.

It splashes, and a swan spontaneously generates and flies away.

Wow.

Nootrov, we call upon you.

They are impressed with your swan -liver, master.

Nootrov, wake up.

I have a magical roll of everlasting toilet paper.

I throw the eternal toilet paper at Nootrov, and I say, clean up your act.

falls woefully short.

I go up and pick it up when I throw it again.

You get a bit closer. I keep doing it.

I don't care if it takes all goddamn afternoon.

What is the point of that? I wanted to give you an offering because you seem to

be drooling all over yourself. This is eternal toilet paper, a token of my

esteem and magnanimity.

Thanks. That's a great gift.

Here's the deal, Jackson.

We want out of here. This place seems like a real bummer.

Oh, yeah?

Is the beast of the beginning in your realm?

His eyes kind of roll back in his head and he starts scrying.

Oh, man, it's next to those life trees. That's crazy. What?

Usually I know when people show up. Thank you so much. Thank you. Don't be

hard on yourself.

Good luck.

Lignaca, take us over to those life trees, if you would. Past the small

you can see the beast of the beginning, a strange creature whose head seems to

be tucked in under its body, curled up along with several thick, tree -trunk

-like legs that kind of splay out like tentacles and wrap around it.

Surrounding the thing, you can see agents of AQD. They're forming a

four men facing outward like a security detail.

Here they are.

Well, they picked the wrong place to hide this fucker.

Lugnocta, do you know these guards?

I've never seen them before.

The Tree of Life is a place where, well, I just never stroll by here.

On this plane, when people...

Engage with each other. I mean it is battle even possible here even here in

heaven. We are known to kick ass once in a while.

I Don't like the cut of these people jib. Shall we fight them?

I had you pegged all wrong like I know I

know there are many sides to me. I'm like one of these dies

Do you have any powers that might make us more advantageous in battle?

Yes, I have all kinds of powers. But really, I have these weapons. I have a

club, and I have a javelina.

No, a javelin.

I thought it was a Mexican pig that I could wield.

Javelina!

I've got everything I need. How about you guys?

I just got this cloak. Can I put on the cloak to disguise myself as one of the

AQD? Oh, yeah.

Ooh, that's nice.

You do that. You form the gray robes of the aristocracy of the AQD as well as

the metal face mask.

Don't worry. It's still me, but you're.

Can I disguise myself and make myself look like them even though I'll be

shorter? Yeah, you do it. So I'm still my height? You're like a short one,

All right.

I'm turning invisible.

All right. You do that.

Invisible. Let me handle this. I'll talk to them.

Uh, fellas.

Hey there.

Hey, you guys look tired.

Uh, no, no.

Oh, I think you're pretty tired and tense.

Take five.

Go on a break. Go to the break room. We got stuff to do. We're guarding this

beast. Do you know who's after this thing? I march up to the four alongside

Lignacra and say, uh, no, who wants the, uh, this thing? But your disguise is

one of them.

Yeah.

But we're new on the ship.

We're here to relieve them.

This is highly irregular.

I don't know what's going on, and why are you associating with an angel?

Well, why are you being a dick?

You're not a supervisor.

I'm not.

So, thank you.

Hey, guys.

I walk up to one of the AQD guys. I go, look, buddy, we're all in this together.

You know, the job's a job, you know. I'm just trying to pull down on a decent

living wage. And I take a dagger out and stab him in the back.

It's a critical hit. A critical hit.

Dealing 39 damage.

You stab him right in the kidney. Straight through his kidney and into his

liver. He goes down and bleeds. The other guys roll around and go, what the

fuck? I follow his lead and I use new friend and I try to cut off the head of

the AQD that's near me.

You do that.

Dealing nine damage.

He doesn't die.

Well, that's a taste.

You feel a chill run down your spine, and this shit materializes over your

Fortheon appears through a splash of darkness right before you. He's holding

arms. They're Fondu's arms.

Whoa.

He lunges at the beast, hoping to grab it. He's trying to gain control of it.

Do they look like fresh dead?

They're pretty fresh.

Okay.

Cool.

I was wondering if he's nearby.

If he is, he probably won't be able to help us.

The three remaining agents, they go, oh, you know what to do. Codename Omega.

And a beam of energy kind of projects around them, creating a force field

cage around you guys and the beast of beginning and Vortheon.

You're trapped inside of a force field.

Am I in there with them? Yeah, it's like a cage match.

Am I close to Lugnoctra? You're close.

I pick up Lugnoctra. No.

You throw anything.

I hurl Lugnoctra at Vorthion.

Sorry!

I love it. Being a missile is wonderful.

You hit him. He takes 10 damage. Oh, that worked. I never felt so alive.

Doctor, try to get closer to him. I'm going to use my war club and get down to

some holy smiting and bludgeoning. I swing my war club and... And you smash

right in the jaw, dealing nine damage.

Ah! Throw me again!

Well, I'm far away from you now, but you're just distributing... I'm rolling

back the...

the magic that the druid Clarence gave me to connect with the beast at the

beginning.

All right.

Mortheon's also trying to do the same thing using Fondu's hand. I said it

I said it first.

Well, no, he did it like turns ago. Oh, shit.

You guys are fighting. You're attempting to seize control over the beast to

activate it. You feel the familiar sense of being pulled away from this world as

the beast at the beginning begins to tumble through space and time. So the

inside is plane shifting.

Elemental plane of steam. You can hardly see. And it's hot.

So it's like if you put Camden, New Jersey in Hawaii.

Yeah. Okay.

Vorthion. He charges up a spell and blasts it into his critical head. It

Dan in the face.

Jeez.

44 damage. Oh! Oh!

Oh,

man.

It's bad. You hate that.

All right. Now it's Jeff's turn.

All right.

Am I near Vorthion?

Yeah, you're on top of the beast. I use mad hops to jump up in the air. I pour

everybody a delicious IPA.

And then I jump up and just go straight down right -handed with one of my

goblin's rays on Vorthion's face.

You do that. You hit it.

Thirteen damage.

I'll take it.

Violence is wonderful.

is near me now. Yeah, he rolled back.

Right, okay. So I... Throw me!

Throw me!

I will in one moment, but... Come on, baby, do it!

Lugnatra, I just... You know you want to! I look deep into Lugnatra's eyes,

I start going into a barbarian rage.

Ooh. I pick up Lugnatra, and my feet have...

into the wall of the force field. You hear a thickening crunch as your

breaks.

Holy shit.

You're really strong.

You take 11 damage.

Next time.

The plane shifts again and you find yourselves in the elemental plane of

Your skin burns.

I'm going to do my flesh at rain.

Flesh at rain.

You hit him for 20 damage as the flecks go into the gap in his armor.

Yeah, you like that, fucking toe dick?

Lorthion, he conjures a spike of blood out of his own blood and shoots it at

you, but he misses.

He does all these adorable dumb things.

Yeah. I'm going to go level one, no. Level two, no.

Ah.

I'm going to use searing judgment.

Three massive gemstones, the green, the blue, and the red one. They start

encircling him in light.

You see the blue one shoot the blue light. You see Borthion kind of

another corner farther away from you. At the same time, Borthion, he does a

magical spell, and you can see blood flooding out of his body.

Oh, brother. It hits you like a big tidal wave.

27 damage.

To all of them? To whom?

To everybody, yeah. Okay, what is the range of my glowing pendant?

About 10 feet.

Limerick!

Brother, I feel obligated to heal you.

Sorry, I take out my glowing pendant and I... You can recover

20 health.

Great, now I can hang out with my sister longer.

You go into the dimension of mud.

Everything's muddy and hard to move through.

I'm going to cast Shadow Wreath on myself so that my weapon deals extra

for 10 minutes.

You do that. I'm coming at you, and I'm going to kill you.

And here's why I'm confident about it.

I've fought a lot of guys in my life, and the ones that teleport away so they

can turn their blood into a weapon don't tend to win.

It's a critical failure!

You get tangled up, it chokes you on the one side, and it wraps up your legs on

the other side, and you fall to the ground.

You hear a muffled explosion.

You can see outside of the force field, the force field on the ship has exploded

and incinerated the agents of AQD, and the barriers they built fall down, and

now you're just fully going through time and space.

Hold on.

This is a job for Holy Touch 4.

41 damage.

41 damage!

You enter the plane of eternal chaos.

Vortheon is staggered by the blow, and you can see the runestones orbiting

around him. They're getting tighter and tighter. They touch his body, and he

turns into a weird, crazy monster.

He teleports.

How far?

Just in front of Eren to punch her with his giant, meaty fist.

Healing 18 damage.

Why?

Yeah,

okay.

Friends, combo move. Combo move!

Okay, what you got in mind?

I possess a javelina, if that will help.

Yeah, I'll throw you with your javelina drawn.

All right, hold on.

Let me.

That's not your javelina.

I pick up La Gnatra by its perfect cheek.

Get into a ball.

All right. Here we go.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Hurl like you've never hurled before.

and you can just see all these scars and holes and his blood is spilling out.

Smoke kind of rises through the cracks in his armor like a vampire burning.

What's the matter, dip knob?

Was this not part of your grand plan, you fuckstick?

Finally, he sputters, heaves and collapses and kind of falls out of this

surrounding the beast in the multiverse in the form that disintegrates, smeared

across the infinite frames of space -time.

You can hear a warm voice, and you see an eye opens up in the middle of the

beast's flesh. It looks at Bone Weevil. It goes, a fresh start, maybe?

I'm Bob.

Hello, Bob.

I put on my goblin sprays, and I try to summon that magic druidic,

what do you call it?

Chutzpah. Chutzpah.

Summoning the magic Chutzpah.

You activate the beast of beginning. You fly unburdened beyond distance and time

itself as the glories of the universe spin past, and you can feel yourself

blazing like a comet, like a falling star down to Earth, right towards

Village as the massive beast picks up speed, and you all snap with the impact

a mega -sun body slam into Earthscar Village, your impact nearly leveling the

entire town with its destruction on the place you call home, the sky.

The sky is normal, and the world is saved, and the beast of beginning

into silvery motes of light.

Take care now.

Bye, beast of the beginning.

As I take off my goblin frays and put them wherever I keep them, I look up

the sky as he disappears and kind of tear up a little bit because I feel

well, I've never felt that connected to anything that powerful in my whole life.

It's true.

Wow.

Look at this.

People. Stuff.

Corporealness.

I think I'm going to like it here.

They actually also have fields, clouds, and chocolate here, too.

Really?

Honey, I'm saved.

You hear movement in the wreckage, and Sandy Michael, the old village chief, he

kind of crawls out. He's like, what the fuck?

The world is saved, but the village destroyed?

Did they crash land on the heads of Fondu and Boneweevil from the past?

And what might that even do to the timeline anyway?

And indeed, where are we in the timeline?

It's not entirely clear at the moment. Find out next season on Harbin Quest.

ever? Tom Petty? I don't know.

It's not a competition.

I have been Harvin. This has been 10 Episodes of Quest. Thank you so much.