Original subtitles

- Oliver.

Oliver wake up, the rooster is alarm clocking.

- Alarm clocking?

Yes, I set his crow for 7:30.

- How do you set a rooster's crow?

- Well you see he has a little knob

on the back of him that you just...

- Never mind.

- Oh Oliver, I had the most marvelous dream.

I dreamt it was morning and we woke up,

and you said, "Where is my bathrobe?"

- Where is my bathrobe?

- Well in the dream it was under the bed.

- Under the...

Tied to your suitcase.

- What the?

- And you said that dreams never come true.

- Lisa why did you do this?

- Well I am not very good in interpretating dreams

but I would say that the reason your bathrobe

is tied to your suitcase is that you don't forget it

when you pack for your trip.

- Lisa what kind of a trip are you trying

to con me into taking?

- A honeymoon.

- We went on a honeymoon when we were first married.

- But a thing like that can't last forever.

- Look Lisa...

- If you don't want to go on a regular, official honeymoon,

why don't we go on a second honeymoon?

- We've already had a second honeymoon

and a third, and a fourth.

- Well why don't we make this a fifth?

Which is one of your favorite kinds of bottles.

- Look Lisa I can't...

- Oliver, I know one of the most romantical places

we can go to.

- Where is that?

- Well I'll give you a hint.

It's where all the girls wear grass skirts

and they do this dance where they shake their alohas.

And all their fellows ride on their surfbroads.

- Surfbroads?

- Yes, can you guess where it is?

- Oh yes!

And I'd love to go there.

But I don't think we could get

a visa to travel in to East Berlin.

♪ Green Acres is the place to be

♪ Farm-livin' is the life for me

♪ Land spreadin' out so far and wide

♪ Keep Manhattan, just give me that countryside

♪ New York is where I'd rather stay

♪ I get allergic smelling hay

♪ I just adore a penthouse view

♪ Darling, I love you but give me Park Avenue

♪ The chores ♪ The stores ♪ Fresh air

♪ Times Square ♪ You are my wife

♪ Good-bye, city life

♪ Green acres, we are there

- Nice to have you back Mrs. Grace.

- Oh thank you.

And remember me to your Father, Pam.

- Yes I will.

Morning Molly.

- Oh aloha, Pam.

- Do you know what you just said?

What?

- The top of your volcano is full of coconut candy.

- Boy, Hawaiian is sure a tough language to learn.

- Why are you taking a course in it?

- I just feel I should do something for my ethnics.

- My Father in his office?

- Oh no, he's eating breakfast in the tiki room.

- Morning Dad.

- Ah, morning.

Would you like some breakfast?

- No thanks, I've eaten.

Oh guess who checked into the hotel?

Marla Grayson.

- Ah, very pretty lady.

- And the first thing she did

after putting her jewels in the safe was to ask about you.

- She's got nice jewels.

She's got nice legs too.

- Charlie?

- I said you'd call her for cocktails.

- What time you gonna call her?

- I'm not going to call her.

- Big mistake, those jewels are real.

So are her legs.

- Charlie would you...

- Dad, why do you avoid Mrs. Grayson?

- Please, Pam.

- Aren't you ever gonna get married again?

- Why should I?

- I need a Mother.

- You can have mine.

- That'll be all Charlie.

Thank you.

- Dad.

- Pam, I'd like to go over these figures.

- Trying to figure out why business was off 15% last month?

- How'd you know that?

That Dottie, doesn't stop listening

in to my telephone conversations.

- You know Dad, if you want to boost business,

I have a couple of really groovy ideas.

- Thank you, but I don't need any help running this hotel.

- But...

- And if you don't stop butting in,

back you go to England to live with your Aunt again.

- Oh I'm only trying to help.

- That mail for me?

- Mm-hmm.

I was talking to Bill Miles,

the Public Relations man from the airlines, and he said...

- Hmm, got a request from the Shriner's

to have a convention here, 300 people.

- You know what happened when you had

the Shriner's convention here last year?

The pool was full of fezzes.

I'd turn them down.

- You'd turn them down?

Pam a hotel cannot exist without conventions.

- Well in my Business Administration class...

- Which you are going to be late for.

- I just want to tell you what the Professor said.

- Goodbye.

- Goodbye.

Who's the telegram from?

- I thought you'd left.

- Who's Lisa Douglas?

- She wants me to reserve a suite and a private surfbroad

for her husband.

- Surfbroad?

- Probably a typographical error.

- What'll you do if it isn't?

- Goodbye again.

- Ah, Mr. Carter, you eat all your breakfast this morning?

I'm so glad to see the 15% knock on the head

didn't kill your appetite.

- Hey Pam!

- Oh, hi Richard.

Hi Lily.

- Guess what?

We're getting married tomorrow night.

- Really? Congratulations that's great.

- I know.

- We want you to come to the wedding.

- Oh just tell me where.

- We thought it'd be romantic to have it

on the beach at Molokai Cove.

- Where you spending your honeymoon?

- Oh Richard's friend has a shack on the beach

that he's gonna lend us from 8:00 to 4:00 AM.

8:00 to 4:00 AM?

- He's a bartender, that's the shift he works.

- Well that's no way to spend a honeymoon.

Hey, how would you two like to spend your wedding night

in the honeymoon suite of the Moana Rexford Hotel?

- We can't afford anything like that.

- Won't cost you a cent.

You'll be my Father's guests.

- Don't you think you'd better ask your Father first?

- Ah, you don't want to worry about that.

If Dad were here he'd offer it to you himself.

- But you will ask him?

- But of course!

- Hey we'd better get to class.

- Okay, I'll see you tomorrow night.

- Bye bye.

- Hi Dad.

Hi.

- Huh, having lunch?

- Yes.

- I had lunch.

- Had breakfast too, yours and mine.

- Dad can I ask you a favor?

- It depends.

- It's not a very big favor.

- It never is.

- Well all I wanted to ask you

is if these two friends of mine could come...

- What is that?

- Oh I forgot to tell you that the Three Coconuts

were coming for an audition today.

- Stop it.

Stop that!

- Dad!

- Get your friends out of here.

- But Dad I thought it would be a great idea to have

a live rock group in the lobby.

So that when the guests come...

- People come here for a little peace and quiet.

- Well when I heard them in school they were...

- Pam will you please stop trying to do favors

for all your college friends.

I don't want to see another one of them in this hotel.

- Well that's the end of the honeymoon.

Unless...

- I can't do it Pam.

I just can't do it.

But nobody's reserved the honeymoon suite have they?

- Well no but...

- Then there's no harm in letting Lily and Richard

use it for one night.

- Pam you'd better ask your Father.

- I can't, he's still smarting from the Three Coconuts.

- Well...

- Molly do you want to see Richard and Lily spend their

wedding night in some beach shack,

and have to get out of bed at four o'clock in the morning

because the bartender came home?

- What bartender?

- Please Molly just give me the key.

- Oh.

- Oliver?

- Hmm.

- Do you think the hotel understood

the telegram I send them?

- Why shouldn't they?

- Well I don't know Hawaiian so I sent it in English.

- I think they'll have an interpreter.

- When do we get there?

- A couple of hours.

- Do you want to play some gin?

- No thank you.

- Do you want to drink some gin?

- No.

- Well everything alright folks?

- He's not much fun since he gave up drinking gin.

- Lisa...

Aren't you Jack Skylar?

- Oliver, Oliver Douglas, how are ya?

- Lisa this is Jack Skylar, we flew together during the war.

- Oh, are you flying the plane now Jack?

- Well yes.

- Then who's holding the shtick?

- Shtick?

Oh the co-pilot.

- Has he got a shtick license?

- You always did go for the dodo's didn't ya, hmm?

- What did he mean by that?

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here

to join this man and woman in holy matrimony.

Lily, do you take Richard to be your lawful wedded husband?

- I do.

And Richard, do you take Lily

to be your lawful wedded wife?

- I do.

- Richard place this ring on Lily's finger.

I now pronounce you, man and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

- Oliver.

- Hmm what?

- I've been thinking.

When we get to the hotel why don't we

take the honeymoon suite?

- What for?

- If you don't know what for,

we don't need the honeymoon suite.

Oh come on Oliver what do you say?

- Lisa if we'd gotten married

I'd be happy to take the honeymoon suite but...

Any room will be good enough.

- Oliver!

I got a good idea.

Why don't we get married before we get to the hotel

then it's going to be like a real honeymoon.

- Lisa isn't it enough that I agreed to take you

to Hawaii without getting married?

Oliver.

- Alright if it'll make you happy.

We'll take the honeymoon suite.

- Do you think the stores will be still open when we land?

I want to buy a black nightgown.

- Why?

Are you in mourning?

- Oh boy!

Now I wish we weren't going to Hawaii.

Hi Jack!

Hijack?

Hey!

- Do you know where Pam is?

- Pam is?

- Yeah.

Uh, well...

Oh the switchboard.

- Where's Dottie?

- Oh she left early.

- Well answer that.

This way please.

- Oh good evening folks, may I help you?

- Oh yes, I'm Oliver Douglas.

This is my wife.

- Hello there.

- How do you do?

I'm Bob Carter, Manager of the Moana Rexford.

We expected you earlier.

- Well the plane was late.

There was some nut screaming and yelling.

- Well I'm glad you finally got here.

- Did you reserve a nice surfbroad for my husband?

- Well no I didn't you see...

- My wife meant surfboard.

- Oh well that I think we can take care of.

- Oh good. - Excuse me.

Molly this is Mr. and Mrs. Douglas they have a reservation.

- Oh yes, we reserved a very nice room on the third floor.

- Instead of that, we'd like to have the honeymoon suite.

- The honeymoon suite?

- Well this isn't an official honeymoon.

We didn't get married.

- You um... - She means this time.

This is our fifth honeymoon.

- May I have the key to the honeymoon suite please?

- The honeymoon suite?

- Yes, 1078.

- Come on.

The honeymoon suite.

With the choice of two bedrooms.

- Two?

- Some honeymoon couples come equipped with families.

Come and look around.

- Oh it's beautiful Pam.

- Well I guess you two are tired.

Like to go to bed, or watch television, or something.

- Thanks Pam.

- Thanks.

- Good night.

- Here we are.

Pam what are you doing here?

- Oh I was just checking to see that everything was alright.

- Oh!

Well this is my daughter Pamela.

This is Mr. and Mrs. Douglas.

- Hello dear.

- How do you do?

It's very nice to meet you.

- She speaks with an accident.

- Look who's talking of speaking with an accident.

- My daughter was raised and educated in England.

- Oh!

- Mr. and Mrs. Douglas have rented this suite.

- Oh I'm sorry to hear that.

- Huh?

- I mean I'm sorry they didn't

take the room they'd reserved.

It's much nicer.

- The suite has two bedrooms.

- Oh Daddy no they wouldn't like that one.

- Why not?

- Well you know how damp that one gets this time of year.

I'm sure it wouldn't do Mr. Douglas's rheumatism any good.

- Oliver, isn't that thoughtful of her?

- Ah thoughtful, I don't have any rheuma...

- This one's much nicer.

- Oh Oliver.

Oh it's lovely!

- It has a nice balcony overlooking the ocean.

Mr. Douglas can sit out there in the sun.

It'll be so good for his arthritis.

- Oh he has rheumatism.

- I don't have...

- Pam will you please go downstairs.

- Yes.

Excuse me.

Put those in there Joe before they change their mind.

- Right.

No trouble at all.

I'll take care of it as soon as I get downstairs.

- I've got to get them out of there.

Why don't they answer?

- Well if you were on your honeymoon would you?

- Hello.

- Pack your clothes and get out of there fast.

- Hello.

Hello!

- Who was that?

- I don't know.

Somebody said, to pack and get out of here.

- I told you we should have gotten married.

- Oh that's a...

- Oh I don't know what it is with you.

The house stick always spots you right away.

- For the love...

- Oliver why don't we order some champagne and caviar, hmm?

- Oh good idea.

- Oh it's 1078.

- Aren't you packed yet?

- This is Mr. Douglas.

- Oh I'm sorry, may I help you?

- Can you connect me with room service please?

- I'll take care of it.

What would you like?

- Molly.

Molly!

- Oh yes Mr. Carter?

- Have you seen Pam?

- Pam who?

- My daughter.

- Well it seems to me I just saw her somewhere.

- Well if you see her, tell her to come to my office.

- Yes sir.

Your Father wants you... - I heard him.

- Where are you going?

- I've got to take some caviar and champagne up to 1078.

- Oh hi Pam.

- Richard you and Lily must...

- Champagne and caviar?

Oh Pam you didn't have to do this.

Thanks very much.

- Oh no, no.

No Richard, no that's not.

- Yes?

- Peace.

- Did you want something?

- Yes I just wondered if you had enough ashtrays?

- We don't smoke.

- Well then I guess you do have enough.

Good night!

- Good night.

- Oliver, it's been over a half an hour.

Didn't the champagne get here yet?

- No.

- Well why didn't you call again?

- Oh they'll bring it.

There that must be room service.

What the?

- What's that?

A half a bottle of champagne

and some half-eaten caviar.

- Is it cheaper this way?

- Well I didn't or...

- May I help you?

- Yes this is Mr. Douglas.

I called room service and they brought up

a half a bottle of champagne

and some partially eaten caviar.

- Well isn't that the way you ordered it sir?

No I

Could I talk to the Manager please?

- Molly.

- It's Mr. Douglas, he wants to talk to the Manager.

- Plug me in.

Managers office may I help you?

- This is Mr. Douglas.

I'd like to talk to the Manager.

- Well I'm afraid he isn't here right now.

- I have a half a bottle of champagne

and some caviar that's been eaten...

- Oh leave it outside the door

and the maid will pick it up in the morning.

Look please, would you let me talk to the Manager?

- I've told you the Manager is not here right now.

- Oh yes he is.

- Hello this is Bob Carter.

- This is Mr. Douglas in 1078.

There's something very strange going on here.

- I'll be right up.

- Where are you going?

- Up to 1078.

- But that's the honeymoon suite.

You can't go up there at this time of night.

- Pam I don't know what is going on here.

But I'm sure that when I find out

it's going to have something to do with you.

- But Dad.

- Let go of my arm.

- Oh Mrs. Grayson, Dad was just on his way up to get you.

- I was not.

- You were to.

He's going to take you to the tiki room for a cocktail.

- Oh well isn't that sweet.

- Well no listen I can't...

- Well I'd tell you it's a little late for cocktails

but I'd love to have a nightcap with you.

- Yes but I have to...

- I'll take care of 1078.

Have fun.

- Thank you.

- Manager's on his way up.

- Is he going to throw us out?

- Why should he throw us out?

- I thought I heard voices.

- Well...

No wonder you wanted a suite with two bedrooms.

You've got girls stashed away in every room.

- I don't even know who...

- You ought to take it easy with your arthritis.

- Rheumatism.

- What's going on here?

- This happens to be our suite.

- Richard, you and Lily have just got to get out of here

before, oh I see you've already met.

- Yes would you mind explaining

what these people are doing here?

- Explain?

- Yes.

- Well, Richard and Lily just got married,

and they were going to spend their honeymoon

with this bartender.

- That's who he wanted to spend his honeymoon with.

- Well since they couldn't afford a real honeymoon,

I said they could use the suite here.

Because I didn't know you were going to take it.

Ah!

Well I understand.

- We don't want to get Pam in trouble.

We'll pack our things and get right out.

- Why do you have to do that?

There are two bedrooms.

- We couldn't... - Oh why not?

Here you be our guests.

- Well... - I tell you what,

we'll all have breakfast together in the morning.

But not too early.

- The next time you bring any of your friends

into this hotel.

- The Douglas's didn't mind Dad.

They were quite happy about it.

- They could have started a lot of trouble for the hotel

if they'd wanted to.

- I don't why you're so grouchy.

Everything worked out just fine.

- Luckily.

- Oh by the way, how was your evening

with Mrs. Grayson?

- And that's another thing, stay out of my love life.

- I'm sorry.

Guess I've done it again.

- You certainly have.

- I don't mean to meddle.

- But you do.

Why don't you just relax?

And try not to help me.

It's too much of a strain.

- Well if that's the way you want it?

- That's the way I want it.

- Okay, from now on I promise not to...

- Hello.

What?

Porpoises?

I didn't order any porpoises.

What?

Oh wait a second.

Young lady.

Do you know anything about three live porpoises

who's just been delivered to this hotel?

- Oh them?

Well you see Dad, I met this man and he was stuck

with these porpoises, so I thought it would be a great

publicity idea for the...

- Where are you going to put them?

- In the swimming pool?

- I'll call you back.

In the swimming.