Original subtitles

- Ha.

Ha.

- Do you have to do that?

- Do what?

- That ha.

- If I don't ha, they won't dry.

Ha.

- Look, could you do that in the other room?

- No, my nails are in here.

Ha.

Ha.

- Well, if you don't mind, I'll,

- Well, here I am.

- Good.

- Say, Mister Douglas, I need your opinion, how do I look?

- Well,

What difference does it make, it's dark outside?

- You look very nice, Eb.

Where are you going?

- This is a very important night for me,

I'm gonna ask Darlene if she want to play it in my trough.

- What?

- If she wants to get engaged to me.

- Oh, Eb, that's wonderful.

- What's that?

- Oh, that's my frog.

He's my good luck charm.

Aren't you?

- Why do you need a good luck charm?

- In a situation like this, I need all the help I can get.

I can't rely solely on my sophistication and charm.

- That's right.

- Say, Mister Douglas, what do you say to a girl

at a time like this?

- Very simple, you just tell her you love her

and you want to marry her.

- I don't want to marry her, I just want to get engaged.

- Well, there's no point in getting engaged to a girl

unless you want to marry her.

- Leave it to you to spoil a perfectly beautiful evening.

- Ha.

♪ Green acres is the place to be

♪ Farm living is the life for me

♪ Land spreading out so far and wide

♪ Keep Manhattan, just give me that countryside

♪ New York is where I'd rather stay

♪ I get allergic smelling hay

♪ I just adore a penthouse view

♪ Darling, I love you but give me Park Avenue

♪ The chores ♪ The stores ♪ Fresh air

♪ Times Square ♪ You are my wife

♪ Good bye, city life

♪ Green Acres we are there

- Ain't it a beautiful night, Darlene?

- Sure is.

Listen to that bullfrog

- If knew he was gonna be that noisy,

I wouldn't have brought him along.

- Oh, Eb.

- Quiet.

Darlene, how long have we been going together?

- Two months.

- Are you sure?

It seems more like six.

- Eb.

- Oh, I didn't mean that the way it sounded.

I meant that for every hour I spend with you,

it seems like two.

No, that didn't come out right either.

Well, what I'm trying to say is that

we've been going together for a long time and,

well, how would you like to get engaged?

Not you.

Well, what do you say?

- I'd love to be engaged to you.

- Thank you, and congratulations.

- Eb, can't you do something more romantic than that?

- Like what?

- How about kissing me?

- First we have to make it official.

I couldn't afford a ring.

- Oh, that's alright.

- But I do have something I'd like you to wear.

It's one of my most prized possessions.

- Your class pin.

- No, the watch fob I won

in the Pixley-Hooterville bowling tournament.

- Oh, Eb, it's very nice.

- You can buy a chain and wear it around your neck.

- I will.

And now that we've made it official,

aren't you going to kiss me?

- She's talking to me.

- Well?

- Hold it.

What are you trying to do to my daughter?

- Kiss her.

- You hippy.

- But Daddy, we're engaged.

- Engaged?

- Show him what I gave you.

- A watch fob?

- I won that for coming in fourth in the bowling tournament.

I would have come in third,

but somebody plugged up one of the holes in my bowling ball.

- Well, if you think you can get engaged to my daughter

with a crumby watch fob,

somebody must have plugged up the hole in your head.

Inside.

- But, Daddy, - Inside!

- But, Mister Wheeler,

- And if I ever see your cheap face around here again,

pow!

- You're right, that's exactly what he is.

- Oliver, would you like to have some more coffee?

- No, thanks.

Look, where is Eb?

We've got work to do.

- Why, he's probably still asleep.

He must be exhausted,

he was proposing to Darlene last night.

- But he shouldn't stay out late when he has work to do.

- Well, we used to stay out half the night

when we were going together.

- Yeah, but, - We had some wonderful times.

Remember the night in Paris

when you took me up to your penthouse,

and you ordered champagne and had an orchestra,

and we took we off our shoes and we danced on the roof?

- I never had a penthouse in Paris.

- Oh, that's right, that must have been the count.

He was a big-shport - Look, I'm not,

- He was also a very good roof dancer.

- Fine, now, if you'll excuse me.

- I remember the other time,

when you took me on the yacht and you ordered champagne

and you ordered the orchestra, and we took off our shoes,

and we danced all night on the poops deck.

- I never had a yacht either.

- Oh, that's right.

That was the Greek fellow with all the boats.

He was a bish-por, too.

- Look, I don't,

- And a very good poops deck dancer.

Now as good a poops deck dancer as a roof dancer, but

- I'll see you later.

It's about time you got up.

- I'm in no mood for your early-morning hostilities.

- Oh, Eb, what would you like to have for breakfast?

- Nothing, I'm never gonna eat again.

- Good, then we can get to work.

- I'm never gonna work again.

- What's the matter? - As if you cared.

All you think about is how much work you can get out of me

without breakfast.

- What's the problem, Eb?

- It's Darlene.

- What happened, she turn you down?

- No, her father did.

He didn't like the engagement present I gave her.

- What did you give her?

- The watch fob I won for coming in fourth

in the bowling tournament.

- A fourth place watch fob?

- Well, what's wrong with that?

It isn't the thought, it's what he gave her.

- What he gave her didn't take much thought.

The fourth place, - Darlene liked it.

It was that father of hers, he hates me.

- I knew he wasn't all bad.

- Like my father the king used to say,

parents shouldn't interfere with their kids.

- He was a fine one to talk,

he was always sticking his nose in,

- What about your mother?

- What about my problem.

- Oh, Eb, don't worry about it.

These things have a way of working themselves out.

- If I had only come in second,

I would have won a silver shoe horn.

Maybe he would of liked that.

- Let's get to work.

- Hello, Mister Trucker.

- Hello, Mister Douglas - Yeah, I,

- I understand congratulations are in order.

- Congratulations?

- I heard about Eb.

- Oh, that.

- Yeah, I heard he came in fourth in the bowling tournament.

- Oh, no, that was, - Got a watch fob, huh?

- Well, that tournament was,

- I was never any good at bowling.

- Oh?

- Wasn't any good at pitching horseshoes either.

- Well,

- The iron claw machine, that was my sport.

- The iron claw?

- You know, the machine where you

try to pick up prizes with,

but most of the time all you get is stale candy.

- Oh, yeah, I've seen those.

- I still hold the state record for one grab:

12 jellybeans and an alarm clock.

- Yeah, wow.

- Oh, hiya, Sam.

Well, if it isn't the big sport.

- What?

- Here's your freaky fob.

- That's not my fob.

- What do you think of a tin horn who gives his kid

his fourth-place watch fob to give to my daughter

for an engagement present.

- Well, I, - That's not my fob.

- Well, whoever it belongs to, we don't want it.

I'm calling off the engagement.

- You're calling it off?

Why don't you let the kids decide?

- Yeah, let the kids decide.

It's that kind of thinking

that keeps the psychiatrists in business.

- What kind of a stupid statement is that?

- You hear that, Sam?

Well, I,

- Let the kinds run wild, sure.

No wonder they're all riding motorcycles.

- That doesn't make any sense either.

- You understood it, didn't you, Sam?

- Well, er, uh,

- Maybe you can understand this:

your kid is not getting engaged to my daughter

unless he shows up with an engagement ring.

Now that's clear, isn't it, Sam?

- Well, it's, - Look, Wheeler.

- And one thing more, it better not be a cheap ring.

I don't want to be ashamed when I show it around town.

So long, Sam.

- I, uh, oh,

- You know Eb would be better off

if he didn't marry into that family, don't you agree?

- Well, I, uh,

- You mean she returned it?

- She didn't, her father did.

- Does this mean that Darlene and I aren't engaged.

- No, not according to her father.

He wants you to give his daughter an engagement ring.

- How much would one cost?

- Anywhere from $200 up to 50,000.

- Can I borrow 50,000 from you?

- No.

- How about 200?

- No.

- How about something in between?

- Eb, forget it, an engagement ring isn't important.

- That sounds like married man talk.

An engagement ring may not be important to you,

but it's certainly important to a girl.

- Did you get a ring when you got engaged?

- Every time.

- Every time?

- How many times were you engaged.

- Just a minute, let me just think.

One, two, three, four, five, six.

- Wow-wee, who gave you those?

- Well, this one is from the count,

and this one is from the Greek fellow with all the boats,

and this one is from the Sheik.

- What Sheik?

- The one I met in the desert.

The one who took me into his tent,

and we had champagne and the orchestra,

and we took our shoes off and we danced

all night in the sand.

- You sure got a lot of action with your shoes off.

- Eb, I want you to have one of these

and give it to Darlene.

- Golly, they're all so expensive looking.

Except this one.

Ha, the guy that gave this

must have been a really cheapskate.

- Mister Douglas gave it to me.

- Well, you should have taken the fellow with the boats

or the guy with the sand in his shoes.

- For your information, I paid $2,000 for that ring.

- Oliver, it doesn't matter how much you paid for it.

As little as it is, it's the only one

that meant anything to me.

- Thank you.

- You know, I think this is the one

we ought to give to Eb to give to Darlene.

- My ring?

Give him one of the others.

- Well, in Hungary, we have a custom

where the mother gives her engagement ring to her child,

and her child gives it to the next one,

and that way it's passed from one generator

to the next generator.

- Generator?

- Here, Eb, give it to Darlene.

- Thanks.

- Darlene, Darlene?

Darlene?

Guess what I've got.

- Shh, Daddy is inside, and he's still mad at you.

- He won't be when he sees what I've got.

- What?

- Your engagement ring, he'll love it.

- Don't you think you should show it to me first?

- Oh.

- Oh, Eb, it's beautiful.

- It should be, it, it cost $2,000.

- 2,000?

- Yes, $2,000.

- That's an awful lot of money.

- I didn't buy it, it's the family ring.

Mister Douglas bought it for Misses Douglas,

and she gave it to me for you.

- Oh, isn't that sweet.

Aren't you going to put it on?

- Oh.

How does it look?

- On my finger, Eb.

- Oh.

Oops.

Where'd it go?

- I think it fell through that crack in the floor.

- We better find it.

- Get out of there.

- Mister Wheeler, we,

- I should have known it was you

dragging my daughter under the porch.

Is that another one of those tricks

you learned from your father?

- We were looking for the ring?

- What ring?

- This ring.

- Hey, let me see that.

- It cost $2,000.

- $2,000, huh?

Well, that's more like it.

Welcome to the family, son.

- Thanks, Dad.

- Hey, wait til I show this around town.

- Boy, that ring sure went over big.

- Good.

- Yeah, Mister Wheeler loved it.

- How about Darlene?

- I don't remember what she said.

- Who are you engaged to, Darlene or Mister Wheeler?

- Right now, Mister Wheeler, he's got the ring.

- He's got it?

- Yeah, he's showing it to all his friends.

- What for?

- Well, I guess if they okay it, he'll let her wear it.

- Of all, look, Eb, why don't you just forget him.

Now, come on, let's get to work.

- Oh, here you are you deadbeat.

- Wait just a,

- Not you, the junior deadbeat.

Here's your ring back.

- What's wrong with it, don't you like it?

- I did til I had it appraised.

Do you know what that hunk of junk is worth?

$8.

- Mister Douglas, when you gave it to me,

you said it was worth $2,000.

- It is.

- Oh, you gave it to him, I should have known.

- I don't know who does your appraising,

but I paid $2,000 for that ring.

- Ha, Sam has won better things on the iron claw machine.

- Mister Wheeler, I didn't know he gave me a phony ring.

But I'll make it up to you.

- Forget it, and forget the engagement, too.

From now on, just stay away from my daughter.

- But, Mister Wheeler,

- Some family, a fourth place kid and an $8 father.

- Ooh.

- Well, you did it to me again, you ruined my engagement.

- I didn't.

- There's only one way you can straighten this out.

- How?

- Give Mister Wheeler $2,000,

and let him pick out the ring he likes.

- Mister Wheeler didn't like the $8 ring?

- It was $2,000.

- Well, maybe they overcharged you.

- Lisa, I bought that ring from a very reputable,

- I think you ought to go over to Mister Wheeler

and apologize.

- Apologize, for what?

- Tell him you're sorry,

and you wouldn't have given him the ring

if you would have known

that he was going to have it appraised.

- I'm getting awfully tired of this.

I don't want to hear anymore about that ring.

Come in.

Mister Kimball?

- Oh, there you are.

I was looking for you in the other room.

- How are you, Mister Kimball.

- Oh, fine.

Well, not fine.

I got this back thing,

and, oh, it's more of a hip thing, it's,

well, it moves around a lot.

Right now it's in my head.

- I'm glad you got something up there.

What can we do for you?

- Do for me, hm.

Oh, I just came over to see the $8 engagement ring.

- Look, will you,

- Say, you sure got a lot of ring there for $8.

- Oh, no, this is my Prince's ring, it cost $45,000.

- And you got it for eight?

Boy, that's quite a bargain.

- No, this is the $8 ring.

- Lisa, that's not, - $8, huh?

- Mister Kimball?

- No wonder Mister Wheeler was ashamed

to show that around town.

- It's none of Wheeler's business.

- He should leave the children alone.

- Yeah, it seemed a shame that Eb and Darlene

can't get married just because Mister Wheeler

can't stand Eb.

Of course, my parents had the same problem.

Yeah, my mother's father couldn't stand my father.

No, it was my mother that couldn't stand my father.

No, it was my father that couldn't stand.

My mother always had to hold him up.

- Oh, for,

- As a matter of fact, my father nearly fell of the ladder

when he eloped with,

who'd he elope with again?

- Your mother?

- My father eloped with your mother?

- Then you two must be related.

- Yeah, I'm his uncle.

- You never told me that - Oh, look, Lisa,

We'll, I've gotta be running along, Uncle Oliver.

Well, I guess there's nobody home.

- Eb, there's a lot of work to do, do you mind?

- No, I don't mind, you go right ahead and do it.

- If you're gonna take the day off,

you're not gonna get paid.

- What's money to a man whose life is over?

Without Darlene I'm nothing.

- You're not too much with her.

Look, Eb, now stop worrying, you'll work it out.

- There is no way out.

- You're wrong, my boy.

There is a way out.

- There is?

- Oh, wait, Mister Haney, you shouldn't,

- My card.

- Haney's way out service.

- Way out, oh, - Now, as I understand it,

you wanna marry Darlene, but her father won't let you.

- Right.

- Then step right over here, I have just the solution

for your de-le-mi-ner.

Elopement, that's it.

- Now, we have a choice of services,

but I'm sure your father will want

the deluxe package for you.

- I'm sure he will.

- I am not, - Now, step this way.

Here we are.

Now, the basic item of any elopement

is a good, sturdy ladder.

- What kind of a ladder is that?

- That'll be $18.

- Well, that ladder is not gonna be long enough,

Darlene's room is on the second floor.

- You'll need our second story elopement ladder.

That'll be $42 extra.

- I am not paying, - There you are.

As you can see, this is made of

genuine, imported coconut wood.

- It hasn't got any rungs.

- Oh, well, if you want rungs,

it'll cost you $67 extra.

- We'll take it with rungs.

- We're not taking anything.

- How much does your girl weigh?

- 105.

- Then you won't need the assistant

to help you carry her down.

That saves you a dollar and a half.

- Lucky me.

- Now, for the complete set of luggage.

As you can see, this suitcase is made of

genuine, imported coconut leather.

- Coconut leather?

- How about that?

It matches the ladder.

- We think of everything.

- This is a looking, - Don't touch that handle.

- Why not?

- That's where the self-destruct button is.

- Self-destruct button?

- That's in case the girls father catches you in mid-ladder,

all you gotta do is just squeeze the handle,

and the elopement evidence is destroyed in five seconds.

- Mister Haney, I have heard enough.

- No, you haven't.

Now, look at it this way,

- Goodbye, Mister Haney.

- Oh, but Mister Douglas,

- Take your coconut service and get out of here.

- But, - Out!

- Well, you did it to me again.

That seemed like a great deal.

- Oh, that junk,

hey, Mister Haney.

Hey, you forgot your suitcase.

Lisa, I'm going to bed.

- Aren't you going to wait up for Eb?

- Why should I?

- He went over to see Darlene.

- Isn't he tired of having Wheeler throw him out?

- I don't think he's going to throw him out this time.

- Why not?

- I just have a feeling.

- Lisa, what did you, - Misses Douglas,

Misses Douglas, it worked.

- I thought it would.

Oh, I'm so happy for you, Eb.

- I'll always be grateful to you.

- For what?

- Mister Wheeler called the engagement on again.

- He did?

- He's giving a big engagement party Friday night,

everybody is invited.

He said even you could come.

- Well, that's darn nice of him.

- I gotta go call all my friend an tell them.

- I guess that takes care of that.

See you later.

- Just a minute, what made Mister Wheeler change his mind?

- We had a little talk.

- About what?

- About the value of engagement rings

and about the value of dowries.

I said we can understand his concern

about the engagement ring,

but we are also concerned about the size of the dowry

he was going to give to his daughter.

- Lisa, you didn't.

- There's an old Hungarian saying

that you have to fight fire with water.

So after a couple of glasses of fire water, we made a deal:

if he accept the watch fob for the engagement,

the we'll accept the dowry he was gonna give Darlene,

the imitation lace tablecloths with the birch chair.

- Lisa, that's the,

- And I got to keep the engagement ring you gave me,

because I really didn't want to have to

give that to Darlene,

even though it was worth only $8.

- Lisa, that ring cost $2,000.

If you don't believe it, we'll have it appraised.

- Oh, that won't be necessary.

My father had it appraised when you first gave it to me.

- Well?

- $8, including the box.

- Lisa, I must have been cheated.

And anyway, if you've known all this time

what the ring was worth,

why didn't you say something about it?

- Well, it didn't make any difference to me,

and I didn't want to hurt your feelings.

- Oh, well, I guess that's why I never said anything

about your dowry.

- And what was wrong with my dowry.

98-piece sterling silver service for 12.

- It was 22 pieces, and it was tin.

- It was sterling silver,

and my father paid $17,000 for it.

- It was worth $6.

- Oliver, my father,

- My mother had it appraised, $6, including the box.

So I gave you an $8 ring and you gave me a $6 dowry.

You owe me $2.

- What about the $2 I lent you for our marriage license?

- Oh, yeah, yeah, well, I guess we're even.

- What a nice way to start a marriage.