Original subtitles

I just think that, look,

I know I'm getting fired, so I've made my peace.

I'll probably just go home or something.

What did they say to you?

Jess?

What did-- Jess,

- what did they say to you? - Hold on, Mel.

Give me one sec.

Okay, it's just I couldn't hear you,

so I didn't know if you were still here.

Sorry, Mel. How's this?

Ah! She lives!

Okay, well, so they said two weeks,

but that we should consider ourselves fun-employed.

Oh, so you think you're completely getting fired?

I prefer paid vacation,

at least until I hear otherwise.

I mean, that's cushy.

I suppose that is the benefit of working

for a monopolistic behemoth never going out of business.

You kicking it with the boyfriend or what?

Jesus, no, not boyfriend.

Yeah, okay.

Whatever you say.

Gonna let him down easy tonight.

Oh, really?

Yeah, looking like it.

Well, let me know if you need anything.

It'll be fine.

I'll just be like, "Uh...

"We want different things.

I'd prefer to date casually."

- Blah-blah-blah... - Funny.

Well, okay, can you just let me know

if you don't end up going through with it.

Why wouldn't I go through with it?

I'm not saying you won't, but...

come on, Jess.

You're you.

Yeah, that's, um, that's a factually correct statement.

I just mean that you've given us a pump-fake before.

So, I'd prefer not to do

the thing where I shit-talk him

before you actually pull the plug,

and then you wind up getting back together

and then I look like a total and complete jackass.

Okay, well, we were never "together" in the first place.

So, shit-talk away.

I just feel like if we're stuck at home for two weeks,

I remember when my hot water went out,

and I got back with Jason just so I could shower at his place.

Yeah, well, that's because you're disgusting.

Although, I could see how tonight goes

and then get rid of him in two weeks.

See? You're cracking al--

I'm not, it's just,

like, maybe you have a point.

Two weeks of lockdown,

this whole thing blows over.

I'll do it then. No harm, no foul.

Okay, I said I wouldn't do this, but he's weird.

Okay, so you are doing it.

No, it's just that

some of the things you've said,

if we're being honest, they seem a little strange.

I think I left my phone in the car.

Not this again.

Just keep it in your pocket or your

purse or--

Sorry, Mel, could you--

could you just say that again?

I lost you there for a sec.

Yeah, sure.

It's just that I'm ultimately here

to support you,

whatever decision you come to.

But can you just promise me you'll be safe?

Yes, Mel, okay, yes, yes, I promise.

Okay, thank you.

Sorry, I just don't know this guy.

The flags aren't red, per se,

but they're definitely tinted a bit...

- Got it. - I know, I know you do.

I'm just saying that with everything going on...

...it's a lot with the lockdown and I'm worried

I might go a little ape-shit without my friend

and I don't want to lose you, so it's selfish.

What was that?

Jess? Sorry, did you mute yourself?

Hello?

You gotta get new headphones or something.

Jess? Hello?

Hello?

Jess?

♪ You should be here with me ♪

Of course not, okay.

♪ I wish you were here with me ♪

♪ I keep waiting for ♪

♪ For you to call ♪

♪ I'm thinkin' that I'm gonna need a miracle ♪

♪ Wasted again ♪

♪ I told my friends ♪

♪ I'm feelin' like you're comin' 'cause I feel the sun ♪

- Hey! - Hi!

- Don't go! - Don't leave us,

- come back to us! - I'm sorry.

I'm back.

Kathleen!

Oh, stop it! Do not call me that.

- Hey, Katy. - Hey, guys,

congrats on the new place.

- Thanks! - Where's everybody?

You are the first to arrive.

Fancy us.

Okay, Becca, how's it living with, like, a boy?

I feel so old.

I'm, I'm right here.

Babe, you know it's amazing.

Oh, no, it is.

Although, she does this weird thing

where she sings in her sleep.

Yeah, I didn't believe him,

so I had him film me.

Honestly, I'm pretty good.

Oh, my god, I need to see that, please.

Oh, yeah, it's already on its way over as we speak.

- Perfect. - Okay, no human

has ever lost more socks than Jacob.

- Are you serious? - I have, like, a whole pile

on the dresser-- I call them "the orphans."

Oh.

Oh, check it out.

- Oh, got it. - Oh, boy. Why?

It's so good, it's so good!

Never gets old.

You don't believe me, Becca?

- Oh, my god. - Now you don't have to.

Why?

- It's gold! - No!

Oh! My god.

- It's so cute! - No, no, no.

It's so funny, dude.

Oh, man.

Why are you so good?

Thanks for joining

this episode and we'll see you next time, in the Outback.

Still less weird than orphan socks.

Just putting that out there.

Yeah, but for real, guys, how you holding up?

I've been looking forward to this all week,

you have no idea.

She really has, she's not kidding.

Yeah.

And Becca, I'm sorry, with everything.

Thanks.

I mean, I as able to switch some of my

Mind, Body, Fitness clients over to private classes,

so weirdly enough, I've been teaching more yoga virtually

than I would be in person.

Oh, also, they let me keep my work phone.

And she still won't let me use it

to prank text anyone, I don't know why.

Maybe because we're not in middle school.

Hey, you know what, guys?

I'm gonna check in with everyone, real quick.

You know, you'd think people would be a little more prompt

considering all you have to do is open your computer.

Can't use traffic as an excuse anymore.

"Sorry, I'm still looking for parking," right?

Don't even have to pants on.

- Really? Seriously? - Mm-hmm.

Dumb!

Yeah... thank you.

So weird.

God, it's like herding cats.

Totally.

Okay.

Um, gimme a sec, I'm going to grab my wine

and be right back.

- Okay. - Cool, cool.

You're kinda cute.

- You're kinda cute. - Nah.

Yeah, yeah.

Look at us.

It's like we have our own little webcam show.

- We could totally do that. - Totally could.

Mmm...

Hey, guys! Oh, for fuck's sake!

- Sorry! - Sorry, hi!

Is this the new place?

- Yep. - It's new for us.

It seems a bit Jakey, no?

Uh, not really, no.

What were we supposed to do, just not see each other?

Yeah, I mean, it was already going that way, so...

But after eight months?

It felt right, okay?

- Stop! - Well, I hope this

premature step in your relationship

rains health and happiness upon you both.

It was bound to happen eventually, so why wait?

- Right, babe? - Yeah. I just said yes, Babe.

Yeah, I'm gonna vomit it we "babe" again,

so I'm going to join back in my room.

- Okay, babe. - Later, babe.

I hate you.

So sorry, I am still

so bad at opening wine.

Okay.

What did I miss?

Ooh, is that a decanter?

Yeah, my parents,

they got me into it.

- I'm kind of loving it. - Fancy.

Gotta let the wine breathe, man.

- Adam! - Oh, god, Adam's here.

Whoa!

Adam, could you please stop?

You're gonna give me vertigo.

What?

I can't hear you up here!

We're going so fast!

Yes, ha-ha-ha, very funny.

- Why? - I'm sorry, what?

I can't hear you-- the waves on the beach are, uh,

drowning you out while I enjoy my piña colada.

What is this accent?

- So much energy. - Hold on.

I just wanted to say thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

I will now begin my three-part Power Point

on the psychosomatic effects of a nonexistent sore throat

during a pandemic.

I'm pretty sure I had it back in January.

Well, we already knew you were infected, Annie.

You've had cooties since you were born.

Oh, wow, I mean, you must be relieved

you weren't the only one dumb enough to drink bleach.

You must be so proud to be sleeping

with such a distinguished gentleman.

Your dad really is amazing.

No.

- No! - Okay, you know what?

She did it, she did it!

That's not funny, okay? It's too far.

Okay, okay, okay, for the record,

if anyone's thinking, I'm not sleeping with him,

or his dad.

Never.

Okay, no one asked. - "Never."

Props, props, that was good, that was a good one.

- Never. - Wait, wait, who's doing this?

What's happening?

Adam, Adam.

It's not me! It's not me!

I swear.

Oh, okay, looks like it's...

Ah! You found me!

What the hell?

- How'd you do that, man? - Brian!

Dude, they use, um,

back-end encryption, so I just join through

the front door and just hide real quick.

That's super creepy.

No, that's actually super technology, right there.

- Are you home? - I wish.

Are your parents still treating you

like you're back in high school?

Oh, absolutely, at least back then

I was allowed out before curfew.

Wow, so nothing's changed.

Hey, is anyone else not wearing pants?

Oh, yeah, I've been living in my sweats.

Uh, babe, I don't think that's what he meant.

Check these bad boys out-- boom!

- No way. - Oh, wow.

Look at these things.

I do not need to see that.

Dude, you are looking good!

Looks like someone's not missed one leg day.

Oh, no, I've been known to partake

in a squat or two.

Well, I couldn't tell.

At least you're having a fun quarantine.

Nice.

You guys, Jacob totally one-upped you on Saturday.

- Okay, do we have to? - Oh, did we, now?

Oh, somebody forgot that we had a Zoom call with my parents.

It was performance art.

Okay, whatever.

So I logged on to the call,

and all day he'd been going like full birthday-suit,

and then it got a little chilly, so he put on a cardigan,

but like, just a cardigan.

And so I like log onto the call and this one walks in,

going, like, full Winnie the Pooh.

- Dude! - No! And was it chilly?

Magic Mike over here!

I am so proud of you, buddy.

They probably didn't even see, it's fine.

You wish. They totally did.

Whatever, whatever Believe what you want, okay?

Okay, for real, though, how's everybody doing?

Uh, well, I too exposed myself to Becca's parents

over the weekend, and it went great, as well.

I mean, to me they said it really wasn't that impressive,

but that's okay. Can someone please mute him?

I'm done.

- Adam. - Annie, did you get fired yet?

I mean, I wish.

But now everything's fully remote, which is brutal.

And everyone wants to have meetings about meetings.

- Hmm. - And we aren't doing

paper ads anymore, so really it's kind of pointless.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Did anyone else end up going home?

Eh, that doesn't count.

- What do you mean? - Your parents live here.

Yeah.

Yeah, but still, technically.

And then obviously Sam did, too, so.

I would have been home, but...

We found the perfect place.

I wish I home.

Yo, are we actually gonna pull this off,

or did someone spoil the surprise?

I almost did, but I caught myself.

- I would never. - So you think.

Okay, okay good.

She doesn't know anything, it's fine.

I haven't talked to her.

Anybody else?

Who spilled the beans? Come on.

I feel like you're looking at me, but I swear.

- We are. - Lips sealed.

- We definitely are. - It would be you.

Hey, I'm actually kind of impressed.

- Good job, guys. - Nice.

I will send off her text now,

I've got it all drafted, link included.

So give me a moment.

All right, it is in.

Ooh, she's typing, okay.

And...

She's coming, come on!

Okay, everybody hide. Hide, hide, hide, hide.

Who farted?

- Shh! Be quiet. - Oh my god.

- Mute him. - Shh!

Guys, please!

I'm sorry, I'm quiet, I'm quiet.

Um, my bad, I think I might've joined the wrong--

Surprise!

Oh, my god, are you kidding?

Holy shit!

Well played, Katy.

Impressive, huh?

Chees, guv'nah.

How you feeling, birthday girl?

Yeah, did anyone ruin the surprise for you?

No, Katy told me it was just gonna be us.

Honestly, pretty convincing.

- Yes! - Yo, so we down

for a game night, or what?

I want to say yes, but I promised my parents that I'd--

Oh, no, I already told them.

- So they were just... - Yeah, full on.

Guys!

Wait, before we play any games, we have to know.

How're you doing?

Yeah, I miss your face.

We need an update.

I'm doing all right.

Missing everyone.

But, uh, good to be back home.

Hey, what's the weirdest thing

you've picked up during quarantine?

- Most embarrassing. Be honest. - Yeah.

I don't know, uh...

Besides, like, servicing yourself--

- Guilty. - We've been doing puzzles.

Yes. Lots of puzzles.

Ooh. What is that? Noah's Ark?

- Yes, it is. - Yes.

We keep ordering Biblical ones,

they're like the only ones that get here on time.

I've gotten really into candles.

Like making them?

God, no, that's a lot of work. Just ordering them.

Oh, well, that's less cool.

Let her live.

They smell great.

I've been live streaming a new chapter

of Lemony Snicket's

"A Series of Unfortunate Events" every night.

Thank you, Katy, my only regular.

Yes, it's true.

Does all the voices, I like it.

Yeah, honestly, I tuned in once.

I tried to keep my heckling down to a minimum, but yo,

pretty amazing dude.

Hey. Thank you.

That honestly, that means a ton.

I-I am a genius, right?

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, calm down. - Watch out, Jim Dale.

Don't boost his ego, Brian.

All right, Sam, will you tell us about your day, please?

Ah, it's been really nice.

A lot of FaceTimes with relatives.

I feel like I'm living my whole life long distance.

You could come back to the apartment with me.

I will hop in my car right now,

- you just say the word. - Ah, I wish.

But I really am starting to enjoy the space here.

Remember backyards?

- Oh, yes, backyards. - Ah, backyards.

That is fair, that is fair.

I mean, you could've stayed at the apartment.

No, no, no, no, no.

Quarantining alone is like a death sentence.

Yeah, I'm literally turning into like Joe Erotic over here.

Yo, am I going to be the only one starting on the libations,

or are you guys gonna make me drink alone?

- Oh, no, no, no. - We got you on that.

- You got it, baby? - Yep.

- Thank you. - Yes.

I'm back.

Cheers!

- Cheers! - Cheers, mate.

Cheers, guv'nah!

- You've got it. - Thank you for the cheers.

Wow, look what the cat dragged in.

Better late than never.

- Am I in the chat? - Oh, my God!

Hi! Sorry! Ah, Sam, I'm the worst.

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday, dear Sam, happy birthday ♪

I was getting groceries for my grandma,

the lines were so long, I had, like,

15 pairs of gloves on, but I'm here, so, hi!

Ugh, you're the best.

Sorry, I just have to jump on another one,

I have this, like, other birthday

and this art gallery, and my cousin's virtual bris,

which is really beautiful, but kinda weird.

Incredible.

I know, I know, I'm so annoying,

I'm always doing everything.

- Just go! - All right, all right!

Happy birthday, beautiful.

All right, love you.

- You guys are crazy. - Bye!

- Damn. - What's wrong?

- No, I just-- I had a thought. - What's up?

I wish that we would have caught, like,

Sam's face when we, you know, surprised her.

Hmm, hard agree.

Yeah, so, I just don't want to miss

any more moments like that,

just in case we forget, or something.

- We're not going to forget. - Yeah.

No, I know, I was just thinking that this might be

like a cool thing to record.

All right, a time capsule. I like it.

Birthday girl agrees.

Are we all-- are we all cool?

- We good? We into it? - Do it.

- Yeah, sure. - Yeah!

Yes! All right, I promise you this is not gonna be creepy.

One second.

And...

Well, to set the scene.

Welcome to Sam's Virtual Birthday extravaganza,

future people of the world.

Okay, Sam. So many questions.

All right, yes?

Yeah, we gotta play Hot Seat.

- Who do you like? - Funny.

Which one of your parents do you like the most?

Cindy?

- Obvious choice. - I would have gone

- with Barry. - Same!

What is your dream birthday gift?

To be able to see all of you guys in person.

- Oh! - Aw...

Lies are still flattering.

Okay, what's the funniest thing

that you caught yourself doing?

- Narrating my everyday life. - Yeah.

Hmm, what's the last book you read?

- "Becoming". - Ooh.

Okay, Sam, honest answer here.

Have you broken quarantine at all?

Maybe.

- Wait-- what? - Spill.

- There she is. - Uh, who have you seen?

Don't tell us you've been good.

No, no, no, no.

I've been... pretty good.

Okay, that was a hesitation.

- There was hesitation. - Okay.

Yeah, definite hesitation.

Okay, I literally didn't leave my house

for the first two weeks, like, at all.

But-- what's after the "but"?

I mean, I had to.

He said he was isolating too.

Wait-- a boy?

- She had to! - Oh, my.

Are you serious?

We've been talking since, like,

the beginning of March.

We were supposed to get drinks the week

everything shut down, so it's been, like, a month,

and then, eventually, we were just like...

- Fuck it. - Mmm! Mmm-mmm.

But he's been good, too, obviously,

otherwise I wouldn't have...

Okay, wait, did you bring him to your parents' house?

Oh, definitely not. It's only been a couple times.

It's not like we've moved in together, or anything.

Jacob and Becca.

Oh, my god, I'm so sorry, it's not Covid,

don't worry, don't worry, don't worry.

No, but we haven't seen anyone else.

Okay, good.

Don't be bringing Covid to Barry and Cindy.

- I'm serious. - No, don't worry, I haven't.

Really, I think I'm fine.

Uh, let's see some visual evidence, please.

- Yes, visuals. - Oh, yes,

we must objectify the hell out of him.

All right, all right, calm down.

Bring it on. Fire it up.

Yeah, don't filter it, either.

- Calm down. - I think I can speak

for everyone when I say we want a dick pic.

Yes, can you send it to me personally?

We want dick! We want dick!

Okay, all right, okay.

- Aw... - Sam!

Sam!

He does look like a dick, but that is not his dick.

Stop it! This...

- Okay! - He's all right.

Oh, yeah, definitely a douchebag.

Yes!

All right, all right.

You're making me feel fat.

- He's really cute. - Oh... okay.

Thank you, thank you.

We were serious about the dick pic thing,

you send it privately.

Oh, stop it.

I'll message it to you.

Sam...

Yeah, what's up?

Could you maybe go check your front door for us?

Uh, why? Who's there?

No one, just, uh, trust us.

So I'm just opening the door for no one?

Will you please just go check?

I can't tell if this is a joke.

It's not.

Come on, we wouldn't steer you wrong.

No, it's not weird, I promise.

Hey, Jacob might steer you wrong, okay?

- But I would never. - Zip it, bucko.

Just don't be singing when I come back.

No promises.

Okay, now I'm curious.

We just Post-Mated cupcakes to her parents' house.

Aw, I would have baked something.

Oh, my god, we should have done a stripper.

I wonder if there's like, Covid-approved lap dances.

It is 2020.

Stripper in a hazmat.

I just wish the market had some flour,

- I would have made something. - It's fine, it's fine,

the cupcakes can just be from all of us.

Just maybe send us a Venmo or something.

- Yeah. - For sure.

Hey, hey, hey, I don't care what she says, though,

we need top be singing when she gets back.

Yes, yes, yes! Let's all get our candles, okay?

- Ooh, yes! - Oh, genius.

- We have some candles, right? - Yeah.

Stop, stop.

Ah, if I knock over my wine, I will cry.

And you guys definitely think that she was surprised?

- Yes, she was surprised. - All right.

It says they were delivered.

- Lemme see. - Two minutes ago. Look.

Hmm, weird.

Oh, my god, please stop

with that face, it's terrifying.

Don't-- no, no, don't do that. Never that.

When she comes back, you need to be making

the most excited face you can think of.

And you think that's it?

That's terrifying.

Oh, my god, no!

What was that? Never do that.

I'm gonna blow out my candle.

My room smells... amazing.

Annie, you like kind of like a witch, no offense.

Sabrina.

I mean it's a compliment, if anything.

Okay, uh, to our future selves,

you can just feel free to fast-forward past this part.

Yeah, where's she at?

I mean, her parents' house is not that big.

I don't get what's happening.

Maybe she left us for her parents.

Possibilities.

Where is she?

God knows I would. Cindy!

Hey, I gotta pee.

I will be right back.

- Okay great. - She's gonna be back on

- in a second. - Seriously, fine.

Just, just really quickly, I promise,

- I'll be back, I'll be back. - Just go, just go.

Hurry up.

- Damn, Adam. - He's gonna miss it.

It's fine.

- Bro! - You're the worst.

- Oh, you suck. - You are the worst, honestly.

Dude, seriously?

You made me blow out one of my favorite candles.

- The worst at what? - Everything, pretty much.

Why do you have that?

Clearly not the worst at scaring you,

'cause holy shit, you should've seen your face.

In fact, you will see your faces

when we watch this back!

- I'm cutting it. - That was priceless.

We're cutting you out of the tape.

Definitely cutting that out.

Uh... where is Sam?

Yeah, for real.

Maybe her screen is, like, frozen?

No, I highly doubt that.

Where is she?

No way!

Careful, Bare!

- Hey, Barry. - Hey, kiddo!

Hey, sorry, you caught us right in the middle of--

- I know, sorry. - Cindy!

- Yeah, hold on. - Come and look!

Yeah, let me just drop this-- I'll be right there!

No, no, no, no, come look who's here!

What? Just a second!

Sorry, we're on her schedule these days,

in case you couldn't tell.

I still can't hear you, hun!

Uh, I'm just offering to top you off.

Where's the fire?

Here we go-- no! Okay!

Oh, my gosh, Katy! Why didn't you tell me?

Hi Cindy, good to see you.

- How are you? - Oh, good.

Hey, hey, hey, are you hungry?

Come over this way...

Oh, Bare, she doesn't care.

Hey, thanks so much for organizing this.

- Absolutely. - And for the invite.

You really didn't have to,

but we're happy you did.

You guys get her good?

Yes, we sure did.

Except she just left and hasn't come back on yet.

Oh, probably just computer trouble.

- Yeah, I'm sorry, sweetie. - No, it's no stress.

Uh, actually, do you know if she got her cupcakes?

Oh...

You mean these pretty little ladies?

Yeah, the doorbell rang just,

I dunno, five minutes ago?

Yep, they were just sitting there on the porch.

- There they are. Yes! - I gotta tell you.

I do love me some red velvet.

Yeah, we tried to call her so we could drop them off

for you guys, but she didn't pick up.

You don't need to drop them off,

she just went down to get them.

- Did you text? - Yeah, just did.

I'm sorry, what was that, Katy?

Well, wasn't she just upstairs?

Uh, kiddo, she's at your apartment.

Are-- are you sure?

We were just on the phone with her, and

she was definitely at your house.

I don't know how that's possible.

I'm so sorry to do this to you guys, would you--

could you just take a quick look upstairs, for me?

- What for? - We'd be happy to.

Thank you, sorry.

But she's been at your guys' place.

- Yeah, all week. - Oh, weird.

Um, all right.

Then don't worry about it.

Didn't want to bother you or anything.

No! You are not bothering us.

We will go check, if it'll make you feel better, okay?

Okay. Thank you.

Yeah, you know, we thought it was a little odd, too.

Her going to an empty apartment all by herself.

But you know, she's a big girl.

Older than I was when I had her.

Shh.

What gave you the sense that she was here?

Well, that's what she just said,

and then, uh, when we surprised her and she went down

to get the cupcakes, she kind of just left.

- Left? - Yeah, and she hasn't

come back on, so.

- Just checking on her. - Oh.

Yeah, I'm sure it's just her computer.

Birthday girl!

Hello?

Are you in here, pumpkin?

Yeah, see?

She's not here.

Yeah, are you sure she wasn't somewhere else?

Uh, yeah.

Yeah, pretty sure.

- Weird. - Um...

And you guys haven't talked to her at all or...

Well, we talked to her this morning,

- to wish her a happy birthday. - Yeah, and you texted.

Did she seem okay?

She seemed fine.

Okay.

Wait, am I missing something?

Why did you think she was here?

Damn it, Adam.

Adam, please.

Has anyone been able to get through?

Still nothing.

Same.

This is so annoying.

Where the hell is she?

I mean, apparently not at her parents'.

Which means?

I mean, that is a hundred percent her room

at her parents.

I'm sure she's just messing with us.

Or maybe she fell.

- She's a geriatric. - Babe?

I mean, think about it.

We are thinking about it, and it's still not adding up.

Wait, wait, guys.

Look.

Yo, I think she might have been lying.

- What the fuck? - Why?

Yeah, why would she want us to think

she's at her parents' house?

Well, her parents said that she was at our apartment.

There's no way.

She would have told us, though, right?

Unless she didn't want me to know.

Why?

I mean, she said that she was staying at her parents' house.

So why would I have gone home

if she was staying there?

I mean, we would have just quarantined together.

- Shit. - Yeah.

And think about it, she thought it was just gonna be

me and her tonight, so.

Babe, what are you doing?

Going over.

You think that's necessary?

Yeah, dude, she might just be being weird

because she doesn't want Katy to be mad.

Wait, do you want me to come?

No, no, I'm just gonna check on her.

If her parents said she was at her apartment,

- then she's gotta be there. - Are you sure?

Yeah, it's gonna be, like, five minutes,

she's right up the street, it's fine.

I can seriously come.

No, just stay here with everybody, okay?

I'll be back in five minutes, no problem.

- Plus, I got protection. - Ha-ha.

All right, well, tell her I'm mad at her.

I really think I should come.

Just let her go.

She's a grown woman, she'll speed it up.

- Thank you. - Yeah, I mean, technically,

we should be limiting the amount of people

- over there anyway, right? - Yeah.

Katy, it shouldn't be that hard to break in, right?

No, I got you.

Cool. Oh, yeah, lemme get you up here.

Yo.

- Oh. - Great.

- Awesome. - All right,

let's do this.

We're doing it live, let's go.

If she's pooping, film her through the door.

Got it.

- Don't crash. - Mm-kay.

In 500 meters, turn right.

Needy bitch.

Look, everything's going to be fine, okay?

He's gonna get there, and he's probably gonna find out

that she slipped on the toilet.

Slipped on the toilet.

You will arrive at your destination in 100 feet.

Come on, you don't remember?

Henry Markinson.

Trying to jump off the toilet, he slipped, broke his foot?

Literally no one remembers that.

How?

Oh, come on, Brian remembers, he was our running back.

- You know, I don't. - Oh, my god.

How do you not remember?

It's like one of the best stories from high school.

- Nah. - You have reached

your destination.

Oh, go ahead and just park in the structure,

there's like a little driveway.

- Oh, I see it. - Cool.

Do you guys see the call-box?

- Uh, yeah. - Cool.

Let me know when you're ready for the code.

All right, I'm ready.

Uh, one, two, one, nine.

Writing that down.

- Shut up. - Voila.

Oh, and then the visitor parking straight ahead.

Second on your right.

Got it.

I'm in.

And I'm getting so many emails done.

- Productive. - Yeah, I have a job.

Hey, you're going up, by the way.

Would you shut up?

You're welcome.

Yeah, it is the first floor.

'kay.

- Ugh. - Yeah, getting that

cottage cheese smell, huh?

- Yeah, it hits hard. - Yeah, pungent.

Annie, they could really use some of your candles.

Hey, don't knock it till you try it.

Yo, let us know if you need anything, Jakey.

Yeah, yeah, let us know if you need anything,

we'll break quarantine just to come save your ass,

- right, Brian? Is that-- - Muted. Okay.

- Thanks for that. - First apartment

- on your right. - All right, I'm here.

Uh, the key is under the mat.

- Okay. - Yeah.

Uh... no, it's not.

Well, 'cause it's taped to the bottom.

Oh, there it is.

Is that really a thing?

- Smart. - I don't know.

Oh, also just make sure to put it back

when you're done, please.

Yeah, no problem.

Unmute me!

All right, I'm goin' in.

Sam?

Sam, you here?

Sam.

Hello?

Hey, it's Jakey.

Just making sure you're okay.

Yo, she's gotta be there, the lights are on.

Huh.

Doesn't look like she's here.

Sam?

Hey, I'm sorry, what the--?

Jacob?

What-- shit-- guys.

Yo, Jake!

- No, stop, Jacob! - Jake, who's there?

Jacob!

- Jake, what's going on? - Jake?

Babe?

- Oh, god. - I knew it!

Idiot! Damn it, that's not funny.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

That's so messed up.

I just couldn't help myself.

- Asshole. - That shit is annoying.

Just call me Blair Witch.

More like Blair Bitch, hey-yo!

I can't wait till the boy who cried wolf hits you.

Yeah, really?

All right, I'm fine, I'm fine.

What the hell?

Sam!

Hey, I'm down here!

Yeah, stop messing around, Sam.

For the love of God.

- Hello? - Yo, who did that?

He's setting the mood.

Shh, hold on.

What?

Yeah, it doesn't look like she's here, guys.

Sam?

Yo, you sure it wasn't on before?

No, definitely not.

- What's it playing? - Who cares?

Like, literally why is that the question you're asking?

I care, sourpuss.

Shh!

What the-- Stop! Get off!

- Oh, my god. - The sequel!

Wasn't funny the first time.

Wow, Jake, somehow the sequel was even better

- than the original. - Yes.

Did you plan this pull bullshit out with him too, Adam?

Come on, give him the applause he wants.

All right, babe, very nice.

No. Boo.

Encore!

Give us a third!

Yo, Jake, come on, dude, we need to find Sam.

Literally, he had one job,

and he volunteered for it.

Babe?

Babe?

Come on!

You're lucky I cleaned my floors.

Babe.

I really feel like the "babes" are undercutting this.

- Annie. - Babe.

His commitment.

Jacob.

I am sure that it's fine.

I'm not.

Yeah, I'm not so sure either.

Wait, guys, look.

He very clearly does not have his phone.

- I'm going over. - No, wait, hold on.

- Why? - Okay, I've been looking

at this recording and...

All right, can you guys see this okay?

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Okay, so everyone,

mute yourselves real quick.

All right.

Hey, Jacob might steer you wrong, okay?

- But I would never. - Zip it, Bucko.

Just don't be singing when I come back.

No promises.

Stop!

What are you doing to me?

Holy shit.

- Yeah, that was really weird. - Yeah.

Who else could've been there?

Maybe she was talking to herself.

Okay, is there any world in which

this is like a gas leak, or something?

She looked light-headed.

A gas leak? Ooh.

No, she was clearly talking to someone.

I mean, that doesn't always mean--

Okay, you know what? I'm going.

Uh, well, are you sure that's a good idea?

I mean, if Jacob's there, too, I just,

I'm sorry, I just, I... have to go check, okay?

- I'll be fine. - Right, right, 'cause love

- conquers all, right? - In that case,

- she'll definitely be fine. - I'll be right back.

Be careful.

I hope she knows she's walking directly into Jake's trap.

'cause you set it with him?

Well, I mean, honestly, someone had to go, so.

Should we, like, call the police?

No!

Oh, my god, what would we report?

Our friend's taking a nap?

God, there's nothing to call for.

Yeah, they don't help. Don't call them.

Okay, seriously, it'll be fine.

You know what "fine" stands for?

Yes, Adam, we've all seen "The Italian Job."

I feel like I'll see what's up when I get there.

Agree.

I also agree.

Everyone on this call is just, like, freaking out.

Adam.

It's crazy how clear the roads are.

Yeah.

It's literally just me and Post Mates out here.

Oh, great.

Yeah, this is the first time in my life

I've actually been certifiably chubby.

First time, bro?

- Oh, Adam... - Check this.

...you're not chubby.

Ha!

Wow!

I feel like I'm in Kiss.

Okay.

Jacob's car is still here.

What about Sam's?

Uh, let me check.

Yeah, um...

I think this is hers.

Oh, the Jeep, right?

Yeah, yeah, that's hers.

Well, she's definitely there, then.

Or was.

Brian! She is not dead.

Guys, it's all good.

Freaking hope not.

I swear, if he's...

playing a joke on us, I'm gonna freak out.

I'm gonna be so pissed,

- like, honestly. - So mad.

Please be careful.

I'm fine.

Jacob?

Babe?

Didn't we just do this?

Babe?

Sam?

Babe?

Sammy?

Guys?

Hello?

Yo, what was that?

No idea.

I mean, the walls are pretty thin.

Exactly.

Yo, whoever is there, just come out.

This is so creepy.

It's not creepy.

Just--

Don't make me mute you, okay?

My bad.

Guys!

Seriously, babe, what's going on?

I really don't think we should "babe" here.

Annie, please.

Yeah, Annie, please.

Sam?

Guys!

Hey, can somebody call her phone again?

Yeah, I'm on it.

Why are we calling her phone?

I mean, we've done that, like, six billion times.

Shh, hold on, hold on.

Yeah, it's ringing.

Okay.

I mean, what do we really think

calling her phone again is gonna do?

- I mean, I don't wanna be... - It's still ringing.

...the Debby Downer... - Can you hear it?

Not with all you guys talking.

Sorry.

I think I hear it. Hold on.

That's weird.

I mean, why would you leave her phone here?

I mean, maybe she just dropped it.

No, she would have came back for it.

- Yeah, I guess. - Good point, Dr. Holmes.

Okay, bro.

Okay, do you smell gas?

- No. - I got your ga--

Thank you.

- What was that? - Shh!

Fuck, fuck, fuck...

Bex?

Yo, what is going on?

Someone's here.

What?

There's somebody here.

- Holy shit. - Shit.

Okay, well, whatever you do, just don't log off, okay?

Yeah, yeah, stay on the phone, Becca.

Becca, listen to me, okay? Just don't log off.

Okay. Okay.

- Jesus. - Shit.

- Guys. - What? What?

What just happened?

Oh, my god.

I mean, there's clearly no one in there.

- Bex, we can't see you. - We're talking about

- what's clearly happening. - I can't see anything.

- What is happening? - Becca, please tell us

- that you're okay. - Are you kidding me?

- Can you stop? - Will you shush?

The door closed.

Okay, guys, guys, she can't hear us,

so just shut up and just listen.

Yes, Adam, just, okay.

Thank you.

God, that is stressful.

He's coming.

- What? - Shh.

I'm in the bathroom.

Oh, my god.

It's um... it's a guy.

He's shorter than Adam and less muscle-y.

Like Jake.

I'm going to cut your dick off if you don't

- shut the fuck up. - I'm going to send you both

- out of this chat. - He's, he's wearing

pants, black pants-- black sweats.

Okay, what else, what else?

Uh... a mask, a Corona mask.

Can you describe it? Like, what does it look like?

That's specific.

I don't know. I don't know.

Oh, shit.

Is that him?

Brian.

Oh, my god.

Holy shit.

Becca? Becca, can you hear us?

Oh, my gosh!

That was so scary! Holy shit.

- Guys, guys, please come out. - Jake. Good job, man.

Good job, man.

- Shit. - That look real.

No, no, no, no, no, I know Jake.

- Jake, dude. - This isn't a joke,

- this isn't a joke. - Dude, you really are like

the next, like, Ashton Kutcher.

I'm not kidding, that looked real.

That was, I mean, that was really good.

I am disgusted and sad to say this, but Adam,

I agree with you.

- Are you serious? - Guys, you all are crazy.

- Sucks to be right, right? - That was incredible...

Did you see her face, bro? She looked terrified,

- that, that was real. - I-- that's what I'm saying.

Maybe she should be an actress.

They're still not coming out! Guys, this is real.

- Y'all are crazy. Honestly. - I'm ill.

Holy shit, you guys can come out.

Oh, my.

Okay, this is unnecessary, guys.

Congratulations, you completed your bit,

but you're going to ruin your phone for no reason.

Now we're not only wasting time, we're wasting money.

Yeah, a lot of it. Those things are expensive.

- Wait, guys. - What?

Just...

What?

They can hear us through Jacob's phone.

Yeah.

- Oh. - Shh!

Adam, stop.

Oh, my god, shut up.

Oh, my god.

- Ooh. Shh-- enough!

Yeah.

Oh, my god.

We have to call the police.

Yo, can we just, like, think about this, for a second?

Yes, it's Sam, 'kay?

- Her best friend... - Best friend?

...and her boyfriend.

Yeah, they've been playing games.

I mean, there's gotta be some explanation, so.

Yeah, the explanation is the annoying couple

always gets axed first.

Shh, stop, already.

Yo, nobody's dead.

Which is why I think it's a prank.

Yo, where you going?

Did you guys hear that?

Oh, my god, you guys,

there's someone in here.

There's some-- I think the guy that took them...

- You are such an ass. - ...is coming for me next.

You are such an ass.

Ahh!

Hello? Hi. Hi.

Yes, um, I need to, um, report three missing people.

"I have your friends."

Our friends, they, um...

I'm not exactly sure what happened to them.

What leads you to believe they're missing?

Um, so our friend, Sam, she was over at our apartment,

she never came back online, and we think maybe

- someone else was-- - Is anyone there with her?

Uh, I don't know.

Did you see something happen to her?

Uh, no, but we think we were able to hear it.

- All right. - Yeah, and so then we sent

two of our other friends over to go check on her,

and one of them we're pretty sure was attacked

and now none of them are answering their phones.

And how long ago was this?

I don't know, like, like, maybe an hour or so?

- An hour? - Yeah, yeah,

and then the other two went over

and now one of their phones is in the bathtub.

I'm sorry, what?

Wh-- she was attacked in the bathroom.

Look, I know it sounds insane

and like, it could be a prank, but we're pretty sure

- they were kidnapped. - Okay, ma'am,

there's no need to jump to those conclusions.

No, we are jumping to conclusions, we saw it.

So you did see the assailant?

Yes, yes, correct.

Okay.

And what did they look like?

We couldn't really make out their face.

Well, you said it yourself, it could be a prank.

Oh, my god.

- No. - Okay, look,

if it's only been an hour,

I'd suggest you give it a sec.

No, I don't want to give it a sec.

How about you give us a call back in a few hours

if they still haven't turned up.

I'm sorry, a few hours? No, I'm not doing that.

I have a feeling you probably won't need to.

Just a hunch.

Oh, my god.

Useless.

Yeah, you've got to be kidding me.

Useless.

I gotta be real, though,

- I still think it's a prank. - You're a prank.

Yo, should we all just, like, go then?

No, no, that's not smart.

Well, what else are we gonna do? Send Adam?

- What did I ever do to you? - What haven't you done?

Will you guys take this seriously

just for, like, a second?

Dude, I just wish someone would have been there with her.

- I thought she'd left! - That wasn't directed at you.

Okay, well, it kind of sounded like it was.

I mean, if it was, he has a point.

No, I'm just saying, I mean, maybe if you weren't

at home, safe in the nest, maybe we wouldn't be--

Do you think I would have left if I thought she wasn't

- going home first? - Okay, all right, whatever.

Listen, you guys are overreacting.

Okay, Adam, then where are they?

Yeah, bro, what? You think they're safe?

Never mind, forget I said anything.

He's the one who blamed it on you.

What's up, losers?

Wait-- Robert, what are you...?

Uh... Happy birthday, Sam?

Wow.

She's not here right now.

What's going on?

- Oh, Jesus. - You tell us!

Did you and Jacob plan this?

I actually have no idea what you're talking about.

- Sure. - Are you kidding me?

Really, guys? Leave him alone.

Uh...

- What's the deal, Katy? - This isn't funny anymore,

Robert, just tell us what's happening.

- Are you serious? - Dude, dude, dude.

I'm going to freaking kill you if you do not shut up.

- Annie, Annie, I-- - Just stop!

Just tell us the truth! This is crazy!

- Guys. - What is it now?

All right, well, uh, I'm gonna go.

- Wow. - Are you serious?

Wish Sam a happy birthday for me.

- Wow. - No!

What the fuck?

Hold on, I'm going to Facetime him.

- Why? - Shut up, Adam!

Ugh, he's not answering. It's so sketchy.

Or, I don't know,

maybe he just doesn't know what you're talking about.

Wait, he just texted me.

Lemme ask him.

Ask him what?

If he has Sam!

Robert? Okay, I mean, he's always

had a thing for her, but there's no way he'd, like, kidnap her.

Ugh! Just give me a second.

Guys, where does Robert live?

- Why? - Just tell me.

Uh... I'm pretty sure he got rid of his place

and moved back home to his parents at the start of this.

But, again, why?

Ugh, it's not him, guys. He's back home.

Yeah, no shit.

We're all supposed to be "safer at home,"

so she should have just stayed home,

or at least been honest about where she was.

Well, there's no use in getting mad at her now.

I know, but like, Jesus.

Oh, Bri, that looks like a recipe for disaster.

To each his own.

What do we do? Do we just keep calling them?

- No, I mean... - Actually, yes.

...we've called them so many times,

- what's it gonna do? - I got Becca.

- Call again. - I'm trying.

Hello, Becca?

Have you made it to Atlantis yet?

- Okay, I'm actually calling. - Is it amazing?

Adam, if you're not going to help, just go, okay?

You have the power to mute him.

Okay, don't mute me, I have something serious to say, okay?

Something I found very fishy.

- What? - It's a pun, but I actually

- am being serious. - What, Adam, what?

No one ever made it to Sam's room.

- So? - Come on, like,

they got stopped in the bathroom,

- in the hallway... - Right, so what?

And we haven't seen anything on Sam's camera.

Yeah, 'cause there's a background.

No, no, he's right.

Like, if, if there was movement,

like Becca coming in, then we would have seen that.

- Oh, really? - Thank you.

Doesn't that seem a bit weird to anyone else?

Maybe a little bit deliberate?

Screw it.

Where are you going?

One more can't hurt.

Seriously?

We wanna see what's in Sam's room, right?

So I'll go to Sam's room,

and then we'll figure it out, and then we can all...

- Annie. - ...calm down because

this is getting ridiculous.

No, Annie, that is a terrible idea.

Hey, let her go.

No, Annie, are you sure

this is a good idea?

No, of course it's not a good idea.

But what other option do we have?

Look, I'm going to get there, and they're going to be like,

under the bed, laughing about

how lame we are that we believed their dumb-ass little joke.

What? Annie, Annie, no.

- That's-- no. - Oh, my god,

are you gonna stop me?

Annie, please.

Listen, if I die,

Brian will play back the game-tape at my funeral

and you all can give me a fire

celebration of life, that's what I want, okay...

No, joke like that, Annie, seriously?

- Burn. - That's not a burn, either.

Why are you still opposed to me going?

We know that they love escape rooms and, you know,

since they're deprived of it right now,

they're probably just throwing on a little skit for us,

having a little fun, so...

Peace, hoes.

Wait, wait, Annie.

Annie, one last thing.

Um, in case you're wrong, right,

and you do get brutally murdered,

I wanted to be the one that said

it was a pleasure knowing you,

and good-bye.

Touching.

Can't say I feel the same.

Annie, please, I have a really bad feeling about this.

Stop me, I dare you.

Oh, wow.

Hey, leave the door open.

- Why? - I don't know, just in case.

No, yeah, I agree.

All right, sure, whatever helps you sleep at night.

The jig's up, guys!

For real, Katy called the police, so whatever

little bullshit game of sardines you're playing,

it's not funny and this is getting ridiculous.

Do you guys not realize how serious this has gotten?

Sam? Becca?

Jakey?

- Yo. - Oh, cool.

So now you want to scare me.

Yeah, I mean, I...

hate to break it to you guys, but

early Halloween scares are for pussies.

No, no, no, Annie, something just...

Something just moved across Jacob's phone.

What was that?

Not sure, but I'll check.

Oh, cool.

- The door is closed? - Wow.

You are so glad to see me,

you don't want me to leave.

How sweet.

Uh, Annie?

Yeah, I'm heading up to her bedroom.

Well, are you sure that's them?

C your T's, everyone.

C our T's?

Calm your tits, we're fine.

Very mature, Annie.

Dude, you are something.

- Wait, did you see that? - See what?

Something definitely moved across

Jacob's screen again, I'm telling you.

Yeah, well, that's what I get

for leaving the door open, maybe a varmint got in.

A varmint?

No, guys, I'm serious.

Hello?

Yo, why don't you just check in her bedroom?

Patience! I literally just got up here, so.

Hmm.

I think I hear someone in there.

What?

What?

Nothing, I... I just...

Whatever, I'm going.

Please be careful.

Thanks, mom.

There's no one here.

You said you heard someone.

Yeah, I thought I did, but...

See?

All right, well,

there you are.

Oh, shit!

It is us!

- You hear that echo? - Oh, my god.

Echo...

- Can you shut up? - That's hilarious, bro.

Sorry, sorry, I'm a little stoned.

Yeah, I mean, this is the background

of her childhood bedroom,

but we are most certainly in her apartment, so.

At least we know she was there.

Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, I don't really know

what to tell you guys. There's no one here.

- So what, they all left? - Check under the bed.

Oh, god, you watch too many horror movies.

No, just do it.

- Please. - Fine.

Get on my knees here, real quick.

- Seriously? - Favorite past-time.

- Whoa! - Wow! Happy?

- What the fuck is that? - It's just a shitty wig!

Why does she have that under her bed?

Mental note.

That's a dirty little secret, right there.

All right, well,

what do you want me to do? You want me to leave?

- Yes. - No, no, don't leave.

- Absolutely leave. - Guys, make a choice.

- Yes, you have to leave. - Don't leave, don't leave,

don't leave until you find them.

They all clearly left, you heard the door close.

- You absolutely should leave. - No, no, why would she leave?

- She literally just got there. - She doesn't need

- to stick around there... - Why would she stay?

No, we have to find them first.

We just walked through the whole house with her.

- The closet, the bathroom... - Guys!

They definitely would have come out by now.

Look around the apartment a little more.

Annie, please go...

Stop, stop, stop. I think I hear something-- Shh!

Why the fuck the lights on?

I'm just gonna give them a call.

- Why would you call them? - Fine.

I understand that, but we need to figure out what's going on.

Annie. Did she just put us on mute?

Annie.

Unmute us right now, this is ridiculous.

Oh, oh, yeah, sorry.

I can't, I can't hear you.

- What are you saying? - Take us off right now,

- it's not funny. - Oh, my gosh!

...dumbest thing you could

- do to yourself. - So selfish.

- Annie. - Now you know how I feel.

- Sorry. Sad. - Shut up, Adam.

...that is literally the dumbest...

Why did you tell her to stay in the first place?

She was supposed to just look around.

The sexual tension is killing me!

- No. - Oh, no!

The door, the door.

Look by the door!

Look by the door!

Let's see if she texted anyone...

Who is that?

I don't think there's anyone here.

- Annie. - I mean, um...

- Annie! - I see Adam...

Annie, Annie, Annie!

Take it off mute!

I can't change it.

- Turn around, turn around! - Annie, Annie, Annie!

- Take us off mute! - It won't let me unmute it!

All right, Katy, I'm gonna send you this number.

Annie! Annie! Annie!

Annie!

Annie! Annie!

- Hey! - What is he doing?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, stop!

Stop, stop.

- What are you doing? - Stop it!

- Stop it, you can't do that! - Stop! Stop!

Let her go, please!

Oh, my god, oh, my god.

- Where is he taking her? - Don't take her!

Stop!

Fuck!

You motherfucker!

- I'm coming for your ass. - Hey.

Hey, hey, hey.

Where did you take them?

Fuck, man, that was...

Yes, yes, we saw it this time.

You sure? Drugged and kidnapped?

Yes, we saw him do it, on video.

We have it recorded.

Okay, we're sending someone over.

Yes, thank you.

And you said it's your apartment?

Yes, correct.

Great, I'll take that address when you're ready.

I hope they're okay.

Let's be real.

We all saw what just happened to Annie.

Where is she? Huh?

Where did he take her? She could be anywhere,

she could be in the-- in the trunk of his car.

No, don't, no, don't say that, okay?

Okay, look, I get that we're scared right now,

but we need to calm down.

Don't tell me to calm down.

I wasn't. Just--

What?

Nothing.

I don't know, I just feel like

if I was at the apartment still, then none of this

- would've happened. - No, no, we're not going there,

we're not going there-- there's literally nothing

that we could've done to change this,

so there's no point dwelling on that.

That's the spirit.

Maybe now we should play a game?

Like, if anyone's down?

You're kidding, right?

There's nothing else to do, so I don't know.

Not that.

Yes, I was the one that called earlier.

Did you find our friends?

Looks like we already

- sent a car out there. - Oh, thank god.

Yeah, about a half an hour ago.

What do you mean?

We dispatched an officer who drove by,

but as it says in the system,

there was no disturbance or sign of forced entry.

We saw a guy!

I'm sorry, ma'am.

We recommend waiting until it's been about 24 hours.

I'm sure she'll turn up.

There's not much we can do about it in the meantime.

No, that doesn't make any sense.

Listen, if your friend is still missing tomorrow,

why don't you give us a call back then?

Are you kidding?

- This is ridiculous! - Oh, my god.

- I'm sure she'll turn up. - Ugh.

Wow.

Wait, guys, look.

Yo, Jake?

Jacob?

Wait, is that-- is that?

Oh, my god.

Annie?

Can she hear us?

Annie? Annie, wake up!

Annie?

Annie, can you hear us?

Oh, shit.

Annie! Annie, wake up!

What's he doing?

Oh, my god, oh my--

Hello?

- Hey! - No, stop it!

- Let her go! - What are you doing?

- Let her go! - Stop!

- Let her go! - Oh, my god.

What are you doing? No, please, don't...

Ooh!

What are you doing? Who are you calling?

Did you not just see that?

- She's clearly passed out. - Okay, well,

what else are we supposed to do?

Not that.

Wait.

What?

Hold on, hold on.

Why?

- Just... - Okay.

Shh!

Wait a second, guys.

Guys, do you have this phone number? Type it in.

4-2-4,

5-5-5, 2-9-0-0.

- No, why? - No.

Well, it's, it's what Annie texted me from Sam's computer.

- Wait, what do you mean? - When she was in Sam's room,

she texted me this number, so it could be connected.

Okay, all right, hold on, one second, second.

Just join me, real quick. Hold on.

And what is this gonna do?

Do you want to find your girlfriend, or not?

Shut up.

- She's not my girlfriend. - Shh!

- Yeah, see? - No, wait, I'm not done.

Can you really do that?

- I have in the past. - Echh.

Bang. Justin Anderson.

Los Angeles, California.

Justin motherfucking Anderson.

Ugh, why doesn't he have any of it?

Jesus.

Wait a second, haven't we seen him before?

Yeah, we just saw him when he grabbed Annie.

- So? - I don't know, I feel like--

Yeah, look.

Here.

Right there.

- Yeah, yeah, that's him. - No.

What do you mean? What are you talking about?

I don't know-- he just looks familiar from somewhere else,

- I don't know. - How can you even tell that?

He's wearing a Covid mask.

Yeah, you could literally rob a bank in that thing.

Wait, Brian, Brian, can you go back to Tinder?

Oh, yes, I'm on it.

- What? - It's Sam's boyfriend.

Didn't seem that serious.

Here you go, here you go, one second.

Oh! There he is.

There he is, that's him, that's him!

Yeah, there, there, right there.

- Damn. - How did you do that?

Oh, thank you, yes.

Yeah, see? Look.

The guy that Sam met up with is definitely

- who's behind all this. - Justin motherfucking Anderson.

Jesus Christ.

Okay, now how do we find him?

I think he's still near her place.

Wait, are you sure?

Well, no, but it's as good a guess as any.

- Okay. - Okay, and so

we need to find this guy before he...

Before what?

Before he does whatever he's gonna do, all right?

I don't know.

Fuck it.

Adam, where are you going?

Justin motherfucking Anderson.

That's not an answer, dude.

Look, I don't know, all right?

I just can't sit in front of that computer anymore.

Hey...

I think he might still be wherever he took Sam.

Which is where?

His place? I don't know!

It's gotta be close by.

Yeah, Adam, go to Sam's.

I think you're right, he might be somewhere close by.

- All right, I'm on my way. - Okay, well, can we get

some verification that he's actually going to be there?

Yeah, I'm working on it.

Yo, has anyone else seen "Don't Fuck With Cats"?

Is that some kind of "Tiger King" spinoff?

Never mind.

Right, so if we keep running these images--

What did that lady in Vegas do?

Wait, Bri, what lady in Vegas?

The one from--

Let's see if we can find something in his photos

that might help.

Help us what?

Find him.

So he's Westside?

I'm almost there.

Ah...

Moving on.

What type of thing are we looking for?

Anything. A landmark, a vacuum cleaner.

A vacuum cleaner?

God. This has to be his apartment, right?

I'm here.

Our place?

Yeah.

Let's see if this is him.

Hold on, one second, one second.

Hey, Justin!

- Oh, shit. - What?

Sorry! I didn't mean to scare you.

That was, I think, a woman.

- Only you, bro. - Well done.

Maybe there's, like, a piece of mail or something

with his address on it?

Mail?

Yeah, on the nightstand, there.

It's too pixelated.

Or maybe on this poster? Right...

What is...? Okay.

Pretty creepy, but not helpful.

Total red flag.

Okay, but what about the reflection?

Ugh. Man-child.

Don't judge.

All right.

Adam, what are you doing?

What does it look like I'm doing?

I'm going for my nightly stroll.

What are you doing, Kathleen?

Okay, enough with the sass.

Whoa, Shit! Holy shit!

Oh, my god!

Are you okay, Adam?

Nothing can touch me.

You're such an idiot.

Wait, guys, maybe this is him.

- Oh, my god. - Careful, bro.

Justin?

Okay, not him.

Okay, I'm going to go back in

and check the apartment again.

Hey, wait, Brian, will you zoom out for a sec?

Yeah. Yeah.

Okay, um, try that window.

Maybe there's something out there that can...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, uh...

Okay, yeah, what is that, what is that?

It's a... a theater marquee?

Yeah, but what theater?

I don't know, doesn't it kind of look familiar?

What, like a movie theater?

Yeah, I feel like I've seen it before.

You can recognize the top of an old building

from a profile picture?

Uh, just let me think for a sec, hold on.

Um...

Yeah, it's something that I see on my way to work.

Wait a sec, let me try this.

Try what?

What are you doing?

I'm driving to work.

Wait, what, how?

I said hold on.

Okay.

What's she doing?

Uh... Yeah, left, left.

What's going on, Katy?

If I wasn't busy, I'd mute you.

Love you too.

Hmm.

Oh. Oh, wait, wait, is... yeah.

Yeah, here it is.

Oh, my god.

Ah! That's it!

Okay, guys, um,

ready for this?

Lemme just-- yeah, okay, so,

intersection of Washington

and Duquesne.

Bang. Ooh, okay.

Okay, so should I go in?

Uh, no, no, no, no.

Washington and Duquesne.

It's Culver City, head there now.

Okay.

Let's go, Katy!

Thank you.

Oh, my god! Yes!

Hang on.

Okay, I think I'm getting close.

Oh. Oh-ho-ho.

Bingo.

For real, check it, I got bingo.

- Yo. - Oh!

- That's it. - Nice job, Adam.

How do you like them apples?

Okay, put your hands on the wheel.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I see the front door.

All right, I'm going to park.

Okay.

I am so nervous right now.

Ugh, parking. Faster.

- Okay, don't die, bro. - Be careful.

Appreciate that.

Wish me luck.

You got this.

All right, do you see anything?

Jesus, this place is huge.

How am I supposed to know which one is his?

I don't know. Look for a, like,

one of the windows where you can see the theater.

How am I supposed to know where we're going to see the theater

- from the window... - Can you see the sign still?

Okay, um...

Theater is here.

Um...

Okay.

Oh, shit.

Yo, what did you say his name was?

Justin Anderson.

Yeah, Justin motherfucking Anderson.

Wait, what are you-- what are you doing?

Looking to see if he's in the directory.

- Smart cookie. - Yeah, I like to think so.

Justin Anderson, 303, remember that.

- Nice. - Okay, um,

how you going to get in there?

Ye of little faith.

Hello?

Post-Mates.

Oh, my god.

Bang.

You're a genius.

Knew you'd like that.

Okay, um, 303.

Thank you.

Where're the stairs in this place?

They don't have an elevator?

I'm not getting Covid.

Right. Forgot about that.

Are you all right?

- You got this, bro. - Good hustle, Adam.

Yeah, you don't skip leg day, so you're good.

Fuck you.

I'm so out of shape.

Why does he have to live on the third floor?

I'm so sorry, man, the view. I don't know.

Yeah, I think we established that.

Wait, wait.

There it is.

Hello?

I don't know if he's here.

Wait, are you sure?

Wait, wait, wait, I think I hear something.

- Sam? - Mm-hmm.

Are you alone?

Oh, my god.

I'm gonna try and figure out a way in.

Shit.

Okay.

Oh!

Come on, come on.

Oh!

Sam?

Mm-mm-mmm!

Sam.

Is she okay? Sam! Go to her, go to her.

Oh, my god.

Get these...

Holy shit.

Oh, my god, Sam.

Is she hurt? Sam, are you hurt?

- Holy shit! - Careful.

Sam, are you okay?

He left.

Look around and be sure, look around.

Adam, get my hands.

Are you okay?

I don't know.

Okay, wait, if he's not there, then that means--

Hello?

- MBF? What's MBF? - Shh!

Wait, do you guys think it's...

- Justin? - Hello? Who is this?

- How did you get in here? - Yeah, what did you do

with our friends, you son of a bitch?

- Say something! - Look we're not playing around.

Either tell us who you are or get the hell out.

Now!

Hello?

- This is... - Hello?

Rebecca?

Uh... Katy?

Becca, oh, my god, yeah, it's Katy.

- Where are you guys? - Oh, my god.

Hello? Can you guys hear us?

- Yes. - Yes, yes!

Can't open the door-- can't...

Hey!

Becca, where are you guys?

Yeah, are you guys okay?

We're fine, I think.

I think we're in a closet?

- Can you hear us? - Hello?

How did you guys call us?

Um, we're on my work phone.

- What's MBF? - Mind, Body, Fitness.

Why didn't you guys call us sooner?

We just woke up, what do you ex--?

Wait, what do you mean you just woke up?

He moved us while we knocked out.

Moved you? What do you mean you were "out"?

Sam, did he drug you too?

Yeah. I passed out and then I just woke up here.

Oh, my god.

So, where is he?

Have you guys in the closet heard him,

or anyone, wherever you are?

No... or at least I don't think so.

Yeah. Where the hell are we?

Shit.

Where are you guys?

I don't know.

Trying to look around.

Oh, my god.

Wait, Katie, I think--

Wait, uh...

Hold on, we're in your closet.

Fuck.

We're definitely at your place.

Hello?

- Wait, what? - What?

Oh, shit.

Yeah, but you're not still...

That's our place.

Oh, my god.

What? How?

Oh, my god.

I'm on my way, guys.

Brian?

Hey, Brian!

He can still see us.

Oh, yes, I'm on it.

I'm almost there, guys.

We're on the way.

Shut up, asshole.

Yeah, dude, get out of here.

Yes, good call, good call.

- Okay, I'm almost there. - Okay, hurry.

Okay, I'm here!

Oh, my god.

Justin?

I'm coming in.

Justin.

Where are you?

Mom!

Sammy!

No! Hello?

Oh, oh, hey! Katy! Katy!

Can you guys hear me?

Yes!

Right here!

Wait, guys, he's blocked it with my dresser, hold on.

Here! In the closet!

Katy, where are you?

Okay, hold on.

Yes, yes.

Hurry, be careful, be careful.

Let's go!

- All right. - Let's go.

Come on.

Where is he?

Wait, Katy!

No! No!

Katy!

Please, please, unlock the door.

- Now! - Yeah, let her out.

Come on, Katy! Shit.

- I can't do that. - Why not?

- Open the door! - No, no, guys, guys.

I got this, please, just...

You brought quite the crew with you.

Yeah.

Yeah, my friends are concerned about me,

as I'm sure yours would be about you.

Shh, shh.

No.

Why not?

Justin?

Why are you doing this?

You killed that girl, didn't you?

Lured her in on the app,

left her for dead.

You're a monster.

What a psychopath.

It was too easy.

And this time, it was almost funny.

How concerned you all were.

Calling and texting one another.

Coming over to look for her.

- Freak. - I'm sorry,

were you watching us?

It was nice to be included.

Unlock the door or we're calling the police!

No, she doesn't meant that.

Listen, listen to me, Justin. Right here.

Justin, please just let me out and we will leave you alone.

Don't you get it?

I don't want to be left alone.

Justin, please.

We'll leave you alone and you'll never see us again, please!

Why won't you listen to me?

Open the door!

We've got her, you know we got Sam.

Yeah, and we're here, asshole.

I told you I'd get ya!

Then it's a good thing you tapped in.

Wait, wait, wait-- no!

Justin. Please!

- Wait, why? - Just 'cause.

That went well last time.

Okay, stop it. Just go in my room,

I'll be there in a sec.

- Famous last words. - Stop it.

Oh, my god.

Wait-- you guys!

You guys are too much.

Adam.

- So gross. - Dude, seriously?

Hey...

Happy birthday.

No, you shouldn't have.

It's from all of us.

Oh, my gosh.

I love you guys so much.

This is incredible, thank you.

Well, we love you so much.

- Yo, Adam. - What?

Dude, turn off your background.

What are you talking about?

Yeah, come on, quit it, man.

- Why are you pulling a Sam? - Hey!

I'm-- I'm not using a background.

Wait a second, is he?

Yeah, he totally is using a background.

What are you hiding?

Nothing, all right?

Why do you care if I have a background?

Look, this is about Sam, okay?

Can we not get sidetracked?

Surprise!

- Boo! - I knew it!

- I knew it! - Plot twist.

And he's still not wearing any pants.

Okay, she made me wear these.

I made you wear them?

Just a disclaimer.

- Oh, beautiful. - Ohh!

Lovely, lovely.

Okay, okay, calm down.

Yeah, what, are we in middle school?

I can't with either of you.

- Ooh... - Not this again.

Did we miss it?

No, no, you guys are right on time.

- Barry and Cindy! - Oh, good.

- Happy belated, Sammy! Mwah! - We love you, Sammy.

- Thanks, mom. - Okay, okay.

Can everyone get their candles ready?

- Yes. - We got it right here.

Light her up, honey.

I'm prepared.

Well, should we sing, or what?

- Absolutely. - Yes, hold on,

- let me get my drink. - Well, we got ours.

All right, when we're all ready,

I'm going to do a countdown, okay?

Ready.

Three, two, one.

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday, dear Sammy ♪

♪ Happy birth-- ♪

♪ ...to you ♪

Okay, you guys are going to have to help me blow these out.

Of course!

Duh.

Better wish for something good.

- Awful. - So bad.

Help me!

There we go!

Yay!

Thank you guys.

- Love you. - Happy birthday, Sam.

Happy birthday, honey.

All right, so...

What is this?

You gotta guess what's inside.

I mean, seriously, thank you guys.

This is so nice.

We had to get you something after all this.

Is this just from Katy, or is this from everybody?

Open it up and see what's inside.

- It's from all of us. - But we all pitched in.

Scene Two, update seven.

Seven.

Take... no.

Can you guys just let me know that the audio's good?

Audio's good, we checked it.

Scene nine, take 12!

Can you hear me?

Uh... wait, I gotta, I gotta roll.

Okay, five? Eight? Five.

Eight.

You were way off on that one.

So the coffee's starting to kick in, so...

It's been a long time...

Karen, that take was amazing.

I'm here, guys.

Yeah, she's fine.

Yay.

- Hey, guys! - Hi, everyone!

Yes!

Take five.

That's a wrap.

Amazing.

Congratulations, everybody.

Love you guys.

Bye, y'all.