All language subtitles for Episodes (2011) - S05E07 - Episode Seven (1080p AMZN WEB-DL x265 Ghost)_Track03

[keys clacking]

She filed
a sexual harassment suit

against the network.

I assume

you're talking about Carol.

You totally
brought this on yourself.

You took
this wonderful relationship,

and you absolutely wrecked it.

She really cared for you.

You were the first boss

that actually made her happy.

Here's to the untitled
Matt LeBlanc pilot.

He's got to have read it by now.

He's like a goldfish.

The minute we leave
his field of vision,

he forgets we exist.

[Eileen] Hi, guys.

I just heard from Roger.

- And?
- He spoke to Matt.

And?

He's passing.

When did this happen?

Right after he read it.

[whispering]
Cobb salad.

[keys clacking]

[typewriter dings]

[wind blows]

♪ quirky music ♪

♪♪♪

[gunshot]

[keys clacking]

[typewriter dings]

He passed?

He passed?

He was the one who begged us
to write his bloody show,

and he passed?

- I know.

So what do we do?

So is that even a question?

Yes, it is.

We are not just giving up.

Look, he obviously has
some issues with the script.

Maybe try and find out
what they are.

[Beverly] And how are we
supposed to do that?

He hasn't answered one text,
one email.

- So we go and talk to him.
- Oh, no.

- No, no, no.
- All right.

No need to drop an octave.

No. So long as we still have
an ounce of pride,

we're not gonna
snivel over to him--

"Oh, Matt.

How did our work fall short
of your expectations?

Please, tell us
what your needs are,

so that we can fulfill them.

Meh, meh, meh, meh."

It's worth a try.

♪ quirky music ♪

Hello.

Hey. Haven't seen
you guys in a while.

Oh, no, we're not
on the list today.

Oh, well, if you're
not on the list...

Right. Maybe
you could give

Matt's assistant,
Christina,

a call.

Sure, hang on.

- Hmm.
- Don't "hmm."

We're here.
He won't turn us away.

He's not.
It's too awkward.

- You'll see.
- Hmm.

You'll see.

You know,
you're not always right.

You're often right,
but not alway--

I'm not enjoying
this conversation.

[horn beeping]

[in Cockney accent]
Look who's here.

It's their royal
'ighnesses.

[Merc] Come here.

[laughs]

Sorry, she says it's
not a good time for him.

No. I did not see that coming.

- Not a good time for who?
- Look, he's about to do a show.

Maybe he's actually
got something--

This is Matt we're--

Would you please
stop defending him?

He's a little shit.

I always liked you.

I'm not saying
he's not a little shit.

I'm just giving him
the benefit of--

Well, don't!

He is a selfish,

hurtful, poor excuse
for a human being,

and he knows
I'll say it to his face.

The highnesses are with me.

[Merc] [laughs]

♪ quirky music ♪

[knock at door]

Yeah?

[Merc] It's me.
Got a quick question.

It's open.

What?

Uh, my question is,

is this as awkward
as I'm hoping?

Hey.

Ah, it is.

- How's it goin'?
- How's it going?

Uh, on a scale of one to ten,

I'd say it's what the fuck?

[chuckles]
Right.

The radio silence has been
a bit deafening.

Look, I got a show right now.

Could we maybe do this
a little later?

Well, that's okay.
I'll tell 'em to hold.

Have fun.

Uh, look, Roger
was supposed to call

what's-her-name and explain.

Yes, well, all we heard
is that you're passing.

Yeah, that's, well,
pretty much it.

What does that even mean,
you're passing?

You're our bloody
"co-creator."

Not to repeat myself,
but what the fuck?

Okay, obviously, you have
a problem with the script.

Obviously.

[Sean] Why didn't you
just call us?

'Cause I wanted to avoid this.

Okay, well, we're here now,

and we're grown-ups,
so we can take it.

Seriously, can we not
do this now?

No, let's.

Just tell us
what your issues are.

It...wasn't great.

Well, that was worth
45 minutes on the 405.

What about it wasn't great?

I don't know.
It was just...nyeh.

- Nyeh?
- Nyeh.

I know it's hard
to articulate...

Anything.

Any specifics
you can give us

will be really helpful.

[sighs]
Okay.

The dialogue seemed forced.

The story sounded good
when you pitched it,

but after I read it,
it felt contrived.

I couldn't empathize
with the characters.

The relationship
between Dick and his son

didn't feel organic.

There was no tension,

and I didn't care
what happened to them.

See, this is why
I didn't want to do this.

Okay, okay, well...

Um, I know it doesn't
feel like it,

but some of those things
are eminently solvable.

Yeah, remember that stupid pig?
Up at the ranch?

At a certain point,
you just got to let it die.

I'm saying we haven't
reached that point.

Our pig is still breathing.

- I don't know.
- What don't you know?

I've, uh...kind of moved on.

What does that mean?

I'm kind of doing another show.

- You're what?
- What?

- [knock at door]
- Yeah?

We're ready for you.

Thanks.

I got to go.
It's a big night.

We're bringing the llama back.

[Sean] What do you mean
you're doing another show?

Uh, yeah, the one
where I'm a hit man

in Florida with my mother.

The one you said you hated?

Well, the script
came out pretty good,

and the network's
really hot on it.

So you're already
committed to it?

Kind of.

Our bodies aren't even cold yet!

Look, it's pilot season.

They had someone else
they were talking to.

They put a clock on it.

And you didn't even
have the decency,

the human decency,
to tell us?

Because I didn't
want to do this.

That's what we have
people for!

There is a huge difference
between having people

and being people.

You have failed spectacularly
at the second one.

Okay, seriously,
can we not do this now?

[audience] Matt, Matt!
Matt! Matt!

You realize--

Hey, yeah.

[all clamoring,
camera shutters clicking]

[man] Thanks.

You realize
that you were the one

who convinced us
to leave our show?

Yes, it had its problems,
but at least we had a show.

Now we have nothing.
What are we supposed to do?

I don't know.
Go home.

You always say
you hate it here.

So now you're throwing us
out of your country?

What happened
to the gorilla?

Oh, you can keep that.
That was for you.

No, not the actual gorilla.

You were supposed
to be our gorilla.

You said you'd protect us.

I am protecting you.

If that script
went on the air,

it would've killed
your careers.

What careers?

You duplicitous lump
of fuckery!

Don't try to pretend
you're doing it for us.

- We're ready to start.
- Oh, no.

Let's give 'em
another minute or two.

Look, I wanted to love it.
I fucking wanted it to be great.

But it's not.

You know,
the truly remarkable thing

is that I didn't see
any of this coming,

given that every shitty thing
that's happened to us

since we got here
comes back to you.

Here we go.

From ruining Lyman's Boys

to getting us to leave Opposites

to fucking my wife!

[audience gasps]

[llama grunts]

The one good thing
that's come out of this

is that finally
he can see you

for who you are.

You have no loyalty.

People are disposable to you.

That you were on a show
called Friends

is so beyond ironic!

You know what?

You don't need
to play your father.

You are your father.

[keys clacking]

♪ quirky music ♪

[typewriter dings]

Okay.

I've narrowed it down
to these three.

I want something that says,
"I'm a professional,"

but also, "I'm a victim."

How about the black one
and a rape whistle?

Also it should be hot enough

that you'd believe
she went after me,

but not so hot
that I might've seduced her.

- Uh-huh.
- Oh, and...

I want something
a little lesbian-y

but also soft enough
that you'd believe

it was my first time down there.

Right.

I think you're gonna have to
wear a coming-of-age novel.

What? You're asking
the impossible.

From a dress.

Look, I've never been
to a deposition.

I assume they last
for hours.

Just pick something
that's comfortable

and doesn't show
sweat stains.

[sighs]
Fine.

Just answer me this.

I don't want to show
the baby bump, do I?

Not unless you're prepared to
explain how she knocked you up.

[groans]

I am so dreading this.

M-more important
than the dress,

have you thought about
what you're gonna say?

I don't know.

I'm just gonna
tell what happened.

Right, but I think
you should be ready

for the kinds of questions.

Like?

- Miss Rance.
- Oh, so we're doing this now.

Is this the first employer

that you've had
a relationship with?

- They don't know that.
- Helen knows, so they know.

Answer the question, please.

[sighs]

No, it's not the first.

How many of your former bosses
have you had affairs with?

- I don't remember.
- How many?

Three.
Oh, four.

Five. Five.

So you were really
an old hand at this.

One could almost call it
a pattern.

Why are you pacing?
No one paces.

They're just in chairs.

So the consequences

should not have been
surprising to you at all.

- Isn't that true?
- Whose side are you on?

You have to be ready for this.
Answer the question.

W-W-what was the question?

Who initiated the relationship,
you or Mrs. Basch?

- It was kind of mutual.
- Mutual?

- More her, I guess.
- Did you try and stop her?

- Uh, maybe?
- Did you?

- No.
- Did you encourage her?

- No!
- Is this the first time

that you'd ever been
with a woman?

- Yes!
- Was it?

Okay, once, at theater camp.

It was at the cast party

for You're a Good Man,
Charlie Brown.

She was Lucy,
I was Patty,

and we were both
really, really stoned.

- Really?
- Oh, fuck.

I'm gonna fry.

[keys clacking]

He's right.

It's not good.

- I know.
- How far are you?

Further than I want to be.

How did we not realize?

It's like those capri pants
you had when we first met.

You thought you looked so--

We agreed we'd
never discuss the capri pants.

Your little ankles.

Like a hairy Jackie Onassis.

Fine.

We will recover from this.

I know.

Actually, I don't know,
but I'm sure you're right.

You always are.

Oh. Just got
to the scene in the park.

- Stop.
- I can't.

Well, if you need
a distraction...

What?

Oh.

I'm sorry.

Right now,
I'm feeling rather inconsolable.

Although you're welcome to try.

Turned on by
my hairy Jackie O ankles?

They're all I can think about.

[laughs]

[keys clacking]

♪ quirky music ♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

[dog barking]

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

[typewriter dings]

You're up early.

Never went to sleep.

Seriously?

Clearly I was missed.

Between the Ambien
and the Chardonnay,

be happy I'm alive.

What are you doing?

Writing.

Darling, let it go.

It's the one thing he said
that's true,

"Let the pig die."

It's something new.

Really?

Can I see?

Uh, no, it's too soon.

All right.

No. No.

[scoffs]

Fine. Whenever you're ready.

Now. Read it now.

Oh, my.

Write what you know.

[laughs]

Which bit?

Oh, good.

This is exciting.

Yes?

I am very happy.

Good.

I'm going to sleep.
Your turn.

♪ quirky music ♪

♪♪♪

[keyboard clacking]

♪♪♪

[typewriter dings]

Oh, my God.

Feel how wet my hands are.

- That's okay.
- Seriously, feel them.

Seriously, I know
what wet feels like.

Sorry. I don't want
to mess up my suit.

That's fine.

I'm here for you
and your glands.

[sighs]

Why am I putting myself
through this?

Just keep telling yourself
it's for the baby.

It's for the baby's house.

It's for
the baby's college fund.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it's so
you can buy dope again.

Yes.

Hopefully,

there'll be a little left over

for the baby's therapist.

Oh, God.
Oh, God. Oh, God.

- What?
- The stairs.

Don't look.
I said don't look!

Calm down.
Take a breath.

- Is she looking?
- You just said don't look!

Why is she here?

They said she wasn't
gonna be here.

Well, obviously,
they were wrong.

Fuck.
I'm gonna throw up.

You are not gonna throw up.

Focus on me.

Act like we're talking.

Applesauce.
Applesauce.

- Applesauce.
- What?

- Just say it.
- Applesauce.

Applesauce.
Applesauce.

[both laugh]

She's almost at the lift.
Hang in there.

I really think
I'm gonna throw up.

- Really really?
- Applesauce.

Uh, the ladies' room?

- We're standing up.
- [giggles nervously]

- Breathe.
- [gasping]

There we go.
Very good.

We're walking.
We're walking.

Is she still there?

I don't know.
I'm not looking.

- I'm gonna look.
- Do not look.

I'm looking.

[Carol] Shit!
She saw me looking.

[Beverly]
Told you not to look!

Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh, God.

- Do you still need to throw up?
- Maybe.

No.
I'm okay.

H-h-h-holy shit!

Listen to me.

The worst is over.

You saw her.
She saw you.

You didn't burst
into tears...

Mmm.

...or burst into flames.

You are stronger
than you think you are.

[door creaks open]

[both yelling]

We need to talk.

[vomiting]

Are you all right in there?

[Carol] Fine!
[vomiting]

I'm gonna go.

[Carol]
No! Stay.

Okay.

[Carol]
[coughing and vomiting]

So how are you?

Wildly uncomfortable.

As you should be.

[Carol] [retching]

So, uh...

Matt's doing
that hit man thing.

What happened there?

Oh, it's not worth going into.

Okay.

[retching continues]

Sean and I started
something new.

Ah? For us?

- Possibly.
- Good. Good.

I don't want to pre-sell it,
but I think you'll--

- [Carol] Seriously?
- [Beverly and Helen] Sorry.

[toilet flushing]

So...

You wanted to talk?

Should I go or...

Yeah. Go.

I'm good.

- You sure?
- Mm-hmm.

All right.

I'll be right outside.

Holler if you need me.

Okay, look.

No, you look.

Two of us went into this thing,

but only one of us
still has a job.

Only one of us got
to go on with her life

like nothing ever happened.

Wait. Shh, shh.

No, you shh, shh, shh!

I didn't deserve this.

You're right.

Yeah, I am.

All the shit that went down,
that's on me.

Yep. Uh-huh.

I got nuts.

I was like
a sick fucking...

fuck.

I swear to God,
I look back, and I'm like...

I finally started
seeing this shrink.

- Little late.
- Probably.

Anyway, she seems smart.
I don't know.

Mostly, we talk about you.

Good.

Even she couldn't believe
some of the shit I pulled.

She says that's what I do
when I'm in love.

It's some kind
of abandonment thing

and all kinds of crap
with my father.

Wait.

You were in love?

Oh, come on.

Really?

You knew that.

- Nope.
- Yeah, you did.

You never said it.

- But you knew it.
- I did not.

Come on.
Of course I love you.

Loved. Loved.

Da. Da.

Fine.

Love.

[sniffles briefly]

Really?

I miss you so fucking much.

I miss you too.

[woman] Excuse me?
Um, can you keep talking?

[woman] 'Cause I'm never
gonna be able to pee

if you're both listening.

[both] Sorry.

Better?

[woman] Thank you.

I think about you all the time.

[sighs]
I think about you too.

Oh, my God.

I can't even sleep
in my bed anymore.

It's too depressing.

That makes me so happy.

And then that fucking movie
Carol came out.

I mean, seriously?

Those two women,
and it's so hot,

and it's called Carol?

It fucking killed me.

Aww.

[laughs]

I thought it was
kind of slow.

It was slow.

Yeah.

I never gave you back
one of your T-shirts.

It still smells like you.

Oh, like in a gross way?

No, not in a gross way.

Which one?

The blue James Perse.

Oh, Jesus.

I've been looking
all over for that.

- You want it back?
- No.

- You sure?
- Yeah.

I mean, if you want it--

- Wait.
- What?

[exhales sharply and sniffs]

Oh, I need a mint.

- You're fine.
- Really?

I'm not vomit-y?

No.

[woman] I have a mint!

- Thank you.
- That's okay!

[sighs]

I want another chance.

- No.
- No, it wouldn't be like--

No. I can't.

You wrecked me.

I'm so fuckin' sorry.

Look, if I could undo
everything--

but if there's any way

you'll let me show you

that I don't have to be
that person--

Oh, fuck it.

All right.

But if--
if we open this door again--

Oh, please!

Let's open the door.

- Open the door!
- [laughs]

[both] Not you!

- If.
- Right.

We are gonna take it slow.

Absolutely.

Slow.

None of this,
"We're moving in.

We're getting a dog."

Totally.
Slow.

Slow.

We don't even have to sleep
together until--

Well, I'm not saying that.

[laughs]

So this is happening?

Slowly.

But happening?

But happening.

[chuckles]

Also...

there's one other thing
you should know.

[gasps]

We're having a baby!

- We just said--
- Oh, so what?

[woman] Congratulations.

[keys clacking]

[knock at door]

[Sean] Coming!

Always look first.

Maniacs seldom knock.

Hey.

Always look.

This is for you.

You know what it is?

- We're not doing this.
- Come on.

- What is it?
- No.

Maybe in the light.

How about now?

- Some kind of snake thing?
- No.

- A chocolate Mr. Whippy.
- I don't know who that is. No.

- And it's not a snake thing?
- No.

[scoffs]

See, this is what
I was afraid of.

I told Christina,

"They're not gonna know
what it is,"

and you can't believe
what it fuckin' cost to make.

Good. I hope you wasted
a lot of money.

It's a turd.

You made us a turd?

Yeah.

It's like the gorilla,

only I'm not a gorilla.

Turns out I'm a piece of shit.

Didn't need an upholstered poo
to tell us that.

I'm a piece of shit,
and I'm sorry.

You are a sorry piece of shit.

I know.
I know!

I can't stop thinking
about that thing you said

about me being like my father,

and I fuckin' hate it.

Touched a nerve, did we?

My father walked out on us,
and what did I do?

I fuckin' walked out on you.

I didn't know if you were
headed back home or not,

but I had to see you
before you go.

And for whatever it's worth...

you were right.

And this...

is how I feel.

There you go.

I'm sorry.

- You read our new script.
- Ah, so what?

[gasps]
Oh, my God.

You got to let me play this guy.

Have you no shame?

- Nyeh.
- I can't even!

This needs to be
a much bigger piece of shit!

Look, I really do feel bad
about what happened. Honest.

Honest like when you said you
thought we were going home?

Even when you already knew
we were doing the new show?

That was then.

It was 30 seconds ago!

You got to let some stuff go.

- We're done here.
- Come on!

This is the show
we should've done all along!

How could you possibly think,

given everything
that's happened--

You have treated us
so horrendously,

and then you expect us
to just take you back?

But that's kind of our thing.

It's not a good thing.

You're the abusive boyfriend
we never had.

Calm down.

People break up
and get back together

all the time.

- Stupid people.
- You guys did.

We love each other.

And you don't think
there's love here?

[both] No!

[gasps]
Come on!

A little love.

A little.

A little...

Do you honestly believe

that you can just bat your eyes

and turn on your
theoretical Matt LeBlanc charm

and we'll swoon like
those idiot girls you screw?

- A little?
- No!

- No?
- No.

You can try to woo us with all
the plushy turds you like.

I'm afraid your shit
no longer impresses us.

[chuckling]

That's your fake laugh.

See, you guys know me so well!

Look, do you want me
to read for it?

I'll read for it.

But I'll tell you right now,

you're not gonna do any better.

Oh, really?

You'd be surprised

at who's already been cast.

I know. I heard.

But for this part?

I am that guy.

And you knew it
when you wrote it.

Look.

I know you're pissed.

I'd be pissed at me too.

I was a dick.

But don't punish
your show for it.

What about the show
you're already doing?

Fuck it.

So you're willing to do
to that writer

what you've just apologized
to us for?

This is different.

I have a history with you.

There's love here.

I'm telling you.
Love!

It wouldn't be
your production company.

Nyeh.

You wouldn't even be
a producer.

Who wants to be a producer?

Neither would Riskin
and Shrimpkin

or Shrimkin or--

That's fine.

I never even met Shrimpkin.

- It's Shimkin!
- Whatever.

So? What do you say?

[sighs]

Yes!

See? A little love.

- A little love.
- No.

A little love.
Come on.

- No, no, no.
- Comin' in.

No, no, no, no, no.
No!

[screams]
Get him off me.

[keys clacking]

[typewriter dings]

♪ light instrumental music ♪

[indistinct chatter]

♪♪♪

- [man] Whoo-hoo!
- [whistles and applause]

[cheers and applause]

[wind whooshing]

♪ quirky music ♪

♪♪♪

[laughs]

♪♪♪

Mm-hmm.

♪♪♪

[chuckles]

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

[gunshot]

[chuckling]

[groans]

♪ gentle piano music ♪

♪♪♪

- [Beverly] No, no, no.
- [Sean] No.

[Beverly] Ow, ow, ow!

- [Sean] Stop it.
- [keys clacking]

♪ quirky music ♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

[keys clacking]

[typewriter dings]