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1
00:00:08,125 --> 00:00:09,667
[keys clacking]
2
00:00:09,667 --> 00:00:10,917
[typewriter dings]
3
00:00:10,917 --> 00:00:14,834
Welcome to day 37
of The Box.
4
00:00:14,834 --> 00:00:15,959
- Twice in one week.
- It's my new favorite show.
5
00:00:15,959 --> 00:00:18,208
[Matt] Liking those numbers,
huh?
6
00:00:18,208 --> 00:00:20,000
[Elliot] Liking them?
They're what I think about
7
00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:21,875
when I'm screwing my wife.
8
00:00:21,875 --> 00:00:24,875
I really think we need to cut
this whole bit with the boat.
9
00:00:24,875 --> 00:00:25,667
- No, you can't do that.
- You can't.
10
00:00:25,667 --> 00:00:26,834
You need the boat bit.
11
00:00:26,834 --> 00:00:27,875
Darling,
sometimes you have
12
00:00:27,875 --> 00:00:28,834
to let the words go.
13
00:00:28,834 --> 00:00:30,166
- Do we?
- [pencil snaps]
14
00:00:30,166 --> 00:00:32,000
Where are we
on my fucking window?
15
00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:33,208
You're an actor.
16
00:00:33,208 --> 00:00:34,458
Act like there's a window.
17
00:00:34,458 --> 00:00:35,625
You're a producer.
18
00:00:35,625 --> 00:00:36,834
Go fuck yourself.
19
00:00:36,834 --> 00:00:38,000
Let's do it.
20
00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:39,500
You don't need
to mark it again?
21
00:00:39,500 --> 00:00:40,917
No, no, no, I'm good.
Let's go.
22
00:00:40,917 --> 00:00:42,333
- Okay, on three. One, two--
- Mm-hmm.
23
00:00:42,333 --> 00:00:43,959
- Wait, is it on three?
- [blow lands]
24
00:00:43,959 --> 00:00:46,333
- Good news?
- You know that guy
25
00:00:46,333 --> 00:00:48,000
who got my part
in the NBC pilot?
26
00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:49,834
Anthony Powner Smith.
27
00:00:49,834 --> 00:00:50,542
Just had a kickboxing
accident.
28
00:00:50,542 --> 00:00:53,542
Paralyzed!
29
00:00:53,542 --> 00:00:54,458
Oh, my God.
30
00:00:54,458 --> 00:00:56,500
Well, temporarily--
but long enough
31
00:00:56,500 --> 00:00:57,875
that he can't do the pilot.
32
00:00:59,583 --> 00:01:00,875
You won't leave your house.
33
00:01:00,875 --> 00:01:02,583
You're stoned before breakfast.
34
00:01:02,583 --> 00:01:03,083
And you look like...
35
00:01:03,083 --> 00:01:05,166
I look like what?
36
00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:07,208
You look like what
I imagine you'd look like
37
00:01:07,208 --> 00:01:09,333
- if you'd never left Michigan.
- [gasps]
38
00:01:09,333 --> 00:01:10,291
[Kenny] Mr. Lapidus,
Matt LeBlanc,
39
00:01:10,291 --> 00:01:12,875
he's kind of having
a sex thing with Danika.
40
00:01:12,875 --> 00:01:15,500
Do me a favor, Kenny.
41
00:01:15,500 --> 00:01:18,917
Switch the live feed
to Danika's box.
42
00:01:18,917 --> 00:01:20,041
Are you sure?
43
00:01:20,041 --> 00:01:21,291
Absolutely.
44
00:01:21,291 --> 00:01:23,000
I take full responsibility.
45
00:01:24,917 --> 00:01:27,709
[Merc] Ah, that's nice.
46
00:01:33,417 --> 00:01:35,750
[keys clacking]
47
00:01:35,750 --> 00:01:37,417
[typewriter dings]
48
00:01:38,625 --> 00:01:41,625
[wind blows]
49
00:01:45,834 --> 00:01:49,583
♪ quirky music ♪
50
00:01:49,583 --> 00:01:54,709
♪♪♪
51
00:02:13,417 --> 00:02:14,375
[gunshot]
52
00:02:23,125 --> 00:02:24,000
- Have you seen this?
- What?
53
00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:25,792
The Matt LeBlanc show?
Oh, yeah.
54
00:02:25,792 --> 00:02:27,000
It's unbelievable.
55
00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:30,125
What the hell was he thinking?
56
00:02:30,125 --> 00:02:31,500
What was who thinking?
57
00:02:31,500 --> 00:02:32,625
Are you kidding?
58
00:02:32,625 --> 00:02:34,041
How have you not seen it?
59
00:02:34,041 --> 00:02:35,333
Mm?
60
00:02:36,458 --> 00:02:38,500
Mm.
61
00:02:38,500 --> 00:02:41,834
Mm!
62
00:02:41,834 --> 00:02:43,709
Jesus, it's fucking
everywhere!
63
00:02:43,709 --> 00:02:45,792
- [intercom beeps]
- [Patty] Elliot Salad on one.
64
00:02:45,792 --> 00:02:46,667
Shit.
65
00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:49,083
Uh...
66
00:02:49,083 --> 00:02:50,417
tell him you can't find me.
67
00:02:50,417 --> 00:02:52,125
Then get me Roger Riskin!
68
00:02:52,125 --> 00:02:53,834
[man over intercom]
Helen Basch on one.
69
00:02:53,834 --> 00:02:55,583
Shit.
70
00:02:55,583 --> 00:02:58,208
Uh, tell her I'm in a meeting.
Any luck?
71
00:02:58,208 --> 00:03:00,333
I tried Malibu.
I tried his ranch.
72
00:03:00,333 --> 00:03:01,667
Try the vineyard.
73
00:03:01,667 --> 00:03:02,500
Voice mail.
74
00:03:02,500 --> 00:03:03,667
Fuck!
75
00:03:03,667 --> 00:03:05,166
Well, keep trying.
[phone clicks]
76
00:03:05,166 --> 00:03:08,291
[buzzing]
77
00:03:08,291 --> 00:03:10,375
[birds chirping]
78
00:03:15,458 --> 00:03:17,750
[phone ringing]
79
00:03:17,750 --> 00:03:20,291
Booth.
80
00:03:20,291 --> 00:03:20,917
Yes, he is. Hold on.
81
00:03:20,917 --> 00:03:23,375
Helen Basch for you.
82
00:03:25,959 --> 00:03:26,667
Hello.
83
00:03:26,667 --> 00:03:29,834
What kind of swirling vortex
84
00:03:29,834 --> 00:03:32,041
of fuckup
are you running over there?
85
00:03:32,041 --> 00:03:35,041
No, no, no, no, no,
you're not putting this on me.
86
00:03:35,041 --> 00:03:37,875
It's not my job
to keep his dick in his pants.
87
00:03:37,875 --> 00:03:40,834
It's your job
not to put it on television.
88
00:03:40,834 --> 00:03:42,625
Who's watching
the fucking monitors?
89
00:03:42,625 --> 00:03:45,000
Believe me,
that putz is long gone.
90
00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:47,458
I canned his ass so fast.
91
00:03:47,458 --> 00:03:49,875
Yeah, well, you're the one
who put him in that booth.
92
00:03:49,875 --> 00:03:51,959
- This is on you.
- Bullshit.
93
00:03:51,959 --> 00:03:53,875
Who made me hire LeBlanc
in the first place?
94
00:03:53,875 --> 00:03:56,709
Oh, no, you don't.
95
00:03:56,709 --> 00:03:58,917
I gave you
a whole list of hosts.
96
00:03:58,917 --> 00:04:01,625
You gave me a stack
of obituaries.
97
00:04:02,875 --> 00:04:03,834
They weren't all dead.
98
00:04:03,834 --> 00:04:06,083
All right.
99
00:04:06,083 --> 00:04:07,959
Enough with the finger-pointing.
So now what?
100
00:04:07,959 --> 00:04:08,417
Dump him.
101
00:04:08,417 --> 00:04:10,375
Are you crazy?
102
00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:11,583
We don't need that asshole.
103
00:04:11,583 --> 00:04:16,000
This show's been a hit
in 41 countries without him.
104
00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:18,291
No, it's the one thing
I've got that's working.
105
00:04:18,291 --> 00:04:20,500
- I'm not screwing with it.
- It's already screwed.
106
00:04:20,500 --> 00:04:23,250
America can't unsee
what they saw.
107
00:04:23,250 --> 00:04:26,875
America saw Ruby shoot Oswald.
They'll get over it.
108
00:04:26,875 --> 00:04:28,083
Look, I'm just
gonna say one thing,
109
00:04:28,083 --> 00:04:30,166
and I-I'm not pointing fingers.
110
00:04:30,166 --> 00:04:31,750
This never would've happened
111
00:04:31,750 --> 00:04:33,875
if we had gone
with Art Fleming.
112
00:04:33,875 --> 00:04:36,333
Art Fleming's been dead
for 20 years!
113
00:04:37,166 --> 00:04:38,125
Jesus, is it that long?
114
00:04:38,125 --> 00:04:40,542
What am I looking at?
115
00:04:40,542 --> 00:04:42,000
Just watch.
116
00:04:43,750 --> 00:04:45,792
Oh...
117
00:04:45,792 --> 00:04:47,083
[gasps]
118
00:04:47,083 --> 00:04:50,417
Oh...my...
119
00:04:50,417 --> 00:04:51,542
Mm-hmm.
120
00:04:51,542 --> 00:04:52,709
No...oh.
121
00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:53,917
No.
122
00:04:53,917 --> 00:04:56,291
No, no, no.
123
00:04:56,291 --> 00:04:57,000
Please tell me
he's not gonna take it--
124
00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:59,000
Oh, he took it out!
125
00:04:59,000 --> 00:04:59,834
There's more.
126
00:04:59,834 --> 00:05:00,792
Mo-more?
127
00:05:00,792 --> 00:05:03,333
Oh. [gasps]
128
00:05:03,333 --> 00:05:07,417
Oh! Good Lord.
129
00:05:07,417 --> 00:05:09,792
Look at him go.
I swear I just saw a spark.
130
00:05:09,792 --> 00:05:12,041
Not over.
131
00:05:12,041 --> 00:05:13,625
N-no.
132
00:05:13,625 --> 00:05:15,291
No.
133
00:05:15,291 --> 00:05:16,792
No. Oh!
134
00:05:16,792 --> 00:05:19,959
No.
135
00:05:19,959 --> 00:05:21,959
Ah! Tell me it's over.
136
00:05:21,959 --> 00:05:23,208
Did he shake it yet?
137
00:05:23,208 --> 00:05:24,458
- Just did.
- It's over.
138
00:05:24,458 --> 00:05:27,041
Oh. Oh!
139
00:05:27,875 --> 00:05:30,333
It just passed
15 million views.
140
00:05:30,333 --> 00:05:31,750
That's more than watch
the fucking show.
141
00:05:31,750 --> 00:05:36,667
It's already bigger than that
chicken getting bar mitzvahed.
142
00:05:36,667 --> 00:05:37,500
That really made me laugh.
143
00:05:39,834 --> 00:05:41,917
He had a little yarmulke.
144
00:05:42,500 --> 00:05:43,458
Patty, call Roger again!
145
00:05:43,458 --> 00:05:45,625
Tell him I know
that little shit's
146
00:05:45,625 --> 00:05:46,667
- not in a meeting!
- [Patty] Okay.
147
00:05:46,667 --> 00:05:49,834
Pepsi just pulled out,
and Ford is waffling.
148
00:05:49,834 --> 00:05:51,041
God damn it.
149
00:05:51,041 --> 00:05:53,000
Maybe we should
preempt tonight.
150
00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:55,250
- And run what?
- I'd run the tape.
151
00:05:55,250 --> 00:05:57,041
- [intercom buzzes]
- [Patty] Roger's supposedly
152
00:05:57,041 --> 00:06:00,500
still in a meeting,
and Elliot Salad's on one.
153
00:06:00,500 --> 00:06:01,834
Again.
154
00:06:01,834 --> 00:06:02,792
[phone clicks]
155
00:06:02,792 --> 00:06:03,875
Elliot.
156
00:06:03,875 --> 00:06:05,834
Tell me we can fix this.
157
00:06:05,834 --> 00:06:07,166
We're on it.
158
00:06:07,166 --> 00:06:09,041
You hear that we lost
Pepsi and Ford?
159
00:06:09,041 --> 00:06:10,667
I heard Ford was waffling.
160
00:06:10,667 --> 00:06:13,250
Well, whatever comes after
waffling, they just did.
161
00:06:13,250 --> 00:06:14,208
Also Kraft Mayonnaise.
162
00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:17,375
Well, that makes sense.
163
00:06:17,375 --> 00:06:18,583
It's visceral.
164
00:06:18,583 --> 00:06:22,333
Oh, and we just had
a call from the FCC.
165
00:06:22,333 --> 00:06:25,542
They're raising questions
about the integrity of the game.
166
00:06:25,542 --> 00:06:27,000
Well, I've got Legal
making sure
167
00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:28,250
he didn't actually
break any rules.
168
00:06:28,250 --> 00:06:29,583
The rules?
169
00:06:29,583 --> 00:06:32,041
Nobody understands
those fucking rules.
170
00:06:32,041 --> 00:06:33,458
This is about perception.
171
00:06:33,458 --> 00:06:34,709
It looks like
he broke the rules.
172
00:06:34,709 --> 00:06:39,083
It looks like he broke the rules
all over that box!
173
00:06:39,083 --> 00:06:41,083
Mm.
174
00:06:41,083 --> 00:06:43,208
- [intercom beeps]
- [man] Helen Basch on one.
175
00:06:43,208 --> 00:06:46,208
She says pick up or she's
coming over with a bat.
176
00:06:46,208 --> 00:06:47,709
Fuck.
177
00:06:47,709 --> 00:06:49,250
- [phone clicks]
- Good timing.
178
00:06:49,250 --> 00:06:50,500
My meeting just ended.
What can I do for you?
179
00:06:50,500 --> 00:06:53,375
How about you invent
a time machine,
180
00:06:53,375 --> 00:06:54,875
go back to yesterday,
181
00:06:54,875 --> 00:06:57,041
and cock-block
your fucking client?
182
00:06:57,041 --> 00:06:58,834
- Saw it, did you?
- I saw it.
183
00:06:58,834 --> 00:07:01,458
I think it's safe to say
everyone but Andrea Bocelli
184
00:07:01,458 --> 00:07:03,917
and that blind dog on YouTube
saw it.
185
00:07:03,917 --> 00:07:05,166
What blind dog
on YouTube?
186
00:07:05,166 --> 00:07:08,000
Oh, I'll send you the link.
It barks "Georgia on My Mind."
187
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:08,667
Mm.
188
00:07:08,667 --> 00:07:10,583
Look, Matt feels terrible.
189
00:07:10,583 --> 00:07:14,041
He knows this was
a massive lapse of judgment.
190
00:07:14,041 --> 00:07:15,208
He'd love to speak
to you and explain.
191
00:07:15,208 --> 00:07:16,792
Fine, patch him in.
192
00:07:16,792 --> 00:07:19,083
Uh,
193
00:07:19,083 --> 00:07:20,000
we can totally do that.
194
00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:21,417
[stammers] Except, um,
at the moment--
195
00:07:21,417 --> 00:07:23,667
You haven't even
talked to him, have you?
196
00:07:23,667 --> 00:07:25,000
As of right now,
I believe I have not.
197
00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:27,083
Well, when you do,
198
00:07:27,083 --> 00:07:30,667
he better have a fucking
miracle of an explanation,
199
00:07:30,667 --> 00:07:33,792
because I need a really good
reason not to fire his ass.
200
00:07:35,166 --> 00:07:35,750
[phone clicks]
201
00:07:35,750 --> 00:07:39,208
[cell phone buzzing]
202
00:07:43,500 --> 00:07:45,417
Why are we still
discussing this?
203
00:07:45,417 --> 00:07:46,959
Just get rid of him.
204
00:07:46,959 --> 00:07:48,709
Not till I hear
his side of it.
205
00:07:48,709 --> 00:07:50,667
Who cares about his side?
206
00:07:50,667 --> 00:07:52,250
If this were
any other game show--
207
00:07:52,250 --> 00:07:54,458
what if you saw
a video of Alex Trebek
208
00:07:54,458 --> 00:07:56,458
jerking off on some contestant?
209
00:07:56,458 --> 00:07:58,792
"What is not on my face," Alex?
210
00:07:58,792 --> 00:08:00,750
There's no show
without him.
211
00:08:00,750 --> 00:08:02,000
He's the show!
212
00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:02,583
Bullshit.
213
00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:04,333
The show's the show.
214
00:08:04,333 --> 00:08:06,166
Look at Millionaire.
215
00:08:06,166 --> 00:08:08,333
Regis left years ago
and it's still going strong.
216
00:08:08,333 --> 00:08:10,125
Who knows who's hosting it now?
217
00:08:10,125 --> 00:08:11,792
Not Art Fleming.
218
00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:12,583
[phone clicks]
219
00:08:12,583 --> 00:08:14,709
[cell phone buzzing]
220
00:08:18,208 --> 00:08:19,291
[thud]
221
00:08:19,291 --> 00:08:22,458
[muffled buzzing]
222
00:08:24,667 --> 00:08:27,750
[line trills]
223
00:08:27,750 --> 00:08:31,166
- [groans]
- [buzzing continues]
224
00:08:31,166 --> 00:08:33,792
- [phone clicks]
- Mm.
225
00:08:33,792 --> 00:08:35,500
Hi, honey, it's Beth.
226
00:08:35,500 --> 00:08:38,000
- Mm.
- So it's a clusterfuck.
227
00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:39,166
What?
228
00:08:39,166 --> 00:08:39,667
You, last night.
229
00:08:41,834 --> 00:08:43,333
What?
230
00:08:43,333 --> 00:08:45,458
You know, I'm gonna
conference Roger in.
231
00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:47,166
[phone clicks]
232
00:08:47,166 --> 00:08:48,792
[Roger] Hey, bud.
233
00:08:48,792 --> 00:08:50,000
What's going on?
234
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:52,500
We've got
a bit of a problem here.
235
00:08:52,500 --> 00:08:53,959
With what?
236
00:08:53,959 --> 00:08:56,166
That little show
you did last night?
237
00:08:56,166 --> 00:08:57,500
Ah, you watched my show?
238
00:08:57,500 --> 00:08:59,875
Oh, pretty much everyone
watched your show.
239
00:08:59,875 --> 00:09:00,583
Huh?
240
00:09:00,583 --> 00:09:02,166
- The girl?
- What girl?
241
00:09:02,166 --> 00:09:04,291
Box number two?
242
00:09:04,291 --> 00:09:05,750
Without the pants?
243
00:09:07,959 --> 00:09:09,583
How do you know about that?
244
00:09:09,583 --> 00:09:12,291
Um, 'cause I'm looking
at it right now.
245
00:09:12,291 --> 00:09:14,000
- You're looking at it?
- From the feed.
246
00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:16,375
- What feed?
- The 24-hour feed?
247
00:09:16,375 --> 00:09:19,291
[Beth] You know how at the end
of every show, you say,
248
00:09:19,291 --> 00:09:23,875
"Remember to follow us
live online, 24 hours a day"?
249
00:09:23,875 --> 00:09:26,542
That's what that means.
250
00:09:26,542 --> 00:09:27,667
- [Beth] Yup.
- Yup.
251
00:09:27,667 --> 00:09:29,375
Oh, shit.
252
00:09:29,375 --> 00:09:30,458
Where is it?
253
00:09:30,458 --> 00:09:32,083
Oh, it's pretty much everywhere.
254
00:09:32,083 --> 00:09:33,000
If you go to your kitchen,
255
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:34,083
your microwave's
probably showing it.
256
00:09:34,083 --> 00:09:35,709
[sighs] Fuck.
257
00:09:37,041 --> 00:09:38,458
[groans]
258
00:09:38,458 --> 00:09:41,458
- [keys clack]
- Holy crap.
259
00:09:41,458 --> 00:09:42,667
What's he doing?
260
00:09:42,667 --> 00:09:44,500
Just watch.
261
00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:45,959
Whoa.
262
00:09:45,959 --> 00:09:48,375
You could see that thing
from space.
263
00:09:48,375 --> 00:09:51,500
[oh!]
264
00:09:51,500 --> 00:09:55,291
[chuckling] Oh, my God!
265
00:09:55,291 --> 00:09:58,250
Oh, my God!
266
00:09:58,250 --> 00:09:59,667
[gasps] Oh, my God!
267
00:09:59,667 --> 00:10:00,083
You're welcome.
268
00:10:00,083 --> 00:10:02,291
No.
269
00:10:02,291 --> 00:10:04,500
Rosa just showed up.
Shit.
270
00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:05,500
Rosa?
271
00:10:05,500 --> 00:10:06,834
My maid.
272
00:10:06,834 --> 00:10:08,750
Is it Tuesday again?
273
00:10:08,750 --> 00:10:12,417
Uh, yeah, it's been happening
every week right around now.
274
00:10:12,417 --> 00:10:14,750
Shit!
She's getting out of the car.
275
00:10:14,750 --> 00:10:16,959
Is this some kind
of murdering maid?
276
00:10:16,959 --> 00:10:20,000
Probably. I haven't paid her
in, like, four weeks.
277
00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:21,250
- Why?
- 'Cause I've been
278
00:10:21,250 --> 00:10:22,709
saving up to buy a pony.
279
00:10:22,709 --> 00:10:24,500
- I'm broke!
- That broke?
280
00:10:24,500 --> 00:10:25,750
Yes, that broke.
281
00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:28,166
Then why not just let her go?
282
00:10:28,166 --> 00:10:29,542
I don't want to lose her.
283
00:10:29,542 --> 00:10:31,291
No, of course not.
284
00:10:31,291 --> 00:10:32,375
- [car door slams]
- Oh, fuck!
285
00:10:32,375 --> 00:10:33,542
Here she comes.
286
00:10:33,542 --> 00:10:36,709
I'm gonna dead-bolt the door.
287
00:10:36,709 --> 00:10:37,125
What's happening?
288
00:10:37,125 --> 00:10:38,208
Shh!
289
00:10:38,208 --> 00:10:40,208
[keys jingling]
290
00:10:40,208 --> 00:10:42,375
- [thud]
- Oh!
291
00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:43,417
[panting]
292
00:10:43,417 --> 00:10:46,083
[laughing] Hey, Rosa.
293
00:10:46,083 --> 00:10:47,583
Hola.
294
00:10:47,583 --> 00:10:52,083
Uh, I was just
looking for my, um,
295
00:10:52,083 --> 00:10:53,125
um...
296
00:10:53,125 --> 00:10:54,291
[Beverly] Dignity?
297
00:10:54,291 --> 00:10:56,542
[laughs]
I...
298
00:10:56,542 --> 00:10:58,208
Jesus.
299
00:10:58,208 --> 00:10:59,834
Well, can't they just take
the fucking thing down?
300
00:10:59,834 --> 00:11:02,333
Honey, it's the Internet.
There is no down.
301
00:11:02,333 --> 00:11:05,250
So, uh, not to judge, but...
302
00:11:05,250 --> 00:11:06,500
what the hell were you thinking?
303
00:11:06,500 --> 00:11:08,000
I don't know.
304
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,667
I guess I was thinking,
305
00:11:09,667 --> 00:11:11,458
"I sure wish I could
get through that glass."
306
00:11:11,458 --> 00:11:12,917
[chuckles]
307
00:11:12,917 --> 00:11:13,750
Y-you're not getting
how serious this is.
308
00:11:13,750 --> 00:11:15,917
Look, I had a few beers.
She was hot.
309
00:11:15,917 --> 00:11:17,709
Realistically,
how else was that gonna end?
310
00:11:17,709 --> 00:11:21,166
Well, it might end
with you out of a job.
311
00:11:21,166 --> 00:11:22,208
Oh, come on.
312
00:11:22,208 --> 00:11:23,709
They're freaking out over there.
313
00:11:23,709 --> 00:11:25,500
It had nothing to do
with their stupid game.
314
00:11:25,500 --> 00:11:27,583
They're saying it looks like
315
00:11:27,583 --> 00:11:31,667
you're giving one contestant
316
00:11:31,667 --> 00:11:33,250
preferential treatment.
317
00:11:33,250 --> 00:11:34,625
Fine.
318
00:11:34,625 --> 00:11:36,125
I'll whack off
on all their boxes.
319
00:11:36,125 --> 00:11:38,917
Yeah, I'm not writing this down.
320
00:11:38,917 --> 00:11:40,625
Wait a minute,
if they fire me,
321
00:11:40,625 --> 00:11:42,166
they still have to pay me,
right?
322
00:11:42,166 --> 00:11:43,083
No.
323
00:11:43,083 --> 00:11:44,542
I thought we had
a pay-or-play deal.
324
00:11:44,542 --> 00:11:45,375
There's a morals clause.
325
00:11:45,375 --> 00:11:47,000
A morals clause?
326
00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:47,709
You never told me
there was a morals clause.
327
00:11:47,709 --> 00:11:50,041
I never thought it would matter.
328
00:11:50,041 --> 00:11:51,250
With me?
329
00:11:51,250 --> 00:11:52,583
You know what?
330
00:11:52,583 --> 00:11:53,834
If they want to fire me,
then fuck 'em.
331
00:11:53,834 --> 00:11:54,709
You can't fuck 'em.
332
00:11:54,709 --> 00:11:55,875
Oh, I can fuck 'em.
333
00:11:55,875 --> 00:11:56,792
What about the money?
334
00:11:56,792 --> 00:11:57,667
Fuck the money.
335
00:11:57,667 --> 00:11:59,166
Never fuck the money!
336
00:12:00,166 --> 00:12:02,583
[exhales]
337
00:12:02,583 --> 00:12:03,458
You can't afford
to fuck the money.
338
00:12:03,458 --> 00:12:05,333
You know that.
339
00:12:07,583 --> 00:12:08,458
So now what?
340
00:12:08,458 --> 00:12:09,875
Beth?
341
00:12:09,875 --> 00:12:11,667
Well, you start by
releasing a statement
342
00:12:11,667 --> 00:12:14,250
accepting full responsibility
for your actions.
343
00:12:14,250 --> 00:12:15,375
Fine.
344
00:12:15,375 --> 00:12:16,834
You apologize
345
00:12:16,834 --> 00:12:18,750
to the network and to your fans.
346
00:12:18,750 --> 00:12:21,250
[Beth] You acknowledge you have
a serious problem.
347
00:12:21,250 --> 00:12:23,375
And then you say
you're going into rehab
348
00:12:23,375 --> 00:12:24,208
for sexual addiction.
349
00:12:24,208 --> 00:12:26,208
No!
350
00:12:26,208 --> 00:12:27,792
Look, this is bullshit.
351
00:12:27,792 --> 00:12:29,041
I'm calling the network.
352
00:12:29,041 --> 00:12:30,208
Do not call the network.
353
00:12:30,208 --> 00:12:31,250
We will handle it.
354
00:12:31,250 --> 00:12:31,917
I'm calling Elliot Salad.
355
00:12:31,917 --> 00:12:33,750
Do not call Elliot Salad.
356
00:12:33,750 --> 00:12:34,417
Why not?
He loves me.
357
00:12:34,417 --> 00:12:36,291
Listen to me,
358
00:12:36,291 --> 00:12:38,083
do not call Elliot Salad.
359
00:12:38,083 --> 00:12:39,458
I'm calling Elliot Salad.
360
00:12:39,458 --> 00:12:40,083
I'm begging you,
361
00:12:40,083 --> 00:12:42,500
do not call Elliot Salad!
362
00:12:42,500 --> 00:12:44,792
You can't stop me
from calling Elliot Salad.
363
00:12:44,792 --> 00:12:46,834
I'm calling Elliot Salad.
364
00:12:46,834 --> 00:12:47,750
[line clicks]
365
00:12:51,125 --> 00:12:53,959
[man over intercom]
Matt LeBlanc on one.
366
00:12:53,959 --> 00:12:55,208
- [phone clicks]
- Yeah?
367
00:12:55,208 --> 00:12:56,041
I need Elliot Salad's number.
368
00:12:58,250 --> 00:13:00,917
What happened to me?
369
00:13:00,917 --> 00:13:03,667
I was important.
370
00:13:03,667 --> 00:13:06,458
I had a career.
371
00:13:06,458 --> 00:13:08,834
People brought me lunch.
372
00:13:09,875 --> 00:13:11,333
They kissed my ass.
373
00:13:11,333 --> 00:13:13,458
Now look at it.
374
00:13:13,458 --> 00:13:15,000
It's just an ass.
375
00:13:19,417 --> 00:13:20,667
[cell phone ringtone playing]
376
00:13:20,667 --> 00:13:23,709
Do you need to get that?
377
00:13:23,709 --> 00:13:25,000
[ringtone continues]
378
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:26,041
Mm.
379
00:13:28,792 --> 00:13:30,291
It's like,
380
00:13:30,291 --> 00:13:33,750
I remember
this one particular day.
381
00:13:33,750 --> 00:13:36,917
I was in New York
for the up-fronts.
382
00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:39,500
It was my first one.
383
00:13:39,500 --> 00:13:41,583
I was so young.
384
00:13:41,583 --> 00:13:46,375
And...in that one day,
385
00:13:46,375 --> 00:13:50,458
I was in the room when they
canceled the John Stamos show;
386
00:13:50,458 --> 00:13:54,458
I saw Brooke Shields
387
00:13:54,458 --> 00:13:57,500
in the lobby of my hotel;
388
00:13:57,500 --> 00:13:59,959
and that night,
389
00:13:59,959 --> 00:14:03,500
I blew Wilmer Valderrama
390
00:14:03,500 --> 00:14:08,125
in the bathroom
at the after party.
391
00:14:08,125 --> 00:14:13,166
It was just
the most magical day.
392
00:14:13,166 --> 00:14:15,625
And I thought,
393
00:14:15,625 --> 00:14:17,667
"Oh, my God.
394
00:14:17,667 --> 00:14:22,583
Look at my life."
[laughs]
395
00:14:22,583 --> 00:14:23,333
And now?
396
00:14:23,333 --> 00:14:26,500
Oh, my God.
397
00:14:26,500 --> 00:14:29,625
Look at my life.
398
00:14:34,333 --> 00:14:37,333
By the way,
399
00:14:37,333 --> 00:14:39,750
thank you again
for taking my watch.
400
00:14:39,750 --> 00:14:43,041
It looks really good on you.
401
00:14:43,041 --> 00:14:45,250
And I'm telling you
it's worth
402
00:14:45,250 --> 00:14:48,083
so much more
than four weeks' pay.
403
00:14:48,083 --> 00:14:49,041
[chuckles]
404
00:14:49,041 --> 00:14:52,000
You did very well, my friend.
405
00:14:54,875 --> 00:14:56,291
[sighs]
406
00:14:56,291 --> 00:14:59,625
Kelsey Grammer once
called me "fetching."
407
00:14:59,625 --> 00:15:02,542
This is out.
408
00:15:02,542 --> 00:15:04,041
[intercom beeps]
409
00:15:04,041 --> 00:15:05,875
[woman over intercom]
Matt LeBlanc on one.
410
00:15:05,875 --> 00:15:07,834
Shit.
411
00:15:10,875 --> 00:15:11,417
- [phone clicks]
- Hello.
412
00:15:11,417 --> 00:15:13,542
Hey, Elliot.
413
00:15:13,542 --> 00:15:14,625
How's it going?
414
00:15:14,625 --> 00:15:16,500
I've been better.
415
00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:17,875
Yeah, look...
416
00:15:17,875 --> 00:15:19,583
[sighs]
I don't know what to say.
417
00:15:19,583 --> 00:15:21,875
I am so sorry.
418
00:15:21,875 --> 00:15:23,959
It was beyond stupid.
419
00:15:23,959 --> 00:15:25,250
I cannot disagree.
420
00:15:25,250 --> 00:15:28,417
If I could undo it, I would.
I swear.
421
00:15:28,417 --> 00:15:29,834
I feel terrible.
422
00:15:29,834 --> 00:15:31,458
Well, you should.
423
00:15:31,458 --> 00:15:33,583
What the hell was going through
that brain of yours?
424
00:15:33,583 --> 00:15:35,417
Nothing.
That's the problem.
425
00:15:35,417 --> 00:15:37,750
I just saw her,
and she was there, and--
426
00:15:37,750 --> 00:15:40,625
Yeah, well, I gotta say, I can't
fault your taste in women.
427
00:15:40,625 --> 00:15:42,083
That girl is something.
428
00:15:42,083 --> 00:15:43,083
I know, right?
429
00:15:43,083 --> 00:15:45,875
And she was doing yoga.
430
00:15:45,875 --> 00:15:46,959
I hear you.
431
00:15:46,959 --> 00:15:48,458
There's something about a woman
432
00:15:48,458 --> 00:15:50,250
who can put her heels
behind her ears.
433
00:15:50,250 --> 00:15:51,583
Thank you.
434
00:15:51,583 --> 00:15:54,041
I mean, how do you
say no to that?
435
00:15:54,041 --> 00:15:56,792
Funny thing, looking at you
with that girl in the box
436
00:15:56,792 --> 00:15:59,417
took me back to something
that happened to me
437
00:15:59,417 --> 00:16:01,917
which was not entirely
dissimilar.
438
00:16:01,917 --> 00:16:02,875
No kidding?
439
00:16:02,875 --> 00:16:04,291
This is years ago.
440
00:16:04,291 --> 00:16:05,208
Just off Times Square.
441
00:16:05,208 --> 00:16:08,291
Near Nathan's.
You remember Nathan's?
442
00:16:08,291 --> 00:16:09,667
Sure.
443
00:16:09,667 --> 00:16:10,625
I was walking down the street.
444
00:16:10,625 --> 00:16:14,208
And I saw this woman
in a phone booth.
445
00:16:14,208 --> 00:16:15,625
She was magnificent.
446
00:16:15,625 --> 00:16:18,709
A body to die for.
447
00:16:18,709 --> 00:16:21,667
Like a young Cyd Charisse.
You remember Cyd Charisse?
448
00:16:21,667 --> 00:16:22,709
Totally.
449
00:16:22,709 --> 00:16:23,667
Singing in the Rain?
450
00:16:23,667 --> 00:16:25,083
The Band Wagon--
451
00:16:25,083 --> 00:16:25,750
Band Wagon, sure.
452
00:16:25,750 --> 00:16:26,625
Anyway, it was
453
00:16:26,625 --> 00:16:28,333
a hot summer night,
454
00:16:28,333 --> 00:16:30,875
even hotter in that phone booth
with the door closed.
455
00:16:30,875 --> 00:16:34,000
So I'm standing there,
456
00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:35,625
watching her,
457
00:16:35,625 --> 00:16:36,834
kind of in the shadows.
458
00:16:36,834 --> 00:16:40,458
And I notice this one
459
00:16:40,458 --> 00:16:42,625
little bead of sweat
460
00:16:42,625 --> 00:16:46,500
slowly rolling
down her bare shoulder.
461
00:16:46,500 --> 00:16:48,291
And she turns,
462
00:16:48,291 --> 00:16:51,875
and her eyes catch mine.
463
00:16:51,875 --> 00:16:54,250
It was this charged
erotic moment.
464
00:16:54,250 --> 00:16:57,000
And much like you
and your girl in the box,
465
00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:59,875
it led to some, uh,
466
00:16:59,875 --> 00:17:00,709
self-pleasuring,
467
00:17:00,709 --> 00:17:03,709
if you catch my drift.
468
00:17:03,709 --> 00:17:04,792
I'm catching it.
469
00:17:04,792 --> 00:17:06,208
Of course,
470
00:17:06,208 --> 00:17:08,667
my situation was
slightly different in that
471
00:17:08,667 --> 00:17:11,125
she had no idea
what was happening.
472
00:17:11,125 --> 00:17:12,792
When she looked down
473
00:17:12,792 --> 00:17:15,000
and saw what I was doing,
she let out a-a scream.
474
00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:16,625
It was so loud,
you could hear it
475
00:17:16,625 --> 00:17:17,834
through the glass
with the door closed.
476
00:17:17,834 --> 00:17:20,458
But that's all I needed.
477
00:17:20,458 --> 00:17:22,166
By the time the cops came,
478
00:17:22,166 --> 00:17:24,250
I was done, zipped up,
and halfway down 46th Street.
479
00:17:26,625 --> 00:17:28,166
Wow.
480
00:17:28,166 --> 00:17:31,291
You don't see
phone booths anymore.
481
00:17:31,291 --> 00:17:32,542
And they call that progress.
482
00:17:32,542 --> 00:17:33,625
Right.
483
00:17:33,625 --> 00:17:37,375
Anyway, the show.
484
00:17:37,375 --> 00:17:39,875
So...we're okay?
485
00:17:39,875 --> 00:17:42,041
Well, let us think about it.
486
00:17:42,041 --> 00:17:43,500
We'll discuss.
487
00:17:43,500 --> 00:17:45,458
But I'm really glad you called.
488
00:17:45,458 --> 00:17:46,625
Me too.
489
00:17:46,625 --> 00:17:48,333
Thank you so much.
490
00:17:48,333 --> 00:17:51,625
[woman over intercom]
Elliot Salad on one.
491
00:17:52,750 --> 00:17:53,792
[phone clicks]
492
00:17:53,792 --> 00:17:55,000
Fire him.
493
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:56,667
You sure?
494
00:17:56,667 --> 00:17:58,959
Yeah, that guy should not
be hosting a family show.
495
00:17:58,959 --> 00:17:59,333
Gives me the creeps.
496
00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:05,750
[cell phone ringtone playing]
497
00:18:05,750 --> 00:18:07,458
[chuckles]
498
00:18:07,458 --> 00:18:09,458
Yo.
499
00:18:09,458 --> 00:18:10,959
Bad news, bud.
500
00:18:10,959 --> 00:18:12,333
What?
501
00:18:12,333 --> 00:18:13,917
I just talked to Elliot Salad.
502
00:18:13,917 --> 00:18:15,875
He-he said he was gonna
think about it.
503
00:18:15,875 --> 00:18:18,208
Well, he...thought about it.
504
00:18:18,208 --> 00:18:19,542
[sighs]
505
00:18:19,542 --> 00:18:21,458
Fuck!
506
00:18:21,458 --> 00:18:24,000
♪♪♪
507
00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:25,291
- Well done.
- That was great, thank you.
508
00:18:25,291 --> 00:18:27,750
[Sean] Thank you so much
for coming in.
509
00:18:27,750 --> 00:18:29,083
I liked her a lot.
510
00:18:29,083 --> 00:18:30,208
She made some
very smart choices.
511
00:18:30,208 --> 00:18:31,083
Mm.
512
00:18:31,083 --> 00:18:34,417
I thought she was
a bit rumpy.
513
00:18:34,417 --> 00:18:35,959
As in?
514
00:18:35,959 --> 00:18:36,750
Too much rump.
515
00:18:36,750 --> 00:18:38,542
- Too much rump.
- Mm.
516
00:18:38,542 --> 00:18:39,750
Switch seats with me.
517
00:18:43,417 --> 00:18:44,250
Who's next?
518
00:18:44,250 --> 00:18:45,792
Uh, Anthony Powner Smith.
519
00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:47,458
- No. No, no, no, no.
- What?
520
00:18:47,458 --> 00:18:48,750
We had this conversation.
521
00:18:48,750 --> 00:18:49,875
- Did we?
- You know we did.
522
00:18:49,875 --> 00:18:51,041
It was the day you brought in
your apple crumble.
523
00:18:51,041 --> 00:18:54,000
Mmm, I remember
the crumble.
524
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:55,542
I'm sure you'll recall,
525
00:18:55,542 --> 00:18:57,750
as you were whipping
your cinnamon cream,
526
00:18:57,750 --> 00:19:00,500
we had a vehement conversation
about Anthony Powner Smith.
527
00:19:00,500 --> 00:19:04,417
We were absolutely explicit
about not bringing him in.
528
00:19:04,417 --> 00:19:05,375
He's a brilliant actor.
529
00:19:05,375 --> 00:19:06,208
- Absolutely.
- Yes.
530
00:19:06,208 --> 00:19:08,792
No question, and...
531
00:19:08,792 --> 00:19:11,667
paralyzed,
brilliantly paralyzed.
532
00:19:11,667 --> 00:19:14,750
Well, I'm sorry if you two have
issues with hiring the disabled.
533
00:19:14,750 --> 00:19:15,750
Nothing to do
with him being disabled.
534
00:19:15,750 --> 00:19:17,959
No, no, no, the whole
conceit of our show
535
00:19:17,959 --> 00:19:20,166
is that everyone plays
two very different parts.
536
00:19:20,166 --> 00:19:21,250
If he's in a wheelchair
for both of them,
537
00:19:21,250 --> 00:19:24,750
that hardly makes him
chameleon-like.
538
00:19:24,750 --> 00:19:28,291
Well, they'd obviously
be different chairs.
539
00:19:28,291 --> 00:19:29,834
Look, it's five minutes
540
00:19:29,834 --> 00:19:32,000
out of your
oh-so-busy lives.
541
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:32,959
Who knows?
He might surprise you.
542
00:19:32,959 --> 00:19:34,250
By tap-dancing.
543
00:19:34,250 --> 00:19:36,000
[gasps]
That is wildly offensive.
544
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:37,083
You're wildly offensive.
545
00:19:37,083 --> 00:19:40,083
So, um,
should I bring him in?
546
00:19:40,083 --> 00:19:41,417
- [Tim] Absolutely.
- [Sean] Well, he's here now.
547
00:19:41,417 --> 00:19:43,500
[Beverly] Well,
we can't not, um...
548
00:19:43,500 --> 00:19:44,500
Anthony?
549
00:19:44,500 --> 00:19:45,750
[chair whirs]
550
00:19:45,750 --> 00:19:47,083
Hello, good people.
551
00:19:47,083 --> 00:19:48,375
- [Sean] Hello, ah.
- [Tim] Welcome.
552
00:19:48,375 --> 00:19:49,917
[Beverly] Thank you
so much for coming in.
553
00:19:49,917 --> 00:19:51,208
- [Sean] Ah.
- [Beverly laughs nervously]
554
00:19:51,208 --> 00:19:51,875
Ah!
Hang on.
555
00:19:51,875 --> 00:19:54,333
Bit of a snag.
556
00:19:54,333 --> 00:19:57,375
[clears throat]
557
00:19:57,375 --> 00:19:59,917
I was going to say, I--
558
00:19:59,917 --> 00:20:01,834
Almost.
559
00:20:01,834 --> 00:20:02,792
It's all about
the trajectory.
560
00:20:02,792 --> 00:20:03,834
Can we help?
561
00:20:03,834 --> 00:20:05,750
No, no, I've got it.
562
00:20:05,750 --> 00:20:07,625
Um, it's--
563
00:20:09,625 --> 00:20:10,208
Just, uh--
564
00:20:10,208 --> 00:20:12,875
Happens all the time.
565
00:20:12,875 --> 00:20:14,208
You sure? We--
566
00:20:14,208 --> 00:20:16,041
Oh, no, no,
I can totally do it.
567
00:20:16,041 --> 00:20:17,041
[chair motor sputtering]
568
00:20:17,041 --> 00:20:20,875
Ah. There we go--
No, hang on.
569
00:20:20,875 --> 00:20:22,333
I made it a little worse here.
570
00:20:25,583 --> 00:20:27,291
Bloody fucker!
571
00:20:27,291 --> 00:20:30,208
This chair seems
to expand in the heat.
572
00:20:30,208 --> 00:20:32,041
Well, it is
a very narrow doorframe.
573
00:20:32,041 --> 00:20:33,709
Oh, it's ridiculously narrow.
574
00:20:33,709 --> 00:20:35,250
Runway models would
get stuck there.
575
00:20:35,250 --> 00:20:36,333
[motor running]
576
00:20:36,333 --> 00:20:37,792
Are you sure we can't help?
577
00:20:37,792 --> 00:20:39,333
- No, I've got it!
- No, no rush.
578
00:20:39,333 --> 00:20:40,417
We're-we're going nowhere.
579
00:20:44,458 --> 00:20:45,917
[motor running]
580
00:20:45,917 --> 00:20:49,333
[gasps, breathes heavily]
581
00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:53,083
[sighs]
582
00:20:53,083 --> 00:20:55,750
That wasn't so hard, was it?
583
00:20:55,750 --> 00:20:56,750
Is your hand bleeding?
584
00:20:56,750 --> 00:20:58,166
Hmm? Oh.
585
00:20:58,166 --> 00:20:59,583
Hardly. It's fine.
586
00:20:59,583 --> 00:21:00,333
No worries.
587
00:21:00,333 --> 00:21:01,792
[Sean] So welcome.
588
00:21:01,792 --> 00:21:03,375
- So thrilled you could come in.
- Wow, what a treat.
589
00:21:03,375 --> 00:21:05,500
- Huge fans.
- Especially me.
590
00:21:05,500 --> 00:21:07,083
Oh, you're very kind.
591
00:21:07,083 --> 00:21:08,917
Say, uh,
it's a wonderful script.
592
00:21:08,917 --> 00:21:10,625
Oh, thank you.
593
00:21:10,625 --> 00:21:11,542
[Anthony]
It's very, very funny.
594
00:21:11,542 --> 00:21:14,458
Both, uh--both roles so...
[smacks lips]
595
00:21:14,458 --> 00:21:15,750
so tasty.
596
00:21:15,750 --> 00:21:17,417
Uh, by the way,
597
00:21:17,417 --> 00:21:19,750
if there is any concern
598
00:21:19,750 --> 00:21:21,417
about the chair--
599
00:21:21,417 --> 00:21:23,417
- What? The chair? No.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
600
00:21:23,417 --> 00:21:25,500
I can assure you
that I will be out of it
601
00:21:25,500 --> 00:21:27,333
by the time
we're ready to shoot.
602
00:21:27,333 --> 00:21:31,083
Uh, that's wonderful,
but, um,
603
00:21:31,083 --> 00:21:34,125
that is in only three weeks.
604
00:21:35,750 --> 00:21:38,792
Oh.
605
00:21:38,792 --> 00:21:39,375
Uh-huh.
606
00:21:39,375 --> 00:21:41,959
That's-that's a little
607
00:21:41,959 --> 00:21:43,458
sooner than I was told.
608
00:21:43,458 --> 00:21:46,542
But I'm sure
I'll be fine by then.
609
00:21:46,542 --> 00:21:47,000
[clears throat]
610
00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:49,291
Right, well, uh.
611
00:21:49,291 --> 00:21:51,166
Shall we--
shall we read a little?
612
00:21:51,166 --> 00:21:52,208
- [Beverly] Yes.
- [Sean] Please.
613
00:21:52,208 --> 00:21:54,750
Maybe we can start
with Reg,
614
00:21:54,750 --> 00:21:55,959
the scene
with his daughter?
615
00:21:55,959 --> 00:21:56,709
- Reg it is.
- Great choice.
616
00:21:56,709 --> 00:21:57,959
I'll be reading with you.
Ready?
617
00:21:57,959 --> 00:22:00,041
Let's do it.
618
00:22:01,083 --> 00:22:03,417
"Dad, get down from there."
619
00:22:04,917 --> 00:22:10,750
♪♪♪
620
00:22:22,709 --> 00:22:24,834
What?
621
00:22:24,834 --> 00:22:26,875
Just wanted to say good-bye.
622
00:22:26,875 --> 00:22:29,542
And then I wanted
to watch you leave.
623
00:22:29,542 --> 00:22:30,834
[scoffs]
624
00:22:30,834 --> 00:22:31,750
Dick.
625
00:22:31,750 --> 00:22:35,250
Aw, I'm gonna miss
these little talks.
626
00:22:35,250 --> 00:22:37,333
Shame this didn't work out.
627
00:22:37,333 --> 00:22:40,208
But hey,
we had a good run.
628
00:22:42,125 --> 00:22:44,083
You remember when
all you wanted was a window?
629
00:22:44,083 --> 00:22:46,208
I don't need a window.
630
00:22:46,208 --> 00:22:47,959
I could throw you
through a wall.
631
00:22:47,959 --> 00:22:51,041
[chuckling]
Whoa, please, do it.
632
00:22:51,041 --> 00:22:53,250
That's just what
your career needs.
633
00:22:53,250 --> 00:22:56,417
One more nail.
[chuckles]
634
00:22:56,417 --> 00:22:57,583
Oh, oh-oh-oh.
635
00:22:57,583 --> 00:23:00,208
In case you were wondering,
636
00:23:00,208 --> 00:23:04,375
there's a camera
on every one of those boxes.
637
00:23:04,375 --> 00:23:06,625
Who do you think
decided to stay on you?
638
00:23:12,500 --> 00:23:14,125
You don't have the ball
639
00:23:14,125 --> 00:23:15,750
to do that.
640
00:23:15,750 --> 00:23:17,375
No?
641
00:23:18,625 --> 00:23:21,959
Well, then you killed
your own fucking show.
642
00:23:21,959 --> 00:23:23,250
Well, I think we're
gonna be all right.
643
00:23:23,250 --> 00:23:26,375
I just got word
we're very close
644
00:23:26,375 --> 00:23:28,417
to signing Mr. Howie Mandel.
645
00:23:28,417 --> 00:23:29,083
Yeah?
Great.
646
00:23:29,083 --> 00:23:30,417
That's right.
647
00:23:30,417 --> 00:23:34,041
It's time to pass
the old baton.
648
00:23:34,041 --> 00:23:35,375
He probably won't touch it,
649
00:23:35,375 --> 00:23:37,959
but who can blame him?
650
00:23:38,917 --> 00:23:40,083
[Matt scoffs]
651
00:23:40,083 --> 00:23:42,583
Oh, by the way,
652
00:23:42,583 --> 00:23:44,667
let me know if you need
any more boxes.
653
00:23:46,125 --> 00:23:47,875
♪ light music ♪
654
00:23:47,875 --> 00:23:50,417
And then watching him try
to get out the door at the end.
655
00:23:50,417 --> 00:23:52,583
Longest 45 minutes
of my life.
656
00:23:52,583 --> 00:23:55,500
Like watching Stephen Hawking
thread a needle.
657
00:23:55,500 --> 00:23:55,959
[laughs]
658
00:23:55,959 --> 00:23:58,917
Oh, look.
659
00:23:58,917 --> 00:23:59,750
Well, I'm out of here.
660
00:23:59,750 --> 00:24:01,667
We've been trying
to call you all day.
661
00:24:01,667 --> 00:24:03,834
Yeah, I had to turn
my phone off.
662
00:24:03,834 --> 00:24:05,750
Oh, my God,
it's everywhere.
663
00:24:05,750 --> 00:24:07,417
[scoffs]
You think?
664
00:24:07,417 --> 00:24:09,750
In the room, we've been
calling it "Mattstergate."
665
00:24:09,750 --> 00:24:11,333
[both chuckle]
666
00:24:11,333 --> 00:24:13,417
- Just...
- It's just a...
667
00:24:13,417 --> 00:24:14,875
- Once or twice.
- A bit of wordplay.
668
00:24:14,875 --> 00:24:16,083
Well, they fired me.
669
00:24:16,083 --> 00:24:17,041
- What? No.
- Oh, my God.
670
00:24:17,041 --> 00:24:18,458
Get in.
I don't want anyone to see me.
671
00:24:18,458 --> 00:24:20,208
Might want to put up
your top, then.
672
00:24:20,208 --> 00:24:22,083
It's nice out.
673
00:24:22,083 --> 00:24:24,875
Just get in.
674
00:24:24,875 --> 00:24:26,333
[Beverly]
Uh, where are we going?
675
00:24:26,333 --> 00:24:28,125
[Matt]
Anywhere but here.
676
00:24:28,125 --> 00:24:29,959
[Sean] I'm afraid we're due
back in the room.
677
00:24:29,959 --> 00:24:32,083
[Beverly]
And our car's here.
678
00:24:32,083 --> 00:24:33,291
I just got fired
and my dick's online.
679
00:24:33,291 --> 00:24:35,583
Yeah, right, you win.
680
00:24:35,583 --> 00:24:38,458
♪♪♪
681
00:24:40,375 --> 00:24:43,000
You realize, when I die,
682
00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:45,166
this is what they're gonna
remember me for?
683
00:24:45,166 --> 00:24:46,834
After everything else,
684
00:24:46,834 --> 00:24:49,333
it'll be this one
stupid thing.
685
00:24:49,333 --> 00:24:51,125
I know.
686
00:24:51,125 --> 00:24:52,041
It doesn't seem fair
to all
687
00:24:52,041 --> 00:24:53,959
the other stupid things
you've done.
688
00:24:53,959 --> 00:24:55,458
[scoffs] I'm serious.
689
00:24:55,458 --> 00:24:57,125
This is gonna follow me
for the rest of my life.
690
00:24:57,125 --> 00:24:58,166
You don't know.
Give it time.
691
00:24:58,166 --> 00:25:00,625
People forget.
692
00:25:00,625 --> 00:25:03,333
They're still talking
about Janet Jackson's nipple.
693
00:25:03,333 --> 00:25:05,291
And that didn't squirt
anything at anybody.
694
00:25:06,667 --> 00:25:08,792
You have ruined
so many meals for me.
695
00:25:08,792 --> 00:25:10,166
It's such bullshit.
696
00:25:10,166 --> 00:25:12,375
There are people
who've committed real crimes
697
00:25:12,375 --> 00:25:13,917
and aren't in jail.
698
00:25:13,917 --> 00:25:15,834
Uh, you realize
you're not in jail either?
699
00:25:15,834 --> 00:25:16,959
Well, I can't go home.
700
00:25:16,959 --> 00:25:20,500
Because you have paparazzi
in front of your house.
701
00:25:20,500 --> 00:25:22,375
Houses.
702
00:25:22,375 --> 00:25:23,500
Houses.
703
00:25:23,500 --> 00:25:25,208
[lively music plays on TV]
704
00:25:25,208 --> 00:25:27,375
Ugh, it's on.
705
00:25:27,375 --> 00:25:28,417
You-you don't have
to watch it.
706
00:25:28,417 --> 00:25:30,583
Well, it's
the last one I'm on.
707
00:25:30,583 --> 00:25:32,667
I should see it.
708
00:25:32,667 --> 00:25:36,709
Good evening, I'm Merc Lapidus,
executive producer of The Box.
709
00:25:36,709 --> 00:25:37,500
Fuck me.
710
00:25:37,500 --> 00:25:40,000
The episode you're about to see
711
00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:43,417
was filmed last night
before the unfortunate incident
712
00:25:43,417 --> 00:25:45,500
I'm sure you're all aware of.
713
00:25:45,500 --> 00:25:47,291
Scumbag.
714
00:25:47,291 --> 00:25:49,792
We considered postponing
tonight's broadcast,
715
00:25:49,792 --> 00:25:52,375
but we felt it wouldn't
be fair to the contestants
716
00:25:52,375 --> 00:25:53,458
or the millions of fans
of the game.
717
00:25:53,458 --> 00:25:55,166
Be balder!
718
00:25:55,166 --> 00:25:57,291
We apologize to anyone
who may have been offended
719
00:25:57,291 --> 00:25:59,083
by the images you saw today.
720
00:25:59,083 --> 00:26:02,083
They don't reflect the spirit
of good, clean fun
721
00:26:02,083 --> 00:26:03,375
that this game represents.
722
00:26:03,375 --> 00:26:05,709
"Good, clean."
They shit in those boxes.
723
00:26:05,709 --> 00:26:07,542
I hope you continue to join us
as we move forward
724
00:26:07,542 --> 00:26:11,375
from this regrettable event.
725
00:26:11,375 --> 00:26:14,667
And now, without further ado,
726
00:26:14,667 --> 00:26:16,875
enjoy The Box.
727
00:26:16,875 --> 00:26:19,875
- [dramatic music playing on TV]
- [announcer] Seven people...
728
00:26:19,875 --> 00:26:23,250
- [intercom beeps]
- [Patty] Elliot Salad on one.
729
00:26:23,250 --> 00:26:24,125
[phone clicks]
730
00:26:24,125 --> 00:26:26,667
Holy shit.
731
00:26:26,667 --> 00:26:28,291
Are you looking
at these overnights?
732
00:26:28,291 --> 00:26:30,834
Seriously, holy shit!
733
00:26:30,834 --> 00:26:33,208
We haven't seen numbers
like this since 9/11.
734
00:26:33,208 --> 00:26:36,250
So now what?
735
00:26:36,250 --> 00:26:37,125
Oh, there's no question.
736
00:26:37,125 --> 00:26:38,250
He's back in?
737
00:26:38,250 --> 00:26:39,750
He was never out.
738
00:26:40,917 --> 00:26:41,875
[sighs]
739
00:26:41,875 --> 00:26:44,792
[cell phone ringtone playing]
740
00:26:46,959 --> 00:26:48,458
[Beverly] Phone!
741
00:26:48,458 --> 00:26:49,709
[grunts]
742
00:26:49,709 --> 00:26:51,834
[ringtone continues]
743
00:26:54,917 --> 00:26:55,667
Mm?
744
00:26:55,667 --> 00:26:56,083
You sitting down?
745
00:26:56,083 --> 00:26:58,125
Sort of.
746
00:26:58,125 --> 00:27:01,750
Numbers through the roof!
747
00:27:01,750 --> 00:27:02,458
No shit?
748
00:27:02,458 --> 00:27:04,917
All is forgiven.
You're back.
749
00:27:04,917 --> 00:27:07,959
In fact, they're
adding another night!
750
00:27:07,959 --> 00:27:08,792
Seriously?
751
00:27:08,792 --> 00:27:09,583
Yup!
752
00:27:09,583 --> 00:27:10,667
Get your ass down there.
753
00:27:10,667 --> 00:27:11,166
You got a show to shoot.
754
00:27:11,166 --> 00:27:14,542
Mm.
755
00:27:14,542 --> 00:27:15,542
We'll see.
756
00:27:15,542 --> 00:27:17,542
He has demands?
757
00:27:17,542 --> 00:27:19,375
What can I say?
758
00:27:19,375 --> 00:27:22,458
He appreciates the added value
he now brings to the show.
759
00:27:22,458 --> 00:27:24,959
He masturbated
in front of America.
760
00:27:24,959 --> 00:27:26,792
And America said,
761
00:27:26,792 --> 00:27:27,917
"Thank you."
762
00:27:27,917 --> 00:27:28,875
What does he want?
763
00:27:28,875 --> 00:27:30,291
He wants what?
764
00:27:30,291 --> 00:27:32,792
A guaranteed series
with 13 on the air.
765
00:27:32,792 --> 00:27:34,834
Jesus Christ.
766
00:27:34,834 --> 00:27:36,500
[Helen] He wants to act.
767
00:27:36,500 --> 00:27:38,291
Oh, and he wants
one other thing.
768
00:27:38,291 --> 00:27:41,166
[hammer pounding]
769
00:27:41,166 --> 00:27:43,792
[tools scraping]
770
00:27:43,792 --> 00:27:45,625
[sighs]
You wanted to see me?
771
00:27:45,625 --> 00:27:47,250
Yup.
772
00:27:52,750 --> 00:27:55,333
That's it.
Just wanted to see you.
773
00:27:55,333 --> 00:27:57,166
You know,
774
00:27:57,166 --> 00:27:58,834
in the light.
775
00:28:02,333 --> 00:28:04,417
[announcer] As we open up
The Box...
776
00:28:04,417 --> 00:28:08,291
[cheers and applause]
777
00:28:21,542 --> 00:28:24,000
Anybody got any Windex?
778
00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:26,875
[laughter and applause]
779
00:28:31,625 --> 00:28:33,291
[man, shouting]
Hey, Matt!
780
00:28:33,291 --> 00:28:35,750
[keys clacking]
781
00:28:35,750 --> 00:28:38,750
♪ quirky music ♪
782
00:28:38,750 --> 00:28:42,875
♪♪♪
51146
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