Original subtitles

And I nominate any guest who doesn't come to our wedding

dressed as a character beginning with "A" or "C".

I've been gambling. What?

I told you, Luke, I don't do instalments.

My hand feels weird without it.

♪ And then she smiles

♪ And my heart starts beating

♪ I go weak inside ♪

Oh! Thought it was just me and the milkman got up this early.

I'm catching the 6:30. Interview's at nine.

Of course. You look great.

Do I? Yeah.

Oh, before I forget. I got this for Ben.

Just a little good luck card from me and Katie.

Aw, thanks, presh. But to be honest, he's that confident of passing,

he's already been on at Karl to buy him a car.

Hm! Well, fingers crossed. For both of us.

And don't worry,

you'll be brilliant! Thanks.

Half this stuff ain't even paid for, man!

Have you done the stereo?

You are not gonna believe this! What?

'Rob's flying back? Today?' 'Today.'

Yes! Well, why didn't you tell me?!

I just did! I wasn't expecting him to jump on a plane, was I?

I thought when he said he'd sort things,

I thought he'd just transfer some money or...

Well, carry on! Don't mind me.

I'm just the Pontyberry gooseberry be here.

Where's he gonna stay? The Belmont?

I would've thought so. No, he'll stay with us.

You haven't got no beds, have you? They didn't take the beds.

Oh, that was generous of them.

Right, well, I know your father's gonna sort you out

but I want you to have this for now.

Woah! Mam, I can't. It's Bobby's rent.

And it's for food, Luke. Nothing else.

Don't be giving it to Iwan bloody Jenkins.

Thanks.

And over in the black bag are your costumes.

I know most probs you don't feel like celebrating Alan and Celia's nuptials, right now...

- Not really, no. - But at least you'll all have something to wear.

Nothing more socially embarrassing than turning up at a fancy-dress wedding without a costume.

I don't know, living in a house with no furniture comes a close second.

Cavemen? Well it begins with a "C", don't it?

Be grateful you're not Aunty Brenda. She don't wanna be Carmen Miranda.

Who?

What do you reckon?

"C" for chauffeur? You look like a Thunderbird.

You're not wearing that on the test - are you? - No! It's for tomorrow.

Big Al have asked me to drive him and Celia to their wedding.

You got to pass first, presh. No probs. I'm gonna smash it.

Hm! Not if you're late, you're not. Oh, bollocks!

Language!

Right, I'd better go too, get ready for our houseguest.

Thanks for the money, Mam. Eh, and you Bobs.

So long.

Aw!

Never-ending worry, your kids, aren't they, Stell?

Hm!

We failed didn't we, Dad?

"Fail" is a four-letter word, - Little Alan. - I know.

And we failed, didn't we?

Yeah, we failed.

But why? Because we had everything!

Except customers.

- He's here then. - Aye! He thinks it's gonna go like a hot cake.

- Oh, love. - What do you always say about "When one door closes..."?

Another one slams in your face.

Right, come on. I could murder a cup of tea.

Anyone know a good caff?

This is for you, Stella. It gives me great pleasure in awarding you

the St Catherine's Student Scholarship for next year.

Oh! Is this a practical joke?

No. The scholarship is essentially a reward for achievement

and diligence and you've just aced your exams.

You should be very proud.

OK, rabble, back to work.

You know, Stella, this will open up new horizons.

I'm very glad I was still here to present you with the award.

Oh, my God! Are you dying? No.

It's just that I'm opening up new horizons too.

I'm off to Kenya at the end of the month to continue my research.

Thank you so much for this. It means the world, I promise you.

It's not really me you should be thanking, it's Sister Spragg.

Cheryl?

Cheryl? Can I just say a big thanks?

Mr Honey told me what you did for me, the scholarship and that.

Your gratitude is unnecessary. It was common sense.

Can't believe you nominated me. I never thought you even liked me.

- I don't. - Oh! Liking had nothing to do with it.

- You were my best pupil. - But you seemed to give me the hardest time.

Oh, wake up and smell the Dettol, Morris.

A sergeant's always toughest on his top soldier.

Anyway, massive thanks. Can I give you a little qutch?

Absolutely not.

Katie, darling. Yep, just got back.

Um, kind of. Listen, I need to talk to Stella

but can I see you this evening? Oh, no, I'm fine. It's just...

Look, I'll fill you in when I see you later. OK. Bye.

Come in, come in. I have got amazing news.

I'm desperate to tell someone but everyone's out.

Why is everyone always out when you wanna brag, have you noticed that?

Well, I'm your man. Brag away.

Oh, my God! Guess what? Rob is flying back to help Luke!

- Is he? Bloody hell! - Yeah, Luke rang him and he just jumped on a plane.

So is that your news?

What? Oh, no!

No! My news is that...

Well, hang on. How did the - interview go? - No, you first.

- No, you. - But you started. Michael, just tell me!

I will. After you tell me. OK.

You are looking at the St Cat's scholarship recipient for next year.

They like me, Michael. They really like me!

Well that's fan-bloody-tastic! Oh!

It'll look stonking on the CV, of course. Who knows where it'll lead.

I'm so pleased for you. - Congratulations. - Thanks.

So, come on...? Well, they, um,...

...they offered me the job.

Brilliant! I knew they would. It means moving to London.

Of course it does. Yeah. The money's incredible.

It's an amazing opportunity. I should think so too!

And, to be honest, there's nothing to really keep me here now.

- No. - Because Katie can finish the college year. Jan's just down - the road. - There's always Jan.

And you, you'll keep an eye on her - for me, won't you? - Course I will.

She's welcome here whenever - she wants. You know that. - Yes.

So... it's all good.

Yeah.

It's all good.

Good God! You were quick!

Hello, Stella.

Michael, this is Rob... Morgan. Rob, this is Michael.

Jackson. Hee-hee!

Always like to get that out the way.

Sure. Nice to meet you. You too.

Er, cup of tea, everyone? Er, thanks, no.

I've got to go. I'll see you all later.

- Bye. - Well done, again. Oh, thanks.

Sorry. Um, briefcase!

So that was Michael.

Yeah. We're just friends now.

Yeah, I heard. I'm sorry about that. Me too.

So, where's this boy of ours then? Probably at the car lot.

Honestly, Rob, we've been worried sick about him.

Ma-am!

Well?

I passed!

Oh, that's brilliant!

Congratulations!

What are you doing here?!

Thing is, Yant, now's the time to do it, before the sprog do come.

Where to you looking? The whole of the UK.

Well, Wales, anyway. Preferably Pontyberry.

Same street as her mam, ideally.

Shit a brick. Rob Morgan! Hey! The sheriff's back in town.

How's it hanging, butt? Oh, good thanks. How are you?

Top notch. Buying a house, I am. Are you?

I'm not too good, Rob. Despite the increase in medication,

I can only sleep at night with the light on in a chair.

Anyway, it's good to catch up.

Luke's in the office, is he?

Well, look what the cat have dragged up from the sewer!

Ah, it's lovely to see you too, Aunty Brenda.

You're the last bad penny this one wants turning up, believe you me.

She've already been publicly humiliated

by her two timing whatyercall of a whatsname.

Any more heartache and she'll pile them pounds back on

quicker than Nigella in a cake shop.

Luke's in the office, is he? No. Never turned up for work this morning.

He'll no doubt be at the gaming tables

gambling away his ill-gotten gains from his stint as a male prostitute.

- What? - He wasn't a male prostitute, it was an escort agency.

Honestly, Rob, the worry that boy have brought upon this family

is absolutely shaming.

There you are! There you are!

I've got to get back up the hospital. That's all right.

I'll drop you off and then I'll go and look for him. See you, boys!

So long. Hey-hey.

And don't worry, we'll get it sorted.

Thanks for coming back, Rob.

Alan! Alan!

Oh, thanks.

Where's Amanda?

She won't be coming. Eh?

She wants a divorce. She's having an affair.

What? Never trust a woman, Alan.

They'll wring you out and hang you up by the nadgers.

Thanks for that. I'm getting - - married tomorrow. - What time? - Two.

- You got ages yet. Get out. - Oh! Get out while you still can.

Before she breaks your...

Eh! Eh, come on bro. It's all right.

Nice cup of tea, is it? All right.

My dad said payment tomorrow. That - right? - Aye. Cash mind tell him.

I do hope your father knows what he's doing.

Because these chickens don't go cheap.

They don't go nothing at the moment. They're dead, man.

Faraona, eh? Oh, my God! It's you!

I am such a massive fan. Well, grazie, young man.

And that's a fantastic bird, the faraona. Well, the guinea fowl.

Cooking 'em for my dad's wedding, I am.

Be very careful. If you cook this for too long,

she will be as tough as your old boots.

- Hey, Georgio. - Oh, my God! Is that...?Yeah! It's him.

Gino D'Acampo.

It's a pleasure to meet you, - Mr D'Acampo. - Hey, ciao, bella.

I love you in Strictly. I watch it every week!

- I feel like I'm grieving. - I know. - She was a special lady. - Sod her.

I'm talking about the house! We've only just had the loft done. And I'm not gonna lose that!

No. Gotcha. Right. Um, I know this is a difficult time for you

but, er, I was wondering if you could lend me a few quid?

- Sorry? - It's the cafe, see? We're closing down.

I've lost everything. But I've gone a bit overboard with the wedding

and I just don't know how I'm gonna pay for it all.

Did you not just hear what I said?

I have to plough every spare penny into a lawyer.

Of course.

What you need to do is just pare everything right down.

Cut out the unnecessaries, hmmm?

Sign for this, will you? What is it?250 helium balloons.

We'll come straight to the point. We want to buy your house.

Oh!

It may well have been a bad line but that's not my fault, is it?

The thing is, I've got 250 balloons that are completely useless.

No! Alan and Ceel.

Alan and Ceel!

Yeah, please tell me Adam and Neil

isn't written on the cake we ordered too.

The Jamaican cake. The rum one.

No, we're not Jamaican!

Fourteen red.

Any luck? Dad!

Let's go and see this Iwan Jenkins, shall we?

Two grand, yeah?

That's right.

Much obliged.

I've got another 2K here.

How would you like to make it four? Why would you want to do that?

Double or quits.

Rob...

I don't think you can own a bookies and not be a betting man.

One flip, Iwan.

Four grand.

What do you say?

Heads or tails?

Shit.

Shit.

Sh-i-i-i-i-i-t!

Are you for real?

You could have just lost four grand in there! Are you mad?!

Perhaps not.

Two heads? But what if he hadn't called tails?

I've got another one in my pocket - with two tails on. - With two tails.

Classic!

I lost ten grand on the flip of one of them once.

The bloke who conned me left them to me in his will.

Cheeky bastard, eh? Ten grand?

I know more about all this than you think I do, Luke.

About 12 years ago, I nearly lost everything.

I started on the internet. I thought it was harmless.

It wasn't long before I was coming out of casinos as kids were going to school.

Card tables are bloody lonely places.

Tell me about it.

It's a thrill at the time - though, innit? - Oh, yes.

The thrill is always, I don't know,

covering up something else.

Oh, here we go. Amateur psychologist alert!

See, I'd made all this money, successful businessman,

nice house, posh car,

but I still had a son in Wales I'd never seen.

I couldn't face up to that. All that guilt.

And the gambling was a way of...

Well, it made me feel better somehow.

Eh, look, Rob I'm not sure... To be honest with you,

the reasons why I gambled don't actually matter.

If you're an addict, you're an addict.

I'm not a bloody addict! Christ! What are you saying?

Trying to make me sound - like a junkie. - Took me a while to face up to it.

I had a problem.

Do you think you've got a problem with gambling, Luke?

Oh, shut up, man.

Do you think you've got a problem, Luke?

You know, all them years when I was growing up,

get the piss taken out of you in school cos you haven't got a dad.

Or them chapel-on-a-Sunday types

who feel, "Oh, so sorry for the poor lad" cos his father abandoned him.

Then you end up in jail and people say, "It's cos he hasn't got a dad."

I can imagine that it was pretty - tough. - I could handle all that, Rob.

Honestly, I could.

But then you come back

and I got to know you

and you were this big-shot businessman,

money no object, everything you touched turned to gold.

And you got me out to Canada. That failed.

You set me up in business.

That failed.

So then I'm left on my own.

You were never on your own, Luke. And apart from... apart from...

Zoe and Jack and my beautiful little Sophie,

who are the only things that I've ever succeeded at,

everything else is a big fat fail.

So when I'm stood there at the roulette table,

or waiting for my horse to cross the finish,

or to get dealt a good hand...

...that's when I don't feel a failure

because that's when I could still win.

And when I do, because I do win sometimes, Rob,...

...it's the best feeling in the world.

And when you lose?

Well, losing's what I'm used to. Losing's what I expect.

And what I deserve.

The whole wedding's just spiralled out of control.

One idea just led to another.

The catalogue made it look so easy and reasonable, I thought.

But pound by pound, it kept going up and now I just...

Stella, are you asleep?

Right. Well, I best be off then.

Celia's doing tuna Bolognese. Bloody awful stuff

but I said I liked it once, now I'm stuck with it. Oh!

Shall I answer that on my way out?

Night.

All right, come in. Oh, hi, Al.

In by there, she is. - I think she's dropped off. - OK.

Psst!

What? Yep. Mm!

Oh!

Where's Alan?

Oh, he's gone. Er, he looked quite stressed. He was scratching and...

Do you know he spent two grand - on fireworks for tomorrow? - Has he?

Mmm. What's with the wine?

Well, we didn't finish talking earlier when Rob arrived...

No... I just thought we should celebrate, you know,

your scholarship and my job offer...

And I've got another bit of news as well.

Good or bad? That depends on how you view it.

Karl and Nadine are buying my house!

It was too good an offer - to turn down. - Are you insane?

That's a bit dramatic, isn't it? Dramatic?!

I thought you'd be pleased. Oh, charming. Why didn't you discuss it with me?

Why should I?We're meant to be - friends. - You care more about them

- moving in than me moving out! - Why should I care about you moving out?

- Because of us! - There is no "us". Until recently we lived together.

We stopped "us" when you had sex - with a 28-year-old! - Let it go!

I got over you weeks ago. You're like a dog with a bone.

You're too arrogant to believe that's possible!

Chewing it over and over. I think you like having a problem.

- I really do! - My problems started the day you moved in next door and ruined my life!

- Ruined your life? - I was happy until - then. - You're such a drama queen!

The sooner you fuck off to London - the better. - You still love me. - - I don't! - Yes, you do! - No, I don't.

So say it. Say, "Michael, I don't love you any more." Michael, I don't love you any more!

♪ You could have my favourite face

♪ And favourite name

♪ I know someone who could play the part

♪ But it wouldn't be the same

♪ No, it wouldn't be the same

♪ It wouldn't be the same

♪ No, it wouldn't be the same ♪

Don't move.

Oh, God! What time is it?

Time you got dressed.

You look great. Thanks.

Sorry about last night.

It shouldn't have happened. Why?

You're moving to London for starters!

Well, tell me not to go and I'll stay.

Hmmm! Not as simple as that, though, is it, presh.

See you at the wedding.

What do you think, Sophie? Do you like Grandpa's costume?

No-one's going to look as nice as my plus one. Are they, sweetheart?

Right, well, I've done it.

Was it OK?Yeah, this fella's going to pick me up Tuesday night

and take me to a meeting in Cardiff. Well done.

It's worth giving it a go, eh? I know. But Gamblers Anonymous,

what are people gonna think? People aren't gonna think anything cos people aren't gonna know.

I think that's why they call it "anonymous"?

I'm really proud of you, Luke. Yeah, you'll do it.

I know you will.

Well, if you'll excuse me,

I think my plus one has just done a number two.

Oh, well, you know where the nappies are, Grandpa!

Mm-hm.

Right, ready, big boy?

Oh! Right, come on.

We're going to the party, yes.

♪ Bells will ring, the sun will shine...

Your beauty would indeed bring Rome to its feet.

Oooh, you smooth talking bugger, Anthony. You've pulled.

♪ And we'll never be lonely any more

♪ Because we're going to the chapel

♪ And we're going to get married

- Cosy. - Yes. ♪ Going to the chapel

♪ And we're going to get married

- Ready? - Yes. Take it away, Ben.

♪ And we're going to get married

♪ Going to the chapel of love

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

♪ Going to the chapel of love

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

Sorry I'm late. Pontyberry's gone faggot mad.

I've been mincing all morning.

Say nothing.

Bloody hell, Ben! What are you playing at?

I feel like I've been through a wash. Full cycle.

Bloody heck!

What's wrong with you? You all right?

- Everything all right? - We've had reports of a car that's jumped every red light in the 'Berry,

Last seen heading this way. How do you know it was us?

Apparently, it had a big picture of Dai Davies on the side.

Who was driving the vehicle? - Me. - Show me your driving licence.

I can't. - You can. - He will.

I didn't pass my test, did I? - What? - Ben!

- Oh, Ben! - You are joking? Fine. You're under arrest.

Oh, please! This is our wedding!

Then I take it you have an events licence to put the marquee up here?

- What's that then? - Right! Get that lot down now! I'm sorry.

The wedding's off! No, that is ridiculous!

Come with me.

Calm down! Karl, please don't... Get your hands off my son!

Stand back, please, madam. Crazy Karl 'ere.

Hush, man! It's a wedding not a rugby match!

Look, officer, Ben here may not have a licence but he was driving

under the supervision of a qualified - - driver, wasn't he? - Was he? - Yes.

Alan was giving Ben a driving lesson, weren't you, Alan? - Was I?Yes. - Yes!

That's right. A lesson. On the way to your wedding?

You can never get enough practise, I always say.

The magnetic "L" plates obviously fell off.

The traffic violations were reported and not witnessed by yourself.

I think we both know this is just a - - caution. Don't we, Jean? - Jane. - Jane.

Bloody lawyers. Get out!

Someone asked for me? And who are you?

Abe Lincoln. Who the fuck are you? Excuse me, sir.

Er, Scott owns the company that supplied the marquee.

The licensed marquee. Bloody hell! It's Scott Quinnell!

All right? Say hello to my dad, will you?

He's a Scarlet's season ticket holder.

He'll go bonkers! All right, Dad? Yes.

Everybody, the wedding's back on! Yee-haa! Yee-haa!

Yee-haa!

Bit of a hero, isn't he?

He has his moments.

Is there no way you two can work things out?

He's moving to London. Yeah, I know. He told me.

Did he? It's London not Canada.

Can you meet him halfway? What? Membury Services?

It's not just about the distance.

I know. It's about his little "misdemeanour".

Misdemeanour?

- Is that what he called it? - Oh, here we go. No, he didn't. I did.

Been having a mothers' meeting about - me? - Don't get worked up about it!

Talking about how neurotic I am?

We never actually used the word "neurotic".

He seems like a really good bloke. He's besotted with you.

Well, he should've thought about that... Life's not black and white.

Don't be so stubborn, Stella!

Hiya, neighbour. Now I know what you're thinking... I doubt it.

You're thinking, "Christ! This'll be awkward having my ex-husband

and his much younger, fitter wife living next door."Was I?

But I need your help and advice, Stell.

I've never been a mother before

and, well, your kids adore you, don't they?

So you must be a good one.

Nadine, that is the nicest thing you have ever said to me.

You've got a few by different fathers so you've been round the block a bit.

And she's back in the room! Eh?

Never mind. Come on, the ceremony's starting.

I know it's not quite Windermere

but I wanted to bring the Lakes to you. Is it OK?It's perfect.

We are gathered here today to witness the marriage of Celia Emily Braxton

and Alan Barry John Gareth

Edward JPR

Williams.

If anyone knows any cause or just impediment

why these two persons should not be lawfully wed,

speak now or forever hold your peace.

I now pronounce you husband and wife.

Come here.

Well, that was a fascinating groom's speech.

And I, for one, am now far better educated

in the history of Pontyberry Rugby Club

and its league results 1910 to 2014.

- Bravo! - Which brings us on to the best man's speech!

Alan, you've been such a good friend to me over the past few months.

You've stood by me when you didn't need to.

You've always been a rock in the lives of those around you.

And people say, and I have to agree, that you are

a kind, generous and compassionate man.

And the reason that you and your wife...

...make such a great couple is that

Celia is those things too, in equal measure.

Plus she's prettier.

Anyway, I was hoping to give you some advice on love and marriage

but I'm not sure I'm really qualified.

- Yep! - So I'm going to read you something instead.

Er, it's from the novel Captain Corelli's Mandolin.

Oh, I love this one.

"Love is a temporary madness,

"it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides.

"And when it subsides, you have to make a decision."

"You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together

"that it is inconceivable that you should ever part.

"Because this is what love is.

"Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement,...

"..it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion.

"That is just being 'in love', which any fool can do.

"Love itself is what's left over

"when being 'in love' has burned away.

"Roots that grow towards each other underground,...

"..and when all the pretty blossom has fallen from your branches,

"you find that you are one tree and not two."

To Alan and Celia. May their roots forever be entwined.

He's clearly been drinking.

Alan and Celia!

Well, that was possibly the worst best man's speech I've ever heard.

I told Alan he should've asked me. And what was all that about a tree?

Yeah.

I promise, on my life, that I will never, ever hurt you again.

Right, let's get this straight.

You get the earliest train out of London every Friday.

And the last train back on Sunday nights, without fail.

We can make it work, Stella.

I love you.

Oh!

♪ So I knew

♪ That you would be all right

♪ I knew in my heart you would stay awhile ♪

♪ And I don't know if I'm being foolish

♪ I don't know if I'm being wise Mm! Oh, stop it you!

♪ But it's something that I must believe in...

That, young man, was the most amazing meal ever.

Thank you so much. - You're a real star. - Thanks.

Eh, what's up? Bit tragic, innit?

The only one here without a girlfriend.

Listen, love, sometimes special people

have to wait for special things.

I mean, look at me and your dad.

♪ It's something that I must believe in...

Eh, it's not everyone who's met Gino D'Acampo is it, mmm?

Gino D'Acampo? - You met Gino D'Acampo? - Yeah.

♪ Love is in the air

Cooking's my passion. I adore all the chefs.

And I met Jamie Oliver.

And Gordon Ramsay.

Oh!

It's been such a lovely day. Yeah.

What's the matter? Why are you so twitchy?

Zo, I got something for you.

♪ Love is in the air

Oh, my God! You got it back.

Yeah.

♪ And I don't know if you're an illusion #Will you marry me? Again?

I will marry you again and again

and again and again.

♪ Open up your eyes, then you realise

♪ Here I stand with my everlasting love

♪ Need you by my side, girl, to be my pride...

Brother cocking Alan as I live and breathe.

- Rhian Evans. - You looking well, - beaut. - Likewise.

Cut the crap, Al. I'm hanging and you do know it.

Any grub left from the day do? Bastard Hank, I am.

No. Just invited to the evening do, is it?

I weren't invited at all but there's a free bar and no-one on the door,

so I thought, "Cock it."

♪ Bee Gees - How Deep Is Your Love

Oh! I love this song.

Oi! George the Butcher!

Let's be having you!

♪ I feel you touch me in the pouring rain...

So, are you going to tell me now?

Tell you what?

How we're gonna pay for all this?

Well, I asked my brother.

And?

It was a definite no. What the hell are we gonna do?

I don't know, love.

Forget about them guinea fowls, all right. They're on the house.

You've done enough for me before now.

The marquee, the bar's for free.

My treat. Might make up for those lifts you've given me in the past.

And I'll cover the rest. It's been a good year on the buses

and you and Celia have always been kind to me.

And the Cadillac, let's call it half price.

Free. Of course, I mean free.

Well, how did you all know?

Sorry, I couldn't lend you any money, Al. But, er,

you're not broke. Look around you.

♪ And you may not think... You're very rich... I care for you

♪ When you know down inside... ♪ Hey! Everyone!

It's time for the fireworks!

Hey-yey-yey-yey!

♪ You just gotta ignite the light

Right, everyone, get ready for 15 minutes

of a night sky lit up with magic! Yanto!

Take it away.# Just own the night like the 4th of July... Five

Four, three, two, one ♪ Cos, baby, you're a firework

♪ Come on, show 'em what you're worth

♪ Make 'em go, "Aah, aah, aah"

♪ As you shoot across the sky-y-y

♪ Baby, you're a firework

♪ Come on, let your colours burst

♪ Make 'em go, "Aah, aah, aah"

♪ You're gonna leave 'em all in awe, awe, awe...

♪ Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon ♪

Everyone OK?

15 minutes?! You set it for 15 seconds, man!

I mean, that's my only - worry about London. - What?

Well, it's gonna seem so quiet after Pontyberry.

Oh!

♪ I can't conceal

♪ This way I feel

♪ For all the time we spend together... ♪

I have been desperate to do that for five whole days.

God, so have I.

Once I get you home, I'm not letting you out of the house all weekend.

Psycho.

Oh, my God! Karl and Nadine are doing my head in.

- Why? - Nadine reckons the down pipes - aren't up to EU regulations. - Uh?

And Karl keeps going on - about the rendering. - Nut case!

What the hell is rendering anyway?

Is it safe?

Looks like it.

- Just the man! - Nadine, it's not my - house any more! - I'm not responsible.

Tell him what the rain was like last night. Our gutter is knackered.

Like Viagra Falls it was! Look, I've only just got home,

it's been a long week. We'll talk about this later, yeah?

OK, I apologise. I should never - have sold them the house. - Hmm!

Ben's out for the evening.

So...

Sex on the stairs? Sex on the stairs?

Oh, for God's sake!

Can you get a restraining order on your next-door neighbour?

Nadine, when I said "later", I didn't mean 30 seconds.

Hiya!

What do you want?

I'm glad I caught you, Mike. I've got something for you.

Twelve weeks, I am.

Obviously, it's yours, so I thought I better let you know. Only fair.

Anyway, we'll have to sort out

maintenance and that when the time comes.

It's exciting, isn't it?

So long.

♪ For you I was the flame

♪ Love is a losing game

♪ Five-storey fire as you came

♪ Love is a losing game ♪

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