Original subtitles

Paula?

Hiya, Stell. SHE HOOTS WITH JOY

An airship. My face on one side,

hashtag Vote Aunty Brenda on the other.

400 today, the rest next week.

The rest?

Can I get you a drink?

Go on, then.

♪ "Kiss Me Honey Honey Kiss Me" - Shirley Bassey

♪ "Kiss me, honey, honey, kiss me

Top o' the morning to you!

All right?

♪ Don't care even if I blow my top but, honey, honey...

What? ♪ Don't stop. ♪

Now then,

I know exactly what you lot are thinking.

With the election tomorrow, our work here is done.

You're thinking, "There's only two people left to vote for,

"Aunty Brenda and Dafydd Sanchez,

"and he is quite literally a joke candidate."

- Que? - And you're probably right.

But now is not the time for complacentness.

I want us marching into our day of destiny tomorrow

giving it 110%,

whether you're responsible for strategy,

image consultancy

or miscellaneous! I do love that word.

We're all in this together!

Things can only get better!

Nice to see you, to see you...

Nice!

Now will someone please get me a skinny latte!

But I was worried about you, Pauls! I didn't know where you were!

I left a message! It wasn't a message, it was more of a drunken monologue.

You said sorry about 50 times

before going on to say how confusing life was.

Then you started talking about global warming.

And then you sang a song from The Lion King.

- I'm really sorry. - Don't worry, you've got a cracking voice.

Why didn't you tell me before?

I mean, I know you were having problems, but divorce?

I was embarrassed, I suppose.

And I thought you might shout at me.

We did try and make it work, Stell. We went to a therapist.

But his Spanish accent was so strong, we couldn't understand what he was saying.

So what are you gonna do now, then?

Honestly?

I haven't got a clue.

SHE SIGHS

What song from The Lion King? Hakuna Matata.

Nice.

We had a deal. We shook hands. You said it was the perfect runaround for your missus.

I've done the paperwork and everything.

Yeah, well, not as sorry as I am.

It's not that confusing! How comes I'm confused, then?

No offence, Karl, but you got confused when they changed the wallpaper in the Legion.

Right. Let's ask Luke by here.

Aw, please don't.

Our new baby is gonna be Emma's half-brother,

which means he's also gonna be an uncle to Abhra.

- Right. - See? He's not confused.

How can a baby be an uncle?

An uncle do have a beard and a pipe.

He do give you five-pound handshakes and ruffle your hair.

A baby as an uncle It's not natural.

A baby is the most natural thing in the world!

SHE SOBS

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

HE SIGHS

We do live in a world beset by problems,

but whether them problems are caused by the internet, chewing gum or the French -

and personally I think it's all three -

I do still have a dream...

of walking hand in hand with the people of Pontyberry,

talking and listening.

Aunty Brenda... Not now, Marj!

She was just gonna ask about... This is not a conversation!

I think she should be heard. What were you gonna say, love?

This stage is for candidates only.

I AM a candidate!

- As of last week. - What?

I saw how this election was going and I didn't like it.

Only two candidates!

Hello. Dafydd Sanchez.

For a town as great as Pontyberry, it's not right.

Now, what were you gonna say?

Well, I've always thought that this town needs a donkey sanctuary.

Ridiculous!

I'll see what I can do. APPLAUSE

I'm making no promises,

but if Pontyberry folk put their minds to it, anything is possible!

CHEERING

You can't say "anything". You've got budgets to stick to.

Not from round here, are you, mate? No, but...

You don't know this town like I do.

These are great people.

That's why I want to give something back,

invest my time and money back into Pontyberry.

You know you can trust me.

Iwan Jenkins, a safe bet!

♪ Theme music from "Rocky"

You can't just come up here and steal my hustings!

It's called democracy, love.

Now, who wants a free pen?

EAGER SHOUTS

How could you not know Iwan Jenkins was standing?

You were supposed to be - head of strategy! - Calm down.

You were fresh out of hospital, remember?

And the stress of dealing with you idiots will send me back in!

Will you be having lunch?

The soup of the day is monkfish. Oh!

Say what you like about Iwan, though, he's got charisma.

Couldn't take your eyes off him.

I knew this outfit was a mistake.

Primary colours radiate power! That's scientific fact.

I said we should go with bright pastels. You talked me into it.

You need to raise your game, - good boy. - Don't be blaming me!

Qualified image consultant indeed

It's not even a proper job.

HE GASPS

Image consultants are the backbone of this country!

Aunty Brenda, can I offer a word of advice?

Oh! Advice, he says!

You think I need advice from a philandering ne'er-do-well

who can't hold down a job?

Suit yourself.

Having lunch, Michael? Er, no. Sorry.

Monkfish soup. It was a mistake.

PAULA SIGHS

PAULA MOANS

Fancy a drink?

I'm revising. Yeah. Sorry. When you're done, eh?

Maybe I should retrain as a nurse. Or a dentist.

What's the one with the feet? Paula... Reflexologist. That's it.

I've literally got nothing to do.

Look, I promise we'll have a chat and a drink later,

but for now, I've really got to get on with this, OK? DOOR OPENS

Mam, I need money. Hello to you, too. Your mother is revising.

I need 90 quid. In fact, better make it 100.

There was loads in here the other day! Where's it all gone?

Don't look at me! I've cashed it in. I'm giving it to Luke.

But I need it for my date with Lily. Luke needs it more than you do.

Now, if you don't mind, I really need to get on.

Shhhhhh!

Bloody hell, Mam!

Your mother is trying to work by here, good boy,

and you are interrupting.

- Actually, you both are. - This is - so unfair! - I'll tell you what's - unfair! - I'm treated like a kid!

You coming in here shouting... I'm old enough to drive now so I'm old enough to loan money.

...while your mother is trying to work!

Just like some kind of diva, like Shirley Bassey! You don't even live here!

HE GRUNTS AGGRESSIVELY Agh, get lost!

You look like a very patient kerb-crawler.

I'm revising. Bit lively indoors.

How's your hand? Sore, but I'll survive.

There's no such word as "I can't get 10,000 pens with your face on"! Try harder!

She's going to lose that election.

Seriously? There's only her and Dafydd Sanchez.

There's some new guy standing. - Iwan Jenkins. - The bookie?

Seems very slick, knows how to talk to people. Vote for Aunty Brenda.

Aw, suit yourself, you miserable...

Call yourself a neighbour?!

I actually tried giving her some advice earlier on.

How did that go?

Aw, look, I know she can be a pain in the bum,

but could you try and speak to her again?

You're good at arguing. You're a lawyer.

She's good at arguing. Yeah, but you're good at arguing and making sense.

I'd really appreciate it.

Please?

Aunty Brenda says she'll listen to what you've got to say

and she's promised to keep an open mind.

Haven't you?

Right. I'll leave you to it.

Where are you going?

I've got a chapter on the pancreas to read.

We can swap if you like.

So long!

Erm... I'm about to say some things that may seem harsh,

but I promise it's meant as constructive criticism.

Don't you worry about me.

I got what-yer-call shoulders and a chin of steel.

I welcome all form of feedback.

OK. Erm, well, sometimes... you can come across as...

Agh, the shame of it!

You sit there like Lord of the Dance telling me how to behave,

and you can't keep your trousers on when a barmaid yells last orders!

See, I knew this was a mistake.

That said, I promised our Stella I'd hear you out,

and I'm not one to let her down.

Unlike you.

So, here we are. I'm listening.

So how have you been? Fine, thank you.

A small bout of reflux oesophagitis, but nothing that requires intervention.

About our thing.

I had a real laugh, but I'm not looking for anything serious.

So if you're happy for our thing to stay a thing and not become a thing,

then maybe we can do it again.

As long as it doesn't become a thing?

I just want a bit of fun, take my mind off the heavy stuff.

Paula, you are an amazing woman

and I find you very sexually alluring, but...

But?

I'm an expert when it comes to the gall bladder and the duodenum.

I'm very much not an expert in romantic liaisons.

It wasn't a liaison. It was a shag.

I'd like to thank you for last night. It truly was wonderful.

A once-in-a-lifetime experience.

All right, then. Fair do's.

You don't fancy going for a drink, do you? Or a film maybe?

BLEEPER GOES OFF

I'm sorry. I have to get on.

Thanks again for coming in.

What in the name of Bryn Terfel are we doing in here?

Look around.

What can you see?

A low-rent cafe with no clear business model.

You can see people. And the fact is you're not good with them.

Aunty Brenda, can I tempt you with...

Not now, Alan Williams!

If you want to win this election, you need to work on your people skills.

So I want you to sit down, have a chat with someone and listen to what they have to say.

Piece of cake.

Sponge or walnut? I said not now!

Going well so far

- Hello, Celia! - Hello. How are you?

- I'm fine! And yourself? - I'm good, thanks. Just planning some ideas for the wedding.

I'm very interested to hear that.

We're thinking of a fancy-dress theme.

People can come dressed as anything beginning with an A or a C. You know? For Alan or Celia.

It's just for fun, cos it's a second wedding for both of us.

Well, you know what they say about second weddings.

They do always end in divorce.

And let's face it, Alan Williams has always held a candle for our Stella.

Lovely chat. Have a rosette.

What was that? The truth can be a wonderful gift.

How do you expect people to vote for you if you speak to them like that?

People in this town think I'm a local treasure.

Really?

Because at the moment you're coming across as unkind, unelectable and, quite frankly, unlikable.

HE SIGHS

Why are you taking photos of your trainers?

Is it some kind of FaceTube thing?

I'm selling them on eBay.

To pay for your date?

Aw, love... Don't do the head-tilt thing. It's patronising.

Listen, if I had more money, you know I'd give it to you.

It's just Luke's a bit strapped at the moment.

New house, all that furniture.

- You do understand, don't you? - Yeah.

Anyway, you don't need money to be romantic.

When I was your age... People had black-and-white telly. They weren't as fussy.

Do you know where your dad took me for our first date?

- A canal. - See? They weren't fussy.

Oh, it was dead romantic.

He made a picnic with all my favourite foods -

cheese and pickle sandwiches with the lumps taken out of the pickle.

All I'm saying is it doesn't matter where you take Lily or how much you spend.

Just make her feel special.

Is that what girls like, then? Yep. That, and men with shoes.

So don't sell 'em, eh?

- Cwtch? - Oh, Mam, no!

Oh, come on. There's no-one here.

HE SIGHS Go on, then. Just one.

Ha-ha-ha!

Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah! All right, Mam, get off. Get off, get off!

Vote Aunty Brenda? Vote Aunty Brenda?

Vote Common Sense Party?

- Vote Aunty Brenda? - Sorry, pet. I'm voting for that Iwan Jenkins.

Two free pens and a cockin' balloon.

I didn't mean to upset you.

No, you were right. We've been here half an hour and no-one wants any of these.

Oh, I'll be glad when this is all over.

I was always very quiet as a girl.

I never said boo to a gooseberry.

I was never the pretty one or the clever one or the popular one.

I was just... chubby little Brenda at the back.

Then one day I thought, to hell with it.

I started talking over them, shouting to get heard.

Been doing it so long now, it's second nature.

That's probably why I'm so unlikable.

I only said that because I was annoyed.

Stella loves you.

And Luke, and Ben.

That's three votes, then.

You can win. You just need to, erm...

You know when people say, "Just - - be yourself"? - Yes. - Well, don't be.

Don't get me wrong. You're a force of nature. People know that.

But to get elected, you need to rein in that part of you that wants to talk over the kids from school,

you need to listen, and above all you need to... Stop interrupting.

THEY CHUCKLE

Right! Enough of that. Back to work.

You can take a moment if you want.

Why? It's no good just standing around.

Hey, you two! Look sharp!

There's no room on Team Aunty Brenda for slackers!

We've got an election to win!

And then you've got Uncle Ben's rice - but who's Uncle Ben?

He's not a baby. He's an old fella with white hair.

Karl, Nadine rang earlier. Asked you to call her back.

Oh, right you are.

Er, this lady's looking for a... What was it again, love?

- A car. - Well, you've come to the right place!

What are you doing here? You weren't answering your phone. Just checking you're still alive.

Hazel said you were - what was the word? - "endearing".

She wants to book you again, escort her to an art gallery, - apparently. - Not interested.

She'll pay double.

No. I'm done with all that.

Do you not like money or something? - I've got a job. - So I see.

Is it always this busy

She don't remember ringing.

Pregnancy do do funny things to the brain.

I'll leave it for now.

But give me a call if anything else comes in.

I've been earning good money. I've got a wodge of twenties like that.

And now they say I gotta pay tax and National thingy.

Of course you gotta pay tax!

Or do you expect the rest of us to foot the bill

while you spend your ill-gotten gains on speedboats and chairs made of heroin?!

MICHAEL CLEARS HIS THROAT

That said, a young entrepreneur like yourself shouldn't be penalised for success.

I will look at your situation

should I be lucky enough to win the seat.

I dunno what you said to her, butt, but it's really done the trick.

And she's got the big debate tomorrow. In front of the whole town.

You should be proud of yourself, son. You've tamed the wild beast.

Vote Iwan Jenkins, a safe bet!

Vote Iwan Jenkins!

There you go. Have a free pen. ♪ Theme music from "Rocky"

It all looks very convincing, but when it comes to business, he knows bugger all.

What do you mean? Well, you know me.

Not wanting to boast, but I sold him a bit of land.

Made an absolute packet. Really? When?

Cheers.

I'm sure I can count on your vote.

Is this for real?

I'm giving something back to my community.

Making a difference, like.

What, you?

Why not me?

Just forget it, all right?

I'll forget it when you've paid me back.

You'll get your money. Oh, I know that.

Thanks again for your support.

- Friend of yours? - No, not really.

He seemed to know you. I almost sold him a car once.

Any idea how he was allowed to stand so late in the day?

- No. - He must have friends on the council.

Like I said, I don't really know him.

I might do a bit of digging. Michael...

Like I said, I don't know him, but I know people who do,

and he's not somebody you want to piss off, OK?

Your Aunty Brenda needs all the votes she can get tonight.

Good morning.

Anyway, I may have found some important information that'll help her out enormously,

but I need to get to the record office.

And...?And I don't have a car.

Don't look at me. I'm revising. And I'm in my jimjams.

It could be fun. We could, er... pretend to be detectives.

What, like Dempsey and Makepeace?

Not terribly current, but yeah, that sort of thing.

OK. Give me ten minutes.

Carley? Luke Morgan. Sorry to ring early.

Look, about this art gallery thing, I... changed my mind.

Yeah, well, I need the money, don't I?

So, where to have I got to be?

So let me get my head round this.

Iwan Jenkins bought some land from Dai Davies.

Yes, claiming he wanted to build an access road to his mother's house.

But there's no house there. I checked the land registry.

Why would he lie? That's what we're gonna find out - hopefully in time for the election.

Which was which, out of Dempsey and Makepeace?

No idea. All I know is Starsky had the dark hair and Hutch was David Soul.

I will cause a distraction.

I've seen loads of fainting in the hospital. It's dead easy to fake.

Then, whilst they're tending to me, you sneak in and take a look at the files.

- We could that. - Great. Or we could just ask.

Excuse me. Can you point us towards the planning files? - First floor. - Thank you very much.

The files are open to the public.

Can I faint anyway? Just for a laugh?

HE SIGHS

Come on.

BOBBY INHALES DEEPLY

Ah! There's nothing like the smell of death

to bring all the good times flooding back.

HE CHUCKLES

Remember when Daddy dropped Hilda Campbell's urn?

Her ashes went AWOL.

So you smoked 20 fags dead quick and we topped her up.

HE CHUCKLES

Mmm... Happy days.

Well, you can't say I didn't try.

I've got no house, no job, no husband

and no idea what to do with myself.

Even Dr Honey doesn't want a return match.

I'm that desperate, I went to the library and got these.

Rediscover The You,

The Sky's The Limit, Fail Is A Four-Letter Word...

HE GASPS

That's by Dr Raj off Richard and Judy!

- You can have it if you want. - Oh!

I may not have the answers to life, the universe and everything,

but I know one thing that'll cheer you up.

Does it involve getting completely twatted?

Even better than that. Come on.

Candidates get two minutes each to outline their policies.

And then it'll be a more standard - back-and-forth debate. - I see.

Candidates should speak one at a time... Of course. Absolutely.

...and not talk over one another. Yes.

Oh, no. No, no, no. Absolutely.

Good luck with that.

Actually, Iwan Jenkins,

I'm looking forward to a reasoned, sensible debate.

Tho am I.

It's hard to have a sensible debate when one of us is in fancy dress.

This no fanthy dreth! This is theremonial cothtume!

I was talking about HER. Oh, God.

You jumped-up little... Ahem!

What a funny comment. You really are a delightful fellow

You made a cake? Yeah. Me and Little Al did.

As long as there's no nuts in it.

- I've got a nut allergy. - Oh.

That's really sweet, though. Thanks.

Oh, God. Sorry. Hang on.

Has your dog been on this blanket? No! I mean, I hope not.

It's just that I'm allergic to dog hair.

Aw, bloody hell, Banjo!

Ben, it's OK. Just relax.

♪ "Only Love Can Hurt Like This - Paloma Faith

I made a playlist. I asked Katie all your favourite songs.

Stalker.

I just wanted it to be... special.

It's lovely, Ben. Seriously.

In fact, this is the best first date I've been on.

SHE SNEEZES Argh!

Oh, God! I'm so sorry!

It's not bleeding.

♪ Only love can hurt like this... ♪

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

What's it supposed to be?

That's for you to interpret.

There's no right or wrong opinion. Just look at it and say what you think.

I think it's...

rubbish.

SHE CHUCKLES

I know this really isn't your thing but look at it like this.

I need the company and you need the money.

HE SIGHS See, what's wrong with painting a picture of a horse or a field

or a bowl of fruit or something?

All in one picture?

It should be nice to look at. Otherwise you might as well call a skipful of bricks a work of art.

Ah, you've seen that exhibition, then

Talking of nice to look at, I paint, you know.

- Still life. - There you go.

- Bowls of fruit and that? - Mm-hm.

And also people. Life drawing.

Nude modelling.

Capturing the essence of the naked form.

Really?

You'd make a good subject, actually.

Are you winding me up?

Thanks.

Have you found anything?

SHE SIGHS My eyes are being bastards.

Is that an actual medical term?

SHE CHUCKLES

This is interesting. Look.

When you say "interesting"...

It's an application for planning permission on the land Iwan owns.

Again, I'm gonna pick you up on the word "interesting".

He's applied to build a casino - and a big one, too.

It's stuck in some red tape because the site is too small,

but that may explain why he's bought the adjoining land from Dai Davies.

- Do you get what I'm saying? - Yeah.

Do you? Really?

- No. - Are you revising while we're talking?!

Look, I can't make head nor tail of this planning stuff. Say it again.

Iwan wants to build a casino, but the council have objected.

Now, all of sudden, Iwan wants... - To be on the council. - Exactly. I think we should ask him why.

When's Aunty Brenda - doing that debate? - Any minute now.

Then there's no time to lose.

I've always wanted to say that.

And finally...

Y finalmente - in Spanish -

...I would like to pledge free wrestling masks for all pensioners

and hildren under thixteen.

SILENCE

Do you have any policies that aren't to do with Mexican wrestling?

Oh, si si si si!

National Sombrero Day! - Arriba! - Arriba! CAMERA CLICKS

- Thank you. - Gracias.

Iwan Jenkins, can you talk us through the key points of your manifesto?

Of course. And may I just say how much I admire your work.

You tell it straight, like it is.

I admire that.

And I'm gonna give it to YOU straight.

I love this town. Always have, always will.

I'm a man who's given a lot to this community.

What, like free pens?

Which is bribery, by the way. Aunty Brenda, please.

And you, fawning away at everything he says! You're influencing the voters!

I think our audience are intelligent enough to make up their own minds.

This lot? Most of them can barely read, let alone put an X in a box!

AUDIENCE GASPS AND GRUMBLES

Sorry. The debate's started. We need to speak to Aunty Brenda. It's urgent.

You have to wait till the interval. This can't wait. It's gonna have to.

We need to give her this. No chance.

Ohhh! I'm feeling really faint. I'm seeing double. I'm fainting.

Oi!

And this is not just the greatest town in Wales...

Aunty Brenda!

...but the greatest town in the world.

Aunty Brenda. - What are you doing? - Read this.

- You can't do that. - I just did.

Sorry. Big fan, by the way.

We'll take questions from the audience after the interval. Please sit down.

Senor, you want me to plathe him in neck hold?

Wait!

Iwan Jenkins, what do you know about the building of a supersized casino in Pontyberry?

AUDIENCE GASPS

I-I'm not sure that's relevant.

But it's been refused planning permission,

and all of a sudden you're standing to be on the council!

Why is that

Do I really have to answer this?

Yes, you do, mate! - Too right you do, mate! - Si!

Why don't you just give it to us straight

I'm not going to apologise for wanting to invest in this town.

But if you must know, as of yesterday, in fact,

I've decided against building a casino.

AUDIENCE SCOFFS

I-I've actually been looking at plans for, erm...

...for an animal sanctuary.

For donkeys. Rescue donkeys.

And dogs. Rescue dogs. AUDIENCE SCOFFS

For the blind. DERISIVE LAUGHTER

And pigs that fly.

LAUGHTER Well done, Aunty Brenda!

Well done!

Do you think we've done enough? Who knows?

Nice fainting, by the way.

It wasn't too over the top? No. It was unbelievably convincing.

I do think it's important that people use their vote.

We do every time, don't we, Karl? Oh, yeah.

X Factor, Got To Dance, Britain's Got Talent.

You have to vote.

We're very lucky over here. People in China, they don't have any of that. It's disgusting.

Luke? Yeah, in here!

Guess who made a picture of her daddy.

Ah-ha-ha! That is lovely. Thank you, darling.

You might have overdone it a bit with the aftershave.

Oh, sorry. Just really wanted to impress this time.

Big client, was it? Er... yeah.

Anyway, you might want to put that suit back on. Council results tonight.

Thought we'd go along, support Aunty Brenda.

It's been ages since we had a night out.

- All right. - Thanks, babe.

I'll go and have a shower.

SHOWER RUNS

Another ten minutes, is it? Give or take.

Hiya! All right?

Oh, Bobs, I have had such an exciting afternoon.

You've done something different to your hair.

- Bobby's cheering me up. - So I see.

Gin slanger slimmer dogs, I do call them.

I'll do you one an' all, Stell. And there's your rent, by there. Oh. Great.

Come on, then, let's have it.

No! It's depressing and boring!

She's right. This'll help.

I feel so bloody lost!

I dunno where I belong, I dunno what I should be doing! Or who she should be doing it with.

Right. Well, firstly, you're not lost, cos you've come back here.

Where else am I meant to go?! Exactly.

No matter how bad things are, you've always got here.

And I'm here. And I'm here. And Daddy.

And no matter where you go, Pontyberry will always be here.

And in here.

Is that a bit much, the pointing at the heart thing? - It was, really. - It was a bit, yeah.

What it is, with friendship...

Shall we just get pissed?

- I'm sorry. - It's OK.

At least it's not broken. That's something.

Are you gonna be all right?

Not much of a date, was it?

Four hours in A&E? Well, it was different.

See you around, then.

Ben, you didn't have to go to all that effort, you know.

You could've just kissed me and taken me out to the cinema.

Oh. Sorry.

- How was that? - Perfect.

Word is it's still very close.

No thanks to you, Dai Davies.

Selling Jenkins your land so he could build a casino in Pontyberry!

Shaming, it is! I was unaware of the ramifications.

Hopefully, I've saved the day.

Pulled Pontyberry back from the brink of Sodom and Gomorrah.

I might go and get some water. - I'm feeling a bit dodgy. - OK.

It's probably something I ate.

Where was it you went for your meeting?

Just, er... a restaurant in town.

Back in a bit.

Excuse me.

Twice in one day?

Is that what I get for offering to pay double?

What are you doing here? I could ask you the same question.

I didn't think you'd be interested in politics.

My aunty's standing.

Aunty Brenda's Common Sense Party.

I don't know about you, but I had fun today.

We should do it again sometime.

Luke, butt!

- What? - Results in two minutes.

The tension is making my bladder the size of a pea.

Wish your aunty good luck.

Ladies and gentlemen,

here are the results for the final council seat in the Pontyberry ward.

Total votes cast were 2,413,

which were distributed as follows.

Dafydd Sanchez... HE CHEERS

THEY CHEER

...Mexican Wrestling Party,

four votes.

MEXICANS CHEER Gracias.

Iwan Jenkins, Independent,

1,204 votes.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

He promised cockin' chocolates, didn't he?

Aunty Brenda, the Aunty Brenda Common Sense Party...

...1,205 votes.

THEY CHEER

I therefore declare Aunty Brenda

duly elected to the district council!

Never in doubt. Never in doubt.

People of Pontyberry, I would just like to say a few words.

That'll be a first.

I just want to say thank you for voting for me.

Pontyberry folk are the best in the world, and I am humbled - humbled - to serve you.

And, of course, I couldn't have done this without my team.

So, a special thank you to Dai Davies!

CHEERING Despite everything.

Yanto Bead!

CHEERING Miscellaneous.

Bobby Gittins. CHEERING

And, of course, Michael Jackson,

who have almost redeemed himself in my eyes after his previous indiscretion.

Now, let's get this party started!

CHEERING

♪ "Livin' La Vida Loca" music

♪ She into the superstition

♪ Black cat and the voodoo doll

♪ I feel the premonition

♪ This girl's going to make me fall...

♪ She make-a me take my clothes off

♪ And go dancing in the rain... ♪

I've got something for you.

That is Bobby's rent, plus the contents of my piggy bank.

Should help pay off a few bills. Mam, I can't.

If it's not enough, I can always go back on the ironing.

That's brilliant. Thanks, Mam.

Oh! You made it, then!

You know earlier I said I was feeling a bit lost,

and you said that stuff about not being lost cos wherever I go...

and you did that... The heart thing.

Well, I thought about it, and you're right.

I could go anywhere - anywhere in the world. You've only just come back.

I'm gonna go to New Zealand, Stell. Visit Uncle Hugh.

You remember. He spoke at Daddy's funeral.

It wasn't really a funeral.

He lives out there with this big old Maori woman called Gertrude.

She's good as gold, she is.

And Daddy's always wanted to visit, and I'm gonna take him.

He's got the energy of a 20-year-old, your father.

He was gonna come tonight, but he's gone to a hot-tub convention in Rhyl.

- So are you gonna miss me? - Nope.

Are you gonna miss me?

Nope.

♪ She's livin' la vida loca! ♪

CHEERING

He's not that bad, I suppose.

Who? Dai Davies

♪ "Delilah" music

♪ I saw the light in the night as she passed by my window

THEY HUM ALONG

♪ I see the flickering shadow of love on her blind

THEY HUM ALONG

♪ She was my woman...

Thank you, for everything.

My pleasure.

Aunty Brenda's in her element.

So were you, actually.

You've been great the past couple of days. It was like the old you.

Yep, it was.

And I liked that. Returning to the old me, that is.

When I say "old", I don't mean old "old". Because I'm not.

I meant old in good way.

In fact, you could say it was the new old me. A new old Michael.

- Stop talking. - Yeah.

You know, for a nurse, you have a terrible bedside manner.

Right! We have been chatting about our wedding,

and we'd love it if... If you'd do me the honour of being maid of honour.

And best man. Michael, not you.

HE CHUCKLES

- - Really? - Yeah. - Yeah.

Oh, we... we'd love to. Wouldn't we? Yes, of course!

Alan, get the champagne. Sparkling wine coming up.

# Forgive me, Delilah, I just couldn't take any more

♪ Forgive me, Delilah, I just couldn't take any more! ♪

CHEERING

I've got some money to pay you.

I don't take instalments.

Give me a break.

- You can pay me today? - Of course.

Something's up with Luke, and I don't know what it is.

So my 17-year-old daughter is staying in some seedy hotel

with an older man who's already fathered a child!

You're coming home with me. Dad! What are you doing here?

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