Original subtitles

Le Cafe De Les Alans.

See him by there? Mr Honey. Never address him directly.

Oh, my God!

I've been collecting my winnings. I won a million quid!

SHE GASPS

♪ And then she smiles

♪ And my heart starts beating I go weak inside... ♪

BLEEPING AND WHIRRING

Apparently that is the next generation of domestic service technology.

I was just gonna say that.

You haven't paid for all this have - you, presh? - No, it's sale or return.

What's this? Nose hair trimmer.

And these? Glow in the dark combs.

Stell, do you think people will want to buy this kind of stuff?

Yeah. Some of it looks quite useful.

TWITTERING

You got many coming tonight, then? No. Not really.

Right. Well, leave it to me. I will do a ring round.

WHIRRING Oh!

- It's for ear wax. - Oh.

Bobby Jean Gittins — Image Consultant.

Fully qualified, three-week course, residential.

I'm here to make you look gr8.

Spelt G-R, then the number eight. Modern, see?

- You're two hours early. - Mm-hm.

TWITTERING AND TRILLING

What do you think? It's the best thing I've ever seen.

I'm trying to help Zoe out. By annoying me?

Mm. She wants to make a bit of extra cash for her and Luke.

Yeah. I know.

Eh, you're not around tonight, are you?

Only she could do with some help setting up her gadget party.

Sure, yeah. I've got nothing better to do.

Aw! Look, I know it's a little bit low-key at the moment, presh.

Most new businesses take a bit of time to get going.

And you know what they say about new dawns?

No, what do they say? Er, well...

It's something really optimistic, like.

So let's imagine I've just said it

and now you're feeling a whole lot better.

- God, you're inspiring. - Mm!

TWITTERING

I want a strong, striking colour that really makes a statement.

What kind of statement exactly? Well, I don't know!

You're the image consultant!

Something that says, "I run a business that've recently received a seven-figure cash injection."

Citron Sunrise.

There we are. SHE GASPS

All right, good boy, work your magic but quick!

I got a meeting with Dai Davies in our new premises.

New premises? Purchased without consulting yours truly, if you please.

But he's not the only one who can spring a surprise.

I've got a folder full of ideas

that'll blow his little squirrel socks off when he...

SHE GASPS - Morning. - Oh, my God.

We're out of milk. I got some UHT in my room.

The delivery comes at ten but that's the fruit and veg.

You gotta pick up the meat from... George the Butcher at 11.

Little Alan, if you want a lift, - you're gonna have to shift. - Coming!

And you're sure about the menu? I've made it cheap and cheerful. Yep. Nothing fancy.

Just steak and chips, egg and chips...

But we don't call it egg and chips. We call it...?

Oh-eff avec pommy fritz.

Oeuf avec pomme frites. That's what I said.

All right? Ready then? Come on, get off to uni.

It's college. It's still a degree though.

No. It's a part-time catering course.

Either way, I'm so bloody proud of you.

Any time now would be fine.

Go on.

Oh, what's the vegetarian options?

Right, I'll be in the car, trying not to cry.

Veggie options are cheese omelette

with an oo-eff and Caesar salad. Without?

- Doubt. - Chicken!

Little Al, I can cope for one day without you. All right? Come on.

Rhian, Beyonce, please come in.

I don't wanna get no-one in trouble. I just want what's fair, like.

Fair would be knocking his cockin' block off. Aunty Rhian, don't.

- Sorry. - It's all right.

Er, perhaps you could tell me, Beyonce, in your own words, exactly what happened?

I used to work the tills at Lapton's in Port Talbot.

One day I notices the manager staring at me. Staring all the time.

Staring in, erm, in what way?

In that way that men do.

He asked me out a couple of times...

SHE SOBS And I said no.

Then the next day he said he found 50 quid and a bottle of Malibu in my bag.

Bastard sacked her, he did, the bastard.

Like I said, I don't want to get no-one in trouble.

Maybe I shouldn't have come here. No, you absolutely should have come.

This sounds very much like sexual harassment.

Compen-cockin'-sation, is it?

Er, there are no guarantees when it comes to the law.

She knows that. She've had more lawyers than I've had kids.

- Aunty Rhian. - Whiplash. Food poisoning. Tripping on a cockin' kerb.

You've made compensation claims - before? - No.

Do the Pope shit in the woods?

Them lawyers in Cardiff won't touch her no more.

They got her photo on the wall! Are you mental or something?!

Well, that's nice to your auntie! What did I say?

I said don't go on about the other stuff. Are you deaf or just stupid? All right, mun! All right, mun!

Oh, so sorry about that, Michael. Where were we?

Enter!

SHE GASPS Iesu Mawr!

Will you kindly put some clothes on?

Every morning I do do Jeet Kune De, naked as the day I was born.

Sets me up for the day it do.

Well, so do my boiled eggs

but I don't want to be eating them with a view of your full frontals. The human body is a machine.

It needs to be serviced, buffed and oiled.

You're a nurse, not a Nissan!

You either get respectable or you're out of here quicker than you can whatyercall.

Fine. From now on I will remain fully clothed in the communal areas of the house.

But I expect the same of you.

Oh! DOORBELL

Thank you.

Your carriage awaits.

Where's my high-flying executive - vehicle? - We haven't got one.

It's not Brenda's High-Flying Executive Vehicles.

What will Dai Davies think if I turn up in that?!

He'll think you run a bus company. Don't be smart with me.

Wait there, I'll get my Bluetooth.

Sweet Mary Jesus!

My uniform's on the radiator!

If you did allow the heating on in the rest of the house,

I wouldn't have to come down here!

The RotaMax has 30 convenient hooks

for ties, belts and other accessories.

Powered by three AA batteries it really is

a time-saving invention. - A load of old rubbish! - Oi!

Oh, I'm not gonna sell any of this!

Don't worry about it. Send it back. I've got to try. We need the money.

People are coming round tonight and I've spent a fortune on booze.

- How much? - Fifty quid.

Your mam gave me half. And you never know, I might make a killing.

Yeah, you never know. Right, some of us have got to work.

Hey, do me a favour and look after Sophie.

I'm busy!

All right. All right.

Do you want to see a video of a monkey picking his bum?

So, Cheryl...

She's quite a woman. Don't you start, good boy.

I know how your mind works.

Like a sewer.

I was just enquiring as to whether she is courting at the moment.

I'm about to have the most important business meeting

this town have ever seen.

I don't need you talking filth.

Here we go.

Welcome to Dai Davies International Car Sales.

Number One for car sales in Pontyberry

and surrounding low-lying areas.

Special deals on this week. Hurry, hurry!

Right, Dai Davies, the Dragon is in the Den!

SHE GASPS

Yes!

Are you allergic to feathers? No. Why?

Because I am spitting them right now!

And you're about to get a mouthful! You're, er, angry?

Livid more like!

You'd need a microscope to see that Brenda's Buses sign!

Well, same size as it always was. It's just my sign that's changed.

Exactly. You can see yours from space.

Where to do you want this, Dai? Oh, on the wall above my desk.

Right, I got a five point plan of action here, starting with staff.

Now, I got big plans for our Luke.

If I could stop you there.

I've just promoted Luke to Senior Car Lot Manager.

It's not really a promotion, it's still commission only.

- But with more responsibility. - You never told me you was promoting Luke!

Why should I? He don't work for Brenda's Buses.

He works for Dai Davies International Car Sales.

Vroom, vroom. SHE SPLUTTERS

What's international about it, may I ask?

He once sold a car to a bloke from Jersey. Er, Guernsey.

All right, moving on to point two.

Expanding our business portfolio.

Just a moment, please. PA SYSTEM CHIMES

Susan, could you, er, could you join us, please?

Susan?! Yeah, she's my new assistant.

She'll be looking after my diary, so in future if you just check with her before setting up a meeting.

- Susan?! - That's right.

Ah, you little marvel!

Susan, Brenda, Brenda, Susan.

SHE GASPS

Come on!

Aren't you a bit old to be stealing sweets?

There's actually a knack to it. I can show you if you like.

I think I know how to use a vending machine, thank you.

So I see.

Do not ask me where I learnt to do that.

I wasn't going to.

Now, money may be tight and we may be missing Little Al,

but that doesn't mean we can drop our standards.

People have come to expect a certain level of excellence from Le Cafe De Les Alans

- Yes, Chef! - I want crisp tablecloths, shiny knives

and plates so clean you could eat your dinner off 'em.

That was a joke, Nadine.

I've never been very good with jokes.

Hey, here we go. Action stations.

Good morning and welcome to the Le Cafe De Les Alans.

I'll be your waitress this morning.

Can I get you a drink for yourself whilst you pursue our menu this morning?

- Glass of Welsh tap. - Certainly.

I'll get that for yourself no problem this morning, thank you very much.

It's a four-point investment plan that's as daring as it is brilliant,

starting with a cash injection for Brenda's Buses

to purchase more vehicles.

- No. - No.

What do you mean, no? And why is she even talking?!

Susan is an executive assistant with a roaming portfolio.

It's not just her coffee I take, it's her advice.

You know, I see myself as the father of a business family.

The Car Sales, that's my first born, my own flesh and blood.

And Brenda's Buses is very much a naughty step-child

that you and I look after in a loving and financially separate way.

There'll be no sex talk here, Dai Davies.

Having said that, I would of course be delighted

to hear of any ideas that you have for improving my children slash businesses.

A national advertising campaign for Brenda's Buses

starring the cast of the popular situation comedy

On The Buses.

It's a bit out of date, isn't it? Out of date.

All right. How about the cast of Howards' Way?

- No. - No.

So that's two salads avec poolay, with pommy fritters, no tomates.

Not a problem at all for yourself today, madam, this morning, thank you.

Check on!

Two poolay salads, two pommy fritters, no tomates in the salad.

- Here we go. - You do the chicken. I'll - chop the salad. - Yeah, all right.

Careful now, Nadine. You sure you know what you're doing there?

We couldn't cope if you cut your finger off.

Don't worry, I'll be...

- Aaarrrgh! - Oh, I can't look! I'm terrible with blood.

Your face!

Karl taught me that one. Brilliant, isn't it?

Oh! Oh, thank you, Lord.

SIZZLING Aaaaaargh!

All right, Yant, what you got there?

- It's a gift. - Awww. For me?

No. It's for a creature of infinite beauty.

Thanks for that. A woman with the face of an angel

and the body of a fox.

You been using that leaded paint again, presh?

I'm looking for Cheryl. You seen her?

Yeah, she's in there.

Oh, my God! You haven't got a thing for her, have you?

I've got a thing for her, all right. A crazy little thing called love.

I haven't felt like this in years.

- Well, months. - You better take it easy where she's concerned.

I mean, I don't think she's the type to respond to big romantic gestures.

There's a sanitary towel stuck in the U-bend.

I'll call maintenance.

Sheer poetry.

Oh... HE MUMBLES

- Pork Chops. - Excuse me. Sorry, Le Pork Chop.

HE MUMBLES

Can you take our order? Could you not just eat it? We're having a few problems.

Excuse me! Excuse me! We've been waiting nearly half an hour!

I know, it's terrible, isn't it?

Sorry, Michael, we're a man down and a hand down at the moment.

You may want to come back later. I only want a cheese and onion sandwich.

I don't know if we've got the ingredients.

Please, just give me two minutes, yeah?

Make it yourself if you want.

Please! What was your order?

Just to be clear, you'll still have - to pay for that. - Yeah, of course.

You've done this before? What, made a sandwich? Yes, I have.

You couldn't do us a couple of Caesar salads for table two?

What about...

a stag and hen bus?

Yes! Erm...

Front of the bus has stag horns attached,

er, back has a big hen's face

with er... in pink and black!

- I like it. - We like it.

How much is it gonna cost? Twelve k, give or take.

And where are you getting your half from?

My half?! No, you're paying for this from your winnings!

Oh, so I own 50% of Brenda's Buses

but I have to put in 100% of the money? Don't sound fair to me.

Oh, that is it.

I come to you with the best ideas this side of Harvard Business School

and you quite literally spit on my flip chart!

- Come on, calm down. - Calm down.

I've a good mind to walk away right now!

I only stay to stop you running this business into the ground.

I'd happily retire today and put my feet up!

Well, maybe you'd better leave, then.

Well, maybe I will!

Well, maybe, I'll get my cheque book and buy you out.

Mind you don't wake up the moths sleeping in it!

Oh! Susan — cheque book, please!

This partnership is over!

It's not my fault. I got these glands, see, that's why I put on the weight.

And which glands are these? I dunno. Glands.

Let me tell you what glands do.

Glands produce hormones.

What they don't do is make you eat pizzas, curries

and deep-fried Mars bars.

That comes from an organ called the brain,

which you might want to start using.

- Nurse Morris. - Yes, Mr Honey? About earlier.

I'm not sure if I, erm...

I mean, I probably did but...

I don't think I actually said - thank you. - You didn't.

In that case... thank you.

You're welcome. And are you erm...?

- Well? - Yes.

I'm great. Well, not exactly great - you know what it's like.

We've got exams all the time and revision and...

Well, you probably don't want to hear me go on about that.

God, no.

Right, erm, onwards and upwards.

- What? - Nothing.

There you go. Two Caesar Salads. Why's the bread all crispy?

Those are croutons.

Why's the croutons all crispy?

We got a customer who wants to know what the specials are.

Specials. Specials. I can remember this.

No.

Right. Tell 'em the specials are off.

Er, what about something like eggs Benedict?

Bit of a speciality of mine. I make them for Katie.

Is it fancy? Cos they're right fussy buggers round here.

Just posh bacon and eggs. Perfect. Eggs Bendy-dick it is!

I'll go tell them.

Nurse Cheryl! Emergency!

Everything all right, sir? I got a terrible pain.

- Right here in my heart. - Oh.

What the hell's that? A dream-catcher.

Cos you will be forever in my dreams.

I got a pepper spray in my right sock and I will deploy it.

And what have you got - in your left sock? - My foot.

Oh, me too. We've got so much in common.

This is your final warning.

Failure to leave the building may result in a serious injury.

You have no idea how much that turns me on.

You have been warned.

- Aaarrgghh! - Oh, my God.

God, Yanto!

Oh! I told you what she was like!

Come with me.

From now on we are entering a new chapter.

No more being held up by that... that woman.

We are going cutting-edge corporate.

Ha-ha! Enjoy.

Dai... You've earned it, son. You've earned it.

No more being told what I can and cannot do. I'm my own boss.

- My own man. - Do you want a hand, - Mr Davies? - No, I'm all right.

She held me back, that woman. But no more.

I can do what I want, when I want.

Mr Davies, are you sure you don't...?

I can chew with my mouth open, I can pick my ears.

I can whistle.

I am free!

What do you think?

It's a bit small. It's perfect.

Thank you, Susan.

You know the best thing about being retired?

The freedom. I can do whatever I damn well like.

No grubby little squirrels getting in my way.

HE WHINES Not actual squirrels, mind.

Lovely, isn't it?

Can you think of anyone you would want to swap lives with right now?

Yes. This, my friend, is the life.

Living the vida loco.

Have you had your lunch break yet? No and I am starving.

I thought we could go the cafe. Bit of moral support for Alan.

Oh, good idea. Give me a minute, just to sort lover boy out here.

Oh, what's happened to him?

- Cheryl. - Oh, a divine beauty!

With lips like sweet cherries and a smile that stretches to infinity.

Proper poet of Pontyberry you are, Yanto Bead.

That's it! You're a genius, Stell!

I'll write her a poem! Oh, you little...

Oh, oh, ow, ow.

Service!

I'll be back for that one in a minute.

These are going down a storm!

Table nine wants a word!

I'm doing the best I can. I'm not a trained chef.

I'm only helping out... Don't tell me, tell him!

All right. Fine.

OK, Bobby. First, I'm doing my best.

Secondly, I don't need you...

These are gorgeous.

- Really? - Oh! The best eggs Benedict I've had in years

and I've been all over - Paris, Rome,

Prestatyn. That's very kind of you to say so.

The secret is a sprig of tarragon with a dash of lime.

Well, whatever it is, they could win awards.

I don't know if they do awards for eggs Benedict.

But if they did, you'd definitely win a silver.

Or a bronze.

- Not... Not gold? - No.

Oh, it's nice and busy, that's good. All right?

Good afternoon and welcome to Le Cafe De Les Alans this afternoon.

Can I recommend for yourselves this afternoon

trying our special of the day, Eggs Bendy-dick

made by our brand new chef.

New chef? Who's that, then?

Michael?

What you doing here? Well, they're a bit short handed.

Literally, in Alan's case.

I came in for a sandwich and I got roped in to help.

Well, look at you, MasterChef.

- Le speciality de la maison. - Aw!

BELL TINGS Service!

- Table five, Al. - Right you are.

That man is a life saver.

I felt a bit bad missing out on the opening. It's the least I could do.

You're staring at me. That could either be very good or very bad.

That is so lovely of you. Thank you.

You can thank me later.

Ooh, talking of later, are you still all right to help out with Zoe's thing?

Yeah, course. Just a sec. Service!

Sorry about that.

Right, I'll leave you to it. Nadine! Nadine! Salad!

Dai Davies International Car Sales.

Number one for car sales in Pontyberry and surrounding low-lying areas.

Thank you, sir! Thank you, madam! Thank you!

Dai Davies International Car Sales.

LAUGHTER

Brilliant! That is cockin' brilliant!

But I haven't no money.

Well, I think an executive saloon car might be slightly out of your budget.

No, I meant for Comic Relief.

That's why you're dressed like a cockin' knob, is it?!

SHE LAUGHS

- Perhaps it is a bit tight. - Yes.

You said it was perfect before.

Susan, if we're gonna work together you have to tell me the truth.

A man in my position can't afford to look ridiculous!

Thank you so much for today. I just couldn't have coped without you.

I mean, it's not just staff we're short of — it's money.

We're really short of money. Money is so tight that...

Al, I don't want paying, it's fine.

That's a load off.

- It was actually quite fun. - Really?

Yeah.

Beer?

- - On the house. - Why not? - Yeah.

Do you mind if I give you - - some advice? - Is it free? - Yes.

Keeping your hand elevated is for cuts, not burns.

Yeah, I knew that. Just a precautionary thing.

That was for... Sure.

Cheers.

Ah! You know, this really is a dream come true for me.

Teething problems of course but I wouldn't swap it for the world.

You always wanted to go into soliciting, then?

Into law, yeah. I wouldn't call it a dream, though.

No? So what's the dream? I don't know.

When I was younger I wanted to ride across America on a bike.

Easy Rider kind of thing.

You ought to go and see big Gwyn. Who's Gwyn?

Mate of mine got a bike shop. Harleys, Triumphs, the lot.

We call him Big Gwyn cos he's four foot ten.

Uses this little stool to get on the bikes but er...

Yeah, just say my name, he'll give you 10 per cent off.

Don't mention the stool, though. He gets quite funny about that.

No.

I don't actually want a bike. Not now. And even if I did...

No, it's stupid.

Al, you really don't have to...

Yeah, of course. Yeah.

Next item on the agenda, Brenda's Buses.

Now I'm sole owner, I want out-of-the-box, blue-sky thinking

about taking it to the next level.

What do you think? I think that's a good idea.

I mean, what suggestions do you have?

Right, what's the first thing that comes into your head?

- Finger? - Next thing? Of Fudge.

How about changing the name of the company

from Brenda's Buses to, er, Dai Davies's Buses?

Yes. Actually, that's a terrible idea.

Yes.

You're not just agreeing with - everything I say, are you? - No.

So if I was to say passengers can travel free at weekends,

you'd say that was a goo...

Gooooo...

Good idea? Good way to go bust!

Yes! Absolutely.

What do you think? I think you're on a bike.

Not just a bike. A Triumph Bonneville.

Bit of an impulse buy but I thought, sod it, you only live once.

I thought you were in the cafe.

Well, things died down a bit, so I left

and I was on my way back and...

Well, I had such a laugh today and it was so, I don't know, liberating,

I bought the bike to celebrate.

Right, I'd better dig out my leathers.

Michael, is this another hole in the wall moment?

Ha! No!

I don't think so.

I cannot sleep, I cannot rest.

Are you inebriated? She's so gorgeous without a vest.

Her hair is short but not like a boy.

I'd like to have her as a toy. I could have you sectioned.

They'd have you sedated quicker than you can say lithium suppository.

Come on, Cheryl mun, give me a chance.

Do you know what you are? You're a stuck-up cow!

Look at you, with your face all miserable

and your moaning bloody voice.

A couple of glasses of this punch and they'll want to buy everything — you watch!

Dad, what do you look like?

- The Fonz. - Yeah!

Do you even know who The Fonz is? One of the Muppets, isn't he?

Right, line these cans up nice and... Wow!

See you in a bit. You're not going out, are you?

I won't be long, just gonna take it - for a quick spin. - Michael...

Do you have to do this now? You don't need me, do you?

No, but this is really important to Zoe.

I'm going for a quick ride. People aren't even here yet.

Go on, let him play with his toy.

All right.

Thanks, Mum.

First up is something nobody should be without.

It's the revolutionary Chin Gym.

Ideal for the busy executive woman.

With a chin.

Oh! Will it fit donkeys?

Er... no.

- Oh. - I wanna get one of them gloves with a beer can in 'em.

Bloody genius.

Don't think I got one of those

but I have got an electric shoe freshener?

Oh, is that suitable for donkeys?

To be honest, I don't think there's much stuff that's specifically for donkeys.

I tell you what, erm, why don't we all just have a little look

and see what takes our fancy, is it? Yeah.

- Punch. - And help yourselves to more rum punch.

- Ooh, lovely! - Right, OK.

Hello, Casanova. How'd it go?

♪ It started with desire's Sweet soft kiss

♪ And it ended in an alley With my face against a fist

♪ Oh, soul, I sold you away. ♪

Oh, the horror. The horror.

What actually happened?

You don't want to know.

I'll wash but I'll never be clean.

Ooh, speaking of clean,

do you want a waterproof shower radio in the shape of a shark?

Will it take away the pain? Definitely.

All right.

Zoe? Customer coming through!

All right, Dai, thanks for coming.

Oh, you know me, always keen to support new business ventures.

Especially now you're a millionaire.

Bet that cash is burning a hole in your pocket?

No, not really. I'm just here to browse.

That's actually... An earwax remover. I've got two of 'em.

Is, er, Aunty Brenda coming?

- Hey, Mr Lawyer! - Beyonce?

- Nice outfit. - I know, I know.

The Fonz.

Never mind.

Makes you look...

- younger. - Really?

Is that an insult or a compliment?

You decide.

BIKE REVS

KARL LAUGHS That is brilliant!

- Right, I'm having one. - Thank you.

Oh, splendid! Yes, I very much agree.

Yes, of course it'll be the top table.

Just a little fund-raiser I'm putting together.

Yes, that's settled. And thanks for being the celebrity guest.

Goodbye, then, Cilla Black.

I'm impressed. Well, I like to do my bit.

I mean, it's quite hard to talk on a Bluetooth when it's not switched on.

Battery must have just run out! You wouldn't understand.

Anyway, Dai Davies, how's business with you?

Oh, flat out. Twenty-four seven. I only left this morning.

I've lost all track of time, it's been that productive.

Well, as you're so busy you best get back to it.

Where've you been?

Sorry. Must have lost track of time. I've been worried about you.

I thought you'd crashed or something. I was just enjoying the freedom.

Of the bike. I should've called.

Yeah, you should.

Hey, Stell! Stell!

This is immense. I bought three.

That's really beautiful, Karl.

I'll go and get changed.

Do you want a go?

Look, er, we both said some things today that we probably regret.

I don't regret a thing. This has been the best day of my life!

But it's not too late. I'm willing to say I'm sorry if you are.

Ah. Things not working out with Susan, are they?

I'm only thinking of you. I know you love Brenda's Buses.

And what else you gonna do with your days?

What else am I going to do?

Let's be honest, you're gonna sit around, bored out of your brains,

staring at the wall, wishing you had someone to take notice of you.

Why don't we bury the hatchet and apologise, hm?

Come on, on three, we'll say, "I'm sorry."

One... two... three.

I'm sorry. And I'm sorry...

Apology accepted.

...that you are a pompous little squirrel with ridiculous teeth.

This is the Ultimate Mission Spy Pen.

You say your message into here.

Er... Oh-gay-hee, oh-gay-gay.

Then you play it back.

'Oh-gay-hee, oh-gay-gay.'

And then it disappears. 'Message deleted.'

- Oh, stunning. - So it only plays the message once, see?

Brilliant.

- One for you, Nadine? - No.

Right, who wants a drink? Michael's mojitos. Special recipe.

Bring it on, butt!

Hey, that fella of yours is a bloody hero, you know.

So you keep telling me. Ah, a natural. Like Little Alan.

It's gonna be great having him around for the next couple of weeks.

Couple of weeks?! I thought it was a one-off.

No, no. Just till my hand gets better.

Two weeks, three at the most. Call it a month.

We're off now, Stell. Thanks a lot.

Right. Best get a mojitos before they go.

Bye, then. Yeah, I'll see you out.

♪ So break out the bottle

♪ Bring on the crowd KNOCKING

♪ Gather round me Cos misery loves company... ♪

Dai Davies. I am sorry.

'Message deleted.'

♪ So break out the bottle

♪ Bring on the crowd

♪ Gather round me Cos misery loves company. ♪

So I spoke to Alan. He said you were brilliant today.

That's only because I was.

And that you were gonna be working at the cafe for the next few weeks.

Yeah, erm, about that...

Look, I love Alan to death and I'd always help him out

but you're a qualified solicitor.

Why do you want to work in a cafe in Pontyberry?

Because it was fun, all right?

I'm sorry, I don't want to sound melodramatic

but it's the first time I've enjoyed myself for ages.

- Oh. - I didn't mean it like that. Work wise.

I've been a lawyer for 20 years and... I don't know.

Working in the cafe today made me realise how bored I am.

I just wanted a break from it.

- The cafe's like a holiday. - Huh.

With Nadine?! Well, you can't have everything.

If you're worried about money... It's not the money, it's just...

- Are you all right, presh? - I'm fine.

Really.

So this is just for a couple of weeks and then you'll go back - to your proper job? - Yeah. Of course.

I know I should have said something and maybe it's a hangover from Jan.

She never stopped nagging.

I guess I was just worried we'd end up having a row.

Hmm. Michael, I'm not Jan.

I know. You're much sexier.

Shall I get the leather jacket? Go on, then.

Pervert.

Pack your stuff and get out! - You're sacked! - What?!

You hate me now, don't you? I assure you I don't.

Let's see what else I can find, is it...?

Aarrgghh!

- Ugh! - So what about you, then, gorgeous? Any confessions?

What? No, nothing.

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