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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,185 --> 00:00:02,345 - How you livin'? - What? 2 00:00:02,420 --> 00:00:03,444 - How you livin'? - What? 3 00:00:03,521 --> 00:00:05,887 - How you livin'? - ♪ In living color♪ 4 00:00:05,957 --> 00:00:10,053 - ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 5 00:00:10,128 --> 00:00:14,394 - ♪ Anything you want is up to you ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 6 00:00:14,465 --> 00:00:18,265 - ♪ You for me and me for you ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 7 00:00:18,336 --> 00:00:22,602 - ♪ You can be anything you wanna be ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 8 00:00:22,674 --> 00:00:25,302 - ♪ Let's take a trip and sip on a dream ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪ 9 00:00:25,376 --> 00:00:27,537 - ♪ Glide with the guide on a funky scene ♪ - ♪ All right ♪ 10 00:00:27,612 --> 00:00:30,080 ♪ Here comes another one of those funky, funny mo'money shows ♪ 11 00:00:30,148 --> 00:00:31,672 ♪ A cast for laughs and talented roles ♪ 12 00:00:31,749 --> 00:00:33,876 ♪ And sisters with twisters for you been lookin', listener♪ 13 00:00:33,951 --> 00:00:35,919 ♪ It seems you don't believe so you can believe what I convince ya ♪ 14 00:00:35,987 --> 00:00:38,012 ♪ Some booty to your short and thought We'll make it snappy ♪ 15 00:00:38,089 --> 00:00:40,182 ♪ With jokes and pokes at folks to keep you happy ♪ 16 00:00:40,258 --> 00:00:42,453 ♪ No need to hold your remote control ♪ 17 00:00:42,527 --> 00:00:44,495 ♪ Chill This show's got soul ♪ 18 00:00:44,562 --> 00:00:46,655 ♪ All aboard, all aboard The train never troubles ♪ 19 00:00:46,731 --> 00:00:48,096 ♪ You'd better snuggle up couple up ♪ 20 00:00:48,166 --> 00:00:49,861 - ♪ On the double-dub-double ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪ 21 00:00:49,934 --> 00:00:53,165 ♪ It's hard to believe but some of the best things in life are free ♪ 22 00:00:53,237 --> 00:00:55,262 ♪ So, fellas, grab your girl Tell her that you love her♪ 23 00:00:55,340 --> 00:00:57,706 ♪ 'Cause that's the way you're livin' when you're livin'in living color♪ 24 00:00:57,775 --> 00:01:01,973 ♪ Go, go, go, go go, go, go, go ♪ 25 00:01:02,046 --> 00:01:03,980 ♪ Go, go ♪♪ 26 00:01:06,617 --> 00:01:11,213 - [Announcer] Say, nice legs. - Thanks. 27 00:01:11,289 --> 00:01:13,849 Some people were born with great legs... 28 00:01:13,925 --> 00:01:15,984 others with great minds. 29 00:01:16,060 --> 00:01:17,994 I wasn't born with either... 30 00:01:18,062 --> 00:01:20,656 so I decided to work on my legs. 31 00:01:20,732 --> 00:01:23,496 I used to do aerobics till I dropped. 32 00:01:23,568 --> 00:01:26,594 Then I discovered "Thiegh" Master. 33 00:01:28,906 --> 00:01:32,933 Every single time you squeeze the Thiegh Master... 34 00:01:33,010 --> 00:01:37,276 it strengthens and tones just where you need it. 35 00:01:37,348 --> 00:01:41,478 And if you do it for long enough, you start to feel all tingly. 36 00:01:43,554 --> 00:01:46,648 But, best of all, when your workout's over... 37 00:01:46,724 --> 00:01:49,625 Thiegh Master folds for convenient storage. 38 00:01:51,996 --> 00:01:54,487 But here's where the fun really begins. 39 00:01:54,565 --> 00:01:56,931 With your new in-shape thighs... 40 00:01:57,001 --> 00:01:59,868 you can do things you never thought possible... 41 00:01:59,937 --> 00:02:01,871 like... 42 00:02:01,939 --> 00:02:03,930 recycling. 43 00:02:05,710 --> 00:02:08,110 And for you health nuts out there... 44 00:02:09,514 --> 00:02:12,540 your in-shape thighs are great for juicing. 45 00:02:16,387 --> 00:02:20,448 So squeeze yourself into a happier, healthier you. 46 00:02:20,525 --> 00:02:22,516 Honey, I'm home. 47 00:02:30,368 --> 00:02:32,529 Thanks, Thiegh Master. 48 00:02:33,938 --> 00:02:35,872 [Announcer] Order yours today... 49 00:02:35,940 --> 00:02:39,000 and get Suzanne's Butt Buster absolutely free. 50 00:02:41,779 --> 00:02:45,044 Good evenin', inmates. 51 00:02:45,116 --> 00:02:48,882 Because there have been no escape attempts lately... 52 00:02:48,953 --> 00:02:52,912 I am prepared to reward you. 53 00:02:52,990 --> 00:02:56,858 Now, we haven't had any entertainment here... 54 00:02:56,928 --> 00:02:59,795 since we freed James Brown. 55 00:02:59,864 --> 00:03:02,424 But tonight, we have for you... 56 00:03:02,500 --> 00:03:05,663 the finest blues musician alive... 57 00:03:05,736 --> 00:03:07,670 in our price range. 58 00:03:07,738 --> 00:03:10,172 So please put your hands together... 59 00:03:10,241 --> 00:03:13,176 and keep 'em where we can see 'em... 60 00:03:13,244 --> 00:03:16,008 for Mr. Calhoun Tubbs! 61 00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:18,378 - Let's hear it for him! Come on! - Thank you very much. 62 00:03:18,449 --> 00:03:21,384 Thank you so much, Warden. Thank you, fellas. Thank you. 63 00:03:21,452 --> 00:03:24,444 You know, it's great to be here in prison. 64 00:03:24,522 --> 00:03:27,013 But that's 'cause I get to go home. [Chuckles] 65 00:03:27,091 --> 00:03:30,686 Yeah, I got to say, in a way, I admire all y'all young mens... 66 00:03:30,761 --> 00:03:32,695 for stickin' it out in here. 67 00:03:32,763 --> 00:03:34,890 Matter of fact, I wrote a song about it. 68 00:03:34,966 --> 00:03:37,025 Like to hear it? Here it go. 69 00:03:38,236 --> 00:03:41,831 ♪ Y'all ain't had no sex in 15 years ♪ 70 00:03:41,906 --> 00:03:43,897 ♪ At least without no real woman ♪ 71 00:03:45,209 --> 00:03:48,736 ♪ Uh-huh ♪♪ Thank you very much. 72 00:03:48,813 --> 00:03:51,407 Yo! Get your behind down here. 73 00:03:51,482 --> 00:03:54,383 Old man, we got something for you. 74 00:03:54,452 --> 00:03:56,386 I was just kiddin' with you. You know, you know. 75 00:03:56,454 --> 00:03:58,319 Let's try somethin' different. Come on. Everybody. 76 00:03:58,389 --> 00:04:00,448 ♪ Wave your handcuffs in the air, ha ♪ 77 00:04:00,525 --> 00:04:02,493 ♪ Pretend that you just don't care ♪♪ 78 00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:04,892 - And, uh... - You stink, old man. 79 00:04:04,962 --> 00:04:07,863 Wait a minute. You know what? I remember you. 80 00:04:07,932 --> 00:04:09,923 I remember you from the headline. 81 00:04:10,001 --> 00:04:12,469 As a matter of fact, I wrote a song about you. 82 00:04:12,537 --> 00:04:15,199 Like to hear it? Here it go. 83 00:04:15,273 --> 00:04:18,208 ♪ That inmate over there loved his fellow man ♪ 84 00:04:18,276 --> 00:04:20,471 ♪ On whole wheat and lettuce ♪ 85 00:04:21,779 --> 00:04:23,713 - ♪♪ [Vocalizing] - [Crowd Shouting] 86 00:04:23,781 --> 00:04:26,875 - I get a hold of you, I'm gonna make you a punk! - Thank you. 87 00:04:26,951 --> 00:04:29,511 Wait now. Wait now. Uh-uh, ain't no need to get personal now. 88 00:04:29,587 --> 00:04:31,521 'Cause I don't go 'round the shop room... 89 00:04:31,589 --> 00:04:33,682 tellin' you how to make license plates, do I? 90 00:04:33,758 --> 00:04:36,625 It's okay. You see... 91 00:04:36,694 --> 00:04:39,026 what we have here... 92 00:04:39,096 --> 00:04:41,860 is a failure to communicate. 93 00:04:41,933 --> 00:04:44,800 Please continue, Mr. Tibbs. 94 00:04:44,869 --> 00:04:48,305 They call me Mr. Tubbs. 95 00:04:50,474 --> 00:04:53,409 Suit yourself. 96 00:04:53,477 --> 00:04:57,106 Well, I guess some of y'all gonna be comin' out of jail pretty soon. 97 00:04:57,181 --> 00:04:59,479 Yes, sir. So, good luck in the outside world. 98 00:04:59,550 --> 00:05:01,643 It's pretty tough findin' work out there. 99 00:05:01,719 --> 00:05:05,246 Ain't wrote no song about that, but I think I could right now. 100 00:05:05,323 --> 00:05:07,314 Like to hear it? Here it go. 101 00:05:07,391 --> 00:05:11,191 ♪ Y'all be back in prison in no time flat ♪ 102 00:05:11,262 --> 00:05:13,196 ♪Just like Todd Bridges ♪ 103 00:05:14,265 --> 00:05:16,460 - ♪ Uh-huh ♪♪ - [Booing] 104 00:05:16,534 --> 00:05:19,128 - Thank you very much. - You dead when you get outta here, Calhoun! 105 00:05:19,203 --> 00:05:21,262 - You straight-up dead! - Lookee there. 106 00:05:21,339 --> 00:05:23,466 Another standin' ovation. Thank you so much. 107 00:05:23,541 --> 00:05:25,532 Guard! Guard! 108 00:05:25,610 --> 00:05:29,512 All right, dirtbags, this is my final warnin'. 109 00:05:29,580 --> 00:05:34,176 Settle down, or there'll be no showering with the lights off. 110 00:05:34,251 --> 00:05:38,244 Look here. It's about time for this old-timer to hit the road anyway. 111 00:05:38,322 --> 00:05:41,723 You know, that's why I make my songs so short. 112 00:05:41,792 --> 00:05:45,888 I got to be on my way to the next place to spread more love. 113 00:05:45,963 --> 00:05:48,090 That's what Calhoun is all about. 114 00:05:48,165 --> 00:05:51,760 Wrote a song about it. Like to hear it? Here it go. 115 00:05:51,836 --> 00:05:53,827 ♪ While you're locked up in cages ♪ 116 00:05:53,904 --> 00:05:57,237 ♪ I'm spankin' and spankin' your wives and daughters ♪♪ 117 00:05:57,308 --> 00:06:01,506 - [Inmates Shouting] - Thank you. Thank you very much. I got to go. 118 00:06:01,579 --> 00:06:06,312 There will be a lockdown! Go back to your cells! 119 00:06:06,384 --> 00:06:11,617 Go back to your cells! Hey! Hey, give me that coat! Give it to me! 120 00:06:11,822 --> 00:06:15,724 [Announcer] You've enjoyed singers like Whitney Houston and Madonna on the big screen. 121 00:06:15,793 --> 00:06:18,853 And now Fox presents one of the greatest music legends of all time... 122 00:06:18,929 --> 00:06:21,261 in his first dramatic role. 123 00:06:21,332 --> 00:06:25,234 Honey, this is a.44 magnum... the most powerful handgun in the world... 124 00:06:25,302 --> 00:06:27,236 so shut up. 125 00:06:27,304 --> 00:06:30,432 Little Richard is... Dirty Little Dick. 126 00:06:30,508 --> 00:06:32,442 I know what you thinkin' too, huh? 127 00:06:32,510 --> 00:06:34,535 You thinkin', did I get off six shots or five? 128 00:06:34,612 --> 00:06:38,844 Honey, in all this excitement... good golly, Miss Molly... I kind of lost track myself. 129 00:06:38,916 --> 00:06:41,441 Why don't you just get it over with and take me in? 130 00:06:41,519 --> 00:06:44,682 You're an eager little tutti frutti, ain't you? Well, shut up. 131 00:06:44,755 --> 00:06:47,383 I'm the innovator and the motivator... the originator of this stuff. 132 00:06:47,458 --> 00:06:49,392 They all stole it from me. Yes, they did. 133 00:06:49,460 --> 00:06:52,224 Columbo, Serpico, Wonder Woman, Kojak. 134 00:06:52,296 --> 00:06:55,459 - Christie Love? - Yes, and that heifer got my earrings. Come on. 135 00:06:55,533 --> 00:06:59,435 [Announcer] He played by his own rules, and he paid the price. 136 00:06:59,503 --> 00:07:02,336 Dancing on top of a squad car? 137 00:07:02,406 --> 00:07:04,340 Playing piano at an autopsy? 138 00:07:04,408 --> 00:07:08,344 - Telling the police commissioner to shut up? - Shut up. 139 00:07:08,412 --> 00:07:11,245 And now I've got the mayor breathing down my neck. 140 00:07:11,315 --> 00:07:14,341 Lord, I get goose pimples just thinkin' about that one, honey. 141 00:07:14,418 --> 00:07:17,546 And don't you realize you are supposed to be working plainclothes? 142 00:07:17,621 --> 00:07:19,782 These are my plain clothes. You better shut up. 143 00:07:19,857 --> 00:07:22,621 All right, that's it. That is it! You're on suspension. 144 00:07:22,693 --> 00:07:25,389 I want your badge, your gun and your bustier. 145 00:07:25,463 --> 00:07:27,954 Ooh. Well, make my day, honey. ♪ Whoooo ♪ 146 00:07:28,032 --> 00:07:31,593 [Announcer] One more mistake, and Little Dick could wind up in the can. 147 00:07:31,669 --> 00:07:34,263 This dynamite could blow at any minute. Take my hand. 148 00:07:34,338 --> 00:07:38,104 Look, don't let your mouth write a check your body can't cash. Shut up. 149 00:07:38,175 --> 00:07:40,109 [Together] One, two... 150 00:07:42,246 --> 00:07:46,046 Whoo! Ooh, Lord, honey, I love the way you did that. 151 00:07:46,117 --> 00:07:48,745 Did anyone ever tell you you look like Billy Preston? 152 00:07:48,819 --> 00:07:51,253 ♪ Whoooo ♪ Shut up. 153 00:07:51,322 --> 00:07:54,723 Coming this fall from Fox... Dirty Little Dick. 154 00:07:55,926 --> 00:07:59,191 ♪♪ [Hip-hop] 155 00:08:41,505 --> 00:08:43,837 ♪♪ [Intro] 156 00:08:46,143 --> 00:08:50,102 Hi. And welcome to the Geraldo show. 157 00:08:50,181 --> 00:08:52,911 I'm here with Jaleel White... Urkel... 158 00:08:52,983 --> 00:08:57,044 from the hit TVshow, uh, Family Matters. 159 00:08:57,121 --> 00:09:00,887 Jaleel is going to tell us a horrifying, behind-the-scenes tale... 160 00:09:00,958 --> 00:09:04,519 of what Hollywood does to black child actors. 161 00:09:04,595 --> 00:09:07,826 That's right, Geraldo. There's more to becoming a black child actor in Hollywood... 162 00:09:07,898 --> 00:09:10,867 than just being one of MichaelJackson's hand puppets. 163 00:09:10,935 --> 00:09:14,063 - Do tell. - A lot of people don't know this... 164 00:09:14,138 --> 00:09:17,596 but there are actual growth-stunting factories on Hollywood back lots. 165 00:09:17,675 --> 00:09:20,075 They call 'em "midget mills." That's what they call 'em... 166 00:09:20,144 --> 00:09:23,910 where they grow us and they groom us to be on sitcoms with white parents. 167 00:09:23,981 --> 00:09:26,779 And they only do this to black actors? 168 00:09:26,851 --> 00:09:30,309 - How about Doogie Howser? - When's the last time you watched his show? 169 00:09:30,387 --> 00:09:33,356 Last I saw Doogie, he could double for Larry Bird. 170 00:09:34,892 --> 00:09:36,826 Sweet kid. 171 00:09:36,894 --> 00:09:41,422 After hearing Jaleel's compelling story, we decided to take our crew... 172 00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:46,731 and visit one of these so-called "midget mills" ourselves. 173 00:09:46,804 --> 00:09:50,035 Gary Coleman, Emmanuel Lewis and Rodney Allen Rippy... 174 00:09:50,107 --> 00:09:52,041 were all a product of this one mill... 175 00:09:52,109 --> 00:09:54,077 right here on the Fox lot in West Los Angeles. 176 00:09:54,144 --> 00:09:56,078 It's right over here, Geraldo. 177 00:09:56,146 --> 00:10:00,776 Folks, I'm pretty sure we're going to see something inside. 178 00:10:00,851 --> 00:10:04,787 Okay, boys, break it down. It's Emmy time. 179 00:10:04,855 --> 00:10:08,347 One! Two! Three! 180 00:10:11,462 --> 00:10:15,660 [Geraldo Narrating] Once inside, the squalor we saw was stupefying. 181 00:10:15,733 --> 00:10:19,726 Black child actors exploited... raised in boxes like veal... 182 00:10:19,803 --> 00:10:24,433 only fed their rudimentary meals if they could successfully say the phrase... 183 00:10:24,508 --> 00:10:26,738 "What you talkin' 'bout, Willis?" 184 00:10:26,810 --> 00:10:29,677 - [Gasping] - Son, I'm Geraldo Rivera. 185 00:10:29,747 --> 00:10:32,409 - Speak to me. - What's up, Willis? 186 00:10:32,483 --> 00:10:34,417 Geraldo, give him some cheese or some oats or somethin'. 187 00:10:34,485 --> 00:10:36,976 It's pitiful. I'm gonna cry. [Sniveling] 188 00:10:38,889 --> 00:10:41,653 - What's up, Willis? - Could the horrors inside be even more insidious? 189 00:10:41,725 --> 00:10:44,956 - What's up, Willis? - If I wasn't such a stud, I'd be afraid to go on. 190 00:10:45,029 --> 00:10:47,554 [Child Actor] What you talkin' 'bout, Willis? 191 00:10:47,631 --> 00:10:51,294 - He's got me! He's got me! - [Shouting Continues] 192 00:10:51,368 --> 00:10:54,531 Hang in there! Hang in there! 193 00:10:54,605 --> 00:10:56,937 Keep it rolling! Keep it rolling! 194 00:10:57,007 --> 00:10:58,941 Hang in there! Hang in there! 195 00:10:59,009 --> 00:11:01,068 This is good television! 196 00:11:01,145 --> 00:11:03,443 Smile wider, damn it! 197 00:11:03,514 --> 00:11:05,880 You're about as cute as Todd Bridges with a crack pipe. 198 00:11:05,950 --> 00:11:08,282 - What you talkin' 'bout, Willis? - Louder! 199 00:11:08,352 --> 00:11:10,479 - What you talkin' 'bout, Willis? - Cuter, damn it! 200 00:11:10,554 --> 00:11:13,079 And make the Macaulay face. Now! 201 00:11:13,157 --> 00:11:15,455 [Together] What you talkin' 'bout, Willis? 202 00:11:15,526 --> 00:11:17,687 - More! - What you talkin' 'bout, Willis? 203 00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:20,229 - More! - What you talkin' 'bout, Willis? 204 00:11:20,297 --> 00:11:25,792 [Geraldo Narrating] Then there was perhaps the greatest horror of all. 205 00:11:25,869 --> 00:11:29,202 [High-pitched Voice] Help me! Help me! 206 00:11:29,273 --> 00:11:31,400 What you talkin' 'bout, Willis? What you talkin' 'bout, Willis? 207 00:11:31,475 --> 00:11:35,002 Help me! Help me! 208 00:11:35,079 --> 00:11:41,018 Unbelievable. An entire black child actor raised inside a bottle of You-Hoo. 209 00:11:41,085 --> 00:11:45,181 Ladies and gentlemen, I am a lawyer, and this is not right. 210 00:11:46,957 --> 00:11:50,085 Urkel, shall we set them free? 211 00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:52,651 But, Geraldo, they'll never be able to survive in the real world. 212 00:11:52,730 --> 00:11:54,891 [Sniveling] I could just cry about this. 213 00:11:54,965 --> 00:11:58,992 - [Sniveling Continues] - That's okay, son. I could use the ratings. 214 00:11:59,069 --> 00:12:02,402 So, join us tomorrow when my focus will be... 215 00:12:02,473 --> 00:12:05,271 breaking down my female guests and making them cry... 216 00:12:05,342 --> 00:12:08,334 then groping them for my own twisted enjoyment. 217 00:12:08,412 --> 00:12:12,246 We'll see you next time. I'm Geraldo Rivera. Good night. 218 00:12:12,316 --> 00:12:14,250 [Urkel] Oh, God! It's... 219 00:12:14,318 --> 00:12:17,048 Hey. Hi... [Groans] 220 00:12:19,523 --> 00:12:22,583 - What you talkin' 'bout? - It's okay. It's only my nose. 221 00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:24,752 - What you talkin' 'bout, Willis? - It's only my nose. 222 00:12:24,828 --> 00:12:27,388 - Keep rolling! - What you talkin' 'bout? 223 00:12:27,464 --> 00:12:31,230 - What you talkin' 'bout, Willis? - Willis, what you talkin'about? 224 00:12:31,301 --> 00:12:33,997 Willis, what you talkin' 'bout? 225 00:12:34,071 --> 00:12:37,131 What you talkin' 'bout? Willis! [Chattering] 226 00:12:37,207 --> 00:12:39,232 What you talkin' 'bout? What you talkin' 'bout? 227 00:12:39,309 --> 00:12:42,854 - What you talkin' 'bout? - [Shouting] 228 00:12:43,655 --> 00:12:45,953 That's right, sir. We stopped him again. 229 00:12:46,024 --> 00:12:48,515 - What in the hell is goin' on here? - We just stopped Rodney King. 230 00:12:48,593 --> 00:12:50,584 Let's get him out the car. 231 00:12:53,498 --> 00:12:55,432 All right, King! Come on out! 232 00:12:55,500 --> 00:12:57,730 - I get the first crack at him this time. - I'm gonna whup his ass. 233 00:12:57,802 --> 00:12:59,736 - Come on! Get on out! - Hey. 234 00:12:59,804 --> 00:13:02,398 [Audience Cheering] 235 00:13:03,775 --> 00:13:08,235 - [Cheering Continues] - Hey. I mean... 236 00:13:08,313 --> 00:13:10,372 I mean, what King? Dangerfield. 237 00:13:10,448 --> 00:13:13,576 Wait a minute, man. It's Rodney Dangerfield. 238 00:13:13,652 --> 00:13:15,847 Yo, man, what the hell you doin' here? 239 00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:19,014 I just moved into the neighborhood. What a neighborhood. 240 00:13:19,090 --> 00:13:21,354 This morning, I saw a guy rotate his tires... 241 00:13:21,426 --> 00:13:23,656 from my car to his. 242 00:13:25,163 --> 00:13:27,529 Then they gave a guy a 21 -gun salute... 243 00:13:27,599 --> 00:13:29,863 in his back. 244 00:13:29,934 --> 00:13:32,402 What a neighborhood. My apartment... nothin' but robberies. 245 00:13:32,470 --> 00:13:35,268 Every time I close a window, I hit somebody's hands. 246 00:13:37,676 --> 00:13:39,610 This afternoon, there was a knock on my front door. 247 00:13:39,678 --> 00:13:41,805 I figured I'd play it safe. I opened the peephole. 248 00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:46,010 A guy reached in and grabbed me, with both hands. 249 00:13:46,084 --> 00:13:48,018 [Gunshots] 250 00:13:48,086 --> 00:13:50,816 - What the hell is goin' on? - It's that new gang... the Pit Bulls. 251 00:13:50,889 --> 00:13:53,323 - The Pit Bulls? We need to get outta here. - Come on, Rodney. Let's go. 252 00:13:53,391 --> 00:13:55,325 What are you gonna do, put me in jail? 253 00:13:55,393 --> 00:13:57,327 No. We gonna take you home to your wife. 254 00:13:57,395 --> 00:13:59,386 Do me a favor, will you? Put me in jail. 255 00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:01,898 No. Come on, Rodney. Let's go. Come on. 256 00:14:01,966 --> 00:14:05,333 Please! You never saw my wife. I took her to a dog show. She won. 257 00:14:06,538 --> 00:14:08,665 Take it easy, will you? Come on, will you? 258 00:14:08,740 --> 00:14:12,540 My wife... Take me away, will ya? And, man, she's fat too. And I mean fat. 259 00:14:12,610 --> 00:14:15,340 To have sex with her, you gotta slap her thigh and ride the wave in. 260 00:14:15,413 --> 00:14:17,347 I mean fat. 261 00:14:17,415 --> 00:14:19,906 Come on, Rodney. Get in the car. Get in the car. 262 00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:23,147 I tell you, it's the story of my life. 263 00:14:23,221 --> 00:14:25,155 No respect. I don't get no respect at all. 264 00:14:25,223 --> 00:14:27,350 Are you kiddin'? No respect at all. 265 00:14:27,425 --> 00:14:30,485 - All right. Come on, Rodney. - Are you kiddin'? 266 00:14:30,562 --> 00:14:33,998 I called up AT&T. They won't take me back. 267 00:14:35,033 --> 00:14:37,024 Come on. Let's go. 268 00:14:40,371 --> 00:14:42,862 ♪♪ [Hip-hop] 269 00:14:46,044 --> 00:14:47,978 ♪♪ [Continues] 270 00:15:20,145 --> 00:15:21,772 ♪♪ [Ends] 271 00:15:24,916 --> 00:15:28,579 Honey, thanks so much for helping us with our garage sale. 272 00:15:28,653 --> 00:15:30,780 That's what neighbors are for. 273 00:15:30,855 --> 00:15:33,847 I can't believe you're really gonna sell all this stuff. 274 00:15:33,925 --> 00:15:37,986 There must be years and years of memories in each one of these things. 275 00:15:38,062 --> 00:15:41,498 Oh, material things ain't important long as you got each other. 276 00:15:41,566 --> 00:15:44,330 The flames may have died down... 277 00:15:44,402 --> 00:15:47,337 but the embers is still smoulderin' red hot. 278 00:15:47,405 --> 00:15:52,069 - And after all these years... - [Together] We still together. 279 00:15:52,143 --> 00:15:54,134 Well, good luck on your garage sale. 280 00:15:54,212 --> 00:15:57,773 That woman touchin' me like she know me. [Mutters] 281 00:15:57,849 --> 00:15:59,874 You know, Mrs. Brooks... 282 00:15:59,951 --> 00:16:04,320 Iookin' around at all this dusty, funk-stank things... 283 00:16:04,389 --> 00:16:08,382 make me wonder why your drawers ain't up for sale. 284 00:16:08,459 --> 00:16:12,190 Why, that's very perceptive of you, Mr. Brooks. 285 00:16:12,263 --> 00:16:14,595 But you should be the one to talk about stank. 286 00:16:14,666 --> 00:16:16,896 The only reason your toenails are ingrown... 287 00:16:16,968 --> 00:16:20,495 'cause they tryin' to get away from the funk. 288 00:16:20,572 --> 00:16:23,769 Now, why don't you go over there and pick up that paintin' of my mama? 289 00:16:23,842 --> 00:16:26,174 Well, I wouldn't mind doin' that at all, Mrs. Brooks. 290 00:16:26,244 --> 00:16:28,178 Not at all, Mrs. Brooks. 291 00:16:28,246 --> 00:16:32,273 But let me ask you somethin'. Now, why would anyone pay $25... 292 00:16:32,350 --> 00:16:34,341 for a picture of your ugly-ass mama... 293 00:16:34,419 --> 00:16:36,979 when they could rent her for 10 bucks an hour? 294 00:16:38,823 --> 00:16:41,587 [Grunts] 295 00:16:41,659 --> 00:16:44,526 Mrs. Brooks, now, what's goin' on here? 296 00:16:44,596 --> 00:16:48,896 What, you tryin' to trim them damn dreadlocks in your nose hairs there? 297 00:16:48,967 --> 00:16:51,765 That's strange, Mr. Brooks... 298 00:16:51,836 --> 00:16:54,566 - you talkin' about a person's groomin' habits. - Uh-huh? 299 00:16:54,639 --> 00:16:57,699 Why, your breath is so funky, when you smoke, you blow onion rings. 300 00:16:57,775 --> 00:16:59,936 Oh, watch it. Watch it. 301 00:17:00,011 --> 00:17:04,778 Well, since you been kind enough to bring up my physical shortcomings, Mrs. Brooks... 302 00:17:04,849 --> 00:17:07,374 you got so much cellulite on your butt... 303 00:17:07,452 --> 00:17:11,411 Iook like you done got spanked with a waffle iron. 304 00:17:12,957 --> 00:17:15,949 Look here, Mrs. Brooks. Now, before we can price this mower... 305 00:17:16,027 --> 00:17:18,086 I believe we should know how sharp the blade is. 306 00:17:18,162 --> 00:17:20,096 Would you mind reachin' in and gettin' a feel for it? 307 00:17:20,164 --> 00:17:23,827 Why, sure, Mr. Brooks. Let me get on in here and see what's goin' on. 308 00:17:23,902 --> 00:17:26,393 - [Engine Starts] - What... Hey! Oh! 309 00:17:26,471 --> 00:17:28,530 Oh, sorry about that, Mrs. Brooks. 310 00:17:28,606 --> 00:17:30,938 I suppose the lawn mower got a mind of its own. 311 00:17:31,009 --> 00:17:33,204 Well, at least it's got a mind, Mr. Brooks. 312 00:17:33,278 --> 00:17:37,044 Your I.Q. Is so low, the only way they could brainwash you is with an enema. 313 00:17:37,115 --> 00:17:39,913 Oh, watch out. Watch out. 314 00:17:39,984 --> 00:17:43,476 Watch out now. I wouldn't be the one to talk about smarts, Mrs. Brooks. 315 00:17:43,554 --> 00:17:46,421 Why, you so dumb, you thought Somalia and Zimbabwe... 316 00:17:46,491 --> 00:17:49,426 were the name of them two ol' ugly grandchildren of yours. 317 00:17:49,494 --> 00:17:53,931 Mr. Brooks, you really aren't gonna sell this here recliner, are you? 318 00:17:53,998 --> 00:17:56,762 Oh, no, no, no. No, no. I love that chair now, Mrs. Brooks. 319 00:17:56,834 --> 00:17:59,928 Mm-hmm. I can't tell you how many good naps I done had right here. 320 00:18:00,004 --> 00:18:02,495 Well, Mr. Brooks, why don't you have a seat? 321 00:18:02,573 --> 00:18:07,272 - Well, I believe l... - And just turn that handle on the side to get your feet up. 322 00:18:07,345 --> 00:18:09,973 Uh-huh. Don't mind if I do. 323 00:18:10,048 --> 00:18:13,984 Lord, have mer... I believe it's stuck. Well, I'll be damned. 324 00:18:16,387 --> 00:18:20,687 Well, look here, Mrs. Brooks. It's my first camera. 325 00:18:20,758 --> 00:18:24,558 Now, Mr. Brooks, what do you need a camera for? 326 00:18:24,629 --> 00:18:28,656 The only film you've ever developed is on them little giblets you call teeth. 327 00:18:28,733 --> 00:18:30,758 Watch it now, woman. Look here, Mrs. Brooks. 328 00:18:30,835 --> 00:18:33,201 Why don't you stand right here... 329 00:18:33,271 --> 00:18:36,798 and let me get a nice picture of you? 330 00:18:36,874 --> 00:18:39,138 - Why, sure, Mr. Brooks. - Uh-huh. 331 00:18:39,210 --> 00:18:42,111 - Now just say "cheese." - Wait. Wait. Let me fix my makeup. 332 00:18:45,350 --> 00:18:48,615 Ooh! You done done it now, Mr. Brooks. 333 00:18:48,686 --> 00:18:50,677 This may not be Texas... 334 00:18:50,755 --> 00:18:53,747 - but prepare for the chainsaw massacre. - Oh, yeah? 335 00:18:53,825 --> 00:18:55,725 - This may not be Friday the 13th... - [Chainsaw Buzzing] 336 00:18:55,793 --> 00:18:57,658 But it's still gonna be your unlucky day. 337 00:18:57,729 --> 00:19:00,960 - Now, woman, where you want it? - I don't know, Mr. Brooks. 338 00:19:01,032 --> 00:19:03,023 Since I been with you, I ain't never had it. 339 00:19:03,101 --> 00:19:05,331 Look out. Come on and get it. 340 00:19:05,403 --> 00:19:08,770 I'm gonna slice you up and serve you like ugly on the half shell. 341 00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:10,933 - [Buzzing] - Come on. 342 00:19:13,344 --> 00:19:15,471 Oh, yeah, I got news for you, Mrs. Brooks. 343 00:19:15,546 --> 00:19:18,538 - I'm gonna dance on your grave. - Oh! 344 00:19:18,616 --> 00:19:20,709 In that case, you better bury me at sea. 345 00:19:20,785 --> 00:19:24,243 [Both Grunting] 346 00:19:24,322 --> 00:19:26,449 So, how's that garage sale goin'? 347 00:19:26,524 --> 00:19:29,220 Oh, my goodness. In the driveway? 348 00:19:29,293 --> 00:19:32,751 [Together] We still together. 349 00:19:39,003 --> 00:19:43,064 - All right, man. This is Garrett Morris. - And Chris Rock. 350 00:19:43,141 --> 00:19:47,407 We never got a chance to say good night on Saturday Night Live, so... 351 00:19:47,478 --> 00:19:49,810 And finally now we're gettin' the chance. 352 00:19:49,881 --> 00:19:53,214 - We're gonna get our one and only break... - Man, shut up. 353 00:19:53,284 --> 00:19:55,275 Good night, everybody. 354 00:19:56,954 --> 00:19:59,445 ♪♪ [Hip-hop] 31096

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