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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,687 --> 00:00:04,917 ♪ Come and listen to the story 'bout a man named Bill ♪ 2 00:00:04,989 --> 00:00:07,082 ♪ Hick Razorback with a destiny to fill ♪ 3 00:00:07,158 --> 00:00:10,150 ♪ But 20 years before he would take the oath and creed ♪ 4 00:00:10,228 --> 00:00:14,028 ♪ He dodged Vietnam and he toked a little weed ♪ 5 00:00:14,098 --> 00:00:19,126 Reefer, that is. MaryJane. Didn't inhale. 6 00:00:19,203 --> 00:00:21,831 ♪ Well, the next thing you know Bill's the head of Arkansas ♪ 7 00:00:21,906 --> 00:00:25,171 ♪ Fiddlin'with the budget and a honey from Hee Haw ♪ 8 00:00:25,243 --> 00:00:27,177 ♪ They said, hey, Bill you should be the chief exec ♪ 9 00:00:27,245 --> 00:00:30,510 - ♪ So he balanced off the ticket with another redneck ♪ - [Whistles] 10 00:00:30,581 --> 00:00:35,917 Gore, that is. Senator. Tennessee. 11 00:00:35,987 --> 00:00:38,581 The Capitol Hillbillies! 12 00:00:41,359 --> 00:00:44,522 ♪ So now it's time to say good-bye to Bush and all his kin ♪ 13 00:00:44,595 --> 00:00:47,996 ♪ So take that dog and Millie too 'cause Bill's a-swearin'in ♪ 14 00:00:48,066 --> 00:00:51,365 ♪ He'd better work some miracles on this economy ♪ 15 00:00:51,436 --> 00:00:56,339 ♪ And not do to the country what he does to Hillary ♪ 16 00:00:56,407 --> 00:00:59,274 Jennifer too. Take your clothes off 17 00:00:59,344 --> 00:01:01,312 Y'all come again, now, ya hear? 18 00:01:01,379 --> 00:01:03,540 ♪♪ [Ends] 19 00:01:05,883 --> 00:01:06,872 - How you livin'? - What? 20 00:01:06,951 --> 00:01:08,441 - How you livin'? - What? 21 00:01:08,519 --> 00:01:10,510 - How you livin'? - ♪ In living color♪ 22 00:01:10,588 --> 00:01:14,684 - ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 23 00:01:14,759 --> 00:01:19,025 - ♪ Anything you want is up to you ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 24 00:01:19,097 --> 00:01:22,897 - ♪ You for me and me for you ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 25 00:01:22,967 --> 00:01:27,233 - ♪ You can be anything you wanna be ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 26 00:01:27,305 --> 00:01:29,933 - ♪ Let's take a trip and sip on a dream ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪ 27 00:01:30,007 --> 00:01:32,168 - ♪ Glide with the guide on a funky scene ♪ - ♪ All right ♪ 28 00:01:32,243 --> 00:01:34,711 ♪ Here comes another one of those funky, funny mo'money shows ♪ 29 00:01:34,779 --> 00:01:36,303 ♪ A cast for laughs and talented roles ♪ 30 00:01:36,381 --> 00:01:38,508 ♪ And sisters with twisters for you been lookin'listener♪ 31 00:01:38,583 --> 00:01:40,551 ♪ It seems you don't believe so you can believe what I convince ya ♪ 32 00:01:40,618 --> 00:01:42,643 ♪ Some booty to your short and thought We'll make it snappy ♪ 33 00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:44,813 ♪ With jokes and pokes at folks to keep you happy ♪ 34 00:01:44,889 --> 00:01:47,084 ♪ No need to hold your remote control ♪ 35 00:01:47,158 --> 00:01:49,126 ♪ Chill This show's got soul ♪ 36 00:01:49,193 --> 00:01:51,286 ♪ All aboard, all aboard The train never troubles ♪ 37 00:01:51,362 --> 00:01:52,727 ♪ You'd better snuggle up couple up ♪ 38 00:01:52,797 --> 00:01:54,492 - ♪ On the double-dub-double ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪ 39 00:01:54,565 --> 00:01:57,796 ♪ It's hard to believe but some of the best things in life are free ♪ 40 00:01:57,869 --> 00:01:59,894 ♪ So, fellas, grab your girl Tell her that you love her♪ 41 00:01:59,971 --> 00:02:02,906 ♪ 'Cause that's the way you're livin' when you're livin'in living color♪ 42 00:02:02,974 --> 00:02:06,501 ♪ Go, go, go, go go, go, go, go ♪♪ 43 00:02:06,577 --> 00:02:08,067 ♪ Go, go ♪♪ 44 00:02:14,886 --> 00:02:17,548 Hey! How y'all doin'? 45 00:02:19,457 --> 00:02:21,391 It's me... Benita Butrell. Mm-hmm. 46 00:02:21,459 --> 00:02:23,359 I'm just here gettin' my annual checkup. 47 00:02:23,428 --> 00:02:25,988 Oh, don't worry about me, 'cause I'm the picture of health. 48 00:02:26,063 --> 00:02:29,294 That's 'cause I start off every day with a big glass of prune juice. 49 00:02:29,367 --> 00:02:33,326 Mm-hmm. Miss Benita's got more movements than Beethoven's fifth symphony. 50 00:02:34,605 --> 00:02:37,699 Well, lookee here. If it ain't Gretchen Kabunkie. 51 00:02:37,775 --> 00:02:41,336 Hey, girl, I don't know why you're here. You're in perfect health. 52 00:02:41,412 --> 00:02:45,974 You got a figure any woman would die for. 53 00:02:47,985 --> 00:02:52,115 That's 'cause if they had a figure like that, they'd kill themselves. 54 00:02:52,190 --> 00:02:56,559 That woman's so skinny, they had to tie knots in her legs to make knees. 55 00:02:56,627 --> 00:02:59,755 Mm-hmm. People in Somalia are sending her food. 56 00:02:59,831 --> 00:03:02,629 But I ain't one to gossip, so you ain't heard that from me. 57 00:03:04,135 --> 00:03:06,069 Well, lookee here. It's Dr. Fletcher. 58 00:03:06,137 --> 00:03:10,597 How you doin', Dr. Fletcher? What a wonderful doctor you are. 59 00:03:10,675 --> 00:03:15,009 You got the best practice in the entire world. 60 00:03:17,482 --> 00:03:20,178 Malpractice, that is. Mm-hmm. 61 00:03:20,251 --> 00:03:23,982 He's made more vegetables than theJolly Green Giant. 62 00:03:24,055 --> 00:03:28,788 The man's so mean, he gives a rectal exam with a Freddy Krueger glove. 63 00:03:28,860 --> 00:03:32,352 Why, lookee here. If it ain't Mr. Fisher. 64 00:03:32,430 --> 00:03:35,058 Mr. Fisher, I'm sorry to see you in pain. 65 00:03:35,132 --> 00:03:39,432 Oh, boy. I know your wife must be besides herself. Mmm, mmm, mmm. 66 00:03:39,504 --> 00:03:43,167 That's 'cause she caught him sleepin' with someone besides herself. 67 00:03:45,810 --> 00:03:49,541 That man wears a steel-belted condom. Mm-hmm. 68 00:03:49,614 --> 00:03:52,105 Last time she caught him cheatin', she messed up his face so bad... 69 00:03:52,183 --> 00:03:55,584 it looked like you oughta dip some Doritos in it. 70 00:03:57,288 --> 00:04:01,281 Oh, here comes Jan Young and her brand-new bundle. 71 00:04:01,359 --> 00:04:04,055 Let me get a peek at the precious little thing. 72 00:04:04,128 --> 00:04:08,087 Oh, he's cute as a bug in a rug. 73 00:04:13,371 --> 00:04:15,965 More like a maggot in a diaper. 74 00:04:18,743 --> 00:04:23,180 They can't let that baby play in the sandbox, 'cause the cat keeps burying it. 75 00:04:24,482 --> 00:04:27,349 Oh, Miss Abbot, look at you. 76 00:04:27,418 --> 00:04:29,750 You still got your jaws wired shut? 77 00:04:29,820 --> 00:04:34,257 Ooh, I really admire that. You got a whole lot of guts. 78 00:04:37,395 --> 00:04:41,729 Got a whole lot of guts, a whole lot of butts, and a whole lot of chins. 79 00:04:41,799 --> 00:04:43,926 Mm-hmm. If she's on a liquid diet... 80 00:04:44,001 --> 00:04:46,663 that woman must be juicin' Bundt cakes. 81 00:04:46,737 --> 00:04:49,638 She's so fat, after sex, she smokes a turkey. 82 00:04:52,677 --> 00:04:56,272 Doctor! Doctor, come quick! My-My grandmother! 83 00:04:56,347 --> 00:04:58,281 What's happenin'? What's happenin'? Who is it? 84 00:04:58,349 --> 00:05:00,647 I think she passed out. That's Miss Jenkins from the Hopkins projects. 85 00:05:00,718 --> 00:05:02,583 [Screaming] 86 00:05:02,653 --> 00:05:06,521 Oh, Lord! Oh, no! Don't let nothin' happen to Miss Jenkins! 87 00:05:06,591 --> 00:05:10,618 Oh, don't let nothin' happen to Miss Jenkins! Take me! Take me! Take me! 88 00:05:10,695 --> 00:05:13,357 No, you don't wanna take her now! Oh! 89 00:05:13,431 --> 00:05:15,490 Look, I think she'll be all right. Let's get her to the hospital. 90 00:05:15,566 --> 00:05:17,500 - Come on. - Oh! 91 00:05:17,568 --> 00:05:21,026 Whew! Whew! We almost lost Miss Jenkins, honey. 92 00:05:21,105 --> 00:05:24,666 That was a close shave. Oh! 93 00:05:26,077 --> 00:05:30,138 And, speaking of close shaves, she could use one. 94 00:05:30,214 --> 00:05:35,117 That woman's got so much facial hair, she looks like Chewbacca with a weave. 95 00:05:35,186 --> 00:05:38,212 But I ain't one to gossip, so you ain't heard that from me. 96 00:05:47,865 --> 00:05:52,199 Hi. I'm Amy Fisher. You know, the Long Island Lolita. 97 00:05:52,269 --> 00:05:55,466 - And this is Joey Buttafuoco over here. - Hey! 98 00:05:55,539 --> 00:05:58,406 Joey Buttafuoco over here! 99 00:05:58,476 --> 00:06:01,843 Hey, girls, are you a whore? Are you good with a handgun? 100 00:06:01,912 --> 00:06:03,971 Do you like to have sex in a car? 101 00:06:04,048 --> 00:06:08,485 Are you as dumb as dip, but you still wanna make a lot of money? 102 00:06:08,552 --> 00:06:12,750 Then take Amy's special Bang For Your Bucks seminar. 103 00:06:12,823 --> 00:06:16,224 - Tell 'em, princess. - Three simple steps. 104 00:06:16,293 --> 00:06:21,196 One, you get yourself a really sexy guy. 105 00:06:21,265 --> 00:06:25,429 Hey. Joey Buttafuoco over here. 106 00:06:25,503 --> 00:06:27,664 But to land yourself a really sexy guy... 107 00:06:27,738 --> 00:06:30,673 first you gotta get yourself a whole lot of hair. 108 00:06:30,741 --> 00:06:33,471 Anything less than two feet ain't really sexy. 109 00:06:33,544 --> 00:06:37,537 - Right, Joey? - Joey Buttafuoco over here! 110 00:06:39,250 --> 00:06:43,744 Step two: You get yourself a gun, and you find this guy's wife. 111 00:06:43,821 --> 00:06:48,622 Then you just point and shoot. Bada-bing, bada-bang! 112 00:06:48,693 --> 00:06:52,823 Step three: You sell off your movie rights, your paperback rights. 113 00:06:52,897 --> 00:06:55,195 Then you look for the new sitcom on Fox... 114 00:06:55,266 --> 00:06:57,700 The Buttafuocos Over Here! 115 00:06:57,768 --> 00:07:01,761 Hey, sure, I'm gonna spend a couple of years in the slammer... 116 00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:06,037 but I'm already eligible for parole in '95 over here. 117 00:07:06,110 --> 00:07:09,477 And all this money spread out with three years in the clink... 118 00:07:09,547 --> 00:07:12,345 that works out to, per year... 119 00:07:12,416 --> 00:07:16,409 Oh, she's workin' it out! 120 00:07:17,822 --> 00:07:20,848 I gotta put somethin'... Well, a whole lot of money. 121 00:07:20,925 --> 00:07:22,950 So, take my seminar. 122 00:07:23,027 --> 00:07:27,088 Yeah, right. I took Amy's seminar, and nobody bought my rights. 123 00:07:27,164 --> 00:07:29,928 All I did was go straight to jail. 124 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:33,697 Oops. I almost forgot the most important step. 125 00:07:33,771 --> 00:07:37,207 Step number four: Make sure that you're white. 126 00:07:37,274 --> 00:07:39,333 Yeah, 'cause Hollywood only buys stories... 127 00:07:39,410 --> 00:07:43,107 about white people killing each other over here! 128 00:07:43,180 --> 00:07:46,877 Hey, duh! Now, give me a kiss here, Joey! 129 00:07:46,951 --> 00:07:51,012 You come here, you! Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! 130 00:07:51,088 --> 00:07:56,822 Hey, Joey! What are you kissin' that whore for? 131 00:07:56,894 --> 00:08:00,159 Hey, MaryJo. I wasn't kissin' her. 132 00:08:00,231 --> 00:08:04,429 I was, uh, givin' her C.P.R. Over here. 133 00:08:06,103 --> 00:08:08,333 - Give me a break. - That's myJoey... 134 00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:12,034 always trying to help people over here. 135 00:08:12,109 --> 00:08:16,546 All right, everybody break it up. Visiting day is over over here. 136 00:08:16,614 --> 00:08:19,412 So dial 555-LO-LITER. 137 00:08:19,483 --> 00:08:22,008 I'll get you more bang for your buck. 138 00:08:22,086 --> 00:08:25,385 Bada-bing, bada-bang. It's just that simple. 139 00:08:25,456 --> 00:08:27,219 Call me. 140 00:08:27,291 --> 00:08:30,590 - [Whispering] Over here? - Over here. 141 00:08:34,198 --> 00:08:36,257 ♪♪ [Hip-hop] 142 00:08:36,333 --> 00:08:53,240 ♪♪ [Man Rapping] 143 00:08:53,317 --> 00:08:57,651 ♪♪ [Continues] 144 00:09:13,404 --> 00:09:15,565 ♪♪ [Ends] 145 00:09:20,689 --> 00:09:23,055 [Siren Wailing] 146 00:09:33,235 --> 00:09:35,567 [Creaking] 147 00:09:42,044 --> 00:09:46,538 What's up? Yo, yo, yo, what's up? 148 00:09:46,615 --> 00:09:50,381 Good evening, ghetto boys and ghouls. 149 00:09:50,452 --> 00:09:52,784 [Cackling] 150 00:09:52,855 --> 00:09:56,882 And welcome to my crib. 151 00:09:56,959 --> 00:10:00,122 Horror you doin'? 152 00:10:00,195 --> 00:10:03,062 I kill me! Get it? 153 00:10:03,132 --> 00:10:05,157 Kill? 154 00:10:05,234 --> 00:10:08,567 I'm just dying to bring you another story... 155 00:10:08,637 --> 00:10:11,868 from the blackest depths of terror. 156 00:10:11,940 --> 00:10:16,570 Now, some folks turn white with fear. 157 00:10:16,645 --> 00:10:20,672 Others Hiss-panic. 158 00:10:20,749 --> 00:10:22,649 Panic! Hispanic! 159 00:10:22,718 --> 00:10:26,984 [Cackling] 160 00:10:27,056 --> 00:10:32,688 Some even suffer from hallucin-Asians. 161 00:10:32,761 --> 00:10:35,059 Hallucin-Asians! 162 00:10:37,132 --> 00:10:41,762 I'm a riot. Not my African-American brothers, though. 163 00:10:41,837 --> 00:10:44,305 They're always chilling... 164 00:10:44,373 --> 00:10:47,638 like my good friend... 165 00:10:47,710 --> 00:10:49,337 Vanilla Ice. 166 00:10:52,581 --> 00:10:56,711 Just as cold as his record sales, huh? 167 00:10:56,785 --> 00:10:59,811 That's for that corny-ass movie. 168 00:10:59,888 --> 00:11:03,619 Tonight, I scared up a tale of fright... 169 00:11:03,692 --> 00:11:08,595 that isn't your usual Hollywood Nightmare on Cracker Street. 170 00:11:08,664 --> 00:11:13,499 This monster-piece of a fright was made by brothers... 171 00:11:13,569 --> 00:11:16,436 for brothers, salaam alaikum. 172 00:11:16,505 --> 00:11:20,965 So lock your doors and turn off the lights... 173 00:11:21,043 --> 00:11:26,345 and prepare to get curdled... 174 00:11:26,415 --> 00:11:28,815 blood. 175 00:11:28,884 --> 00:11:32,445 Blood! [Screaming] 176 00:11:35,157 --> 00:11:37,091 [Thunderclap] 177 00:11:37,159 --> 00:11:39,218 - Oh, I'm so excited. - I am too, baby. 178 00:11:39,294 --> 00:11:41,387 Come here, girl. 179 00:11:41,463 --> 00:11:43,431 Lookee here, girl. Home, sweet home. 180 00:11:43,499 --> 00:11:46,525 Honey, I just can't believe that we got this place so cheap. 181 00:11:46,602 --> 00:11:48,900 - This is nice. We can really fix this place up. - I think so. 182 00:11:48,971 --> 00:11:51,565 Make it real nice... Hey, hey, hey. 183 00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:54,609 - But, first, we gotta get this damn door fixed. - [Man Groans] 184 00:11:54,676 --> 00:11:57,645 Did you hear that? I think we got some freaks livin' next door to us. 185 00:11:57,713 --> 00:11:59,647 - You know, I was gonna tell you... - [Woman Groans] 186 00:11:59,715 --> 00:12:02,878 - We got some super freaks up in here. - Whoo! I hear that. 187 00:12:02,951 --> 00:12:05,681 [Man Howling, Cackling] 188 00:12:05,754 --> 00:12:08,552 - Hey, maybe it's James Brown. - You crazy. 189 00:12:08,624 --> 00:12:12,321 - [Pounding] - There's somebody at the door. 190 00:12:12,394 --> 00:12:16,057 - [Voice] Kill him. - Look, man, we didn't order no Ginsu knives, man. 191 00:12:16,131 --> 00:12:18,998 You need to get yourself right up off my porch. I can't even get in my own house! 192 00:12:19,067 --> 00:12:21,558 - You know what I'm sayin'? - Calm yourself. Calm yourself. 193 00:12:21,637 --> 00:12:25,004 It's all right, honey. I'll be right back. I'm just gonna hang up my coat. 194 00:12:27,910 --> 00:12:29,673 [Roaring] 195 00:12:29,745 --> 00:12:31,838 No, you won't! 196 00:12:31,914 --> 00:12:34,883 [Whimpering] 197 00:12:34,950 --> 00:12:38,408 You know what, girl? One thing about this place... the rats sure are smaller. 198 00:12:38,487 --> 00:12:40,614 A lot smaller. 199 00:12:40,689 --> 00:12:43,055 [Rumbling] 200 00:12:43,125 --> 00:12:45,685 [Man] Get out of my house! 201 00:12:45,761 --> 00:12:48,628 - This is my house! - The hell it is! 202 00:12:48,697 --> 00:12:53,430 We took out a V.A. Loan and borrowed $3,000 for the down payment. 203 00:12:53,502 --> 00:12:56,960 Then feel the burning fires ofhell! 204 00:12:57,039 --> 00:13:00,236 No, what you do is, you prepare to get your butt kicked. 205 00:13:00,309 --> 00:13:02,971 - [Shouting Continues] - Yeah, yeah. Keep it up. Keep it up. 206 00:13:03,045 --> 00:13:05,275 I'll give you somethin' to holler about. Keep it up! 207 00:13:05,347 --> 00:13:07,679 You know what? Martin is comin' on in two minutes. 208 00:13:07,749 --> 00:13:10,149 You need to hush up so I can see some Sheneneh. 209 00:13:10,219 --> 00:13:12,380 - Shut the hell up! - [Shouting Stops] 210 00:13:12,454 --> 00:13:14,581 - My house. - Aw, heck. 211 00:13:14,656 --> 00:13:17,454 I guess we can find another house to be our gateway to hell. 212 00:13:17,526 --> 00:13:19,517 Come on! 213 00:13:23,298 --> 00:13:27,029 [Chuckling] That was... That was fright... 214 00:13:27,102 --> 00:13:29,297 That was frightfully brief, wasn't it? 215 00:13:29,371 --> 00:13:33,137 But, then again, my people don't fear nothin' that goes bump in the night... 216 00:13:33,208 --> 00:13:35,972 unless it's comin' through the window with a shotgun. 217 00:13:36,044 --> 00:13:38,535 [Cackling] 218 00:13:38,614 --> 00:13:42,311 Join me next time for another terror-ific story... 219 00:13:42,384 --> 00:13:46,150 when I bring you Friday the First: Day of the Rent. 220 00:13:46,221 --> 00:13:48,212 [Laughs] Peace! 221 00:13:56,516 --> 00:13:59,713 And they would've been counting those positions against our administration... 222 00:13:59,786 --> 00:14:02,084 those bean counters who were doing that... 223 00:14:02,155 --> 00:14:05,215 if I had appointed white men to those positions. 224 00:14:05,292 --> 00:14:07,726 I'm back! 225 00:14:07,794 --> 00:14:10,729 Thought you could shake me, didn't ya? Well, let me ask you this: 226 00:14:10,797 --> 00:14:12,731 How you gonna inaugurate yourselves a new president... 227 00:14:12,799 --> 00:14:15,597 if good old Ross Perot done bought up all the airtime? 228 00:14:15,669 --> 00:14:18,467 And that's just what I done right now. Go ahead. 229 00:14:18,538 --> 00:14:21,616 Flip the channels. See if I ain't lyin'. 230 00:14:21,750 --> 00:14:25,743 I predict a big doo-doo storm coverin' this whole dang country... 231 00:14:25,820 --> 00:14:28,653 unless somebody finds me a government job but quick! 232 00:14:28,723 --> 00:14:30,623 ♪♪ [Humming] 233 00:14:30,692 --> 00:14:33,525 I'm still here. Say, folks... 234 00:14:33,595 --> 00:14:37,292 you ever notice how there's no blacks, noJews, no Puerto Ricans on TheJetsons? 235 00:14:37,365 --> 00:14:39,424 Future looks pretty bright, don't it? 236 00:14:39,501 --> 00:14:41,833 - [Crowd Booing] - Now, come on, now. 237 00:14:41,903 --> 00:14:44,736 I don't tell you people how to dig ditches. 238 00:14:44,806 --> 00:14:47,536 It's just common sense. I got charts to prove it. 239 00:14:47,609 --> 00:14:49,509 I'll come... I'll come out there! 240 00:14:49,577 --> 00:14:52,512 Hello, caller. You're on the Ross Perot Love Line. 241 00:14:52,580 --> 00:14:56,072 Why don't you tell me what you're wearin'. I'm all ears. 242 00:14:56,151 --> 00:15:00,417 Now, that's downright sexy. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. 243 00:15:00,488 --> 00:15:03,218 Yep, I can almost feel you right now. 244 00:15:03,291 --> 00:15:07,591 Drill for oil. We're gonna need rented air to cap this one. 245 00:15:07,662 --> 00:15:10,631 You wanna know my favorite position? Well, I'll tell you. 246 00:15:10,698 --> 00:15:12,757 It's a cabinet position, dag nabbit! 247 00:15:12,834 --> 00:15:17,362 ♪♪ [Hip-hop] 248 00:15:17,439 --> 00:15:20,897 ♪♪ [Rapping] 249 00:15:20,975 --> 00:15:24,570 It's just that simple. D.J. Ross in the house! 250 00:15:24,646 --> 00:15:27,342 See? I can get down with you people. 251 00:15:27,415 --> 00:15:29,906 But, I'm warning ya, when I come back from this commercial... 252 00:15:29,984 --> 00:15:31,918 I'm still gonna be here. 253 00:15:31,986 --> 00:15:35,581 I'm gonna be all over you like Mike Tyson at a beauty pageant. 254 00:15:35,657 --> 00:15:38,251 Now, "shamon." "Shamon," now. 255 00:15:38,326 --> 00:15:40,385 [Needle Scratching Record] 256 00:15:40,462 --> 00:15:43,226 ♪♪ [Rapping] 257 00:15:46,334 --> 00:15:49,633 - ♪♪ [Theme] - [Announcer] Welcome to You Bet Your Career... 258 00:15:49,704 --> 00:15:52,070 the show that gives airtime to former stars... 259 00:15:52,140 --> 00:15:54,938 with big egos and badjudgment. 260 00:15:55,009 --> 00:15:58,968 For example, here's your host, Bill Cosby! 261 00:15:59,047 --> 00:16:01,174 [Applause] 262 00:16:06,654 --> 00:16:10,249 Thank you. Yes, yes, yes. 263 00:16:10,325 --> 00:16:13,488 Okay, cut that... Stop! Cut that... Thank you. 264 00:16:13,561 --> 00:16:15,825 Now, you know the rules of the game. 265 00:16:15,897 --> 00:16:17,956 I come out and I make silly faces... 266 00:16:18,032 --> 00:16:21,763 while the contestants suck up to me... 267 00:16:21,836 --> 00:16:24,566 while I make silly faces, or else I shoot 'em. 268 00:16:24,639 --> 00:16:26,573 [Gibberish] 269 00:16:26,641 --> 00:16:28,575 No, I'm just kiddin'. Now... 270 00:16:28,643 --> 00:16:32,773 let me introduce to you my assistant, Mr. T. 271 00:16:32,847 --> 00:16:35,748 [Applause] 272 00:16:35,817 --> 00:16:39,378 - Hey, fool! - How you doin'? 273 00:16:39,454 --> 00:16:42,946 - Now, correct me if I'm wrong. - I will, fool. 274 00:16:43,024 --> 00:16:47,893 Okay. Now... But didn't you once have a top-rated TV series? 275 00:16:47,962 --> 00:16:51,591 You had your own cartoon, and you had gold around the neck. 276 00:16:51,666 --> 00:16:53,691 - That's right, fool. - Well, what happened? 277 00:16:53,768 --> 00:16:56,066 I was a fool. 278 00:16:56,137 --> 00:16:58,071 No argument here. Now... 279 00:16:58,139 --> 00:17:00,835 let's greet our contestants for tonight. 280 00:17:00,909 --> 00:17:04,072 Let's give it up for Delta Burke and Sinbad. 281 00:17:04,145 --> 00:17:06,340 - ♪♪ [Theme] - [Applause] 282 00:17:10,585 --> 00:17:15,147 Bill! Man, I just gotta say one thing, man. 283 00:17:15,223 --> 00:17:17,783 It is crazy out there, man! 284 00:17:17,859 --> 00:17:21,317 How come every time you get on an airplane, they give you them little old pillows, man? 285 00:17:21,396 --> 00:17:24,991 I said, " Hey, man, this ain't no pillow. This is a tampon!" 286 00:17:25,066 --> 00:17:27,159 And that little baby... That little baby be cryin', man! 287 00:17:27,235 --> 00:17:30,033 That little baby cryin' loud! I ain't lyin'! 288 00:17:30,104 --> 00:17:32,504 - Baby got a big old butt. - Sinbad. 289 00:17:32,574 --> 00:17:35,600 Sinbad, how many times do I have to tell you? 290 00:17:35,677 --> 00:17:37,611 You don't have to shout to be funny. 291 00:17:37,679 --> 00:17:42,480 You just have to make silly faces, you know. There you go. Make a silly face. 292 00:17:42,550 --> 00:17:45,451 Now, Delta, why in heaven's name... 293 00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:47,886 did you leave Designing Women? 294 00:17:47,956 --> 00:17:51,289 Well, my costars thought I was gettin' a big head. 295 00:17:51,359 --> 00:17:55,455 Oh, it ain't your head. It's your big old butt! 296 00:17:55,530 --> 00:17:57,930 Big old greasy butt, man. 297 00:17:57,999 --> 00:18:01,400 You know, what is the difference between Delta Burke and Delta Airlines, man? 298 00:18:01,469 --> 00:18:05,599 Twenty pounds, man! I ain't lyin'! I ain't lyin'. 299 00:18:05,673 --> 00:18:10,110 Sinbad, you know, you're the only man who shampoos his hair with Tang. 300 00:18:10,178 --> 00:18:13,011 Now, stop the badgerin' and the arguin'. 301 00:18:13,081 --> 00:18:15,015 Now, tonight, you two will be playing... 302 00:18:15,083 --> 00:18:18,746 for the walk-on part of the TV show Major Dad. 303 00:18:18,820 --> 00:18:21,414 - Pick me! Pick me! I'll start the warm-up! - Pick me! 304 00:18:21,489 --> 00:18:25,118 Now, our category, as always, is "Bad Career Moves." 305 00:18:25,193 --> 00:18:28,321 Now, listen to the question. 306 00:18:28,396 --> 00:18:33,493 This star made an awful career move when they left a popular TV series. 307 00:18:33,568 --> 00:18:35,502 - That would be me. - [Buzzer Sounds] 308 00:18:35,570 --> 00:18:37,868 - Oh! It's gotta be me. - [Buzzer Sounds] 309 00:18:37,939 --> 00:18:42,273 No, you're both wrong. It's me. [Gibberish] 310 00:18:42,343 --> 00:18:44,538 Just kidding. Now, next question. 311 00:18:44,612 --> 00:18:48,946 Whose career went down the toilet this year? 312 00:18:49,017 --> 00:18:51,008 - Vanilla Ice. - [Buzzer Dinging] 313 00:18:51,085 --> 00:18:52,643 That is correct. 314 00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:55,780 And whose career ended this year? 315 00:18:55,857 --> 00:18:58,121 - Uh, Dennis Miller. - [Buzzer Dinging] 316 00:18:58,192 --> 00:19:03,459 You are correct again. Now, here is the bonus question. 317 00:19:03,531 --> 00:19:07,023 Whose career is going to be washed up next year? 318 00:19:07,101 --> 00:19:09,228 - Oh! - [Together] Tom Arnold. 319 00:19:09,303 --> 00:19:12,363 - [Buzzer Dinging] - You are correct again. 320 00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:16,001 Now, I'm glad to say that... 321 00:19:16,077 --> 00:19:19,274 Hey, what is... What is going on, Filth, Flyin' and Floren? 322 00:19:19,347 --> 00:19:21,611 Can't you see that we're doin' the show here? 323 00:19:21,683 --> 00:19:23,617 We're repossessing this stuff, Mr. Cosby. 324 00:19:23,685 --> 00:19:26,119 How many times do I have to tell ya? You've been canceled. 325 00:19:26,187 --> 00:19:28,178 What do you... What do you mean, I've been canceled? 326 00:19:28,256 --> 00:19:31,453 I'm the most beloved father on television. You don't know nothing. 327 00:19:31,526 --> 00:19:33,790 I did all the voices for Fat Albert. 328 00:19:33,861 --> 00:19:37,319 [Imitating Fat Albert] Hey, hey, hey. Let Bill stay. 329 00:19:37,398 --> 00:19:41,061 [Gibberish] 330 00:19:41,135 --> 00:19:43,968 - What are you doin'? - Need a hand? 331 00:19:44,038 --> 00:19:46,666 - How does 20 bucks sound? - Deal, fool! 332 00:19:46,741 --> 00:19:49,869 - Hey, man, let me get some of that action. - Me too! 333 00:19:49,944 --> 00:19:52,037 Sinbad, Delta, how could you do this to me? 334 00:19:52,113 --> 00:19:53,637 - Hey, work is work. - I don't care. 335 00:19:53,715 --> 00:19:55,649 I can... I can buy this network. 336 00:19:55,717 --> 00:19:58,914 I don't need you to cancel me. I got money. Look at this here. 337 00:19:58,986 --> 00:20:01,113 I can't be canceled! 338 00:20:03,891 --> 00:20:06,485 Hi. I'm Jennifer, and this is Arthur... 339 00:20:06,561 --> 00:20:11,294 and we're here to introduce Uptown/M.C.A.'s recording artist Father M.C. 340 00:20:11,365 --> 00:20:15,165 - ♪♪ [Singing] - All right! 341 00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:37,054 ♪♪ [Rapping] 342 00:21:25,807 --> 00:21:27,832 ♪♪ [Continues] 343 00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:23,927 ♪♪ [Continues] 344 00:22:57,565 --> 00:22:59,624 ♪♪ [Ends] 29632

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