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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,786 --> 00:00:03,981 [Announcer] Coming soon to a theater near you... 2 00:00:04,055 --> 00:00:06,853 that bigmouth, bigoted owner of the Cincinnati Reds... 3 00:00:06,924 --> 00:00:11,088 in her first major motion picture, Driving Miss Shott. 4 00:00:15,066 --> 00:00:17,796 You know, Hoke, I don't understand... 5 00:00:17,869 --> 00:00:21,202 why I gotta go to this damn hearing anyway. 6 00:00:21,272 --> 00:00:26,869 Well, they say it 'cause of your racial hiring practices, Miss Ma'am. 7 00:00:26,944 --> 00:00:29,071 Why, that's just insane. 8 00:00:29,147 --> 00:00:33,015 If anything, I discriminate in favor of the black man. 9 00:00:33,084 --> 00:00:36,110 - O-Oh, Miss Ma'am? - Like when I hired you. 10 00:00:36,187 --> 00:00:39,384 I said, " I need a driver, and he better damn well be black... 11 00:00:39,457 --> 00:00:41,391 the blacker, the better." 12 00:00:41,459 --> 00:00:44,257 - Well, thank you, Miss Ma'am. - Not at all. 13 00:00:44,329 --> 00:00:47,890 You know, Hoke, did you know that I am so sympathetic to the black man... 14 00:00:47,965 --> 00:00:49,956 I've even taken a slave name? 15 00:00:50,034 --> 00:00:51,968 What's that now, ma'am? 16 00:00:52,036 --> 00:00:54,834 Master. [Laughing] 17 00:00:54,906 --> 00:00:57,033 - That's just a little joke. - Oh, look here. 18 00:00:57,108 --> 00:01:00,009 Don't get none on ya now, Miss Ma'am. [Chuckling] 19 00:01:00,078 --> 00:01:02,979 But, you know, I wouldn't recommend you say them type of thing... 20 00:01:03,047 --> 00:01:05,413 when you go for that hearin' today. 21 00:01:05,483 --> 00:01:07,974 'Cause that's what got you in trouble in the first place... 22 00:01:08,052 --> 00:01:10,919 and the press might not take kindly to it. 23 00:01:10,988 --> 00:01:14,981 Oh, the press! They're just a bunch of liberalJews. 24 00:01:15,059 --> 00:01:18,290 They're the ones who made me shorten the team name to the Reds. 25 00:01:18,363 --> 00:01:22,663 Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. What-What-What did the name used to be, Miss Ma'am? 26 00:01:22,734 --> 00:01:26,864 - The "Color-eds." Get it? I got lines. - You ain't got to tell me. 27 00:01:26,938 --> 00:01:30,203 It was just a little more fitting, don't you think? 28 00:01:30,274 --> 00:01:32,606 You know, Hoke, speakin' ofJews... 29 00:01:32,677 --> 00:01:35,669 have you heard the one about the new Jewish sports car? 30 00:01:35,747 --> 00:01:40,241 - Uh, ma'am? - It stops on a dime... even picks it up. 31 00:01:40,318 --> 00:01:42,252 [Chuckling] Oh. 32 00:01:42,320 --> 00:01:44,254 Oh, hush up now, Miss Shott. 33 00:01:44,322 --> 00:01:47,257 - I'm killin' myself. - Oh, you killing me too. 34 00:01:50,128 --> 00:01:52,358 You know, Hoke... 35 00:01:52,430 --> 00:01:55,058 if you don't drive this car better, I'm gonna trade you to theJaps... 36 00:01:55,133 --> 00:01:57,499 along with those other uppity millionaires. 37 00:01:57,568 --> 00:02:00,332 Now, ma'am, you startin' to work Hoke's last good nerve. 38 00:02:00,405 --> 00:02:02,339 Now, you shouldn't say such things. 39 00:02:02,407 --> 00:02:05,171 I'll say what I want. You're drivin' like an idiot. 40 00:02:05,243 --> 00:02:07,177 I can drive better from back here. 41 00:02:07,245 --> 00:02:10,112 Miss Shott, that's the first sensible thing you done said all day. 42 00:02:10,181 --> 00:02:12,581 - I got to go make water. - What? Hoke! 43 00:02:12,650 --> 00:02:14,811 [Screaming] 44 00:02:16,154 --> 00:02:18,645 [Announcer] Don't miss Driving Miss Shott. 45 00:02:18,723 --> 00:02:23,592 Because sometimes what you say can drive you over the edge. 46 00:02:23,661 --> 00:02:24,753 - How you livin'? - What? 47 00:02:24,829 --> 00:02:25,853 - How you livin'? - What? 48 00:02:25,930 --> 00:02:28,091 - How you livin'? - ♪ In living color♪ 49 00:02:30,401 --> 00:02:35,031 - ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 50 00:02:35,106 --> 00:02:39,372 - ♪ Anything you want is up to you ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 51 00:02:39,444 --> 00:02:43,244 - ♪ You for me and me for you ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 52 00:02:43,314 --> 00:02:47,580 - ♪ You can be anything you wanna be ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 53 00:02:47,652 --> 00:02:50,280 - ♪ Let's take a trip and sip on a dream ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪ 54 00:02:50,354 --> 00:02:52,515 - ♪ Glide with the guide on a funky scene ♪ - ♪ All right ♪ 55 00:02:52,590 --> 00:02:55,058 ♪ Here comes another one of those funky, funny mo'money shows ♪ 56 00:02:55,126 --> 00:02:56,650 ♪ A cast for laughs and talented roles ♪ 57 00:02:56,727 --> 00:02:58,854 ♪ And sisters with twisters for you been lookin', listener♪ 58 00:02:58,930 --> 00:03:00,898 ♪ It seems you don't believe so you can believe what I convince ya ♪ 59 00:03:00,965 --> 00:03:02,990 ♪ Some booty to your short and thought We'll make it snappy ♪ 60 00:03:03,067 --> 00:03:05,160 ♪ With jokes and pokes at folks to keep you happy ♪ 61 00:03:05,236 --> 00:03:07,431 ♪ No need to hold your remote control ♪ 62 00:03:07,505 --> 00:03:09,473 ♪ Chill This show's got soul ♪ 63 00:03:09,540 --> 00:03:11,633 ♪ All aboard, all aboard The train never troubles ♪ 64 00:03:11,709 --> 00:03:13,074 ♪ You'd better snuggle up couple up ♪ 65 00:03:13,144 --> 00:03:14,839 - ♪ On the double-dub-double ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪ 66 00:03:14,912 --> 00:03:18,143 ♪ It's hard to believe but some of the best things in life are free ♪ 67 00:03:18,216 --> 00:03:20,241 ♪ So, fellas, grab your girl Tell her that you love her♪ 68 00:03:20,318 --> 00:03:23,253 ♪ 'Cause that's the way you're livin' when you're livin'in living color♪ 69 00:03:23,321 --> 00:03:27,519 ♪ Go, go, go, go go, go, go, go ♪ 70 00:03:27,592 --> 00:03:31,858 ♪ Go, go, go, go go, go, go, go ♪ 71 00:03:31,929 --> 00:03:35,524 ♪ Go, go, go, go go, go, go, go ♪ 72 00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:37,693 ♪ Go, go, go, go, go ♪♪ 73 00:03:40,238 --> 00:03:42,229 ♪♪ [Humming] 74 00:03:44,475 --> 00:03:46,409 Good evening, brother. Season's greetings to you. 75 00:03:46,477 --> 00:03:49,469 - Whatever you're sellin', son, I don't want none. - No, wait. Please, sir. 76 00:03:49,547 --> 00:03:51,879 See... No, please. Please, sir, calm down. 77 00:03:51,949 --> 00:03:54,179 I'm not trying to sell you anything. 78 00:03:54,252 --> 00:03:56,720 I just wanna spread a little bit of holiday cheer for the Christmas season... 79 00:03:56,787 --> 00:03:58,812 by singing you one of my Christmas carols. 80 00:03:58,890 --> 00:04:01,688 If you like it, then of course I appreciate a small donation. 81 00:04:01,759 --> 00:04:04,694 If not, then perhaps you could just give me some honest criticism. 82 00:04:04,762 --> 00:04:07,822 Well, you can sing what you want, son, but I ain't givin' you a dime. 83 00:04:09,934 --> 00:04:11,868 Here we go. 84 00:04:11,936 --> 00:04:13,665 ♪♪ [Note] 85 00:04:13,738 --> 00:04:16,070 ♪♪ [Searching For Note, Off-key] 86 00:04:17,775 --> 00:04:20,642 - ♪Jingle bells, Jingle bells ♪ - ♪♪ [Ringing] 87 00:04:20,711 --> 00:04:23,441 ♪Jingle all the way ♪ 88 00:04:23,514 --> 00:04:29,043 ♪ Oh, what fun it is to choke a man in his hallway, hey ♪ 89 00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:32,920 ♪ Bashin' in your skull with aluminum baseball bat ♪ 90 00:04:32,990 --> 00:04:35,857 ♪ Swingin'for the stands laughin'while your brains go splat ♪ 91 00:04:35,927 --> 00:04:37,656 Ha ha ha! 92 00:04:37,728 --> 00:04:40,060 ♪Jingle bells, Jingle bells ♪ 93 00:04:40,131 --> 00:04:42,793 ♪Jingle all the way ♪ 94 00:04:42,867 --> 00:04:46,667 ♪ Throw you down a flight of ♪ 95 00:04:46,737 --> 00:04:49,865 ♪ Stairs ♪ 96 00:04:49,941 --> 00:04:52,569 ♪ If you do not pay ♪♪ 97 00:04:52,643 --> 00:04:56,170 - Do you take credit cards, son? - I certainly do, sir. 98 00:04:56,247 --> 00:04:59,114 It is better to give than receive. Have a good day. 99 00:05:03,454 --> 00:05:06,685 Good evening, folks. Could I spread a little bit of holiday cheer to your season... 100 00:05:06,757 --> 00:05:08,884 by singing you one of my Christmas carols? 101 00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:11,520 Look, pal, we don't have time. We're on our way to a party. 102 00:05:11,596 --> 00:05:14,292 Please, could I just sing one, sir? Just one. 103 00:05:14,365 --> 00:05:18,062 And if you like it, then I'd appreciate a small donation. 104 00:05:18,135 --> 00:05:21,468 If not, then maybe I could have some honest criticism. 105 00:05:21,539 --> 00:05:25,873 - Okay, go. - Okay. Thank you very much. 106 00:05:25,943 --> 00:05:27,604 ♪♪ [Note] 107 00:05:27,678 --> 00:05:30,875 ♪♪ [Searching For Note, Off-key] 108 00:05:32,717 --> 00:05:38,553 ♪Joy to the world Ice Poe has come ♪ 109 00:05:38,623 --> 00:05:43,754 ♪ To tie you to his car ♪ 110 00:05:43,828 --> 00:05:46,319 ♪ And drag you through the snow ♪ 111 00:05:46,397 --> 00:05:48,422 ♪ Then make your girl a ho ♪ 112 00:05:48,499 --> 00:05:52,868 ♪ And sell that bitch on the street to every brother I meet ♪ 113 00:05:52,937 --> 00:05:55,235 ♪ Then stomp your boyfriend's head ♪ 114 00:05:55,306 --> 00:05:59,800 ♪ Upon the concrete ♪♪ 115 00:06:03,047 --> 00:06:05,641 I'm sorry, madam, I cannot take your purse. 116 00:06:05,716 --> 00:06:09,277 - But I'll take your damn wallet. - [Crying] 117 00:06:09,353 --> 00:06:12,220 - Have a merry Christmas, sir. Merry Christmas to you. - [Whimpering] 118 00:06:13,324 --> 00:06:16,316 ♪ Fa-la la-la-la-la la la-la la ♪ 119 00:06:17,995 --> 00:06:20,259 - [Hacking] - [Coughs] 120 00:06:20,331 --> 00:06:24,165 Good evening, sir. Merry Christmas to you. 121 00:06:24,235 --> 00:06:27,329 I'm here to spread a little bit of holiday cheer by singin' some Christmas carols. 122 00:06:27,405 --> 00:06:30,636 - Do you mind? - Oh, man, now this is a coincidence, man... 123 00:06:30,708 --> 00:06:33,268 'cause I feel like spreadin' a little holiday cheer myself. 124 00:06:33,344 --> 00:06:36,780 - Do you mind? - Oh, not at all, sir. Feel free. 125 00:06:36,847 --> 00:06:39,338 ♪♪ [Vocal Percussion] 126 00:06:41,719 --> 00:06:44,847 'Twas the night before Christmas! 127 00:06:44,922 --> 00:06:47,982 ♪♪ [Percussion Continues] And I just lost my job! 128 00:06:48,059 --> 00:06:51,028 No food in my stomach... 129 00:06:51,095 --> 00:06:53,893 so I decided to rob! 130 00:06:53,964 --> 00:06:58,731 The victim was singing... and caroling along. 131 00:06:58,803 --> 00:07:00,828 So I stuck my slippered shoe... 132 00:07:00,905 --> 00:07:04,568 up his Santa Claus punk ass till his... 133 00:07:09,513 --> 00:07:13,040 Wow. I guess the holiday does bring out the best in everybody. 134 00:07:16,654 --> 00:07:18,952 ♪♪ [Hip-hop] 135 00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:58,294 [Ringing] 136 00:07:58,362 --> 00:08:01,798 Hey! How y'all doin'? It's me, Benita Buttrell. 137 00:08:01,866 --> 00:08:06,326 Honey, I'm spendin' the holidays helpin' collect money for those less fortunate than myself... 138 00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:09,372 which is everybody in this neighborhood, mm-hmm. 139 00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:12,273 While these knuckleheads were out shoppin' and spendin' next month's rent... 140 00:08:12,343 --> 00:08:14,277 Miss Benita was learnin' to be a technician... 141 00:08:14,345 --> 00:08:17,803 at Dr. Fleischer's School of Boil and Wart Removal. 142 00:08:17,882 --> 00:08:19,816 That's right, honey. I'm gonna have me somethin'. 143 00:08:19,884 --> 00:08:22,409 Oh, lookee here. Here comes my neighbor, Mr. Hervey. 144 00:08:22,486 --> 00:08:25,580 - Mr. Hervey, got somethin' for the kettle? - Sorry. No change. 145 00:08:25,656 --> 00:08:28,022 Aw, that's okay, Mr. Hervey. 146 00:08:28,092 --> 00:08:31,425 Thank you. Thanks anyway. [Laughing] 147 00:08:31,495 --> 00:08:34,760 Thanks for nothin'. Mm-hmm. 148 00:08:34,832 --> 00:08:39,064 That man so cheap, he wouldn't leave a tip at a circumcision. 149 00:08:39,136 --> 00:08:41,900 But I ain't one to gossip, so you ain't heard that from me. 150 00:08:41,972 --> 00:08:44,566 - [Coin Clinks] - Oh, bless you, Mr. Singer. 151 00:08:44,642 --> 00:08:46,610 You so kind and generous. 152 00:08:46,677 --> 00:08:49,874 You always givin' it up to the widows and the orphans. 153 00:08:53,717 --> 00:08:57,278 Right now, he's givin' it up to old Widow Johnson. Mm-hmm. 154 00:08:57,354 --> 00:08:59,914 That man see more tail than a veterinarian. 155 00:08:59,990 --> 00:09:04,051 - [Coin Clinks] - Look at this. Cynthia Williams. 156 00:09:04,128 --> 00:09:07,291 Thank you, girl. Homegirl, you as pretty as a picture. 157 00:09:09,900 --> 00:09:12,425 And dumb as a post. Mm-hmm. 158 00:09:12,503 --> 00:09:16,872 That girl so stupid, she nearly strangled herself with a cordless phone. 159 00:09:16,941 --> 00:09:19,273 And such an idiot... if you gave her a penny for her thoughts... 160 00:09:19,343 --> 00:09:22,005 you'd have change comin' back. 161 00:09:22,079 --> 00:09:25,810 Once, she got lost in thought, and they had to send a search party to get her out. 162 00:09:25,883 --> 00:09:28,283 But I ain't one to gossip, so you ain't heard that from me. 163 00:09:28,352 --> 00:09:30,752 - [Coin Clinks] - Boo Boo! 164 00:09:30,821 --> 00:09:35,485 Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo-Boo! Boo Boo Starker! How you doin'? 165 00:09:35,559 --> 00:09:38,790 You the busiest man in town. Always movin'. 166 00:09:40,598 --> 00:09:43,362 Always movin' his bowels, that is. Mm-hmm. 167 00:09:43,434 --> 00:09:45,595 That's 'cause of that new fiber diet he's on. 168 00:09:45,669 --> 00:09:49,161 The man eat so much oat bran, he once passed a wicker chair. 169 00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:51,731 Does more wipin' than a squeegee at a truck stop. 170 00:09:53,310 --> 00:09:57,747 Oh, if it ain't Neecie Anderson and her two little kids. 171 00:09:57,815 --> 00:10:01,649 Oh, look at them. They look just like Santa's helpers. 172 00:10:05,256 --> 00:10:08,783 More like Satan's helpers. 173 00:10:08,859 --> 00:10:11,885 Them kids so bad, even Chucky won't play with 'em. 174 00:10:13,597 --> 00:10:16,566 But I ain't one to gossip, so you ain't heard that from me. 175 00:10:16,634 --> 00:10:19,034 Excuse me, miss. I don't mean to bother you... 176 00:10:19,103 --> 00:10:21,936 but did you see a lady in a trench coat come through here? 177 00:10:22,006 --> 00:10:25,669 - No. Is there a problem, sir? - She's been exposin' herself at the hardware department. 178 00:10:25,743 --> 00:10:27,768 She's done it before. She's a little crazy in the head. 179 00:10:27,845 --> 00:10:31,246 - Her name is, uh... Uh, Jenkins? - [Screeches] 180 00:10:31,315 --> 00:10:34,580 No! You... Ooh! Ooh! No, uh-uh. 181 00:10:34,652 --> 00:10:37,382 No, don't you say nothin' bad about Miss Jenkins, honey! 182 00:10:37,454 --> 00:10:39,388 Don't you say nothin' bad about Miss Jenkins. 183 00:10:39,456 --> 00:10:42,948 She's a fine lady. Fine lady. Honey, I loves me some Miss Jenkins. 184 00:10:43,027 --> 00:10:46,258 She's a pillar in this community. We all look up to her. 185 00:10:46,330 --> 00:10:49,231 Don't you say nothin' bad about Miss Jenkins, honey. 186 00:10:54,638 --> 00:10:56,697 But just don't get too close. 187 00:10:56,774 --> 00:11:01,643 That woman's drawers so funky, she uses an Odor-Eater as a panty shield. 188 00:11:01,712 --> 00:11:04,442 But I ain't one to gossip, so you ain't heard that from me. 189 00:11:04,515 --> 00:11:08,383 Now, y'all listen to Miss Benita and have a nice holiday. 190 00:11:12,167 --> 00:11:14,135 ♪♪ [Piano] 191 00:11:14,202 --> 00:11:18,400 ♪ There was a farmer had a dog and Bingo was his name-o ♪ 192 00:11:18,473 --> 00:11:21,772 [Announcer] It's Mo Tell recording artists Cephus and Reesie Merriweather... 193 00:11:21,843 --> 00:11:24,073 in their most ambitious project yet... 194 00:11:24,145 --> 00:11:26,773 Cephus and Reesie's Sing Tunes for Tots. 195 00:11:26,848 --> 00:11:30,614 [Alternating] ♪ B-l-N-G-O, B-l-N-G-O ♪ 196 00:11:30,685 --> 00:11:33,051 ♪ B-l-N-G-O ♪ 197 00:11:33,121 --> 00:11:39,458 ♪ And Bingo was his name-o ♪♪ 198 00:11:39,527 --> 00:11:42,519 Now wait a minute, Cephie. 199 00:11:42,597 --> 00:11:45,532 Why did the farmer name his dog Bingo? 200 00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:47,830 'Cause he couldn't spell "Domino"? 201 00:11:47,902 --> 00:11:50,302 Why, couldn't he spell "Monopolo"? 202 00:11:50,371 --> 00:11:54,364 - Nuh-uh-uh. But he could spell "lotto." - Ooh! I'm-a buy me a TV! 203 00:11:54,442 --> 00:11:58,173 ♪ L-O-T-T-O L-O-T-T-O ♪ 204 00:11:58,246 --> 00:12:00,305 ♪ L-O-T-T-O ♪ 205 00:12:00,381 --> 00:12:04,784 ♪ And Lotto was his name-o ♪♪ 206 00:12:04,853 --> 00:12:08,414 - ♪ Hush... here we go... little baby ♪ - ♪♪ [Vocalizing] 207 00:12:08,489 --> 00:12:10,719 - ♪ Don't you cry ♪ - ♪ Oh, I cry ♪ 208 00:12:10,792 --> 00:12:12,987 - Take it, Reesie! - ♪ You will see ♪ 209 00:12:13,061 --> 00:12:17,623 - Say what? - ♪ I'm gonna buy you a Scoo-oo-oo-ter Pie ♪ 210 00:12:17,699 --> 00:12:21,465 Here I go! ♪ Twinkies and Ho Hos ♪ 211 00:12:21,536 --> 00:12:23,697 ♪ Ding Dongs too ♪♪ 212 00:12:23,771 --> 00:12:26,433 Now wait a minute, Cephie! 213 00:12:26,507 --> 00:12:30,341 Now, you know full well all that sugar is too much for your cavities. 214 00:12:30,411 --> 00:12:33,972 It sure 'nough is, 'cause it ain't as sweet as my Reesie's pieces. 215 00:12:34,048 --> 00:12:35,982 - [Screeching] - Give me some! 216 00:12:36,050 --> 00:12:39,850 [Announcer] Also enjoy their rendition of Saturday morning cartoon theme songs. 217 00:12:39,921 --> 00:12:43,357 ♪ Scooby Dooby Doo where are you ♪ 218 00:12:43,424 --> 00:12:46,450 ♪ Reesie lookin' for you now ♪♪ 219 00:12:46,527 --> 00:12:49,860 Say, Reesie, where you suppose Scooby's at? 220 00:12:49,931 --> 00:12:54,300 I don't know, Cephie. Do you think he could be in Bedrock? 221 00:12:54,369 --> 00:12:56,337 - ♪♪ [Piano Intro] - Oh-oh. 222 00:12:56,404 --> 00:12:58,804 ♪ Flintstones Meet the Flintstones ♪ 223 00:12:58,873 --> 00:13:02,468 - ♪ Have a yabba dabba doo time ♪ - ♪ A Scooby Doo time ♪ 224 00:13:02,543 --> 00:13:05,637 - ♪ A toodly doo time ♪ - ♪ A toodly doo time ♪ 225 00:13:05,713 --> 00:13:08,375 - ♪ We makin' overtime ♪ - ♪ In daylight savin's time ♪ 226 00:13:08,449 --> 00:13:12,715 - ♪ We watchin' Good Times ♪ - ♪ We'll have a gay old ♪ 227 00:13:12,787 --> 00:13:17,156 - [Softly] ♪ Yabba dabba doo time ♪ - Get on down. 228 00:13:17,225 --> 00:13:19,853 - ♪ A Scooby Doo time ♪ - Here we go! 229 00:13:19,928 --> 00:13:22,362 ♪ A Dippity-do time A 2 Live Crew time ♪ 230 00:13:22,430 --> 00:13:24,364 ♪ We makin' overtime... ♪ 231 00:13:24,432 --> 00:13:27,060 [Announcer] Send 9.95 to Cephus and Reesie's Sing Tunes for Tots... 232 00:13:27,135 --> 00:13:31,629 care of: Mo Tell Records, P.O. Box ABC, Chitlin Switch, Mississippi, 90210. 233 00:13:31,706 --> 00:13:34,869 [Singing Gibberish] ♪ We'll have a gay old ♪ 234 00:13:34,943 --> 00:13:39,141 ♪ Time ♪♪ 235 00:13:40,415 --> 00:13:42,815 Oh. You all right, baby? 236 00:13:42,884 --> 00:13:46,547 ♪♪ [Hip-hop] 237 00:14:17,018 --> 00:14:19,248 [Woman's Voice Echoing, Indistinct] 238 00:14:21,756 --> 00:14:25,590 [Woman] It's time to ask the question: Why? 239 00:14:26,894 --> 00:14:28,885 Hello. I'm Chelsea Dream of Eyewitness News... 240 00:14:28,963 --> 00:14:31,898 bringing you a live report from the scene of a crime. 241 00:14:31,966 --> 00:14:34,434 Can anyone tell me what they know? 242 00:14:34,502 --> 00:14:36,527 I'm the investigating officer. I was the first one on the scene. 243 00:14:36,604 --> 00:14:39,539 I can tell you what we have assessed thus far. 244 00:14:39,607 --> 00:14:43,634 I'm an expert criminologist with a doctorate in psychology... 245 00:14:43,711 --> 00:14:45,975 and I can assess the situation here. 246 00:14:46,047 --> 00:14:48,607 Yeah, but check this. I seen the whole thing, right? 247 00:14:48,683 --> 00:14:51,083 I seen the whole thing. I can tell you what went down. 248 00:14:51,152 --> 00:14:52,881 Good. 249 00:14:52,954 --> 00:14:55,218 [Woman] Stop! 250 00:14:55,289 --> 00:14:58,417 Why do reporters always choose the most unintelligent... 251 00:14:58,493 --> 00:15:00,586 uninformed black eyewitness? 252 00:15:00,661 --> 00:15:02,993 Why? 253 00:15:03,064 --> 00:15:04,998 It was definitely some people that did it. 254 00:15:05,066 --> 00:15:07,398 I was just about to get busy with my lady. 255 00:15:07,468 --> 00:15:09,629 'Cause she was naked, and I was butt-naked. 256 00:15:09,704 --> 00:15:12,070 Then I heard someone... I heard somebody say... 257 00:15:12,140 --> 00:15:14,074 "Yo! Yo, bitch, get up off me," right? 258 00:15:14,142 --> 00:15:16,133 Then, peep this... Is this gonna be on the news? 259 00:15:16,210 --> 00:15:18,974 Hey, what's up? Denise, tell Mama to look at the news. 260 00:15:19,047 --> 00:15:20,981 Hi, Mama. 261 00:15:22,850 --> 00:15:24,943 [Woman] Why? 262 00:15:28,456 --> 00:15:30,447 [Bell Dings] 263 00:15:33,394 --> 00:15:35,385 Oh, hey. Mr. Mac, how you doin'? 264 00:15:35,463 --> 00:15:38,057 - Are you sure you know how to handle kids? - Oh, hey! 265 00:15:38,132 --> 00:15:41,226 You're talkin' to Al "Merry Christmas" Macafee here. 266 00:15:41,302 --> 00:15:43,930 You know, I teach the high school shop class. 267 00:15:44,005 --> 00:15:47,566 If I can keep those future convicts from goosin' each other with a damn nail gun... 268 00:15:47,642 --> 00:15:50,270 I can keep these little rug rats in line. 269 00:15:50,344 --> 00:15:52,608 - Good. Go to it. - Okay, here we go. 270 00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:56,548 ♪♪ [Bullhorn: "Deck the Halls," High-pitched Squeal] 271 00:15:56,617 --> 00:15:59,279 All right, kids! Ten-hut! 272 00:15:59,353 --> 00:16:03,084 You're at the North Pole, and Santa doesn't stand for any horseplay. 273 00:16:03,157 --> 00:16:06,149 So let's get our Christmas lists in order and step right up. 274 00:16:06,227 --> 00:16:09,162 Oh! And, oh, yeah, by the way, ho, ho, ho. 275 00:16:09,230 --> 00:16:11,994 - Hi, Santa. - Hi there, son. What you got in your mouth? 276 00:16:12,066 --> 00:16:15,058 - Gum. - Oh, did we bring enough for everybody? 277 00:16:15,136 --> 00:16:17,468 Then get rid of it. Come on, right here. 278 00:16:17,538 --> 00:16:20,507 Come on, son. Oh, wise guy, are you? 279 00:16:20,575 --> 00:16:23,703 Now, uh, what did you want Santa to bring you for Christmas? 280 00:16:23,778 --> 00:16:27,976 I want a dirt bike, Super Nintendo, a computer... 281 00:16:28,049 --> 00:16:30,040 A brand-new house too? Let me ask you something. 282 00:16:30,118 --> 00:16:33,349 - What does your father do for a living, son? - He's a janitor. 283 00:16:33,421 --> 00:16:37,585 I think, this year, Santa's gonna be bringing you a little dose of reality. 284 00:16:37,658 --> 00:16:40,752 How's a push broom and a pail full of dust? Now get out of here. 285 00:16:40,828 --> 00:16:43,296 Come on, come on. 286 00:16:43,364 --> 00:16:45,298 - [Grunting] - Ouch. 287 00:16:45,366 --> 00:16:48,824 - Santa, your lap's hurting me. - Yeah, sorry, kid. 288 00:16:48,903 --> 00:16:52,805 Santa caught some hot shrapnel when he was flyin' his magic sleigh... 289 00:16:52,874 --> 00:16:55,502 on a bombing run over Cambodia back in '72. 290 00:16:55,576 --> 00:16:58,044 This hip's made out of solid steel. 291 00:16:58,112 --> 00:17:01,809 [Male Computer Voice] You have activated our inventory control system. 292 00:17:01,883 --> 00:17:05,250 - Please step back and try again. - [Alarm Sounds] 293 00:17:05,319 --> 00:17:07,549 What are you trying to run off with there, son? 294 00:17:07,622 --> 00:17:10,090 Nothin'. A pair of shoes. Why? It ain't none of your business. 295 00:17:10,158 --> 00:17:12,649 Let's just say Santa is makin' it his business. 296 00:17:12,727 --> 00:17:15,992 - You got a receipt, wise guy? - Here. Right here. 297 00:17:18,065 --> 00:17:22,229 Okay, you got a receipt for that, but you got a receipt for this shirt you're wearin'? 298 00:17:22,303 --> 00:17:24,635 This shirt? This is mine. I wore it here. 299 00:17:24,705 --> 00:17:28,038 Oh, yeah. I think it's time you heard Santa's speech on shoplifting. 300 00:17:28,109 --> 00:17:30,634 No tickee, no shirtee! 301 00:17:30,711 --> 00:17:32,645 You ain't nothin' but a flatfoot maniac! 302 00:17:32,713 --> 00:17:34,806 Come at me, son. Come at me. Yeah, chicken. 303 00:17:34,882 --> 00:17:38,784 - That's what... Hey. Watch it. I'll kick your teeth in. - [Elevator Bell Dings] 304 00:17:41,722 --> 00:17:45,419 - Merry Christmas, Santa. - Oh. Merry Christmas, uh, to you. 305 00:17:45,493 --> 00:17:47,552 Looks like you don't have a chimney... 306 00:17:47,628 --> 00:17:49,892 so Santa's gonna have to use a doorbell. 307 00:17:49,964 --> 00:17:51,955 Ding dong! [Groans, Coughing] 308 00:17:52,033 --> 00:17:54,297 - Macafee! I knew it. - Oh, Ruthie... 309 00:17:54,368 --> 00:17:56,928 I mean, Miss Tompkins. At your service. 310 00:17:57,004 --> 00:17:59,336 - So, what you got in the bag there? - None of your busi... 311 00:17:59,407 --> 00:18:01,807 Oh, I got ya. [Laughing] 312 00:18:01,876 --> 00:18:03,810 Well, lookee here, lookee here. 313 00:18:03,878 --> 00:18:07,644 Looks like somebody's goin' to a little holiday orgy. 314 00:18:07,715 --> 00:18:11,173 Mind if old St. Mac tag along? 315 00:18:11,252 --> 00:18:13,652 It's a teddy, okay, somethin' you've never seen before. 316 00:18:13,721 --> 00:18:16,281 Oh, l-I can just see it now. 317 00:18:16,357 --> 00:18:18,348 - [Sniffing] Oh, yeah. - Oh, God. 318 00:18:18,426 --> 00:18:20,360 Oh, yeah. 319 00:18:20,428 --> 00:18:23,522 You're wearin' this flimsy little piece of nothin'... [Inhales] 320 00:18:23,598 --> 00:18:27,500 On that taut, tawny, chocolate-brown body of yours... 321 00:18:27,568 --> 00:18:33,507 "wreathing," wiggling, "Mac-Mac-Macafee!" Oh, yeah. 322 00:18:33,574 --> 00:18:37,704 So what do you say, babe? Santa wants to find out if you've been naughty or nice. 323 00:18:37,778 --> 00:18:40,542 - Hey! - Come on! [Groaning] 324 00:18:40,615 --> 00:18:44,642 I'd rather pass a flaming yule log. Idiot! 325 00:18:44,719 --> 00:18:47,950 I see you're still workin' out, Ruthie. Oh, she wants me. 326 00:18:48,022 --> 00:18:50,991 What is your problem, Kringle? You're supposed to be over here in Santa's Village. 327 00:18:51,058 --> 00:18:53,891 Look. The damn kids have done left. 328 00:18:53,961 --> 00:18:56,452 If this store's security was what it should be... 329 00:18:56,530 --> 00:18:58,657 Santa wouldn't have to leave his post. 330 00:18:58,733 --> 00:19:00,928 You know what? If you don't get back to your post... 331 00:19:01,002 --> 00:19:04,597 the next line you're gonna be in is the unemployment line. [Grunts] 332 00:19:04,672 --> 00:19:06,640 Weren't you a student of mine? 333 00:19:06,707 --> 00:19:09,198 I failed you, didn't I, boy? 334 00:19:09,277 --> 00:19:11,211 Santa? 335 00:19:11,279 --> 00:19:14,840 You may not be a very good Santa, but I love you. 336 00:19:14,915 --> 00:19:18,851 Aw, that's... [Sniffling] You know, I tell you... 337 00:19:18,919 --> 00:19:23,481 when you, uh, see the happiness on the face of little kiddies like this... 338 00:19:23,557 --> 00:19:25,684 it makes the whole gig worthwhile. 339 00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:28,490 - Come on, son. Merry Christmas. - [Elevator Bell Dings] 340 00:19:37,772 --> 00:19:41,572 Hi. I wanna say Feliz Navidad to my family in New York City. 341 00:19:41,642 --> 00:19:44,236 Merry Christmas and happy New Year to everyone. 342 00:19:44,312 --> 00:19:46,371 Merry Christmas, Mom and Dad, Grandma and Grandpa... 343 00:19:46,447 --> 00:19:49,348 family and friends... I love you. 344 00:19:49,417 --> 00:19:51,351 - Um... - [Whispering] Merry Christmas. 345 00:19:51,419 --> 00:19:53,887 Merry Christmas. 346 00:19:53,954 --> 00:19:56,422 Merry Christmas to all my family back in Jersey. 347 00:19:56,490 --> 00:19:59,584 And, hey, Redshaw School in New Brunswick, New Jersey. 348 00:19:59,660 --> 00:20:02,959 - And happy birthday, Jossie. She's a New Year's baby. - Thank you. 349 00:20:03,030 --> 00:20:05,225 And happy birthday to my sister. She's a Christmas baby. 350 00:20:05,299 --> 00:20:07,290 Jessica, I love you. 351 00:20:07,368 --> 00:20:10,269 Merry Christmas to my family and friends, Janet and Renee. 352 00:20:10,338 --> 00:20:12,636 And I want to wish a merry, merry, merry Christmas... 353 00:20:12,707 --> 00:20:15,107 to those who aren't as fortunate as we are. 354 00:20:15,176 --> 00:20:17,201 Merry Christmas and God bless. 355 00:20:17,278 --> 00:20:19,405 Hi, Grandma. 356 00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:22,449 I'd like to wish a merry Christmas to all the spineless little weaklings... 357 00:20:22,516 --> 00:20:25,485 I had to crush to get where I am today. 358 00:20:25,553 --> 00:20:28,249 Now we have a special Christmas gift for you. 359 00:20:28,322 --> 00:20:31,348 ♪♪ [Soul] 360 00:20:35,596 --> 00:20:37,530 ♪ Mm-hmm ♪ 361 00:20:37,598 --> 00:20:41,625 ♪ Hang all the mistletoe ♪ 362 00:20:41,702 --> 00:20:45,900 ♪ I'm gonna get to know you better ♪ 363 00:20:46,907 --> 00:20:48,898 ♪ This Christmas ♪ 364 00:20:48,976 --> 00:20:51,706 ♪ And as we trim the tree ♪ 365 00:20:51,779 --> 00:20:57,240 ♪ How much fun it's gonna be together ♪ 366 00:20:57,318 --> 00:20:59,479 ♪ This Christmas ♪ 367 00:20:59,553 --> 00:21:03,045 ♪ The fireside is blazin' bright ♪ 368 00:21:03,124 --> 00:21:06,287 ♪ Ooh, yeah, and we're caroling ♪ 369 00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:09,056 ♪ Through the night ♪ 370 00:21:09,130 --> 00:21:13,692 ♪ And this Christmas will be ♪ 371 00:21:13,768 --> 00:21:17,169 ♪ A very special Christmas ♪ 372 00:21:17,238 --> 00:21:19,365 ♪ For me ♪ 373 00:21:19,440 --> 00:21:21,772 ♪ Yeah, oh, yeah ♪ 374 00:21:21,842 --> 00:21:24,868 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, yeah ♪ 375 00:21:24,945 --> 00:21:29,177 ♪ Fly Girls, Fly Girls Fly Girls ♪ 376 00:21:31,118 --> 00:21:33,643 ♪ Presents and cards are here ♪ 377 00:21:33,721 --> 00:21:39,057 ♪ My world is filled with cheer and you ♪ 378 00:21:39,126 --> 00:21:44,086 ♪ This Christmas lights twinkle all around ♪ 379 00:21:44,165 --> 00:21:48,534 ♪ But your eyes outshine the stars this year ♪ 380 00:21:48,602 --> 00:21:52,060 ♪ Oh, hey, word up ♪ 381 00:21:52,139 --> 00:21:56,803 ♪ The fireside is blazin' bright ♪ 382 00:21:56,877 --> 00:22:00,335 ♪ We're caroling I'm rockin' your world tonight ♪ 383 00:22:00,414 --> 00:22:03,645 ♪ Oh, oh, oh And this Christmas ♪ 384 00:22:03,717 --> 00:22:05,981 ♪ We'll be here ♪ 385 00:22:06,053 --> 00:22:10,581 ♪ A very special Christmas from me... ♪ 386 00:22:10,658 --> 00:22:12,148 And this Christmas. 387 00:22:12,226 --> 00:22:16,526 ♪ And this Christmas you'll discover ♪ 388 00:22:16,597 --> 00:22:21,398 ♪ A very special Christmas from In Living Color♪ 389 00:22:21,469 --> 00:22:23,664 ♪ Merry Christmas, Grandma ♪ 390 00:22:23,737 --> 00:22:27,138 ♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪♪ Thank you. Good night. 391 00:22:31,412 --> 00:22:34,745 Whoo! Merry Christmas! 34040

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