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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,053 --> 00:00:03,077 - How you livin'? - What? 2 00:00:03,154 --> 00:00:04,143 - How you livin'? - What? 3 00:00:04,222 --> 00:00:06,713 - How you livin'? - ♪ In living color♪ 4 00:00:08,393 --> 00:00:12,693 - ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 5 00:00:12,764 --> 00:00:17,030 - ♪ Anything you want is up to you ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 6 00:00:17,101 --> 00:00:20,901 - ♪ You for me and me for you ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 7 00:00:20,972 --> 00:00:25,238 - ♪ You can be anything you wanna be ♪ - ♪ In living color♪ 8 00:00:25,310 --> 00:00:27,938 ♪ Let's take a trip and sip on a dream ♪ 9 00:00:28,012 --> 00:00:30,173 ♪ Glide with the guide on a funky scene ♪ 10 00:00:30,248 --> 00:00:32,716 ♪ Here comes another one of those funky, funny mo'money shows ♪ 11 00:00:32,784 --> 00:00:34,308 ♪ A cast for laughs and talented roles ♪ 12 00:00:34,385 --> 00:00:36,512 ♪ And sisters with twisters for you been lookin', listener♪ 13 00:00:36,587 --> 00:00:38,555 ♪ It seems you don't believe so you can believe what I convince ya ♪ 14 00:00:38,623 --> 00:00:40,648 ♪ Some booty to your short and thought We'll make it snappy ♪ 15 00:00:40,725 --> 00:00:42,818 ♪ With jokes and pokes at folks to keep you happy ♪ 16 00:00:42,894 --> 00:00:44,828 ♪ No need to hold your remote control ♪ 17 00:00:44,896 --> 00:00:46,887 ♪ Chill This show's got soul ♪ 18 00:00:46,964 --> 00:00:48,989 ♪ All aboard, all aboard The train never troubles ♪ 19 00:00:49,067 --> 00:00:50,432 ♪ You'd better snuggle up couple up ♪ 20 00:00:50,501 --> 00:00:52,196 - ♪ On the double-dub-double ♪ - ♪ Yeah ♪ 21 00:00:52,270 --> 00:00:55,501 ♪ It's hard to believe but some of the best things in life are free ♪ 22 00:00:55,573 --> 00:00:57,598 ♪ So, fellas, grab your girl Tell her that you love her♪ 23 00:00:57,675 --> 00:01:00,041 ♪ 'Cause that's the way you're livin' when you're livin'in living color♪ 24 00:01:00,111 --> 00:01:04,241 ♪ Go, go, go, go go, go, go, go ♪ 25 00:01:04,315 --> 00:01:09,343 ♪ Go, go, go, go go, go, go, go ♪ 26 00:01:09,420 --> 00:01:13,618 ♪ Go, go, go, go go, go, go, go ♪ 27 00:01:13,691 --> 00:01:15,283 ♪ Go, go, go ♪ 28 00:01:15,360 --> 00:01:17,590 ♪ Go, go, go, go ♪♪ 29 00:01:21,132 --> 00:01:25,660 [Coughing] Well, Paul, it looks like it's almost time to be moving on. 30 00:01:25,737 --> 00:01:27,705 No, Pappy. Don't leave me, Pappy. 31 00:01:27,939 --> 00:01:31,534 Yes'm, I'm on my way to that big cotton field in the sky. 32 00:01:31,609 --> 00:01:34,942 You can't leave me, Pappy. I's too dumb to make it. 33 00:01:35,012 --> 00:01:37,412 - I can't. I'm just a dumb ol' slave. - Hush up! 34 00:01:37,482 --> 00:01:39,950 - Yes, sir. - You's ain't no slave, boy. 35 00:01:40,017 --> 00:01:42,144 - No. - We's runaways. 36 00:01:42,220 --> 00:01:45,815 - I run away from that plantation 123 years ago. - Yes, sir. 37 00:01:45,890 --> 00:01:49,291 And I done raised three generations of children here in this cave. 38 00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:51,624 Now you gots to go. You're the last of the Timbuks. 39 00:01:51,696 --> 00:01:53,630 I can't make it out there, Pappy. 40 00:01:53,698 --> 00:01:54,960 - You gots to. - I can't. 41 00:01:55,032 --> 00:01:56,192 - You gots to. - I can't. 42 00:01:56,267 --> 00:01:58,360 - I'll put my foot in your ass. - Okay, I'll try. 43 00:01:58,436 --> 00:02:01,599 All right. Well, now you gots to head up north... 44 00:02:01,672 --> 00:02:03,833 - Yes'm. - And find the Underground Railroad. 45 00:02:03,908 --> 00:02:07,105 - Yes'm. - Gots to find Harriet Tubman. 46 00:02:07,178 --> 00:02:10,045 - Harriet Tubman. - Look like Cicely Tyson. 47 00:02:10,114 --> 00:02:12,514 - I thought that was Jane Pittman? - No, that's Esther Rolle. 48 00:02:12,583 --> 00:02:14,983 I want you to do one other thing for me, boy. 49 00:02:15,052 --> 00:02:18,078 - What is it, Pappy? What, Pappy? - Take care of my good jacket. 50 00:02:18,156 --> 00:02:20,989 - Oh, yes, sir. - [Groans] 51 00:02:21,058 --> 00:02:23,549 Pappy! Pappy. [Breathing Heavily] 52 00:02:23,628 --> 00:02:26,620 Oh, Pappy! 53 00:02:26,697 --> 00:02:28,995 He'd wants me to have this. 54 00:02:29,066 --> 00:02:32,797 [Groaning, Grunts] 55 00:02:32,870 --> 00:02:36,397 Well, it looks like I'm on my own now. 56 00:02:36,474 --> 00:02:40,911 I gots to find my freedom and get outta here before this body starts stinkin'. 57 00:02:42,947 --> 00:02:48,408 Before I be a slave, I be buried in the grave. 58 00:02:48,486 --> 00:02:52,980 Or I be the hardest working man in the cotton field. 59 00:03:00,398 --> 00:03:03,731 Psst. Psst. You headin' north? 60 00:03:03,801 --> 00:03:06,998 Uh, no, man. I believe this is southeast. 61 00:03:07,071 --> 00:03:09,096 Well, how far behind you is they? 62 00:03:09,173 --> 00:03:12,404 - Who? - The dogs. I don't hear the dogs. 63 00:03:12,477 --> 00:03:16,140 Man, what dogs, man? Is there something I can help you with? 64 00:03:16,214 --> 00:03:18,705 'Cause I'm on my way home, and, man, I am whipped. 65 00:03:18,783 --> 00:03:21,445 Oh, Lord, how many lashes they give ya? 66 00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:24,745 Uh, no, man, I mean I'm beat. 67 00:03:24,822 --> 00:03:27,450 Well, at least you still got your foot. 68 00:03:27,525 --> 00:03:32,292 Man, look, what is it that you want, man? I don't have any time for this. 69 00:03:32,363 --> 00:03:34,923 You must be one of those house niggas. 70 00:03:34,999 --> 00:03:37,797 - Look, I'm just looking for my freedom. - Freedom? 71 00:03:37,869 --> 00:03:40,064 - Yes, sir. - Well, where the hell have you been, in a cave? 72 00:03:40,137 --> 00:03:42,105 Yes, sir, right back yonder. 73 00:03:42,173 --> 00:03:44,266 Oh, man, look. You must be from the South, man. 74 00:03:44,342 --> 00:03:46,276 - Brothers up here don't act like that. - No? 75 00:03:46,344 --> 00:03:48,312 Excuse me? 76 00:03:48,379 --> 00:03:50,313 Well, move it. You're blocking the way. 77 00:03:50,381 --> 00:03:53,316 I's sorry, sir. We just mosey out your way. 78 00:03:53,384 --> 00:03:55,545 Man, what the hell is the matter with you? 79 00:03:55,620 --> 00:03:58,555 I'm trying to jog, and you're blocking my way. 80 00:03:58,623 --> 00:04:00,750 Yeah, well, next time, you know, run around, jackass. 81 00:04:00,825 --> 00:04:02,759 - What? - [Breathing Heavily] 82 00:04:02,827 --> 00:04:04,761 Is you crazy, man? 83 00:04:04,829 --> 00:04:08,492 Is you crazy? You don't be talking to no white man like that. 84 00:04:08,566 --> 00:04:12,195 He don't... They wanna be right even when they wrong. We's sorry, sir. 85 00:04:12,270 --> 00:04:14,329 Very sorry, sir. Didn't mean to hurt ya. 86 00:04:14,405 --> 00:04:19,001 Sorry. He must got one of them, that colored fever goin' round. 87 00:04:19,076 --> 00:04:22,603 The boy is not feeling too well. Accept our apologies, please, sir. 88 00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:24,170 - I'll accept yours. - Thank you. 89 00:04:24,248 --> 00:04:27,115 But I don't like your friend's attitude. 90 00:04:27,184 --> 00:04:29,209 You better change your attitude. 91 00:04:29,287 --> 00:04:31,847 - Man, why did you do that? - What you talkin' about? 92 00:04:31,923 --> 00:04:33,914 Didn't your pappy teach you nothin' about survival? 93 00:04:33,991 --> 00:04:35,925 You don't talk to the white man like that. 94 00:04:35,993 --> 00:04:38,587 Them people wanna be right even when they's wrong. 95 00:04:38,663 --> 00:04:41,223 - [Dog Barking] - [Yells] 96 00:04:41,299 --> 00:04:43,233 You see what you did? 97 00:04:43,301 --> 00:04:46,429 You done put the dogs on us. 98 00:04:49,674 --> 00:04:54,134 Oh, them dogs a lot smaller than Pappy said they was. 99 00:04:54,211 --> 00:04:56,702 - Man, it's 1991. - [Indistinct] 100 00:04:56,781 --> 00:05:00,410 - What did you say? - I said stop eyeballin' that white woman. 101 00:05:08,359 --> 00:05:13,058 - With your fancy clothes on. - Man, you can have that if you so desire, brother. 102 00:05:14,799 --> 00:05:16,858 This is 1991, man. 103 00:05:16,934 --> 00:05:19,027 All that handkerchief head stuff don't play up here. 104 00:05:19,103 --> 00:05:22,436 This is America. We are free. We can do what we want. 105 00:05:22,506 --> 00:05:24,440 There he is, Officer. That's the one. 106 00:05:24,508 --> 00:05:26,442 You done brought the slave catchers on us. 107 00:05:26,510 --> 00:05:29,604 - Well, feets, don't fail me now. - Be cool. Be cool, man. 108 00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:32,877 We haven't done anything wrong. Officer, I'm glad you're here. See, because... 109 00:05:32,950 --> 00:05:35,612 All right, face down on the ground. Put your hands behind your back. 110 00:05:35,686 --> 00:05:37,620 - Yes, sir! Yes, sir! - Wait a minute! 111 00:05:37,688 --> 00:05:40,282 I said get down on your knees and get your hands behind your back! 112 00:05:40,358 --> 00:05:43,350 I's down, sir. If I go any further, I'll be in China. 113 00:05:43,427 --> 00:05:45,361 [Officer] You have... 114 00:05:45,429 --> 00:05:48,921 - You have the right to remain silent. - Man, this is outrageous. 115 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:51,594 We didn't mean no harm, Mr. Slave Master, sir. 116 00:05:51,669 --> 00:05:53,967 - You better shut up. - Yes, sir. 117 00:05:54,038 --> 00:05:56,233 Please don't beat me. Don't beat me. 118 00:05:56,307 --> 00:05:58,867 L-I tried to warn him, but he wouldn't listen. 119 00:05:58,943 --> 00:06:01,639 Hush up. I'm not talking to you. You're free to go. 120 00:06:01,712 --> 00:06:03,805 - I's free? - Yeah, keep moving. 121 00:06:03,881 --> 00:06:06,941 Wait a minute now. I think he's in a singing group or something, man. 122 00:06:07,018 --> 00:06:10,954 Yes, sir. I keep moving. That's a good idea. 123 00:06:11,022 --> 00:06:13,149 Freedom don't seem to last too long around here. 124 00:06:19,196 --> 00:06:22,029 ♪♪ [Funk] 125 00:06:27,772 --> 00:06:30,707 ♪♪ [Man Raps] 126 00:06:59,770 --> 00:07:04,264 [Man Speaking] 127 00:07:06,977 --> 00:07:09,673 Good evening, and... welcome. 128 00:07:09,747 --> 00:07:12,580 Tonight's story begins on the night ofJuly 22... 129 00:07:12,650 --> 00:07:14,675 stardate 1990. 130 00:07:14,752 --> 00:07:17,243 Henry Turner of Compton, California... 131 00:07:17,321 --> 00:07:19,482 was robbed in his own home... 132 00:07:19,557 --> 00:07:21,548 and severely beaten. 133 00:07:21,625 --> 00:07:25,823 At 9:17 p.m., a call came in to the rescue center. 134 00:07:25,896 --> 00:07:28,956 - Hello. 911. - Help me, please. 135 00:07:29,033 --> 00:07:31,001 I'm hurt very badly. 136 00:07:31,068 --> 00:07:33,901 They done gone upside my head. I'm bleeding like a stuck pig! 137 00:07:33,971 --> 00:07:37,031 Well, calm down, sir. I need you to tell me where you live. 138 00:07:37,108 --> 00:07:41,135 I live at 655121 st Street in Compton. 139 00:07:41,212 --> 00:07:43,544 Sir, we don't have a rescue unit available right now... 140 00:07:43,614 --> 00:07:45,946 but as soon as one is, we'll send it over right away. 141 00:07:46,016 --> 00:07:47,950 What the hell? 142 00:07:48,018 --> 00:07:51,818 Unfortunately, Mr. Turner could not be helped immediately. 143 00:07:51,889 --> 00:07:55,518 Two minutes later, at 9:19 p.m., a second call came in from a different part of town. 144 00:07:55,593 --> 00:07:57,527 Put it on screen. 145 00:07:57,595 --> 00:07:59,995 Hello. 911. 146 00:08:00,064 --> 00:08:02,555 Please help me. Fluffy is trapped in a tree! 147 00:08:02,633 --> 00:08:05,602 Try to calm down, sir. I need you to tell me where you live. 148 00:08:05,669 --> 00:08:08,069 I live at 31 Braymer Place in Beverly Hills. 149 00:08:08,139 --> 00:08:12,439 - Okay, just relax, sir. A rescue unit is on its way. - [Siren Wailing] 150 00:08:12,510 --> 00:08:14,740 Oh, God bless you. They're here! 151 00:08:14,812 --> 00:08:18,145 Don't worry, Fluffy. Daddy's coming to save you! 152 00:08:18,215 --> 00:08:20,979 At almost warp speed... 153 00:08:21,051 --> 00:08:23,884 a rescue unit was on the scene to save cute, little Fluffy... 154 00:08:23,954 --> 00:08:25,888 from possible disaster. 155 00:08:25,956 --> 00:08:28,618 A little over an hour later, a third call came in. 156 00:08:28,692 --> 00:08:30,626 Hello. 911. 157 00:08:30,694 --> 00:08:34,255 Where the h-hell are y'all? I called over an hour ago. 158 00:08:34,331 --> 00:08:36,265 Sir, calm down. 159 00:08:36,333 --> 00:08:39,666 I told you we will have a rescue unit there as soon as possible. 160 00:08:39,737 --> 00:08:42,228 What? Well, what the hell am I supposed to do? 161 00:08:42,306 --> 00:08:45,139 They done whupped my natural behind, and they looting and pillaging! 162 00:08:45,209 --> 00:08:48,042 [Scoffs] Sir, do you have any home insurance? 163 00:08:48,112 --> 00:08:50,876 Home insur... Oh, they did it now. 164 00:08:50,948 --> 00:08:53,212 They done stole my Al Green records. 165 00:08:53,284 --> 00:08:55,946 [Shatner] Forty-five minutes later, still another call. 166 00:08:56,020 --> 00:09:00,320 - Hello. 911. - There's a suspicious-looking man in our neighborhood. 167 00:09:00,391 --> 00:09:02,484 He's coming towards my door. 168 00:09:02,560 --> 00:09:04,790 Help me! Help. 169 00:09:04,862 --> 00:09:08,423 - Are you white? - Yes! And Republican. 170 00:09:08,499 --> 00:09:11,263 Don't worry, ma'am. A unit is on its way. 171 00:09:11,335 --> 00:09:14,429 [Shatner] Miraculously, the criminal was apprehended and taken away. 172 00:09:14,505 --> 00:09:18,168 Hey, let me go, man! I'm the one that called you in the first place! 173 00:09:18,242 --> 00:09:20,733 I crawled over 'cause I knew you'd come to this neighborhood. 174 00:09:20,811 --> 00:09:24,406 Man, they stole my Al Green records! I ain't no Rodney King. 175 00:09:24,481 --> 00:09:29,043 The suspect seemed to be suffering from delusions and was taken to sick bay. 176 00:09:29,119 --> 00:09:31,178 Bones, how's the prisoner? 177 00:09:31,255 --> 00:09:34,918 I think he'll be all right, Jim, but I won't know anything definite for a couple of hours. 178 00:09:34,992 --> 00:09:38,189 I haven't got a couple ofhours! 179 00:09:40,865 --> 00:09:44,323 Sorry. That concludes tonight's show. 180 00:09:44,401 --> 00:09:47,063 Remember, the rescue unit is always there to serve you... 181 00:09:47,137 --> 00:09:50,573 as long as you live in the right neighborhood. 182 00:09:50,641 --> 00:09:52,575 Good night. 183 00:09:52,643 --> 00:09:55,077 Scotty, one to beam up. 184 00:09:57,514 --> 00:10:01,109 [Announcer]Join us next time for another Rescue Whenever. 185 00:10:03,566 --> 00:10:07,002 - [Woman] Where you going, baby? - I'll be back in a minute. 186 00:10:07,069 --> 00:10:09,060 Well, hurry up. 187 00:10:09,138 --> 00:10:13,404 [Woman] Where you goin'? I was so close. 188 00:10:13,476 --> 00:10:16,240 Don't worry, baby. Keep the sheets warm. 189 00:10:16,312 --> 00:10:19,804 - Did you get some? - Yeah, I got some... lockjaw. 190 00:10:19,882 --> 00:10:23,045 I hear that. Wait a minute. Damn, man! I gotta get home. 191 00:10:23,119 --> 00:10:25,314 - My wife's gonna kill me. - Would you relax? 192 00:10:25,388 --> 00:10:28,186 I'm trying. Oh, man! I left my wedding ring in there too! 193 00:10:28,257 --> 00:10:31,021 I am telling you to chill. I know just the place. 194 00:10:31,093 --> 00:10:34,324 They will take care of you. Man, I've been going there for years. 195 00:10:34,397 --> 00:10:36,831 - Ha-ha! - Where are we? 196 00:10:36,899 --> 00:10:38,890 Man, this is called the One Night Stand. 197 00:10:38,968 --> 00:10:41,459 - You mean everybody in here... - That is right. 198 00:10:41,537 --> 00:10:44,028 All these guys cheated on their wives and girlfriends. 199 00:10:44,106 --> 00:10:46,700 See, this is a place where we come to cover our tracks. 200 00:10:46,776 --> 00:10:48,767 Come on. I'll show you around. Yo, Murray! 201 00:10:48,844 --> 00:10:51,438 - I want you to meet my man here Greg. - How are you cats? 202 00:10:51,514 --> 00:10:55,006 Chasing the birds again? All right. New here, huh? 203 00:10:55,084 --> 00:10:58,144 Yeah. Look, I lost my wedding ring, and I am panicking. 204 00:10:58,221 --> 00:11:01,918 All right. We got 14, 18 and 24 karats. 205 00:11:01,991 --> 00:11:03,856 Uh, well, mine was gold-plated. 206 00:11:03,926 --> 00:11:06,087 Let me guess... Home Shopping Club. 207 00:11:06,162 --> 00:11:09,495 - You're right. - Don't worry about it. We got tons of those. 208 00:11:09,565 --> 00:11:12,557 Hey! Hey, this is a perfect match! 209 00:11:12,635 --> 00:11:15,331 Now, did you forget anything else? 210 00:11:15,404 --> 00:11:17,895 Well, actually I did. I forgot my, um... 211 00:11:17,974 --> 00:11:20,033 - Boxers or briefs? - Briefs. 212 00:11:20,109 --> 00:11:22,703 - Lightly stained? - Yeah. 213 00:11:25,214 --> 00:11:28,706 Hey, man. This is great! But I still don't have an excuse. 214 00:11:28,784 --> 00:11:31,014 Check it out. Murray, kick it. 215 00:11:31,087 --> 00:11:33,419 - The usual, Bob? - You got it. 216 00:11:35,691 --> 00:11:39,593 - [Tape: Beeping] - Hey, Maggie? Yeah, I'm still in surgery. 217 00:11:39,662 --> 00:11:41,960 - Doctor, she's hemorrhaging! - Suture! 218 00:11:42,031 --> 00:11:45,728 Damn it, honey. I gotta go save a life. Kiss the kids for me. 219 00:11:45,801 --> 00:11:49,293 Hey, that's great, but what about me? 220 00:11:49,372 --> 00:11:52,899 - Okay, let me guess. She's a crier, right? - Yeah. 221 00:11:52,975 --> 00:11:56,103 All right. Flowers should take care of that. 222 00:11:56,178 --> 00:11:58,112 Gets sentimental sometimes? 223 00:11:58,180 --> 00:12:02,617 Well, I'm really embarrassed to say this, but she's into baby talk pretty deep. 224 00:12:02,685 --> 00:12:06,849 Then we're gonna need the big guns on this one. Please don't be mad. 225 00:12:06,922 --> 00:12:09,413 This place thinks of everything! I guess now I can go home. 226 00:12:09,492 --> 00:12:12,586 - Wait a minute. Did you wear protection? - No, actually. 227 00:12:12,662 --> 00:12:15,961 Come on, man. Hey, Doc! You got a minute? 228 00:12:16,032 --> 00:12:19,160 Oh, sure, Bob, sure. Got your test results back. 229 00:12:19,235 --> 00:12:21,396 You're super-clean, my brother. 230 00:12:21,470 --> 00:12:23,836 Here, and I got some ointment for you. 231 00:12:23,906 --> 00:12:26,397 - This will take care of that little itch. - Thanks, Doc. 232 00:12:26,475 --> 00:12:28,966 See, Doc Willoughby here runs the health clinic. 233 00:12:29,045 --> 00:12:31,775 He can cure you of any social disease imaginable. 234 00:12:31,847 --> 00:12:35,248 And he's had almost all of them. 235 00:12:35,318 --> 00:12:37,786 - Whoo! - Man, you guys have thought of everything. 236 00:12:37,853 --> 00:12:40,014 It is a rough world out there. 237 00:12:40,089 --> 00:12:42,319 - Brothers gotta stick together. - I hear you. 238 00:12:42,391 --> 00:12:44,552 Phase one alert. 239 00:12:44,627 --> 00:12:46,686 My wife hired a private detective. 240 00:12:46,762 --> 00:12:48,889 They got pictures, hard evidence, you name it. 241 00:12:48,964 --> 00:12:51,694 Get the lawyers. Set up a dummy corporation. 242 00:12:51,767 --> 00:12:54,361 We gotta hide this man's assets but quick. 243 00:12:54,437 --> 00:12:57,201 - What's the name of your ex-wife-to-be? - Uh, Robin Givens. 244 00:12:57,273 --> 00:13:01,710 I'm calling Witness Relocation. Doc, this man needs a new face. 245 00:13:01,777 --> 00:13:03,768 No problem. I can rebuild that. 246 00:13:03,846 --> 00:13:08,078 The next time I decide to hit it and quit it, I'm coming to the One Night Stand. 247 00:13:08,150 --> 00:13:10,846 - Look here, let me borrow your membership. - Oh, no, my brother. 248 00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:12,979 You got to get your own. 249 00:13:13,055 --> 00:13:15,546 - Do the heartless hang out here? - [Laughing] 250 00:13:19,061 --> 00:13:21,427 ♪♪ [Dance] 251 00:13:59,835 --> 00:14:02,827 - Get rid of the loot. - Are you crazy? That's half a million dollars in here! 252 00:14:02,905 --> 00:14:06,341 It's evidence, man! Get rid of it. 253 00:14:06,409 --> 00:14:08,900 - Come on. - [Distant Sirens Wailing] 254 00:14:12,982 --> 00:14:17,009 Hey, what the hell hit me in my head? 255 00:14:21,190 --> 00:14:24,091 Oh, wow. Look at all this money. 256 00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:27,152 Damn, I feel like Donald Trump... 257 00:14:27,229 --> 00:14:31,859 except I'm standing in a Dumpster and I smell real bad. 258 00:14:31,934 --> 00:14:34,232 [Cackling] 259 00:14:34,303 --> 00:14:38,034 I'm rich! I'm rich! Yee-ha! 260 00:14:47,950 --> 00:14:51,511 [Whimpering] 261 00:14:54,924 --> 00:15:00,260 Hip-hip and Cheerios and all that Rice Krispies, my dearJenkins. 262 00:15:00,329 --> 00:15:02,456 Good morning, sir. 263 00:15:02,531 --> 00:15:04,465 Good morning, sir. 264 00:15:04,533 --> 00:15:07,696 Uh, your clothes have arrived from the dry cleaners. 265 00:15:07,770 --> 00:15:11,536 Oh, great. What about that dirty, sweaty urine smell? 266 00:15:11,607 --> 00:15:14,599 They added it, sir, just as you asked. 267 00:15:14,677 --> 00:15:16,645 Perfect. 268 00:15:16,712 --> 00:15:19,374 - Now that I'm rich, you know... - [Flies Buzzing] 269 00:15:19,448 --> 00:15:21,746 These flies just ain't flies anymore. 270 00:15:21,817 --> 00:15:23,751 They're dependants. 271 00:15:23,819 --> 00:15:27,220 Ha! 'Cept that one. 272 00:15:28,591 --> 00:15:31,219 Say, Jenkins, you get my wheels out of the shop? 273 00:15:31,293 --> 00:15:33,761 Yes, sir. 274 00:15:36,565 --> 00:15:39,966 Very good. All right. They got my cart phone in here. 275 00:15:40,035 --> 00:15:43,471 I'd better get my broker on the line. 276 00:15:43,539 --> 00:15:46,235 [Doorbell Rings] 277 00:15:49,011 --> 00:15:51,536 We're here to see a Mr. Anton Jackson. 278 00:15:51,614 --> 00:15:53,775 This way, please. 279 00:15:53,849 --> 00:15:55,783 Hey, listen, bitch! 280 00:15:55,851 --> 00:15:58,911 I said I want a hundred shares of ripple! 281 00:16:00,422 --> 00:16:04,882 I know it's goin' down, but believe me, I know my ripple. 282 00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:07,394 It'll be comin' up real soon. 283 00:16:08,964 --> 00:16:10,898 Uh, Mr. Jackson... 284 00:16:10,966 --> 00:16:13,434 you've recently come into a lot of money... 285 00:16:13,502 --> 00:16:15,732 and you haven't paid any taxes. 286 00:16:15,804 --> 00:16:18,136 We're here to examine your assets. 287 00:16:18,207 --> 00:16:22,007 Oh, all right. Well, you can look at my asset... 288 00:16:22,077 --> 00:16:25,240 but he gonna have to turn his head. 289 00:16:25,314 --> 00:16:28,909 - [Clears Throat] - Anyway, never mind that. 290 00:16:28,984 --> 00:16:31,475 What it that over there? 291 00:16:31,554 --> 00:16:34,887 Oh, I'll show you. Shall we? 292 00:16:36,425 --> 00:16:38,916 This here is my art collection. 293 00:16:42,231 --> 00:16:44,722 And, uh, how much did you pay for that? 294 00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:47,860 - That cost me $20,000. - $20,000? 295 00:16:47,937 --> 00:16:52,567 $20,000. It's a scratch-and-sniff, see? 296 00:16:53,876 --> 00:16:56,367 Whoa, that smell like me. 297 00:16:57,880 --> 00:16:59,814 Never mind about that. 298 00:16:59,882 --> 00:17:04,581 Now, this... is that... is that a butterfly collection? 299 00:17:04,653 --> 00:17:07,747 Oh, this. No, this is my booger collection. 300 00:17:07,823 --> 00:17:09,916 Oh, man. 301 00:17:09,992 --> 00:17:12,756 I got this one in '68 during the march. 302 00:17:12,828 --> 00:17:15,058 I was very political back then. 303 00:17:15,130 --> 00:17:17,826 - This I took off this little kid's nose. - Excuse me! 304 00:17:17,900 --> 00:17:21,836 - Oh, I thought that was me! - [Gasps] 305 00:17:23,372 --> 00:17:27,399 You know, that ain't too ladylike, you know. 306 00:17:27,476 --> 00:17:29,410 Do you wanna get married, doll? 307 00:17:29,478 --> 00:17:31,446 Getting back to your audit... 308 00:17:31,513 --> 00:17:36,382 our calculations show that there is still $70 unaccounted for. 309 00:17:36,452 --> 00:17:39,387 Well, I gave 50 to Charity. 310 00:17:39,455 --> 00:17:42,185 - Which charity? - Charity Winslow. 311 00:17:42,257 --> 00:17:46,193 She work the corner of 125th and 7 th Avenue. 312 00:17:46,261 --> 00:17:48,991 And Clarence wiped the other 20. 313 00:17:49,064 --> 00:17:51,123 You mean he stole it. 314 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:55,534 No, he ran out of toilet paper. He wiped it. 315 00:17:55,604 --> 00:17:58,072 - I still got it, if you want... - No, no, no. 316 00:17:58,140 --> 00:18:02,474 That's okay. Anyway, you owe the I.R.S. $387,000. 317 00:18:02,544 --> 00:18:05,570 It looks like we're gonna have to seize everything you own. 318 00:18:05,648 --> 00:18:09,345 No, no, no. I ain't going out like Redd Foxx. 319 00:18:09,418 --> 00:18:13,878 I happen to know that according to Article 4-25... 320 00:18:13,956 --> 00:18:16,550 of the United States tax code... 321 00:18:16,625 --> 00:18:19,560 an individual is entitled... 322 00:18:19,628 --> 00:18:22,563 to 4.5 percent... 323 00:18:22,631 --> 00:18:24,895 of his lifetime income... 324 00:18:24,967 --> 00:18:27,936 which is compounded by the interest earned... 325 00:18:28,003 --> 00:18:30,801 over the same period of time. 326 00:18:33,275 --> 00:18:35,266 And how did you know that? 327 00:18:35,344 --> 00:18:39,576 Well, I slept behind H&R Block for about two years. 328 00:18:40,816 --> 00:18:43,944 That's reason 22... my back hurt. 329 00:18:44,019 --> 00:18:48,285 - [Laughing] - Okay, we'll let you keep the, uh, portrait. 330 00:18:48,357 --> 00:18:52,589 But I'll take that gold belt and all of your other hard assets. 331 00:18:52,661 --> 00:18:55,152 You don't want my hard asset. 332 00:18:55,230 --> 00:18:57,357 - [Laughs] - [Clearing Throat] 333 00:18:57,433 --> 00:19:00,197 Okay. I guess you do. 334 00:19:02,071 --> 00:19:04,403 - Oh, man! - [Gasps] 335 00:19:04,473 --> 00:19:08,307 I tell you what... you can have my liquid asset too. 336 00:19:08,377 --> 00:19:10,436 Hey, look, man. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! 337 00:19:10,512 --> 00:19:14,608 - We're not heartless, man. You can have that. - And leave. 338 00:19:14,683 --> 00:19:17,083 - Go. - Leave. 339 00:19:17,152 --> 00:19:18,619 - Away. - Go. 340 00:19:20,389 --> 00:19:24,086 Thanks for watching the show tonight, and I guess it's... good night! 341 00:19:24,159 --> 00:19:26,093 See ya! 342 00:19:26,161 --> 00:19:28,288 ♪♪ [Hip-hop] 28819

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