Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,324 --> 00:00:05,986
♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪
2
00:00:07,061 --> 00:00:09,188
♪ In living color♪
3
00:00:09,263 --> 00:00:11,823
- ♪ In living color♪- ♪ You know what I'm sayin'♪
4
00:00:11,899 --> 00:00:15,130
♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪
5
00:00:15,202 --> 00:00:19,195
- ♪ In living color♪- ♪ In living color♪
6
00:00:19,273 --> 00:00:21,468
♪ You can walk on the moonFloat like a balloon ♪
7
00:00:21,542 --> 00:00:24,010
♪ You see, it's never too lateand it's never too soon ♪
8
00:00:24,078 --> 00:00:27,639
- ♪ Take it from me It's a'ight to be ♪- ♪ In living color♪
9
00:00:27,715 --> 00:00:30,809
♪ And how would you feel knowingprejudice was obsolete ♪
10
00:00:30,885 --> 00:00:33,012
♪ And all mankind dancedto the exact beat ♪
11
00:00:33,087 --> 00:00:35,885
- ♪ And at night it was safeto walk down the street ♪
- ♪ In living color♪
12
00:00:35,957 --> 00:00:39,051
♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪
13
00:00:39,126 --> 00:00:41,117
♪ In living color♪
14
00:00:42,496 --> 00:00:44,430
♪ In living color♪
15
00:00:44,498 --> 00:00:47,160
♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪
16
00:00:47,234 --> 00:00:52,399
- ♪ In living color♪- ♪ In living color♪
17
00:00:52,473 --> 00:00:54,668
♪ Everybody hereis equally kind ♪
18
00:00:54,742 --> 00:00:57,176
♪ Everybody hereis equally kind ♪
19
00:00:57,244 --> 00:00:59,178
♪ Everybody, everybodyeverybody, everybody ♪
20
00:00:59,246 --> 00:01:02,977
- ♪ Everybody here is equally kind ♪- ♪ In living color♪
21
00:01:03,050 --> 00:01:05,348
♪ What's mine is yoursand what's yours is mine ♪
22
00:01:05,419 --> 00:01:07,580
♪ In living c-c-c-olor♪
23
00:01:08,990 --> 00:01:14,018
♪ You can do what you wanna doin living color♪
24
00:01:15,463 --> 00:01:17,488
- ♪ In living color♪- ♪ You know what I'm sayin'♪
25
00:01:17,565 --> 00:01:19,499
♪ You can walk on the moonFloat like a balloon ♪
26
00:01:19,567 --> 00:01:21,797
♪ You see, it's never too lateand it's never too soon ♪
27
00:01:21,869 --> 00:01:25,396
- ♪ Take it from me It's a'ight to be ♪- ♪ In living color♪
28
00:01:25,473 --> 00:01:30,934
♪ You can do what you wanna doin living color♪♪
29
00:01:31,012 --> 00:01:33,810
[Audience Applauding,Cheering]
30
00:01:33,881 --> 00:01:36,850
Ladies and gentlemen,
Keenen Ivory Wayans.
31
00:01:36,917 --> 00:01:40,045
[Cheering, Applause Continues]
32
00:01:43,557 --> 00:01:45,991
My new look. Huh?
33
00:01:46,060 --> 00:01:48,494
A little something.
A little something, new jacket there.
34
00:01:48,562 --> 00:01:51,156
How's everybody doing?
Good to have you all here.
35
00:01:51,232 --> 00:01:53,496
- [Applause, Cheering]
- Thank you.
36
00:01:53,567 --> 00:01:57,503
You know the rules.
You sit back, you laugh, we do the rest.
37
00:01:57,571 --> 00:02:00,335
We'll be back in a minute.
Shawn, get it going.
38
00:02:00,408 --> 00:02:06,108
- ♪♪ [Hip Hop]
- ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪
39
00:02:06,180 --> 00:02:08,341
♪ In living color♪
40
00:02:08,416 --> 00:02:10,646
♪ In living color♪
41
00:02:10,718 --> 00:02:12,652
♪ You can walk on the moonFloat like a balloon ♪
42
00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:15,689
♪ You see, it's never too lateand it's never too soon ♪
43
00:02:15,756 --> 00:02:17,781
[Imitating Sugar Ray Leonard]
All these guys are bums.
44
00:02:17,858 --> 00:02:20,122
He'll wanna feel you out,
see what you got.
45
00:02:20,194 --> 00:02:22,958
[Imitating Muhammad Ali]
He's got just one thing on his mind.
46
00:02:23,030 --> 00:02:25,794
He's gonna wanna put you
on your back right away.
47
00:02:25,866 --> 00:02:28,198
[Imitating Mike Tyson]
That's right. So what I want you to do...
48
00:02:28,269 --> 00:02:30,703
is when you're both in close
and you're hot and sweaty...
49
00:02:30,771 --> 00:02:32,705
I want you to throw it in his third rib.
50
00:02:32,773 --> 00:02:37,676
You push that in there, it pushes all the bile
out of the body right onto the floor.
51
00:02:37,745 --> 00:02:41,272
But, Dads, it's just a date.
Do I have to wear these gloves?
52
00:02:41,348 --> 00:02:46,115
Oh, darlin', but it goes so nice
with the mouthpiece we got you.
53
00:02:46,187 --> 00:02:48,951
[Announcer] At first,there was Three Champs and a Baby.
54
00:02:49,023 --> 00:02:50,957
Now, Touch-tone Pictures presents:
55
00:02:53,027 --> 00:02:56,019
Now, remember, no contact below the belt.
56
00:02:56,097 --> 00:02:58,827
That's right.
Let's get these up there.
57
00:02:58,899 --> 00:03:02,494
- Oh, Dad.
- Now, do you remember what I told ya?
58
00:03:02,570 --> 00:03:05,038
- No, Dad.
- Well, neither do I...
59
00:03:05,106 --> 00:03:07,438
but just in case...
60
00:03:07,508 --> 00:03:10,909
He may be pretty. He may have zits.
61
00:03:10,978 --> 00:03:15,506
Whatever you do, don't let him touch, uh...
62
00:03:15,583 --> 00:03:17,517
like a bee.
63
00:03:17,585 --> 00:03:20,076
Thanks, Dad.
64
00:03:20,154 --> 00:03:23,612
You know, you look pretty ecstatic, darlin'.
65
00:03:23,691 --> 00:03:26,524
Thanks.
Oh, I think I might need some money, Dad.
66
00:03:26,594 --> 00:03:28,528
Oh, that's fine.
All pretty girls need money.
67
00:03:28,596 --> 00:03:31,121
How much you need, darlin'?
10, 20, 30,000?
68
00:03:31,198 --> 00:03:33,792
- Here. Take it all. Here. Take the watch.
- Oh.
69
00:03:33,868 --> 00:03:37,804
Take the deed to the house. Take it all.
Just get your baldheaded mother
away from me!
70
00:03:37,872 --> 00:03:40,306
- Mike! Mike!
- Michael! Michael!
71
00:03:40,374 --> 00:03:44,037
- It's over now.
- Ohhh. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
72
00:03:44,111 --> 00:03:46,443
I had a lithium flashback. I'm all right.
73
00:03:46,514 --> 00:03:51,144
- It's okay, Dad.
- No, darlin'. That was pretty ludicrous.
74
00:03:51,218 --> 00:03:53,652
Hey, "ludicrous."
That's a pretty big word.
75
00:03:53,721 --> 00:03:56,155
[Chuckles]
Yeah.
76
00:03:56,223 --> 00:03:58,316
I remember the first time I fell in love.
77
00:03:58,392 --> 00:04:00,326
It was right after a big fight.
78
00:04:00,394 --> 00:04:04,091
I looked down and saw one of
the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen,
and it winked at me.
79
00:04:04,165 --> 00:04:06,759
Then I picked it up
and put it back in its socket.
80
00:04:06,834 --> 00:04:11,100
Hey. You know, I remember my first date.
81
00:04:11,172 --> 00:04:14,164
- [Together] You do?
- No, I don't.
82
00:04:15,843 --> 00:04:17,777
Well, anyway, darlin', just remember...
83
00:04:17,845 --> 00:04:20,109
if you have any problems, just call the house.
84
00:04:20,181 --> 00:04:22,046
I'll hop in the Mercedes. I'll drive right...
85
00:04:22,116 --> 00:04:24,050
- No!
- No! No, no!
86
00:04:24,118 --> 00:04:26,109
[Fight Bell Clangs]
87
00:04:26,187 --> 00:04:28,451
- Dad! Doorbell.
- [Giggles]
88
00:04:28,522 --> 00:04:31,116
That's pretty funny, Ali.
Pretty funny.
89
00:04:31,192 --> 00:04:33,126
[Giggling]
90
00:04:38,365 --> 00:04:40,765
Dad, Dad, Dad...
91
00:04:40,835 --> 00:04:42,803
this is my date,
Gerry Cooney, Jr.
92
00:04:42,870 --> 00:04:45,134
Yeah. How you doing, kid?
93
00:04:45,206 --> 00:04:49,973
- Oh, geez!
- Like father, like son.
94
00:04:50,044 --> 00:04:51,978
- Gerry Cooney.
- Easy, easy, easy.
95
00:04:52,046 --> 00:04:55,106
Easy. Put your arm over here.
Put your arm around him.
96
00:04:55,182 --> 00:04:57,047
- There you go.
- All right.
97
00:04:58,552 --> 00:05:01,350
- Good-bye, young people. Have a good time.
- Good-bye, Dads.
98
00:05:01,422 --> 00:05:03,356
- You kids have fun.
- Okay.
99
00:05:03,424 --> 00:05:05,824
Have fun.
Say hello to your dad for me.
100
00:05:07,161 --> 00:05:11,325
Geez. Boy, her first date, guys.
101
00:05:11,398 --> 00:05:14,663
- Mm.
- I don't know if I'm ecstatic or ludicrous.
102
00:05:16,837 --> 00:05:18,702
Why don't we just fight another round,
Mike?
103
00:05:18,772 --> 00:05:22,139
- All right. I tell you what,
you guess who I am this time, all right?
- All right.
104
00:05:22,209 --> 00:05:25,178
All right. Check it out now.
We're in the second round, all right?
105
00:05:25,246 --> 00:05:27,771
Hit me with a right hand real soft.
Boom!
106
00:05:27,848 --> 00:05:31,284
I'm down.
"Hey! Where's my $22 million?"
107
00:05:32,519 --> 00:05:36,455
- Buster Douglas!
- [Giggling] That's right!
108
00:05:36,523 --> 00:05:38,457
[Announcer]
Three Champs and a Little Lady.
109
00:05:38,525 --> 00:05:41,016
Coming to a theater near you.
110
00:05:45,532 --> 00:05:48,729
♪♪ [Jazzy Theme]
111
00:05:48,802 --> 00:05:51,669
Hey! Welcome back to the Newlywed Game.
112
00:05:51,739 --> 00:05:54,606
Biff and Bunny, that last round was incredible.
113
00:05:54,675 --> 00:05:58,634
Now, it's time to seehow our husbands'answers...
114
00:05:58,712 --> 00:06:00,646
match up with what their wives have said.
115
00:06:00,714 --> 00:06:03,080
Couple number three, Phillip and Louise.
116
00:06:03,150 --> 00:06:05,744
If your wife was a dog, Phil...
117
00:06:05,819 --> 00:06:08,754
what kind of a dog would she be?
118
00:06:08,822 --> 00:06:11,256
Well, I'd have to say an Afghan...
119
00:06:11,325 --> 00:06:15,091
because it's tall, it's regal and it's elegant...
120
00:06:15,162 --> 00:06:17,289
everything that she is.
121
00:06:17,364 --> 00:06:20,333
Louise, wanna show us your card?
122
00:06:20,401 --> 00:06:23,131
She said she would not be a dog.
123
00:06:24,305 --> 00:06:27,103
Hey, Louise, it's just a game.
124
00:06:27,174 --> 00:06:29,699
I thought the whole point was to win.
125
00:06:29,777 --> 00:06:31,802
Well, uh, Phillip, you can play the game...
126
00:06:31,879 --> 00:06:34,814
but I'm not going to answer a question
that I find degrading.
127
00:06:34,882 --> 00:06:37,578
I know we've only been married a month,but I don't think I like you.
128
00:06:37,651 --> 00:06:40,620
Well, are we having a verbal conflict,
Phillip?
129
00:06:40,688 --> 00:06:42,952
I know our therapist told us to avoid that.
130
00:06:43,023 --> 00:06:45,617
Maybe we should just end this marriage
right now.
131
00:06:45,693 --> 00:06:48,457
- Judges? Judges say, "End the marriage."
- [Bell Dinging]
132
00:06:48,529 --> 00:06:52,226
Okay. On to couple number two.
133
00:06:52,299 --> 00:06:54,927
Biff, what kind of a dog is your wife?
134
00:06:55,002 --> 00:06:56,936
Well, Bob, I always tell Bunny...
135
00:06:57,004 --> 00:06:59,598
that's she's just a cute
little fluffy newborn pup...
136
00:06:59,673 --> 00:07:01,538
with a warm little belly...
137
00:07:01,608 --> 00:07:03,735
and a sharp, scratchy little tongue...
138
00:07:03,811 --> 00:07:07,076
and droopy little lovable puppy dog eyes.
139
00:07:07,147 --> 00:07:09,274
Bunny, show us your card.
140
00:07:09,350 --> 00:07:12,945
- [Bell Dinging]- Hey.! That's a doggone correct answer.
141
00:07:13,020 --> 00:07:16,751
Which brings us to couple number one,
Fred and Wilma.
142
00:07:16,824 --> 00:07:18,553
- Guys?
- Yeah.
143
00:07:18,625 --> 00:07:21,788
Well, Fred, what kind of a four-legged mutt
are you married to?
144
00:07:21,862 --> 00:07:23,921
Hey, hey, hey.
My wife ain't no mutt, all right?
145
00:07:23,998 --> 00:07:26,762
- She's more like a pit bull.
- A pit bull?
146
00:07:26,834 --> 00:07:29,428
Yeah, a pit bull.
Isn't that one of them dogs that, you know...
147
00:07:29,503 --> 00:07:32,097
clamps onto your behind
and will not let go no matter what?
148
00:07:32,172 --> 00:07:34,106
- Uh-huh.
- That's what I'm talking about.
149
00:07:34,174 --> 00:07:38,577
- What?
- She said... She said, "The butt."
150
00:07:38,645 --> 00:07:40,772
- That's from when we...- That's from before.
151
00:07:40,848 --> 00:07:42,941
- What kind of a dog is that?
- I said a poodle!
152
00:07:43,017 --> 00:07:46,282
- Oh.
- A poodle! Remember how you be
saying whenever we make love...
153
00:07:46,353 --> 00:07:49,447
my head be looking like
a poodle dangling from a dashboard?
154
00:07:49,523 --> 00:07:51,457
Yeah, but the pit bull clamp.
155
00:07:51,525 --> 00:07:54,358
- Oh, shut up! You so stupid,
stupid, stupid, stupid!
- Bob! Bob!
156
00:07:54,428 --> 00:07:58,831
Okay, Bunny, what part of your body
reminds Biff of food?
157
00:07:58,899 --> 00:08:01,459
Well, Bob,
it's funny you should ask that.
158
00:08:01,535 --> 00:08:05,164
See, Biff puts on these chaps
and he tightens up the saddle...
159
00:08:05,239 --> 00:08:07,207
and he straps on those spurs...
160
00:08:07,274 --> 00:08:09,742
- Specifically, Bunny.
- Well, um...
161
00:08:09,810 --> 00:08:13,541
my face gets all flushed
and my cheeks are like cherries!
162
00:08:13,614 --> 00:08:15,912
- [Bell Dinging]- "Cheeks like cherries."
163
00:08:15,983 --> 00:08:18,611
Better put him out to stud.
164
00:08:18,685 --> 00:08:22,086
That's also another correct answerand 10 big points...
165
00:08:22,156 --> 00:08:25,057
which brings us back to Fred and Wilma.
166
00:08:25,125 --> 00:08:27,059
Well, let me tell you something, Bob.
167
00:08:27,127 --> 00:08:29,925
Missy over here
ain't the only one with cherry cheeks...
168
00:08:29,997 --> 00:08:32,431
except mine ain't the ones that smilin'.
169
00:08:34,501 --> 00:08:37,595
Fred, could be your big chanceto get out of the doghouse.
170
00:08:38,839 --> 00:08:41,433
- "Cottage Cheese Thighs."
- Cottage cheese thighs!
171
00:08:41,508 --> 00:08:45,444
Cottage cheese thighs. You know,
Bob, she got those big lumps of fat
on the back of her legs.
172
00:08:45,512 --> 00:08:48,640
- They hunk over...
They overflow over her panty hose.
- Yeah. Uh-huh.
173
00:08:48,715 --> 00:08:50,979
- I even drew a picture. Check it out.
- That's a good one.
174
00:08:51,051 --> 00:08:52,985
- Oh, that's it.
- See? That's the fat right there.
175
00:08:53,053 --> 00:08:55,351
When she walks, it's like dead fish
slapping together. Come on now!
176
00:08:55,422 --> 00:08:58,619
Well, couple number two?
177
00:08:58,692 --> 00:09:01,786
Couple number two,
you're our grand prize winner.
178
00:09:01,862 --> 00:09:04,729
- [Screaming]
- This is Bob Eubanks...
179
00:09:04,798 --> 00:09:06,732
and the Newlywed Game.
180
00:09:11,972 --> 00:09:14,634
♪♪ [Hip-Hop]
181
00:09:45,172 --> 00:09:48,767
♪♪ [Rock]
182
00:09:48,842 --> 00:09:52,278
[Announcer]And now, live from Cell Block "B"Prison Cable Network...
183
00:09:52,346 --> 00:09:55,110
the only TVproduced in prison for prisoners...
184
00:09:55,182 --> 00:09:57,946
presents the Good Behavior Variety Show!
185
00:09:58,018 --> 00:09:59,952
So let's give it up for your host...
186
00:10:00,020 --> 00:10:01,954
serving a life sentence for...[Laughs]
187
00:10:02,022 --> 00:10:03,956
You name it, he's done it.
188
00:10:04,024 --> 00:10:06,686
- Here's Angel.!
- [Cheering]
189
00:10:16,036 --> 00:10:18,800
♪♪ [Rock Climaxes, Stops]
190
00:10:18,872 --> 00:10:21,306
[Latin Accent]
Hey, hey!
191
00:10:21,375 --> 00:10:25,368
All right, all right. Let's give a hand
to the Prison Cable Network Band! Come on!
192
00:10:25,445 --> 00:10:27,936
[Cheering, Applause]
193
00:10:28,015 --> 00:10:29,949
All right, all right.
194
00:10:30,017 --> 00:10:32,815
I wanna tell everybody,
it's so good to be here, you know what I mean?
195
00:10:32,886 --> 00:10:36,117
Well, not good to be here,
but good to be here. You know what I'm saying!
196
00:10:36,190 --> 00:10:38,181
- ♪♪ [Rim Shot]
- [Laughing]
197
00:10:38,258 --> 00:10:40,192
I know you guys are looking at me
and probably thinking...
198
00:10:40,260 --> 00:10:44,663
"Hey, this guy's a kidnapping, car-stealing,
gun-toting killer from Oakland, huh?"
199
00:10:44,731 --> 00:10:47,461
Well, I'm not, all right?
I'm from San Francisco, huh?
200
00:10:47,534 --> 00:10:50,662
- ♪♪ [Rim Shot]
- [Laughing]
201
00:10:52,239 --> 00:10:55,834
Okay, okay.
Okay, for our first act tonight, all right...
202
00:10:55,909 --> 00:10:58,343
This guy is my home slice, man.
203
00:10:58,412 --> 00:11:01,108
I like to call him Poquito.
You can call him Tiny, man.
204
00:11:01,181 --> 00:11:04,446
He's gonna be doing a scene
from the Wizard of Oz, man. That's right.
205
00:11:04,518 --> 00:11:07,112
And performing with him
is Miss Debbie Walsh.
206
00:11:07,187 --> 00:11:10,281
Yeah, she's a volunteer in the infirmary.
Check it out. This is gonna be hot.
207
00:11:10,357 --> 00:11:12,450
It's gonna be cooking.
208
00:11:12,526 --> 00:11:15,518
- ♪♪ [Rock]
- [Cheering, Whistling]
209
00:11:21,201 --> 00:11:23,635
- [Music Ends]- [Applause, Cheering Dies Out]
210
00:11:23,704 --> 00:11:26,138
[Muffled]
Oil can. Oil can.
211
00:11:26,206 --> 00:11:28,140
[Clicking]
212
00:11:28,208 --> 00:11:31,473
Mm! Mm. Goodness.
I can talk again.
213
00:11:31,545 --> 00:11:33,740
Good, Tin Woodsman.
214
00:11:33,814 --> 00:11:36,510
Uh, look here.
Oil me some more, Dorothy.
215
00:11:40,988 --> 00:11:42,922
Did that hurt?
216
00:11:42,990 --> 00:11:45,254
Nah. That felt good.
217
00:11:45,325 --> 00:11:48,021
I ain't been able to move my mouth in ages.
218
00:11:48,095 --> 00:11:50,620
I just scared I ain't go no heart.
219
00:11:50,697 --> 00:11:54,633
Well, we were all wondering if you'd
like to come to the Emerald City with us...
220
00:11:54,701 --> 00:11:57,568
and see if the Wizard of Oz
would give you a heart.
221
00:11:57,638 --> 00:11:59,629
You look good, Dorothy.
222
00:12:01,441 --> 00:12:03,909
He's gonna give the scarecrow a brain.
223
00:12:03,977 --> 00:12:06,537
You smell good too, baby.
224
00:12:06,613 --> 00:12:08,604
Tiny, that's not in the script.
225
00:12:08,682 --> 00:12:11,116
Your breastesses look so nice and round.
226
00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:15,088
Look here! I got to have you, baby!
227
00:12:15,155 --> 00:12:17,749
- [Screams]
- [Cheering]
228
00:12:21,528 --> 00:12:23,928
Hey, hey!
229
00:12:23,997 --> 00:12:26,795
All right. I guess we all can identify
with that performance, huh?
230
00:12:26,867 --> 00:12:29,461
[Cheering Continues]
231
00:12:29,536 --> 00:12:31,902
Now, you all are gonna dig this next act, okay?
232
00:12:31,972 --> 00:12:34,463
He killed at the Apollo.
He killed at the Comedy Store.
233
00:12:34,541 --> 00:12:38,136
He killed at the 7-11... that's why
they brought him down here to Death Row.
234
00:12:38,211 --> 00:12:42,341
- [Laughing]
- Let's give it up for the Death Row Comic.
Come on!
235
00:12:42,416 --> 00:12:44,976
[Cheering, Applause]
236
00:12:45,052 --> 00:12:47,714
Thank you. Thank you very much.
237
00:12:47,788 --> 00:12:50,222
Yeah. Really good to be here.
238
00:12:50,290 --> 00:12:52,315
So, is this thing on?
239
00:12:52,392 --> 00:12:55,156
Hey! Take my life, please.
240
00:12:55,228 --> 00:12:57,492
- ♪♪ [Rim Shot]
- Ho!
241
00:12:57,564 --> 00:13:01,261
Yeah. I just stabbed a guard 57 times...
242
00:13:01,335 --> 00:13:03,269
and boy are my arms tired.
243
00:13:03,337 --> 00:13:05,635
- ♪♪ [Rim Shot]
- Ho!
244
00:13:05,706 --> 00:13:07,833
Hey! What do you say, folks?
245
00:13:07,908 --> 00:13:10,934
You know,
I was always the cut up in the family.
246
00:13:11,011 --> 00:13:13,605
Matter of fact, I cut up my family!
247
00:13:13,680 --> 00:13:16,774
- ♪♪ [Rim Shot]
- Hey!
248
00:13:16,850 --> 00:13:21,446
You know, my next appearance, the warden
guaranteed me the best seat in the house.
249
00:13:21,521 --> 00:13:25,116
I told him, hey,
I'll give an electrifying performance.
250
00:13:25,192 --> 00:13:28,127
- ♪♪ [Rim Shot]
- Hey, is this thing on?
251
00:13:28,195 --> 00:13:30,459
Look, folks, I'm dying up here.
252
00:13:32,466 --> 00:13:36,129
Hey. Dig. I love making people laugh.
253
00:13:36,203 --> 00:13:40,037
But, see, the key to my jokes
is not in the delivery.
254
00:13:40,107 --> 00:13:42,132
It's in the execution.
255
00:13:42,209 --> 00:13:44,143
♪♪ [Rim Shot]
256
00:13:44,211 --> 00:13:46,304
[Man On P.A.]All right. It's time.
257
00:13:46,380 --> 00:13:49,816
Um, anybody heard from the governor?
258
00:13:51,718 --> 00:13:53,982
Just kidding, y'all.
259
00:13:54,054 --> 00:13:56,147
Good night.
260
00:13:56,223 --> 00:13:58,521
[Applause, Cheering]
261
00:13:58,592 --> 00:14:01,493
[Cheering Continues]
262
00:14:01,561 --> 00:14:05,258
I know there's one guy
who hopes we blow a fuse tonight,
you know what I mean?
263
00:14:08,668 --> 00:14:10,932
All right.
This next act you gonna love, all right?
264
00:14:11,004 --> 00:14:14,269
His last assistant he sawed in half
and got 25-to-life, man.
265
00:14:14,341 --> 00:14:16,275
Eeeh.
266
00:14:16,343 --> 00:14:19,506
Let's give it up for the magic
of Charlie Magic. Come on!
267
00:14:19,579 --> 00:14:22,241
- ♪♪ [Intro]
- [Cheering]
268
00:14:22,315 --> 00:14:24,783
[Inmates Chanting]
Charlie! Charlie! Charlie!
269
00:14:24,851 --> 00:14:27,445
Charlie! Charlie! Charlie!
270
00:14:27,521 --> 00:14:30,012
[Cheering]
271
00:14:30,090 --> 00:14:33,582
Good evening, gentlemen.
I know what you're thinking.
272
00:14:33,660 --> 00:14:36,891
Hell! I'm right inside your heads!
[Laughing]
273
00:14:36,963 --> 00:14:38,760
[Cheering]
274
00:14:38,832 --> 00:14:41,767
Tonight I'm gonna do
a little disappearing act for you.
275
00:14:41,835 --> 00:14:44,963
Like to introduce you
to my beautiful assistant Frank.
276
00:14:45,038 --> 00:14:47,131
[Cheering, Whistling]
277
00:14:47,207 --> 00:14:50,973
He's looking especially lovely tonight.
278
00:14:51,044 --> 00:14:54,536
Frank's gonna step inside this box now
and disappear.
279
00:14:54,614 --> 00:14:56,548
And don't think I won't miss him...
280
00:14:56,616 --> 00:14:58,641
'cause he cost me a whole carton of smokes!
281
00:14:58,718 --> 00:15:00,652
- [Laughing]
- [Cheering]
282
00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:02,915
Okay. Now we say the magic words...
283
00:15:02,989 --> 00:15:05,753
and tap the box twice with the magic wand.
284
00:15:05,826 --> 00:15:09,091
Guards to the left of me. Guards to the right.
285
00:15:09,162 --> 00:15:11,255
The guard in the tower is sleeping tonight.
286
00:15:11,331 --> 00:15:14,698
[Chuckles]
Helto-Skelto.
287
00:15:14,768 --> 00:15:16,963
Alakazam!
288
00:15:17,037 --> 00:15:20,700
Do the dance of doom and presto...
289
00:15:20,774 --> 00:15:22,605
Frank's gone, man!
290
00:15:22,676 --> 00:15:24,837
- [Cheering]
- Hee-hee-hee!
291
00:15:24,911 --> 00:15:27,038
Oh, man.
292
00:15:27,113 --> 00:15:30,344
Now I'm gonna make Bill here disappear.
293
00:15:30,417 --> 00:15:32,351
Thank you, Bill.
294
00:15:32,419 --> 00:15:34,614
- Now I'm gonna make Stu disappear.
- [Cheering]
295
00:15:34,688 --> 00:15:38,784
All right. And here comes Mike.
Nice knowing you, man.
296
00:15:38,859 --> 00:15:43,057
[Man On P.A.] This is the warden.Bring 'em back now, Charlie.
297
00:15:43,129 --> 00:15:46,656
Sorry, man.
I don't know how to do that!
298
00:15:46,733 --> 00:15:50,294
- [Alarm Sirens]- [Warden] Everyone backin your cells immediately.
299
00:15:50,370 --> 00:15:52,304
This is a lockdown.
300
00:15:53,373 --> 00:15:56,035
♪♪ [Rock]
301
00:15:56,109 --> 00:15:58,043
Well, that looks like our show tonight.
302
00:15:58,111 --> 00:16:02,445
All right, everybody. I can't wait
to see you on the outside! Adios!
303
00:16:02,516 --> 00:16:05,508
- [Sirens Continue]
- ♪♪ [Continues]
304
00:16:10,490 --> 00:16:13,482
♪♪ [Hip-Hop]
305
00:16:44,257 --> 00:16:46,953
[Chattering]
306
00:16:47,026 --> 00:16:49,119
[Chattering Dies Out]
307
00:16:49,195 --> 00:16:51,129
Good evening...
308
00:16:51,197 --> 00:16:54,291
and welcome to
theJustice Legions of America.
309
00:16:54,367 --> 00:16:56,301
As you all know...
310
00:16:56,369 --> 00:16:59,634
theJustice Legion recently settled
an affirmative-action suit...
311
00:16:59,705 --> 00:17:02,173
brought against it by the United States.
312
00:17:02,241 --> 00:17:04,232
- [Murmuring]
- Apparently...
313
00:17:04,310 --> 00:17:09,407
it was felt that the Legion's membership
has shown a discriminatory preference...
314
00:17:09,482 --> 00:17:14,078
for white men
and incredibly beautiful white women.
315
00:17:14,153 --> 00:17:16,587
[Murmuring]
316
00:17:16,656 --> 00:17:18,851
As part of our settlement...
317
00:17:18,925 --> 00:17:21,587
without denying or admitting our guilt...
318
00:17:21,661 --> 00:17:25,256
I'd now like to present our newest members.
319
00:17:25,331 --> 00:17:29,631
Please welcome our firstJewish superhero...
320
00:17:29,702 --> 00:17:31,636
Beardman!
321
00:17:36,742 --> 00:17:39,905
Tchaiko the Human Computer...
322
00:17:39,979 --> 00:17:41,913
our first Oriental.
323
00:17:46,319 --> 00:17:49,777
And, of course, the woman
who originally brought the suit against us...
324
00:17:49,856 --> 00:17:55,419
Angrywoman, the world's only
black feminist lesbian superhero.
325
00:18:00,166 --> 00:18:02,657
And last but not least...
326
00:18:02,735 --> 00:18:06,068
let's give a warm Justice League welcome...
327
00:18:06,139 --> 00:18:09,370
for the newest handicapped superhero...
328
00:18:09,442 --> 00:18:11,376
Handi Man!
329
00:18:20,486 --> 00:18:22,420
[Tapping On P.A.]
330
00:18:22,488 --> 00:18:24,422
[Slurring]
Thank you.
331
00:18:25,525 --> 00:18:27,857
I'm a man of few words.
332
00:18:28,961 --> 00:18:30,929
And I'd like to say to all those...
333
00:18:30,997 --> 00:18:34,262
who never believed
in the power of the handicapped...
334
00:18:34,333 --> 00:18:39,032
"There's a new sheriff in town
and this is his badge."
335
00:18:41,841 --> 00:18:44,776
Look! Up in the sky!
336
00:18:44,844 --> 00:18:47,608
It's a bird! It's a plane!
337
00:18:48,681 --> 00:18:51,445
It's a giant handicapped sign.!
338
00:18:51,517 --> 00:18:53,451
[Onlookers Oohing]
339
00:18:53,519 --> 00:18:56,454
Listen. I'd love to stay and chat...
340
00:18:56,522 --> 00:18:59,821
but there's someone who needs my help.
341
00:18:59,892 --> 00:19:02,554
I'll be back.
342
00:19:02,628 --> 00:19:05,256
Up, up and away!
343
00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:29,914
Thank God you heard my call!
344
00:19:29,989 --> 00:19:32,822
Have no fear, Handi Man is here.
345
00:19:33,826 --> 00:19:36,420
Good. I gotta go bad.
346
00:19:36,495 --> 00:19:40,431
This guy's been in the stall for over
an hour and a half. He's not even disabled!
347
00:19:40,499 --> 00:19:42,660
Say no more. Wheel back.
348
00:19:44,270 --> 00:19:48,263
Something tells me this ain't gonna be pretty.
349
00:19:50,076 --> 00:19:52,670
Hey! What the... Hey!
350
00:19:52,745 --> 00:19:55,543
Come on outta the stall before there's trouble.
351
00:19:55,615 --> 00:19:57,879
I ain't leaving.
352
00:19:57,950 --> 00:20:03,616
Uh-oh. Looks like someone's
about to join the ranks of the disabled.
353
00:20:03,689 --> 00:20:05,452
Let's get busy!
354
00:20:08,194 --> 00:20:11,721
A cool drink of water
oughta calm you down.
355
00:20:11,797 --> 00:20:14,129
- [Gurgling]
- [Toilet Flushes]
356
00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:16,430
- [Sputtering]
- Now get out of here!
357
00:20:16,502 --> 00:20:18,436
I'm sorry, Handi Man! I'm sorry.
358
00:20:18,504 --> 00:20:21,473
Oh! Oh, no! I didn't do anything. I'm sorry.
359
00:20:22,875 --> 00:20:24,809
You saved the day!
360
00:20:24,877 --> 00:20:27,437
The physically challenged
have been needing a hero, and you're it!
361
00:20:27,513 --> 00:20:29,447
Thank you, Handi Man!
362
00:20:29,515 --> 00:20:33,679
That's okay, son. And remember...
363
00:20:33,753 --> 00:20:37,814
never underestimate
the powers of the handicapped.
364
00:20:40,192 --> 00:20:42,285
Up, up and away!
365
00:20:44,096 --> 00:20:46,894
Thank God we have Handi Man to count on!
366
00:20:59,779 --> 00:21:02,111
[Announcer]
The Adventures of Handi Man!
367
00:21:05,518 --> 00:21:09,113
- [Applause, Cheering]
- Thank you. Thank you.
368
00:21:09,188 --> 00:21:14,285
We're gonna see you again
next Sunday... 8:00, Fox.
369
00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:15,194
Until then, we gonna go home tonight...
370
00:21:15,194 --> 00:21:16,627
Until then, we gonna go home tonight...
371
00:21:16,696 --> 00:21:19,790
with the first female
on the notorious DefJam label...
372
00:21:19,865 --> 00:21:21,799
give it up for Nikki D.
373
00:21:21,867 --> 00:21:24,859
- [Cheering]- ♪♪ [Hip-Hop]
374
00:21:29,475 --> 00:21:31,875
That's what I'm talking about.
Come on, y'all.
375
00:21:31,944 --> 00:21:34,469
It's the end of the show.
You might as well have a good time.
376
00:21:34,547 --> 00:21:38,677
You know, they all worked it. You got
the Fly Girls, the whole In Living Color posse.
377
00:21:38,751 --> 00:21:41,481
And we're gonna take you home.
We're gonna take you out like this:
378
00:21:43,522 --> 00:21:47,925
♪♪ [Rapping]
379
00:22:06,746 --> 00:22:10,876
♪♪ [Continues]
380
00:22:42,581 --> 00:22:47,348
♪♪ [Continues]
381
00:23:00,266 --> 00:23:03,292
♪♪ [Ends]
31705
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof