Original subtitles

[Baby Fussing]

[Audience Cheering]

- [Cheering Continues] - Oh, hi.

- Okay, okay! - [Cheering Stops]

Hey, little Wanda. I'll change you in a minute.

First I gotta get over here and get my breast pump.

Woo-hoo! This is the favorite part of the day.

My favorite part of the day. This is like "nipo-suction."

- [Baby Crying] - Oh. Oh, hush. Ooh.

Don't cry. Uh-uh. No, no.

You need to get changed. I know what's wrong.

Don't worry about it. I'll change you.

Just hold on a minute. Just give me a second.

Okay. Oh-oh!

I guess I shouldn't have gave you all that Raspberry Snapple.

Ooh. Okay. Shh. Ooh.

You so cute. How you get so pretty?

You look just like your mama.

- [Crying] - Oh, okay. Uh-huh. No cryin' now.

♪♪ [Singing]

- [Screaming] - Hey. For real. Oh. Oh. Okay. Oh-oh.

- Oh. You must have a gas bubble or some... - [Belches]

Ooh, it smell like that hog head cheese I had earlier this morning.

Okay, I'm gonna lay you down now...

'cause mama gotta write in her diary and stuff, okay?

So hush and be quiet. Stay tight.

Don't let the bedbugs get all up in your stuff, okay?

All right. Ooh.

"Dear... Dear Diary...

"I am still lookin' for Wanda's man. I have some type of clue.

"I know he light 'skinned-ed.' I know he got green eyes...

"and he used to pop-lock and stuff...

"and he drove a Camaro.

"But I'm still kinda shady on what he actually looks like.

"I went to the police station...

"I went...

"and I said, 'I'm lookin' for my man.'

They said, 'W ell, do you want us to subpoena..."'

Sup... S...

"'Do you want us to find him? '

"And I said, 'Y es, I do, because that's the way I got like this in the first place.'

So anyway, dear diary, I'll just keep on with my search."

Good night, little Wanda.

[Baby Belches]

- [Laughing] - ♪ In living color♪

♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪

♪ In living color♪

- ♪ In living color♪ - ♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪

♪ In living color♪

♪ In living color♪

♪ You can walk on the moon Float like a balloon ♪

♪ You see, it's never too late and it's never too soon ♪

- ♪ Take it from me, it's a'ight to be ♪ - Hi-yah!

♪ In living color♪

♪ And how would ya... How would ya... How would ya f... ♪

♪ How would you feel knowing prejudice was obsolete ♪

♪ And all mankind danced to the exact beat ♪

[Echoing] ♪ And at night it was safe to walk down the street ♪

♪ You can do what you wanna do ♪

♪ In living color♪

♪ In living color♪

- ♪ You can do what you wan... wan... ♪ - ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ You can do what you wan... wan... wan... ♪ - ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ You can do what you wan... wan... ♪ - ♪ In living color♪

- ♪ You can do what you wan... wan... wan... ♪ - ♪ In living color♪

- [Turntable Scratching] - ♪ In living color♪♪

[Laughing]

[Male Announcer] Coming this fall to Fox, the all new Circus of the Black Stars.

You'll see daring acrobats Garrett Morris and Nell Carter.

Hold still. I'm gettin' ready to jump.

At least let me put a parachute on.

Shut up.! We gonna do this on three.

Three!

I'm comin', Jesus!

[Announcer] You'll see Sinbad the lion tamer.

Man, look at that lion!

- Man, that's a big old lion, man. - [Whip Cracks]

Lion be sittin' there lookin' at me, talkin' 'bout... [Snarling]

"Hey, Sinbad. I ain't lyin'."

And I'm not! Man, the last time I saw a lion was at the zoo.

- [Growling] - [Whip Cracks]

Get back. I mean it, man.

[Announcer] You'll thrill and gasp as you watch the stars...

perform the ancient art ofknife throwing.

Hi, I'm Shari Belafonte. You people there would be less of a target...

if you got hooked on Slim-Fast like me.

Look at me. Dig this. I've got a good figure, a famous father...

How come I'm not working more?

You have to talk a little louder, Shari.

I have to throw the knives at your voice.

[Announcer] And thrill as Jackée is turned into a human cannonball.

Ooh! I hope this don't mess up my nails.

Hey, tall, dark and handsome.

Why don't you point this here cannon in the direction of your apartment...

and I can meet you there after the show? Ooh!

[Screaming, Grunts]

Ooh, look. It's rainin' men. Ooh! [Giggles]

[Announcer] So don't miss the Circus of the Black Stars.

- [Jackée Screaming] - Coming from Fox.

♪♪ [Funk]

♪♪ [Ends]

- Miss. Miss. - Miss.

How did you feel when you won the fantasy date with Magnifico himself?

Oh, I just couldn't believe it. I mean, he's so gorgeous. [Giggles]

He certainly is. [Makes Sizzling Sound]

Now why don't we show Julie to her table, huh?

- Okay. - Julie!

Oh. What the hell is keeping him?

Well, ever since Cosmo named him the sexiest man, he's been absolutely impossible.

You know, I haven't even laid eyes on him since he left for Europe.

- That was six months ago. Yeah. - [Motorcycle Approaching]

- [Motorcycle Engine Stops] - Ah-ha.! I am here.!

- Yeah. Linda! - [Groans]

So fantastic it is to feast my looks upon your sexual appearance.

- Magnifico has arrived. - My God. What the hell have you done to yourself?

Nothing, thank you. And yourself?

Aha! My press. They hunger for me. Out of the way!

[Chattering]

- Yo, man. Excuse me. - I got it. I got it.

Magnifico. Would you care to comment on your new look?

[Cackles] What do you mean? What do you speak of, this new look?

Okay. Well, some people might say...

that you really, really, really... Damn! Really let yourself go.

Ha-ha! Well, I may have put on a pound or two. So what?

It is no matter. The camera loves me. I am... Magnifico.

Is it true that you've been linked with recent cattle disappearances in Oklahoma?

Well, I, uh... I forget, but it is no matter.

I am sexiest, most beloved man in world! I am... Magnifico.

Now, where is she, the luckiest lady in the world?

Aha! Here she is. Take a walk, goofy.

My little furry one, are you ready to ride the wild wind...

on the back of a pony named "love," huh?

Who are you?

You, uh... You are intimidated by my stunning good looks, yes?

Do not be ashamed by your plainness.

To Magnifico, it is, uh, a woman's insides who are most beautiful.

- [Belches] - [Coughing]

Now, who do I have to make long, passionate love to...

to get a beer around here, huh?

- Magnifico, first we need to take some publicity shots. - All right. Okay.

- Come on. Get up! - [Screams] No!

Yes. I will, uh... I will now strip downwards...

to my flimsy, velvet jockstrap underwears.

- Prepare to be tantalized. - [Screams] No!

- No, no, no. That won't be necessary. - All right.

Now is... Is there any way to make him look good?

- Um... No. - Oh. Okay.

My dear, refresh my brain. What was your Magnifico fantasy date?

Oh, just to meet you and then quickly leave.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. It was so much more. Now I am remembering.

You wanted me to lower myself down upon your lips...

- slowly but surely grinding myself... - No! No!

[Screaming]

[Screaming Continues]

Yes, yes. This is a night they will never be forgetting. Ha-ha!

- Because the camera loves me. I am... Magnifico! - [Camera Shutter Clicks]

Ladies and gentlemen... Uh, ladies and gentlemen...

as you all know, Magnifico's new CD, Hungry For You...

hit record stores this week.

Yes, and tonight, he's going to be singing...

his new hit single, "The Way I Look Tonight."

Magnifico!

- ♪♪ [Slow Rock] - Thank you, Linda. You're so beautiful.

♪♪ [Singing]

I, uh... I, uh...

♪♪ [Continues]

Oh, excuse me. I've to get this...

♪♪ [Continues]

Come back here. I love you. You can't go.

- I will crush you. No, come here. - Magnifico. Come back here!

[Shouting, Indistinct]

- [Turntable Scratching] - ♪♪ [Hip-hop]

- [Man Speaking] - ♪♪ [Woman Singing]

- [Turntable Scratching] - ♪♪ [Continues]

♪♪ [Ends]

Thank you. Thank you. And now for my next trick.

I will close the curtain on this chamber...

and when I open it again, my lovely assistant, Rhonda, will have disappeared.

[Drumroll]

[Drum Fill, Cymbal Crash]

- Hi howdy, folks. - Who are you?

I'm Fire Marshal Bill Burns...

and this magic show, while entertaining to young and old alike...

could be a hazard to life and limb!

Some broad nearly knocked me down goin' through that secret passageway.

Sir, I assure you. What I perform is magic. It is completely safe.

That's what they said about the World Trade Center, son. But me and my friend Abdul...

and a couple of pounds of plastique explosive showed 'em different.

[Cackles]

Let me show you something.

Say you're about to wow the audience with a little sleight of hand.

- [Drumroll] - You go to tap your wrist with the magic wand...

when somebody yells out, " Look! Siegfried and Roy just made a salami disappear."

In all the excitement, you pick up your magic machete instead.

And before you know it... presto hacko.

[Blade Hits Flesh]

[Drumroll, Cymbal Crash]

You're changin' your name to David Chopperfield.

Look, folks. Nothin' up my sleeve. [Cackles]

Isn't that a wonderful trick, folks? Huh? Thank you for stopping by, sir.

Now, if I may direct your attention...

ladies and gentlemen, to the lovely birdcage.

Hold it right there, MagicJohnson!

That little aviary is an accident waitin' to happen.

Say you go to cover these birds with one of your mystical snot rags.

What you don't know is, Pyro, the mentally deficient fire-eater...

has switched it with a gasoline soaked rag.

Like so.

Meanwhile, you're so confident...

and so surefire cocky about your little disappearing bird trick...

that you decide to brush up on your arc welding at the same time.

That's what it's all about! [Cackles]

Oh! My birds! My birds! Put that out!

It's so... beautiful!

You don't understand!

This is magic. It's not dangerous.

The hand is quicker than the eye.

Well, I'd like to test that theory.

- [Screaming, Cackling] - [Pops]

Looks like a photo finish to me.

Sir, sir, get off this stage. You're ruining the whole show!

Son, not so fast. You don't wanna miss my grand finale.

I brought a little illusion of my own. ♪♪ [Vocalizing]

♪♪ [Continues]

♪♪ [Stops]

Oh, Mandrake, would you be so kind as to place the top box...

on the table over there?

[Muttering]

Welcome to the world of illusion!

That's incredible. How did you do that?

Easy. Let me show you something!

[Chain Saw Buzzing]

Oh, my God.! Look out, everybody.! Run.!

- [Cackling] - Get out!

Oh, my God.! He's goin'for the gas main.!

Don't worry, folks.

That's the headless chainsaw-wielding torso of a fire marshal.

- [Siren Wailing] - I'm ruined in the business.

[Sniffles]

I just got a job workin' with Gallagher.

[Cackling]

If you're wondering what's next...

straight from Elektra Records to sing their hot single...

please put your hands together for...

Leaders of the New School!

♪♪ [Hip-hop]

♪♪ [All Rapping]

♪♪ [Rapping]

♪♪ [Rapping]

♪♪ [Ends]