Original subtitles

Into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite.

I got three cases of champagne for Serena Van Der Woodsen.

For me? Who's it from?

Porn and handcuffs? This is low, Chuck, even for you.

What's this? Chuck said it came for you this morning. Whoa. Is that coke?

How do you like a brother who uses you as a drug mule?

I can't believe you think Chuck is doing these things. What's he done now?

I'll tell you what he's done. If we're gonna exist under the same roof,

I am laying down some house rules. No need, Princess. Bart already kicked me out.

I'm moving back to my suite. I love you, Nate Archibald.

Always have, always will.

I want nothing else to do with you, Blair. It's over.

Jenny, if you walk away from me now, I will ruin you.

How are you gonna do that? My mother's Valentino was stolen.

Oh, my god. That's my mother's dress. Do you think that you can just send me off to school

with a plaid skirt and a metrocard,

and everything will be okay? I'm really sorry, Chuck.

I know it wasn't you who sent me that stuff.

And who am I?

That's a secret I'll never tell.

You know you love me.

X.o.x.o., gossip girl.

There are three things we do alone...

We are born, we die,

and if we're a high school junior headed for college,

we take the s.A.T.

And while the test is said to measure our best traits,

preparing for it

inevitably brings out the worst...

Humility becomes self-doubt...

(Phantom planet's "do the panic" playing)

♫ guess we're all in trouble, huh? ♫

Striving becomes obsession.

♫ It's Tuesday on the other side of town ♫

Some are driven to self-medication...

♫ most would just give up for dead ♫

♫ so I said, "Alfie, don't get so upset" ♫

♫ we all get scared of sticking out our necks ♫

♫ it's expected ♫

While others cling to the security

of being part of a group.

♫ Ooh, ah ♫

♫ ba, ba, ba ♫

♫ ba, ba, sha-doo, be-doo ♫

♫ ba, ba, ba ♫

And anyone who's used to bending the rules

will find themselves breaking them.

♫ Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, sha-doo ♫

♫ come on, come on ♫ ♫ it's time to lose control ♫

♫ come on, come on ♫ ♫ turn off your radio ♫

♫ come on, come on ♫ ♫ you're gonna feel all right ♫

♫ come on, come on ♫ ♫ let's do the panic tonight ♫

(Pencil snaps) Uhh!

Ugh! Dad, don't ever do that again.

Just doing what I was told. Time's up.

I was instructed that whenever time was up,

I should share that information. Yes, but the manner in which you went about it... it was like

you were deliberately trying to humiliate me. How bad?

Uh... half. I finished exactly half in the allotted time.

Well, you're a smart kid. I'm a choker. I choke.

Mm, just in your head. T-ball. First grade. Remember this?

Bases loaded, and I struck out. You were 6.

The ball was on a tee, not moving. You'll come through.

(Scoffs) You're basing that on what, exactly?

(Inhales sharply) Blind faith?

Bye. Wait.

Dad, I'm gonna be late. I'm coming with you.

What? You're walking me to school? I need the exercise.

I made one mistake. It doesn't mean I need

a human ankle monitor. You used to beg me to walk you to school.

You'd cry if I didn't walk you to class. That wasn't me. That was Dan.

It's true, but I was 6,

and it an emotional time for me. It was post-t-ball. Jenny, what you did was wrong

and really out of character.

Grounding you is not just about punishment.

We need to spend some time together, reconnect. Yeah, I want that, too.

Just... not in public and in front of my friends.

(Sighs) All right. Tonight. Dinner.

Okay. And I have group rehearsal.

I'm the alto. And I'm really proud,

but we are connecting this evening over lasagna.

Hey, Jen, you wanna wait up for a second? We could take the...

Well, a-all right, I'll see ya at school.

(Indistinct conversations)

(Beep)

2200. Fair.

It's 90th percentile.

Which means Nelly yuki probably got 2300.

And you don't even talk to her. Why do you care how she does?

Nelly yuki has her sights set on Yale, too.

What are the odds

of them accepting two girls from constance?

And have you seen Nelly yuki's extracurriculars?

I need to kick her well-rounded ass.

And they say you've lost your edge. Nelly yuki must be destroyed.

Why do you keep saying her name? Because it's Nelly yuki.

(Laughs) Ew, gross. Incoming... Chuck. You ready?

No, I gotta wait for Dan. He's pretty stressed.

He doesn't do well with tests, so... Performance anxiety?

Bye, Blair.

She really needs to tone down on the social niceties.

It's embarrassing. Eventually, the two of you

are gonna have to work out your issues. What issues? I'm issue-free.

And, uh, based on my exhaustive research,

so are you.

Georgina?

According to my very reliable sources,

Georgina sparks is nowhere near our fair isle.

She's in Switzerland, dating the prince of Belfort.

There's a prince of Belfort? Uh-huh.

And she's dating him? Oh, thank god.

Now you can enjoy the gifts she mailed you

with peace of mind... And maybe Chuck in the room.

Oh, shoot. Except we're siblings.

Georgie always brought out the devil in you.

Part of me is a little disappointed she's not here.

Mm, I wonder which part. It's been a while since I saw the old Serena.

Well, thanks to her,

the new one has to break 2000 on her s.A.T.S.

So if you could just go smarm elsewhere...

The offer still stands. I know a, uh, lovely little redhead

that's just dying to be you for the day. Oh, I'll leave the cheating to you, Chuck.

I plan on taking the s.A.T.S myself.

(Penelope) You have no idea how lucky you are.

Seriously, Jenny.

I would do anything to be a freshman again. Junior year sucks.

Nate doesn't call. I'm not ready for the s.A.T.S. Maybe I should join kati on the kibbutz in Israel,

quit now. You guys, it's just a test.

Look, cram session tonight. My dad's making lasagna.

My brother's got tons of flash cards,

and I'm totally available to help.

That won't be necessary, little j.

You girls are all taken care of,

courtesy of Blair Waldorf s.A.T. Prep and spa.

Are you serious? If you're gonna sweat the test, it better not clog your pores.

This evening at my penthouse, you'll find personal tutors,

hot stone massages, mani-pedis and an amazing acupuncturist

who specializes in mental acuity.

Guess that beats my dad's lasagna. I'll Flickr over some photos for you.

Oh, it's upperclassmen only. I'm sure you understand.

Totally.

Wait up, b.

I'm so glad I didn't book that flight to Tel Aviv.

Spotted in the halls of constance... little j. Realizing

that age really does come before beauty.

S.a.t.s?

Yeah. Yeah, and, uh, soccer?

Why not give the old ball a kick?

Season's just around the corner... in October.

No, no, you know what? I have to stop doing that.

I'll just focus on myself and my... my test and my prep.

What other people do or don't do is about them, absolutely.

(Nate) Not a good tester, huh?

Oh, Chuck, I had no idea you felt that way about me.

(Laughs) Good to know you're at least still kind of funny.

Hey, I'm so sorry.

I've been completely off the radar the past few days.

New home, new family. It's okay.

Yeah, it's, um, pretty overwhelming.

Yeah, i-I've been a little overwhelmed myself lately.

Well, you wanna hang out... Study?

Mmm. Ooh. I wanna take whatever s.A.T. Prep course

you're signed up for.

Well, it's not too late.

(Laughs) Okay. I'm in, then.

I'll see you.

You always did know how to leave 'em wanting more.

Oh, my god, Georgina.

What are you doing here? Well, I told you I was coming.

Didn't you get my gifts? Uh, you're supposed to be in Switzerland dating a prince.

Luckily daddy didn't need the g5.

Haven't you missed me?

How could I not?

Okay. You don't want to throw me a homecoming party.

I get it, but let's have a cocktail,

catch up.

S., you're really gonna hurt my feelings,

and you know how I get when my feelings are hurt.

Great. I'll see you tonight.

It's so weird seeing you. It's almost like I never left.

Spotted in the courtyard...

Serena looking like she's seen a ghost...

The ghost of parties past.

Jenny, why did you want to meet here? Well, I've been thinking...

What's the one thing that no one in our group has,

I mean, not even Blair? Compassion?

No, a boyfriend. You know, if I'm gonna make it to queen,

I need a king. Queen Elizabeth never had a boyfriend.

But she only had the Spanish to conquer,

and I have Blair Waldorf. Let's talk qualifications.

He has to be cute, but not full of himself.

He has to be from the right kind of family...

Ugh, but not disgusting. (Giggles)

Come on. (Barking)

(Boy) Whoa!

Oh, oh, aw...

I'm so sorry. Are you okay?

Yeah, uh, my lunch isn't, though.

Oh, Linus.

Let me give you... My last dollar.

Oh, I couldn't.

You shouldn't be walking the streets with no money.

Let's just settle for an I.O.U. Then.

It's just a hot dog.

That was just my excuse to give this to you.

Here's my number.

Thank you.

I mean, it's fine.

I mean, I'm really not even that hungry.

Well, if you change your mind...

What are you doing? He's gorgeous.

He's a dog Walker.

I need a king, not a Jester.

(Sighs) Come on. Let's go lurk outside Dalton.

Hey. Vanessa.

You're Nate, right? You play a very small but crucial role

in my video project. Oh, that's right.

I remember you following Dan around with your video camera. Hey, Nate.

What are you doing here? I mean, I know the coffee's good...

Since I've taken every s.A.T. Prep and review class

in the five boroughs, I figured why not pay it forward? So... so you don't need these?

You know, I've actually already taken it.

My parents don't want me going to u.S.C.,

so I had to make sure my scores were good enough

to get in without their help, which, thanks to these books,

they were, so I'm done. While we all love hearing about the struggles of the idle rich,

Dan's got a fine tutor right here.

I Ace every practice test I take,

so we don't need your hand-me-downs. Um, you know what? Th-this is actually pretty good.

This looks good. Thank you. Is there a reason you insist

on looking so desperate and needy? She's been like that since we were kids...

Venomous without provocation. It's better than being a charity case.

She's rude, too. I see that.

Yeah. Well, I gotta get going,

but I hope these are useful.

Oh, yeah, yeah, very. Thank you. (Clears throat)

What?

They're... hey, every little bit helps.

♫♫

(Crystal castles vs. Health's "crimewave" playing)

(Serena) Is this really the best place for us to talk?

You of all people know

nothing gets me talking like a cosmo.

♫♫

A lot has changed since we used to hang out, Georgie.

I know. I get it. No, you don't get it, or you wouldn't have sent me

all those so-called gifts in the first place.

Oh, come on, sweetie. Those were funny.

Get over yourself. I was just trying to make you laugh.

How about this... How about for one night,

we hang out like old times, but unlike old times,

I won't get out of control, unless you want me to.

I mean, I can totally get out...

No, okay. I-I won't get out of control,

and I totally respect that.

Please stop me any time you feel like answering.

Any... time. Come on.

♫♫

One drink, but only one.

(Clink) (Laughs) Cheers.

(Elevator bell dings)

Where are all the tutors?

And the masseuses? And the smoothies?

All that I have promised you is waiting.

And while it gives me great pleasure

to think of us crossing that s.A.T. Finish line together,

before the race can begin,

you need to be made aware of one little thing.

Nelly yuki, top in our class,

summer schooled at the sorbonne.

Lots of people do summer at sorbonne, including me.

True. Penelope, you may be a national merit scholar,

but Nelly yuki is a merit scholar...

(Mouse button clicks) A peabody scholar

and an intel science talent search finalist.

Isabel, you're a concert pianist,

but Itzhak perlman himself gave Nelly her very first violin.

Hazel...

You're just along for the ride, 'Kay?

(Scoffs) But if any of us wants to live out our college dreams,

we have to find Nelly yuki's weakness

and exploit it.

So what's it gonna be... Aromatherapy or annihilation?

What's the plan?

♫♫

(Cheering)

(Georgina) It was, like, the worst thing ever,

and then... and then, do you remember?

Do you remember when we ran out of money?

And then I had to flash the bartender

'cause we ran out of money. (Laughs) Wait, wait. Oh, my god.

Remember when we were Savannah and Svetlana? Oh, Savannah.

(Both) Savannah!

I totally forgot about Savannah and Svetlana. Svetlana.

Wait, no, I think we were Tiffany and angel that night.

(Both laugh)

Oh, you could talk me into anything.

Hey, ladies, can I, uh, get you guys another round?

Ooh. No, thank you.

Hmm. Oh.

(Italian accent) My American girlfriend,

so uptight.

They think the drink lead to the sex.

(Southern accent) No, no, no, I wasn't being rude.

I just didn't want to take anything

if I couldn't offer anything in return.

We'd be happy with just one dance.

Aw. Aw. I'm afraid I have two left feet.

Aw, this is what is the practice for. Come on, lady.

(Both) Opa!

(Cell phone rings)

Who is that?

Um, no one. Uh, thank you for calling back.

Ahh! Nadine the beauty queen. How can I help you?

(Man) I don't have time for this.

Do you want 1 or 2 g's?

Can you just give it... Some dealer you know?

I didn't realize I brought my grandmother.

I have to go.

♫♫

Hey, come here.

Whoo!

I'm so stupid, so, so, so, so stupid.

You don't sound stupid. You sound drunk.

What have you been into?

Georgina.

Good news is, she doesn't want anything except to party.

Bad news is, I partied.

Care to paint a picture? Does this party require clothes?

I'm supposed to be at Dan's studying.

I called to tell him I'd be late,

but not this late. I-I just have to call him and say...

That instead of studying with him,

you're out with your old pal Georgina.

No. I don't want him to know she exists.

My mom, Blair, even you can't stand her.

Dan of all people cannot know Georgie.

Can you help me?

Say you need me.

Chuck!

Hearing you scream my name is more than enough.

I'll take care of it and pick you up in ten.

(Cell phone rings)

Hey, I've been wondering where you were. You mean all of your life?

Uh, don't take this the wrong way, Serena,

but you sound just like this jackass we know. Serena has food poisoning.

She's too sick to come to your playdate. Put her on the phone.

The bathroom doesn't get reception.

Somehow I don't believe you. And I'd like to say I'm a little glad about that,

but my poor, sick sister has asked for my assistance

in the matter, so I'll leave it at this...

She's not coming. Don't try calling.

Humphrey, always a pleasure.

(Line clicks)

(Sighs)

(Exhales deeply)

(Indistinct conversations)

I'm gonna have to call you back. Hey.

Beautiful day you're ruining, isn't it? Do me a favor, please, and leave Serena alone.

It was Serena I was doing a favor for.

All I know is before spring break,

everything was great. It was good.

Now break's over, she's not quite herself,

and I'm... I'm trying to think, what has changed in her life? (Snaps fingers)

Oh, the bass family moved into it.

Dan, hi.

Hey. Hey, how you feeling?

Good. My migraine's gone.

Migraine? I thought you had food poisoning.

Yeah, that came after.

What exactly happened last night?

I already told him.

I'm asking you.

Well, I got food poisoning, and then Chuck helped me out.

Okay, where exactly did you eat

that you got this killer food poisoning migraine? Can we drop the interrogation?

As soon as you tell me where my girlfriend is. I'm right here with you.

(School bell rings)

Look, I-I gotta go to class.

I can't... I can't do this.

This is exactly why I didn't want her to come back.

She's been back a day already and look what's happening.

If it's really that bad,

why don't you just tell him about her?

I can't. I'll see you later.

(Nelly) Look, I'm not stupid.

I know you're not really interested

in how my family owns half of Tribeca. Of course we're interested.

You're the newest member of our little club. Which is only for the smartest girls of the junior class.

Our junior class only has 30 girls.

We're already an elite club. Can I go now?

You what would be hot? You, us at g spa. I don't drink.

Saks fifth? Hate shopping.

Yogurt on the steps? Lactose-intolerant. Look, I really don't want any friends.

All I want is to be alone

and to never listen to Flo Rida ever again. What happened? A little backstage hit it and quit it?

What? No, my boyfriend broke up with me at a Flo Rida concert.

One minute we were waving our hands in the air

like we just didn't care, and the next...

(Beeping)

(Elise) Since the Dalton guys were a bust,

how about collegiate?

The boys' lacrosse team is working out just around...

Jenny, look.

(Scoffs) What did I tell you about that dog Walker?

There are no kings on craigslist.

But I don't think he's the Walker.

I think he's the owner.

(Mouths words)

I spy my king.

Hi. (Laughs)

Hi. How have you been?

(Flo Rida featuring timbaland's "elevator" playing)

♫ hey, my first flo stopped a gold diggin' woman ♫

♫ money cash flow all big-faced hundreds ♫

♫ stuntin' on the pole, got them d-boys runnin' ♫

♫ shorty got both broke, can't see what's coming ♫

♫ on my elevator, get it up ♫

Oh, god. Not that song.

Nelly yuki, what's wrong? It's like it's happening all over again.

That song just reminds me of my boyfriend...

(Music stops, beep) My ex-boyfriend, I should say.

Oh, no. Did he dump you? (Gasps) That's horrible.

W-w-what was his name? Brad? Bill?

Todd... Jansen.

There's nothing like the fresh, sharp pain of a breakup.

Believe me, I've had my fair share of heartache,

but this is about you.

Tonight you're gonna come over to my house,

and just cry till you get it all out of your system. I can't. I have to be focused tomorrow.

You can't focus when something's on your mind,

now can you? Come, come, come. Tell me all about it.

I guess I'll just take the check, please. Okay.

Hey, hold that, will ya?

Daylight savings moved to march. Maybe no one told you. I know I'm late.

Coffee, Nate?

Yeah, thanks, Cora.

You two know each other? I've been here before.

Are you telling me you come all the way to Brooklyn

for Greek food? Well, when I'm in Brooklyn, I like to come here, yes.

'Cause you're in Brooklyn all the time.

Well, my... my father's in rehab a couple blocks away,

and, uh, which, by the way, is why I'm late. I was...

Visiting hours... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...

No. I mean, it's not like it's some big secret.

It was on the front page of every newspaper in the city.

I guess it was, yeah.

Sometimes after I'm done seeing him,

I'm not ready to go back and see my mom just yet,

so I come here and I sit and just, uh...

Think about how hard it is

to know whose side you're supposed to be on,

mom versus dad, kid in the middle?

Confession... I read one of your practice essays.

You left it in a book that you gave Dan,

and that's why I called you... To apologize.

Why?

Because... I judged the cover,

but now that I've read the book,

I figured you were owed some apologetic souvlaki,

at the very least.

(Both laugh)

(Cell phone rings)

Hey, Georgie. It was good to see you last night.

When did you say you were going back to Belgium?

Uh, Switzerland, actually,

and I'm supposed to leave tomorrow,

but I'm not going until I get a chance

to make it up to you first. Oh, nothing to make up. I had fun.

No, you didn't. I mean, until after you left,

I don't think I really heard what you were saying.

I-I didn't get it. You've really changed.

Yeah, I have.

I don't mean to sound corny,

but... it's a real inspiration to me.

Really?

I mean, look, I've always thought

that I am who I'm going to be for the rest of my life,

and even those times when I maybe don't like myself,

well... you can't decide to be somebody else.

No, you can. Yeah, listen, let's have dinner.

I-I mean, I want to hear about your life,

and if you can change, maybe there's hope for me, too.

No, I-I have to study. I have s.A.T.S in the morning.

It'll just be an hour. We can time it. I promise.

The hardest drug on the table will be... Perrier.

Spotted... Serena Van Der Woodsen

being given a real life multiple choice question...

"A"... go home and study,

"b"... get a good night's sleep,

"c"... call your boyfriend

or "d"...

An hour.

None of the above.

Good.

Hope that wasn't the wrong answer, s.

This test doesn't grade on a curve.

Looks like "spacious." What does it mean? Roomy.

Oh, yeah.

"Captious." (sighs)

Looks like...

That looks like "capacious."

Oh. I can't concentrate.

Sound of your own voice distracting you?

No. It's, uh, Serena, actually.

We had an argument.

(Door opens) I'm home!

Oh!

Look it. Trig identities are memorized,

my Latin is resurrected, and my lit paper's finished.

Impressive. Mm-hmm.

Huh. Seeing as you've returned the Valentino,

and you've logged ten hours of volunteer work

with Betty at the shop...

I'm not grounded anymore? I have something for you.

No way!

(Opens latches)

Oh! It's not exactly the same as the one you pawned,

but...

(Squeals) Thank you, dad!

You know, Jen, no one's happier than me to see this.

Do you know how much it costs to get a zipper repaired? (Laughs)

Yeah, I figured since you'd be spending so much time at home... Wait. What?

So I guess you're still grounded. Dan.

(Grunts) Dad, wait. I met this really nice guy,

and I'm supposed to meet him in the park for lunch tomorrow. Well, grounded or not grounded,

you're not old enough to date. It's not a date. He's just a friend.

(Dan) Who is this guy? You don't know him. He goes to unity.

Wait, Upper East Side unity? Technically, that's upper West Side, dad.

How are you helping? I thought you wanted to take a break from that whole crowd.

What "whole crowd"? The one that made you feel like compromising your character

was a prerequisite to hanging out with them. So it's okay for Dan to date someone rich, though?

Well, it's not without its complications. Believe me.

I thought you said it wasn't a date.

Ugh!

(Door opens and slams)

It was nice there for a minute. It was.

Hey, s.

I'm just sipping a gingko biloba blended

and wondering how your stomach migraine is.

Call me so I don't worry.

How you doing, Nelly yuki?

(Moans) My upper trapezius seems to hold a lot of sadness.

(Groans)

Something tells me you'll be feeling better very soon...

Any minute.

No. I think I should just go home and study.

(Elevator bell dings)

Uh, Mr. Jansen is here to see miss yuki.

Todd's here?

(Whispers) Do I have cushion face?

A little.

(Sighs)

(Normal voice) Hello, Todd.

Hi, Nelly. Blair said it was all right if I came.

For a siberian ginseng pedi?

No.

I really feel bad about how things ended, Nell.

So do I.

Can we talk about it? In private? Okay.

Thank you, b.

Lucky for us,

mental acuity and common sense rarely come in the same package.

(All laugh)

Oxygen facials, anyone?

Next time your sister's band is in town,

I want front row seats.

(Laughs) You don't strike me as a lesbian punk fan.

You know, I am almost offended by how much

you underestimate me, Ms. Abrams.

You like punk? Oh, I didn't hear you s... You said "punk"?

'Cause you had me at "lesbian."

(Laughs) Oh, right. Didn't see that one coming.

Hey, tell me something. Yes?

Why do you do s.A.T. Practice tests

if you're not planning on taking the exam?

To help Dan study.

I'm a filmmaker. Best education for me is making films.

I can't never met anyone

who thought college was optional.

My parents are artists. My sister's a musician.

Just like going to an Ivy is your family's way,

not going to college is mine.

Think your parents want to adopt a 17 year old? (Laughing)

Maybe? (Laughs)

So...

So...

I guess this is good night, then?

I don't live here, you know.

No, I know.

I'm just grabbing my laptop.

Oh.

Do you want to come inside?

Um...

God. (Laughs) It does feel like that doorstep moment.

And what moment would that be?

Yeah. That's the moment.

(The ting tings' "we started nothing" playing)

(Woman) Can I get you two a cocktail?

♫♫

Oh. I'm fine with my diet coke. Thank you.

Um, yeah, me, too. Thanks.

So... tell me about Dan.

I did. Oh, come on.

His last name and his zip code? Scintillating details.

Come on. He's part of Serena second edition.

♫ So tell me ♫

Um...

Well...

I-I like the way I feel when he looks at me.

How?

♫♫

Like...

Like I wanna believe in myself.

I-I know.

You think it's a cliché.

Uh, no. No, sweetie. I-i-i think it's...

It's incredible.

Yeah.

Look... I know I may not be

your most trusted friend right now,

but I think I know the old you pretty well.

Yeah, better than, um, anyone, actually.

Well, from where I sit, it would take...

A lot to bring that person back.

♫♫

Um... I'm gonna call him, actually.

He's pretty nervous about tomorrow,

so I wanna wish him luck. So I'll be back.

♫♫

♫ Whole thing ♫

♫ it's time to let it explode ♫

♫ I'm starting, ooh ♫

That was quick. Yeah, he didn't pick up.

Oh, you can try him again later. Yeah.

Okay, I'd like to propose a toast. Okay. (Chuckles)

To the new you.

To the new me.

(Clink) Cheers.

(Toilet flushes)

(Sighs)

Ooh. You don't look so good.

You okay, s.?

No, I'm not okay.

Wait, how did we get here? What are we doing here?

Oh, my god. I'm supposed to be at hunter college.

If memory serves, and it usually does,

they don't let you in if you're late. (Whispers) Oh, my god.

I'm thinking eggs.

(Grunts) Do you want... Florentine or Benedict?

(Normal voice) Wait. I was drinking soda, Georgie.

Yeah, until you switched to patrón.

Look, don't worry. I called Lily and covered your ass.

So... you're welcome.

No, you... you knew I had s.A.T.S this morning.

Which is why I brought you here

instead of letting you go home with one of your many suitors.

You know the guy with the ironic mustache?

You two took over the deejay booth. Wait, a mustache? What are you talking about?

I guess you haven't changed as much as you thought.

Chuck? Chuck, hey. I'm in trouble.

Look, I think I can still make it,

but please go to hunter,

try to keep the doors open until I get there.

Hey!

(Laughs)

Last night was strange, but very fun.

Still, didn't we just say good-bye,

like... five hours ago?

I'm taking you somewhere. I'm going somewhere... to work.

Get someone to cover for you. I can't just jump in the car with you

because you decide to show up. Well, I'm not asking you to.

This is a onetime offer, and there's a clock ticking.

But...

Fine. I am intrigued.

You wish your brother good luck today?

Yeah.

May I be excused?

No, you may not.

And we are not gonna walk around this house all day

and not talk to each other. (Scoffs)

(Utensils clatter) Fine. You want me to speak? I'll speak.

You've completely and entirely prejudged the Upper East Side.

Maybe you shouldn't speak. Dad, I learned my lesson on my birthday.

Asher's not like those girls. He's different.

I mean, he's nice and polite and he likes animals.

Please let me go today?

So you didn't cancel?

I thought you'd change your mind.

I haven't.

(Scoffs)

Nate, I don't know about this.

I can't. I didn't even study.

Yeah, and you still made great scores

on your practice tests.

That was for fun.

Listen, there's nothing wrong with keeping your options open.

I don't think your parents are gonna be mad at you

for choosing your own path...

Unless they're related to my parents.

Okay. Right now I'm going inside,

and I'm not looking back, or I might change my mind.

(Chuckles)

Do really well. (Isabel) What?

Rough night?

Yeah, and not in a good way.

Todd doesn't wanna get back together. (Blair and Isabel) No?

But he said...

We stayed up all night having the same conversation

about why we broke up over and over again. Unbelievable. I can't believe it. Crazy.

(Isabel) Dogboy. I'm so sorry. (Hazel) Oh, my gosh. That's awful.

I got no sleep, spent the whole night crying.

(Sniffles)

Okay. Well, good luck.

Do you really think this is gonna work?

Yes, but I also believe in insurance.

(Hazel laughs) From her calculator.

You never did tell us how you got Todd to play along.

Isabel, what are you doing later tonight?

Uh, not Todd. Okay, well,

I guess I'm gonna have to come up with something else.

Dan... where's Serena?

Uh, I don't know, but I bet Chuck does.

Ugh. Well, I'll try to save a seat for her. Yeah, I'll... I'll keep calling.

Hey, Serena, it's me... A-a very worried me

concerned about a very missing you.

Hi. I'm Serena Van Der Woodsen.

How'd you do?

Uh, not my finest hour.

I finished, but... I kinda had a lot on my mind.

I'll keep calling.

Yeah. I think I know where to find her.

Hey, s. It's b.

Now I'm really worried.

I'm gonna go home and change,

and then...

(Speaking inaudibly)

Call me. Bye.

(Both continue speaking inaudibly)

(Sighs)

(Knocks on door)

Oh.

Hey. (Sighs)

Hey.

What's going on?

Um... nothing. I'm fine.

No, you're not, and you need to stop saying that.

Hey. Come here.

Where were you?

She was with me.

What he means is, we were both at home.

Um, my stomach started acting up again. Oh, okay. A food poisoning relapse?

Look, if... if... if you didn't study enough

and you're freaked out, I can... I told you. I was sick.

You paid someone else to take the s.A.T. For you,

and that's the best you can do? What are you talking about?

I'm talking about the 5-foot-nothing redhead

claiming to be Serena Van Der Woodsen.

I'm... I'm pretty sure that wasn't you. Chuck, what did you do? I told you to keep the doors open.

When I got there, they were closed. Yeah, they don't keep the doors open.

I was thinking on my feet, just trying to help.

I'm not mad. Okay, I'm just worried.

I've been so worried about you.

Please, help me understand what's going on here.

Can we talk tomorrow?

I'll call you.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, too.

Chuck, you went too far.

And so did you, sis.

Look, I feel foolish for admitting it,

but obviously, I've come late to this party.

English, please.

What's Georgina got on you? Chuck...

Dan I understand, but what's so bad you can't even tell me?

(Knock on door)

Oh, hi, sweetie.

Let me just, uh, call some room service...

I don't want you to ever contact me again.

Just because of a few nights of harmless fun?

It wasn't fun waking up and not knowing where I was,

it wasn't fun missing the s.A.T.S,

and it definitely wasn't fun lying to Dan.

And this is all my fault because...

It's my fault,

because I make huge mistakes when I'm with you.

So you want to distance yourself from your "mistakes"

by staying away from me?

You were there, too, Serena.

It was just as much you, if not more... This is not about last year. It's about last night.

Like you were just some innocent bystander

who walked in on... I'm not talking about it, Georgina! Okay?

And neither are you.

If I go down,

you go down with me.

In the meantime,

stay out of my life.

I don't need anybody in my life who doesn't want to be there.

Then we're agreed.

(Knock on door)

You must be the unity boy.

Uh, hopefully, there's not another one on his way.

Name's Asher, and I do go to unity.

(Paper bag rustles) Hi.

(Jenny) Asher?

(Chuckles) What are you doing here?

I was just gonna ask the same thing.

Uh, since you couldn't come to the hot dogs,

I'm bringing them to you.

Sorry to s-surprise you, sir.

(Chuckles) That's so sweet, especially since

my unreasonable father has grounded me for life.

(Under breath) I'm standing right here.

I wish more of my friends' parents

cared enough to ground them when they messed up.

Looks like our queen wannabe found her perfect king.

(Normal voice) Well, since you're here...

With a year's supply of hot dogs,

maybe you'd like to come in.

We hear he's a unity man.

Guess big brother's been teaching little sis

how to snag the ones with a trust fund.

Hi. (Chuckles nervously)

Oh!

Hey, buddy, there you go.

Aw! Georgie, hey!

Bad boy.

Sorry he disturbed you.

Uh, it's fine. I love dogs.

Really? Do you have any? No. Uh, we used to have a cat,

but, you know... Sister... allergies.

Now the cat... iggy... lives in Florida with my grandma.

I... he doesn't write. He never calls.

(Laughs) I'm sorry to hear that.

It's just a cat. (Laughs)

Um. I'm Sarah, by the way.

I'm Dan. Nice to meet you, Sarah.