Original subtitles

911 emergency services.

Uh, I think... I think my... I think my dad's having a heart attack.

Due to call volume, please hold for the next available dispatch...

Oh, fuck! Ugh. What the fuck!

Oh, my God.

I'm gonna be okay, son.

I just got... It's just my... My chest is, like, tight.

Uh, did you shit yourself?

-You can if you want. -What?

Uh...

Oof. Oh, he's... he's gruntin'.

He's gruntin' like an animal. He's, like, making animal sounds.

I'm talking to a fucking bot!

-Fuck. -Oh.

We need to take him to the hospital right now.

Do you... You don't have a car here, do you?

Uh, I... I could drive his truck.

No, his keys are at the bottom of the fucking lake.

What... What about... What about your Jeep?

I left it on campus.

I... stayed with him to watch tape late last night.

He... He wouldn't let me drive home.

-'Cause you're a woman? -No!

-What? -'Cause she's my kiddo.

Oh, my God. Jesus, Dad.

Coach, breath, keep breathing.

-Dad? -Oh, Wendy! Wendy.

-What about... What about Wendy? She close? -Yes. Yes. Wendy.

Just keep breathing.

-Your call has been forwarded... -Fuck!

-Fucking bitch! -...to an automatic voice...

Just fucking straight to voicemail.

Fucking... Oh, my God,

fucking answer the fucking phone.

Oh, my God. Dad!

Come on, Dad... Dad.

Ricky?

Can you get him outside?

...automatic voice messaging...

Yes.

Everything's gonna be okay.

Oh my God.

-He's coming, he's coming. -Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh...

All aboard!

It's okay, Dad.

It's gonna be okay, Dad.

It's okay.

♪ Laffy taffy, shake that laffy taffy, girl ♪

♪ Shake that laffy taffy ♪

♪ That laffy taffy, that laffy taffy, oh! ♪

I think maybe no music. Please.

Oh, okay.

Sorry. S-Sorry.

You know, none of this is mine. This is Whiskers' car.

The mascot drives a $100,000 Cybertruck?

Yeah, he... He won a settlement.

His Whiskers costume is...

There's no ventilation, so, caught fire and just...

It burned him real bad on the backside.

So, he's... He has to go one and two from the front.

Are we almost there?

Yeah.

Okay.

-It's a... It's a sensor. -How the fuck do you...

-You got... You gotta just use your thumb. -Open it!

-Alright. -Fuck!

Dad, we're here, come on.

-Come on, come on. -I can... I can help.

-We're here. You'll be okay. -Please let me help.

-Okay. -Alright.

I'ma... I'ma park. I'm... I'll... I'll meet you in there.

No, no. We're good.

I appreciate it.

♪ Bitch better have my money ♪

♪ Aw, shit ♪

Five, six, seven, eight!

♪ It ain't nothin' like Black pussy on my dick ♪

♪ Word to the motherfuckin' DJ Quik ♪

♪ I play hoes like dominoes, slapping bones ♪

♪ AMG's on the motherfuckin' microphone ♪

♪ I slang dick, bitch, nothin' more and nothin' less ♪

♪ You got a C-note, ho, you can take the test ♪

♪ And bring big fat titties and lots of back ♪

♪ You got the woody, and I got the axe ♪

♪ I'm no joke when I stroke for a client ♪

♪ Bitches need dick, so they buying it ♪

♪ G with the high-top fade ♪

I swear to fuck!

Danny, I am going to fucking kill you with a knife!

Eat a dick, Sasha!

I'm... I just need to borrow Whiskers to discuss...

-Roommate business. -Roommate business.

They're fucking, just so you know.

What happened with the interview?

Mm, they called it off.

That's good news.

Everything's good. Right?

Right?

Last night, I, Russ...

had sex with someone,

and that someone was Wendy.

Wendy Hudson.

Oh, my God.

You had sex with the coach's wife?

-It gets worse. -How?

Wendy is at the lake house.

She doesn't recognize Chad, but she tells Ricky and Coach

that she got dicked down by Russ Holliday in the fucking Cybertruck.

-Then, Coach has a heart attack. -Oh, my fucking God.

It actually continues getting worse.

-That cannot be possible. -So, Coach is in trouble,

it's just me, him and Ricky.

They have no way to get to the hospital.

He died?

No.

I had to drive him, in the Cybertruck.

No!

That's worse than him dying.

I had no choice, man.

-So, did Ricky put everything together? -I don't know.

Maybe?

I told a pretty airtight lie about the Cybertruck, but...

she sent Chad away from the hospital. She didn't want him to be there.

The Hudsons are authority figures.

They can't be seen at their most vulnerable.

I mean, he probably shit himself.

He didn't. I asked.

-You asked? -I was being polite.

Well, that's why she didn't invite you up.

It's private. You're not family.

If she knew, you would have known.

When you see Ricky next, just act like nothing's wrong,

because nothing is wrong.

Hey.

I really think we're fine.

-I just hope Coach is okay. -Totally.

However, if you had let him die...

Dude!

Yeah. That's bad.

We've learned that South Georgia head coach Jake Hudson

suffered a heart attack this morning at home.

No word yet as to his condition.

But our thoughts certainly with him, his family,

and that program.

Catfish, as we know, scheduled to play

number one Georgia in Athens this weekend in a game

that has massive and obvious national championship implications.

Catfish quarterback Chad Powers has turned some heads...

Alright, hey.

Hey, everybody circle up.

Alright, come in, listen up.

Alright, as I'm sure you've heard, uh,

Coach Hudson's in the hospital right now.

Coach Ricky stayed with him last night, so we know he's stable.

Alright? He's gonna be okay. He's gonna be alright.

Listen, guys, this is our last practice before Georgia.

So, we gotta push all the outside noise...

...and all the distractions aside

and make it count, because that's what Coa...

I'm sorry.

Um, Coach had a message

he wanted me to read for everyone.

Um...

"I'm alive. It's Georgia who's dead."

"Y'all beat 'em for me. Go Fish."

And, uh, he made sure I put three exclamation points.

Hell yeah, man. Let's fucking go, man!

Heck yeah!

-Heck yeah! -There it go.

Be great today, man.

"Fish" on three.

One, two, three!

-Fish! -Go to your position groups.

Alright, let's go! Alright, over here.

Let's go!

Oh! Gerry.

-Ricky's here. -Saw that.

She's walking toward us.

-I see that. -She looks like she wants

-to say something. -Okay, just stop narrating reality.

I'm really happy your dad's okay.

Yeah.

Um...

You're Russ Holliday.

-Can we just take a moment and... -Checkmate, dude. It's over.

-We still have moves. -No. No more moves.

No more schemes.

No more Chad.

You could appeal to Ricky.

I'm never gonna see Ricky again.

If Chad goes down, the whole team goes down.

The whole program goes down.

The Catfish miracle, 5-0? Ruined.

Wins vacated, Hudson disgraced.

-We are literally Marshall... -Danny, just stop!

If Chad goes down, Russ goes down.

You think people hate me now?

Wait till they hear about this shit.

Look, the best we can hope for is that if I disappear,

Ricky never tells anyone the truth.

It's the only move left.

Look, this is just what happens, man.

I get to the goal line, and God...

Fists you. I know.

He's got a huge fist.

And now, I have an even wider asshole.

Just sucks that your asshole got caught in the crossfire.

It's like God was fisting my ass and just...

...stuck a finger in yours.

This metaphor is so upsetting.

I don't know how far we could have taken this shit, but...

...it was always gonna end bad.

It's okay if you hate me.

I don't hate you, man.

I'm glad.

So, where are you gonna go?

Back home.

And my dad probably would've kicked me out, so...

-I guess I'm homeless. -You don't have to be.

I told you he's filming the Michael Bay movie in Atlanta.

That's only three hours away.

-So? -So, to put it in your parlance,

quit being a pussy and go see him.

At least to give him back his ugly makeup kit.

Yeah.

You don't have to go alone.

Dad?

Hey, Ricky, come here. Check this out.

If they run zero against our Jet series,

I'm thinking this... this tight end

is gonna be one-on-one with their linebacker.

No. Dad, what are we doing? This is obviously against the rules.

-What rules? -Heart attack rules.

-This is your... your vitals chart, Dad. -No! There's no...

That's not my...

-It's all on the computer now. -Sit down, please.

-Just take it easy. -Okay, fine.

Alright, sitting down.

Now what?

-How are you feeling? -Better.

How are we looking at practice?

I don't wanna talk about practice.

What are you, all Iverson now?

That's dumb.

You on drugs?

Yes.

Come on, tomorrow's the biggest game of the season.

I'm in this bed hooked up to all this shit.

Yeah, you know what's gonna kill me?

Not talking ball.

Um...

Well, if we're gonna talk about football,

then, um...

I need to talk to you about Chad.

Oh, I already know. Byrd told me.

What? He bailed at practice, he won't pick up his phone.

I figure that pisses you off.

I mean... it's...

It's not really about me.

You know, it's, uh, more of the team.

Well, look, yesterday was a shit show.

Kid got spooked, I get it.

But when that bus leaves tomorrow for Athens,

I'll bet you he's on it. You know why?

Because of you.

I don't think so, Dad.

You can't get close to these guys like that.

-It's a business. -It's not.

It's a family.

Family might be worse.

Nah. Just more complicated.

Rick.

Are you okay?

How are you asking me that?

I didn't have a heart attack.

I'm just doing my job, kid.

The only one I can do right now.

Thank you.

But you know what?

I'm getting back on that field this season.

Okay.

This is our shot.

This might be my last shot.

But with Chad...

I think we can win the whole fuckin' thing.

I didn't know making a movie involved so many trucks.

It's a vehicular medium.

What the fuck?

Dobbs is leaving a voicemail.

Look, it's transcribing it.

Those are scary words to see typed out.

Oh, he's pissed, but at least he still thinks I'm Chad.

-Has Ricky called you? -No.

My dad's gotta be around here somewhere.

-What's he look like? -He's like an older skinny guy.

Russell?

Dad?

What the hell are you doing here?

You're fat.

Did you get fat 'cause you missed me?

It's a fat suit, dumb-ass.

I'm testing it out for Santa Ana.

The Mexican general? Was he obese?

No, he was not.

But it's the look that Michael Bay wants for his villain.

So who is he?

Oh, this is...

my friend.

Oh! Well, I'm glad you finally made one of those.

Okay, well, I happened to be in the neighborhood...

In the neighborhood of Georgia?

And I thought I'd return your makeup kit.

Here it is.

-We're even. -Oh, no, we're absolutely not even.

-Okay, whatever. -Oh, wait.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Mr. Holliday, have you heard of Chad Powers?

-No. -He's a college football player.

-I don't know him. -Actually, you do.

-Is this EcoFlex? -We had to sub with Dragon Skin.

I mean, that looks great.

I mean, you were playing quarterback, actually winning games...

while posing as a different human being?

Yeah.

Son, that must have been so much work.

It was.

It's just that I've never seen you work hard at... anything.

Why did you do it?

I don't know.

Powers, off balance.

Rockets the ball down the field. Touchdown!

This young man has completely turned things around

for South Georgia.

Powers has Leonard in the end zone. Touchdown!

If Powers wasn't in the Heisman conversation before,

he certainly is now.

I haven't seen you smile like that since before Mom died.

I think I...

I wanted to be Chad 'cause I...

hated bein' Russ.

I just wanted to hide and play football again.

And people actually liked Chad.

Chad actually liked people.

And all my team...

my coaches...

they all believed in me.

And Chad just didn't wanna let 'em down.

I'm sorry I stole your makeup and ran away.

I'm sorry I was so mean to that sick kid and his dad.

I'm sorry I dropped the football at the Rose Bowl.

I didn't mean to. I just got excited.

Bein' Chad was nice.

I wasn't so sad all the time.

Well, do you really have to stop being him?

Yeah.

Yeah. One of my coaches found out, so...

-The coach he has a crush on. -What?

-It's a female coach. -Oh.

Anyway, I fucked up.

It's over, I don't know if she's told anybody yet, but, uh...

Well, if I forgive you...

and I do...

then maybe she can, too.

It's too late.

They're already on their way to Athens.

-When's the game start? -4:30.

You can still make it.

Dad...

I came here to give you your makeup back.

Maybe you ought to keep it.

♪ I've lost friends ♪

♪ And I've lost heroes ♪

♪ I lost everything I am, even my name ♪

♪ Been going through changes ♪

♪ And finding clarity ♪

♪ And comfort in just knowin' nothin' ever stays the same ♪

♪ They don't tell you when you're born ♪

♪ It's gonna be this way ♪

♪ They don't tell you till you die it's all a sham ♪

♪ They don't ask you what your name is ♪

♪ When you get up to heaven ♪

♪ And thank God ♪

♪ I couldn't tell her if I had to ♪

♪ Who I am ♪

♪ I couldn't tell her if I had to, who I am ♪

♪ I couldn't tell her if I had to, who I am ♪

...the South Georgia Catfish in our Georgia bowl.

With Chad AWOL, the ball's in your hands, Gerry.

How you feel?

I'm ready to die on that field.

Yeah, well, you're probably gonna get your wish.

Just finish getting suited up.

-What you doing? -Snapping a mental photograph.

This is the greatest moment of my life.

I... I don't... I don't even know what to do.

We're gonna get our shit pushed in.

What a beautiful day here at Sanford Stadium,

where 92,000 Georgia Bulldog fans have arrived.

And it's time to find out what the upstart...

Aw, hey there, Coach.

-Tricia! -Ugh!

Wait, wh... why aren't you in Athens?

I couldn't let our ball coach watch the game alone

in this disgustin' hospital.

I don't think I've ever been in one of these.

-Really? -It ironically makes me sick.

Yeah, well, this is where you go when the...

when the Big Man fires you.

I genuinely do not believe I will ever die.

And neither will you.

At least not yet, hm?

Alright, turn it up.

What you got to eat, huh?

-Uh... -Chicken poppers, or...

I can try to order something.

I don't think you can smoke in here.

Oh, Coach. I can smoke anywhere.

Still no word on the status

of the Catfish star quarterback, Chad Powers.

He's been listed as a game-time decision.

-Come on, Rick. -Powers may have snuck up on teams at...

What are you doing?

Ricky.

Sorry, I didn't... I didn't mean to jump-scare you.

I came to the bus lookin' for my jersey and...

I saw your face, and...

you're who I was really lookin' for.

Why are you still doing... the voice?

What voice? This is my voice.

No, it's not.

It's not. Stop using it.

Sorry.

Can we talk?

How's your dad?

He's okay. He's hanging in there.

That's good.

I'm glad.

I'm sorry about all this.

I didn't know who Wendy was.

Obviously.

Russ did that.

I'm Russ.

But I'm also, and...

I have been this whole time, Chad.

I'm...

Chad Powers.

Chad's not just on the outside, he's...

he's real, he's...

Five-and-oh. It's real.

This team is real.

The Catfish winning this game, winning your dad a natty,

us all doing it together, that's real.

The realest part about this whole goddamn thing...

it's how I feel about you, Coach.

Can I...

Can I touch your face?

Yeah.

Oh!

How fucking dare you come here and say this bullshit!

-Please, Coach. -No, shut the fuck up.

I am not your coach. I'm not your fucking coach.

You're not even on this fucking team.

-You lying psycho! -I'm not a psychopath. I swear...

Yes, you are. You're a fucking nutcase!

"Oh, oh, oh, I'm Chad.

"Oh, I'm Chad. I'm just gonna eat a deer

-and fuck Coach's wife!" -I didn't know it was his wife!

Underneath this... this fucking gooey shit,

you... you are just a pathetic,

disgusting,

iconic loser.

I know! Why do you think I wanted to be someone else?

'Cause your brain is fucked up!

You're fucking diseased.

-You almost murdered my dad! -Then I saved him!

And then you murdered my fucking friend.

Chad was my friend, and now he's gone.

-He's not gone. -He's gone. He is.

Chad is...

He's here, he's... His feelings for you are real.

It's real.

You wanna know what I feel for Russ?

It's that feeling that I wish

after that Rose Bowl where you single-fucking-handedly lost

a national championship...

...I wish that you would have just killed yourself.

Please move, so I can get off this bus.

If you don't stay away from this team,

I will tell the whole world.

I will burn you to pieces.

No, you won't.

What?

I said, I don't think you'll tell everybody about me.

No, try me, asshole.

If you out Chad...

our wins will be vacated, this season will be done.

Playing with a fake, ineligible quarterback,

program will get the death penalty.

Since Coach Hudson's the one who pulled the strings to enroll me...

he'll be the one to take the fall.

You won't just burn me down.

You'll burn everything.

Including your dad.

Or...

we can keep winning... as a team.

Your call, Coach.

I hate you.

I know.

With the power of hard work...

friendship...

and our Lord, we can accomplish anything!

Fish on me!

Fish on me!

Thank fuck.

Hey, Catfish.

Welcome back, Powers.

-Yeah, I'm sorry, I... -Ah.

It's alright, we'll let it slide this one time.

Uh...

no, we won't.

Everyone thinks Chad can just...

...just fucking walk in here and play?

What the fuck, man?

This is so fucked up!

Where the fuck were you, Chad?

I've been here cleaning up for five fucking years.

Where have you fucking been?

Yeah, I... I say the F-word now. Get used to it.

Where were you, motherfucker?!

My garage door opener...

it's... it caught a virus and...

They're mechanical! Jesus Christ!

Do you believe any of this bullshit?!

Hey!

Chad had a medical emergency.

He had a mental health event and we took care of it.

But it's a private matter, and that's where we're gonna leave it.

Okay? But Chad's here.

He's starting.

And we're gonna beat Georgia for Coach Hudson!

Let's go!

Let's go!

-Let's go. -Fish on me!

"Fish" on three.

-One, two, three. -Fish!

Fish, Fish, Fish, Fish!

-Fish, Fish, Fish, Fish, Fish, Fish. -He goes!

-Fish, Fish, Fish, what? -He goes!

-He goes! -What?

-He goes! -What?

-He goes! -What?

-He goes! -What?

-He goes! -What?

Woo!

...South Georgia Catfish.