Original subtitles

♪ There is more to life Than what you're living ♪

♪ So take a chance And face the wind ♪

♪ An open road And a road that's hidden ♪

♪ A brand-new life Around the bend ♪

♪ There were times ♪

♪ I lost a dream or two ♪

♪ Found the trail ♪

♪ And at the end was you ♪

♪ There's a path we take And a path not taken ♪

♪ The choice is up to you My friend ♪

♪ Nights are long But you might awaken ♪

♪ To a brand-new life A brand-new life ♪

♪ A brand-new life Around the bend ♪♪

Well, you're doing a great job

with that map, honey.

What's it made out of?

Flour, water, and salt.

Yeah, and garlic and a pinch of oregano.

It's a map of Italy.

Hi, extended family! Hi.

Guess what?

What? Look, Mom.

Oh, honey, what a nice boot.

I am going to be on television.

When? You're kidding.

No. Eye on Hartford wants to do a story on me.

You know, busy career woman,

still has time for home and family.

But, Mom, it's not a...

Not now, sweetheart. I'm talking.

Maybe you should call Mommy's appointment secretary.

I'm sorry, honey. What did you want to show me?

See, it's a map of Italy.

Well, yes, indeed, it is, and it looks very authentic.

It even smells authentic.

Oregano. Ah.

Was there something else you wanted to show me?

No. You can talk about yourself now.

Thank you. Where was I?

Eye on Hartford.

I love that lady that does that show, Bobbie Barnes.

Well, she does these wonderful interviews

with witty, fascinating people.

And they're not doing that anymore?

Hey, hey, hey, I'm telling you, it's a great show,

and each segment takes 12 minutes.

I can time my muffins by them.

They sent a film crew over to the office

this afternoon, and while they were there,

I approved the storyboard for Alfalfa Puffs,

I dealt with a personnel crisis between two vice-presidents,

and then I fielded phone call after phone call.

Sometimes, even two at once.

My God!

They can show that on television?

Keep it up, Mother.

I won't let you stay tonight when Bobbie Barnes comes over.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, whoa, whoa.

Wait a minute.

Bobbie Barnes is coming here tonight?

Mm-hmm. She's coming to set things up for tomorrow,

meet my family, and check out my home.

Angela, I'm your housekeeper.

I think I should have received prior notice on her arrival.

Gee.

Don't worry. The house looks fine.

I know that.

I was just wondering, maybe I should get a haircut.

There she is.

Okay, everybody act natural, okay?

How's this?

Compared to what?

Miss Barnes, please come in.

I'm looking for Angela Bower.

I'm Angela Bower.

Remember,

we spent five hours together in my office today?

Alfalfa Puffs, corporate decisions...

Oh, right.

You look so different without a phone in your ear.

You have a beautiful home.

Is it paid for?

You can get back to me on that one.

And I suppose this is your husband?

Hi. Uh-uh-uh...

Would you like to get back to me

on that one too?

No, no, Miss Barnes.

I'm Tony Micelli. I'm the housekeeper here.

Of course you are.

And I'm Geraldo Rivera.

Miss Barnes,

I'd like to introduce you to the rest of the family.

Bobbie Barnes, this is my son Jonathan.

Well, Jonathan,

how do you feel about your mommy being

on Eye on Hartford?

Grandma says it's just a local show.

But a very good one.

Hi. I'm Mona Robinson.

Yes, this is my mother.

Well, we all have to be something.

My goodness, you look different on television.

I guess those bright lights really do wash the wrinkles out.

Uh... uh... next...

Next, we have my housekeeper's daughter,

Samantha Micelli.

Why, Samantha.

My goodness, this must be a special occasion for you,

getting to sit in the living room

with the rest of the family.

Huh?

Yes. If she eats all her gruel,

we let her sit on the couch for 10 minutes.

Yeah. Hey, Miss Barnes, let me...

Oh, please, call me Bobbie.

Yeah?

Okay, Bobbie, I want you to know,

I catch your show every day on my kitchen TV.

You know, I pass the time while my dough is rising.

Ooh.

Uh, Miss Barnes,

don't you have any questions you'd like to ask me?

As a matter of fact, I have.

Where did you find this housekeeper?

Mom, do we have to stay here for this?

No, sweetheart, you can go and watch some television.

Goodie!

Public television.

You said we could watch Nightmare Theater.

No, no, darling.

But they're playing "Valley Ghouls."

That's enough.

Sweetheart.

Come on, Jonathan.

Let's go upstairs and play Scrabble.

It's an educational game.

She's cute. That's my daughter.

Now that the kids are gone, who cares who found him?

Who gets him now?

Hey, uh, look, Bobbie,

around here, I keep house. I don't play it.

Oh, what a waste.

Well, I suppose we should save some of this excitement

for tomorrow.

I'll be by in the morning with the crew

and we'll follow you

as you start your dreary day.

Uh, could you spice it up a little tomorrow, Eleanor?

Angela.

I guess it's too late to change it.

Ooh.

"Ooh."

Come on, Prudence.

Let's take a shortcut through the galleria.

Oh, totally awesome.

No! No, no, Prudence! Don't go through the galleria.

This movie is stupid.

You can't cut someone's throat with a credit card.

I'm going to bed.

Good night, sweetheart. Good night.

And remember, the ghouls may be dead...

or they may be moving to a shopping mall near you.

Holy mackerel.

Man, that was scarier than I thought.

Are you sure you're gonna be okay?

Me, afraid of ghouls?

Come on, Dad. I had Sister Mary Theresa

for math.

Angela... Hmm?

Angela, I was thinking,

perhaps I should spend the night over here.

I mean, it's such a long way home.

Mother, your apartment is across the driveway.

Angela, if she's scared, let her stay here.

I-I'm not scared. I just thought

it would be nice to be here in the morning

when the TV people come.

I should have known. Of course you can stay.

I'll just take the couch.

Oh, you don't have to do that.

There's a double bed in my room.

Ooh.

Mother!

No, I meant I'll take Jonathan in my room,

and she can have his.

Well, that's not the best offer I've ever had,

but then, of course, it's not the worst, either.

Mother?

Mm?

Are you sure you're really not scared?

No, I'm not scared.

I just want to be here with my family...

just in case a bat flies in the window

and starts sucking blood from my neck.

Oh, Mother!

No!

No, don't go through the galleria.

No... No!

Dad?

Dad, can I sleep in here?

What are you doing here?

Where am I?

What's the matter?

Nothing. I had a nightmare.

Jonathan, you look terrible.

Get some sleep.

Angela?

Angela.

Yo, Angela!

What? What is it? What's the matter?

I had a bad dream. Can I sleep with you?

Oh, yeah, sure, honey.

Come on. Climb in.

S... S... S... Samantha, honey.

Honey, you want to...

I'll go sleep in her room.

Tony? Tony?

Watch out for the credit card...

No, watch out.

What? What is it? What's the matter?

Samantha had a nightmare.

I think she wants you to sleep with her.

Oh, yeah?

I'd better go check on her.

Okay.

You go and get some sleep, Tiger.

Okay.

Oh. I'll go see how she is.

Sam? Sam, honey, it's me.

I'm here, babe.

It's all right, sweetheart.

It's okay. It's all right.

Oh. Oh, hi. Come on in.

Is your mom here?

Is your mom here?

She's upstairs.

Okay.

Well, I suppose we might as well go up

and see how our career girl starts her day.

Does she floss before or after brushing?

I can't wait to find out.

Ted Koppel never had to put up with this.

Good morning, Tony.

Morning, Angela.

What are you doing here?

Nothing, I swear.

Oh!

What are you doing here?

Samantha had a nightmare, and she crawled into bed with me

and then she took all the covers.

I didn't want to wake her up, so I took her bed.

Well, Jonathan told me Samantha had a nightmare,

so I came in here to comfort her.

Well, she's in my bed.

Well, I didn't know that.

I mean, I came in here,

and it was just a lump underneath the covers.

Don't you think that my lump is different than hers?

I'm gonna pass on that one.

Come on, Angela,

it was just an innocent mistake.

I guess you're right.

It'll be our little secret.

When I saw you, I just...

You know what? I'll tell you what.

I'll go downstairs

and make you your favorite Belgian waffles.

Oh, great.

I just love when you put whipped cream on them.

Good morning.

We... We'll be right back.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Don't go away.

What are we going to do?

Did you ever jump from a second-storey window?

No. No, but it's never too late to learn.

What's going on here?

It's early in the morning,

and we're outside the bedroom

of plucky career gal Angela Bower,

who just made an appearance with her housekeeper,

the very attractive Tony Micelli.

Well, I'll be darned.

Good morning, Connecticut.

Ah, here they are now.

Well, good morning, Angela.

You certainly look chipper.

Would you like to tell us how you start your day?

Well, you're really going to laugh

when you hear this.

You'd better hope so, dear.

When Tony crawled into bed with me,

he thought he was getting into bed

with somebody else.

Oh, you did spend the night together.

Ooh, what a nice tattoo.

Oh, thank you.

Um, no, no.

In fact, we all watched a scary movie together

last night,

and then her mother stayed over.

Oh, you thought you were getting into bed

with her mother?

This may be too tacky even for me.

Nah.

Well, Goldilocks, who's been sleeping in your bed?

Look, Miss Barnes.

You know, you march in here with your cameras

and you turn a harmless little family situation

into something foul and unspeakable.

I mean, sure we were in the same room,

but even the constitution guarantees freedom of assembly.

America has had enough of your yellow television.

I think this interview is over.

What do you have to say about that?

My, didn't we get up on the wrong side of the bed

this morning.

Angela, did you get in touch with your lawyer?

I told him the whole ridiculous story,

how nothing was happening and she viciously maligned us.

Yeah? What did he say?

"Get out of town."

And I might as well, too.

When the TV show airs, there'll be a big scandal.

I'll be drummed out of the advertising business.

Oh, come on.

I mean, how bad could it be?

How many people watch a little TV station

from Connecticut?

Not more than two or three million.

Everyone will think I'm sleeping with my housekeeper.

You could do worse.

And has.

If my office calls,

would you please tell them that I'm on my way?

I guess the Belgian Waffles are out, huh?

Miss Barnes, about this morning.

You're trying to get me not to air that tape, aren't you?

Well, you know, I was hoping you'd see...

If you're thinking of coming on to me, forget it.

It won't work.

Well, I wasn't going to do that.

Okay, it might work.

Miss Barnes, you can't air that tape.

Tony, I am a journalist.

People want to know the truth.

Yeah, well, that's just it.

The truth is nothing happened.

They don't want to know that.

What about Angela, though? What about her feelings?

I mean, she's a nice person.

This is going to ruin her career.

Doesn't that mean anything to you?

Actually, not a heck of a lot.

My, my, my, my, my, my.

If it isn't Brenda Starr.

Have you two reached some sort of an agreement?

We might have if you hadn't walked in.

Tony, I have a window that's stuck

in my apartment.

Could you open it for me?

Mona, it's the middle of the winter.

Yes, but I thought if you started now,

it'd be ready for spring.

Oh, I get it.

So, yeah, I'll go fix the window

so you two can have a little chat.

This should be better than mud wrestling. See you.

Well, I'll be going too.

Oh, must you?

We have so much to talk about.

We do?

Yes. Yes, we do, Bobbie.

You see, I was just down at the station

talking to the general manager.

Handsome devil, huh?

And you know, Bobbie,

I just couldn't help thinking

that I've seen him somewhere before.

Mona, it's no good.

I have complete autonomy over the content of my show.

That's exactly what he said.

Well, then, I think that brings this conversation to a close.

Okay.

Let's talk about something else.

How about Stowe, Vermont?

You see, I just remembered where I had seen him.

Stowe, Vermont.

Have you ever been there?

Get to the point, Mona.

I think I'm there, Bobbie.

And so were you.

Isn't that a coincidence?

When was that? Let me see...

Oh yes, that was way, way back

when you were a weather bunny.

I was a meteorologist bunny.

Whatever.

And also, that was just about a month

before you got your own show.

Another coincidence.

But of course, the general manager, your boss,

was probably there with his lovely wife

and two adorable children.

I wonder if I should go back and ask him.

What do you think?

Uh...

You want to get back to me on that one?

Yo, Angela, come on. Hurry up.

It's almost time for Eye on Hartford.

Do I have to watch?

Come on, sit down.

Look here.

The condemned woman ate a hearty cookie.

How can you be so calm?

Well, it's not my disgusting personal life

that's about to hit the airwaves.

Hello, and welcome to Eye on Hartford.

Tonight, we'll be taking a close look

at some of the bizarre sexual habits

of a well-known Connecticut native...

Mother, hold my hand.

The praying mantis...

Right after this word from our sponsor...

What happened?

What happened? Where's my disgusting life?

Mona...

what went on here today with Bobbie?

Bobbie was here today? What happened?

Angela, you just have to know how to talk to people,

to be tactful and persuasive and...

a little blackmail doesn't hurt.

Mona, you're terrific. You're terrific.

And so sneaky.

You let us go through that?

Why didn't you tell us? What?

And ruin all my fun?

Well, I must say I'm just glad they didn't air it.

Thank you, Mother.

Oh, Angela, you're my daughter.

Do you think that I'm going to sit idly by

while someone makes your life miserable?

That's my job.

Oh, Mother.

This is Bobbie Barnes bidding a fond farewell to our friend,

the praying mantis...

and all of Connecticut's other kinky little critters.

And you know who you are.

See that, Angela?

She mentioned you after all.

You know, Tony, we never really did talk

about last night.

Oh, well, come on.

Hey, Angela, come on. I was half asleep.

I walked into the room, you were all curled up

underneath the covers there.

You looked so... so cu... Curled up.

And I was completely under the covers.

Oh, yeah, completely. Completely.

Anyway, when I got in, I stayed on my side of the bed.

How do you know that?

What do you mean?

How do you know you didn't roll over...

or something?

I didn't.

That's how come I know. I didn't.

Anyway, how do you know you didn't roll over...

or something?

I didn't.

Can we just drop this?

Of course.

Um... What?

Nah.

What is it? Nah.

What?

Did you dream anything?

Well, I don't remember.

No, I guess not.

Did you?

Me? I don't dream.

I don't dream.