Original subtitles

♪ There is more to life Than what you're living ♪

♪ So take a chance And face the wind ♪

♪ An open road And a road that's hidden ♪

♪ A brand-new life Around the bend ♪

♪ There were times ♪

♪ I lost a dream or two ♪

♪ Found the trail ♪

♪ At the end was you ♪

♪ There's a path we take And a path not taken ♪

♪ The choice is up to you My friend ♪

♪ Nights are long But you might awaken ♪

♪ To a brand-new life Brand-new life ♪

♪ Brand-new life Around the bend ♪♪

Okay, here we go, guys.

Animal pancakes!

See? Mine's a horse. Uh-huh.

What did I get?

You got a shark.

See, just when you thought

it was safe to go back into the kitchen, huh?

Oh, Tony, it's almost time to take me to the station.

Oh, Angela, I can't.

You know, my aerobics group is coming today.

You always drive yourself on Tuesdays.

Oh, I forgot and I made plans to have the Jaguar painted.

Is the station wagon finished yet?

No, uh... I still got all the tires off,

and I'm giving it a lube job.

I do not see why we cannot let them do that

down at the garage.

Angela, you don't get your best money value

at a place called Giorgio's Auto Boutique.

That guy charges 20 bucks a spark plug.

I know,

but he serves chilled Chablis while you wait.

Angela, this is a really important class.

I mean, housekeepers around here,

they can't afford those fancy health clubs.

And anyway, after I'm finished with them,

they'll be lean, mean, cleaning machines.

Right.

And, uh, Tony?

How does Mrs. Wilmington's maid look in a leotard?

Phoebe?

Not too shabby.

Good morning to you.

Hey, Mona.

Hey! Hi, Mother.

Can you give me a ride to the station?

I'd be happy to, dear.

Want to pedal or sit on the handlebars?

Where's your car?

My car is down at Giorgio's

getting the air changed in its tires.

You know, hey. I hear that's great air.

It's imported from France.

Here. Take my van.

Tony, I cannot show up at the station

in a '67 van with a bumper sticker that says

"Hot to trot."

Angela, take the van.

I guess I don't have a choice

if I want to get the Jaguar painted.

What color are we painting it, Mom?

Well, I don't know, sweetheart.

I was thinking maybe about light beige,

but then I thought maybe I'd go a little bolder,

with dark beige.

Don't lose your head, Angela.

Yeah, hey, Angela, why don't you do something hot,

like red.

Ooh...

Yeah, red! Like a fire engine!

I can see you now.

You're tooling down

the Hutchinson River Parkway, right.

Your sun-roof is down,

your hair's flying in the wind,

the stereo's blasting...

Really? Yeah, you know... You know, inside

that conservative advertising executive,

I think there's a racy blonde

trying to get out.

Light beige.

Just don't park it at the beach. You'll never find it.

Come on, Mom. Red'll be fun.

Red?

Go for it, Angela.

Yeah, do something daring.

Oh... All right.

Sandalwood.

We've driven her over the edge, Mona.

She's run amok.

That's right, ladies, just like you vacuum.

Five, six, seven, eight...

Blood was made to circulate.

Doing good, Viv. You're doing good.

Ooh, Desiree, shake it but don't break it.

You're certainly holding your end up.

Phoebe, Phoebe. Whoo!

Oh, baby. All right, girls.

Okay, let's finish strong.

Like we're under the couch now.

Down now. Vacuum under that couch.

Here we go.

One, two, three, four.

It's fun to suck lint from the floor.

Five, six, seven, eight,

blood was meant to circulate!

One, two, three, four... five, six...

Come on in, girls.

Make yourself at home. Hey.

The living room? Really?

Yeah.

You mean she lets you entertain in here?

Of course. I'm like one of the family.

You know, Angela and I are very close.

Oh, I get it. Like, uh...

Oh, hey, hey. No. No.

You don't fool around with your boss.

That's a cardinal rule.

Uh-oh.

Hey, Micelli,

this is just between us girls... Yeah?

You must have some gripes, right?

Yeah. I got some gripes.

I mean the Knicks don't look too good this year.

Hey, Tony, hasn't she ever

called you on the phone

right in the middle of General Hospital?

No. I don't watch General Hospital.

And you call yourself a maid?!

I call myself a housekeeper, ladies.

You'll find out. She thinks of you as a maid.

No, no, not Angela. I'm telling you, it's different.

It's like we're friends.

You're a maid just like the rest of us.

Cross her, and she'll let you know who's boss.

Oh, I'll get the door.

I got it, ladies.

You're right, oh!

Oh, Mr. Bower?

Oh, no, I'm Micelli. I'm Mrs. Bower's, uh...

I'm the man of the house.

Well, I'm the man from Eastport Paint and Body.

I'm here to pick up Mrs. Bower's Jaguar MX8266.

Are you sure you're authorized to release it?

Come on in. It's right in the back drive.

I got the keys right here.

Here's the keys. A-ha.

Sign right here. All right.

Heh.

Thanks. Oh, uh...

Did she decide on a color?

We have light beige 101, dark beige 102,

or is she going to bust out

with sandalwood 103?

I think you'd better call her, Tony.

I don't have to call her, Viv.

We're gonna go with 1100. Diablo red.

Oooh! Yeah! Ooh!

That's great, Tony. Great.

Oh.

Mother. Mother!

No, no, Mother. Mother, wake up.

Sorry.

You have a biology test tomorrow.

Okay, shoot.

What do they call it

when an organism reproduces without sex?

Hardly worth the trouble.

Oh, Grandma.

I'm selling candy bars for the Indian Guides.

Yeah, and the tribe that sells the most cases

wins three days and two fun-filled nights

in a teepee at Cockaponset State Forest.

Does that include the continental breakfast?

Okay, I'll take one.

Here you go. One case, 20 bucks.

Twenty bucks? That's highway robbery.

I'll get it. Okay.

Well, don't look at me. You fell for it.

Oh, hi, Mrs. Wilmington.

Sorry about your rose bushes.

Why? What happened?

Oh, never mind. See ya.

Hi, Diane. What seems to be the problem?

Angela, I don't want you to think

that I just drop in to complain all the time.

Oh, Diane, she knows that's not true.

You missed Wednesday.

Well, I just want to be a good neighbor.

Well, that's wonderful, Diane,

because Jonathan is selling candy

for the Indian Guides.

Would you like one?

Oh, sure, I'll buy one.

Good.

Here. One case, 25 bucks.

Uh, was there something else you wanted?

Well, yes, now that you mention it,

my housekeeper, Phoebe, is dissatisfied.

Did you talk to Mr. Wilmington?

We know what the problem is, and it's not just Phoebe.

It's all the other housekeepers in the neighborhood.

They feel that you've given

too many special privileges to your live-in...

Housekeeper.

Whatever.

Did I say this chocolate was 25?

It's 30.

Uh, Diane, would you like a glass of sherry?

How much is it?

It's on the house. Oh, oh, sure, thanks.

You know, Angela, you're spoiling Tony,

and you're making it tough for the rest of us.

Well, I'm sorry

you're having a problem with Phoebe, Diane,

but that's not my fault...

No-no-no-no, there is a fine line

between an employer and an employee,

and once they step over it, well, there's trouble.

Well, nobody is stepping over any lines here.

I'm sorry, Diane. We seem to be out of sherry.

Oh, that's all right, dear.

Perhaps she would like a saucer of milk.

Oh, hello, Mrs. Wilmington. How are you?

Tony, do we have any sherry?

It's on the list.

Don't you remember, we killed it the other night

watching Rosemary's Baby.

We?

Oh, yeah, hey. It's a scary movie.

You don't think I want to see it alone.

Yes, well...

How about a little chilled white wine?

No, thanks.

Oh, no, I'm only kidding. I'm only kidding.

Three white wines coming up. Hey!

Oh, here.

Whee!

Whee. Whee.

In your face.

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy!

I can't wait till she comes home.

I hope she's surprised. Don't worry, Dad.

She'll be surprised.

It's the reddest red I've ever seen in my life!

Can we get a siren?

Hey, Smoky. Take it easy, huh.

That's your mother's prize Jaguar,

not some fire engine.

Gee.

Hey... what a beautiful car!

You like it, Mona?

Whoo! I love that color.

But, what happened?

I mean, when I left here yesterday,

I could've sworn Angela was dead set against red.

Oh... Is that how you saw it?

Yeah.

I mean, how in the world did you talk her into it?

Well, there might be some talking left to do.

You mean... Yeah, Grandma. It's a surprise!

Oh, it's a surprise.

Yeah, surprise.

Like General Custer planned for Sitting Bull?

Hey, Mona, you got this all wrong.

I mean, look.

She went from light beige to dark beige to sandalwood

just like that.

I mean, from there, what is it,

a hop, skip and a jump to diablo red, right?

Well, I guess maybe you're right.

I know I am. And it is a terrific color.

It's awesome!

She's gonna love it.

I can't wait to see her face.

Whoo-hoo-hoo.

Oh, Tony!

I've got homework to do.

Me too.

Yeah, me too.

In the backyard? Yeah.

Have a nice day at the office?

Tony, what can you tell me

about the red Jaguar that's in the driveway

with my license plates on it?

A little paint really picked that buggy up, huh?

I was hoping you could tell me

that the garage had made a horrendous mistake

which even now, as we speak,

they are rushing over to rectify at no additional charge.

I could tell you that. I could tell you that.

It wouldn't be the truth, but I could tell you...

Angela, I wanted to say sandalwood,

but it just kinda came out red.

You told them to do this?

Well, you know,

you were sort of intrigued with the idea, right?

I mean, going down the parkway,

the sunroof, the singing, Chaka Khan on...

I said sandalwood.

The color of wood or the color of sandals,

but not the color of that.

Well, maybe I could pay to have it...

Fifteen hundred dollars.

You won't believe this, but it's gonna work out perfect.

I mean, by the time I can afford it,

you'll need a paint job.

Who...?

Who do you think you are?!

There is a line between employer and employee,

and you just crossed over it!

Hey, wait a minute.

No, you wait a minute.

I don't pay you to make decisions around here.

I pay you to do the damn floors.

You are just the maid around here

and don't you forget it!

Okay, Tony.

I've calmed down, and I'm willing to listen

if there's anything you want to say to me.

Good evening, Mrs. Bower, ma'am.

What?

Dinner will be served momentarily.

What are you doing?

Just my job, ma'am.

Oh, I see,

and that's why you're wearing that getup.

Uh, why are there only two places?

One for you, and one for Master Jonathan.

The hired help will eat in the kitchen...

where we belong.

Oh, come on, Tony, knock it off.

No, no, Mrs. Bower.

When you're right, you're right.

We have to watch that line between employer and employee.

Allow me, madam.

Hi, stud.

Good evening, Mrs. Robinson.

Thirty-three, forty-four.

This must be the place.

May I take your wrap?

My God.

It's The Invasion of the Body Snatchers!

What did you do with the guy that belongs in there?

Huh?

I'm sorry, madam. I'm just... the maid.

I take it that the lady of the manor

did not care for the color of her carriage.

Mother, butt out.

This is between me and... Jeeves.

We're starving.

Yeah, what's for dinner?

Well, you and... your mum

will be supping on prime rib of beef,

Yorkshire pudding and baby peas.

We'll be having franks and beans in the kitchen.

Well, how come I can't have franks and beans?

Your station in life, sir.

This seems to me like a good night

to take you both out for pizza.

Yay! Yeah!

Hey, huh.

Why is it always the children that have to suffer?

Don't start that car without me!

The madam will be dining alone?

Okay, Tony, okay, you've made your point.

Can we just go back to normal now?

Normal, ma'am?

You know... like you used to be.

You know. "Hey, yo, whoa, hey."

"A-O... O-A?"

Will there be anything else, madam?

Tony, if you don't stop this right now, I'm gonna kill you!

Dinner is served.

If you need anything...

You rang?

Angela.

How long is this going to go on?

There's nothing but silence and bell-ringing around here.

It's like a Trappist monastery.

Yes, madam?

You may clear now.

I hope the tea was to your liking.

Thank you.

If there's nothing else,

I'll repair to the garage for my workout.

Uh, Tony.

If you're going to serve tea in that outfit,

perhaps you should shave under your arms.

Yes, mum.

Angela, how long are you going to go on

playing Upstairs, Downstairs?

Well, you have to admit the service is great.

You are behaving like a child.

Well, he started it. What do you want me to do?

Apologize to him.

Me? He painted my car like a fire engine!

I know. Isn't it wonderful?

He had no right to do what he did.

You're right, he didn't.

But, look, a car is a hunk of metal,

and Tony is a person with feelings.

Of course, he's also a hunk.

He went too far.

And you didn't?

I didn't mean to.

Then why don't you go out there

and talk to him, hmm?

Oh, Mother.

As always, you enjoy being... Right.

Hi, Angela. Here's the $30 for the candy.

Thanks, Diane.

We'll call off the collection agency.

Oh, thanks, Diane. Goodbye.

Yes, well, thanks for dropping by.

Actually, now that I'm here, I understand

you're having a little domestic problem.

Nothing I can't handle.

Well, word on the street is

Tony's just not happy with you anymore.

Well, I guess you pick up a lot

walking the streets.

Diane, if Tony's not happy, he's free to leave.

Oh, terrific. Where can I find him?

Cleveland.

Mother.

Tony is free to speak with whomever he wishes.

He is a grown man, more or less.

He's out in the garage. Thanks, Angela.

Oh, and by the way, I love your car.

Angela, that woman

is planning on using blatant sex appeal on Tony.

Now, you have to get out there and fight fire with fire.

On second thought, maybe I'd better go.

Knock, knock...

Knock, knock?

Round one.

Hi, Mrs. Wilmington.

Uh, how you doing? Mrs. Bower's in the house.

Oh, yeah, I know,

but she told me I could find you out here.

Don't tell me you want to join my aerobics class.

Well, no.

Actually, I just came from my exercise class.

Well, you certainly have some interesting equipment.

Likewise, I'm sure...

I mean, thanks.

You know, Tony, I understand

you used to be a ball player.

Yeah, yeah... I, uh...

I played minor leagues in Tidewater,

and I was traded to the Cubs... To the Cards.

Oh. Well, you know,

I've been thinking of a little trade myself.

A trade? What do you want to trade?

Phoebe... for you.

Mm-hm.

A trade, eh? Dead even?

No draft pick to be named later...

Tony, I'm serious.

I want you to come work for me.

Unless there's some arrangement

keeping you here.

No, I'm a free agent. But what happened to Phoebe?

I thought you were so happy with her.

Not as happy as my husband.

Well, you know that Phoebe. She's a great maid.

She gives everything she's got.

Well, I think it might work out well

for everyone involved.

I understand you're having a little problem with Angela.

Well, we went a couple of rounds,

but I think it's gonna blow over.

She said you were free to leave.

She said that?

Nah, she didn't say that.

Hey, even if she said that, she didn't mean that.

She really said that?

She obviously doesn't appreciate you.

Why stay some place

where there's so much tension?

It is getting a little tense around here, you know?

There are ways to relieve tension.

Lots of ways.

How many ways?

Hello.

Oh, hi, Angela.

Working up a little sweat, Diane?

Uh, is there anything you wanted, Mrs. Bower, ma'am?

Yes, Tony, as a matter of fact there is.

If Mrs. Wilmington has come up with an offer

that you somehow find...

attractive,

I think you should go ahead and take it.

You do?

Absolutely.

See, Tony, I told you.

Feel free to leave. Any time.

As soon as we settle up that $1,500 for the paint job.

Well, gee, I told you

I ain't got that kind of money. I...

Oh, uh, you know, I have to work that off.

Could take years.

Well, I've got to get my money.

Yeah, and this whole thing was my fault,

so I guess I'll have to stay.

I guess so.

Oh, no, that's nonsense.

I can take care of that right now.

Oh, no, no! Hey...

Thank you very much, Mrs. Wilmington,

but nobody pays my way, you know.

Guess we're stuck.

I guess we are.

Sorry, Mrs. Wilmington.

So am I.

Bye.

I wonder how many ways.

What?

Oh, nothing, nothing, Angela.

Oh, I'm so glad we dropped all that "ma'am" stuff.

Oh, wait a minute.

That's the way a proper maid should speak.

Tony, if I had wanted a proper maid,

I would not have hired

a headstrong, opinionated pain in the neck like you.

Oh, easy, Angela,

you're getting me all misty here.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, hey, oh, hey. There's one thing

I do have to get straight here, Angela.

You know, I do pay my own way,

and I'm gonna have that car of yours repainted

any dull color you'd like.

Well, Tony, I've decided

that I'll live with it for a little while.

You like the red!

No, I didn't say I like it. You like the red!

I just I said I'd live with it.

Did I know you'd like the red?

Living with it and liking it...

Here comes the racy blonde.