Original subtitles

They, uh, kick you out for some reason?

Dad!

I´m interested. It´s starting to snow.

I saw Madison tonight. I´m gonna keep seeing her

and there´s nothing you can do to stop me.

I´m not gonna try.

I know Ephram thinks he´s a man, I know you see him that way too.

But his heart is wide open. Be careful with it.

I hate everything about my entire stupid life.

You can ground me dad, do whatever you want.

Because honestly.. ...I wish I was dead.

Let´s put out an All Points on Amy Abbot. 10-36, Amber.

What´s that mean?

Missing child.

- The recent one I found. - Okay.

alright, sheriff, let´s crop her out.

- Get her photo with a bullet. - You got it.

I know you´re worried, but we´re gonna do everything

we can to find her.

The first 24 hours are critical, so we need to work.

I´m gonna give you each jobs. I need a written description.

What she was wearing, hair, eyes, any scars or birthmarks.

Everything that you can think of. Are you the brother?

- Yeah. - Make a list. Friends, family.

Everyone she knows or might have contact with.

Give me names, addresses, phone numbers, anything.

- Does she have a computer? - Yeah, in her bedroom.

Mom? You´re the point person for the phone.

I need you ready in case she calls.

Agent Price has an ID caller box

and he´s gonna tell you everything.

Alright? alright, let´s get to work, folks.

When the pressure´s on, it´s often the times of crisis

that bring a family together.

I´m her aunt. Something that I could do?

Oh, you´re the doctor?

Good. We need her records. Medical, dental, x-rays mianly.

We´re gonna get DNA, but the lab is in Denver..

...so we need those records soon.

- Can you do that? - I can try.

- Mother. - What´s going on?

Amy´s gone. She disappeared last night.

- Oh, no. - It´s a nightmare. I know.

No, I mean this is all a big mistake.

What are you talking about?

Amy´s at my house, having pancakes with Harper.

Well, where did you find her? When?

She spent the night.

Pressure also has a way of exposing our fault lines..

...bringing to the surface things..

...that might better have stayed buried deep below.

Once they´re out, though, they´re awful hard to put back.

All units, Code 4. Subject has been located.

[theme music]

[music continues]

Stop.

- Weren´t watching a movie? - Oh, it´s on, isn´t it?

In your world, "Wanna come over and watch a movie?" means--

"Do you wanna come over and make out?"

And for the record, it´s not just my world.

It´s like the law of the universe.

(man on TV) ´Up, up and away. Oh, man, like--´

We´re not allowed to in the house.

Do I look like someone who follows rules?

I laugh in the face of danger. I bend to nothing--

We´re just watching a movie.

I´m sorry. How many times can I apologize?

A thousand million billion and I won´t care, you promised.

(Andy) ´It was an accident.´

- I didn´t-- - It wasn´t an accident.

You kissed her on the lips for like 10 seconds.

- What´s going on? - He kissed Linda.

- On purpose. - Sweetie, listen to me.

I swear I didn´t mean for it to happen. It just--

You promised and you did it anyway, which makes you a liar.

- Delia. - I´ll talk to her.

So I take it you kissed Linda?

- Oh, that´s funny. - What´d she mean, you promised?

Does it really matter?

Okay, look, it turns out you were right after all.

Delia was upset about me and Linda.

But that was, like, three months ago. You catch on quick.

So I talked to her and I explained to her..

...that I might be interested in another woman someday.

Romantically. And she said that was fine..

- As long as it wasn´t Linda. - Let me get this straight.

The night you went to punish Delia for dropping the S-bomb

you ended up promising her that you wouldn´t date Linda Abbott?

She´s very persuasive.

What are you gonna do? Are you gonna date her, or--?

I don´t know.

- I want to, but Delia´s upset. - I wonder why.

I took her to breakfast, she didn´t talk for a whole hour.

Then she comes in here and she just unloads on me.

She´s 10. Buy her a Barbie doll, she´ll forget.

- I won´t bribe your sister. - So, what are you gonna do?

I may not have to do anything.

After Delia´s tantrum at the tree lot this morning..

...I doubt Linda Abbott wants anything to do with me.

Well, great. Problem solved.

This is unbelievable.

She showed up at my door. What was I supposed to do?

How about a phone call? That thought enter your mind?

It was late. I figured you were already asleep.

If I had called, you would´ve just rushed over

and things would´ve gotten worse.

That is not a decision you get to make.

She was scared, Junior. She didn´t want to see you.

Everybody was so angry.

I thought we could all use a cooling-off period.

I knew she was safe. My plan was to get over here first thing

and to help work it out.

- How could I know? - How could you not know?

What person does this? Do you realize that we thought

our daughter might be dead?

- And to find out you took her. - I didn´t take her.

She came to me.

I didn´t ask to get involved.

Look..

...I´m sorry.

What more can I say?

Never thought this would happen.

Of course. You never think of anyone or anything but yourself.

She said she wants to talk to you both.

If you could come over later, we can all work this thing out.

Work it out? I don´t believe this.

- Rose. - Don´t.

I´m not gonna sit here and be insulted.

Not in my own home.

(Harold) ´You didn´t wanna get involved, Mother.´

Well, guess what, you are now.

Where are you in your cycle, Helen?

Day 12.

I´ve been doing the Lupron shots at home.

But blood tests and ultrasounds are killing me.

Clinic´s in Boulder.

They said if I could find someone locally..

...the lab will take the results over the phone.

We should be able to save you a few trips.

- Are you--? - I´m using my husband´s sperm.

Oh, great. Because you know that the in vitro process

can be very stressful.

It´d be great to have him for support.

Actually, my husband´s dead.

Oh!

Three years ago, he got testicular cancer.

He was only 35, so it wasn´t exactly on our radar.

The doctors recommended that we save some sperm..

...before he started chemo, just in case.

Six months later we´re at Sloan-Kettering, not working.

The tumors are everywhere.

Ted calls me in and says no matter what happens

he wants me to have the baby. He made me promise.

I´m sorry.

I´ve been wanting to do it since long.

Just been waiting to get to the right place. Emotionally.

Financially.

I think I´m finally ready to keep up my end of the bargain.

I know that this makes some people feel uncomfortable.

No, no. Not at all.

It´s just that I´ve been there.

I´m a widower myself with two kids.

- Really? How old? - Sixteen and 10.

It´s a lot of work, especially if you´re alone, but worth it.

I´m just happy I can help you.

- Edna. - Again with the yelling.

Could you set up the ultrasound for Mrs. McGinn?

We are gonna measure some follicles.

I´m having a baby with my dead husband´s frozen sperm.

Right.

We´ll probably have to check the Medicare code on that one.

(Amy) ´I know I´ve made a lot of mistakes, and I´m sorry.´

´The thing is, I´m doing better.´

´It may not look like it, but I am. I´ve been sleeping more.´

´I´ve been catching up in school.´

´I finally feel like I´m waking up´

and I thought about it, and it all started when I met Tommy.

- That´s ridiculous. - Just hear me out, please.

(Amy) ´He´s not a bad person.´

´I know what you heard.´

´But if you´d take time to get to know him.´

I think that you would realize that none of it´s true.

But the way you treated him, Dad, it was humiliating.

If you were worried, you could have talked to me

but to bring it up in front of the family--

I won´t apologize for wanting to know a boy

that you choose to bring into my home.

I don´t want it to be like this. I don´t wanna fight always.

Neither do we.

I said a lot of things I shouldn´t have

and I wish I could take them back, but I can´t.

So all I can do now is hope that you can forgive me.

Well.

The entire episode was a disaster.

We all wish that it hadn´t happened.

I can see where perhaps I may have overreacted.

- Now that we´ve had time-- - Do you know what you´ve done?

- Rose-- - I don´t think she does.

Amy, we had FBI agents at our house.

We actually considered that you took your own life.

Any idea what that is like for a parent?

- Mom, I said I was sorry. - No, you didn´t.

Not for lying when you said you were at Laynie´s.

Not for stealing from your aunt.

I talked to her about that.

You have the gall to sit there and say we embarrassed you?

Now, how do you think we felt

telling Grandma and Pop Pop you couldn´t say goodbye

because you ran off in the middle of the night?

You are the embarrassment, Amy. Your attitude, your behavior.

And now you summon us over here

like we´ve been granted some audience with the pope

because you deign to talk to us?

This is way past self-indulgence.

See? I can´t talk to them.

(Rose) ´You want to be treated like an adult´

then act like one.

The important thing is that she comes home.

No. What´s important is that she take responsibility

for her actions.

- That´s what she´s doing. - Don´t you dare talk to me.

For 25 years I´ve seen you treat Harold with disrespect.

I never said anything, but this is different.

This is our daughter.

You want to come home, fine.

The rules are the same. No car, no telephone, no dating.

- This is so unfair. - Too bad.

I am tired of giving you the benefit of every doubt.

- You lost that right. - I´m not a kid anymore.

- I can make my own decisions. - That´s right.

You heard what I said, now you can decide.

Come home and live by our rules, or stay here, it´s your choice.

Come on, Harold.

I said we´re leaving.

So, what do you think sounds better?

Karate or papier-mâché jewelry making?

Tough call. They both kinda make me wanna kill myself.

- Delia. Food´s here. - What happened to the pizza?

I decided I was in the mood for something more fried.

Executive decision.

Aren´t you old for self-improvement classes?

Not for me. I´m trying to find something Delia and I can do.

Spend some quality time. Do some bonding.

- You never did any with me. - Okay.

How about you and I join the Everwood Men´s Chorus?

I don´t need to bond that bad.

Here we go.

´"Close Encounters of the Camping Kind.´

´"Dads and daughters get away to get connected.´

´"Spend a fun-filled night in the woods´

´"at historic Fiery Gizzard State Park.´

´"Tents, food and equipment: $100.´

´Memories and smiles: No extra charge.""

- That´s sounds perfect. - Except that you hate camping.

I don´t hate camping. I´m just not very good at it.

- Who´s going camping? - We are, sweetie.

This weekend. What do you say?

- No. - It´ll be fun.

We´ll roast marshmallows, tell ghost stories.

- You´re forgetting something. - What?

- I don´t like you. - That´s too bad.

Because we leave Friday at 5.

Hey.

Woman, you trying to give me another heart attack?

If you´re looking for Amy, she´s in the can.

No idea what she´s been doing for the past half-hour

but my guess is it involves makeup.

We have to talk.

Now, I understand you´re in a bind here

and I know Amy´s family and we have obligations..

but I already had a teenage daughter.

- So did I. - But I was actually involved

in raising mine and it´s hard work.

- Too hard for a man my age. - It won´t be forever, Harper.

- Just a wrinkle in my plan. - You messed up.

You should´ve called but you didn´t. I´m not blaming you.

I´m just saying we have a situation here.

And instead of spending your time trying to justify

the mistake you made, we should figure out how to fix this.

Well.

I was thinking of calling Father Ivers over at the church.

He baptized Junior and confirmed him, and married him and Rose.

He´s one person they might listen to other than God.

Alright, let´s get him on the horn.

I still think we should wait.

You know, Amy´s a smart girl. She´ll do the right thing.

Meanwhile, it might be good to get her out of the bunker.

Well--

- Where are you going? - I´ve got a school thing.

It´s okay, I always go.

It´s just I was supposed to have a ride

and Laynie´s car broke down, so..

My keys are in my purse. It´s hanging on the coat rack.

Thanks, Grandma.

Thank you. See you later.

- Bye, Irv. - Good night, sweetheart.

See you later.

One scratch and I´ll have your hide.

Bye.

Yes, the number for Christ the King Church on Glenwick.

- Morning, Edna. - Morning.

Well, you look exhausted.

I´m fine. Press on.

There´s somebody in my office.

No wonder you brain surgeons get the big bucks.

Well, who is it? I didn´t have anyone scheduled.

In vitro lady from yesterday. It´s her husband.

- He´s supposed to be dead. - Yeah.

I thought it was weird too.

- She told her husband was dead. - He is.

Her first husband.

I probated his estate.

Okay.

That´s how I met Helen.

We fell in love, and last year we got married.

Little piece of information she failed to mention.

Yeah. I´m not surprised. Look, I´m sorry to barge in on you

but she told me she came to see you and I--

- I have a few questions. - Join the club.

What are her chances of having a baby with this procedure?

Well, it´s difficult to say.

First, there´s the egg retrieval

then the embryo transfer.

A lot of it depends on the motility of the sperm.

But I´m sure they explained all this to you at the clinic.

You did know that she was doing this, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, I knew.

She idolized Ted. They were high school sweethearts and all.

You know, I understood that.

When I proposed to her, she told me about her promise to him.

And then she made me promise that when the time came

I´d let her have the baby.

What was I gonna say, you know?

I figured eventually she´d forget about it

but now Ted´s like this ghost who´s just around all the time.

Have you told her how you feel?

How I feel is powerless.

Emasculated, if you really wanna know.

She´d rather have a baby with her dead husband than with me.

I wanna have kids too. It´s not like I´m incapable.

Well, so tell her, then.

Yeah.

- I was hoping you would. - Oh, no, no. I don´t think so.

Isn´t she coming in later for some blood work?

Don´t you have to get back for fifth period?

No, it´s just English. Who cares?

You getting all bad girl on me?

After this I´m gonna go get a tattoo

or maybe do a little shoplifting

stop by the crack house.

No, I´m just kidding.

I´ve had freedom since I´ve been with my grandmother.

Which is all I wanted in the first place.

Be careful what you wish for.

Having no structure in your life is--

It´s not what it´s cracked up to be. Trust me.

You okay?

Why are you with me, Amy?

- What do you mean? - Your parents were right.

I´m not exactly the greatest influence

or the greatest person for that matter.

- My parents don´t know you. - Maybe we keep it that way.

No, that´s the point. They didn´t even make an effort.

- That´s why-- - That´s why you moved out?

No. No.

Not entirely.

Look.

If you don´t wanna go home, that´s fine.

I can totally respect that. That´s your decision.

Just don´t make this about me.

I don´t wanna be the poster boy

for pissing off Mom and Dad, you know?

That´s what this is about.

That and the free Skittles.

- I really don´t need a lecture. - I´m not lecturing.

I´m saying that maybe there´s a reason

you didn´t tell me you were married.

You didn´t ask. How about that?

You think Neil goes to the urologist, says:

"By the way, doctor, you should know I have a wife"?

It´s not a big deal.

Look, IVF has helped a lot of people, and I´m not knocking it.

But truthfully and thankfully, you don´t need it.

You have a husband who wants a child with you.

- And we will. - Put yourself in his shoes.

We´ve all said things that we´d like to take back.

Excuse me, there was no moment.

We talked about this more than once and he agreed.

Because he knows how important it is to you.

I´m not saying it´s wrong for you

wanting to keep your promise, but no one would blame you

for changing your mind.

I have worked too hard and invested too much to stop now.

Now, I´m sorry Neil´s having mixed feelings

but a promise is a promise.

I´m having this baby.

I don´t appreciate you two ganging up on me

and Ted like this.

So how is Amy?

Well, I don´t know.

- You didn´t see her at school? - Yeah.

- Well.. - She looked the same.

What do you want me to say?

What are you doing?

Going to bring our daughter home.

- No. - This has gone on long enough.

I said no!

This has got to be her decision.

Well, she is not capable of making a good decision

not in her present state. Look at her history.

The only history of bad decisions in this family

has been yours.

Excuse me?

When Amy misbehaved at school, you bought her a car.

When she stayed out doing God-knows-what with that boy

you didn´t tell me about it.

You´re the one who wanted to put her on medication.

She can answer yes for anti-depressants

on every medical history she fills out.

How dare you? How dare you pretend you gave even one minute

of consideration to my opinion on that?

You´ve never shown any respect for my authority as a parent.

- I can´t talk to you like this. - You will.

You will stand there and you will listen to me, for once.

I´m sick of it, Harold.

The way she controls this family.

You have always put Amy first.

When she´s here, it´s nothing but yelling and screaming

crisis and drama.

Now she´s gone, you still make everything about her.

There are other people in this family.

Your son. Me.

Do you even think about us anymore?

Do you care about how we feel?

Well, of course I do. Right now, Amy needs special attention.

What Amy needs is discipline, and you can´t provide that.

Oh, oh, and you can? Please.

I tolerated your little power play at Mother´s

but do you seriously think Amy believed it or any of us did?

You patronizing bastard.

You go to your office, you spend all day with your patients.

Thursdays it´s the lodge, Saturdays it´s golf

then you come and think you´ve got the answers?

Well, guess what.

I´m the one who gets to deal with the consequences

every time you make one of your proclamations.

I´m the one who supports you and defends you.

- You never give anything back. - What do you want?

You want me to encourage your crazy concept of punishment?

The moment things get hard I´m supposed to kick

my own child outta our home because you say so?

That´s right.

Are you willing to lose our daughter

over some teenage crush?

Are you seriously willing to lose our marriage?

- What? - Let me tell you something.

This marriage will not survive if you keep undercutting me.

Our daughter´s tearing this family apart

and you´re so blind you can´t see it.

I swear to God, Harold, I´ll not go on living like this.

- I will not. Don´t. - Rose.

(male #1) ´I see cell phones.´

´This is daughter time, not daddy time.´

I told you we should´ve brought backpacks.

Well, I didn´t know we were going to the Himalayas.

I wanna go home.

Come on, this is gonna be fun.

It´ll be a beautiful night camping under the stars,

spending time with my number-one girl.

Why? Is Linda coming with us?

- Come on. You know I meant you. - Whatever.

Let´s go, folks. Gotta make camp by sunset.

Are we excited?

Only if this bus takes me home.

What´s this?

I didn´t order that.

You know what? I´m not hungry. Why don´t we watch a movie?

No, I said Moo Shu Chicken. This is pork. I don´t eat pork.

- I´m gonna call them. - Do we have to do this now?

By the time I call them and they switch it the rest

of the food will be cold. That´s great. That just sucks.

Okay, what´s bugging you? And don´t tell me it´s the Moo Shu

because no amount of pork should distract you

from a make-out session.

When there´s no possibility of us getting caught.

I wouldn´t count on that.

My dad can´t handle my sister and nature for a whole night.

- He´ll be back. - Why would you say that?

Because I know my dad, the man has zero communication skills.

Now, he´s better with Delia, but still--

- He talk to you about Linda? - What about Linda?

He´s dating her?

He planned this whole trip with Delia, I just assumed--

Well, Delia´s younger. She doesn´t quite get it yet.

- And you do? - Don´t start. Please.

This is about your dad dating somebody since your mom died.

You´re not supposed to just get it.

- You should talk about it. - Nothing to talk about.

I hated every guy my mom brought home after her divorce.

My dad´s not divorced.

I know, I´m sorry. That came out wrong.

It´s no big deal.

alright, I didn´t think he´d wanna start dating so soon.

He does, it´s weird. I´m over it.

He about dating for the first time in your entire life

doesn´t ask you how you feel about it

and you´ve emotionally processed this in less than 30 seconds.

That´s impressive.

What do you want me to do?

I´m not gonna tell him how to live his life.

If he thinks he´s ready, then I should be too.

Yeah, but here´s the thing.

You can not be okay with it and still support his decision.

If you feel like you can talk to him about it, then you should.

But if you can´t..

...then talk to me.

Because chances are if you´re feeling gloomy..

...I can do stuff to cheer you up.

This is good.

Just this.

Straighten and connect shock-corded joints on fly-pole.

Well, which one is the fly-pole?

Did you take this long when you went with Ephram?

No, but the tent wasn´t as big.

They actually make them smaller?

Do you guys need some help?

If I can clip an intracranial aneurysm

I ought to be able to handle this.

You sure? You already missed the opening session.

We´re fine, Simon. Go. Bond. Be merry.

Okay, but don´t be too long.

The eggs in a cup go fast.

Did he just say eggs in a cup?

I hate nature.

You´re not supposed to do that.

What are they gonna do, put me in camping jail?

--that we may find healing and grace

through the power of your name.

Amen.

Amen.

Before we start..

Let me thank Edna for calling me

(Father Ivers) ´and for having us all into her home.´

´I´m glad that you´re all making God a part of the equation.´

I used to tell Hal Sr. that being a steward

was a lot more than just having your butt in a pew on Sunday.

´Well, let´s remember the ground rules.´

´This is a safe environment.´

Everybody gets a chance to speak.

Everyone gets a chance to respond.

Rose, why don´t we start with you?

- We love our daughter, Father. - Oh, not to me.

You know that.

But because we love you, it doesn´t mean

we have to like what you´re doing.

You violated our trust. You have to earn that back.

I know you don´t like it, but it´s punishment.

It´s not supposed to be fun.

Okay. Amy, do you want to respond?

You and Dad say that you love me, but you don´t.

Not really. You love who I used to be.

You love who you want me to be.

It´s totally conditional and it´s unfair.

If you´ll talk that way--

Rose, please. Let her finish.

This all started over Tommy, but he´s not the issue.

Not the reason this is happening.

He said that he didn´t wanna create problems

within my family.

All of the stupid stuff I did I deserve to be punished for

but not for him.

Is that all?

I´m willing to give up the car. And the phone.

I figure that should be enough since I´ve already apologized.

- You are such a baby. - Son, please.

Do we have to sit here and listen to this?

You´ll get your turn.

Harold, how about you?

I´ve always treated you as an adult, Amy.

And maybe I shouldn´t have, because, well, you´re not.

I see that now.

I´ve jeopardized my marriage in an effort to maintain

your good graces and failed your mother in the process.

When you say we can´t tell you how to live your life

you´re just simply wrong.

We´re your parents.

That´s our job.

If you wanna live under our roof again

we´re ready to have you.

You know the terms. Your mother reiterated them

quite clearly for you the other day.

And I support her.

Amy, don´t you wanna say something?

Say yes. You can get up right now and come home with us.

- Unbelievable. - Maybe we should take a break.

You know, that´s fine, Father.

Thank you for your time.

Good luck, Mother.

[Delia giggling]

This is fun. Can we do it again?

Absolutely.

It will be our thing.

So that means you can´t come here with her.

Promise.

I don´t think I should make those kinds of promises anymore.

- Because you can´t keep them. - No.

Because I can´t make the decisions that I´ve to make if--

Well, if I´m scared of you.

You´re not scared of me.

Are you kidding me? You bet I am.

When you´re mad at me, my stomach turns inside out.

I hate it.

I´m not mad at you, Dad.

I just don´t want her to be mad at me.

Well, honey, Linda´s not gonna be mad at you.

Not Linda. Mom.

What about Mom?

If I like Linda, Mom will know, and she´ll be mad.

- Well, why would Mom be mad? - Because she´ll be jealous.

You think Linda´s beautiful.

She´s got red hair and she´s a doctor

and Mom wasn´t like that.

Honey..

There will never be anyone who means as much to me as Mom did.

Not anyone.

Just like no one could ever take your place, or Ephram´s.

That´s the first thing you have to know.

What´s the second?

The second thing is that Mom would never be mad at you

or me or anyone.

For liking someone else that wasn´t her.

I don´t know.

She could be pretty tough.

Delia, when someone we love dies..

It´s okay to be sad about it for a while.

For as long as you need to be, really.

But you just can´t hang on to all the love

that you used to give to that person.

Why not?

Well because..

Love´s not worth a whole lot if you just keep it to yourself.

Well, it´s getting kind of late.

Oh, yeah.

Probably time to order another movie.

- Two in one night? - Why not?

The world is our oyster.

So, what will it be? Action, comedy or drama?

"Driving Miss Daisy Crazy."

What´s that?

You wouldn´t like it.

- Sperm´s here. - Oh, good.

I´ll take it.

Careful, that´s liquid nitrogen.

I hope they get his chin. He had a great chin.

Oh, for God´s sakes.

(Neil) ´You know what? I can´t do this.´

- There is no way. - Neil.

It´s like I don´t even exist.

Maybe I should take that.

Our baby this, our baby that. We´re gonna work together.

Raise it as a team, all sounds great but you know what?

That´s not our kid.

I´ll never love it like it´s mine because it´s not.

I´m sorry if that makes me a horrible person

but that´s how I feel.

Honey, I know you´re insecure, but I have to do this.

I made a promise and so did you.

- Well, I take it back. - Guys, please.

Why don´t we take a deep breath?

You know what? I´m all out of deep breaths. Helen..

You have a choice to make. It´s either me or him or them.

It´s your decision.

Whatever you wanna do, I´ll help you.

I thought I had room for both of them.

That make any sense?

I stopped trying to make sense of things a long time ago.

You know, it´s funny.

It´s been..

almost two years since my wife died.

There isn´t a day that goes by that I don´t think about her.

Well, it´s always little things.

It could be..

...a song on the radio or a phone call.

Or even a certain scent.

If you could´ve seen Ted´s face when he made me promise.

Listen.

No one would blame you if you changed your mind.

You are a wife before you´re a widow.

We all make promises to people we love.

but letting go is not the same thing as forgetting.

It´s not even close.

I´m not going through with the procedure.

Thank you, Dr. Brown.

Oh, Helen?

What would you like me to do with this?

Actually..

...I´m wondering if you could do me one last favor.

How did this happen?

It´s okay.

I thought I was doing the right thing.

I thought she´d come home. I really did.

I know.

We´ll get through this.

How?

How will we?

By staying together.

- Hi. - Hi.

Can Linda come out and play?

You´re not gonna sing for me again.

No, but I could dance.

Actually, I´m here to ask you out on a date.

I´ve worked it out with Delia and she´s completely onboard.

All you have to worry about now is my grating personality

and lack of charm.

I´m glad to hear that about Delia but you know that

your kids aren´t the only issue.

I know.

I´m okay right now, but that can change, any day, any time.

Well, I could get hit by a truck tomorrow.

I´d be lying if I told you that your sickness didn´t scare me.

I mean, it´s one thing to start dating again.

but it´s another to date a woman that I could lose.

But I´m just not gonna sit back and watch life pass me by

without trying to find just a little piece of happiness

along the way.

And neither should you.

Look, all I´m asking for is one date.

Just dinner and a movie.

Okay, an expensive dinner.

Maybe sushi.

Do vegetarians eat fish?

See you later.

Hold on. Where do you think you´re going?

- Out. - No. Not on a school night.

We´re watching a movie. I won´t be late.

I don´t care what you´re doing, you´re not doing it tonight.

Why not? I don´t need the car.

Amy, I didn´t exactly earn my parenting stripes

the first time around.

You´re my responsibility, and I have to set some limits.

If you wanna see people during the week, have them over here.

And weekends are yours so long as your schoolwork´s done

and you´re home by midnight.

- Grandma? - You´ll start helping out.

KP, keeping the house clean.

Harper´s not used to being outnumbered

so I´ve gotta be careful. Those are the rules.

And you bust a curfew, or step out of line once, just once..

...and I´ll be on you like a bum on a bologna sandwich.

Are you trying to make me leave, Grandma?

I´m trying to make you understand that

even though you think you are a 35-year-old woman, you´re not.

And there are rules in every port, sweetheart, everywhere.

Well, can I still see Tommy?

Yes. I promised you that and I´m not gonna go back on my word.

But I hear once that you´ve crossed the line with him..

...or lied to me about where you´ve been.

And you´re confined to barracks permanently.

- I´m getting a nosebleed. - Well.

We´re here.

This is the spot.

All things considered, I don´t think Men´s Chorus

was such a bad idea.

Peaceful, isn´t it?

Yeah, it´s nice.

His wife said this was Ted´s favorite spot.

I can see why.

So she just wants you to hurl it over?

Yep.

Isn´t there some law against dumping sperm in a forest?

Probably.

It seems weird her not doing it herself.

You didn´t even know the guy.

Well, I think that´s why.

She didn´t say as much, but I could tell.

Yeah, you have a real sixth sense about people.

Well, enough to know that something´s on your mind.

You wanna tell me what it is?

Yeah, I mean, I like Linda.

I do. I can see why you like her.

I think.

But the fact is, I´m not as cool about you starting to date

as you want me to be.

It´s not that I´m not cool about it, it´s just that it´s weird.

I thought you were gonna turn into one of those happy widows

that have lot of lady friends and cats like Andy Griffith.

Nick at Nite.

But that´s not you, and I know that now.

I want you to be happy. If dating Linda makes you happy

I´ll find a way to feel less weird.

I will. It´ll take time, but I´ll figure it out.

That´s it. That´s all I wanted to say. I´m done.

You realize you just told me how you feel

with absolutely no prompting whatsoever?

- Hey, you prompted. - A little, but I´m impressed.

So..

You wanna do the honors?

You´re asking me to throw a dead guy´s frozen spunk in a canyon?

Cool.

Nice throw.

Good arm.

So here´s a question.

If sperm gets thrown into the forest and nobody hears--

- Dad. - Now, come on, that was funny.

Let me try another one on you, okay?

Having done what we just did..

- Did we commit spermicide? - Dad.

Come on, this is funny stuff.

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