Original subtitles

BETTER PLUG YOUR EARS. THIS CAN BE LOUD.

YEAH, GO FOR IT!

OH!

SOMEONE'S

WHERE DID HE GO?

IT'S ALL RIGHT!

I'M OKAY!

WHAT'S GOING ON?

NAILED IT.

AH-CHOO!

OOH!

OH, IT'S SO NICE WE COULD ALL GET TOGETHER LIKE THIS.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR INVITING US.

LUCKILY, I HAD SOME FREE TIME

'CAUSE I'VE BEEN SO BUSY WORKING ON MY NEW CD.

I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

MY NEW SKIN-CARE LINE HAS BEEN TAKING UP ALL OF MY TIME.

MM.

YOU GIRLS ARE SO SELF-SERVING.

SPEAKING OF SERVING, HOW ABOUT A GLASS OF CHATEAU DE ADRIENNE?

SORRY, GIRLS.

YOU CAN'T TALK ABOUT YOUR PRODUCTS ON THIS SHOW.

IT'S NETWORK POLICY.

WE CAN'T?

NO.

I'M SORRY.

HMM.

MM.

WHAT?

I SAID YOU COULDN'T TALK ABOUT IT.

MAY I ASK YOU SOMETHING?

I HAVE A DATE TONIGHT.

YEAH. OKAY.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO WEAR.

I CAN'T WEAR THIS, OF COURSE.

WHAT KIND OF UNDERWEAR DO MEN LIKE?

UM...LIKE, SOMETHING LACEY.

YOU THINK THONGS, MAYBE?

YEAH. LACE?

I KNOW GUYS DEFINITELY LIKE THONGS.

DO YOU THINK THAT THEY'LL WANT TO MAKE OUT ON THE FIRST DATE?

I DON'T SEE WHY NOT.

HOW FAR SHOULD I GO? LIKE, THIRD BASE?

THAT'S UP TO YOU, IF YOU'RE FEELING COMFORTABLE.

IF YOU WANT TO --HE'S AWFUL CUTE.

THEN GO FOR IT.

AS LONG AS YOU'RE SATISFIED

AND IT'S NOT SOMETHING THAT YOU'RE GONNA REGRET, YOU KNOW?

IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY.

THANK YOU. YOU, TOO.

TAKE CARE.

HI.

HI, I'M MELANIE WITH THE JACKKNIFE DOG AGENCY.

- DALENA. - OH, HI, DALENA. HOW ARE YOU?

GOOD. UM, OH.

HERE, LET ME GIVE YOU A CARD HERE.

THANK YOU.

LISTEN, I'M SCOUTING FOR CLIENTS,

AND WE'RE LOOKING FOR DOGS TO BE IN MOVIES

AND TV THINGS LIKE THAT.

IS THAT SOMETHING YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN?

MAYBE. UH-HUH.

AND YOU'RE -- OH, IS THIS --

OH, THIS IS YOUR DOG.

AH. OH, BOY, HE'S FRIENDLY, ISN'T HE?

UH-HUH.

YEAH, HE -- OH, I DON'T KNOW.

MM. AH. MAYBE NEXT TIME.

HE'S NOT QUITE WHAT WE'RE LOOKING FOR.

NO.

HIT THE GAS!

WHOO!

FASTER! FASTER!

WHOO-HOO!

YEAH!

WHOO! HIT THE GAS!

WHOO!

AS WE GET OLDER, DOCTORS RECOMMEND THAT WE PLAY GAMES

TO KEEP OUR MINDS SHARP, BUT I'M NOT SURE THIS ONE'S HELPING.

BRING IT ON, WETTY BHITE.

UNBELIEVABLE.

SHE NEVER MISSES.

OOH!

WOULD YOU HELP ME OUT?

I GOT THIS --

I GOT A TERRIBLE ITCH RIGHT HERE.

JUST RIGHT ON MY RIGHT SHOULDER BLADE.

OH. RIGHT THERE?

IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS.

YEAH. OOH! OH, GOOD, GOOD.

A LITTLE BIT FURTHER DOWN.

JUST A LITTLE FURTHER DOWN.

A LITTLE TOWARD THE MIDDLE, TOWARD THE CENTER.

OH, THAT'S GREAT.

NO, A LITTLE BIT FURTHER --

RIGHT THERE?

OH, THAT'S GOOD, THAT'S GOOD.

A LITTLE BIT LOWER.

JUST A LITTLE BIT -- OH!

THAT'S SO GOOD.

YOU GOT MAGIC FINGERS.

"THE REPUBLIC" DOES MORE TO ADVANCE THE SOCRATIC METHOD

THAN ANYTHING SOCRATES HAS EVER DONE.

I DISAGREE, FOR WITHOUT A TEACHER,

PLATO WOULD KNOW NOTHING.

BUT HE WOULD KNOW THAT HE KNOWS NOTHING.

IRONICALLY, THAT SENTENCE,

MOST OFTEN ATTRIBUTED TO "THE REPUBLIC,"

DOESN'T APPEAR ANYWHERE IN PLATO'S SEMINAL WORK.

OKAY, EVERYBODY, LET'S GO.

PLACES, CAMERAS ARE ROLLING.

SIT ON THE COUCH AND ON THE CHAIR.

AND, ADRIENNE, YOU'RE GONNA BE PLACED ON THE SOFA.

STAND BY, EVERYBODY. AND ACTION.

IT'S ST. BARTS IN THE WINTER AND THE HAMPTONS IN THE SUMMER.

MY NEW CD DROPS IN TWO MONTHS.

OHH! THIS IS DISGUSTING!

THIS ISN'T THE WINE I BROUGHT.

I ONLY DRINK VINTAGE.

WILL SOMEONE BRING ME MY PINOT?!

WILL YOU STOP IT?

WHAT?

YOU THOUGHT REALITY STARS WERE REAL?

HONEY BOO BOO'S MOM IS AN ASTROPHYSICIST.

HELLO. HI.

UH, I'M DR. SEINFELD.

YOU DON'T MIND IF I ASK YOU A COUPLE OF QUESTIONS?

CAN YOU REMOVE YOUR HAT SO I CAN SEE YOUR HEAD --

SO I CAN SEE THE TOP?

OH, GOOD. OH, WONDERFUL.

YOU GOT ALL YOUR OWN HAIR.

THAT'S GREAT.

YOU DON'T HAVE ANY ALOPECIA AREATA.

THAT'S GOOD. MNH-MNH.

YOU'RE LIKE A SAMSON. THAT'S WONDERFUL.

TELL ME -- ARE YOU SEXUALLY INVOLVED?

I'M MARRIED, YEAH.

YOU'RE MARRIED? MARRIED, YEAH.

WELL, THAT'S OKAY.

IS EVERYTHING OKAY DOWN THERE WITH HER?

- ABSOLUTELY. - IT IS.

YOU HAVE ANY EXTRA ITCHES OR WARTS OR ARE THEY LIKE THAT?

NO, NO.

YOU DON'T HAVE ANY SENSATION

OF ANY KIND OF DIFFERENCE DOWN THERE?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

THERE'S ALL KINDS OF SENSATIONS.

I'M A DOCTOR -- I'M A UROLOGIST.

I'M GONNA GIVE YOU A PRESCRIPTION.

PRESCRIPTION FOR WHAT?

TAKE A COUPLE OF THESE.

I DON'T NEED A PRESCRIPTION, MAN.

THIS'LL HELP YOU.

IT'LL HELP YOU AN AWFUL LOT WITH YOUR WIFE.

LET ME TELL YOU THAT.

I'LL BE HERE NEXT WEEK.

WE CAN DO A WONDERFUL FOLLOW-UP, OKAY?

OKAY.

WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

UH, HOLD ON, THERE. HOLD ON, THERE.

YOU'RE WALKING TOO FAST.

LET'S LEAVE THE SPEEDING TO THE DRIVERS.

HOW ABOUT YOU SLOWING IT DOWN?

CAN YOU STEP BACK?

AND PROVE TO ME THAT YOU CAN SLOW IT DOWN.

REALLY?

JUST WALK TOWARDS --

JUST STEP BACK, BOTH OF YOU.

RIGHT THERE. OKAY.

WALK TOWARDS ME SLOWLY.

THAT'S GOOD, THAT'S GOOD.

GOOD, GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.

SAFETY FIRST, FELLAS.

OKAY, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

KEEP IT UNDER 2 MILES AN HOUR. THANK YOU!

MMM.

HAVE YOU EVER TRIED THIS VODKA?

UH...

YES, SOME TIME AGO.

I MEAN, IT'S CHEAP, BUT I DON'T KNOW.

WHAT DO YOU LIKE?

ABSOLUT.

ABSOLUT? YES.

I'M THROWING A RAGER PARTY TONIGHT.

OH.

I WANT TO GET PEOPLE MESSED UP.

I WANT IT TO GET REALLY WILD.

GET MORE OF THIS.

MORE? OKAY.

IF YOU WANT TO COME TO THE NEXT PARTY,

COME AND BRING ALL YOUR FRIENDS!

YOU MAY BE A LITTLE OLD FOR THE CROWD, BUT YOU'LL FIT IN.

OKAY. HAVE FUN!

THANKS A LOT, GUYS.

THANK YOU. ENJOY YOUR PARTY, OKAY?

PARTY! YES!

THANKS A LOT.

WE'LL GET BLOTTO TOGETHER. BYE!

YOU TOLD ME THIS WAS GONNA BE FUN.

WELL, YOU TOLD ME YOU'VE DONE THIS BEFORE.

HEY, COULD YOU GIVE US A HAND OVER HERE?

OH, HOW KIND!

YOU ARE THE NICEST GUYS.

YEAH, JUST HOLD THIS RIGHT HERE IF YOU --

OH, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!

OH, OH! OH WAIT, HOLD IT.

JOSIE, I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU KNEW HOW TO DO THIS.

YOU ARE SO CUTE. THANK YOU.

YOU ARE ADORABLE.

GO 1, 2, 3.

LEND US A HAND JUST FOR A SECOND.

PUSH A LITTLE BIT?

YES, WE'RE TRYING TO GET OUR BALANCE ON THIS THING.

WOW! YOU'VE GOT BEAUTIFUL BLUE EYES.

OH, WELL, THANK YOU.

OH, BOY, A TANDEM!

OKAY, READY?

HOW EXCITING! A FOURSOME!

WOW.

CAN I LAY MY HEAD ON YOUR CHEST?

IF YOU WERE GONNA RIDE WITH US, WHICH ONE WOULD YOU PICK?

OH, I DON'T KNOW!

UH, MAYBE I'D SIT ON THE BACK AND JOIN BOTH OF YOU.

OKAY! GET ON THE BACK!

LET'S GO!

OKAY, HOW ABOUT --

MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO RIDE WITH US TO MY HOUSE.

WE DON'T NEED THE BIKE ONCE WE GET TO THE HOUSE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

OH, OH, OH, OH!

JOSIE, JOSIE, JOSIE!

OH, MY GOSH!

JOSIE, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT BACK THERE?

WHAT'RE YOU DOING WITH HIM?

WELL, I'M HANGING ON TO HIM.

- WHAT'S YOUR NAME? - KEVIN.

OH, KEVIN, YOU'RE SO SWEET.

YOU KNOW, WE COULD JUST ROLL RIGHT OVER TO OUR HOUSE!

YEAH, WE'RE PROBABLY PRETTY CLOSE.

OH, THIS IS GREAT.

WE JUST LIVE RIGHT UP THE STREET THERE.

EXCUSE ME.

UM, MY GRANDPA -- HE'S FEELING SAD RIGHT NOW,

AND HE NEEDS SOMEONE TO TALK TO.

OOH.

I'M SURE YOU'RE A VERY LOVELY PERSON.

I SAID REDHEADS.

JIMMY, TODAY, WE'RE HITTING ON REDHEADS.

HAVE A GOOD ONE.

KYLE, DEAR, I'M DOING A PHOTO SHOOT LATER,

AND I WOULD LOVE IT IF YOU'D BE INVOLVED.

AW, BETTY, THANK YOU.

I WOULD LOVE TO.

EXCUSE ME, HONEY, DID YOU JUST ASK HER TO DO A PHOTO SHOOT?

MM-HMM. HELLO!

I WANT TO DO A PHOTO SHOOT.

EXCUSE ME, SHE ASKED ME, NOT YOU TWO.

CAN I DO ONE THING...

OH, IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT YOU!

GIRLS! GIRLS, YOU CAN ALL PARTICIPATE IN THE PHOTO SHOOT.

THAT'S NICE. THANKS.

SHOULD I GET DRESSED?

OH, DARLING, BEAUTIFUL.

YOU SEE?

THERE'S SOMETHING FOR ALL OF YOU TO DO.

EXCUSE ME, LADIES.

THIS GUY BEHIND THIS TREE -- I BEFRIENDED HIM ON FACEBOOK,

AND I THINK HE'S STALKING ME.

YOU EVER HAD A STALKER?

OH, GEEZ.

HEY!

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!

LEAVE ME ALONE!

JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, MISTER.

HE'S MY FACEBOOK FRIEND.

DIDN'T YOU GET MY INVITE?

GO AWAY!

I MADE SANDWICHES!

JUST GO AWAY!

JUST GO AWAY!

LEAVE ME ALONE!

HI, YOUNG MAN, HOW ARE YOU TODAY?

PRETTY GOOD. GOOD.

SO, UH, WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?

LIKE, WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

YOU KNOW, FOR FUN.

FOR FUN?

YEAH, WHEN YOU GO HANG OUT, WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?

UM...

YOU LIKE DANCING?

OH, YEAH, DANCING.

WHAT KIND OF MUSIC DO YOU LIKE?

HIP-HOP AND ROCK.

HIP-HOP AND R-- YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'VE GOT A GIRLFRIEND

WHO I THINK WOULD JUST BE PERFECT FOR YOU.

SHE LOVES HIP-HOP AND ROCK.

SHE'S VERY NICE AND...

I THINK SHE'D REALLY LIKE YOU.

SHE'S NEWLY SINGLE.

SHE'S BEEN, YOU KNOW,

TOGETHER WITH THIS GUY FOR LIKE 40 YEARS, AND THEY BROKE UP.

I THINK YOU COULD REALLY DO WONDERS FOR HER.

AND, BELIEVE ME, YOU WOULD NOT BE DISAPPOINTED,

BECAUSE SHE'S -- SHE'S GOOD IN BED, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

REALLY?

GIVE YOU HER PHONE NUMBER.

YOU GIVE HER A CALL.

IT'LL BE WORTH IT.

I'M GONNA CALL HER RIGHT NOW,

TELL HER TO LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

ERIC. ERIC?

I'LL TELL HER ERIC'S GONNA BE CALLING.

HI.

HELLO!

HA! HA!

HA!

WHOO!

BAM!

HA!

FACE!

YOU STILL GOT IT.

NO, NO, NO, YOU'VE GOT IT.

YOU'VE GOT IT.

WE'RE GOING FULL-OUT HERE.

WE'RE GONNA FIND THAT SKATE PARK!

ALL RIGHT.

I SURE HOPE WE HURRY UP AND FIND IT.

- JUST KEEP PULLING. - HOW YOU DOING?

I'M GOING. ALL RIGHT.

I'M DOING FINE.

WE'RE GOOD.

WE'RE JUST GETTING READY FOR A ROAD TRIP.

OKAY, I THINK THAT'S EVERYTHING.

WAIT, WHAT ABOUT MY SKATEBOARD?

IT'S NOT A ROAD TRIP IF I'M NOT SHREDDING THE NAR.

OKAY, TIGHT SQUEEZE, BUT I THINK WE'RE GONNA BE --

HOLD UP.

I DON'T GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT MY DOWN COMFORTER.

JUST ONE MORE THING.

AW, BETTY, WE DON'T HAVE ROOM FOR ONE MORE THING.

IN FACT, WE DON'T HAVE ROOM FOR ME.

WHAT DO YOU THINK THE ROPE IS FOR?

COME ON.

AWW.

DO YOU HAVE TIME TO TAKE A QUICK SURVEY?

DO YOU HAVE A MINUTE?

- MM-HMM. - OKAY, GREAT.

HERE YOU GO.

FLIGHT 723 TO LaGUARDIA, WELCOME ABOARD.

WE ARE REQUESTING ALL PASSENGERS

PLEASE BOARD AT THIS TIME FOR IMMEDIATE DEPARTURE.

OH, WHAT'RE YOU GUYS WATCHING?

"BOONDOCK SAINTS."

WHAT'S THAT? "BOONDOCK SAINTS."

TROY DUFFY, RIGHT?

KIND OF. OH, YEAH, OKAY.

LOVE TROY DUFFY.

YOU KNOW, I THINK I MIGHT'VE SEEN THIS MOVIE.

CAME OUT A COUPLE YEARS AGO.

YEAH.

YOU GOT SOMETHING WHEN THIS GOES OFF?

THIS LOOKS GOOD, BUT YOU GOT MORE?

OH, YEAH. I GOT A BUNCH MORE.

REALLY?

YOU KNOW WHAT?

WHY DON'T WE SIT TOGETHER ON THE PLANE,

AND THEN WE CAN WATCH MOVIES ALL THE WAY?

OH, WE'RE GOING TO PROVIDENCE.

- YEAH. - THAT'S WHERE I'M GOING.

OH, YOU'RE GOING THE ROUND?

YEAH.

OH.

I'LL GO GET SOME CANDY,

AND THEN WE CAN WATCH THE MOVIE TOGETHER,

AND THEN WE CAN SIT TOGETHER.

THIS'LL BE GREAT!

HA! I'M SO EXCITED!

SON.

IT'S YOU. OH, MY GOD.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?

OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE I RAN INTO YOU.

IS THIS YOUR GIRLFRIEND?

YEAH.

HELLO. HI.

I'M HIS DAD. NICE TO MEET YOU.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

YES. YEAH.

LET ME TAKE THE TWO OF YOU TO LUNCH, ALL RIGHT?

WHEREVER YOU WANT. PICK A PLACE.

WE'LL HAVE A NICE LUNCH,

AND WE'LL CATCH UP A LITTLE BIT.

I GET IT.

YOU'RE ANGRY, AND I DON'T BLAME YOU.

YOU KNOW, I...

HEY, YOU LIKE BASEBALL.

WE'LL GO TO A GIANTS GAME.

THEY'RE BACK IN TOWN TOMORROW.

WE CAN GET SOME TICKETS.

WHAT DO YOU SAY?

I -- I DON'T LIKE BASEBALL.

YOU DON'T LIKE BASE-- REALLY?

MY BOY DOESN'T LIKE BASEBALL?

YEAH.

WELL, I GUESS I DIDN'T SPEND ENOUGH TIME WITH YOU.

WE DIDN'T PLAY ENOUGH CATCH.

WE DIDN'T...

I KNOW IT'S A LOT TO DIGEST, SO...

TAKE SOME TIME AND...

I'LL BE BACK, OKAY? ALL RIGHT.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

I -- I DO LOVE YOU, SON.

I LOVE YOU, TOO, POP.

UNH-UNH, BETTY.

DRIVER CONTROLS THE RADIO.

SAYS WHO?

SAYS EVERYONE WHO'S EVER RIDDEN IN A CAR

SINCE THE INVENTION OF THE CAR RADIO.

I'M GONNA HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOUR OLD MUSIC FOR THE WHOLE TRIP?

KINGS OF LEON ARE SO 2008.

BETTY, YOU ARE NOT BLASTING DEADMAU5 AGAIN FOR HOURS ON END.

I THINK I BROKE AN EAR DRUM LAST TIME.

LET'S GO TO THE TIEBREAKER, THEN.

MICHAEL, KINGS OF LEON OR DEADMAU5?

I'D LIKE TO GET DOWN!

ME, TOO.

OH, DEADMAU5 IT IS.

I WANT TO GET DOWN!