Original subtitles

Man: WOULD YOU MIND TAKING A PICTURE?

Girl: SURE, YEAH.

OH, VERY NICE OF YOU.

WE ACTUALLY -- I PROPOSED TO MY WIFE

RIGHT HERE ON THIS SPOT 40 YEARS AGO.

OH, WOW. THAT'S --

YEAH, DO YOU BELIEVE THAT?

SO WE THOUGHT, WE'RE HERE VISITING,

AND WE THOUGHT WE'D GET A PICTURE.

I KNOW THAT IT'S CHANGED A LITTLE BIT.

BUT I'LL GET OVER THERE AND I'LL TELL YOU WHEN.

AND THANK YOU SO MUCH. YEAH.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

THEY ARE!

HERE, GET UP THERE.

YEAH. OKAY.

AAAAAH!

OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD! SHE FELL!

HEY!

TAKE MY PICTURE!

OH!

OH, MY GOD!

HIT ME!

COME BACK HERE!

SAY "BIG BOOBS."

AAAAAAH! OH!

OH, HI THERE, AND WELCOME TO "OFF THEIR ROCKERS."

I CAN'T WAIT TO SHOW YOU

MY FRIENDS MESSING WITH PEOPLE'S MINDS.

AND THE MINDS THAT THEY'RE MESSING WITH

ARE THE YOUNG AND IMPRESSIONABLE.

SORRY, BUT THAT'S THE WAY WE ROLL.

ALL RIGHT.

AND DONE!

OH, IT'S BEAUTIFUL!

OH, DON'T BE SUCH A WUSS.

EXCUSE ME. COULD YOU HELP ME?

I CAN'T GET MY CAR TO OPEN.

COULD YOU TRY IT FOR ME?

OH, AH --

AAAAAAAH!

HI.

HI.

- COULD YOU HELP ME? - UH-HUH.

MY FUTURE DAUGHTER-IN-LAW

THINKS THAT I OUGHT TO GET WITH THE 21st CENTURY,

THAT I SHOULD TEXT HER INSTEAD OF CALLING HER.

SHE'S GETTING READY TO MARRY -- MY FUTURE DAUGHTER-IN-LAW.

SHE'S GONNA MARRY MY SON.

AWW, HOW CUTE.

WOULD YOU MIND TEXTING HER FOR ME?

I CAN'T SEE THE KEYBOARD.

- OKAY, WHAT DID SHE SAY? - OKAY.

OKAY, SO, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO SAY? "DEAR DONNA."

OH, YOU'RE GOOD.

"I WISH YOU AND DOUGIE," THAT'S MY SON,

"THE VERY BEST ON YOUR WEDDING DAY

"EVEN THOUGH...

"I STILL THINK...

YOU'RE A GOLD-DIGGING TRAMP."

OKAY.

YOU WANT TRAMP TO BE CAPITALS?

YES. OKAY.

IN CAPITAL.

"LOVE, RUTH."

- EXCLAMATION? - YEAH.

"LOVE, RUTH. "LOVE, RUTH?

YEAH, XOXO.

XOXO.

RUTH. OKAY.

- COULD YOU READ IT BACK? - YEAH.

OKAY, YOU SAID, "DEAR DONNA, I WISH YOU AND DOUGIE

"THE VERY BEST ON YOUR WEDDING DAY,

"EVEN THOUGH I STILL THINK YOU'RE A GOLD-DIGGING TRAMP.

XOXOXO."

WHAT A WONDERFUL MESSAGE. SEND?

SEND. OKAY.

LOVE, RUTH. THERE YOU GO.

THAT'LL SHOW HER THAT I JOINED THE 21st CENTURY.

THAT IS.

SEE YOU, GUYS. THANK YOU.

- YOU'RE WELCOME. - BYE.

OH, MY GOODNESS.

CORNER POCKET.

OH.

MY GOODNESS.

A NASTY SPILL AT MY AGE WOULD REALLY SLOW ME DOWN,

SO I MAKE SURE TO TAKE A FEW BASIC PRECAUTIONS.

AND LIFT.

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY.

"BENEATH EVERY GREAT WOMAN ARE FOUR SCANTILY-CLAD MEN."

AND MUSH.

SO YOU GUYS WANT ME TO TAKE A PICTURE OF ALL THREE OF YOU TOGETHER?

YEAH, MAN. THAT'D BE GREAT.

YEAH, ALL RIGHT.

OKAY, ON THREE, EVERYBODY SAY "BIG BOOBS."

AS YOU CAN SEE, I'M HAVING A YARD SALE.

IT'S A GREAT WAY TO GET RID OF UNWANTED TREASURES.

AH, SEE ANYTHING YOU LIKE?

UH, NOT REALLY.

OH, WELL, WHAT ABOUT A BEST ACTOR AWARD?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I COULD NEVER TAKE THAT.

OH, IT'S OKAY. I'M NOT SENTIMENTAL.

BESIDES, I'M BETTY WHITE.

I'VE GOT MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM.

WOW.

SO WHAT DO YOU SAY? $100?

UH, YES, OF COURSE! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

HERE. OH.

THANK YOU.

OH, MY GOD.

IT'S A HOLLYWOOD TREASURE.

TRUTH IS, THAT ONE ISN'T MINE.

I WON IT FROM KELSEY GRAMMER IN A POKER GAME.

I'LL PUT THIS IN A BAG.

DO YOU MIND?

THANK YOU.

YOU MIND IF I SMOKE?

OH, NO PROBLEM.

THANK YOU.

UM, YOU KNOW, THIS WAS MY HUSBAND'S FAVORITE BUS BENCH.

REALLY?

COME HOME FROM WORK EVERY DAY FROM HERE.

IS THAT HIM RIGHT THERE?

YEAH. OH, WOW.

THAT'S MY HUGO.

HE LOVED THIS -- THIS BUS BENCH.

HE LOVED COMING HOME TO ME.

GOODBYE, HUGO.

I KNOW.

I KNOW IT'LL MAKE HIM VERY HAPPY TO BE HERE.

BYE, HUGO.

WHAT THE .

NO, I WAS WASTED. IT WAS A CRAZY PARTY.

I ENDED UP TAKING HOME A 22-YEAR-OLD.

HE WAS LOUSY IN BED.

YEAH, BUT HE DIDN'T HAVE ANY CONDOMS,

SO NOW I'M REALLY WORRIED.

NO.

I MEAN, I DON'T WANT TO GET PREGNANT.

WELL, I DO.

OH! WHAT A GREAT IDEA.

THE MORNING AFTER PILL?

OH, GIRLFRIEND, YOU SAVED MY LIFE.

OH.

HI.

WHAT'S UP, MAN?

MY TOOTH IS KILLING ME.

I-I WAS UP ALL LAST NIGHT WITH A TERRIBLE TOOTHACHE.

YOU KNOW, I-I CALLED MY DENTIST.

HE CAN'T GET ME IN TILL NEXT WEEK.

AW, DAMN. NEXT WEEK, HUH?

THAT'S TOUGH.

YEAH.

DO ME A FAVOR. WOULD YOU HOLD THIS FOR A SEC?

OH, YEAH. YEAH.

SCREW IT. I'M GONNA TAKE CARE OF IT MYSELF.

NO WAY.

NO. NO. DON'T DO THAT RIGHT HERE.

DUDE, YOU'RE F-- YOU'RE KIDDING ME.

NO! NO! NO!

NO, DUDE. DON'T DO IT.

YOU CRAZY SON OF A BITCH.

OH, WOW. ALL RIGHT.

WHOO.

WOW.

THAT IS SO MUCH BETTER.

I SHOULD HAVE DONE THAT A WEEK AGO.

.

I HOPE MY BAG HASN'T COME OUT YET.

I PARTIED FOR THREE NIGHTS IN VEGAS, AND I AM SO WASTED.

THAT'S WHAT VEGAS DOES TO YOU.

OH, MY GOD.

OH, AND I HAVE SUCH A HANGOVER YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE.

YOU EVER DONE THAT?

YEAH.

HERE COMES MY BAG.

OH, MY GOODNESS. I'M OKAY.

OH, MY GOSH.

OH, IT'S GOOD TO BE BACK IN REALITY IN THE REAL WORLD.

YOU KNOW, YOU PARTY AND YOU PARTY,

BUT THERE COMES A TIME WHEN YOU HAVE TO...

OH, MY GOODNESS.

WHEN YOU HAVE TO GET BACK IN THE REAL WORLD.

BLESS YOU.

BLESS YOU. SEE YOU LATER. THANK YOU.

WHEW.

EXCUSE ME. DON'T MEAN TO INTERRUPT YOU.

MY NAME IS RICHARD.

HI, THERE. YOUR NAME?

LAILA.

LAILA. THANK YOU, LAILA.

TARGET CONFIRMED. APPROACH WITH CAUTION.

I'M GONNA CLEAR THE AREA. TAKE HER DOWN.

WHAT?

WHAT IS THIS?

OH, YOUNG MAN.

COULD YOU PLEASE HELP ME OUT?

I'M -- I'M -- I'M...

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GET OUT OF THIS.

YOU HAVE TO TAKE THE SHIRT OFF.

TAKE THE SHIRT OFF?

LIKE, YOU HAVE TO SLIDE, PROBABLY.

SLIDE OUT?

YEAH, WHAT HAPPENED? HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?

I HAVE NO IDEA.

I LOST MY BALANCE, AND THE NEXT THING I KNEW,

I WAS IN THIS JAM HERE.

NO, YEAH -- NO, LIKE, TAKE THE...

LIKE THIS?

YEP, AND THEN PUT YOUR HANDS UP.

WELL, MAYBE, COULD YOU HOLD MY ARMS?

- YEAH, NO. NO. YEAH. HOLD YOUR ARMS. - LIKE THAT? OKAY.

ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. THAT'S GOOD.

LET ME SEE IF I CAN... OH. WAIT A MINUTE.

YEAH, YOU MIGHT HAVE TO SLIDE OUT.

YEAH. WAIT A MINUTE.

- I'LL TAKE THE HAT. - HOLD MY HAT.

YEAH. OKAY.

YEAH, LIKE, SLIDE DOWN OFF UNDERNEATH THERE.

OH.

ARE YOU THERE? YEAH, I'M HERE. I'M HERE.

OKAY. I'M RIGHT HERE.

ALL RIGHT. I HAVE A LITTLE CLAUSTROPHOBIA.

REALLY? YEAH.

TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF.

IS EVERYTHING OKAY?

TAKE THE SHIRT OFF YOUR HEAD.

YEAH, I DON'T KNOW.

I GOT TO -- I GOT TO GET BACK UP.

I GOT A CRAMP HERE. PULL ME UP HERE WITH THIS.

OKAY. OKAY.

YEAH. YEAH. YEAH. YEAH.

OH, THANK YOU. THANK YOU SO MUCH.

I HAVE TO GO TO CLASS, SIR. HERE YOU GO.

OH.

I'M SORRY. THANK YOU.

YOU'VE BEEN VERY HELPFUL.

ISN'T THIS SO TERRIFIC?

TO ME, IT'S LIKE ONE BIG PARTY --

LIKE THE ONE I HAD LAST NIGHT.

SURE, THINGS CAN GET A LITTLE MESSY,

MAYBE A LITTLE OUT OF CONTROL,

BUT IN THE END, ALL THAT MATTERS

IS A GOOD TIME WAS HAD...

BY ALL.

OH, NO. LOOK AT THAT.

WE'RE OUT OF SALSA.

YOU REALIZE

THAT YOU'RE TWO-AND-A-HALF FEET FROM THE CURB?

AH. IS SHE WITH YOU?

UH-HUH.

THAT BOX IS OVER THE SIZE OF THE LIMIT FOR THAT AUTOMOBILE.

IT'S VEHICLE OBSTRUCTION.

BUT CAN I JUST ASK HOW THAT'S OBSTRUCTING?

CAN I ASK HOW THAT'S OBSTRUCTING?

- STAND BACK, PLEASE. - OKAY, I'M SORRY.

I-I-I REALLY JUST -- I NEED TO KNOW THIS.

YOU KNOW WHY.

I REALLY DON'T.

YOU KNOW WHY.

THAT'LL FIT IN MY TRUNK, AND IT WON'T OBSTRUCT MY VIEW.

YES, BUT SHE WAS PUTTING IT IN THE BACK SEAT.

ALL RIGHT, WHAT'S IN THE BOX?

DO YOU WANT TO SEE MY RECEIPT?

I JUST BOUGHT IT FROM THE CO-OP.

IS THAT A WEAPON IN YOUR LEFT HAND?

NO, THIS IS A -- IT'S A T-SQUARE.

BACKUP REQUESTED, PLEASE.

MAN: Roger 2219, request for backup.

I WOULD LIKE YOU TO PLACE THAT --

PLACE THAT WEAPON ON THE -- ON THE SIDEWALK.

OKAY.

JUST REMAIN WHERE YOU ARE.

EXCUSE ME.

YES?

DO YOU SEE A GENTLEMAN OVER THERE IN A YELLOW SWEATER?

YEAH.

THAT'S MY HUSBAND,

BUT HE'S BEEN DEAD FOR THREE WEEKS.

OH, THIS IS FREAKING ME OUT. I GOT TO GO.

OH, GOD.

MY WIFE THINKS I'VE BEEN DEAD FOR THREE WEEKS.

AND IT'S BEEN GREAT.

PEOPLE TELL ME, "BETTY, YOU'RE ALWAYS GALLIVANTING

"ALL OVER TOWN WITH HOT, YOUNG STUDS.

"WHAT ABOUT MEN YOUR OWN AGE?

DON'T THEY DESERVE LOVE, TOO?"

WELL, OF COURSE, THEY DO.

ISN'T THAT RIGHT, MICHAEL?

I THINK I'M GONNA HAVE A HEART ATTACK.

THAT'S SO CUTE.

I'LL GET THE PADDLES.

ANOTHER GRAPE?

SAY, DO YOU KNOW A BODY SHOP AROUND HERE THAT TAKES CASH,

NO QUESTIONS ASKED?

NO.

I GOT TO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.

EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME.

HAVE YOU EVER TRIED THIS, THIS BREAD?

REALLY?

ACTUALLY, NO, I HAVE, YEAH.

WOW, IT'S REALLY, LIKE, A LOT OF BREAD.

I DON'T NEED THIS MUCH. WELL...

I HAVE TO USE THE WASHROOM. WOULD YOU WATCH THIS FOR A SEC?

YES.

ABSOLUTELY, SIR. THANK YOU.

I DON'T KNOW, THIS GUY TOLD ME TO WATCH IT.

EXCUSE ME.

YOU GOT 30 SECONDS.

EXCUSE ME?

I'D GET OUT OF HERE, IF I WERE YOU.

YOU CAN'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YA.

HE TRIED TO WARN YOU.

WHAT A GREAT SHOW.

I DIDN'T GET TO SEE IT ALL,

'CAUSE I'VE BEEN WORKING SO HARD ON THIS EMBROIDERY.

WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

"GEORGE CLOONEY SLEPT HERE."

OH, GOOD TIMES.

WELL, THAT'S IT FOR NOW.

WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT TIME.