Original subtitles

WOULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR?

WOULD YOU TAKE A PICTURE OF ME? YEAH.

YOU'VE GOT TO PRESS THIS BUTTON.

BUT IT'S GONNA BE A RUNNING SHOT,

SO I'M GONNA GO AROUND THE CORNER.

I WANT TO DO A COUPLE OF DEEP BREATHES,

AND I'M GONNA RUN AROUND HERE, AND WHEN I GET TO HERE,

I'M GONNA YELL, "TAKE MY PICTURE!"

OKAY?

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

TAKE MY PICTURE!

TAKE MY PICTURE! I'M BEAUTIFUL!

TAKE MY PICTURE!

HEY! NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!

NO!

NO!

HEY!

DO YOU KNOW WHAT A MILF IS?

OH, MY GOD!

HIT ME!

COME BACK HERE!

SAY "BIG BOOBS."

AAAAAH!

OH!

NOT ANOTHER MEDICAL-BRACELET COMMERCIAL!

I TOLD YOU TO GET ME A PART ON "MAD MEN."

NO, NO.

THAT THING BETWEEN JOHN HAMM AND ME -- THAT'S OVER.

WELL, HE THINKS IT IS.

THE JUDGE SAID 250 FEET,

BUT HOW ENFORCEABLE IS A RESTRAINING ORDER ANYWAY?

OH, I GOT TO GO, JEFF.

I'M BETTY WHITE, AND WELCOME TO "OFF THEIR ROCKERS."

HUGH HEFNER MAY PROPOSE TO 25-YEAR-OLDS,

BUT HERE, WE PRANK THEM.

AND THAT'S WHAT I LOVE ABOUT THIS SHOW.

AND I'D SAY THAT EVEN IF THEY DIDN'T PAY ME.

OH, BUT THEY DO.

EXCUSE ME.

- OH! - I'M LOOKING FOR MY REMOTE

THAT DOES THE THROTTLE ON THIS THING.

I LOST IT.

C-COULD YOU GET THAT FOR ME, HON?

WOULD YOU -- VERY SWEET OF YOU.

YEAH. JUST DON'T TOUCH -- DON'T TOUCH THE BUTTON!

THE BUTTON!

TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!

AAAAH!

OH, MY GOD!

NICE DAY, ISN'T IT?

- GOOD DAY TO FLY. - YEAH.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

PHOENIX.

OH. I'M GOING TO PHOENIX.

OH, YEAH? YEAH.

I'M KIND OF A CRAZY LADY, YOU KNOW?

I LIKE TO DO WILD THINGS.

AND THERE'S SOMETHING I ALWAYS WANTED TO DO ON A PLANE.

WHAT?

WELL, IT'S NOT FLY THE PLANE, SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY.

I'M NOT GONNA KILL YOU.

I WASN'T WORRIED.

YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW?

I'D LIKE TO JOIN THE MILE-HIGH CLUB.

THE MILE-HIGH CLUB?

UH-HUH.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN IT WITH ME?

THINK ABOUT IT. REALLY.

I MEAN, WHAT'S TO DO ON A FLIGHT?

NOTHING MUCH.

AND WHAT HAPPENS AT 36,000 FEET STAYS AT 36,000 FEET.

THINK ABOUT IT.

WOW. IT'LL BE FUN.

I TELL YOU WHAT, I'LL TRY TO GET EARLY BOARDING

AND SAVE YOU A SEAT NEXT TO ME, OKAY?

I'M GOING TO GET A DRINK. I'M GONNA GO GET A SODA.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. OKAY?

YOU THINK ABOUT IT.

OKAY.

- OHH! WAIT, STOP. - Man: HERE, BIRDY, BIRDY.

HERE, BIRDY, BIRDY.

HERE, BIRDY, BIRDY.

BIRDY.

HEY, GUYS, EXCUSE ME JUST FOR ONE SECOND.

I NEED SOME HELP.

I HAVE SOME FRIENDS COMING HERE.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THERE ARE ANY RESTAURANTS.

A LOT OF RESTAURANTS ON THIS CORNER.

ON THAT CORNER?

LOTS OF THEM. ALL DIFFERENT TYPES OF FOODS.

OKAY. WOULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR, THOUGH,

WHEN YOU'RE TALKING TO ME?

LOOK INTO MY EYES. STOP STARING AT MY , YOU PERVERT.

AT OUR AGE, WE REALLY HAVE TO THINK ABOUT OUR HEALTH.

DOCTORS SAY A GLASS OF WINE A DAY CAN EXTEND YOUR LIFE.

CHEERS.

LOOKS LIKE WE'RE GONNA LIVE FOREVER.

MOVE THE HELL OUT THE WAY, ASS CLOWNS!

GOD BLESS YOU.

OH, HELLO.

I'M FROSTING A CAKE.

IT'S MY FRIEND'S BIRTHDAY.

THERE WE GO.

OKAY. GET IN.

IT'S TOO SMALL. THERE'S NO WAY I'M GONNA FIT IN THERE.

OH, YOU'RE RIGHT.

NEVER MIND.

I'LL JUST FROST YOU INSTEAD.

MMM. MMM.

UH, EXCUSE ME. CAN YOU HELP ME?

HAVE YOU EVER TRIED THESE CAKES BEFORE?

NO.

I'M NOT REAL BIG ON, LIKE, PRE-MADE CAKES LIKE THAT.

YEAH?

I LIKE CAKE, BUT I DON'T EAT THIS MUCH OF IT.

- OH, FOR JUST YOU? - YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

OH, YEAH, THAT'S WAY TOO MUCH.

I THINK THEY HAVE LITTLE ONES IN THE BAKERY.

CAN YOU HOLD THE TOP FOR ME?

OH, UH-OH.

HYAH! OH!

THANK YOU.

PERFECT.

EXCUSE ME. OH, YES?

ARE THOSE MY BALLOONS?

ARE YOU SANDY? I SURE AM.

JUST A MINUTE. I HAVE TO GET THIS PHONE CALL.

OKAY, BUT I --

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I CAN'T -- AAH!

OH! OH!

AH! OH!

HELP!

HELP ME!

AH!

HELP ME!

OH!

HELP ME! HELP ME!

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!

OH!

HEY, HEY, HEY!

GOD, I TELL -- HERE, GIVE ME THOSE BALLOONS.

Man: LET GO.

OH!

YOU OKAY, SANDY?

I'VE NEVER SEEN THAT!

I WAS JUST WONDERING, IS THERE ANYWHERE

WHERE WE COULD RENT A CABANA OR AN UMBRELLA

AND MAYBE SOME DECK CHAIRS?

I THINK YOU HAVE TO GO TO, UH, www.rentacabana.com.

OHH, OKAY.

OKAY? DO YOU HAVE A -- YOU CAN DO THAT ON YOUR PHONE.

OH, ON THE PHONE?

YES, I THINK SO.

THEN WHERE WOULD WE PICK IT UP?

WOULD WE PICK IT UP AROUND HERE?

UH, I THINK THERE YOU'D HAVE TO GO TO wheretopickitup.com.

OHH. OKAY.

OKAY. AND, UM, COULD YOU --

CAN YOU RENT BICYCLES RIGHT DOWN AT THAT PLACE RIGHT THERE?

UM, I THINK IF YOU GO TO www.rentbicycles.net...

OKAY.

...THAT'LL GET IT FOR YOU.

OKAY, GREAT.

YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY.

THANK YOU. YOU'RE WELCOME.

AND THEN OUT HERE, IS THERE ANYTHING INTERESTING

DOWN AT THE END OF THE PIER HERE?

WELL, THAT'S endofthepier.com.

- OKAY. - OKAY?

WE'RE NOT ACTUALLY ON THE COMPUTER TODAY.

- WE'RE JUST RIGHT HERE. - I SEE.

SO SHOULD WE JUST GO DOWN THERE?

OR IS THERE SOMETHING --

LIKE, IS THERE A RESTAURANT DOWN THERE?

YOU MIGHT TRY restaurant.net.

OKAY. UM, OKAY.

THANK YOU. YOU'RE WELCOME.

HAVE A LOVELY DAY.

DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE CLOSEST RESTROOM IS I COULD USE?

I THINK YOU HAVE TO GO TO www.restroom.com.

- OH. - YES.

HAVE A NICE DAY.

OKAY, HERE IT COMES.

WHOO!

WHOO!

WHOO!

WHOO!

WHOA!

WHOO! WHOO!

WHOA!

WHOO-HOO!

WHOO! WHOO!

WHOO!

WHOOOO!

YOU WANT TO GET A BEER?

YEAH. YEAH.

- AND A HOT DOG, TOO. - OKAY, OKAY.

OKAY. COME ON.

- OKAY. - GOODBYE.

BYE.

♪ SHAKE THAT ASS! ♪

♪ SHOW ME WHAT YOU'RE WORKING WITH! ♪

♪ SHAKE YOUR ASS! ♪

♪ SHOW ME WHAT YOU'RE WORKING WITH! ♪

♪ WATCH YOURSELF! ♪

♪ SHOW ME WHAT YOU'RE WORKING WITH! ♪

♪ WH-O-O-OA! ♪

I DON'T KNOW IF I ACTUALLY KNOW.

WELL, I'LL JUST TRY THIS. WAIT.

YOU HAVE TO SMELL IT.

YES!

TAKE THAT, BETTY.

IN YOUR FACE.

AAH!

OHH!

OOPS. SORRY.

IN YOUR FACE.

HE GOT THE POINT.

AND SO DID THESE PEOPLE.

EXCUSE ME. CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?

YEAH.

MY BOYFRIEND JUST SENT ME A TEXT

ABOUT THINGS HE WANTS TO DO IN BED,

AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT ANY OF THEM MEAN.

OH. DO YOU KNOW WHAT A "BOSTON TEA PARTY" IS?

I DON'T.

HOW ABOUT A "CONNIE FRANCIS"?

A "CONNIE FRANCIS"?

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? IS HE CRAZY?

HOW ABOUT -- THERE'S A "LEMON WEDGE,"

A "BAGEL HOLE."

YEAH --

WHAT IS IT?

I DON'T KNOW. I KNOW "RUSTY TROMBONE."

- WHAT IS THAT? - UM, I THINK IT'S -- I THINK IT'S --

I DON'T KNOW. I FEEL TERRIBLE.

DO YOU LIKE THIS BOYFRIEND OF YOURS?

YEAH, UNTIL I GOT THIS.

MAYBE HE'S TRYING TO KEEP THE ROMANCE ALIVE.

I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE.

I GUESS I'M GONNA HAVE TO LEARN THE HARD WAY, ANYWAY.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

YOU'RE WELCOME. I'M SORRY I DIDN'T KNOW.

THANK YOU. ME EITHER.

I-I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S BAD THAT I DIDN'T KNOW

OR GOOD THAT I DIDN'T KNOW.

- YOU DIDN'T KNOW. - BUT I WISH I COULD HELP YOU.

THANKS.

HAVE A GOOD ONE. YOU TOO.

EXCUSE ME. HI.

CAN I GET A COCA-COLA, PLEASE?

OKAY, COCA-COLA.

NO, NOT -- NO, NO.

THAT'S HOT. I WANT A COLD COCA-COLA.

COLD COCA-COLA.

I DON'T WANT --

MA'AM, I DON'T WANT --

I TRY.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO OPEN MY SODA.

ARE YOU GONNA DRINK MY COCA-COLA?

DELICIOUS. OH, MY GOD.

$10. $10?

I DON'T WANT NO -- NO, NO, NO.

OKAY. I DON'T WANT THAT.

- I WANT COLD COCA-COLA. - THANK YOU FOR YOUR BUSINESS.

NO. I DIDN'T EVER HAVE BUSINESS WITH YOU

'CAUSE YOU NEVER SERVICED ME.

CAN I GET A COCA-COLA?

A SPRITE?

IF YOU HAVE A COLD SPRITE, I'LL TAKE A COLD SPRITE.

I'LL TAKE A COLD SPRITE.

CERVEZA?

ARE YOU GONNA SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE NOW?

HOT DOG.

CAN I GET A COLD SPRITE NOW?

- OKAY. - I'LL TAKE A COLD SPRITE.

- OKAY. - DO YOU HAVE A COLD SPRITE?

YES.

- CAN I GET A COLD SPRITE? - YES.

- CAN YOU GO GET THE COLD SPRITE? - YES.

- CAN YOU GET IT NOW? - YES.

OKAY, I'M WAITING FOR YOU TO GO GET IT.

MA'AM. YES? COKE.

NO. HOT DOG?

NO. I DON'T WANT THE HOT DOG.

I CANNOT HELP YOU.

- NO, YOU CAN HELP ME. - I DON'T LIKE YOU.

I DON'T LIKE YOU EITHER! YOU ARE OUT OF CONTROL!

YOU SHOULDN'T BE WORKING!

I QUIT. I QUIT. I QUIT.

EXCUSE ME.

ARE YOU LEAVING?

I CAN'T EVEN BELIEVE YOU. EXCUSE ME, MA'AM.

MISS, I WANT MY SODA!

GOODBYE.

SHE STUCK HER MIDDLE FINGER UP AT ME! MA'AM!

EX-- PERMISO!

THIS LADY IS CRAZY.

IT'S NOT DONE.

DON'T LITTER, DARLING.

OH.

I HOPE YOU'RE ENJOYING THE SHOW.

AFTER ALL, I CONSIDER YOU MY FRIENDS.

AND I WANT MY FRIENDS TO HAVE THE BEST TIME POSSIBLE.

HOW ABOUT YOU, ANN?

ANYTHING ELSE I CAN GET YOU?

WELL, UM, THERE IS THAT ONE THING.

YOU GOT IT.

OHH, BETTY.

YOU SHOULD SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I RING THIS BELL.

HELLO?

IS THERE ANYBODY HERE?

CAN YOU HELP ME?

YES, YES.

YES, SIR?

DO YOU SEE A BLUE MUSTANG?

IT'S RIGHT HERE.

I KNOW IT'S HERE SOMEPLACE.

- IT'S RIGHT HERE. - CAN YOU HELP ME?

YES, SIR.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

IS THIS THE DRIVER'S SIDE OR --

NO, THE DRIVER'S SIDE IS OVER HERE.

OH. I HAVE TO GO TO THE DRIVER'S SIDE.

ARE YOU GETTING READY TO DRIVE THIS CAR?

UH, YEAH.

ARE YOU PREJUDICED AGAINST BLIND PEOPLE?

NO, BUT YOUR CAR'S ON THE CURB HALFWAY, SIR.

I GOT IT HERE.

YOU MIGHT WANT TO BACK AWAY.

HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!

OH, EXCUSE ME.

EXCUSE ME.

YOU ALMOST GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK.

OH, MY GOD!

EXCUSE ME.

HOW YOU GUYS DOING TODAY?

HEY, CAN YOU DO ME A FAVOR?

THERE'S A REALLY ANGRY OLD LADY IN A BLUE SUIT --

IT'S MY WIFE.

SHE'S -- I'M TRYING TO HIDE FROM HER.

CAN YOU JUST -- IF YOU SEE HER COMING,

WOULD YOU JUST KIND OF GIVE ME A WARNING, YOU KNOW?

I'LL TRY AND GET AWAY.

Woman: JIM!

- THERE! - OVER THERE.

SHE'S REALLY CRA-- WHAT? WHAT?

- OH, NO. OH, GOD. - GET OVER HERE.

GET OVER HERE NOW!

LISTEN, DEAR --

I-I --

DON'T EVER TALK TO ME LIKE THAT AGAIN!

I'LL SEE YOU AT HOME.

- EXCUSE ME, MISS? - YES?

WOULD YOU MIND WATCHING THIS FOR ME FOR ONE MINUTE?

I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.

OKAY. WOULD YOU PLEASE?

W-WHAT'S YOUR NAME, SWEETHEART?

- DONNA. - DONNA. DONNA, THANK YOU SO MUCH.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

PHEW.

THANK YOU, DONNA, YOU'RE A LIFE SAVER.

EXCUSE ME. YOU GOT THE TIME?

UM...

IT IS 12:21.

THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT. THAT'S WHAT I HAVE.

I'M SUPPOSED TO MEET MY OLD LADY HERE AT 12:00.

WE HAVE A DATE, YOU KNOW? A HOT DATE.

WITH MY OLD LADY, YOU KNOW? I GOT A HOTEL ROOM.

WE'RE GONNA REALLY PARTY.

SHE'S STILL HOT, YOU KNOW, AFTER ALL THESE YEARS.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

I DON'T MEAN TO BE FORWARD,

BUT, I MEAN, WE STILL, YOU KNOW, CAN BOOM-BOOM-BOOM,

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

BUT I WISH SHE'D GET HERE.

I HOPE SHE GETS --HEY, HONEY.

- OH, HEY. HOW ARE YOU? - SORRY I'M LATE.

HEY, HERE'S THE OLD BALL AND CHAIN NOW.

SPEAK OF THE DEVIL. THANKS, LADIES.

READY TO GO GET SOME ICE CREAM?

LET'S GO TO THE BEACH.

GO TO THE BEACH? OKAY.

YOUNG LADY, DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE THEATERS ARE?

THE THEATER? YOU HAVE TO GET --

DO YOU GO IN THROUGH THIS WAY?

RIGHT OVER HERE?

WHOO-HOO!

WHOO-HOO!

BEFORE WE SAY GOOD NIGHT,

IT'S TIME FOR "BETTY WHITE'S PEARLS OF WISDOM."

NOW LISTEN CAREFULLY 'CAUSE THIS COULD CHANGE YOUR LIFE.

FLOSS EVERY DAY,

EAT PLENTY OF FRESH FRUIT,

AND NEVER, EVER TEXT A PHOTO OF A BODY PART THAT DANGLES.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

SEE YOU NEXT TIME.