Original subtitles

[♪♪♪]

♪ There's a time for love And a time for livin' ♪

♪ So take a chance And face the wind ♪

♪ An open road and A road that's hidden ♪

♪ A brand-new life Around the bend ♪

♪ There were times ♪

♪ I lost a dream or two ♪

♪ Found the trail ♪

♪ And at the end was you ♪

♪ There's a path you take And a path not taken ♪

♪ The choice is Up to you, my friend ♪

♪ Nights are long But you might awaken ♪

♪ To a brand-new life ♪

♪ Brand-new life ♪

♪ A brand-new life Around the bend ♪

Call him a rebel with a cause.

Local parents' association president Tony Micelli

is about to spend the next 48 hours on a billboard.

Why, Tony?

Because it's there, Russ.

[ALL LAUGH]

No, the whole point of this is

to remind people that's it's fun to read.

We're gonna be asking for pledges

for every hour I'm on that billboard.

And no amount is too small, Russ.

How much are you in for?

I guess...a buck.

[CHUCKLES] Oh, you cheapo.

Next question.

Tony, won't you be lonely up there?

I'm gonna be with my buddies. Here they are now:

Romeo and Juliet and Moby Dick.

Two star-crossed lovers and a whale.

Uh, Tony...

What is all this big deal about reading?

Well, let me see if can field that one for you, Russ.

See, reading takes you out of this world

and puts you in another one.

It's like our slogan says:

"Escape with a book."

Ah, very clever, Tony.

That was my idea.

She's in the frame, Russ.

I guess I should give credit to Miss Angela Bower

from the Bower Agency.

Please, no commercials.

323 east 57th street.

Validated parking in the rear.

And I am her mother.

Of course, my slogan was much better.

"Take a book to bed,

or at least somebody who's read one."

Russ, you're losing control here.

Tony, don't you think it's time

to make that long, lonely climb?

You're right. Here we go.

Let's go, folks. Let's get ready.

Gimme me stuff.

Did you remember your toothbrush?

Yeah, I got everything.

Give me this here.

Here goes.

Your books!

Oh, don't forget my books.

Bye. Bye-bye.

Bye! Bye!

Tony Micelli, a man with a mission.

But can he make it for the next 48 hours,

isolated, all alone, without human contact,

completely cut off from the rest of the world?

[PHONE RINGING]

Oh, that must be for me.

[GRUNTS]

Hello.

Yeah, Mario. No, no, a large pizza.

Large, yeah. Double cheese.

Have it here, say noonish.

Okay. I love you too. Bye.

Hello, little people.

[ALL GREETING]

[PHONE RINGING]

Pledge central.

How may I bilk you?

Two dollars an hour?

Well, that's very generous.

Two lousy bucks an hour? Phil...

Phil, do you remember that hardware convention

in Cleveland you invited me to?

Well, how'd you like it

if I blew the whistle to Mrs. Phil?

Ah, thanks, Phil.

Phil's Hardware: 20 bucks an hour.

Twenty bucks an hour?

Mona, that was blackmail.

I, on the other hand, rely on my charm.

That's why you get two bucks an hour.

[PHONE RINGING]

Pledge central.

[PHONE RINGING]

Joanne, is something wrong?

Why aren't you answering the phone?

An earlobe can only take so much.

It would've been so much easier

if we'd done the tea party, like I suggested.

But we always have to do what Tony wants.

Billboards, boxing matches, block parties!

That is why we have the wealthiest parents' association

in the state.

Am I supposed to be impressed with that?

I mean, this charity is an absolute bring-down.

Oh, well, time for my pedicure.

Be sure and say hi to your groomer.

Oops! Hi! Hi!

Well, how'd it go, my little pledgester?

Great! Look at all the pledges we got from the mall.

That's wonderful! Sam what did you get?

These new shoes!

Aren't the cute?

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello, pledge central.

[IN DEEP VOICE] Uh, I would, uh-- I would like to--

I would like to pledge a thousand dollars

for every hour that that great American is up there.

A thousand dollars?

Ah, what the hell,

make it 2000.

I-I love your sexy voice, yeah.

Wait-- Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Eddie, is this you?

[NORMALLY] What do you mean Eddie?

Gotcha.

That'll teach you to toy with my emotions.

[IN DEEP VOICE] Ah, you love it.

[LAUGHS] [PHONE RINGING]

So how's life in the great outdoors?

[NORMALLY] Oh, it's great.

It's great, except for the pigeons.

Get out of here!

[PHONE RINGING] Oh, hold on.

Just a second. Sam wants to talk to you.

Hi, Dad.

Hi, sweetheart.

Dad, do you remember that guy, Chris Owen?

The answer's no.

Oh, come on, Da--

He only wants to take me to a movie.

No way, Sam. I won't be there to meet him,

to get to know him, and to scare him.

But, Dad, come on.

I love you too, sweetheart. Put Angela back on.

Bye, Dad. TONY: Bye.

Here, Angela. Oh.

[PHONE RINGING]

Me again.

So-- So how's things at pledge central?

Tony, the phones are ringing off the hook.

Fairfield is really behind you.

Not just Fairfield.

There's a lady here from Baltimore.

She saw Tony on the local news.

A lady's calling from Baltimore.

She saw you on the local news!

She's pledging $100.

She's pledging $100!

Two hundred if he'll father her child.

She's pledging $100.

So kids, read Moby Dick.

Huh? It's beautifully written.

It raises some deep philosophical questions.

And I'm telling you,

the big guy eats more people than Jaws.

[HUMMING JAWS THEME]

All right. All right, pledge fans.

Now, look, I've been up here...

Let's see. I've been up here for 10 hours,

ladies and gentlemen.

And I know. I know it's the dinner hour,

but we can't afford a lull.

Put down that veal chop, and get on the horn.

Hey. What do I gotta do to get more pledges, stand on my head?

[DOORBELL CHIMES]

Hello. Well, you must be Angela Bower.

Yes. I'm James Winslow.

Hello. National director of the parents' association.

Please, come in.

Thank you very much.

You know, back in Washington,

we've heard great things about your reading campaign.

Well, thank you. Welcome to the hub of activity.

A little slow right now, but look at these figures.

Oh...well,

this chapter's done it again.

Well, it's Tony. He's so dynamic and so creative.

So upside-down.

All right, pledge fans, keep them pledges coming

or I'll sing too.

He's got so much charm, so much humor.

He does, doesn't he?

Oh, he's a diamond in the rough, a man of the people.

A-A modern-day Abe Lincoln.

♪ Give my regards To Broadway ♪

♪ Remember me To Herald Square... ♪

[♪♪♪]

Lonely at the top.

[GROANING]

Oh! Hey!

All right.

There. Hm.

Well, let's see.

Hi, Angela.

Yeah, yeah. I just called to say good night. Yeah.

And I wanted to remind you to wind the upstairs clock.

Oh, and do me a favor.

Give the kids a good night kiss from me, huh.

Oh, and, hey, most important,

make sure you tape all my TV appearances.

Yeah, well, I'm doing a lot of boffo stuff up here,

and I want my grandkids to see it.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, don't forget, lock the front door.

Oh, yeah, I'll do the same.

Good night, Angela.

Oh, thank you very much.

Will that be cash, check, or charge?

Pledge central. May I help you?

I can't believe it, Bonnie,

he won't let me go out with anyone

until this stupid marathon is over.

You think Jerry Lewis' daughter has to put up with that?

Angela, I'm afraid I have some bad news,

something that could put a black cloud

over your happy household.

You're moving next door?

What are you talking about?

Why don't we just tune in and see.

RUSS [ON TV]: Thank you, Tony Micelli

and parents' association honcho James Winslow.

A man, a billboard, a dream,

and you saw it here on channel 6.

Just one minute, please, Russ.

Tony, I know this is a bit unorthodox,

but I'll make this offer in public.

I don't wanna give you a chance to say no.

How would you like to be

our national coordinator for special projects

in Washington, D.C.?

That's the longest job I've ever been offered.

And the best.

Yeah, you're telling me.

Washington, D.C.?

Does that mean you're moving, Sam? Shh.

JAMES: So, what do you say, Tony?

Well, Jimbo...

[ALL LAUGH]

I'm certainly flattered, I really am,

but I'm going to have to pass.

You heard it here.

How can he turn that down,

unless he's getting major fringe benefits at home?

Oh, Joanne, not everyone is as lucky as your gardener.

Well, twerp,

looks like you're still stuck with me.

Yeah, isn't it great?

I think it's terrific.

Don't you, Angela?

Angela.

Yeah, yeah. I think it's wonderful.

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh, I know the signs.

You're all alone and you're eating.

What's the matter?

It's nothing to worry about.

Well, of course there is.

I'm your mother. I'm concerned.

I wanted some of that cake.

Okay, come on. What's bugging you?

It's just-- It's just a strange feeling I have.

You're not pregnant, are you?

Oh, of course not. How could that happen?

It's just something about the way Tony turned down that job.

It seemed so fast.

Well, everyone is not a muller like you are.

It took you four months to pick out your scenic checks.

I don't know. Mother, why do you think he didn't take it?

Who cares? Angela, you worry too much.

I know. I know. That's why those little lines

around your eyes are getting bigger.

Maybe I should talk to Tony.

Why don't you just leave well enough alone?

But he could be making the biggest mistake of his life.

So could you, Angela.

Oh, good, good.

All right. Come on, baby.

Oh, that sun, it feels so good.

Gee, I hope I don't burn.

This isn't working.

Yoo-hoo, anybody home?

Angela, what are you doing here?

Well, I just happened to be in the neighborhood,

so I thought I'd drop up.

Well, come on. Come on in here.

Come on in. Thanks.

Hey, hey,

have a seat. Have a seat.

I got all the comforts of home,

except for central heat, you know.

I brought you a remedy for that...

some hot consommé.

Oh, good, I can soak my feet in it.

Oh.

[SIGHS] You know, Angela, I'm glad you came,

because I've been thinking.

I've been reading Romeo and Juliet.

Oh, that's a great story.

It's really romantic. Hey.

They're both Italian too. [LAUGHS]

But anyway...

Anyway, I was just thinking...

You think I'm too strict with Samantha?

I mean, if Juliet's parents would've lightened up,

those two kids would be living happily in Verona Heights.

[LAUGHS] I like that ending better.

Ah.

Uh, Tony, I, um...

I wasn't just in the neighborhood.

I wanted to talk to you.

Oh.

Well, what'd you do? You, uh...

You mixed chicken and beef bouillon? Yeah.

It's good.

Speaking of good,

I saw you on the news this afternoon.

Oh, yeah? How did I look?

Five pounds heavier?

Sure, but so does Roger Ebert.

I must say, I really liked the way

you handled the interviews.

Only one thing bothered me.

What? What you said.

I should've never called him Jimbo.

I knew that-- Tony, Tony...

I've been in business a long time,

and I know opportunities like this

don't come along very often.

Do you think you gave this decision enough thought?

Come on, Angela, you kidding me?

I just moved Sam from Brooklyn to Connecticut.

What am I gonna do? Drag her outta some place,

put her in a new school?

And Jonathon, I mean,

he's just starting to come out of his shell.

He's shooting hoops and everything.

I can't leave before he makes a basket.

And, uh, what about you?

Yes? And Mona-- And Mona.

She's a constant problem.

I mean, raising her isn't easy, you know.

Will you listen to yourself?

You're talking about everybody else's needs.

What about you?

You got to start thinking about your future.

Hey, Angela, are you trying to get rid of me?

No, no.

It's just that I don't want you to wake up in a couple of years

and say, "I should have."

Tony, when I saw you on TV...

I saw something in you I've never seen before.

Ah, come on. You've seen me stand on my head before.

No, really.

You...

You can do anything you set your mind to.

You think so?

I know so.

Well, gee...

You know,

if I did take that job,

I'd be the first Micelli to go to work in a tie,

except for Uncle Freddie, the mortician.

But I'd be the first Micelli to go to work with a tie

and work with live people.

Well, maybe I should just leave you to your thoughts.

Thanks a lot.

You drink that consommé now.

Yeah, yeah. I sure will. Okay?

Okay. Great. Bye. Bye.

[♪♪♪]

[LAUGHING] Tony...

I can't get down.

What do you mean?

You got up okay.

Well, coming up I was looking up,

but going... I can't even say it.

Oh, you mean you have that acra...

What do you call it, with the heights?

Deathly fear of. That's it.

Tony, I don't think I can get down without your help.

Oh, Angela, I can't help ya.

The minute I step off this billboard,

it's bye-bye, pledge money.

I'll cover it.

It's a lot of money.

Well, what are we going to do?

Well, mi billboard es su billboard.

Huh? Come on.

Okay. All right.

Um... How are you feeling?

Much better. Thanks.

Okay, well, time to hit the old pup tent.

You mean move?

Yeah. Come on.

I'll peel you off the billboard.

Come on. Nice and easy.

Now look, don't look down.

Nice and easy.

Don't look down. I got you.

Watch out, now. We're almost there.

We're almost there.

I don't know much about camping,

but isn't it a bad omen

when your tent flies away?

Don't worry about it. We'll be warm.

Come back. Come back. Guess what I got.

What? I got a sleeping bag!

Just one?

Well, I'm sorry, but I wasn't expecting drop-up guests.

Don't worry about it.

Hey, look, I've had two people in here before.

I mean, there's plenty of room.

Here we go. Here.

Just hang on.

I'll make it real easy for ya.

All right. You step in there.

Step in feet first. Go ahead.

[WHIMPERING] I know, I know. Don't look.

Just...

I know how hard it is to step.

Come on. That's a girl.

That's a girl.

Now me.

Now me.

Take it easy, take it easy.

Take it easy!

Let me get in.

All right, here...

Here we go. Good.

Whoa! Just kidding.

Just kidding.

Just kidding! Just kidding.

Here we go.

Hold on.

Hold on.

Mmmph!

You putting on a few pounds?

Just kidding!

There you are. All right.

Okay, now look.

When I say three,

we just slide to the ground.

Okay. Ready? One...two...three.

Hey, that wasn't so bad, was it?

No. It's actually kind of cozy.

Yeah. Ohh...

[BOTH SIGHING]

Oh, the city lights.

When you're down there in the middle of it,

you never notice how really beautiful it is.

Yeah, well, I guess to really appreciate it.

You have to be above it.

You know, way up, looking down.

Tony.

I'm sorry. Okay.

Well...I guess we'll call it a night.

Hey, no reason to lock up!

[BOTH LAUGHING]

[BOTH SIGH]

Good night, Tony.

You know, uh...Angela,

I-- I really do appreciate

your coming all the way up here

and bringing me that great consommé.

And, uh...

And, you know, helping me think this thing out.

Well...anything to get out of the house.

Hey, Angela...

Yeah?

How would you feel if I took that job?

I'd be proud.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Ah...

Well, I-- I never did like wearing a tie, anyway.

Good night, Angela.

Good night, Tony.

Well, the Tony Micelli billboard marathon

has officially come to a close.

Here he comes now, making his final descent.

TONY: Come on, Angela. Relax.

One rung at a--

That's a girl. Here we go.

Nice and easy.

Guess what's coming up. Oh, no!

The ground. Take it easy.

Come on, here we are.

[ALL CHEERING]

Oh, terra firma,

I'll never leave you again.

The reading campaign has been a huge success.

The parents' association has made over $10,000!

Could you break this up, please?

I need a clear shot. No way.

I'm never letting go of this family!

Oh, that's my favorite part.

I could watch it forever.

I was afraid of that.

Yeah, yeah. Just let me rewind it.

Oh, no!

Do we have to watch it again?

Yes. Yes.

Oh, no!

[♪♪♪]