Original subtitles

♪ There’s a time for love And a time for livin’ ♪

♪ Take a chance And face the wind ♪

♪ An open road and A road that’s hidden ♪

♪ A brand-new life Around the bend ♪

♪ There were times ♪

♪ I lost a dream or two ♪

♪ Found the trail ♪

♪ And at the end was you ♪

♪ There’s a path you take And a path not taken ♪

♪ The choice is Up to you, my friend ♪

♪ Nights are long But you might awaken ♪

♪ To a brand-new life ♪

♪ Brand-new life ♪

♪ A brand-new life Around the bend ♪

Oh, Dad, I just love my new jeans.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

That’s okay.

Nothing’s too overpriced for my little girl.

I hope it didn’t blow our whole budget.

I still got enough to buy myself a stamp.

The knee, right there.

Samantha, what are you doing?

Putting holes in them, so I could wear them.

Wait, let me get this straight.

We move to Connecticut from Brooklyn

so that we could live a better life,

and now you want to look like a bum?

Yeah. Isn’t it great?

You know, Dad,

you could be cool.

Not me.

My knees aren’t cute enough.

Suit yourself.

Well, actually...

Ooh, cute knee.

[PHONE RINGS]

I’ll get that.

Hello.

Yes. This is she.

Oh.

Oh, that’s wonderful!

Oh, I’m so excited!

My little girl got her first obscene phone call.

Oh, I’m sure it’ll be fine.

But let me talk it over with him, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

He really is special, isn’t he?

Oh, well...

Well, thank you. Bye-bye.

[CHUCKLES]

So, what have I done now?

I don’t know, but I just got the best news about Jonathan.

After only one week back at school,

the teacher wants him to skip sixth grade

and go to junior high.

Wow. This is great.

He’ll bring home his college friends

a whole year early.

TONY: Oh, Mona.

I am so proud of him.

I have been grooming him for this for 12 years.

Angela, he’s only 11.

I read the classics to him in the womb.

I knew he listened.

Where would he go, dear?

Wait a minute, Angela, think about this a second.

Aren’t we moving too fast?

Think this over.

What’s there to think about?

Any good mother would jump

to give her child a leg up on life.

Are we going to hear that dirge again?

I had the opportunity

to go from kindergarten to the second grade,

but you didn’t think I was ready.

I thought you lacked some social graces.

She kept throwing her dress over her head.

Oh, yeah?

You’re not the only one with cute knees.

Look. Jonathan’s bored with his schoolwork.

It’s a great challenge.

But Angela, he’s going to have to make a bunch of new friends.

And let’s face it, Jonathan’s not exactly Spuds MacKenzie.

Do I detect the odor of sour grapes?

Sour grapes?

What is that supposed to mean?

Well, some people’s daughters are good students,

but then there are other people’s sons

who are exceptionally gifted super achievers.

Well, whoop-de-doo.

Come on, Angela, all I’m saying is

a kid should have a chance to be a kid.

You seem to be quite the expert on this.

Did you ever skip? You bet I did.

I skipped the fifth grade.

That’s right.

Of course, I had to take it over that summer...

Look. I have a breakthrough notion.

You probably think it’s crazy,

but why not ask the kid?

It’s too bad you didn’t think of that

when opportunity knocked at my door.

Oh, brother.

Jonathan!

Hey, Angela, don’t push this kid.

Let him make up his own mind.

Give me a little credit.

Yeah, Mom? Sweetheart.

How would you like to enter

a world full of new challenges,

new ideas and endless adventure?

We’re going to Epcot?

[HUMMING]

Hey, here he is. The best and the brightest

at Fairfield Junior High.

How are you, Jonathan?

Hungry.

A man of few words.

What’s with this appetite stuff?

They got you doing heavy construction?

Oh, there it is.

Jonathan, that’s my drumstick.

Sorry, Mom. I’ve been thinking about it all day.

Wait a minute, I put the other drumstick

in your lunchbox this morning.

Yeah, that was delicious too.

Maybe you should start packing

bigger meals for Jonathan.

Why don’t I send a catering truck to the school?

Is that an A I see on that test paper?

Yeah. Do we have any more potato salad?

Wait a minute.

I gave you plenty of potato salad this morning.

Oh, yeah.

The teacher wrote a note.

"Excellent work. Well thought out.

Perfect margins."

Who’s stealing your lunch?

Stealing?

Well, they didn’t actually steal it.

They pinned my arms down and took it.

Oh. Sweetheart!

Who did this to you?

Monday, Brian took it. Yesterday it was Greg.

And today, Cynthia.

Cynthia?

She’s not big, but she’s mean.

Why didn’t you tell us?

I’m calling your teacher.

No, Mom. Don’t do that.

He’s right. There’s nothing worse than a squealer.

I’ll speak to those little hooligans myself.

One thing’s worse than a squealer:

a mama’s boy.

This mama’s getting to the bottom of this.

Now, Jonathan, come here.

Do you have any idea

why they’re picking on you?

It beats me. They know how gifted I am.

I told everybody.

Maybe they’re jealous because I’m the only kid

with a designer briefcase.

Jonathan, if you want to make friends,

it’s not a good idea

to tell everybody you’re gifted.

That’s like bragging about how rich you are.

Uh-oh.

Jonathan, you know better than that.

But I don’t know what else to say.

I don’t want to be in junior high anymore.

Jonathan.

Honey, that doesn’t sound like you.

You have never been a quitter.

But, Mom-- You’re going through

a period of adjustment.

Meanwhile, stay away from the rough boys.

And Cynthia.

Do you know what you need?

You need a friend.

You go up to somebody

who looks like a good conversationalist.

You introduce yourself,

tell them some witty anecdotes.

Before you know it,

you’ll have plenty of friends.

You have anything to add?

Yeah. Dump the briefcase.

And I look forward to meeting with you soon

to discuss things further.

Best regards, Angela Bower.

We’d better go over that again.

My mind wandered.

I’m afraid I may have missed something.

All right.

Read what you have.

Ahem.

"Dear Mr. Henderson,

"regarding the marketing

of your new line of male undergarments..."

Yes?

That’s where my mind wandered.

So touchy.

Hey, everybody.

Where have you been?

Check it out.

Jonathan!

Outrageous, huh?

Whoa, slap me, Jack,

I want to get back.

Whoa, Jonathan. Cool coif.

You’re all spruced and moussed.

Jonathan, why did you do this to your hair?

Because it’s me. It’s outstanding. It’s now.

It’s stiff.

A Hindu could sleep on that.

This is great. He’s really loosening up, isn’t he?

He was so darling the other way.

Do you want him to look like the Dutch Boy paint can

the rest of his life?

Really, Angela, come on.

Lately he’s been showing confidence.

He’s keeping his lunch.

He even picked up a bad little swagger.

He did swagger. Yeah.

[DOORBELL RINGS] Hey.

Check out his male role model.

[SCOFFS]

That’s my friend, Walter.

He’s even got a buddy.

Sure. He followed my advice.

Hey, Walter.

Hey.

Come on in.

Hey, everybody, this is Walter.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Well, Walter, it’s such a pleasure to meet you.

Ugh. Uh...

Great earring, Walter.

Can I have the other one?

[MUMBLES]

He says no.

So, what do you want to be when you grow up,

a speech therapist?

[LAUGHS]

So, Walter,

something to wipe your feet on?

[MUMBLES]

You seem a little mature for the seventh grade.

[MUMBLES]

He was held back a year.

His teachers just didn’t understand him.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Go figure.

So how did you two meet?

Well, my locker was right above Walter’s locker,

so he had to lift me up so I could reach it.

But then I said, "Let’s switch lockers."

Walter thought I was a genius.

Yes.

So, what are you two doing this afternoon?

[MUMBLES]

Hold it, hold it.

I think I got it.

You’re going to the arcade!

Ugh! [ALL CHATTER]

Oh, they loved you, Walter.

[GRUNTS]

Well, he’s not exactly the playmate I had in mind.

Did you say playmate or primate?

[PHONE RINGS]

Hello.

Listen, Angela, take it from me.

I spent a lot of time on the streets,

and I can tell a troublemaker from a good kid.

That kid’s okay.

Don’t judge him because he mumbles and wears earrings.

Mm-hmm.

Yes, I’ll give her the message.

Goodbye.

Angela, you’ve been a bad girl.

You’ve been called to the principal’s office.

What?

Walter and Jonathan

have been terrorizing the school.

Like I said,

never trust a kid who wears an earring and mumbles.

[WHIMPERING]

Hey, Angela, could you stop squeaking?

Come on, what are you so nervous about? Sit down.

Jonathan has never been in trouble with the principal.

As a matter of fact, neither have I.

Well, you lucked out.

You happen to be with a guy with season tickets

to the principal’s office.

You kidding me? When I graduated,

they retired the ruler.

The ruler?

Yeah, you know, the old knuckle buster.

I know, I know. My principal had one too.

It never happened to me, but I had nightmares for years.

Okay, all right. Take it easy.

This is the ’80s.

Principals aren’t like that anymore.

I mean, they try to communicate with the kids.

They listen to the kids’ problems.

They try to be a friend to the child.

[SOBBING]

She probably just got something in her eye.

Mrs. Bower?

Will you come in, please?

He’s next.

You’re first.

All right, all right. Now, Angela, look,

don’t think of this guy as a principal.

He’s a man who earns less than you.

Mr. Crebbins, it’s very nice to meet you.

It’s important that parents and educators work together.

I welcome this opportunity.

Who’s he?

I’m Tony Micelli, sir.

I’m her housekeeper.

He also helps me take care of Jonathan.

I think it’s important for a boy...

Miss Bower, we have a big problem.

I’ll come right to the point.

Your son Jonathan is causing a lot of trouble at our school.

Be a little more specific.

I’ll be a lot more specific.

I’ll read the highlights.

"Throwing water bombs at the crossing guards.

Snapping girls’ brassieres."

All right!

You find that laudatory, Mr. Micelli?

No, Mr. Crebbins.

Just that every guy did that stuff

when he was a kid.

I snapped my share of bras, didn’t you?

I guess not.

Moving right along.

"Forcing a hall monitor to pretend he’s a horse

and using him for transportation."

And my personal favorite,

"Mooning the girls’ gym teacher."

You mean my son actually exposed his little--

Angela, yes, that’s what it means.

Well, Mr. Crebbins,

I’m so glad you brought this to my attention.

I will make sure Jonathan understands

that this behavior is unacceptable,

and I’ll forbid him to see that boy Walter.

You know, Walter. The mumbler.

Miss Bower,

I had a long talk with Jonathan this afternoon.

The problem goes a lot deeper than Walter.

In fact, it might be traced directly to you.

Hold on here, Mr. Crebbins.

Angela Bower never mooned anybody.

Thank you, Tony.

Well, you know what I mean.

She’s a great parent and mother.

If I was to have a kid today,

I’d want her to be the mother.

Tony, that’s so sweet.

Well, I would.

You’d be a great father.

You think so? I do.

I have a few faults, but--

Would you two like me to leave?

Mrs. Bower,

your son desperately wants to please you.

He knows you want him to be popular.

But from a child

who’s just skipped an entire grade,

those are very high expectations.

Almost too high.

You see what he’s doing

to try to fit in.

I...I see.

Look, Angela, don’t worry about this.

This is not the end of the world.

We’re in this together. We’ll work it out.

CREBBINS: He’s right, Mrs. Bower.

You obviously have a very good relationship

with your son.

And a very interesting one

with your housekeeper.

Boy, oh, boy. Come on, Sam.

Hurry up.

Get the scissors.

I got to get my jeans ready for my date tonight.

Now, Mona, slow down.

This takes concentration.

You have to do it just right,

otherwise, you’ll show too much thigh, okay?

Okay.

You make a little nip,

and then pull gently.

Okay. Got it?

There we go. There’s the little nip.

There’s the little nip.

All right.

And now I gently pull.

Okay. Here we go.

Okay.

Uh-oh.

Oh...

well...

it’ll be okay.

I’ll teach you how to wash them.

Teach me how to shrink them.

[SIGHS]

Jonathan?

Jonathan? Yeah, Mom?

Would you come down here?

We want to talk.

Will this take long?

I’m working on projects upstairs.

Science projects?

No. Extracurricular.

It’s the extracurricular

we want to talk about.

We just came from the principal’s office.

Oh, did he mention me?

It’s funny, but your name did come up.

Jonathan, I’ve made some mistakes,

and you have made some mistakes.

I’m going to do some changing,

and you’re going to do some changing.

And guess who’s going first?

But I don’t want to change.

Things are going real good.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Where are you getting your information from?

Is Jonathan home, sir?

Walter, is that you?

Sir, yes, sir.

Come in.

Walter! What happened?

Where’s your earring? Where’s your crummy clothes?

Your image is totally shot.

My dad’s sending me to military school.

I’m going to have a career

in the armed forces.

Oh, we’ll all sleep better knowing that.

[CAR HORN HONKS]

I came over to say goodbye.

From now on, you’re on your own.

I’m passing the exploding cigar over to you.

Make me proud.

Bye.

[GRUNTS]

This is terrible.

Don’t worry.

The Army has survived much worse.

Not him. Me. I lost my friend.

Well, Jonathan, maybe that’s for the best.

But he was my ticket to popularity.

He was your ticket to trouble.

You’ll be much better off on your own.

I don’t feel good.

I think I’ll be sick tomorrow.

Hey, Jonathan, come on now.

For a guy in junior high school,

that’s a major copout.

You’re right.

Mom, I want to go back to sixth grade.

Well, Jonathan...

if that’s what you want,

you got it.

What?

See, this is where I do some changing.

There’s no pressure.

You can go back to sixth grade.

if that’s what you want.

It’s totally up to you.

Is this some kind of trick?

Your mother’s on the level.

Then I’m going back to my old school.

Well, everything was fine,

up to the "totally up to you" part.

Yeah.

Well, I think I’m going to turn in, okay?

Yeah, I think I will too.

Gosh, it has been a long day.

Tony...

I don’t know.

I just...

I just don’t know if I did the right thing.

It’s a very big decision to leave to an 11-year-old.

Yeah, well, Angela, look, you did the best you could.

I mean, hey, raising a kid

is a high-risk activity.

Would you have done what I did?

Well, I don’t know. It’s a judgment call.

I mean, it’s like when you buy a new car, you know?

You get a manual, you know what I mean?

With a kid, you’re on your own. You can’t even trade them in.

Hi, Mom. Hi, Tony.

Hey, champ.

What are you doing up?

I was waiting for you

to tell me to go to junior high tomorrow.

Jonathan, I am not going to do that.

Don’t you care about me anymore?

Of course I do.

It’s just that you’re growing up.

You’ve got to start making your own decisions.

Boy, this is a tough one.

If I go back to sixth grade,

it’ll be a lot easier.

But if I stay in seventh,

I’ll get to chop up a frog.

I don’t know what to do.

ANGELA: Jonathan?

Yeah, Mom?

Chop up a frog.

Really?

Thanks, Mom.

Good night, Tony.

Good night, pal.

Ah...

Oh, ho, ho, ho!

You did real good there, Mom.

And, hey, without a manual.

You really think so?

Yeah, I do.

You know what else I want to say?

I meant everything I said

in that principal’s office today.

Oh, Tony.

And I did too.

Because you know,

I love snapping brassieres.

Oh!

♪ You got to fight For your right ♪

♪ To party ♪

[MONA LAUGHS]

You’re playing my song, Sam.

You’re going to stop the show

at that rock concert tonight.

I think it’s great

that Tony is letting her go.

I have respect parents who give children some freedom.

And a seat next to him.

Come on, Dad. We’re going to be late.

Could you believe this?

I’m going to a concert with my father?

Is there anything more humiliating?

[YELLING]

Come on. I’ll see you.

[♪♪]