Original subtitles

[♪♪♪]

♪ There's a time for love And a time for livin' ♪

♪ So take a chance And face the wind ♪

♪ An open road And a road that's hidden ♪

♪ A brand-new life Around the bend ♪

♪ There were times ♪

♪ I lost a dream or two ♪

♪ Found the trail ♪

♪ And at the end was you ♪

♪ There's a path you take And a path not taken ♪

♪ The choice is up to you My friend ♪

♪ Nights are long But you might awaken ♪

♪ To a brand-new life ♪

♪ Brand-new life ♪

♪ A brand-new life Around the bend ♪

Whoa, Angela!

You look fantastic.

And you look-- Is that what you're going to wear?

What? What? The socks are wrong?

I knew it.

No, I just thought a jacket and tie

were required at L'etoile.

Oh. Sorry I didn't mention it,

but I canceled that reservation

and made one at the Boar's Head Pub. Ooh!

The Boar's Head Pub for a blind date?

No, I chose L'etoile because of its ambiance.

Oh, the Boar's Head Pub is loaded with ambiance.

You can throw your peanut shells right on the floor.

Sounds charming. I hope they have spittoons.

Oh, yeah. Real ones. Brass.

Hold on, Angela, now wait a minute. Wait a minute.

We have to give Lyle and Christy a good example.

We got to make believe that we get along.

I sure hope this works.

Do you think fixing them up was a good idea?

Are you kidding me? Your cousin, my old buddy?

Hey, it's in the bag.

Okay.

I'm just a little nervous about tonight.

You know, we've never done anything like this before.

Well, look, look, look.

If sparks fly, that's terrific.

But if they don't, at least we gave romance a shot, huh?

And it's about time too,

after three years of heavy breathing.

On my part.

You two crazy kids.

I want you both to know that you have my approval.

Wait a minute, us?

Oh. Oh.

You thought we were going out?

[LAUGHING] No.

[LAUGHING] No. No, no, no.

Well, I should have known better.

Angela, you better not wait too long.

You're gonna be out of warranty.

For your information, Mother,

we're fixing up Tony's friend Lyle with Christy.

Lyle?

Christy?

Wait. What's wrong with Christy?

What's wrong with Lyle?

He's such a fungus.

Fungus?

All this guy ever talks about is sports and medicine.

Maybe that's because he's a sports doctor.

What a lame excuse.

Yeah, you think he's bad?

Wait till you see Christy.

She's 30 and had three dates.

That's a date a decade.

A decade?

How could you insult her like that?

She's a member of our family.

Well, so are you, dear.

Guys, it will work out.

You know what they say:

nerds of a feather...

Get out. Get out. Now, wait a minute.

This is her first date in the '80s?

It's her second date.

She didn't have any dates in the '60s.

Oh, great. She's-- She's on a roll.

Some people are a little discriminating

about the kind of fungus they go out with.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Fungus, huh? Fungus?

Fungus?

Hey, hey, doc. How are you? Come on in here.

All right, Angela, I want you to meet Dr. Lyle Everett,

MD, PhD, and all-around fun guy.

Fungi.

[GROANS]

So I've heard.

Come on, sit down. How was your day? Tell me.

Oh, it was a killer. It's the play-offs.

I had to repair four defense men and two goalies.

The last case was rather interesting.

I mean, the player was diagnosed

as having a sprained tibial posterior.

But after careful examination,

I realized what he had was a hairline fracture

of the metatarsal.

All right.

[CHUCKLING]

Amazing.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Ooh...

[SING-SONGY] I wonder who that could be.

I heard great things about this gal.

This is her decade.

Christy, hi.

Come in.

You look great.

I do?

Yeah, hi, Christy. I'm Tony.

Nice to meet you. I want you to meet...

Come here. Come here, doc.

I want you to meet Lyle Everett,

world-famous jock doc.

Hi.

Hi.

Oh, are they getting along or what?

I'm sorry I'm late.

No, you're not late. You're a little early.

Oh, am I too early? Traffic was light. I'm sorry.

No, no, it's okay. Look, relax. No problem.

I'm apologizing too much, aren't I?

I'm sorry.

Well, okay, okay!

Look, hey, hey, we still got some time

before we have to leave,

so why don't we sit down and have some more laughs, huh?

Uh, Tony. Tony.

Um, maybe we should let Lyle and Christy sit there.

It's more conversational.

Good point.

Go right ahead. Sit down.

S-- So Christy, heh, heh.

You know, Lyle here is one of the foremost physicians

in sports medicine.

He had a very fascinating day.

Tell us about it, Lyle.

A guy had a busted foot, and I fixed it.

See what I mean? Eh? Isn't he something? Huh?

You know, to make him even more interesting,

he's the team physician for the New York Rangers.

[GASPS] Isn't that a coincidence?

Christy is a kindergarten teacher

for the New York Public School system.

[LAUGHS]

[TONY CLAPS]

What a small world!

Really!

[BOTH CHUCKLING]

Teaching is very challenging work, isn't it, Christy?

I guess.

Well, hey, you must be loaded with fascinating stories, eh?

No.

Isn't this great?

This is fabulous. Fabulous.

This is fun, eh?

Good fun, good conversation, huh?

And the night's just beginning.

[♪♪♪]

Morning.

Oh, good morning, Angela.

What are you doing up so early?

Well, I got enough sleep last night on the date.

Oh, come on.

It wasn't that bad.

I saw the way he put his arms around her.

Angela, that was the Heimlich maneuver.

She was choking on a mouthful of mutton.

Well, he maneuvered her very tenderly.

Tony, if you looked closely,

you could see they were really connecting.

What connecting? Are you kidding me?

They said three things all night:

Hello, goodbye, and I'm choking.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Excuse me.

[SCATS]

We've got something we can't wait to tell you.

But if this is a bad time, we can come back later.

Well-- No, come in.

Come in. Come in.

[LAUGHING] Okay.

Go ahead, Lyle. Tell them.

No, no, go on, you tell them.

Oh, okay.

[CHUCKLES] You better tell them.

No, no. You tell them.

Look, hey, why don't you guys flip a coin?

No! Would you just please tell me?

We're getting married!

Well...

Whoa!

Those are some serious carats.

Oh, just a couple of ligament operations.

[LAUGHS]

He breaks me up.

I knew it!

I knew it! I just knew I was right.

[SCOFFS]

Well, jeez. Gosh, you guys really move fast there.

Come on, sit down. Tell me about it.

What happened, doc?

Oh, something-- Something wonderful.

Something...magical.

She sprained her ankle.

Oh, wait, was that when you tripped on the spittoon?

No, not that time.

Uh, on the cab ride home,

my foot got tangled up in the seat belt.

Sounds like kismet.

No, kismet was three hours later when her ankle swelled,

and she called me.

And he made a house call.

Well, well, well-- Then what'd you do, buddy?

Well, I applied a cold compress.

And then I elevated her leg.

Lyle, Lyle. I mean between you and Christy, what happened?

Oh, we-we just started...

talking and-- And laughing,

and we-we stayed up all night.

We got to know each other.

Oh, she's a great schoolteacher.

She's just...

She's got finger painting anecdotes

that will slay you.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Oh, Lyle.

[GIGGLING]

Well...

Well, gosh. Congratulations!

Welcome to the family, cousin Lyle.

I knew deep down inside-- I knew this would work out!

Well, very deep down, I had a feeling.

All right, here we go now.

Smile, dear.

I am smiling.

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]

You are a lovely bride.

Thank you.

Mother.

Oh, yeah. Ditto.

And I wanna thank you again for introducing me to Lyle.

Thank you. He is a wonderful man.

I just can't thank you enough.

Believe me, you can.

And I also wanna thank you for

inviting us to have the wedding--

You're welcome.

Well, looks like you're all ready to go.

You got something old, something new,

something borrowed-- Ooh, we need something blue.

Oh, my ankle.

Lyle told me that one.

[CHUCKLING]

So, dear, do you have any questions for your Aunt Mona

about what happens after the wedding?

Oh, no. No questions.

Lyle and I have a book.

Oh, good.

Does it have pop-up pictures?

Christy, this is going to be a perfect wedding.

I ordered the cake from Antoine's,

the flowers from Blossom Boutique,

the book from Bee Dalton's.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

And your groom is downstairs just counting the seconds

until he sees his beautiful bride.

[ALL GROANING]

A minute-thirty and he gets nailed?

What's gonna happen now?

I think it's gonna be a mad rush to the bathroom.

It's a commercial.

Thank God.

Well, here is the official photographer,

ready to preserve all of those precious memories.

Want a picture of me and my best man?

No. Later.

Here, take a picture of me and my hockey players.

Jean-Claude and Pierre. Ooh-la-la.

All right. Say brie.

ALL: Brie...

[CHUCKLES]

Thank you.

Hey, are they allowed to break their sticks

on the other one's head?

Hey! It's back on!

[ALL CHATTERING]

Oh, I don't believe it!

Okay, everyone. The bride is ready.

It's time to begin.

[ALL EXCLAIMING]

As I was saying, the bride is ready.

It's time to begin.

Oh, Angela, Christy's been ready for 30 years.

A few more seconds won't matter.

Mother, I don't think--

Angela, please. Angela, please.

The wedding is scheduled for 4:00.

It is 3:59 and 10 seconds.

I didn't realize we scheduled

an entire wedding around a hockey game.

Hey, I'm a born organizer.

[TONY CHUCKLES]

[ALL EXCLAIMING]

I-- I don't know, Tony, uh...

Maybe she's right.

How can we start? The organist isn't here.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Ha!

Hi. I'm the organist.

Good, you're just in time.

I know. There's 38 seconds left!

Okay. Everybody take your places!

Well, personally, I'm comfortable right here.

All right, Angela. All right.

It's over. It's over in four. In three, two--

Oh, no, he scored!

[ALL EXCLAIMING]

It's a sudden death!

Tough luck, Mom.

I don't believe this.

TONY: Oh, what a game!

♪ Da, da, da, da ♪

ALL: ♪ Da, da, da, da ♪

♪ Da, da, da ♪

[ORGAN PLAYING FAINTLY]

You won't believe this.

Your wedding is being delayed because of a hockey game.

Oh.

Lyle loves hockey.

It's okay.

No. It is not okay.

Well, he is giving up the Rangers game

at the Garden tonight.

This is the most important day of your life.

Well, that's true.

It should not be put on a backburner

because of some Neanderthal sport

that's played with a puck and a stick.

I never thought of it that way.

Well, think about it.

If you want me to.

Christy. Lyle is taking you for granted.

You have got to stand up for your needs.

Sudden death is no way to start a marriage.

Maybe you're right.

Of course I'm right. It's your wedding day.

Men know how to take the romance out of everything,

and we let them get away with it.

Why do we do that?

I don't know.

Well, we shouldn't.

Good girl!

Christy, where are you going?

To give Lyle a piece of my mind.

Now?

No, you do that after the wedding!

ALL: ♪ Da, da, da, da ♪

♪ Da, da, da, da ♪

♪ Da, da, da, da ♪

[ALL EXCLAIMING]

You call that a body check?

Well, it's not my way of doing it.

Would you stop?

Christy...

TONY: Oh! Oh! Hey!

That's a high stick, ref! Did you see that?

Aw, that guy's a bum!

Lyle, I'm ready to get married now.

M-me too, sweetheart. Me too.

[ALL EXCLAIMING]

Lyle, I'm ready to get married right now.

[SIGHS]

Okay, sweetheart.

Oh, McFie! McFie can really skate!

What? What?

Lyle, you're ignoring my needs.

Sudden death is no way to start a marriage.

[ALL EXCLAIMING]

Honey...

Honey, can we just wait till this is over?

Come on!

It's over.

[ALL EXCLAIMING]

Christy, it's just a little delay.

Don't do anything you're going to regret.

He's putting the most important day of my life

on the back burner for this Neanderthal sport.

Goodbye.

And thank you for a lovely afternoon.

[ALL EXCLAIMING]

We did it!

Well, that wraps that up.

I don't know about the rest of you,

but I am in the mood for a wedding.

[LAUGHS]

Good!

Then you can marry Lyle.

Poor guy. Hope he's all right.

He looked so depressed when he left.

You ain't kidding. He wouldn't stay for the post-game show.

Maybe he wasn't really meant for marriage after all.

Yeah. I guess maybe it runs in his family.

You know, his mother wasn't married either.

Hey, wait a minute.

If she wasn't married, then where'd he come from?

St. Louis.

Oh.

[TONY CHUCKLES]

Whew.

I just can't get over it.

I mean, one minute, Christy was a shrinking violet,

the next minute, she was Sigourney Weaver.

Yeah, I know, it's really weird.

When I left her alone upstairs there with Angela,

she just seemed--

We should have known.

I tried to light a fire under her.

I didn't think she'd explode.

Well, you can thank your lucky stars my sister is dead.

Otherwise, you'd have a lot of explaining to do.

[SCOFFS]

Hmph!

What's that supposed to mean?

Nothing.

Heh.

What did you say?

Nothing.

But now that you mentioned it, Angela,

I would be remiss if I didn't say

that I'm a bit disappointed in you.

You're disappointed in me?

Yes. I mean, well, for someone who loves romance so much,

you certainly clubbed it to death.

Me? I'm the one who planned this entire wedding.

And I was looking forward to a beautiful day,

where we could share the joy

of sending two people off on a wonderful life together,

and what happened?

I'll tell you what happened.

You tore them asunder.

Tony, if anyone tore them asunder,

it was you and that dumb hockey game.

[GROANS]

Tony.

I hope you don't take this the wrong way,

but you have become totally insensitive.

Well,

how can I take that the wrong way?

All I know is you've changed.

You're not the same man who used to bring home flowers.

Not for me, for the house.

Well, that was back in the days

when you were much more considerate.

You'd be late, and you'd call me.

Twenty minutes is nothing to you,

but it means a lot to a roast.

When was the last time you baked me

chocolate chip cookies with walnuts?

You know they're my favorite.

I make them all the time.

You just eat too fast to notice.

Well, how would you know?

You're always running off to some athletic event

or some Parent's Association meeting.

And what about you? With all the work you bring home,

you hardly have any time talk to me.

Well, excuse me for being a professional.

Well, excuse me for being responsible.

You're excused.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Hey, look what I found.

Uh, did I come at a bad time?

Yes.

I can come back later.

No, no. Come in, Christy.

I have to talk to Lyle.

Well, you could, if he was here.

Oh, no. He left?

I love that man.

I have to tell him, and I've gotta tell him fast.

Otherwise, he's liable to find another woman.

I think you've got a few minutes.

[CROWD CHATTERING EXCITEDLY]

[ORGAN PLAYING]

Hey, Gary!

[LAUGHS]

I didn't know that hockey was so musical.

It's like the Ice Capades.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

You see that person out there with no teeth?

That's Dorothy Hamill.

There he is.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Wait a minute, Angela. Wait a minute, now.

You know what happened last time you tried to help.

Please. Let me handle it. You stay here.

Yes. Right.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Sorry. Hey, Lyle, what do you say?

Oh, I'm sorry. There's no more empty seats.

Oh, here's one.

[GROANS]

Lyle, I think we have to have a talk.

Look, Lyle, listen to her.

This could be the most important conversation

in your whole life. By the way, what's the score?

Rangers 3, 1.

All right, Rangers!

Um...

Lyle, I'm sorry I walked out on you.

You're sorry?

Chris-- No, no. I'm sorry.

You're sorry?

Look, look, you're both sorry, okay?

Hey, Angela, could you shift your weight just a bit?

Sorry. Oop!

I-- I really appreciate you coming down here.

I mean, and-- And everything.

Oh, my pleasure.

Can we get married now?

I don't know, Christy. I've been thinking...

I think maybe it's better that the wedding is off.

I mean, I'm an insensitive sports junkie.

You can do a lot better.

Believe me, I can't.

I don't know, I--

I've been alone so long. Maybe I should stay this way.

No, no, no, no.

Alone is bad. Together is good--

Angela, could you give me a little room here?

Oh, what Tony's trying to say is that

living under the same roof with someone special...

just makes life better.

Well, not always.

I mean, sometimes you have a fight.

But then you wake up in the morning,

and they're there for you,

unless they left early.

But maybe they left you a note on the refrigerator.

But even if they didn't--

Would you please bottom line this, Angela?

Alone is bad, together is good.

Are you just saying that?

No, no, I--

I mean it.

Yeah, we, uh-- We both mean it.

Maybe we should leave them alone.

Oh, unless, of course,

you want to watch the hockey game.

No. I can do that anytime.

Let's go read the book.

Hey.

All right, pal. Bye.

Excuse us.

Excuse us.

Excuse us.

[ORGAN PLAYING "BRIDAL CHORUS" BY RICHARD WAGNER]

TONY: Hey!

[TONY LAUGHS]

Nice couple.

Mm-hmm.

Hey, are we great matchmakers or what?

Isn't it romantic?

Yeah.

There's an empty seat.

If you don't mind, I'll just slip over there.

Oh, no, no. I don't mind.

Oh! My...

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Well...

This is very exciting.

I've never been to a hockey game before.

[STAMMERING] Well, let me tell you something. You're in for a real treat.

What does that red circle on the ice indicate?

Oh, it indicates blood.

Oh.

[HUMMING]

--discussing things like that--

You make a big deal out of nothing.

Oh, Tony.

What lovely flowers.

Are they for... the house?

Oh, I know how the house likes flowers.

And, uh, by the way, Angela, it's very considerate of you

to call when you're gonna be late,

but it's-- But it's not necessary when

you're gonna be four minutes late.

Well, four minutes can mean a lot to a roast.

What is this, June and Ward Cleaver?

No, Mona. We're just trying to be a little bit more sensitive

to each other's needs.

And not take one another for granted.

You know, Mother, it wouldn't hurt

if you took other people's feelings

into consideration once in a while.

Why?

Ah, you made these for Angela?

Oh, thank you.

[♪♪♪]