Original subtitles

["BRAND NEW LIFE" THEME PLAYING]

♪ There's a time for love And a time for livin' ♪

♪ Take a chance And face the wind ♪

♪ An open road and A road that's hidden ♪

♪ A brand-new life Around the bend ♪

♪ There were times ♪

♪ I lost a dream or two ♪

♪ Found the trail ♪

♪ And at the end was you ♪

♪ There's a path you take And a path not taken ♪

♪ The choice is Up to you, my friend ♪

♪ Nights are long But you might awaken ♪

♪ To a brand-new life ♪

♪ Brand-new life ♪

♪ A brand-new life Around the bend ♪

[MONA ENTERS]

Oh, Mother, how sweet.

You went to the Wilsons' garden

and ripped off your first flower of the season. [MONA CHUCKLES]

The rite of spring.

When the first hard-hats come out and say,

"Hey, baby, you want some of this?"

Don't you think that's a bit crude?

That's the point, Angela.

JONATHAN: Mom! Mom! We beat Tony.

SAMANTHA: Beat him? We crushed him.

TONY: Oh, come on, Come on. You just got lucky.

The next time I'm playing with both hands.

Dad, remember you always told me

that winning isn't everything?

Boy, were you wrong.

[TONY MIMICS]

Angela, between you and me, I let them win.

You know, it helps build up their confidence.

I don't believe you.

Face it. You are so competitive. You hate to lose.

Well I--,I haven't had that much practice.

Hey, but I'll tell you what I'm going to do now,

I'm going to make you a great lunch.

I'm going to make you the best lunch, a winning lunch.

Tony, I'll tell you what. It's a beautiful spring day.

Let's go to the Fairfield Inn

and we'll have a nice refreshing salad.

You know, Angela, if we're going to do spring,

let's do spring, huh?

I'm talking a big, thick, roast beef sandwich

huh? dripping with mustard.

And a-- and a side of beans with them

with them little pork cubes floating around in there. Yeah.

Now, that's refreshing.

Where do I sign up?

Marty's Melody Room.

You mean that dive in Brooklyn?

Oh, hey, that's no dive. It's a joint.

[TONY CHUCKLES]

Oh, come in, come in.

Huh? Huh?

Now see, Angela. It's spring, all right.

The smell of pool chalk is in the air.

Hey, get a load of this place, huh. Hasn't changed a bit.

Come on, I'll introduce you to Marty.

Hey, paisan.

Yo.

Wait a minute. You ain't Marty.

No, I'm the new owner, Kim Lee.

But you call me Marty. I'm not changing the sign.

Oh. Okay, Marty. You... Hey, you still got them roast beef sandwiches?

Sure. It comes with fried rice and an egg roll.

[TONY CHUCKLES] Kim, make it two.

And throw in a couple of brewskies, barkeep.

Ooh, Angela.

Talk that inner-city talk, huh?

You're bad, bro.

[TONY SCOFFS]

Hey. Thanks, Marty.

[TONY LAUGHING]

Oh. Hey, Angela, check this out.

The old pool table. Huh. Come here.

I'll show you some very cool pool moves, huh?

Stand back and... and watch the master at work.

Hey look. Watch this shot.

Oh! Oh!

Look! You hit them. Look at them all go.

And you got one in!

Well, uh... I usually get two or three.

Hey. You want to try?

Well, what do I do? Ah come on,

I'll set something up for you here.

Huh? Huh? Huh?

Okay. Here you go. Come here.

All right, put your hand like this.

All right, just one hand there, like this. Other hand here.

Make a little circle with your fingers.

Oh. There you go. Tricky.

I say, come this way a little.

Oh. Just aiming you.

Okay, and, uh,

hey, don't be-- don't be disappointed if-- if you don't get any in.

This takes years of practice.

Oh! You see?

I got one in!

That's a nice shot. Nice shot. Give me that.

Hey. Um... I'll just use this 13 ball.

Okay, now, watch this with me. Okay?

Kim Lee? two roast beefers to go.

Make them thick and dripping with mustard.

What's the matter?

That voice...

I'd know it anywhere.

Darlene?

Tony? Tony Micelli?

Gee, I can't believe it! Me, either!

What are you doing here? Well I--

No don't tell me.

First warm day of the year. Right?

You got it. You got it.

Gee. At last, one of the guys.

Yeah.

Oh, I want to introduce you to somebody.

Angela Bower, this is Darlene Delvecchio.

Oh, it's always nice to meet one of Tony's guys.

Pleased to meet you too, and it's Petardi now.

Ooh!

He's a very successful entrepreneur.

And the sweetest disposition.

This neighborhood stinks!

There's no place to park a caddy!

Sweetie-kins, come here.

I want you to meet a friend of mine.

Tony Micelli, Angela Bower,

this is my husband Tony Petardi.

So this is the famous Tony Micelli.

Well, you married a Tony.

It's nice to meet you.

Yeah. How are you doing?

I do fine, thank you.

Actually, I do unbelievably well.

Well, I'm unbelievably glad.

So, uh... do you folks live around here?

Nah...

but Tony's first mattress store is around the corner.

This is where the dream began.

Now I got three outlets in the Triborough area.

I'm the manufacturer, the wholesaler, the retailer--

I do it all.

Don't I, dear?

Yes, my little mattress munchkin.

Ooh!

There's a hair in my beer.

Wow. Just like the old days.

Yeah.

That happens to me all the time.

Tony sheds worse than a dog.

In high school, he was voted most likely to recede.

Well you know, a lot of men lose hair. It's perfectly natural.

Except for you, Tony.

You seem to have more hair now than you did in high school.

Huh. Oh, it's a-- It's a curse.

[LAUGHS]

It takes forever to dry.

Um... the ladies' room.

I'd like to freshen up. Oh, its right back there.

Hey, its the one with the one with the mop bucket in.

Quaint.

I better go with you.

Someone's got to hold the door closed.

So, uh, were you and Tony an item?

Well, I could tell you where his other tattoo is.

Let's talk.

So, Tony... how do you make a buck?

Oh, well, Tone, uh...

I'm-- I'm Angela's housekeeper.

Housekeeper?

That's an interesting line of work.

How much you pull down?

Ah well, I do-- I don't like to talk about money.

[TONE CHUCKLES]

I love to talk about money.

That's how I got a big house with a-- with a big yard.

Also got a big car... big dog...

big parakeet.

Big newspapers, huh?

Hey Kim Lee. How are them sandwiches coming?

Hey. Let me handle this, Tony.

Hey, Kim Lee, my main man. Let's hustle it up.

You got a VIP over here.

"Very Important Petardi."

Coming right up, sir.

What a jerk.

I know how to handle people.

I tell you I got a big staff?

Big office... big typewriter.

Angela...

Hey, uh...

how about you and me playing a friendly little game of pool?

I can really run a table.

Yeah, yea, I know Big stick...big score...

big deal.

Come on.

Darlene told me you were good pool player.

when you were younger.

Well, look, maybe some other time all right, so?

You should be glad Tony doesn't wanna play.

He'll kill you.

And thank you for your continued support.

There sandwiches. Two sandwiches to stay and two to travel.

Well, it was great seeing you again, Tony.

Yeah. You too, Darlene.

All right, already. Let's go.

See you tomorrow at the barbecue.

I'm looking forward to it.

Barbecue? What Barbecue? Hey. We don't got to go to this thing, do we?

No. We're giving it.

What a feeb. Who invited him anyway?

Good question.

That guy is a total dufus.

What is he doing in our backyard?

Another good question.

Okay, okay, so I invited them.

I just thought you might like

to have some people over from Brooklyn.

People, yes. Petardi, no.

All right, well, they're here.

So why don't we just be good hosts and put on our happy faces

and go on out there?

You know, Angela, this barbecue reminds me

of your 10th birthday party.

I think I'll do now what I did then.

Goodbye.

TONY: Hey, Micelli,

how about a game of badminton?

No, thanks.

TONY: What's the matter?

Scared of the little birdie?

Boy, I tell you, that's it.

I am going out there

and I'm mopping up the lawn with that guy.

You're not-- Do not go out there and make a scene.

Just remember, remember you are a bigger person than he is.

Angela, whatever you do, don't mention big.

Okay. I won't.

I promise.

All right, what do you say we go out there

and throw another shrimp on the barbie?

Okay. You grab his feet.

I can't believe you, Micelli. You invite me over,

you don't want to play any games.

I don't know why do you keep talking about this guy, Darlene?

Take away the hair, the muscles, the pretty face, what do you got?

[IMITATES CHICKEN CLUCKING]

Okay, that's it. Name your game,

your time, and your place.

Oh now, this is childish. Remember, this is a barbecue,

not a track and field event.

She's right, shortcake.

Remember your ulcer.

And you don't want your tendinitis to flare up.

Why don't you give them my whole medical history?

I didn't mention your hiatal hernia.

All right Micelli. What's it going to be?

Hey, you name it.

I can beat you at anything.

Pool.

Tomorrow.

Marty's.

You're on.

And you're dead meat.

You're deader meat.

I-- I love barbecues.

This is a lovely place you have here, Angie.

Why, thank you.

So, uh...

tell me...

just how old are your mattresses?

What?

Oh, I don't know.

Uh... nine, 10 years, maybe. Whew.

Maybe they need replacing.

Mmm.

You don't want to commit mattress-cide.

[BOTH LAUGH]

And me, as the king of mattresses...

I could easily make you my queen.

Oh! Hyah!

Oh, it worked!

My instructor was right!

Are you okay?

Fine. No problem.

Can I get you anything?

No! Stay away from me.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

You're not to blame.

I'm the one who should be sorry.

I'm just under a lot of pressure lately.

Oh, what uh... what's wrong?

For years, I've been chasing the myth

the myth of Tony Micelli.

You have no idea what it's like

living in the shadow of another person.

Oh, I do.

My roommate at college was head cheerleader,

homecoming queen,

had a boyfriend named Dirk

and she was Phi Beta Kappa--

Hey, I'm the one who's opening up here, okay?

Sorry.

Sometimes I...

Sometimes I think Darlene married me

just so when we make love and she calls out "Tony",

she won't be calling out the wrong name.

And I just want you to know how

how truly sweet my Tony usually is.

Maybe he's surprised his colon was kicking up.

To tell you the truth, I-- I think it would help

if you didn't put him down so much.

Put him down?

Well, I love my little butterball.

Well you see, there you go. there you go.

I mean you don't call a grown man a butterball.

It's a term of endearment.

Well, to a turkey, maybe.

Wow. You really understand human nature.

You should have been a bartender.

What can I say? The road not taken, you know.

I'm really worried about him though, Tony.

I mean, what if he plays tomorrow and then he loses?

Wouldn't that damage his ego?

I think it could.

Sorry to butt in. I have an idea.

Oh sure, I know what your idea is.

You want me to call off the game.

No. I want you to throw the game.

Throw a game?

Don't you see? If you let Tony win,

you'll give him back his self-esteem.

You don't throw a game.

You don't shave points You don't go in the tank.

I mean, you gotta strive to do your best every opportunity.

And that's the code I live by.

If you lose, you won't ever have to see him again.

Okay.

Great miss.

Really bad.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Now don't forget to act disappointed.

Oh, yeah, yeah. How about this?

Oh! Darn! Oh, darn.

Darn, darn, darn.

Careful, careful not to overdo it.

Oh, okay, well, how about this?

Oh, I missed. Phooey.

Oh! Phooey is good.

Oh, yeah? All right, I'm going to do phooey. All right.

Micelli.

Petardi.

Ready?

Ready.

Nice suit.

I know.

Straight pool, 100 points.

We flip for the break.

Call it in the air.

Heads.

Tails. You lose.

[GIGGLES]

Get used to it.

That'll be the day.

Good start, Tony.

Would you leave me alone?

Cue.

Right away, dear.

Cue.

Get it yourself.

Would you help me out?

Watch closely, Micelli.

Maybe you'll learn something.

[PETARDI LAUGHS]

Aah!

Damn!

Hey, Kim Lee, is this regulation felt?

Yes, Mr. Petardi.

What a jerk.

Well, you didn't leave me much.

Ah. Let's see. I'll... I'll shoot the 14 in the corner.

Oh.

[SCOFFS]

Ooh, I missed. Phooey.

You muffed an easy one that time, Micelli.

Five ball in the corner pocket.

Yes!

Eat my chalk dust.

Yes!

Yet another yes!

Boy, I'm good!

Let's see. I'm up by, uh...

Ah, who cares? All I know is I got a big lead!

Angela, I could take this guy. I know I could.

I know that and you know that.

And that should be enough.

It isn't.

TONY: Yes!

[PETARDI LAUGHS]

So Micelli, you want to keep playing or quit now

and save yourself the humiliation?

No comment, huh?

Hey, baby, what do you think of your king now?

What you are doing is for the greater good.

Yeah. When this is over, they gonna name a church after me.

Seven ball. Corner.

Oops... I mean, all right!

Nice shot, Micelli. This next one's easy.

Who knows? Maybe you can make two in a row.

[PETARDI LAUGHS]

Why, you dirty...

Ooh! Yes!

Well, I finally missed one.

Will wonders never cease?

Well, let me see...

eh... I need one ball to win the match,

and you need 21.

Which means you have to clean this table and the next one.

Of course, all that cleaning shouldn't be difficult for a housekeeper.

[LAUGHS]

Eh, would you be more comfortable

playing with a mop?

Just ignore him, Tony.

Yeah. Yeah. Right. Right. Right.

[SNIFFS]

What's that cologne you're wearing?

Is that Pine Sol or lemon Pledge?

No, no. That's Mr. Clean.

It's okay, Tony. Yeah. It sure is.

So, how did you get to be a housekeeper, anyway?

Couldn't you get a job in the real world?

[SNICKERS]

Tony...

I'm okay, Angela.

...kill the butterball.

What?

Just do it.

Angela, that'll wreck his ego.

He made a pass at me.

Three in the corner.

[GEORGE THOROGOOD'S "BAD TO THE BONE" PLAYING]

♪ You know, on the day I was born ♪

♪ The nurses All gathered 'round ♪

♪ And they gazed In wide wonder ♪

♪ At the joy They had found ♪

♪ The head nurse Looked up ♪

♪ Said, "Leave This one alone" ♪

♪ She could tell Right away ♪

♪ That I was Bad to the bone ♪

♪ Bad to the bone ♪

♪ Bad to the bone ♪

♪ B-B-B-B-B-B-Bad ♪

Well, it all comes down to the last ball.

Forget it. That's an impossible shot.

[TONY LAUGHS]

That's the end, huh?

Oh!

Yes!

Watch and weep.

Yes! Yes! Yes!

My hero.

Let's go home and pretend it's Tuesday.

Yes!

♪ Ba-bap-ba Ba-bump ♪

♪ Ba-bap ba-bump ♪

What a jerk.

Tony, don't feel bad.

That was a tough shot.

Oh yea, tell me about it, Angela.

I mean, hey, anytime you got a... an object ball

over here on the cushion

and you got to hit the cue ball way down here on this side of the table.

I mean your chances of making this shot are

one in 1000, maybe one in a million.

Well, what do you know?

My hero.

[ALL GRUNTING]

We're never going to win.

You got that right.

[TONY LAUGHS]

Jonathan, are you pulling?

My hands are bleeding, grandma.

Good. Keep it up.

Oh come on. Let's call it a tie. I'm hungry.

Ooh. Speaking of food, I'm a little hungry myself.

Why, certainly.

Come this way.

A little mustard, huh?

Ooh, huh, yum yum.

Mmm. Hey anybody want any?

ALL: Yeah!

["BRAND NEW LIFE" THEME PLAYING]