Original subtitles

♪ There’s a time for love And a time for livin’ ♪

♪ Take a chance And face the wind ♪

♪ An open road and A road that’s hidden ♪

♪ A brand-new life Around the bend ♪

♪ There were times ♪

♪ I lost a dream or two ♪

♪ Found the trail ♪

♪ And at the end was you ♪

♪ There’s a path you take And a path not taken ♪

♪ The choice is Up to you, my friend ♪

♪ Nights are long But you might awaken ♪

♪ To a brand-new life ♪

♪ Brand-new life ♪

♪ A brand-new life Around the bend ♪

[PEBBLES HITTING WINDOW]

What the heck?

Ow! Ooh!

Ow!

MASON: Mr. Micelli?

Mason?

MASON: How are you?

I’m in pain!

Ow!

I’ll open up.

Mason, do you know what time it is?

It’s 3:47. Hope I didn’t wake you.

No. I had to get up to open the door anyway.

Sorry to bother you.

The football players ran me out of the dorm.

Was it the pajamas?

They didn’t help.

I was so busy studying for my finals,

there wasn’t time to do the team’s homework.

Couldn’t you talk your way out? Your IQ’s 180.

Yeah, but the nose guard weighs 340.

Oh! Company!

What are you doing up?

Just having a midnight snack.

It’s 3:47.

3:49.

Mason, what brings you by?

Um...he needs a place to stay for tonight.

Actually, for a few nights.

Until finals are over.

Oh, I understand.

It’s a bother.

I’ll sleep at the bus station.

You have a small blanket or a Hefty bag?

Okay, Mase, here you go.

The old snooze cocoon, uh?

It’ll be just like camping out.

This isn’t down, is it?

’cause I’m allergic to down.

No, it’s pure cotton.

Oh, good.

[SNEEZES]

I’m allergic to cotton too,

but I’ll take a pill.

Want some water with that?

Not if it comes out of the tap.

Gee, you’ll be such a fun bunk mate.

Yeah.

Hey, this is pretty comfortable.

Aah!

What is it?

There’s something in there!

I think it’s dead.

All right, stand back.

Be careful. All right...

Aah!

Just kidding, Mase.

But it is dangerous.

You know, candy--

Candy causes cavities.

Am I a dunderhead!

Yeah.

And Samantha’s a slob.

She uses my bag, then doesn’t clean it.

Could you please not talk about Sam like that?

You still carrying a torch for Sam?

Oh, no. The torch is out.

Actually, it’s on hold.

You see, I have this 15-year plan.

Sam and I go our separate ways.

I pursue my career in kinetic physics,

Sam marries a vacuous hunk and has six vacuous kids.

It’s not working out, but she’s reluctant to get a divorce.

I raised her right.

Finally, she can’t take it anymore.

A bitter divorce leaves her shattered,

depressed, and craving coffee.

She wanders into a Chock full o’Nuts,

and there I am, dunking a powdered doughnut.

Wiping the powder away, she falls hopelessly in love.

We get married, I adopt her six kids,

they call me pops,

I win the Nobel Prize,

and we live happily ever after.

Gee, that’s a lovely story.

It would be great to have you in the family,

but let’s get some sleep.

Yeah, okay. Okay, pal.

Okay.

Good night, Mason.

Good night, Dad.

Okay, Mase, what’s it going to be?

We got granola, eggs,

and we got whole-wheat pancakes.

What a catch, huh?

Got any powdered doughnuts?

You’re having pancakes.

Good morning.

Isn’t it a lovely day?

Who are you?

Oh, Mona, you remember Mason.

Oh, yes, of course. Mason!

Get out of my chair.

Come on, Mother. We’ll miss our train.

I haven’t had breakfast yet.

You work better hungry.

Jonathan, look!

Thank you.

Grandma!

Morning, Dad. Morning, Jonathan.

Morning, Mason.

Mason?

Oh, hi, Sam. I moved in.

Oh, really? That’s nice.

Why?

Well, you know,

I got finals coming up, and...

uh...he was having a communication problem

with some classmates.

The nose guard was using him as a tackling dummy.

How would you like that happening to you?

Well, it does.

That’s why I feel so close to this guy.

Later, dude!

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

TONY: Come on in.

Good morning, everybody.

How’s my favorite extended family?

TONY: All right, Jess. What do you say, pal?

[DOOR CLOSES]

Hi, Sam. Hi, Jesse.

You look great.

Thanks so do you.

What happened to your hair?

Uh, I combed it.

It really works.

Thanks a lot.

Sam, don’t you want to introduce somebody?

Who? Oh, yeah.

Jesse, this is Mason. He lives here.

Don’t worry. I’m no threat.

Let’s get to school.

I’m buying tickets for the skating party.

I wanted to talk about that.

I’m working at the animal shelter Friday night.

Oh, no. Not Friday night.

Those mutts need me.

What about this mutt?

That doesn’t mean you can’t go.

Alone?

No, not alone. Go with somebody else.

Who?

I don’t know. Anybody.

Mason.

Me? Oh, no. I’ve got work to do.

I’m not that good on ice.

I’m not even that good on pavement.

Come on, Mase. You’ll have a good time.

I can see you now,

gliding gracefully over the ice.

Got insurance?

You’re gliding with Sam, huh? Huh?

So tell me, Sam,

the last time I fell down,

how many skaters fell with me?

How many were there?

Shh!

I had a really great time tonight, Sam.

Good night.

Wait a minute!

You live here, dunderhead!

Oh, yeah!

Come on.

Shh. My dad’s in here, okay?

Wait. Where is he?

He always waits up when I’m on a date.

You’re not on a date, dunderhead!

Oh, yeah!

If this were a date, I’d be hyperventilating.

I have a very low excitement threshold.

Don’t be so down on yourself.

You’re fun to be with.

You’re just saying that.

No, I mean it.

Remember when you smashed into Lisa Frankel?

Well, I think she got in your way on purpose.

Will you stop.

No, I’m serious.

She was smiling at you when they carried her

to the first aid station.

At me? No way.

Really?

You’re a very attractive guy...

except for that mustard on your cheek.

Oh, where?

Here, let me.

Mason?

[GASPS AND WHEEZES]

Mason! Are you okay?

Get a bag!

42.

43.

Yahoo!

Didn’t your mother tell you to knock

before you yahoo?

You won’t believe what just happened.

They had a breakthrough in nasal decongestants?

I wish.

But it’s even better.

Sam and I were talking and laughing,

and she wiped some mustard off my cheek,

and then she...

[GASPS AND WHEEZES]

All right, all right.

Mason, take it easy.

Take it easy. Calm down.

She kissed me.

[GASPS AND WHEEZES]

Would you like to borrow my bag?

Now wait a minute.

It was an accident.

She just bumped into your lips.

It was no accident.

It was just like I planned,

except it wasn’t at Chock full o’Nuts.

It was mustard instead of powder.

It was tonight instead of 2003.

I can’t believe it!

Neither can I.

The meeting of two personalities

is like the contact of two chemical substances.

If there’s any reaction, both are transformed.

Carl Jung, 1933.

What the hell is going on here?

Tony Micelli, 1988.

Don’t worry, Mr. Micelli.

It was all very harmless,

but intoxicating.

I’ll be right back.

You stay here and sober up.

Anybody home?

SAMANTHA: Come in.

Hi, sweetheart.

You didn’t come in and say good night.

Is everything okay?

Of course. Good night.

All right, sweetheart.

Can I get you anything?

A snack, some water,

some ChapStick?

Oh, no. Mason blabbed!

I’m so embarrassed!

Then it’s true.

I thought you didn’t like Mason that way.

I don’t.

You’re going steady with Jesse.

I am!

I’m confused. Me too.

Come out of there so we can talk.

I don’t want anyone else to know.

Just forget about it.

What’s going on? Sam kissed Mason.

Oh! Oh!

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry. I didn’t get it locked in.

Don’t worry, honey.

It won’t go beyond these four walls.

What won’t go beyond these four walls?

I kissed Mason, okay?

You did?

Finally, some action around this house!

Come on, Sam. Give me details.

How could I do it?

What kind of person am I?

Am I destined to drift

from one tawdry affair to another?

Worked for me. Mona!

You know, Sam, kissing Mason wasn’t so awful.

What? What are you saying? She’s committed to Jesse.

Yeah, I’m wearing his Save the Whales pin.

Well, how do you really feel about Mason?

Come on, don’t hold anything back.

Well, I like him as a friend.

But I don’t get those feelings that I get when I’m with Jesse.

What, what feelings?

You know, like when you’re waiting for him by the locker,

and you see him and your heart skips a beat,

and you slam your finger in the door.

You know, good feelings.

Oh, well, those are okay feelings.

[SIGHS]

How will I face Jesse tomorrow?

If you feel this way, you just tell him.

Tell him?

You never tell them!

What if he hears about it from somebody else?

Deny it!

Mona, that is deceitful and devious.

Actually, there is something in what Mother’s saying.

You agree?

I better rethink this.

Angela, what are you talking about?

Honesty. Honesty is the best policy.

Life isn’t black and white.

There are shades of gray.

Do my ears deceive me?

Are you peddling dishonesty?

I’m peddling a rational approach to relationships.

Let me understand. We’re going out.

You kiss a guy, you don’t tell me?

Depends on the circumstances.

What circumstances?

There are lots of--

Hello there!

Remember my problem?

What problem?

Oh!

Hi, Mason.

Hi, Sam.

I’ve been thinking about what happened last night.

What are you doing?

I’m packing my underwear

around my portable humidifier

so it won’t scratch my negative ion generator.

You mean you’re leaving?

Sam, last night was a magical moment,

but I’ve done a lot of thinking since then.

I really like you,

but you’re too mature for me.

I’m not ready for this kind of passion.

But, Mason-- Please, Sam.

Don’t make this any harder than it already is.

A relationship with you now would just be too distracting.

I have my studies, my life’s work, my allergies.

Does this mean you’re dumping me?

Oh, please.

Don’t think of it as being dumped.

Think of it as being put on hold for 15 years.

Okay.

Samantha Micelli,

you are an amazing woman.

Well, Mason I just want--

Shh.

Don’t say anything, Sam.

Just go.

Okay.

Mmm! Heavenly. Tony, you make the best pancakes.

Oh, really?

Are you being totally honest with me, Angela?

How do I know you don’t leave here,

eat some other guy’s pancakes,

and tell him the same thing?

Tony...

I don’t eat around.

Hi!

How are you, Sam?

Great! I just got dumped.

Wh-what?

Mason let me down easy.

So I don’t have to let him down easy,

which would’ve been hard.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Come in. Oh, Jesse.

How’d it go at the animal shelter?

What a feeling.

I brought six Chihuahua puppies into the world.

Oh, wow!

Congratulations. A canine midwife.

You did wash your hands?

Yes, I did.

How was your skating party?

Actually, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about.

Okay. In there.

I decided you were right, Dad.

I’ll tell Jesse the truth.

There’s a lot you can learn from that little girl.

Well, what is it, Sam?

Remember when we started going steady,

and we promised to always be honest with each other?

Yeah.

Well...you see,

last night at the skating party--

You really delivered six Chihuahuas?

Yeah. The contractions started

in the middle of our Spuds McKenzie lookalike contest.

You are so funny. You crack me up.

I kissed Mason last night.

What?

I kissed Mason.

Mason?

Where?

Right over there.

No. I mean, on the lips?

Yeah.

I see.

You felt sorry for him and you were just trying

to build up his confidence, right?

No, it was just a regular old kiss.

I don’t know why I did it,

but we were having such a good time

that it seemed right at the moment.

I see.

So you see, Angela,

a relationship is like a delicate flower.

You’ve got to feed it, nurture it,

and sprinkle it with the water of honesty.

Only then will it bloom.

Provided you keep shoveling fertilizer on it.

Don’t toy with me.

Well, Sam, did you tell him?

Yeah.

What did he say?

He said, "I see."

I told him it would never happen again.

What did he say?

"I see."

Didn’t he say anything else?

Sure. He said

trust was the most important thing in a relationship,

and he was really glad I was totally honest.

[CHUCKLES]

And then he dumped me.

I see.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Who is it? JESSE: It’s me.

That narrows it down.

Hi, Jesse.

You’re here to see Sam?

Yeah, but actually,

I wanted to talk to you first.

Yeah? Pull up a sofa.

What’s on your mind?

I guess Sam told you what happened, right?

Yeah.

Afterward, I thought I had no right

to cast stones at Sam.

I’m not without sin myself.

What do you mean?

Well...I kissed Debbie Barofsky.

That’s it?

That’s enough, isn’t it?

I mean, Sam and I were going steady.

I don’t know what came over me.

Actually, it was Debbie Barofsky.

She’s kind of aggressive,

but I could have fought harder.

Well, we do what we can.

After what I did,

I had no right walking out on Sam.

That’s right.

Now you kiss and make up.

Everything’s fine.

I wish it was that simple.

When Sam hears, she may stop talking to me.

Still, I have to be honest.

Don’t you agree?

No.

No? I’m surprised to hear you say that.

It kind of snuck up on me too.

Um, you see, this honesty thing

it could be overrated, you know,

especially when it comes to hurting Sam’s feelings.

Still, it’s important to be totally truthful.

Ah, Jesse, my boy,

you know, it’s not always black and white

in this world.

Sometimes it’s gray.

There’s a lot of gray.

Jesse, what are you doing here?

There’s something I have to tell you.

No, don’t, Jesse.

I’m sorry. I just can’t lie.

Why not give it a shot?

What is this about?

I can’t blame you for kissing Mason,

because I’ve done the same thing.

You kissed Mason?

No.

Remember when I went to the Greenpeace rally?

Yeah.

Well, Debbie Barofsky cornered me

between the tuna trawler and the fish gutting table,

and we kissed.

Well, it could happen to anybody

in a romantic setting like...

You kissed Debbie Barofsky?

Yeah.

That’s wonderful!

It is?

It is?

Yes. Don’t you see?

You’re not perfect.

You’re just as rotten as I am.

You-- You’re not even mad?

No, I’m not mad.

Actually, I’m disgusted. Debbie Barofsky?

But we’ll talk later.

I’m just glad you’re back.

Aw, Sam.

Aw, Jesse.

Aw, gee.

Wow, way to go, Mason.

Aced all your finals.

And the pollen count is down. What a week.

Hey, that’s good, really, terrific.

Hey, and stop by any time... of the day.

Okay. All right, bye, Mason.

What happened with the football players?

Smooth sailing.

This experience with Sam

made him feel like a real man.

It gave him the confidence

to stand up to those guys,

and he got a stun gun.

I think the pancake’s ready.

I think it’s time to pass on the griddle.

Oh, no. Oh, no. You want me to do it?

I can’t do it.

Yes, you can.

All right, I’ll give it a try.

I guess it’s all in the wrist action.

That’s the most common mistake in pancake flipping.

Actually, you get your height from the shoulder.

The shoulder. That’s right.

All right, well...

batter up!

[CACKLES]

And...

[♪♪]