Original subtitles

[♪♪♪]

♪ There's a time for love And a time for livin' ♪

♪ So take a chance And face the wind ♪

♪ An open road and A road that's hidden ♪

♪ A brand-new life Around the bend ♪

♪ There were times ♪

♪ I lost a dream or two ♪

♪ Found the trail ♪

♪ And at the end was you ♪

♪ There's a path you take And a path not taken ♪

♪ The choice is Up to you, my friend ♪

♪ Nights are long But you might awaken ♪

♪ To a brand-new life ♪

♪ Brand-new life ♪

♪ A brand-new life Around the bend ♪

And if your company does decide to go with the Bower agency,

I can promise you a creative advertising campaign

that's tied in with the use of selective marketing tools.

You go ahead. You've got my attention.

Such as sales force incentives

and consumer rebates.

I think you'll find this extremely interesting.

Now, as you can see,

the sale of Maxcraft yachts

is up about 14 percent for the coming season

and about 17 percent for the year overall.

Now, to my mind, I think that we can do better than that.

Personally, I think we could go as high as 30 percent--

Uh, great presentation. When does the client get here?

Where's Max?

He's not in here.

Mother.

That's my next guess.

So you're the body behind that smooth, sultry voice, huh?

Go ahead. Do it for me.

Oh, no. I'd feel silly.

Well, it would make me very happy.

Good afternoon, the Bower Agency.

Holy cow! Mmm!

I love it!

[GIGGLING]

Mother, what are you doing?

Improving customer relations.

Mother? I thought the two of you were sisters.

Well, you're not the first to make that mistake.

[LAUGHING]

Why don't we go back

in the other room and continue the presentation?

Well, sounds good to me, hmm?

Oh.

Excuse me.

Hey, you must be Max.

You look like a man who's smart enough

to sign with the Bower Agency.

Max, this is Tony Micelli,

my housekeeper and publicist.

Just a minute now.

Didn't you used to play second base with the Cards?

Yeah.

Hey, listen, I saw the season opener

with the Mets in '76. Yeah?

Right. You went 0 for 4, and you blew a double play.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I had a lot riding on that game.

Oh, well, gee, Max, I'm sorry.

No, on the Mets. [LAUGHING]

Yeah, I wish you were still playing.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Why don't we toss the ball around one of these days?

I got my yacht parked in Southport.

Oh, really? Mine's in the shop.

[ALL LAUGHING]

I like this guy.

Oh, isn't that nice? We all like each other.

There's a pie chart in the living room with your name.

Angela, I'd love to see it, but--

Oh, my goodness, look at the time.

And I have dinner plans.

Cracked crab on ice, champagne at my yacht.

You understand. You have a date? Now?

Only if she's free.

Mona, how about it?

Ship ahoy.

[MAX LAUGHS]

Angela, I'm sorry about the presentation.

I will see it,

but Mona and I have a date with a sunset.

[SINGING POPEYE THEME]

I can't believe she did this!

I know, I know.

Mona gets seasick in a jacuzzi.

I mean running off with a prospective client.

She knows how I feel about mixing business with pleasure.

You never socialize with anyone you work with.

Uh, would you two like to join Mona and me

this weekend at my cabin in Maine?

Love to.

Oh.

I love the great outdoors.

Communing with nature,

being in touch with the rivers and the streams.

Okay, okay, so you caught a trout.

A 10 pound, 2 ouncer.

The game warden told me I set a record.

Why don't you put it in the refrigerator?

'Cause it's starting to stink.

Hooking this trout isn't the only thing

that's making me smile.

I haven't seen mother this happy in a long time.

Yeah, not since they rerouted

that men's marathon down our street.

[ANGELA LAUGHS]

[MAX & MONA LAUGHING]

You're-- You're kidding.

You're right-handed too?

It's such a coincidence.

And both our names begin with M.

Oh, brother.

You wouldn't believe how much we have in common.

I believe. I believe.

Uh, Angela. Yes?

I'm sorry, I am going to see your presentation,

but I want you to know I appreciate you not pushing it.

Oh, sure. Just didn't seem like the right time or place.

Besides, your mother threw your charts out the rowboat.

Why don't I just put my trout in the fridge.

I'll do it. No, no. That's all right.

Mother wants to help, don't you, mother?

No. Come on.

They always go to the bathroom together too.

Stay.

Now, mother, you know

I've been dying to get you alone for a minute.

I know. I know what you're going to say:

"You and Max make a great couple."

Was I that obvious?

Oh, no. I just sensed it

because every time I looked at you

this weekend you were going...

[CHUCKLES]

We never had a chance to chat.

You were always walking in the woods with Max

or talking in the woods with Max

and who knows what else in the woods with Max.

The woodchucks know.

Mother, it's just that...

I don't know. You just seem so different,

so unlike yourself.

You didn't put me down once this weekend.

I didn't?

No.

I'll have to make up for that.

Now, come on. Now, Tony.

Are you sure that she likes me?

Max, I know all the signs. What, are you kidding me?

Mona Robinson does not gut fish for just anyone.

[LAUGHS]

Let me tell ya. Oh, boy.

I sure hope you're right because that...

That redhead has a headlock on my heart.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Wait till you see her full nelson.

I think I have. [LAUGHS]

Hey, listen, Tony, I wanna thank you

for making me feel like

a part of the family this weekend. No, I mean it.

Hey, what are housekeepers for, huh?

I wanna thank you for letting us stay in that little cabin.

I never saw one with a bowling alley before.

It's too bad it's not your game,

especially after that fishing incident with Angela.

Okay, wise guy. Okay.

Now you're on my turf. How about a little one-on-one?

Oh, yeah, sure.

You think you can handle it?

Can I handle it? Let me tell you something.

I'm gonna mop the floor up with you.

I'm gonna kill you... Hmm?

...right after I do this load of dainty washables.

[LAUGHS]

Ah.

Uh...Joan, it's me.

Yeah. Uh...I don't think I'll make it home tonight.

Ahh. Oh, that's sweet.

Yeah. Well, same here.

All right.

You know, Angela,

I'm thinking about taking a big step,

a kind of change in my lifestyle.

Yes?

I'm going down to the Y

and erase my name from the wall.

Mother, I am so proud of you.

What about the gas station?

No. I really mean it. I...

I'm ready to make a commitment.

I don't want to go out with anybody else but Max.

It finally happened.

My mother wants to go steady!

Go steady?

I feel a zit coming on.

Mother!

Well, since you're having these thoughts and feelings,

don't you think you ought to broach the subject with Max?

Oh, I don't know.

I wish he'd broach first.

What if I bring it up, and he says no?

Not a chance.

I saw those long looks he was giving you

when we were playing bridge last night.

Angela. Hm?

We were cheating.

No matter.

I know he feels the same way about you

that you feel about him.

And I want my $6.00 back.

This omelet is great. What's in it?

Trout.

My trout.

Angela, you caught a fish?

[LAUGHS] Just a little 10-pounder...

And 2 ounces...

That set a record.

Way to go. Dad, what did you catch?

Finish your omelet.

Oh, I get it.

Tony didn't catch anything.

The big zero.

Dad, el zippo?

[ALL LAUGH]

But who's counting?

Well, I promised Max a home-cooked breakfast,

so here he is.

Good. Come on in. We've still got 9 pounds, 7 ounces.

Hey, hey, hey.

Boatman Bower,

Midshipman Micelli.

Hey, Skipper Muldoon.

Did you, uh, talk to Max?

Well, yeah, I was going to,

but, uh...

Then he turned the lights down low, and I...

Well, what's a girl gonna do?

Tell me that story again

about the giant turtles

at...Gallopopidopolis?

That's the Galapagos Islands, Jonathan.

I watch Wheel of Fortune...

For the knowledge.

Oh, really? I thought it was for Pat Sajak.

Get out. Bye.

Jonathan, hurry up.

Well, I hate to see a warm lap go to waste.

Watch it, Mona, I run a clean kitchen.

Well, now that you're here-- Excuse me.

I have a very important question to ask.

Maybe we should leave.

No, no. Wait.

For this, I have to have Angela's blessing.

Yes!

Well, thank you, Angela.

You've just given your mother two weeks off

to sail with me down to the Bahamas.

That is, of course-- Yes!

♪ And love Exciting and new ♪

♪ Come aboard We're expecting you ♪

♪ The love boat ♪

♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo ♪

Oh, Mona, look at you.

Everything is shipshape.

Aye, aye, matey.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, Mother.

That is a stunning suit.

A little bon voyage present.

From Max?

No, from you.

By the way, Angela,

you're over your limit at Saks.

Remember, Angela, it's for a good cause.

[CHUCKLES] That-- That is true.

So, uh--

Mother, are those my new earrings?

Remember the cause. Yeah.

Did you talk to Max

about you and him and him and you and no one else?

But of course.

How did it go?

[BOTH GIGGLING]

Hey, Mona, you got your Dramamine?

Nothing ruins a romantic cruise

more than throwing up on the bulkhead.

I know from experience.

I'd better take a quick trip to the drugstore.

I'll come with you. Good.

You may want to buy me some outrageously expensive perfume.

You didn't pack mine?

I used it up.

♪ And love Won't hurt anymore ♪

♪ It's an open smile ♪

♪ On a friendly shore ♪

♪ The love boat ♪

♪ Soon will be making Another turn ♪

♪ The love boat ♪

♪ Promising romance To everyone ♪

[PHONE RINGS]

♪ Set your course For romance ♪

Hey. Hello there.

Hey, Max.

Hey, listen, it's your cruise director, Tony.

I got something for you and Mona to break over the bow.

Uh, Tony, is Mona there?

No, but she'll be back in a minute.

Uh, Tony, uh...

[STUTTERS]

Something's come up,

and I won't be able to make that trip.

Well, are you okay?

Yes, I'm okay.

Well, then, what's going on?

Uh...

Tony...Now, here's the thing.

It's over between Mona and me.

Now, I'm gonna call her later and explain.

Uh-- Max, we should get going.

Yeah. Uh... And another thing, Tony,

I know Angela's counting on my business, but...

You understand now it would be pretty awkward.

I've got to run.

Could you tell them both what's happening?

Oh, come on, Max. Talk to me, here.

No, I'm sorry. You take care, Tony.

Gee.

What would Gavin MacLeod do in a spot like this?

All right. Look.

I tell Angela, and then we both tell Mona.

Naw.

How about this?

She tells her, and I take my two weeks' vacation.

Yeah. Come on, Micelli. Don't be a coward.

All right, all right.

The minute they come in, you tell them.

Hi.

Hi. Bye.

Well, I'd better freshen up.

Max will be here any minute.

Uh...Mona, you've got plenty of time.

Why? Is he going to be late?

Um...

[MUMBLING]

What does that mean?

Ehh...

[MUMBLING]

Oh, Tony, come on. Out with it.

Well, all right. Here's the thing, Mona, uh...

Angela, you didn't get the account.

Oh, no! I worked so hard on that!

He didn't even hear my pitch!

Ooh, life is so unfair!

Angela, don't you think you're overreacting?

No! What could be worse?

Hold that thought.

Well, don't you worry, baby.

I can fix it.

I am not without influence

in the pleasure craft industry. Yeah, yeah.

That's a funny thing about that influence stuff.

It comes, it goes.

What are you trying to say, Tony?

Max went.

I don't understand.

He says he can't see you anymore.

But he's gonna call you and explain.

I see.

Uh, gee, I'm sorry, Mona.

Mother, you...

This is terrible.

I think I'll go unpack.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Men, they're all alike.

Max, what would you like for dinner?

Well, whatever, uh... I'm not hungry.

Well, as long as you're in such an agreeable mood,

I was thinking about going to the Hamptons this weekend.

Good idea.

I think you and your husband need some time alone.

You are one terrific boss.

I know. Thanks.

[DOORBELL RINGS] I'll get it.

Hello.

Hello. Is Mr. Muldoon in?

I'm Angela Bower of the Bower Agency.

And I'm Tony Micelli of the Bower residence.

Come in.

I'll tell him you're here. Thank you.

[CHUCKLES] So now we know why the creep didn't call back.

He's got a girlfriend.

That woman is wearing a wedding band.

The creep is married. Oh!

That's it, Angela. I've heard enough.

I wanna get out of here, go home, and take a bath.

Oh, no. I'm not letting that worm off the hook so easily.

Hell hath no fury

like the wrath of a daughter of a woman scorned.

Is that how that goes?

Won't you come in, please.

Thank you.

Hello.

I'm really excited about the Hamptons this weekend.

Oh.

So you're going away for the weekend

with your wife.

How low can a man sink

while my mother sits at home waiting for you

in her sailor suit?

Angela, do you think that Joan's my wife?

You couldn't be more wrong.

Oh! So you're going away

with someone else's wife.

Tony, let's get out of here.

We're up to our armpits in sleaze.

Yeah. And another thing,

I caught you holding in your stomach

in front of the mirror.

Wait a minute.

Now, Joan is my housekeeper,

and I am not married.

Well, then why did you dump my mother?

Is there another woman?

As a matter of fact, there is.

Joan, could I see Katherine Anne?

Katherine Anne is my daughter.

You...

You have a daughter?

Mother never mentioned it.

I never told her.

Why not?

Here she is.

Yeah.

This is my best girl here.

This is Katherine Anne Muldoon.

Aw. She's so cute.

Aww.

Coochy-coochy.

Doi-doi-doi-doi.

Oh, eh, Katherine Anne--

what a great name.

But I-I don't understand.

Why didn't you tell my mother about her?

[SIGHS] Well, uh...

I don't know.

I guess, uh...

I was afraid it would scare her off.

I married a young woman

who didn't want to be tied down with children.

Frankly, I think Mona's the same way.

Wait a minute. What makes you say that?

I was talking with Mona last night about us.

It was really lovely up until she got to the part about kids.

What did she say about me?

She didn't say anything about you.

Kids in general.

You are so insecure.

She was telling me she was happy to be at that point

where she doesn't have to be tied down.

What if she said okay to Katherine Anne

just to be a good sport?

Oh, no. You're wrong about my mother.

She's not a good sport. Heh.

Let me tell ya something. One thing about Mona.

You always know where you stand.

[BABBLING]

And I'll tell ya something else, Max.

You could be depriving this pretty girl

of meeting one terrific lady.

That's right. My mother is

sensitive, warm, caring, and very understanding.

You half-witted, lamebrain numbskull!

Where do you get off saying I don't like kids?

You don't know what I like!

Well, you know some of the things I like,

but that is beside the point!

Will you forgive me?

Why should I? You hurt me.

I don't just give my heart to anyone.

You think I write my name on the wall at the Y?

Look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you,

and I'm sorry that I blew our relationship.

Now, there you go, there you go.

Jumping to conclusions again.

You mean that you'd give me a second chance?

It's a good thing you've got big shoulders, buster,

or I'd cut you loose.

You're beautiful when you're vicious.

Well, you're not blind, I'll give you that.

I tell you what.

Why don't we warm up the yacht and go for a spin this evening.

If we hurry, we can catch the sunset.

Sounds romantic, but...

Only if we can be alone.

Just you and me.

And Katherine Anne?

Oh, you...Aw.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Oh, come on!

Mm! That was a good hug, you big lug.

There's a lot more where that came from, doll.

[GIGGLES]

Okay, we know you're out there listening.

You might as well come on in.

Hi there.

What's new?

Here's your baby.

And here's your bottle.

Yeah, Tony... I want to thank you.

Aw. No, for everything.

And I don't hold my stomach in.

Maybe you should.

Okay, kid, come on.

We'll talk, and we'll get to know each other,

but if you drool on my epaulets,

you're off to boarding school.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

Bye-bye. Have a great time.

Okay.

Bye-bye, Katie-face.

Bye-bye, Katie-face.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye, Katie-face.

[♪♪♪]