Original subtitles

[♪♪♪]

♪ There's a time for love And a time for living ♪

♪ You take a chance And face the wind ♪

♪ An open road And a road that's hidden ♪

♪ A brand new life Around the bend ♪

♪ There were times ♪

♪ I lost a dream or two ♪

♪ Found the trail And at the end was you ♪

♪ There's a path you take And a path not taken ♪

♪ The choice is up to you My friend ♪

♪ The nights are long But you might awaken ♪

♪ To a brand new life ♪

♪ Brand new life ♪

♪ A brand new life Around the bend ♪

Everyone, quick, come here! You won't believe it!

What? What? What? What's going on?

What? What? What? What?

Oh, the Beastie Boys are coming here!

Oh, gee, the place is such a mess.

Dad, they're giving a concert in Westport next month.

That's the big news?

Yes, that's big news. Angela,

In your terms, it would be like Vic Damone coming to town.

Is it okay if I go? Sure.

Thanks. Oh, one more thing.

Tickets go on sale at the mall tomorrow morning,

so I'm going to have to get in line kind of early.

How early?

Now...? Ah!

You're going to stand in line all night for concert tickets?

Forget about it, Samantha. It's crazy.

That's right. It is crazy. I think you should let her go.

What? Talk that talk, Mona.

All teenagers need to break loose once in awhile.

I didn't.

We're talking about normal teenagers, dear.

Come on, Dad. There's no school tomorrow,

there'll be plenty of security guards,

and the falafel stand is open all night.

Well, I guess. I guess it'll be safe. Is Macy's open?

No. Then I'll be safe, too.

All right, look, promise to say in a well-lit area.

Oh, thanks, Dad. Oh, you're the best.

Oh, this is going to be so...

safe and well-lit.

Well, I guess I should be glad. I mean, hey,

it's pretty tame compared to things I did as a kid, huh?

Like what, Tony?

Well, I remember this one time I was delivering pizza

in Grand Central Station, you know, so,

I see this really pretty girl,

so I followed her on to the train, right.

I struck up a conversation by Newark.

You know, pepperoni is a hell of an ice breaker.

Anyway, we're in love by Cleveland.

And if I don't get thrown off the train in Chicago,

I'd got two kids in college right now.

Oh, oh, that's so romantic.

Yeah, yeah, and on the way back, you know,

I was hitch-hiking, and I meet this lady truck driver.

And there was nothing semi about her, heh, heh.

But, hey, that's another story. You know.

Oh, boy, when I think of some of the crazy things I've done.

[LAUGHING]

Oh...

Yes, Mother?

Oh, I can't tell you that one. [SCOFFING]

I promised the senator. But I can tell you

about the time my date and I snuck

into the drive-in movie in the trunk of a car.

Oh, Mona, I used to do that all the time when I was a teenager.

This was last week.

Ah, well, those were the days, hey, Mona?

Come on, Angela, didn't you ever do anything wild?

Oh, let me think...

Don't bother. [LAUGHS]

Come on, Mona, seriously. Angela, didn't you ever

call up the supermarket

and ask if they have olive oil in a bottle?

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Wh-- Why should I do that?

Because after you call 'em, right,

you say, "You got olive oil in a bottle?"

They say, "Yay." You say, "Better let her out.

Popeye's getting mad." [ALL LAUGHING]

My, the things I missed in my youth.

If I only had it to over again, I would sow a wild oat or two.

Angela, you wouldn't know a wild oat

if it hit you in the feed bag.

[TONY LAUGHS]

Oh, no? I can be just as wild and crazy as the next guy.

Yeah, if the next guy is Mother Teresa.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Okay, laugh if you will. I'm going to do it.

I'm going to do all the things

that I didn't do when I was growing up.

I'm going to be--

I'm going to be wild and crazy and-and daring.

I-I'm going to fly by the seat of my pants.

I'm going to be free and spontaneous.

Wh-- What are you doing?

I'm making a list of all

the spontaneous things I'm going to do.

After you, after you. Hello, Mona. Hello.

Hello, Sam. What's new?

Dad, you-- You are really maturing. Huh.

Weren't you worried about me being out all night?

Are you kidding me, Sam?

I have a tremendous amount of respect for your good sense,

and besides I paid Ernie at the falafel stand

to keep an eye on you.

You paid a falafel man to spy on me?

Yeah, the guy at the yogurt stand cost too much. Heh.

He should. You know, he's a lot cuter.

Get upstairs. Get outta here.

Well, did you two have fun sowing wild oats?

Fun, Mona. You say fun?

We're talking thrills, we're talking chills.

Me and Angela took a walk on the wild side.

Oh, Mother you'd be so proud of me. I broke the law.

You know those little tags that they tell you

not to remove from mattresses?

Well...

...federal offense! Ha.

Yeah, yeah, and I drove the get-away car.

[LAUGHING] Yeah.

Well, that should put you on the ten least wanted list.

Hey, Mona, Mona, it was unbelievable, Mona.

She was out of control, Mona.

We were in a crowded elevator, right. She does this...

[ARMPIT FARTING]

Huh? Everybody started looking at me.

Yeah! They did. They did!

And then, to top it all off,

we went to the Plaza, and we crashed a wedding.

Ha. You know when the minister says,

"Speak now or forever hold your peace?"

She didn't. She did. Ha, ha.

I said, "You have a terrible caterer." And I ran like hell.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Angela, I didn't know you could be so rude and crude.

I have a new respect for you.

Ha-ha-ha-ha. Well, I'll tell you something, Angela,

I for one am glad you got this all out of your system.

Oh, no, no, no, there're a lot of other things

on this list that I want to do. Like this.

Ha. I can't do this.

Come on, come on, let's see. What is it?

No, no, no, it's silly, it's silly, it's silly.

I shouldn't even have put on the list.

[STAMMERING]

"Go to Inspiration Point with Jake 'The Snake' Maguire."

[BOTH CHUCKLE] "The Snake?"

He was-- He was the wildest kid in school.

And when he walked down the hall,

all the girls held their breath.

And their jewelry.

He had a D.A., and a leather jacket, and tight jeans.

He didn't talk, he hissed. And he didn't walk, he slithered.

Unh. Maybe he was molting.

Angela, I didn't know you went for guys like that.

I thought you liked boys

that had those little safety pins on their glasses.

Mother, on the outside I may have looked like Sandra Dee,

but on the inside Tina Louise trying to come out.

Jake used to ride this motorcycle,

and he took all the coolest girls in town

to a special place called "Inspiration Point."

Now wait a minute. Hold on a second.

How can you make-out on a motorcycle?

It can be done.

Well, listen, whatever happened to this Snake dude?

I don't know. I don't know.

I didn't see him after I went off to Montague Academy.

God knows where he is now.

Right here under the M's.

Look, Maguire, Jake.

Really?

No, no, no, I really can't call him. He wouldn't remember me.

It's such a crazy thing to do--

Give me that book.

Ha, ha. Well, Mona, what do you think?

You think we should give her some privacy?

No. Me, either.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Hello, is this Jake "the Snake"?

It's him!

Um, hi, uh, uh, we went to high school together.

Uh, my name was Angela Robinson.

Oh, yeah, I didn't think you would.

Uh, thick glasses, uh, buck teeth, slightly overweight...

Picture the Hindenburg with bangs.

Some of the less mature kids used to call me...

[WHISPERS] the "Walrus."

[LOUDLY] The "Walrus."

Yeah, yeah, that's me. No, I've changed.

Yeah, well, the braces worked, and so did the Clearasil,

and uh, the Metrecal just melted away those unsightly pounds

So is there a Mrs. Snake in your life?

He's single!

Uh, well, um, I was just wondering,

what would you think about maybe going out for a drink

or something... Tonight?

Busy guy.

Uh, yeah, sure. 3344 Oakhills Drive.

Okay, well, yeah, I'll see you then.

Ah! I did it! I did it!

I'm going out with the hottest kid in my class!

Ha. That's great. That's great. It worked out so good, too.

It's not even a school night.

Oh, no, I've got an unsightly blemish.

Looks like a big zit to me.

Well, thank you, Mother, but nobody but you will notice.

Whoa, Angela, man, you look terrific.

What's that on your forehead?

Is it Ash Wednesday?

I wonder what 'ol Jake looks like now.

Yeah, you know, hey, Angela,

don't get your hopes up. People change.

This guy could be bald, fat, and wearing a truss.

[LAUGHS]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Oh! That's him.

Angela, Angela, don't you know anything about dating?

No, of course you don't.

I answer the door, you go upstairs and make an entrance.

[MUTTERING]

Hey, uh, where does the housekeeper stand?

On that spot on the carpet. Heh.

Angela, you look great. You really filled out.

Is he in for a rude awakening?

Come in. Actually, I am Angela's mother.

Hello, Mama. Heh, heh.

And this is Tony Micelli, our housekeeper.

How ya doing? How ya doing?

Can I take your helmet?

No, I'm cool. Heh, heh.

Oh, Angela, dear, Jake is here.

ANGELA: Thank you, Mother. I'll be down in a minute.

Jake.

Angela?

Whoa. You went from a walrus to a fox.

Thank you. You look exactly the same as when you graduated.

Well, I didn't graduate.

I decided to pursue my other interests.

Oh, like what?

Ah, sleeping late, hanging around, and, uh, bumming, yeah.

[CHUCKLES]

Nice work if you can get it.

[CHUCKLES]

Well, I'd love to stay and kick it around with you folks,

but me and my band are gigging down

at the Mason Jar tonight,

so we really ought to hit there, Angie.

Oh. Okay, um, The Mason Jar.

Wait, isn't that the place

where you used to play back in high school?

Same bar, same band, same three chords.

[TONY LAUGHS]

Uh, Angie, dear. Could I have a quick rap session

with you before you peel out.

Excuse me. I'll just be a minute.

So, you're a housekeeper, eh?

Yeah, well, that's my gig, Jake. Heh, heh.

Call me Snake. You got a nickname, Tony.

Uh, yeah, uh, call me "Broom."

Broom.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Mother, what are you talking about? You're being ridiculous.

Angela, I know men, you don't. You are out of your league.

Mother, this is all perfectly innocent.

No Angela, you are perfectly innocent. He is a snake.

I don't want you going out with that sleazy rider.

Wait a minute. Are you forbidding me to go?

Forbidding you?

Yes, I guess I am.

Oh, that's wonderful.

Now I can cross number 11 off my list.

"Defy Mother."

Wait, come back here. Ha, ha.

Oh, Jake. I'm ready to feel the wind through my hair.

Your brain bumper. Oh, ha, ha.

[CHUCKLES]

Uh, Angela.

Yes, Tony.

Whatever you do, keep your feet on the pegs,

and lean into the turns, and hold onto his luggage rack.

Angie, your hog awaits.

Later on, Mrs. R. Later, "Broom," keep sweeping.

[MEN CHUCKLE]

Later.

I don't feel good about this.

Angela has turned into a "Motorcycle Mama."

Oh. Come on, Mona. Come on. She's going to be fine.

[MOTORCYCLE REVS UP]

[TIRES SQUEALING]

Oh. I hope she doesn't come back with a tattoo.

[ROCK SONG PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

[WHISTLING]

Excuse me, do you have any dental floss?

I think I have a gnat caught in my teeth.

I told you not to open your mouth on the turnpike.

Hey!

CROWD [CHEERING]: Hey!

Hey.

So, this is the legendary Mason Jar.

Yeah.

It's so lively, so atmospheric...

[SNIFFS] So pungent.

So, uh, what've you been up to after all this time?

We didn't get much chance to talk on the chopper.

Well, let me see, uh... I'm in advertising.

Oh, you're in advertising.

You know, I got a beef with you people.

You do?

Yeah. One of those billboards fell over on my motorcycle.

Who puts them things up?

I don't really know, but I'll check on it.

Hey! Gimme a pitcher.

Unh.

Anything for you, Angie?

Yes, I would like a Brandy Sidecar with a twist of lime.

And crushed ice.

A beer will be fine. [GRUNTS]

...my hand on my arm and it made this loud noise

and then everybody looked at Tony.

[ALL LAUGHING]

[TUNING GUITAR]

Yeah. It's time to rock 'n roll.

Thank you so much.

[BAND PLAYING SLOW ROCK]

Hey, yo!

I'd like to dedicate this song

to a very special lady from my past.

[SOME PEOPLE CHEER]

Number 18.

Romantic song sung for me.

[SINGING LONG NOTE]

♪ You gotta help me, baby ♪

♪ Can't make it by myself ♪

♪ Gotta help me, baby I can't make it by myself ♪

♪ Oh, no, and if You don't help me, darling ♪

♪ I'm going to find Somebody else ♪

♪ Bring me my nightshirt Baby ♪

♪ Put on your morning gown ♪

♪ Yeah, bring me My nightshirt, baby ♪

♪ Put on your morning gown ♪

♪ 'Cause I don't feel Like sleeping ♪

♪ Baby, I wanna lay down ♪

♪ Come here, baby ♪

Where is she? She should have been home by now.

You said she could stay at Bonnie's until eleven o'clock.

I'm talking about Angela.

And what kind of a mother are you?

You let your daughter go out with Fonzie's evil twin.

Me? At least I tried to talk some sense into her.

You created this monster by taking her off

on that crime spree. You whipped her hormones into a frenzy.

Don't you dare blame that on me, Mona,

because after all the hormone doesn't fall far from the tree.

You know how all this started.

It was started because

you let Sam stand in line for tickets to that concert.

Mona, it was you who talked me into letting her do that.

Yeah, so I guess we have to share the blame.

Where did we go wrong?

♪ And now the stage is bare It's just me standing there ♪

♪ With emptiness all around ♪

♪ If you won't Come back to me ♪

♪ Well, they can just bring The curtain down ♪

♪ Is your heart Filled with pain ♪

♪ Can I come back again? ♪

♪ Tell me, dear ♪

♪ Are you Lonesome tonight? ♪

[CROWD CHEERING]

Oh. Whew.

Music really gives me a buzz.

That was so wonderful. Thank you.

Tonight has been really groovy.

Speaking of groovin', Angie, what's say we go someplace,

you know, kind of quiet.

Just you and me.

Where might that be?

Well, I got this special place

I like to call it, "Inspiration Point."

Do I look like that kind of girl?

I think you do.

Ha.

Well, thank you. Ah, but wait a minute,

you've a few too many pitchers. We shouldn't drive.

We can walk.

Oh, an evening stroll. Mm-hm.

What is this? Where are we?

Welcome to Inspiration Point.

This room is Inspiration Point?

Uh, not exactly.

This is.

[SLOW ROCK SONG PLAYING]

Oh, excuse me?

Hi, ya, sailor, what ship did you get off of, the S.S. Hunk?

Ha, ha.

Well, I'm looking for a blonde.

I could be a blonde. I could be whatever you want.

Yeah, well, how about helpful?

Listen, I'm looking for a blonde about 5'7",

she's got brown eyes, she's very well-dressed,

she's a very classy lady. She's with a guy named Snake.

Oh, yeah, they were here earlier.

Yeah, yeah?

They must've left. Hm.

All right. Well, thanks anyway.

Wait a minute.

Why don't you stick around. Grab a beer. Or whatever.

Well, uh, maybe I will have one for the road.

Ha. A beer? Ha, ha.

Well, I thought Inspiration Point

was this beautiful place high on a hill.

where you could see trees and fields and sky full of stars.

Yeah, if you lay down, you can see the Big Dipper.

So you're a housekeeper?

Yeah, it's a dusty job,

but, hey, somebody's got to do it, right. Ha.

But, hey, I've got a great place to live,

and my boss is real nice, except lately

she's been acting a little, I don't know--

[ANGEL SCREAMS]

Angela?

You like screaming? I can scream.

[GRUNTS]

Hey, what are you doing?

Get away from her.

Okay, if that's the way you want it.

Oh, my gosh.

I didn't want to do it, but he had it coming.

Angela, are you all right? I heard you scream.

Oh, Tony, Tony, it was just awful.

It was the biggest cockroach I've ever seen.

Cockroach? I thought the Snake was putting the moves on you.

Well, he was, but I could handle him.

[GASPS]

Tony, what are you doing here?

Oh, um, well, I-I-I was, uh--

I was in the neighborhood. Heh.

You were worried about me.

Ah, no, no, no, I'm not one of them

over protective housekeepers.

Oh. Right.

Well, so much for wild oat-sowing.

I had such high hopes for tonight.

[JAKE SNORES]

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

You know, Angela, sometimes I think it's hard

to relive something you never lived in the first place.

Yeah, to think this ratty, old sofa was Inspiration Point.

Sometimes some things are better left to your imagination.

Ah, don't worry about it, Angela.

Hey, whatever happens, we'll always have this.

[ARMPIT FARTING] Ah.

[HEAVY BREATHING]

ANGELA: Oh, Tony, this is better than I ever imagined.

[BLOWING]

Oh, oh, Tony, this is so beautiful.

Thank you for bringing me up here. Ah.

What are you doing?

Crossing number 16 off my list. "Go to Inspiration Point."

Oh. Hey, wait, wait, wait. Wait a minute.

What's this one now?

"Mike ott at Inspiration Point?"

Oh, that's, um, make out.

Oh. Oh.

Well, that's too bad that you didn't get to finish your list.

Yeah, yeah, I got so close. Ha, yeah.

I guess it's something that you really wanted, too, you know.

Well, yeah, I mean,

it would give me a real sense of completion.

Completion's good. Completion's good.

[BLOWS]

[♪♪♪]

Closed Captions: Katie Radford