Original subtitles

♪ There is more in life than what you're living

♪ So take a chance and face the wind

♪ An open road, and a road that's hidden

♪ Brand new life around the bend

♪ There were times when I lost a dream or two

♪ Found the trail and at the end was you

♪ There's a path you take and a path not taken

-Hey, Wally. -Huh?

Did you catch that new girl at the juice bar?

Wow!

Yeah, yeah.

She looks just like my wife, Peggy.

In your dreams.

And, by the way, she's your ex-wife.

I mean, you've been divorced six months.

Don't you think we should stop talking about her?

You're right. All right. I agree.

My analyst agrees. My dental hygienist agrees.

I just can't help thinking that

Peggy's gonna be coming back to me.

Wally, she's remarried.

Marriages break up, you know. Mine did.

Come on, Wally, you've got to get out there.

You got to start circulating.

It's easy for you to say. You were born irresistible.

I wasn't born irresistible.

I had to work at it.

Well, no, you know, women just don't seem to find me very attractive.

Peggy must've told me that at least a million times.

Would you forget about Peggy?

Peggy is not all women.

Well, she is to me.

She was my first girlfriend.

And between us, Tony,

she's the first woman I ever...

Well, you know. And I was her only man.

You mean Peggy Putnam?

"Party Time Peg?"

Hey, why don't you guys evaporate, huh?

See what I'm telling you?

You gotta get out of your shell, start circulating.

-How about that girl at the juice bar? -No.

She was too aggressive, too forward.

Wally, she had to ask you what you wanted,

she's the waitress.

You got anybody else?

Uh...

I've got it. I've got it. Angela.

She's my boss.

She's real nice, and she's smart.

And she is really... Not bad looking.

Then why would she want to go out with me then?

Hey, I can talk her into anything. Don't worry.

Well, if she's so great,

how come you don't go out with her?

She's got a weak heart.

Can't believe I'm doing this. I hate blind dates.

Oh, come on, Angela. You're gonna have a great time with Wally.

Hey, he's a prince of a guy,

and underneath it all, he's got a great personality.

Uh-oh.

Well, you look really...warm, dear.

So, where's he taking you? Norway?

No, Mother, we're going to play miniature golf.

What kind of a lame-o comes up with an idea like miniature golf?

Actually, that was my idea.

Does that answer your question?

Mother, it's a perfect blind date.

You're always on your feet,

and if the guy tries anything funny,

you've got a club in your hand.

Hey, listen. Guys, listen.

You know, Wally's kind-of rusty at this dating stuff.

I don't think he needs a reception committee. Come on.

Oh, come on, Dad. We just want to check him out.

Yeah, we won't say anything.

We'll just stare.

-Mother! -Out.

No, no, no, come on, come on.

This'll be going to be really good for Wally,

going out with a woman like you.

A woman like me?

Well, yeah, you know...

Most guys would've fixed him up with a dog.

Thank you, Tony. Sort of.

Hey, Wally, Here you are right on time and looking really beige.

Come on in.

Wally, this is Angela. Angela, this is Wally.

-Hi. -Hi.

She doesn't wanna go out with me.

Oh! No, she does. She does. Sure, she does.

-Don't you, Angela? -Of course I do.

-Okay. Here. -Oh!

Thank you.

Oh!

A wrist corsage!

I know... I know that flowers aren't exactly right for miniature golf.

-But Peggy, that's my wife... -Ex-wife.

Right. You're absolutely right.

My ex-wife.

The greatest woman I've ever known in my entire life.

She just loved flowers.

I can't believe she's gone.

-Uh, Wally. Wally... -Uh-huh?

Uh, if you'd would like to call this off, I really would understand.

No, no, no, no.

He's raring to go, he's raring to go.

Right. Right. I won't let you down.

Let's play golf!

I will get you for this.

Thank you. I had a wonderful time. Goodnight.

You said "Wonderful."

That's the exact word I was going to use.

Wonderful.

-There it is again.

From now on, Angela, that's gonna be our word.

How sweet.

Well, thank you and goodnight.

Wait a minute.

I was wondering when can I see you again?

I mean... Tomorrow? Friday? Saturday?

-Sunday? You say when... -You know, Wally...

You know, this is a time when you should be seeing a lot of women.

-You're still recovering from your divorce. -No.

You are the one for me.

I haven't felt like this since the night I met and proposed to Peggy.

Wonderful!

Oh!

Goodnight.

WALLY: Wonderful!

Hey, Angela, how'd it go?

-Not wonderful. -So, how was it?

-Pretty bad. -Did you have a good time?

-Horrible. -Hi, Mom.

It was awful, okay? It was the worst night of my life.

Can't say I didn't warn you about the miniature golf.

Oh, come on, Angela. It couldn't have been that bad.

You're wrong.

I'm sure he's a very nice guy

but's he just a little too...

Pathetic.

I mean, he is so desperate.

One date, and the guy thinks he's in love with me.

That is desperate.

Hey, Angela. Come on. Angela, wait.

He needs another chance. He's like a guy who fell off a horse.

He's having trouble getting back in the saddle.

Well, you know what I mean.

That's right, dear.

I mean, what is one more bad date in your life?

No. No. Never again. Absolutely not.

Forget it.

-I think she's coming around. -Oh, yeah.

Wally? All right, all right.

-Wally. -Hi. Has Angela gone?

Yeah, she, uh, she just left for work.

Did she tell you anything at all about our date?

Well, she filled me in on the highlights.

Tony, it was magic!

We were made for each other.

-You sure you two were on the same date?

-Hey, Tony? -Yeah.

Is this Angela's toast?

I think so.

Oh, look at that.

It's perfect.

I can hardly wait to kiss her.

Now, come on, sit down and tell me everything about her.

Everything!

Well, all right, look. She's...

She's five-foot-seven.

She's a Gemini,

and she never wants to see you again.

Figures, you know. Peggy was a Gemini.

Oh, would you stop with Peggy?

Good morning, Tony. Oh, sorry.

I, I didn't realize you had company.

Mona, this is Wally. Yeah.

Wally, this is Mona, Angela's mother.

-You're Wally? -Yeah.

Well, my goodness, I've heard so much about you.

No, no, no, no, not that. Not that, look?

Uh... Stay here with Mona, okay?

Yeah, that's right. You really should not be alone at a time like this.

Stay and have a cup of coffee.

Finish your toast.

Mona, thank you.

-Hey, buddy, see you later, all right? -Yeah, yeah.

You know, I should have expected this.

Why would a woman like Angela

be interested in a loser like me?

You're not a loser.

Stop playing with your food.

Wally, you have a lot of...

Potential.

-I do? -Yes!

Trust me.

Wally, you are a diamond in the rough.

I'm a lump of coal.

No, you're not, maybe...

Maybe you're just trying too hard, huh?

You know, women like a, a little...

-Flirting.

No, I could... I could never do that.

Never obvious.

Then you turn back slowly.

This time staring a little longer.

This sure beats miniature golf.

Okay, all right, you try it.

Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm no good at it.

No, you were great. I can't do that kinda thing.

Have fun! Have fun, come on.

All right, okay.

First, okay, I look...

Mmm-hmm.

-Look at you. -Mmm-hmm.

Then I smile...

Then I turn away...

I forget what comes next.

Oh, Wally, don't worry.

You're gonna be great.

Because you've got the best coach in the business.

-Oh, hi, Tony. -Hey, Angela.

Listen, before you say another thing.

I'm real sorry about last night.

I never should have made you go out with Wally.

Oh, Tony. You know, it's funny...

All day I'm at work with confident, good-looking men

who say the right things and wear the right clothes,

and you know what?

It got me thinking about Wally.

-Our Wally? -Yeah.

Yeah, you know, he's nothing like those men.

You can say that again.

And Tony, last night wasn't so bad.

I mean, the wrist corsage,

although totally inappropriate, was rather sweet.

I was the only one at Puttin' Palace wearing one.

And when he stepped in the water hazard,

I mean, most guys would've quit.

But, you know, he hung his socks on the windmill

and he played on through.

I mean, the guy has a certain...

-Nerdy-charm? -Exactly.

Well, Angela, you know, he was here this morning,

old Wally, and... And he's wild about you.

He would die for you.

Really?

Oh, there is something sort of appealing about that.

And, you know, I do know what he's going through.

It's very, very tough dating again after divorce.

Yeah, yeah. That's why you'd be so perfect for him.

But Angela, this time could you try to be a little more, um, fun?

What?

I'm fun.

Yeah.

Hey, Wally. What's up?

I am, Tony. I'm walking on air.

Well, I can see that. Hey, I like the new threads.

Yeah? Oh, yeah. Well, I'm trying to change my image.

Well, good change.

Very good change.

Oh, hi, Angela.

Hi, Wally.

You know, Wally, as it turns out,

I... I'm going to be free on Saturday night...

Or, uh, even tonight if you'd like to do something.

Oh, yeah. Well, actually, tomorrow would be a lot better for me

because tonight, I, I have plans. Okay?

You... You have plans?

Well, there you are, gorgeous.

Wait a minute.

Wally. Now you're going out with Mona?

Yes. Isn't life strange?

You know, I didn't realize you two even knew each other.

You know that Tony introduced us?

TONY: What? What?

I, I said, "Mona, this is Wally, Wally, this is Mona."

You call that an introduction?

Could I have a word with you, sir?

-Sure, what's on your mind? -Inside.

Wally, what is going on?

Well, you said I should date lots of other women.

I didn't mean in the same house!

Uh, Mother, would it be prying too much to ask you

why you stole my date?

I didn't steal him, dear.

I thought you didn't want him anymore.

Really?

Whatever gave you that idea?

You did.

You said that it was the worst night of your life.

I thought I was doing you a favor.

Oh, thank you, Mother.

But I've decided to go out with Wally again.

Well, that's nice, dear.

Don't wait up.

Wait a minute.

You're still going out with him?

You bet. And it won't be the worst night of my life.

Come on, Wally. Let's blow this pop stand.

Oh... Goodnight, Tony. Goodnight, Angela.

I'll, uh, see you tomorrow.

Can you believe my mother?

Poor Wally, poor, vulnerable Wally.

Shattered by a divorce, on the rebound from me,

he falls right into her clutches.

That's one way of looking at it.

Was that Grandma leaving with Wally?

Yeah, sport.

You're right, Sam. Wally dumped Mom for Grandma.

That's just another way of looking at it, you know.

Well, we'll just see who gets dumped.

Oh, what are you gonna do? You're gonna break the date with Wally?

No. I'm gonna to keep the date with Wally.

And I'm gonna take your advice.

Now you're talking! Take my advice.

What advice was that?

You said I should be more fun.

Well, I'm going to be so damn much fun,

Wally's not gonna see straight for a week.

Dad, did you ever date two women at the same time?

Well...

Well, once.

When I was in high school,

I went out with the Camisa sisters for a while.

But it didn't last.

What happened? Did they find out and break the date?

No, the Camisa brothers found out and broke my nose.

Well, I'd better go upstairs.

I told Jonathan I'd play hide and seek with him.

-He's been hiding since 7:30.

Good evening.

Check it out.

-I hope I grow into that. -Get outta here.

Angela, that ain't a dress, that's a weapon.

Oh, this?

I just grabbed the first thing I saw in the closet and threw it on.

You've been getting dressed for an hour and a half.

The zipper was stuck.

Oh, hello, dear.

My goodness, you look nice.

Oh, your dress is ripped.

Oh, Mother, what a lovely sweater you have

clinging to you like a long lost relative.

Yeah, you know, you do.

You both look terrific.

Really, terrific.

Mother, did you come over here to show off your sweater

or is there something you wanted?

Well, I borrowed Wally's jacket last night, uh...

Late last night and. uh...

I just thought I'd bring it over and thank him.

I can thank him.

I don't think you can really thank him the way I can.

Girls! Girls!

Ladies!

How about if I thank him and he gets it in one piece?

Now what is going on here?

Well, my mother has clearly set her cap for Wally

and I'm afraid she's going to be disappointed

because it's obvious that he is quite interested in me.

After last night, I doubt that he even remembers her.

And after tonight I doubt he'll ever forget.

Hey, uh do you want me to get that

or do you two wanna duke it out?

-Hey, Wally. -Hi, Tony.

-How are you? -Hi, Angela.

Hello, Wally.

What a pretty dress.

Well, thank you.

Hi, Wally.

What a great sweater.

All right, look, you two have a good time.

-Go ahead. -Did you see that sweater?

Wally, it's just you and me tonight, let's party.

Well, before you go,

wouldn't anyone like a drink?

I would.

Well, it is Saturday. I mean, let the good times roll.

Well, then, Mother, why don't you

make a round of your specialty?

Old fashioneds.

Oh, Angela, you make them.

You're the expert at ice and bitters.

Why don't you both go?

You're getting fur on the rug here.

Tony, are those two gorgeous women really fighting over me

or is this some kind of a cruel, practical joke?

It's hard to believe, isn't it?

I mean, it's really hard to believe.

Well, I don't know. I mean...

Maybe beneath this civilized exterior

beats the heart of a savage.

It's really hard to believe.

Listen, "savage", I'll be right back.

Do me a favor. Don't swing on anything while I'm gone.

And may the best woman win.

She would stoop to blatant sexuality.

Where are the Camisa boys when you need them?

Tony, you're not going to believe this.

They want me to choose between them.

-I know. -How did this happen?

I don't know.

Maybe what I've been telling you all along is true.

That underneath it all, you're a terrific guy.

You just needed some confidence.

And now I got it. Thanks to you...

Dude.

Give me five.

Wally!

Keep your money. Just tell me who you're gonna go with.

I don't know. I've been thinking this over. I mean...

I don't want to hurt their feelings, Tony.

Could you do it for me?

-Ugh! -Come on.

All right. All right, "wild man".

Go ahead, go break some hearts.

-Thanks, a lot Tony. Thanks. -All right.

You know, I wish I was still married to Peggy

-because I could dump her, too.

That's great, huh.

Oh...

-Where's Wally? -Yeah.

-He has to make a decision. -Yeah.

Well, Wally made the only decision he could make.

He, uh, decided to leave.

Why?

Well...

He was overwhelmed.

Overwhelmed with the thought of having to choose

between two such loving and caring ladies such as yourselves.

He asked me to tell you that,

and hoped you would understand.

Oh, we understand, all right.

Right.

We both got dumped.

Bingo.

TONY: Who's The Boss will be back in a moment.

Stick around.

Tony, just for the sake of argument,

who would you have chosen?

Just for the sake of not arguing, I won't say, okay?

Well, you know...

Mother, I think he would have chosen you

I'm sorry I stole your boyfriend.

Oh, Mother, you didn't steal my boyfriend.

We all know if I wanted to, I could get him back like that.

In a pig's eye.

Oh, yes? Mother, really...

Ladies, ladies! Time! Time! Time, time, time

I'll get the mud, you get in your bikinis,

we'll settle this like we should.

Come on, let's go.