Original subtitles

(Man moaning)

(Goo splooshing)

(Light piano jazz music)

- [Man] Oh, oh yeah, there, there.

(Man panting)

(Goo splattering)

(Man moaning)

(Man panting)

(Meat splatting)

(Man moaning)

(Meat splatting)

- Do you like it when I throw my meat, sugarbush?

(Doorbell ringing)

(Man scoffing)

(Meat thudding)

Right in the middle.

Ramone, could you answer the door, please?

(Light jazz music continuing)

Oh, come on in uncle Paul.

Why don't you have a seat?

Would you like, uh, I think I have some cappuccino.

I could get you a mocha java, cafe latte.

- Why are you trying to fuck me?

- Fuck you?

I'm not trying to fuck you, uncle Paul.

- Why are you trying to fuck me?

- I'm trying to fuck him!

But you can wait, soldier.

- Why you trying to fuck me?

- I don't know what you're talking about.

- You a thief.

- I am not a thief.

The only thing I steal is hearts.

- And about two pounds of cocaine.

- Oh, hmph, that.

Yeah, well, actually,

I was meaning to talk to you about that, uncle Paul.

- Ain't nothing to talk about.

Either put up or shut up.

- Okay, why don't you just relax, have a seat?

Let me get you a cafe latte.

I think we have raspberry, mocha java.

Uncle Paul, have you ever thought of maybe cashmere,

you know, something yellow?

(Suspenseful string music)

(Guns firing)

Watch the drapes!

(Glass shattering)

(Guns firing)

(Body thudding)

You bitch.

(Guns firing)

(Dramatic orchestral music)

(Tragic bagpipe music)

Ugh, stucco is so '85.

(Man grunting)

(Tragic bagpipe music continuing)

(Feet scuffling)

(Bottles rattling)

(Bagpipe music fading)

(Bags rustling)

- Um, I, you, this is my, you go.

You stay, because you're looking so good, baby.

And you know, I am so horny I could fuck him.

That's really horny.

(Indistinct)

(Arrow whizzing)

(Man grunting)

Sure, okay, okay.

(Funky hip-hop music)

(Logo whizzing)

(Alarm bell ringing)

(Fingernails Scratching)

- Hey, I had a really great time last night.

I was kind of wondering,

have you ever made love in a mack truck?

You go over the bumps, right?

And it's just like, boom!

And your head hits the head.

And you know, next thing you know,

your knee's somewhere in your chest,

and all of a sudden somebody's on top of somebody.

And then that great hula hoop thing, you know,

the little thing that you have on the car thing,

the little do-do-doo,

you know, you ever see that commercial when the guy crashes?

Well, that's what happened, right?

Check this out, you're gonna love this.

Me and my uncle are driving in the car

and, well, that a little fib, 'cause he's not my real uncle,

but you know, whatever, it doesn't matter.

We're living in the country, it's great.

And we're driving along and he's like,

"you know what, Wendy?"

He's like, "go down there, baby.

I think you're really gonna like this," right?

And I do, right?

And then all of a sudden, I don't know what happened, man.

Bam!

- Yeah, so, uh, listen Susie, I gotta-

- Wendy.

- Whatever.

Look, I gotta go off to work, okay, so-

- wait, wait, wait.

You don't have my number, do you?

- Yeah, yeah.

But could you do me a favor, you know, when you leave?

- Let me give you my number.

- Can you just lock up and make sure everything's secure?

'Cause I don't want nobody busting in.

- Well thank you.

- You're gonna call me?

- I'm gonna call you, I had a great time,

and I just want to tell you you're wonderful,

I love you, love you.

Mwah!

Okay baby.

- You're not gonna call me, are you?

- Wendy, I'm gonna call you.

- You're not gonna call me.

- Wendy, I'm gonna call you.

- It was the jello thing, wasn't it?

- No, it was nothing.

Okay look, look, look, you and I gonna go out,

have a nice little, you know, cup of coffee or whatever

and be good.

- I don't drink coffee.

- Well, slurpee then, okay?

- Okay.

(Lips smacking)

- Talk to you later.

You're not gonna call me, are you?

(Upbeat old school hip-hop music)

- [Thug #1] I ain't gonna wear these, I don't look right.

- [Thug #2] You look great, you look good.

- [Thug #1] No I don't.

- [Thug #2] You look good.

- [Thug #1] No, no, come on, look, look at the clothes,

look at the way I'm dressed.

I just gotta, I gotta have the right shades on.

These aren't right, they're too loud, they're too dirty,

there's fuckin' fingerprints all over 'em.

- [Thug #2] Relax, you're worried about the fucking glasses?

- [Thug #1] Yeah, yeah, I'm worried about the glasses.

Gotta look good when you go into the job, you know?

Fuck.

- [Thug #2] You ready?

- Agh, give some oil for these, it's gonna give us away.

- [Thug #2] Will you stop complaining about

the damn glasses.

Keep 'em on, we're going in.

- [Thug #1] I can't wear these, I can't wear these.

With these on, it's blacker than your grandma's a-hole.

I can't wear them.

- Don't talk about my grandma.

(Thug #1 scoffing)

Okay, what do you wanna hear?

You wanna hear you look good?

You look good, you look-

- [thug #1] Gah, you'll poke my eye out.

- You look good, all right, kid.

- I look good.

- [Thug #2] Yeah, you look good.

- I look good.

- Let's go.

- [Thug #1] You sure I look good?

- You look great.

You ready now?

- All right.

- [Thug #2] Okay.

- All right, as long as I look good, that's fine.

Okay, let's go, let's go, let's go.

(Hip-hop music)

♪ Get a new job ♪

(Oil sizzling)

♪ Get a new job ♪

(Water spritzing)

(Plate squeaking)

♪ (Singer speaking Spanish) ♪

(Man spitting)

(Plate squeaking)

♪ Get a new job ♪

- Boy, boy!

Come here boy, get over here boy.

- [Waiter] Yes, sir?

- This soup, this soup is way too hot.

Now watch carefully, watch.

See, when I crack these, watch the crackers.

Watch how I dissolve too quickly because it is too hot.

I've had better dog food than this.

- [Waiter] Okay so, I'm so sorry, sir.

We'll take care of this for you.

- That is the worst soup I've ever had.

(Mischievous jazz music)

(Fly unzipping)

(Man sighing)

- So what was with you and broad last night?

- Ehh.

- There was some good stuff happened last.

- Forget her, Stan.

- Forget her?

- I was totally not into her, you know?

- You looked like you were into to me,

about five inches into her.

(Urine tinkling)

Well, actually about three inches in your case.

- Oh Stan, I just got nothing in common with her, you know.

It's like, you know what I'm looking for?

I'm looking for like a logical woman, you know?

- A logical woman?

- Yeah.

A "logical woman," there's two words that don't fit.

What you call an oxymoron.

It's like, it's a oxymoron is what it is.

You gotta learn to appreciate a woman for what she is.

You can't look into a woman

and try and make her something that she's not.

You can't try and find a Princess Diana in every woman

because there's only one Princess Diana

and she's fuckin' dead.

(Man sighing)

- I dunno, Stan.

It's like the last girlfriend I was datin', you know?

She kind of like always related everything to herself.

You know, like I'd say "honey, it's cold."

She's like, "well, what are you saying?

I'm frigid?"

And then, you know, when we break up,

she says, "oh, I need time for myself to discover myself."

You know, why can't you discover yourself

while you're lying down on your back?

- I don't know.

You may be talking to the wrong guy because

the only woman I ever lived with was my mother.

She never put out.

At least, while she was conscious.

- No, you know, Stan,

I'm just looking for the perfect woman.

Well, you know, not a perfect woman,

but the perfect woman for me, I mean,

you know, I just want someone that

I got a lot of things in common with

and you know, we spend time together and it's perfect.

You know, it's like a unicorn, you know?

It's like everybody talks about that unicorn

and that search for that unicorn.

And that's what I'm looking for, I'm looking for a unicorn.

Someone perfect.

- Oh, that reminds me, I gotta order some foot longs.

Make sure I put that in before I go home.

- Great.

- It's about time.

What took you so long?

How long does it take to make soup for goodness sakes?

This soup better tastes good, let me tell you right now.

It looks, all right, it looks-

(man spitting)

(Man sighing)

- God, I just hate my life.

(Blues piano music)

- [Boss] Frank, what'd I tell you about

urinatin' in that there food?

- I told you, if you cleaned the goddamn toilets,

I won't have to fuckin' piss in the customers' goddamn food.

Fuck you want?

(Paper slapping)

(Bouncy jazz music)

Yeah, look, that's nice and all, but I'm a kinda busy guy.

You mind getting outta the way?

- Did you read that goddamn letter, you pinhead?

- Oh please, don't kill me, don't kill me.

Let me ask you, let me ask a question.

- [Thug #1] Yeah, go ahead, make it quick.

- You can't see anything with them sunglasses on, can you?

- I can see this bullet go right through

the top of your head is what I can see.

- Please do me a favor.

- What?

- Take them sunglasses off and look yonder.

- Yeah right, don't try any tricks.

- All right, hold it right there.

Pal.

- Cops?

I afeard of no goddamn cops!

(Chairs scooting)

- But cowboys?

Shit, they scare they hell outta me!

(Guns firing)

(Gunfire exploding)

(Explosions blasting)

(Machine guns thudding)

- I'd like to make a complaint.

I'd like to see the manager.

This place sucks.

(Gunfire blasting)

(Lasso whizzing)

(Thug grunting)

- [Thug #1] Jesus H. Christ!

What the hell you think this is?

(Gun firing)

(Thug cackling)

Haha, I got you!

You fuckin' motherfuckin' ten-gallon hat on your head man!

I am on top of the world, man.

I blew you all the way to (indistinct).

Fuck, I am kid clash!

(Gun whizzing)

(Gun cocking)

(Exciting electronic music)

Please don't move.

(Man panting)

(Sirens wailing)

(Smooth piano jazz music)

- [Detective] So, one more time, for the record,

why don't you just tell me what happened, in your own words?

- Well, everything was great up until,

well, the soup wasn't great,

but everything great up until then.

And all of a sudden the dishwasher back there-

- [detective] Dishwasher.

- Guns started shooting, people started dying.

- [Detective] Shooting, right, dying.

One quick question.

You didn't happen to piss yourself, did you?

'Cause it's a wee bit stanky here.

- Frank, frank, frank, are you okay?

I'm freakin' out, man.

- Stan, Stan, relax, relax.

- I'm flitting like a butterfly.

- Put your hands, put your hands in your pocket, okay?

Just relax, okay?

Jesus, what am I doing here, it's unbelievable.

(Stan panting)

(Mellow piano jazz music)

Oh Stan, I think I really need a drink.

- I think I need a woman right now, if not sooner.

Oh my god!

- Well, how about we go to hooterville?

- Okay, yes, hold me!

Falling, falling, falling!

Whoo!

(Funky hip-hop music)

How you makin' out over there?

I got somewhat of a washing machine, motion of the ocean

thing going on over here.

Frank, what're you doin', man?

You fadin' a little bit?

- Blow me!

Just get on your knees and blow me.

That's what I'm talking about.

Oh, no honey, not you.

I was actually talking my friend over here.

Hey, get outta here, dude!

Come on man, Stan, look.

I'm lookin' in the classifieds section, okay?

I'm trying to get a job, okay?

'Cause you and I almost got killed tonight

and I'm tired of working in that place.

There's like no future in it.

- Nah, I think you're crazy.

It's a great job, you're missing out.

- What, you love that job?

- I love that job.

- How could you love that job?

- They let me take home all the straws all the time.

- Naw man, you're just afraid to fail.

That's why you don't want to get out of there, man.

- I ain't a-scared of nothin'.

- You scared a lot, you scared.

You're scared of failure, that's what it is.

- Well, maybe I'm a little afraid of failure.

Lemme tell you a thing about failure.

Failure's like having an ugly girlfriend, okay?

When you're fuckin' her behind closed doors,

pardon me, ladies,

it's not a big deal, you know?

Nobody has to know about it, you can do whatever you want.

But when you bring her out in public,

which is a very small percentage at the time,

nobody has to know any wiser, you know?

And then you just say you're walking your dog or something.

(Stan sniffling)

- Well, I don't know what you're talking about, Stan,

but I gotta get a job, okay?

I'm outta here, okay?

So forget about it, you lush you.

- I think you need to concentrate on

the finer things in life,

like this young lady is here right here.

- [Frank] Dude, dude, dude.

- Listen, your good thing in life is

you know how to shoot a gun real well.

You're very handy with a gun.

- You can't make a living, you can't,

you can't make a living shootin' a gun.

- Can I see your trigger finger?

- Sure.

- So sexy, I think you need to concentrate on it.

Frank, these tits are real.

- [Frank] Of course they're real, Stan.

Ain't nothing fake on her.

Except that smile, of course.

(Darts thwacking)

- Skipper and Gilligan were gay, homosexual fakes.

- How can you say that, Stan?

- You know what the big giveaway was?

It's the term "little buddy."

"Little buddy," sounds a lot like "little butt," doesn't it?

Little buddy.

You know whose his little butt we're talking about?

Talking about Gilligan’s little butt.

Have you ever seen a skinny, almost pubescent ass

tightly pressed through the lips of the hammock man?

And I'm not just talking about looking at it.

I'm talking about every night, staring at that thing.

Being the last image when you go to bed to lalaland

and being the first image you wake up,

you see when you wake up, man,

it's enough to turn any man over to the other team.

Look, okay, maybe they was fags, maybe they wasn't.

That's not for you or me to decide, okay pal?

Sure, okay, maybe Gilligan did go down

and suck the skipper's dick, okay?

But they were on a fuckin' desert island, okay champ?

That's like being in prison.

Shit don't matter in the real world.

(Doorbell ringing)

(Playful orchestral music)

(Feet tapping softly)

(Door slamming)

- Can I see that for a minute?

- Yeah, sure.

(Stan snarfing)

(Stan panting)

Mmm, that's good eatin'.

(Wind howling)

(Haunting piano music)

- [Frank] Is anybody here?

(Footsteps tapping)

(Haunting jazz music continuing)

- You like monkeys?

Follow me.

(Toy laughing maniacally)

- Eh, I like to watch.

(Frank coughing)

- Shoot at the target.

(Target laughing)

(Gun cocking)

(Gunfire exploding)

(Bouncy jazz music)

(Toy squeaking)

- Nice outfit.

- Mm-hmm.

(Toy squeaking)

(Gunfire exploding)

(Toy whimpering)

- Not bad for a chick.

- Oh yeah?

- Yeah.

- Better than you.

- Oh, you think so?

- Oh, I know so.

- You think you better than me?

- Oh, I know I'm better than you.

- Oh, you got all the answers, don't ya?

- Haha, yes I do.

- I don't think so.

'Cause I'm like the a number uno honcho.

- I bet you for 20 bucks

you can't hit that squirrel right there.

- That squirrel over there?

- [Woman] Mm-hmm, 20 bucks, one try.

- [Frank] One try?

- [Woman] One try.

- You on.

Let me show you how real man does it.

Line up, right here, and then,

(frank panting)

Just keep your eye on the squirrel.

Just move around a bit, just gotta

(frank moaning)

(Gunfire exploding)

(Glass breaking)

God damn son of a bitch!

- Come on, pay up.

Don't call me a bitch.

(Bouncy jazz music continuing)

- You want a job?

- Uh, I guess.

- Well, at hooterville nine o'clock tomorrow

and don't be late!

Yeah, it was good for me too.

(Balls clinking)

(Funky electronic music)

Sorry to interrupt your work, uncle Paul.

This is frank, the new guy.

He'll be working for us next week

doing surveillance, making deliveries,

keeping an eye on things.

- Fabulous.

- He's not too big a piece of shit.

I think he'll work out just fine.

- Marvelous.

- He's a good enough shot.

Almost as good as Vanessa.

Almost.

- Terrific.

- Now say something to uncle Paul.

And don't say anything stupid.

- Howdy, uncle Paul.

I just want to say this is a lovely place you have here.

- That's enough, you miserable prick.

- I just wanna say my name is Stan, I'm his best buddy,

and that you look really great in that suit

and your hair looks pfft.

- Fuck off!

(Stan gasping)

- Look, uncle Paul, we're a team, okay?

Stan's my buddy.

If he goes, I go, that's the deal.

- You're pushing it, hopalong.

You're really trying uncle Paul's Patience.

And you, dildohead,

what are you good for, besides pissing me off?

- Well, I could make sure that the scumbags like me

aren't all over the girls, especially the blondes.

And you know, I could keep people's glasses filled

with booze and wine.

Make sure just everybody's happy, you know,

like an emcee or a maitre d'.

- Wonderful.

- You're lucky that uncle Paul is

an equal opportunity employer,

or you would find your throat slit

from your hat to your hemorrhoids.

- Uncle Paul, I-

- beat it, the two of you.

- I just wanna say, uncle Paul, it's just a pleasure.

Thank you very much.

And if you ever need anybody to clean your balls,

you can count me.

Even if there were no cleaning fluids,

I would even come in and lick your balls

if you were not opposed to it.

I have no problem with licking your balls,

cleaning your balls at all, at all.

Thank you, uncle Paul, thank you.

- Come on, get outta here.

- Nice, friendly place, hooterville.

- Hey, nice cans on that chick.

Hey, you know if she has a sister,

we could get our fan club started.

What do you think?

(Door creaking)

(Exciting electronic music)

(Man coughing)

(Frank sighing)

- Oh yeah, Stan.

It sure beats the hell outta serving drinks, don't it?

- You're goddamn right it does.

- Ooh.

- You're late!

Go clean the toilet.

What're you lookin' at?

(Pool balls clanking)

- I don't think you and I have been properly introduced.

- No we haven't.

- My name is Frankie, and yours is?

- Pretty busy right now.

- Hey hey, what's goin' on?

Oh, hey, hey!

Hey Gus, what's up?

Hit me, hit me, huh?

(Breath freshener spritzing)

- Hey, how you doin', baby?

- Oh, fuckin' shit.

- What's wrong?

- Oh, you know, keep moving in, keep moving out,

traveling all around the country.

Fuckin' Megan's law.

(Shot glass slamming)

(Man sighing)

Hey.

Can I see your tits?

- Yeah, so, I've never seen a woman

handle a pistol like that before.

- Yeah, I like to shoot things down.

- I bet you do.

(Breath freshener spritzing)

- Jesus Christ, my tits are fuckin' bigger than hers.

- You know, you really look like a million bucks.

- Which is exactly why you can't afford me.

Nice hat.

- Ooh, my.

- What the fuck?

(Hand slapping)

Get away, get away, you!

- No, I paid good money for this!

Go get her, get her back here, now!

- Hold it right there, poncho.

Let's just calm down and take a Kathie Lee moment.

- Jesus Christ, who the fuck are you?

You fuckin' cowboy, get on your goddamn horse

and bring that fuckin' girl right here now.

- Now come on, what would your mama think?

Come on, let's just put the gun down.

Let's just calm down and nothing crazy goes on.

- I'm gonna kill every one of you,

starting with you, cowpoke.

(Gun firing)

(Gun whizzing)

(Man cackling)

(Exciting surf rock music)

(Whistle trilling)

(Man grunting)

(Gun clanking)

- See that fuckin' cowboy asshole over there?

Pulverize him.

And then bring me the girl.

(Hands whisking)

(Knuckles cracking)

(Foot thudding)

(Foot smacking)

(Frank groaning)

- [Frank] Unh, I think I broke something.

(Fist thwacking)

(Man yelping)

(Feet thudding)

(Hands slapping)

(Feet thwacking)

(Feet thunking)

(Whistle trilling)

(Rattle clacking)

(Horn honking)

(Foot thwacking)

(Frank trembling)

- Wait!

I'll give you $20 if you just stop, please.

- Okay.

- I'm gonna kick your-

(man yelping)

- Now listen, boy, you don't come in there

and disturb customers like that and act like a pig, okay?

- Do you have any idea who I am?

I have no idea.

- I'm Freddy coconuts.

Freddy coconuts!

- Well, that's great.

But look, don't ever try doing that shit again

or I'll kick your fuckin' ass.

- You, you, you, you'll rue the day

that you talked to me like that.

(Crowd cheering)

(Exciting electronic music)

- Yo, frank!

Can I see you in my office?

(Women gasping)

(Air whizzing)

- Good luck, Hank.

- Oh, it's, uh, it's frank.

- Huh, whatever.

- Oh, you were being a sarcastic, right?

- Oh yeah.

- Oh, 'cause for a second,

I thought you and I had some kind of connection there.

- No, no.

(Pool balls clanking)

- Yo frank, sit down.

- Uh, first of all, I really wanna apologize, uncle Paul.

I didn't mean to shoot up your whole place and stuff.

- Calm down.

- I'm sorry, please don't fire me, uncle Paul.

I really need this job, I mean-

- calm down!

You know, actually what you did was heroic

- heroic?

- That's right, you're a hero here in hooterville.

- Hero of hooterville, oh great.

That's very nice of you to say.

Most people just say I'm an idiot,

or you know, they say moron sometimes,

you know, pinhead's often used too.

- You're gonna have to be careful.

- Okay.

- That Freddy coconut is a powerful and dangerous man.

- Really?

- He's my rival.

- He's your, he's your rival?

Wha-what do you mean?

Does he own a strip club too?

I mean, that doesn't make any goddamn sense,

he was having that woman dance for him.

- No, no, no, he's in a different type of business.

- Different type?

What type of business would that be?

Well, if you don't mind me asking.

- Listen, that's none of your business.

Just take your ass back to work.

- Oh, okay.

Oh, by the way, your pig is slightly ajar.

Just wanted to let you know that.

♪ I made a friend today ♪

(Mellow alt rock music)

♪ I met him on the corner ♪

♪ he reached his hand my way ♪

♪ and asked me for a quarter ♪

♪ I could have turned away ♪

♪ and you mighta said I oughta ♪

♪ but I just had to say ♪

♪ brother, I could be in your shoes ♪

♪ brother, I could have your very same blues ♪

♪ brother, I could be you ♪

♪ in the blink of an eye ♪

♪ I met a girl today. ♪

(Bones cracking)

♪ I could see her heart was crying. ♪

♪ Her life had gone astray ♪

♪ but she was really trying ♪

♪ she said she'd no place to stay ♪

♪ and I knew she was not lying ♪

♪ so what could I say? ♪

♪ I said I feel like dying ♪

(Pool balls clacking)

- I just love the way you play with those balls.

- I guess you don't see too much of that, huh?

(Exciting electronic music)

- This is the life, spam.

- It's Stan, Johnny, not spam.

- [Johnny] Okay, scam.

- [Stan] Well, let me tell you there, little buddy.

It certainly is the freaking life, huh?

We got booze, we got pharmaceuticals, we got fire power.

The broads, huh?

Look at that thing winkin' at me.

- What I meant, stamp, was a nice crunchy pickle

and the newest issue of rod and reel magazine.

- [Stan] Well, you can keep your pickle, pal.

I'm gonna get me some filet mignon.

Excuse me, little girl.

(Magazine slapping)

- You're outta here, buddy!

- [Stan] Hey, what're you doing?

I'm just trying to warm my hands.

- Excuse me.

- You, make sure no one walks in on

our little whooping session, yeah?

And you!

Didn't I tell you you're not to squeeze the girls?

What do you think this is?

The frickin' supermarket where you can squeeze the melons

to see if they're ripe?

- Come on, take is easy, eh?

It was just a scratch and sniff test, you know?

Take a whiff, check it out.

- Didn't anyone ever tell you

it's not nice to poke someone in the face?

- What're you doing, man?

- And even worse to slap somebody silly?

- Then why are you doing it?

- Because I'm not nice, pudknocker!

- Okay, look Johnny, come on, calm down for a second.

Okay, just relax and sit down.

- Listen, pretty boy.

Don't you ever interrupt me when I'm kicking serious ass.

'Cause there's enough to go around.

- Look, Johnny, I promise I won't do it again.

It's just sensory overload.

Like when you were in gym class when you were a little kid

and you climbed the rope and it's rubbing up against you.

It's too much friction.

- You have one more chance, nimrod.

Better make the most of it.

(Distant electronic music)

Like I said to the punching bag,

one more chance between the two of you.

He fucks up again, you fuck up again, and you're through.

(Door slamming)

- Come back and fight you little chicken bastard.

(Stan yelping)

Oh, and another thing.

Someone has been making off with hooterville's liquor.

You put a stop to this, or else.

(Door slamming)

- Oh boy.

- I'm bash in your fuckin' head, come on back outside!

- Hey, hey Stan, you just relax, boy.

- Oh great, where were you, man?

- I was right there helping you out, I was right there.

- You didn't do shit for me, man.

He poked me in the chin, is it bleeding?

- Oh, you're all right.

- Look.

(Mellow hip-hop music)

What the hell am I doing here?

- Waitin', Stan.

- I'm waiting, what the frick am I waiting for?

I could be back at hootersville right now

with my head pressed between the breasts of

a very nice, lovely young lady

while I'm sitting on my own barstool

that has my assprint in it, cradled in comfort.

And instead I'm just waiting here like a jagoff.

- That's right, okay Stan?

Vanessa calls us up, we got a job to do.

We're supposed to meet somebody here

at sometime someplace to do something, okay?

So you just shut up and you just soldier.

- I gotta tell ya.

- Oh boy, now what?

- What the hell's in the truck?

- Stan, I don't know what the hell's in the truck.

And you know what?

It's not your job to know what's in the truck, okay?

You got a job to do.

You just do it and you shut up and you get paid.

- You know what?

This is all starting to get to be

a little bit too freaky "x-files" bullshit for me.

You know why?

'Cause I'm out here wasting my fuckin' time.

And who am I wasting my time for?

Not for me, not for you, for uncle Paul.

And while we're on the subject,

let me tell you about uncle Paul.

The fuckin' guy is a humorless bastard.

He can't spell.

It's "hootersville," plural, not hooter singular.

What the fuck is that?

And the final straw that breaks this monkey's back now is

he waters down all his booze.

Now you taste that, you tell me that's not watered down.

(Engine whirring)

- Well, my ride's here.

- You gonna be okay driving there, uh, Stan?

- Yeah, just drive really fast.

- Why's that?

- Because when I'm this drunk, pfft,

if I drive slow I'll be all over the fuckin' place.

You know, drive fuckin' fast so I go straight in a line.

- Okay, take care.

(Engine revving)

(Sultry funk music)

(Horn honking)

(Elbow thwacking)

(Frank grunting)

- Eh, bro!

(Stan ranting incoherently)

(Horn honking)

(Upbeat hip-hop music)

- Oh fuck!

- What's the problem?

- It's Freddy coconut's boys.

Come on bitch, let's get out.

- It's Stan, not "bitch."

- Hey, Vanessa baby!

- Hey Mickey, how's it going, how you doin'?

Looking good.

- You're looking good too, you know what I mean.

- What are you doing out here on such a nice day?

You should be at the beach with your family, huh?

- Sweating my nuts off, you know.

- How's your family?

- They're good.

How about you?

Very good, everything's going great.

- [Mickey] Who's your friend?

- [Vanessa] Oh, just, you know, associates.

Driving the truck and stuff.

- Driving a truck for Paul?

- Yeah, yeah.

- You know, let me tell you something.

Pauly, he does a prostitution thing,

he does the white slavery thing, he does 'em good,

but he should stick with what he does good,

you know what I'm saying?

Stay out other things, you know?

- He's not in other things.

- He shouldn't be muscling in.

- I'll give you my word, all right?

My word.

- He shouldn't be muscling in.

- He's not, no problem.

- Leave the coconut man alone, okay?

- All right, cool, no problem.

There's no problem here, all right?

- What's in the truck, baby?

- Nothin'.

- Nothin'?

- No, I mean, you know,

we got a ladder, couple cans of paint.

You know, it's a beautiful day,

we're gonna do some repairs on uncle Pauly's house.

- It's riding a little bit low, you know, for nothing.

- Well, you know.

- I got some concern for the truck,

I'm gonna check out what's in there, okay?

- Yeah, I got a couple things in there.

Nothing that you would be interested in, that's for sure.

- Open the fuckin' truck, okay?

(Truck door scraping)

Hey, what the fuck is this?

- These are just party favors.

See that box?

Those are all fake.

We're gonna have surprise party for uncle pauly.

We're gonna make like we're gonna hold him up.

- Oh yeah, Pauly'll like that.

- He'll love it, these are drinks, these are actual soda.

- Let me see you drink that, come on, drink some of that.

- Okay, you gotta sort of like lift the pop.

(Mickey cackling)

Then to open it, you just gotta shake it up a little.

- Oh yeah, shake it up, that's a drink, it's a soda pop.

Hey, where's the pin?

(Henchman screaming)

(Exciting electronic music)

(Gun firing)

(Glass shattering)

(Gun firing)

(Stan grunting)

(Gun firing)

(Gunfire exploding)

(Henchman yelling)

(Man screaming)

(Body thudding)

- Frank, shoot him!

Shoot him, frank, fuckin' shoot him!

For once in your life would you do something?

- Go for it, man, fuck you!

- Frank, shoot him, shoot his fuckin' head off!

Come on frank, don't you care about me?

(Gun firing)

(Frank panting)

Go, go, come on Stan, drive the car.

Stan, drive the fucking car!

(Gunfire exploding)

Stan, start the car.

(Tires squealing)

- This is crazy.

(Stan chattering incoherently)

Don't you gimme no lip, girlie!

I've had it with you, I've had all I can take with you

you crazy dumb broad!

Look at you, look at what you're doing to my car!

I can't take it!

(Engine whirring)

(Tires squealing)

(Stan retching)

(Mellow electronic music)

- [Vanessa] Ugh, I can't believe this.

(Foot thunking)

Shit, what the fuck are we gonna tell uncle Paul?

This is really fucked up.

And you, what's wrong with you guy, huh?

You're just sitting there, you won't do anything.

- Vanessa?

- [Vanessa] It really pisses me off.

Vanessa, Vanessa, I gotta, I gotta talk to ya.

Sit down, sit down Vanessa.

- Okay, just don't touch me, all right?

Fine, I'll sit down.

You really fucked up today, do you know that?

- Shh, I have to tell you this, okay?

And this might be totally at the inappropriate time

in the moment.

- You better tell me where the stuff is,

that's what I wanna hear.

- Look, I have to tell you this.

It's been building up for months and months and months,

and I have to tell you this right now,

and this might totally be at the inappropriate time,

but Vanessa, I loves you.

(Fist thwacking)

(Body thudding)

(Frank spitting)

(Frank trembling)

Vanessa, the fact that you hit me like that,

it's the reason more and more I love you.

You're a strong woman.

I've been looking for someone like you my entire life.

You and I were destined to be together.

Plus, you have a great fashion sense.

- You know, frank, I just really want to get something

straight here once and for all, okay?

I think you're a really nice guy.

You try really hard, and I like that about you.

You know, that's one of your better qualities.

But I just, this romance, it's just not gonna happen, okay?

Uncle pauly, he owns me, he owns all the girls.

I can't do anything.

I couldn't take a shit.

I can't choose my own clothes.

He's got say over my entire life.

You understand what I'm saying?

If I do something that he doesn't like,

which includes seeing you,

he'd either knocked me off

or just send me to Asia or somewhere.

So, it's just best if you just back off

and leave this alone, okay?

- Doesn't mean we can't be together.

Every time you leave me, Vanessa,

I feel like I'm going to die.

Right now, I've never been so more alive in my entire life.

(Dreamy synth music)

- I'm sorry, frank, but I belong to uncle Paul.

(Upbeat hip-hop music)

- Hey John, I need to see uncle Paul.

- What do you want, pocket-pool player?

- It's important, Johnny, okay?

I really need to see uncle Paul.

- I'll see if he's available.

(Frank sighing deeply)

(Chair squeaking)

(Squeaks continuing)

What are you, some kind of weirdo?

- [Frank] Uncle Paul, can I sit down?

- Go ahead, have a seat.

- Okay, um, uncle Paul, you're a businessman, right?

- That's right.

- Well, you know, you like to make a lot of money, right?

- Lots of money.

- Well, I got a business of proposition for you.

- Okay, go for it.

- How much would the coach buy Vanessa from you?

- Frank, don't you know that

no amount of money will buy Vanessa?

I don't know what's wrong with you.

Why you wanna leave with her

when you see her here every day?

- I know I see her every day,

but you know, I'm thinking about leaving hooterville

with Vanessa, uncle Paul.

- What is wrong with you?

You're unhappy here at hooterville?

- Oh uncle Paul, I, I, I love this place.

I mean, the women are beautiful.

And you know, uncle Paul, you're the uncle I never had.

And Vanessa, I love her.

And Stan, you know, he's just great.

- You know, that's all fine,

but I got one question to ask you.

- [Frank] Uh, what's that?

- Who in the hell is Stan?

- Stan?

You know, he works here, um.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, but listen, I have one thing I'd like to do,

or I'd like you to do for me.

- [Frank] Okay?

And I'll give you Vanessa.

- Give me Vanessa?

- Mm-hmm.

- Okay, well, what's the one thing?

- I need a small favor.

- Small favor?

Well, what do you need?

What do you want me to do?

- I need you to deliver a package.

- A package?

Uh, what's in the package.

- That's none of your business.

- Uh, okay, I got no problem with that, uncle Paul.

I can deliver that package.

- A deal's a deal?

- [Frank] A deal's a deal.

Great.

(Frank sighing)

(Exciting electronic music)

Hey you doing, ah, I'm gonna miss you.

(Lips smacking)

- Aww, give us a kiss.

(Hand slapping)

Candy!

All right.

(Hand slapping)

Bambi!

(Hand slapping)

Shrimp!

- Yeah, so Stan, I'm gonna go in

and say my goodbyes to Vanessa.

So you just hold down to fort, okay, you hear?

(Heels clacking)

(Spit squirting)

(Romantic piano jazz music)

(Exciting electronic music)

Well, how do you do, honey?

(Knife thwacking)

- Don't you ever do that again.

- I won't, I swear Vanessa, I won't.

I just came in here to actually say goodbye,

and to give you this.

It's a beeper, so when I'm out in the road,

I can call you day or night.

You can call me up, we can chat and talk, anything you want.

Need help or just to talk about sports

or whatever you need, Vanessa.

Well, I gotta go now.

Gotta do something for uncle Paul.

I just want you to know that

I'm coming back for you, Vanessa.

I said, I'm coming back for you, Vanessa.

- Yeah, sure, whatever.

- Okay.

- Here's the package, frank.

Be very, very, very, very, very, very careful with it.

And don't let clam touch it.

- [Frank] Okay, Johnny.

(Wind howling)

(Cheesy upbeat orchestral music)

(Soaps rattling)

(Towels whooshing)

(Toilet paper roll whooshing)

(Frank coughing)

(Phone ringing)

Hello?

- [Johnny] Open the package, semen-breath.

(Whistle trilling)

(TV static buzzing)

- Hello, frank.

And the other guy.

I know you, and you know me, but what you both don't know

is why you're sitting in this hotel room.

I want you both to go on a very important mission,

a mission of dire consequence.

It's very important.

And the only way I can demonstrate what I want you to do

is through the magic form of puppetry.

(Childish theme music)

Hi boys and girls, I'm Freddie coconuts.

Often people mistake me for a piece of shit.

Why, you may ask?

Well, probably because I constantly steal

money, drugs, and arms from my good pal, uncle Paul.

I always try to muscle in on uncle Paul's business

that he has worked so very, very hard to build up.

Uncle Paul has always been good to me,

and I've always been very bad to him.

Why do I keep on doing this?

Well, probably I'm just overcompensating for

my very, very small penis.

Well, if you'll excuse me, boys and girls,

I have to go to the drug store

and buy some hemorrhoid cream.

♪ La la la la la la ♪

(Engine revving)

Whoo!

What a ride!

Boy, does my ass hurt.

I knew I was having way too much gay sex last night.

Hey, who are you?

- I'm frank and very loyal, trusted,

and soon to be married to Vanessa

employee of uncle Paul's.

- Hey there, frank!

- Say, frank, what are you doing with that gun in your hand?

- I'm going to shoot you in the head.

- Okay frank, you know I deserve it.

- [Puppet frank] Bang!

- Ah, I've been shot!

I'm going to die!

Don't worry, boys and girls,

the world is going to be a better place with me gone.

That concludes our demonstration.

Good luck frank, and merry Christmas.

(TV static buzzing)

- So frank, you really gonna go through this thing, man?

You gonna kill Freddy coconuts, man?

- No, I, I ain't going through with it.

Well, yeah, actually kind of.

Oh, well, you know Stan, I got a master plan, okay?

I got a master plan right here.

- Well, you gonna, you know,

you gonna tell me about the master plan?

Are you gonna hit me with it?

- I can't tell you about the mas-

- what, you don't trust me?

- Oh absolutely, I trust you 100% percent, Stan,

but I can't tell you about the master plan.

- What, you saying I'm dumb?

- I ain't calling you dumb, I'm just calling you stupid.

And don't get mad now,

because being stupid's not a bad thing.

- Yeah?

- I mean, let me ask you a question.

Do you have problem sleeping at night?

- Not really, no.

- Well, I do.

You know why?

It's like, I go home and I read the newspaper

and watch television, listen to radio,

and I get depressed about what's happening in the world,

and I just don't see any future for my kids or anybody.

You know, being a dumb, stupid, ignoramus fuck-up

like yourself

is a pretty beautiful thing.

- You know, I feel pretty good about being me right now.

Thanks a lot, buddy.

(Man yelping)

(Man trembling)

(Glass shattering)

(Funky hip-hop music)

(Fist knocking)

- What?

- [Stan] Freddy coconuts?

- Yeah?

- This is for you then, here.

- I didn't order nothing, pal.

Yeah, well, what can I tell you?

I just deliver.

- All right, get off.

- Hey, I gotta get you to sign this paper here.

- Sign my ass!

(Hip-hop music continuing)

(Food crunching)

- Shhh.

(Freddy yelping)

- Hey, hey!

(Freddy grunting)

- Hey, hey, agh!

(Dramatic orchestral music)

(Freddy grunting)

Shoot him, shoot him, hurry up!

(Gunfire exploding)

(Guns firing)

(Freddy grumbling)

Shoot him, hurry up, shoot him right now!

(Cloth rustling)

(Freddy grumbling)

(Gunfire exploding)

(Gun firing)

(Trunk lid thudding)

(Engine rumbling)

(Tires squealing)

You better wait til I get outta here, when I get outta here-

- so, uh, now what do we do?

- I dunno.

- [Freddy] You're not gonna believe

what's gonna happen to you guys.

- We're supposed to kill him?

- Yeah, I guess, but you know, we got him, so.

- So what do you wanna do now?

- I dunno.

- You fucks, you!

(Trunk lid slamming)

- I'm hungry.

(Freddy's fist pounding)

(Freddy yelling)

- Blueberry pancakes.

- Okay.

- We can get some walnut too, maybe.

(Melancholic jazz music)

- Okay, I'm looking for how many holes in bowling ball.

It's three letters, starts with letter T.

- [Stan] Uh, ten.

- Ten, okay, that fits.

(Shooter breathing heavily)

(Bullet whizzing)

(Shooter sighing)

Uh, okay, big co-star in Pamela Lee video?

- [Stan] Big?

Her tits.

- Her tits, her tits, okay, that fits.

(Bullet whizzing)

(Milk trickling)

(Dramatic orchestral music interlude)

Okay, four letter word, bird that says quack.

- Duck!

- Yeah, that fits.

(Bullets whizzing)

(Gunfire exploding)

(Glass shattering)

(Bullets whizzing)

(Mellow jazz music)

(Exciting hip-hop music)

(Feet clomping)

Oh shit.

Uh-oh Stan, looks like you and I are in serious trouble.

(Grenade exploding)

(Gunfire exploding)

(Bullets whizzing)

(Glass shattering)

(Thug mumbling)

(Thug grunting)

(Shooter gasping)

(Gun firing)

(Electronics beeping)

(Frank grunting)

(Frank growling)

(Feet clomping)

(Latch clicking)

(Freddy grunting)

- Ah, thank god.

I bet you it was that, goddammit, who put me in here,

probably that piece of shit uncle Paul.

Let's kick his ass, okay?

Let's do it.

Hey, hey guys, help me get my big business outta here

and get me a drink.

(Phone buttons clicking)

(Exciting electronic music)

(Phone ringing)

- Hello?

- Uncle Paul?

This is Freddy, Freddy coconuts.

Freddy coconuts.

- Yeah?

- You motherfucker, how dare you fuckin' send your boys

down here to fuckin' knock me off.

- Mm-hmm.

- You know what?

- Mm-hmm?

- You're fuckin' dead.

Dead, dead, dead.

- Mm-hmm.

(Phone receiver clicking)

- Uncle Paul, hello?

Gah!

(Phone receiver slamming)

Fuck!

- Vanessa, will you come in here?

You know, Vanessa,

you've been one of my most loyal and wonderful employees.

We've had a very long lasting relationship.

- Why did you ask me here today?

Did I do something wrong?

- No, no, no, no, you've been wonderful.

But frank has betrayed me.

- I knew it.

See, I don't even know why you hired frank

in the first place.

- Listen, you don't have to pretend that

you and frank don't love each other.

I know you do.

- That's not true.

- You guys are an item.

- Who told you that?

- Pssh, listen.

- Why do you think that?

- It's very difficult for me to ask you to do this,

but if you do it, I'll set you free.

- All right.

- You must kill frank.

- Yeah, sure, whatever.

- Oh come on, I know you guys are an item,

it's gonna be hard for you to do.

- No, no, no, no, it's not gonna be hard for me to do.

- You love each other.

- It's not gonna be hard for me to do.

Easy.

Consider it done.

(Phone beeping)

(Phone ringing)

(Pager beeping)

(Phone ringing)

- Vanessa?

- Frank?

- Yeah, it's me.

- Hey frank, how you doing?

- Well, I've been doing better.

Feeling better too.

- Listen, did you get that job done?

- Well, me and Pete, we sort of, well, not exactly.

I don't get it done, no, I screwed up.

I'm sorry.

Look, I just, I really miss you.

- I know, I missed you too.

We really have to meet, it's very important.

- Well, okay.

I guess we can meet at the mulberry train station.

That's down on Watson.

Meet there about about five o'clock.

Vanessa, I wanna tell you, I love you so much.

- I love you too.

(Frank sighing)

(Wind whistling)

(Romantic string music)

- Oh shit!

(Exciting drum music)

(Gunfire exploding)

- Oh dear, hold your fire, please!

(Frank grunting)

(Vanessa thudding)

(Frank grunting)

- Get off of me!

- Why'd he make you, you fuckin' bitch?

I would've done everything for you.

- Let me tell you something, you stupid cowpoke.

How could you ever think that I would wanna be with you?

- Let me just tell you something right now,

in this very moment, I've never been so turned on.

(Vanessa squealing)

(Frank groaning)

(Frank grunting)

(Lips smacking)

(Fence rattling)

(Frank groaning)

(Hinges creaking)

(Lips smacking)

(Elbow thwacking)

(Chain rattling)

(Frank choking)

- Fuck it!

(Romantic jazz music)

- Listen, you got 50 bucks?

- Yeah, it's right in my wallet over there.

- Who's that?

- Oh, well, she was my ex-fiancee.

Things didn't work out, you know?

- Why do people keep pictures of their exes

in their wallets?

It's so corny.

- Well, it's like this, Vanessa.

Keeping pictures of your exes is like an alcoholic

that likes to keep a collection of wine bottles.

You know, it's really bad for ya,

but you just really, really wanna keep it close to ya.

Anyway, what's the deal between you and uncle Paul, huh?

- Me and uncle Paul, we were fucking, okay?

We were fucking for two years,

but I had to put an end to it

because the guy was just, he was a deadbeat.

He would never ask me to marry him

and I didn't think he was ever going to.

- Oh, you wanna marry this guy, huh?

- No, I would never marry him, he's totally not my type

and I don't like anything the man stands for.

- Well that doesn't make any sense.

Why they hell did you wanna marry in the first place?

- Because it is the point, it's the principle.

That's what a guy's supposed to do.

Don't you know, you dumb lug?

- Geez, you know what?

That's a typical thing a chick would say.

It's like this, my father once told me me, he said, "son,"

- goddamn, look at size of that monster truck!

- But he also said this:

About a million be ago, men, women, women, men, whatever,

we was all the same creature, all the same human being,

perfect, happy.

But then the gods came down in a jealous rage

and separated this creature, making it two,

one woman, the other being man.

Now for the rest of our lives,

we're trying to look for our other half.

I just want to tell you, Vanessa,

that I think you are my second half.

(Urgent jazz music)

Vanessa!

I'm pour my heart out to you and you just take off?

Come on.

- Listen, I'm gonna take the next train out of here, okay?

I gotta get away from you, that stupid fuckin' hat,

your asshole sidekick and uncle Paul, all right?

I'm gonna go as far as 50 bucks is gonna take me.

- Oh come on, Vanessa.

Come on, Vanessa, where you goin'?

- Where you goin', pal?

Look, she's nothing but trouble away.

- Oh, come on!

(Men bickering)

- [Stan] This whole situation has been nothing but trouble

ever since we got here.

We just almost got made into Swiss cheese for Christ's sake.

- What're you talkin' about?

- [Stan] You've got nothing but trouble

ever since this bimbo has walked into your life,

I gotta tell ya.

(Shooter panting)

That's it, we gotta get outta here,

we gotta get through with this situation, let her go.

(Gunfire exploding)

(Suspenseful sitar music)

(Gunfire exploding)

(Bullets pinging)

(Bullet whizzing)

(Body thudding)

(Gunfire exploding)

(Stan cackling)

(Shooter crying out)

(Body thudding)

(Shooter moaning faintly)

(Foot thudding)

(Frank sobbing)

- Oh good, oh you should've seen it man, it was beautiful.

The fuckin' guy is shooting at me all the time,

running up these stairs, boom, boom, boom,

running like James Cagney and shit, he hides behind a tree,

I dunno, he had to fix his shorts or some shit.

While he was doing it, boom, right in the balls

I blew the guy away, it was fuckin' beautiful.

What are you guys doing laying on the ground?

What, did you stub your toe or some shit like that?

Actually, now looking at you, I'm sorry,

I sorry I said all that stuff,

'cause you're kind of a cute couple.

(Frank sobbing)

Dude, you all right?

What's wrong?

(Melancholic guitar music)

Oh.

(Frank groaning)

(Sinister whirring)

(Digeridoo wailing)

(Tense string music)

(Distorted voice speaking)

- [Distorted voice] I miss you.

I love you.

I love you too.

I miss you.

I miss you.

(Distorted voice laughing)

I love you.

(Distorted voice laughing)

(Woman screaming)

(Digeridoo wailing)

- Yeah, so now what do we do, Dillinger?

Smart-ass.

- This what we're gonna do.

We're gonna go back,

and we're gonna kill Freddy coconuts and uncle Paul.

They killed Vanessa.

- Ah, you're drunk.

- No, I'm not.

- You'll be better in the morning.

- Well, maybe a little bit.

We're gonna go kill everyone.

And I'm not doing this just for me.

I'm doing this for you.

And I'm doing this for you too, Billy,

when you didn't make the little league team

and all the other kids laughed.

And this wasn't for you, Johnny.

Every Saturday night, you were on the Internet

talking to some girl named Gloria.

Two months later, you find out Gloria's

some pimple-faced kid from Ohio.

And this one's for you, the red, white, and blue,

the knick-knack paddy-whack give-a-dog-a-bone.

So what do you say?

You and me?

We go out in a fuckin' Blaze.

- Whatever, I'm gonna go get some pizza.

(Upbeat tropical music)

- [Man on phone] Hey Freddy, Paul Obronkowitz here,

the guy you barely pay to keep you outta jail.

Listen, there's something your trying to do-

(man on phone mumbling)

(Liquid sloshing)

(Cereal crunching)

(Freddy grunting)

(Paper crinkling)

(Gun firing)

(Thug exhaling)

(Freddy grunting)

- [Henchman] Hey, did you hear something?

(Water sloshing)

(Grenade exploding)

(Water splashing)

(Gunfire exploding)

(Henchman trembling)

- [Henchman] Throw it, throw it!

(Grenade exploding)

(Water splashing)

(Frank grunting)

(Gun firing)

(Water splashing)

(Freddy grunting)

(Water splashing)

(Freddy panting)

(Freddy grunting)

(Gun firing)

(Gunfire exploding)

(Coconut splooshing)

(Exciting electronic music)

(Woman screaming)

- Hey pal.

- Hey there, Johnny.

You see uncle Paul?

- Hold it right there, I'll get him.

(Johnny cackling)

Uncle Paul, that piece of shit frank is here.

I think we should string him up by the balls,

stick a pickle up his ass, and use his goddamn body as bait.

He'll be with you in one minute.

How about a hand of poker?

- What the hell kind of game you playing, Johnny?

- Game?

I'm not playing any game.

- Oh really?

Then tell me, why do I got five aces

and goddamn old maid card?

- Fellas, kick his ass.

(Guns clanking)

(Gunfire exploding)

(Shells clinking)

(Knife whizzing)

(Man screaming)

(Gun firing)

(Silly nostalgic string music)

(Gun firing)

(Exciting electronic music)

(Frank grunting)

(Microwave beeping)

(Microwave exploding)

(Man groaning)

- Drop the guns, fellas.

That's good.

Th three of us are gonna play a little game now.

(Gun scraping)

Well boys, this game is kind of like spin the bottle,

except a lot more fun.

- Johnny, Johnny, not me.

(Gunfire exploding)

Johnny, you should've shot him.

Oh.

(Gunfire exploding)

(Harp trilling)

(Birds tweeting)

(Exciting electronic music continuing)

(Puppet singing)

- Oh frank, you wouldn't shoot captain sparkles, would ya?

(Gun firing)

(Uncle Paul screaming)

(Gunfire exploding)

- [Stan] So, did you do what you had to do?

- [Frank] Yeah, Stan, I did.

- So, did you love her?

- Stan, I loved her more than I loved anyone

in my entire life.

Oh, hell.

I mean, what the hell is love anyway, you know?

I guess, you know,

if you ever thought you were in love with somebody,

you know, that's love.

I mean, that's all love really is, you know, thoughts.

Well, I won't be using this anymore.

I've always hated guns.

My pappy made me shoot when I was a kid.

I just wanted to be in the ballet.

(Melancholic bagpipe music)