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1
00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:17,654
Yeah. All right.
2
00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:19,378
Well, bye-bye, everybody.
3
00:01:19,446 --> 00:01:20,846
Huh?
4
00:01:20,915 --> 00:01:23,360
I'm going to meet Simka at
the Department of Immigration
5
00:01:23,384 --> 00:01:26,318
so she can get her green card
and stay in America forever.
6
00:01:26,386 --> 00:01:28,665
Oh... yeah! ALEX: Hey,
Latka, Latka, that's great.
7
00:01:28,689 --> 00:01:30,333
That's great. LATKA:
We'll have a party,
8
00:01:30,357 --> 00:01:31,567
and you're all invited.
9
00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:33,291
Oh. JIM: Uh, excuse me?
10
00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:37,930
Are you serving
barbecued yak lips again?
11
00:01:39,466 --> 00:01:42,701
I-I wasn't planning on it,
12
00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:46,237
but, uh, if you want, okay,
we'll serve it just for you.
13
00:01:47,808 --> 00:01:50,843
Latka, wait, Latka, Latka,
listen, I got a great idea.
14
00:01:50,911 --> 00:01:54,246
And, uh, believe me, this is not
a comment on how you entertain.
15
00:01:54,315 --> 00:01:55,747
Uh, just to save
you the trouble,
16
00:01:55,816 --> 00:01:57,482
why don't you let
us handle the party?
17
00:01:57,551 --> 00:01:58,483
Yeah.
18
00:01:58,552 --> 00:01:59,985
Yeah.
19
00:02:00,054 --> 00:02:02,954
You know, this-this
feels like this is a nice way
20
00:02:03,023 --> 00:02:06,624
of you saying that
our parties stink.
21
00:02:06,693 --> 00:02:07,959
A very nice way.
22
00:02:08,027 --> 00:02:09,661
Tony, Tony, will you?
23
00:02:09,730 --> 00:02:13,431
Okay, well, in that case,
we'll be home at 6:30.
24
00:02:13,500 --> 00:02:15,212
Okay, we'll do it.
Okay, all right, all right.
25
00:02:15,236 --> 00:02:17,180
Hey, Latka, how are we
gonna get in your apartment?
26
00:02:17,204 --> 00:02:19,871
Open the door and walk in.
27
00:02:19,940 --> 00:02:21,206
Oh, what are you talking about?
28
00:02:21,274 --> 00:02:22,554
Latka, don't you lock your door?
29
00:02:22,610 --> 00:02:25,210
Why? This is America.
30
00:02:25,278 --> 00:02:26,677
Oh, no.
31
00:02:26,746 --> 00:02:28,758
Latka, I mean, this-this
is a great country
32
00:02:28,782 --> 00:02:30,793
in a lot of respects,
but you know,
33
00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:33,330
there are still some vile,
horrid people around.
34
00:02:33,354 --> 00:02:35,454
Oh, that reminds me.
35
00:02:35,523 --> 00:02:38,389
Uh, Louie?
36
00:02:38,458 --> 00:02:40,992
Thanks for thinking of me.
37
00:02:52,939 --> 00:02:54,084
Hey, look at this!
38
00:02:54,108 --> 00:02:55,206
Look at this.
39
00:02:55,275 --> 00:02:56,919
Well, what do you know? Ooh!
40
00:02:56,943 --> 00:02:58,583
Did you do all this? Hey, Jim!
41
00:02:58,645 --> 00:03:00,478
Yup. Pretty snazzy, huh?
42
00:03:00,547 --> 00:03:02,180
You got it.
43
00:03:02,248 --> 00:03:07,752
I wanted Simka's party
to have a patriotic motif.
44
00:03:07,821 --> 00:03:09,387
Where'd you get all this stuff?
45
00:03:09,456 --> 00:03:11,990
Democratic Convention, 1968.
46
00:03:14,595 --> 00:03:16,673
Did I ever tell you I was there?
47
00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:17,896
Uh-huh.
48
00:03:17,965 --> 00:03:20,499
Yes, you did. In fact, you
told us you got arrested.
49
00:03:20,568 --> 00:03:23,128
Yup, for stealing decorations.
50
00:03:24,671 --> 00:03:26,437
They never would have caught me,
51
00:03:26,506 --> 00:03:28,840
except I went back
for one other item.
52
00:03:28,909 --> 00:03:30,408
What was that?
53
00:03:30,477 --> 00:03:32,510
John Chancellor's tie.
54
00:03:43,089 --> 00:03:44,789
Hi!
55
00:03:44,858 --> 00:03:48,960
Gee, what is this?
56
00:03:49,029 --> 00:03:52,864
It looks likes Uncle
Sam exploded in here.
57
00:03:52,933 --> 00:03:55,200
Yeah.
58
00:03:55,269 --> 00:03:57,535
They thought you were
going to get your green card,
59
00:03:57,604 --> 00:03:59,404
and they wanted
to give you a party.
60
00:03:59,473 --> 00:04:00,572
Yeah.
61
00:04:00,641 --> 00:04:03,808
Oh! What a great surprise!
62
00:04:03,877 --> 00:04:06,979
You have such nice friends.
63
00:04:07,047 --> 00:04:08,980
Gee,
64
00:04:09,048 --> 00:04:12,083
it's such a pleasure to
have you in my home,
65
00:04:12,152 --> 00:04:14,353
and I hope you
have a great party.
66
00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:16,461
All right? Good night.
67
00:04:20,293 --> 00:04:23,428
That was a lovely speech.
68
00:04:24,965 --> 00:04:26,665
Huh?
69
00:04:26,733 --> 00:04:30,368
Oh, Latka, didn't-didn't
Simka get her green card?
70
00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:31,970
No, no, but
71
00:04:32,038 --> 00:04:33,315
that doesn't matter.
It's-It's all right.
72
00:04:33,339 --> 00:04:34,551
Listen, let's have some fun.
73
00:04:34,575 --> 00:04:36,219
Now, who's up for
bobbing for fish parts?
74
00:04:36,243 --> 00:04:37,387
Wait a minute.
75
00:04:37,411 --> 00:04:39,344
Wait a minute, Latka.
76
00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:43,326
Simka didn't get her green card?
77
00:04:43,350 --> 00:04:45,395
Was there some kind of problem?
78
00:04:45,419 --> 00:04:46,818
No, is no problem.
79
00:04:46,887 --> 00:04:48,653
She just didn't go
inside the building.
80
00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:50,388
But that-that doesn't matter.
81
00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:53,425
Here, uh, Jim,
you fill up the sink.
82
00:04:53,493 --> 00:04:56,327
Uh, Elaine, open up
this can of flounder faces.
83
00:04:56,396 --> 00:04:58,396
Alex, hold your
nose and count to 20.
84
00:04:58,465 --> 00:04:59,809
Yeah, wait a minute.
85
00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:01,477
Ha!
86
00:05:01,501 --> 00:05:04,069
Uh-oh.
87
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:05,737
Hi, everybody.
88
00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:07,472
How is the party going?
89
00:05:07,541 --> 00:05:09,040
Is everybody having a good time?
90
00:05:09,109 --> 00:05:11,053
Now, if there is
anything that you want,
91
00:05:11,077 --> 00:05:12,577
don't hesitate to ask for it.
92
00:05:12,646 --> 00:05:13,878
Don't mind me.
93
00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:17,182
I just had a craving for
a little salt, you know?
94
00:05:17,251 --> 00:05:19,811
Uh, Latka, close the drape.
95
00:05:22,756 --> 00:05:26,324
Okay, now, uh, who
wants to bob first?
96
00:05:26,393 --> 00:05:27,892
Me!
97
00:05:27,961 --> 00:05:31,028
But I've got to warn you,
I've done this professionally.
98
00:05:31,097 --> 00:05:32,264
Latka?
99
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,298
Latka, I-I don't
want to butt in,
100
00:05:34,367 --> 00:05:36,534
but, uh, she wouldn't
go into the office,
101
00:05:36,603 --> 00:05:38,670
and she's acting very peculiar.
102
00:05:38,738 --> 00:05:41,672
You don't miss a thing, do you?
103
00:05:41,741 --> 00:05:43,687
Listen, it's no cause for alarm.
104
00:05:43,711 --> 00:05:45,688
She gets this way once a month.
105
00:05:45,712 --> 00:05:46,411
Oh.
106
00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:47,578
Oh.
107
00:05:47,647 --> 00:05:48,880
Oh.
108
00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:57,155
Are we supposed to have
realized something here?
109
00:05:57,224 --> 00:05:58,323
Okay, Jim?
110
00:05:58,392 --> 00:05:59,491
Huh?
111
00:05:59,559 --> 00:06:03,161
Simka's having her,
uh, monthly problem.
112
00:06:03,230 --> 00:06:05,597
Bills, bills, bills.
113
00:06:13,073 --> 00:06:14,573
Well, who is winning?
114
00:06:14,641 --> 00:06:15,740
I am.
115
00:06:15,809 --> 00:06:16,953
Hey, Latka, what
are you doing here?
116
00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:18,287
I thought you had that,
uh, big appointment
117
00:06:18,311 --> 00:06:19,455
at the Immigration Office.
118
00:06:19,479 --> 00:06:20,778
That's right.
119
00:06:20,847 --> 00:06:21,980
What's the hurry?
120
00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:24,127
This is the third
interview we've lined up,
121
00:06:24,151 --> 00:06:25,917
and Simka has yet to show up.
122
00:06:25,986 --> 00:06:27,352
She's going to be deported,
123
00:06:27,420 --> 00:06:29,921
and my life's going
to be a barren desert.
124
00:06:31,458 --> 00:06:33,403
Why did these
interviews have to happen
125
00:06:33,427 --> 00:06:36,093
while she's having
her crimpka poosh?
126
00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:41,911
Well, Latka, maybe
if you explain to them
127
00:06:41,935 --> 00:06:43,212
that she wasn't
feeling very well,
128
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:45,147
they-they'd postpone
it for a couple of days.
129
00:06:45,171 --> 00:06:46,271
Couple of days?
130
00:06:46,340 --> 00:06:47,483
Yeah.
131
00:06:47,507 --> 00:06:49,674
It's going to be
more like two weeks.
132
00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:53,144
Oh, no, no, Latka, I'm
sure you're mistaken.
133
00:06:53,213 --> 00:06:55,146
No, Simka's...
134
00:06:56,983 --> 00:06:58,349
A woman's...
135
00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:04,756
Well... Well, my...
crimpka poosh...
136
00:07:06,526 --> 00:07:09,227
lasts four days tops.
137
00:07:09,295 --> 00:07:15,066
Elaine, you don't
have crimpka poosh.
138
00:07:17,337 --> 00:07:19,470
Latka,
139
00:07:19,539 --> 00:07:23,808
I don't want to argue
the point, but I do.
140
00:07:23,877 --> 00:07:26,410
No, you don't.
141
00:07:26,479 --> 00:07:28,045
Yes, I do!
142
00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:29,281
You don't.
143
00:07:29,349 --> 00:07:33,217
Latka, I have crimpka poosh,
144
00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:37,956
and I have been crimpka
pooshing since I was 12.
145
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,526
Elaine, you don't
by any chance think
146
00:07:41,594 --> 00:07:44,329
I'm talking about
your period, do you?
147
00:07:48,868 --> 00:07:50,869
Well, I did.
148
00:07:50,937 --> 00:07:54,439
But maybe because I love
talking about it so much.
149
00:07:55,542 --> 00:07:57,008
Now, wait a minute, wait.
150
00:07:57,077 --> 00:07:59,517
If that's not it, then-then
what is it you're talking about?
151
00:07:59,579 --> 00:08:01,057
Yeah, what is it? Yeah.
152
00:08:01,081 --> 00:08:03,314
Well, I'm talking about
the two weeks every month
153
00:08:03,383 --> 00:08:05,717
when Simka becomes
like another person.
154
00:08:05,785 --> 00:08:11,356
Is, uh... she, by any
chance, clumsy, Latka?
155
00:08:11,424 --> 00:08:13,558
Yes. How did you know?
156
00:08:13,627 --> 00:08:16,127
And she craves salt?
157
00:08:16,195 --> 00:08:17,362
Yes.
158
00:08:17,431 --> 00:08:20,231
As a matter of fact,
she puts it in the coffee.
159
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:21,666
Hey, it tastes terrible.
160
00:08:21,734 --> 00:08:23,168
Uh-huh.
161
00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:26,972
Uh, does she have... headaches?
162
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:29,140
Talking jags?
163
00:08:29,208 --> 00:08:31,209
Crying jags? Depressions?
164
00:08:31,277 --> 00:08:32,511
Yes.
165
00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:40,384
Latka, I'm no scientist
or medical authority.
166
00:08:40,453 --> 00:08:42,520
I'm just an average Joe.
167
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:49,460
But in my opinion, Simka suffers
168
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:51,829
from premenstrual syndrome.
169
00:08:51,898 --> 00:08:54,143
Oh, really? You think so?
170
00:08:54,167 --> 00:08:55,310
That's terrible.
171
00:08:55,334 --> 00:08:56,568
Yes.
172
00:08:56,636 --> 00:08:59,270
I read about it in the
Harvard Medical Journal.
173
00:09:02,342 --> 00:09:04,609
Or was it on a box
of Cocoa Puffs?
174
00:09:07,013 --> 00:09:08,312
Huh?
175
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:10,459
Jim, please tell
me more about this.
176
00:09:10,483 --> 00:09:13,084
Simply stated,
177
00:09:13,153 --> 00:09:18,122
throughout Simka's
monthly cycle,
178
00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:22,827
hormonal changes occur which...
179
00:09:24,498 --> 00:09:26,464
I'll get it.
180
00:09:26,533 --> 00:09:28,777
Hey! Hey, wait a minute!
181
00:09:28,801 --> 00:09:29,979
Where are you going?
182
00:09:30,003 --> 00:09:31,247
Come back here, you.
183
00:09:31,271 --> 00:09:32,481
Latka? Wait a minute!
184
00:09:32,505 --> 00:09:34,149
Latka, I know what
Jim is talking about,
185
00:09:34,173 --> 00:09:35,551
and I think he's right. I-I...
186
00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:37,053
Just... It sounds like, uh...
187
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:39,289
It sounds like Simka's suffering
from premenstrual syndrome.
188
00:09:39,313 --> 00:09:40,456
But don't worry about it.
189
00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:41,924
I had a friend who had it.
190
00:09:41,948 --> 00:09:43,826
She went to her doctor.
He gave her vitamins.
191
00:09:43,850 --> 00:09:46,128
He changed her diet and-and
it really made a difference.
192
00:09:46,152 --> 00:09:47,718
How long did it take?
193
00:09:47,787 --> 00:09:49,787
About two months. Well, I only
194
00:09:49,856 --> 00:09:51,689
have six minutes
before this interview.
195
00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:54,125
It's the last chance before
Simka gets deported.
196
00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:56,305
Hey, Latka, Latka, excuse
me, but, uh, sometimes
197
00:09:56,329 --> 00:09:59,264
when, uh, someone
knows, uh, what they've got,
198
00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:02,166
it makes it easier for
them to deal with it.
199
00:10:02,235 --> 00:10:04,595
Now I'll bet that just before
you go into that interview,
200
00:10:04,637 --> 00:10:06,616
if you take Simka
aside and explain to her
201
00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:07,783
just what's wrong with her,
202
00:10:07,807 --> 00:10:09,318
it's gonna help
her get through it.
203
00:10:09,342 --> 00:10:10,853
Yeah, yeah. Oh, that
sounds like a good idea.
204
00:10:10,877 --> 00:10:12,388
Yeah. I'm going to
meet her right now
205
00:10:12,412 --> 00:10:14,123
at the Department of
Immigration, and I'll tell her.
206
00:10:14,147 --> 00:10:15,291
Okay, good luck. Okay.
207
00:10:15,315 --> 00:10:16,459
Bye-bye.
208
00:10:16,483 --> 00:10:17,693
Good luck, Latka.
209
00:10:17,717 --> 00:10:19,094
Good luck, baby. I've
got to go, too, you guys.
210
00:10:19,118 --> 00:10:20,263
I'll see you.
211
00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:21,564
Hey, wait up. I'll walk you out.
212
00:10:21,588 --> 00:10:22,687
Hey, take it easy, Al.
213
00:10:22,755 --> 00:10:23,922
Okay, see you later.
214
00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:26,958
Boy, Reiger, I'd hate to be you.
215
00:10:27,027 --> 00:10:28,693
I'd hate to be the one
216
00:10:28,762 --> 00:10:31,996
who ends up having
to help everybody else.
217
00:10:32,064 --> 00:10:34,198
Geez, what a sap!
218
00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:35,933
It may surprise you, Louie,
219
00:10:36,002 --> 00:10:38,503
but I happen to
enjoy helping people.
220
00:10:38,571 --> 00:10:39,804
And, yes, I will admit,
221
00:10:39,872 --> 00:10:41,539
it gives me a
certain pleasure, yes.
222
00:10:43,209 --> 00:10:46,377
Poor Latka.
223
00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:49,581
That was Simka on the phone.
224
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:53,651
She says she's not gonna show
up for her interview this time.
225
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:55,954
I tried to persuade her,
226
00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:58,690
but she growled at me.
227
00:10:58,758 --> 00:11:01,692
I guess she's gonna be deported.
228
00:11:01,761 --> 00:11:05,329
She is doomed.
229
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:10,769
Is there no one
who can save her?
230
00:11:12,539 --> 00:11:16,074
Is there no one who
can go over there
231
00:11:16,143 --> 00:11:18,409
and talk some sense
232
00:11:18,477 --> 00:11:20,790
into the poor, demented soul?
233
00:11:20,814 --> 00:11:24,382
Oh, it seems so hopeless.
234
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:28,186
But wait a minute!
235
00:11:34,961 --> 00:11:38,696
Reiger the Good is here!
236
00:11:38,764 --> 00:11:40,731
He'll save the day
237
00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:44,335
and enjoy himself to boot.
238
00:11:46,773 --> 00:11:49,774
Let the good times roll, Reiger!
239
00:11:57,551 --> 00:11:59,818
Simka?
240
00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:03,054
Simka?!
241
00:12:05,624 --> 00:12:06,624
Simka?
242
00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:13,798
Simka, I, uh, I
want to talk to you.
243
00:12:17,871 --> 00:12:21,506
Now, look, Simka, if that's
you, you better stop this.
244
00:12:23,710 --> 00:12:27,145
Oh, so, Reiger, what,
245
00:12:27,213 --> 00:12:29,380
you were just in
the neighborhood
246
00:12:29,449 --> 00:12:33,485
and decided to drop by
uninvited and scream at me?
247
00:12:33,553 --> 00:12:35,530
No, no, no, no, no, I, uh...
248
00:12:35,554 --> 00:12:38,089
I was a little startled
249
00:12:38,157 --> 00:12:40,102
when you pulled that
curtain open. Mm-hmm.
250
00:12:40,126 --> 00:12:42,405
Look, Simka, I just came
here to tell you something that,
251
00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:44,040
that's gonna make
you feel a lot better
252
00:12:44,064 --> 00:12:45,429
so you can go to the interview.
253
00:12:47,133 --> 00:12:50,501
I ain't going to no interview!
254
00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:55,839
My barbecue chips!
255
00:12:59,845 --> 00:13:02,291
Oh, come on,
Simka, you got to go.
256
00:13:02,315 --> 00:13:04,875
If you don't go, you're gonna
have to leave the country.
257
00:13:09,556 --> 00:13:14,692
I'm going to have to leave
the country anyway, Reiger.
258
00:13:14,761 --> 00:13:18,029
Because I'm crazy.
259
00:13:18,098 --> 00:13:22,867
I'm a mad woman
that Latka is well rid of.
260
00:13:22,936 --> 00:13:27,938
Dear Lord, help me, I'm wacko!
261
00:13:28,007 --> 00:13:30,107
I'm wacko!
262
00:13:30,176 --> 00:13:32,110
Reiger, I'm wacko.
263
00:13:32,178 --> 00:13:34,479
No, Simka, Simka,
you are not crazy.
264
00:13:34,547 --> 00:13:36,480
You are not wacko.
265
00:13:36,549 --> 00:13:38,849
You have premenstrual syndrome.
266
00:13:42,755 --> 00:13:45,557
Pre-what syndrome?
267
00:13:45,625 --> 00:13:47,325
Menstrual.
268
00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:52,630
You had just better
be talking about
269
00:13:52,699 --> 00:13:56,868
little men in blackface
who play the banjos, buddy.
270
00:13:59,105 --> 00:14:01,405
Because where I come from,
271
00:14:01,474 --> 00:14:03,908
we do not talk
about the other thing
272
00:14:03,977 --> 00:14:05,710
in front of a man.
273
00:14:05,778 --> 00:14:08,212
Oh, come on,
Simka, this is America!
274
00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:10,681
Oh! Oh, it's America.
275
00:14:10,750 --> 00:14:13,584
Oh, forgive me, I lost my head.
276
00:14:13,653 --> 00:14:16,320
I-I got nothing to
be ashamed of here.
277
00:14:16,389 --> 00:14:17,988
No, no, sir.
278
00:14:18,057 --> 00:14:23,127
I want all America to know
that I have a menstrual problem.
279
00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:24,495
Maybe we could just
280
00:14:24,564 --> 00:14:28,632
work it in to the half-time
show at the Super Bowl.
281
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:30,346
No, no, wait, wait.
Where are you going?
282
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:32,837
Oh, I'm just going
up to the roof
283
00:14:32,905 --> 00:14:36,241
to sing a few bars of
"I Enjoy Being a Girl"
284
00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:38,075
and then I'm gonna jump.
285
00:14:38,144 --> 00:14:39,154
No, no, no, Simka, Simka,
286
00:14:39,178 --> 00:14:40,489
Simka, please,
just listen to me,
287
00:14:40,513 --> 00:14:42,558
listen, you're not
crazy, you're not crazy.
288
00:14:42,582 --> 00:14:44,849
You have premenstrual syndrome.
289
00:14:44,918 --> 00:14:47,085
Simka, it's not your fault.
290
00:14:47,153 --> 00:14:48,586
Now a lot of women have it.
291
00:14:48,655 --> 00:14:50,020
It's not completely understood,
292
00:14:50,089 --> 00:14:52,129
but I'm telling you,
it can be treated.
293
00:14:54,727 --> 00:14:56,394
You're not just lying to me
294
00:14:56,463 --> 00:14:58,507
to get me to go to
that interview, are you?
295
00:14:58,531 --> 00:15:00,998
No, no, no, no, I'm
telling you the truth.
296
00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:03,201
Really?
297
00:15:03,269 --> 00:15:04,535
Yes, yes, of course.
298
00:15:04,604 --> 00:15:07,571
Simka, there's nothing
to be ashamed of.
299
00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:10,608
Well then, if there's
nothing to be ashamed of,
300
00:15:10,677 --> 00:15:14,378
how come it hasn't been
the movie of the week?
301
00:15:14,447 --> 00:15:17,147
Well, I'm sure it will be.
302
00:15:17,216 --> 00:15:20,118
They'll probably call
it "The Love Bloat."
303
00:15:26,126 --> 00:15:28,559
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
304
00:15:28,627 --> 00:15:30,528
What if I go to this interview
305
00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:34,899
and then I get there and
I say the wrong thing?
306
00:15:34,968 --> 00:15:36,834
Would you please help me, Alex?
307
00:15:36,903 --> 00:15:38,714
Of course, I'll... Oh!
308
00:15:38,738 --> 00:15:40,983
Don't touch me,
just help me. Right.
309
00:15:41,007 --> 00:15:42,974
I won't touch you,
I won't touch you.
310
00:15:43,043 --> 00:15:44,609
Look, Simka, all
I can say to you
311
00:15:44,677 --> 00:15:47,211
is that if you don't go down
to that Immigration office
312
00:15:47,279 --> 00:15:49,780
right now, they're
going to deport you.
313
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:53,284
And you're gonna
break Latka's heart
314
00:15:53,352 --> 00:15:55,753
and possibly ruin
both of your lives.
315
00:15:55,822 --> 00:15:59,390
Now, look, Simka, now
that I think you know
316
00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:02,827
what causes the problem
and that you're not crazy,
317
00:16:02,895 --> 00:16:05,763
that you'll be able to find
it in yourself to get up now
318
00:16:05,831 --> 00:16:09,000
and go down to that
interview and get through it.
319
00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:11,101
I'm, I'm gonna try.
320
00:16:11,170 --> 00:16:12,336
Good, good.
321
00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:15,406
And, and, and I
think I could do it, too.
322
00:16:15,474 --> 00:16:17,152
I know you can. I think I could
323
00:16:17,176 --> 00:16:21,212
get myself under control
and convince them
324
00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:24,348
that I'm a reasonably
sane and rational person.
325
00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:26,016
Right.
326
00:16:26,085 --> 00:16:29,520
All right, let's go.
327
00:16:32,926 --> 00:16:35,259
Wait, uh, Simka, wait,
328
00:16:35,327 --> 00:16:38,529
uh, what about
what you're wearing?
329
00:16:38,598 --> 00:16:41,565
Of course.
330
00:16:44,503 --> 00:16:46,570
Do you like this?
331
00:16:46,639 --> 00:16:48,750
Now that is exactly
what a rational,
332
00:16:48,774 --> 00:16:50,574
sane person would wear.
333
00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:53,144
Good, I'll change on the bus.
334
00:16:53,212 --> 00:16:56,080
No, no, no, no, Simka,
wait, Simka, wait, wait!
335
00:16:58,918 --> 00:17:00,696
But I think my favorite part
336
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:02,720
of America is the fruited plain.
337
00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:04,600
Of course the purple
mountain majesty
338
00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:06,190
is nothing to shake a stick at.
339
00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:07,870
And you know, when
I hear people say
340
00:17:07,894 --> 00:17:09,226
that they don't like America,
341
00:17:09,295 --> 00:17:11,540
they think it's a troubled
land on its last legs,
342
00:17:11,564 --> 00:17:14,498
I say, "You should be
happy to live in a land
343
00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:16,745
"where you have the
freedom to criticize.
344
00:17:16,769 --> 00:17:18,881
"In my country, you'd
be covered with jelly
345
00:17:18,905 --> 00:17:21,217
and sent to live among the fat."
346
00:17:21,241 --> 00:17:26,377
Mr. Gravas, please,
the question was,
347
00:17:26,446 --> 00:17:29,112
"What was your
wife's maiden name?"
348
00:17:29,181 --> 00:17:32,149
Dahblitz.
349
00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:33,495
But I don't understand
350
00:17:33,519 --> 00:17:35,831
why you're asking me
these, these questions.
351
00:17:35,855 --> 00:17:37,321
"What is my favorite TV show?"
352
00:17:37,390 --> 00:17:39,635
"What do I have for
breakfast this morning?"
353
00:17:39,659 --> 00:17:42,003
Why don't you ask
me why I love America?
354
00:17:42,027 --> 00:17:45,329
I'm asking specific
personal questions
355
00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:48,632
so I can compare your
answers to your wife's
356
00:17:48,701 --> 00:17:51,302
to make sure that
you really live together.
357
00:17:51,371 --> 00:17:53,411
You know, a lot of
people try to fool us
358
00:17:53,439 --> 00:17:55,684
with a paper marriage so
they can stay in the country.
359
00:17:55,708 --> 00:17:58,509
Frankly, Mr. Gravas,
360
00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:00,744
since your wife hasn't
been showing up,
361
00:18:00,813 --> 00:18:02,853
I've become a little
suspicious of you.
362
00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:04,415
You think you can tell a lot
363
00:18:04,484 --> 00:18:09,053
from asking me these
stupid questions?
364
00:18:09,121 --> 00:18:10,955
It isn't just the questions.
365
00:18:11,024 --> 00:18:13,124
I also look to see
how people react.
366
00:18:13,193 --> 00:18:15,159
That's the real giveaway.
367
00:18:15,228 --> 00:18:17,962
If people are very
nervous and fidgety, well,
368
00:18:18,030 --> 00:18:20,109
I know they're trying
to put one over on us.
369
00:18:20,133 --> 00:18:22,799
Yeah, well let me tell you
something about my wife.
370
00:18:22,868 --> 00:18:25,302
She's naturally
nervous and fidgety.
371
00:18:25,371 --> 00:18:27,616
And matter of fact, one of
the reasons I married her
372
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:29,874
is because she's
nervous and fidgety.
373
00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:31,342
Wait until you see.
374
00:18:31,411 --> 00:18:33,177
It's a real turn-on.
375
00:18:33,246 --> 00:18:38,349
She's one... She's
one hot, fidgety mama.
376
00:18:38,417 --> 00:18:41,919
Yeah, well, if she doesn't
get here in about a minute,
377
00:18:41,987 --> 00:18:44,288
I'm afraid I'm going
to have to miss that.
378
00:18:44,357 --> 00:18:47,290
Now, Mr. Gravas,
the final question is,
379
00:18:47,359 --> 00:18:51,228
"What was the last movie you
and your wife saw together?"
380
00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:55,199
Um, oh, it was Officer
and a Gentleman.
381
00:18:55,268 --> 00:18:56,700
I remember because I thought
382
00:18:56,769 --> 00:18:58,736
it was going to be
a double feature.
383
00:19:03,009 --> 00:19:04,708
Well, that was the last question
384
00:19:04,777 --> 00:19:06,376
and she's still not here.
385
00:19:06,445 --> 00:19:08,624
I'm afraid I'm going to have
to terminate her application.
386
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:09,824
No! No! I'm sorry.
387
00:19:09,848 --> 00:19:11,459
No, please, no, no,
but you don't understand
388
00:19:11,483 --> 00:19:14,062
what America means to people
like us. I have to get home for dinner.
389
00:19:14,086 --> 00:19:15,864
I love my wife. If
you send her back,
390
00:19:15,888 --> 00:19:18,400
Yes. I have to go too and
our children won't be able to,
391
00:19:18,424 --> 00:19:20,602
I understand that. to grow
up in such a beautiful country.
392
00:19:20,626 --> 00:19:22,859
Please, understand that.
393
00:19:22,928 --> 00:19:24,862
I take it this is Mrs. Gravas?
394
00:19:24,930 --> 00:19:27,298
Yes.
395
00:19:28,734 --> 00:19:31,235
Hello, everybody.
396
00:19:31,304 --> 00:19:32,881
Simka, I have to talk to you.
397
00:19:32,905 --> 00:19:35,317
I have some good news
about your crimpka poosh.
398
00:19:35,341 --> 00:19:37,108
Not now, dear.
399
00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:39,676
Um, hello.
400
00:19:39,745 --> 00:19:41,979
I'm so sorry I'm late.
401
00:19:42,048 --> 00:19:44,348
And I hope I haven't
inconvenienced you,
402
00:19:44,417 --> 00:19:46,183
Mr. Officer of the Land.
403
00:19:46,252 --> 00:19:47,484
Sit down, will you?
404
00:19:47,553 --> 00:19:49,086
Thank you.
405
00:19:49,155 --> 00:19:51,656
Good.
406
00:19:51,724 --> 00:19:53,691
Now, Mrs. Gravas,
407
00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:55,326
I'm going to ask
a few questions.
408
00:19:55,394 --> 00:19:56,827
Right.
409
00:19:56,896 --> 00:20:01,132
What was the last movie you
and your husband saw together?
410
00:20:03,936 --> 00:20:08,839
With all due respect, do you
mind if I ask you a question?
411
00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:09,908
Sure.
412
00:20:09,976 --> 00:20:11,575
What has that got to do
413
00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:14,345
with the price of tea in China?
414
00:20:14,414 --> 00:20:18,582
I'm going to compare your
answer to your husband's.
415
00:20:18,651 --> 00:20:22,152
Now, what was the last
movie you two saw together?
416
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:25,755
Okay, let me think.
417
00:20:25,824 --> 00:20:29,426
Movie.
418
00:20:29,495 --> 00:20:34,064
Movie, movie,
movie, movie, movie...
419
00:20:35,801 --> 00:20:38,202
Why am I thinking about movies?
420
00:20:38,271 --> 00:20:40,971
Because I asked you
what the last movie
421
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:42,873
you two saw together was.
422
00:20:42,942 --> 00:20:44,675
Oh! Of course!
423
00:20:44,743 --> 00:20:46,176
Of course, wait a minute.
424
00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:47,612
Um...
425
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:51,382
Ooh, it's just right on
the top of my tongue.
426
00:20:51,451 --> 00:20:54,184
Oh, let me think, what was it?
427
00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:56,331
What was it? What
was it? What was it?
428
00:20:56,355 --> 00:21:00,224
See, I told you.
It's a real turn-on.
429
00:21:00,293 --> 00:21:02,092
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
430
00:21:02,161 --> 00:21:05,796
I, I, I got it!
431
00:21:05,865 --> 00:21:09,967
What was the last movie
432
00:21:10,036 --> 00:21:14,404
that Latka and I saw together?
433
00:21:14,473 --> 00:21:17,241
That's the question.
434
00:21:17,310 --> 00:21:18,742
What's the answer?
435
00:21:18,811 --> 00:21:21,478
Oh, of course.
436
00:21:21,547 --> 00:21:22,880
Of course.
437
00:21:22,949 --> 00:21:24,693
No, wait a minute,
no, no, don't worry,
438
00:21:24,717 --> 00:21:26,217
uh, I can think of it.
439
00:21:26,285 --> 00:21:27,651
I can think of it, don't worry.
440
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:30,687
Don't worry.
441
00:21:30,756 --> 00:21:33,891
I got it!
442
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:35,237
I got it.
443
00:21:35,261 --> 00:21:38,462
It was Ghandi.
444
00:21:40,099 --> 00:21:43,100
Oh, she's right.
445
00:21:43,169 --> 00:21:44,869
I'm sorry, I forgot.
446
00:21:44,937 --> 00:21:46,303
I forgot.
447
00:21:46,372 --> 00:21:48,839
I said it was Officer
and a Gentleman.
448
00:21:48,908 --> 00:21:50,307
But, but don't worry, Simka.
449
00:21:50,376 --> 00:21:52,454
There are still a few
more questions. No!
450
00:21:52,478 --> 00:21:54,178
Excuse me.
451
00:21:58,318 --> 00:22:01,418
What do you mean there
are still a few more questions?
452
00:22:01,487 --> 00:22:03,087
We already got one wrong
453
00:22:03,155 --> 00:22:05,715
because you can't
tell the difference
454
00:22:05,758 --> 00:22:09,093
between Richard
Gere and a bald Hindu.
455
00:22:12,431 --> 00:22:14,899
Now, now, Simka, be calm.
456
00:22:14,967 --> 00:22:16,534
What do you mean, be calm?
457
00:22:16,602 --> 00:22:18,447
You wouldn't be
so calm if it was you
458
00:22:18,471 --> 00:22:19,770
who was gonna get deported.
459
00:22:19,838 --> 00:22:21,349
Well, if you would
answer the questions,
460
00:22:21,373 --> 00:22:22,606
you won't be deported.
461
00:22:22,674 --> 00:22:24,941
Well, what's the use of
answering the questions
462
00:22:25,010 --> 00:22:26,810
if you got them all wrong?
463
00:22:26,879 --> 00:22:28,123
Now, listen here you...
464
00:22:33,586 --> 00:22:35,352
Uh, excuse me?
465
00:22:35,421 --> 00:22:36,787
Excuse me!
466
00:22:39,992 --> 00:22:43,293
I don't think there's any point
in going on with this interview.
467
00:22:45,397 --> 00:22:47,631
Oh, no!
468
00:22:47,700 --> 00:22:49,967
Latka, what have I done?
469
00:22:50,036 --> 00:22:52,303
Your green card will
be in the mail shortly.
470
00:22:52,371 --> 00:22:55,339
Yes, I'm thoroughly
convinced that you two
471
00:22:55,407 --> 00:22:58,308
are legitimately
husband and wife.
472
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:02,779
Latka! Simka!
473
00:23:02,848 --> 00:23:04,025
We did it! Oh!
474
00:23:04,049 --> 00:23:06,683
Uh, you can leave now.
475
00:23:06,752 --> 00:23:09,019
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
476
00:23:09,087 --> 00:23:10,265
Uh, wait a minute.
477
00:23:10,289 --> 00:23:12,300
Aren't you gonna give
us that speech about
478
00:23:12,324 --> 00:23:13,824
"Welcome to America"?
479
00:23:13,893 --> 00:23:14,824
We don't do that.
480
00:23:14,893 --> 00:23:21,498
Oh... Welcome to
America, Mrs. Gravas.
481
00:23:21,567 --> 00:23:24,267
Thank you!
482
00:23:24,336 --> 00:23:26,503
I passed!
483
00:24:00,206 --> 00:24:01,716
Good night, Mr. Walters!
31816
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