All language subtitles for Keeping up appearances (BBC) S5EP09 A craftswoman scorned

It's absolutely
scandalous.

My freestyle floral decoration
for a table centerpiece

deserved a first prize.
Everybody said so.

Well, you got
a second.

And to give first prize
to Lydia hawksworth!

Of all people!

Better luck next time. It was
just one of those things, hyacinth.

One of those things that
didn't deserve a first prize.

It's not
that I mind losing,

it's just that I hate
the thought of first prize

being given to somebody
who'll make such a meal of it.

We'll never hear
the last of it.

If they'd given it to me,
my natural modesty

would insure
a minimum of fuss,

but to give it
to Lydia hawksworth!

You saw it, you were
there. What did you think?

Come along, Richard.
Be honest.

I hated it.

I'm glad we're
of the same opinion.

I know when to hate
something or not.

The woman has no taste.
And as for the judges!

Where did they find
these judges?

Must be the same idiots that keep
letting people off serious crime.

Lydia hawksworth!

She was quite objectionable at
one of my candlelight suppers.

I can't remember.

You should remember.
You were there.

She had the impudence
to say in a loud voice:

"I think kiwi fruit are so
lower middle class, don't you?"

Oh, that one!
- Yes, that one.

And all she could talk
about the whole evening,

was their holiday
in corfu.

I remember now,
and in self-defense,

you gave her the impression
that we'd been to South Africa.

We've been abroad.

We've been to Jersey.

I will not have that woman
putting my nose out of joint.

Look, there she is now,
driving like a lunatic!

In a new car.
Was it a new car?

According to the registration, it is.

Tsk-
typical!

Was that
the front door?

Probably.

It sounded like
somebody going out.

Probably.

It can't have been
our Rose,

our Rose would have said
if she was going out.

You don't think it's father
going out at this hour?

Probably.

An old man shouldn't be
wandering out at this hour.

You're just
gonna sit there?

Probably.

Daisy: Now, come on back in, daddy.

Come on!

Up you go,
back up to bed.

I'll bring you
some cocoa.

We'll go out
tomorrow.

He wanted to go out somewhere.

I told him we'd take him tomorrow.

And if you say "probably" once more,
I'll hit you with my library book.

Can you make that
two cocoas?

Probably.

I've been
so humiliated.

When?
- Today.

Second prize for my-

freestyle floral
table centerpiece,

beaten
by Lydia hawksworth!

And then to be overtaken
by her in her new car!

Hyacinth,

we don't need
a new car.

The one we have
runs very well,

not that many miles
on the clock.

It's just decently
run in, really.

Richard, what are you talking about, dear?

Who said anything about
a new car? Goodness me!

I must say, Richard.

You keep that vehicle
immaculate.

Louder, please, Liz.
- Looks like a new car.

I wish you'd keep repeating
that, again and again.

Why is that,
Richard?

I rather suspect

hyacinth has fixed her sights
on something new.

Oh, dear.

Still, she can't deny how
smart that one still looks.

Thank you.

Richard, why are you
polishing this old thing?

Good morning,
Elizabeth.

Good morning, hy-

oh dear.

You better get a move on.
Father's ready.

Ready for what?

For going out. You said last
night, you'd take him out.

We didn't mean
at the crack of dawn.

Oh, come on. It's time
you were up, anyway.

And he's sitting there
in his best suit.

And why's onslow reading
"the financial times"?

I like to keep
an eye on the economy.

A bloke in my position has to wonder
how long the country can afford him.

If we don't get
the economy right,

people like me
are gonna be in trouble.

It's the duty of all of us to be
concerned about the shrinking pound.

And when
I married him,

I thought he was
just a sex symbol.

Turn right
here, dear.

For someone who doesn't
know where we're going,

you seem to know
just where we're going.

You're going to have to
iron this shirt, daise.

Can't you find another?

I can, but you're gonna
have to wash and iron that one.

No contest. But you'll have to
wait till I've ironed this blouse.

Oh good,
you got the iron out.

Could you iron
my frock, please, daise?

I gotta do
his shirt first.

We're only taking
father out,

what does he want
his shirt ironed for?

Because it was on the
floor in the wardrobe.

So was I
last Christmas.

Guess it was
that Mr. Blenkinsopp.

I've never known anybody get
so wound up on British Sherry.

Where does father
wants to go, anyway?

I don't know, he hasn't said.
- Go and ask him.

We ought to know what
we're all being ironed for.

How long did she have her Mr.
blenkinsopp in the wardrobe?

I don't know.

I don't go prying into what
she's got in her wardrobe.

You would
if her stuff fitted you.

I know, she's got
some lovely things.

Well, where does he want to go?

Africa!

We're only going out
for a couple of hours.

I told him that
but he still wants Africa.

Well, when we get there, tell him it's
Africa. He won't know the difference.

Hyacinth...

What are we
doing here?

I asked you to pull in
for a moment,

because I felt faint.

Now that we are here,
looking at these prices,

I feel faint.

Please don't worry
about me, dear.

I'm starting to feel better already.

A few minutes out of
the car and I'll be fine.

I thought there was
something

behind this sudden urge
to go for a drive.

I don't know
what you mean.

You knew where we were going all the time.

Nonsense.
I merely thought we...

Might as well pop in and have
a look while we were passing.

And you made sure
we were passing.

It looks a very
respectable garage.

It looks a very
expensive garage.

Hyacinth!

I don't want you
to get carried away.

Look at that beautiful
machine.

See what I mean?

Hyacinth, if we're
thinking about a new car,

we should be looking at small,
economical family saloons.

Preferably with one
previous owner.

You're quite wrong,
Richard.

What this family needs
is something bigger.

How much bigger?

Well...

Bigger than
Lydia hawksworth's.

Where's your father
got to now?

He's coming.
He's coming.

I thought you said
he was ready, our Rose.

He was ready.
He was ready before you got up.

Where is he, then?

Don't be
so impetuous.

Well... not till
later, anyway.

I'll go
and get him.

No wonder this shirt
was on the floor.

The only place it fits
is on the floor.

Where is he?
- He's coming, he's coming.

"Tell him it's Africa.
He won't know the difference."

I think he looks
very smart for his age.

Just as long as he's
careful with that hat.

It was once full
of... lonely Australia.

Hyacinth, would you
come away from that car?

It's not in our league.

Oh, Richard!

You should feel
the paintwork.

Hyacinth,
we're going.

I'm only looking.
- Well, I don't like it.

How could you
not like it?

I don't mean the car.
I mean the looking.

Oh, smell
that upholstery!

Hyacinth, will you come away from
there before somebody sees us?

I'm doing no harm. I'm
just admiring the quality.

I hope when somebody comes
that you'll tell them that.

I will... I'll tell them
just that.

I mean it.
The minute somebody comes,

tell them we're not seriously
interested, you're admiring the quality.

I will, dear.
I will, I will, I will.

Because we're not
seriously interested.

Of course we're not
seriously interested.

How could we possibly
be seriously interested?

Exactly, so you
just tell them that.

I'm not a fool,
Richard.

Good morning, madam.

Are you interested
in this beautiful machine?

Yes I am,
actually.

Onslow: Will you keep your
father still in the back?

What's he
jumping about for?

Rose: He's excited.
- What's to get excited about?

Of course,
he's excited,

it's the first time
he's been to Africa.

Not that Rolls-Royce's owners
spend much time under the bonnet,

but you must admit,
it's worth a look.

Oh, Richard.
Look at it properly, dear.

I am looking at it properly
- as properly as I dare.

It's a beautiful
interior.

Oh, and a little light
above the vanity mirror.

Have you any particular
questions about this model?

No, thank you.

I think that I've seen
all I need to see.

Of course, the ultimate rolls
experience is in the driving,

you have to sample the sheer
sumptuousness of the ride.

Oh, I think my husband
would like to experience

the sheer sumptuousness of the ride.

Right. I'll get the keys,
and we'll take her for a drive.

N-No.
- Yes! That would be ideal.

Right, I'll have the car
moved outside.

Tell him
he hasn't seen one.

Tell him
he can't have seen one.

Oh, let him think he's
seen one if he wants.

He wants to get out
for a closer look.

Go with him, onslow.
Take him for a closer look.

At what?
There's nothing there.

Father said there was.
He saw it distinctly.

Mind how you go.

When we get home,
if you tell anybody

that I was in the woods with your
father-looking for an elephant-

oh, come on,
humor him!

I'm coming, I'm coming!

Oh, Richard! I'm so looking
forward to our sumptuous ride.

Do you realize
that if I scratch it...

Why should you
scratch it, dear?

I will not allow you
to scratch it.

What if something happens
and it gets scratched,

and it needs a respray? We'll
have to re-mortgage the house.

Oh, Richard!

You will not scratch
our Rolls-Royce.

I didn't hear that.
I didn't hear that properly.

You didn't call this car
"our" Rolls-Royce?

Well, for a while
this morning, it is.

Oh, come on!

Thank you.
Shall we go?

Telephone, Mr. Hunt.

Oh, thank you.

I'm sorry, this may be an
important call that I'm expecting.

I won't be a moment, then
we can take her for a drive.

Yes.

In the meantime, sit down
and get the feel of her.

Come on, Richard.
You heard what he said.

Get in, dear.

Oh, what a lovely
seat belt.

Feel the quality
of that, Richard.

Very nice.

Come on dear,
put yours on.

We're not going
anywhere.

We will be
when he comes back.

Whilst we're waiting,
start the engine.

I want to be able
not to hear the engine.

Just drive
a little way forward.

Do you think
we should?

He said to "get
the feel of her."

I'm not used
to this gearbox.

Oh, Richard!

No wonder you never finish
the times' crossword.

See? That wasn't
difficult, was it?

This time,
try going forward.

Just a little faster,
Richard.

Well, you may as well
keep going now.

We're supposed
to wait for him.

I was getting tired
of waiting for him.

Drive on, Richard!

No, I'm going
to reverse.

I don't think you can.
It's a one-way street.

You'll have to go
round the block.

Mind the pedestrian!

You shouldn't knock them down, Richard.

Even in a rolls.

Richard, surely it goes quicker than this.

Not with me driving,
it doesn't.

We're being overtaken
by everything.

What does it matter if we're being
passed by a few other vehicles?

Where's
the next left?

It's coming up.

Oh dear.
It's a no-entry.

Just keep going
for the moment.

We may find ourselves somewhere
with rather less traffic.

Hyacinth: There's no traffic
here. Now you can let her rip!

Richard, I don't
call this a rip, dear.

It's not even
half a rip.

Just enjoy
the scenery.

Take the first right,
dear.

But where
are we going?

Nowhere
in particular.

And then,
the second left.

Pull into
the hotel.

We've got to get this
car back to the showroom.

I'm sure we've time
for a coffee, Richard.

But they could think
we've stolen it.

Nonsense.

You can't buy a
Rolls-Royce in five minutes.

We're not buying
a Rolls-Royce!

But they don't know
that, dear. Keep going.

Park it somewhere where they
can see us from the windows.