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1
00:00:07,590 --> 00:00:09,090
(screams)
2
00:00:09,090 --> 00:00:10,590
Oh!
(woman screams on TV)
3
00:00:10,590 --> 00:00:12,600
Oh, God,
is he dead yet?!
4
00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:14,100
Of course.
5
00:00:14,100 --> 00:00:16,600
The psycho's got a pickax
through his head.
6
00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:18,100
(both screaming)
7
00:00:18,100 --> 00:00:20,100
Okay, now he's dead.
8
00:00:20,100 --> 00:00:21,100
Oh, God.
9
00:00:21,100 --> 00:00:23,610
Okay, I got to go.
10
00:00:23,610 --> 00:00:25,110
Hey, are you going to be
okay here alone tonight?
11
00:00:25,110 --> 00:00:26,610
Oh, yeah.
12
00:00:26,610 --> 00:00:28,110
Joe will be back
first thing in the morning
13
00:00:28,110 --> 00:00:29,610
from his charter in Vermont.
14
00:00:29,610 --> 00:00:30,610
Okay.
15
00:00:30,610 --> 00:00:32,120
But if a homicidal maniac
16
00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:34,620
with a gushing head wound
comes to the door,
17
00:00:34,620 --> 00:00:35,620
don't answer it.
18
00:00:35,620 --> 00:00:38,620
Hey, I learned my lesson
from that cheerleader.
19
00:00:48,630 --> 00:00:50,130
(door latch clicking)
20
00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:55,140
(keys jingling, table rattles)
21
00:01:05,650 --> 00:01:07,150
Take that!
(grunts)
22
00:01:09,150 --> 00:01:10,650
Oh! Oh, God!
23
00:01:10,650 --> 00:01:13,660
Joe, I... I didn't expect
you back till tomorrow.
24
00:01:13,660 --> 00:01:15,160
What are you doing here?
25
00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:17,160
Bleeding.
26
00:01:22,670 --> 00:01:24,170
Hey, roomie.
27
00:01:24,170 --> 00:01:26,170
I brought you the
mail from home.
28
00:01:26,170 --> 00:01:28,170
Oh, hey, by
the way, uh...
29
00:01:28,170 --> 00:01:30,670
do you know anyone
named Kyle Vane?
30
00:01:30,670 --> 00:01:32,180
Uh... no. Why?
31
00:01:32,180 --> 00:01:34,180
This letter came to
the house for him.
32
00:01:34,180 --> 00:01:35,680
There's no return address.
33
00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:38,180
It's probably
a previous tenant.
34
00:01:38,180 --> 00:01:39,680
Cool name, though, huh?
35
00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:41,180
Kyle Vane.
36
00:01:41,180 --> 00:01:44,690
Hello! My name is Kyle Vane!
37
00:01:46,190 --> 00:01:49,190
Yeah. Care to riff
on the gas bill?
38
00:01:49,190 --> 00:01:51,190
(Roy chuckles)
39
00:01:51,190 --> 00:01:52,700
Wow.
40
00:01:52,700 --> 00:01:55,200
Who's that idiot behind
those Foster Grants?
41
00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:59,200
What's with the glasses?
42
00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:01,710
(Roy and Fay gasp)
43
00:02:01,700 --> 00:02:04,710
(whistles)
Oh, wow,
you've got a black eye.
44
00:02:04,710 --> 00:02:05,710
Really, Fay?
45
00:02:05,710 --> 00:02:07,210
Gee, I hadn't noticed.
46
00:02:07,210 --> 00:02:09,710
Well, maybe if you
dropped the attitude,
47
00:02:09,710 --> 00:02:12,720
people wouldn't want
to punch your lights out.
48
00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:17,220
Boy, if Joe looks like this,
49
00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:19,720
I don't want to know
what the other guy looks like.
50
00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:21,720
Oh, baby,
I feel so bad
51
00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:23,730
about clocking
you last night.
52
00:02:25,230 --> 00:02:26,730
How is your eye?
53
00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:28,230
(Roy laughs)
54
00:02:28,230 --> 00:02:29,230
I get it.
55
00:02:29,230 --> 00:02:32,740
Trying to spice things
up in the bedroom, huh?
56
00:02:33,740 --> 00:02:35,740
Little tip-- next
time, don't be a hero.
57
00:02:35,740 --> 00:02:37,740
Wear the head gear.
58
00:02:37,740 --> 00:02:39,240
Hey, I was caught off guard.
59
00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:40,740
It was a lucky punch.
60
00:02:40,740 --> 00:02:42,250
Whoa-ho.
61
00:02:42,250 --> 00:02:43,750
Hey, relax,
Hackett, relax.
62
00:02:43,750 --> 00:02:47,250
So, you're a man who
likes a good whupping.
63
00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:50,250
That's nothing
to be ashamed of.
64
00:02:50,250 --> 00:02:52,760
Look, Helen, all this
makes me think that...
65
00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:55,260
you-you get a little jumpy
when I'm not around.
66
00:02:55,260 --> 00:02:57,260
I think we need
a burglar alarm.
67
00:02:57,260 --> 00:02:59,760
I don't know, Joe,
I feel pretty good knowing
that I can defend myself.
68
00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:01,260
I mean, I dropped you, didn't I?
69
00:03:01,260 --> 00:03:02,270
Would you stop saying that?
70
00:03:02,770 --> 00:03:05,270
All right, I'm sorry.
I guess we do need an alarm.
71
00:03:05,270 --> 00:03:07,270
Yeah, we really do,
and you know what?
They're not that expensive.
72
00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:08,270
Okay, let's get one.
73
00:03:08,270 --> 00:03:09,770
There's one
little problem.
74
00:03:09,770 --> 00:03:11,770
They really stick it to
you on the installation.
75
00:03:11,770 --> 00:03:13,280
It costs 1,000 bucks.
76
00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:14,280
Don't... Don't pay that.
77
00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:15,280
I'll do it.
78
00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:17,280
Uh... Antonio,
no offense,
79
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,280
but I think
they charge you so much
80
00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:21,280
because it takes
a trained professional.
81
00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:23,290
I'll do it for 75 bucks.
82
00:03:23,290 --> 00:03:24,290
You're hired.
83
00:03:25,790 --> 00:03:28,290
Thanks for
lunch, Casey.
84
00:03:28,290 --> 00:03:30,290
It was a great idea
going to Boston.
85
00:03:30,290 --> 00:03:31,800
Oh, it was my pleasure.
86
00:03:31,790 --> 00:03:34,300
But, um, maybe we shouldn't
mention this at the store.
87
00:03:34,300 --> 00:03:35,300
You know,
'cause you're my boss.
88
00:03:35,300 --> 00:03:36,800
I don't want
people to think
89
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:39,300
I'm sucking up to you
for a promotion.
I understand.
90
00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:40,800
Oh, by the way,
I bought you a cookie.
91
00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:42,810
Thanks.
92
00:03:42,810 --> 00:03:43,810
Yeah.
93
00:03:43,810 --> 00:03:45,310
I love your
new haircut.
94
00:03:45,310 --> 00:03:46,810
And your shoes, too.
95
00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:49,310
Nice.
96
00:03:49,310 --> 00:03:50,810
Hey, Casey,
who's your friend?
97
00:03:50,810 --> 00:03:51,810
Beth?
98
00:03:51,810 --> 00:03:53,320
Oh, no.
99
00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:54,820
You are not going
to get near her.
100
00:03:54,820 --> 00:03:55,820
She's not just my friend.
101
00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:58,320
She's my supervisor
at the department store.
102
00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:00,320
So?
103
00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:02,330
So, I'm working on
getting a promotion.
104
00:04:02,330 --> 00:04:04,830
I don't want to be
a perfume spritzer
105
00:04:04,830 --> 00:04:06,330
the rest of my life.
106
00:04:06,330 --> 00:04:08,830
There's an opening
in men's underwear.
107
00:04:08,830 --> 00:04:12,340
You're just finding
that out now?
108
00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:20,340
Listen, you are bad news.
109
00:04:20,340 --> 00:04:21,850
If I introduce you
and you screw this up,
110
00:04:21,840 --> 00:04:24,350
I'm the one who's going
to take the heat.
111
00:04:24,350 --> 00:04:26,850
All right, but on the other
hand, if Beth and I hit it off,
112
00:04:26,850 --> 00:04:27,850
then you're the one
who gets the credit.
113
00:04:27,850 --> 00:04:29,850
Then, pretty soon,
it'll be you saying,
114
00:04:29,850 --> 00:04:33,860
"Yes, sir, that's
a reinforced crotch."
115
00:04:33,860 --> 00:04:34,860
You're on.
116
00:04:37,860 --> 00:04:41,860
CASEY:
So, how did your date
with Beth go?
117
00:04:41,860 --> 00:04:43,370
Well, it was great.
118
00:04:43,370 --> 00:04:45,370
Uh, I haven't met a woman
I like this much
119
00:04:45,370 --> 00:04:46,370
in a long time.
120
00:04:46,370 --> 00:04:49,370
I think I could...
really get serious about her.
121
00:04:49,370 --> 00:04:51,370
All right.
122
00:04:51,370 --> 00:04:52,880
I am on my way!
123
00:04:53,380 --> 00:04:56,380
Oh, yeah, we got another
one of those letters.
124
00:04:56,380 --> 00:05:01,380
Oh, you mean
for Kyle Vane?
125
00:05:01,380 --> 00:05:03,390
Yeah. We get one
of those every day.
126
00:05:03,390 --> 00:05:06,390
So, we got to figure out
what to do with them.
127
00:05:06,390 --> 00:05:09,890
Well, I guess I'll drop it
on the old Kyle pile.
128
00:05:23,910 --> 00:05:25,410
WOMAN:
Dear Kyle,
129
00:05:25,410 --> 00:05:27,910
last night, I had another dream
about you.
130
00:05:27,910 --> 00:05:31,410
I was standing on a sand dune,
gazing out toward the sea
131
00:05:31,410 --> 00:05:33,420
looking for something.
132
00:05:33,420 --> 00:05:34,420
I didn't know what.
133
00:05:34,420 --> 00:05:35,920
Then I saw you.
134
00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:38,420
The sunlight
danced off your hair,
135
00:05:38,420 --> 00:05:40,920
the blue of your eyes
matched the water
136
00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:43,930
and I knew
what I was looking for-- you.
137
00:05:43,930 --> 00:05:45,930
I can't wait to hear from you.
138
00:05:45,930 --> 00:05:47,930
Love, R.
139
00:05:49,430 --> 00:05:51,430
Whoa.
140
00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:54,440
I can't stop thinking about
141
00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:56,940
the time we climbed to the top
of the old lighthouse
142
00:05:56,940 --> 00:05:59,940
and yelled out to the world
that we loved each other.
143
00:05:59,940 --> 00:06:02,450
Does that still mean
anything to you?
144
00:06:02,450 --> 00:06:03,950
Please answer my letters.
145
00:06:03,950 --> 00:06:05,450
Love, R.
146
00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:17,460
I ran to the mailbox today,
breathless with excitement
147
00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:18,960
but again, it was empty.
148
00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:20,960
Did you ever love me?
149
00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:23,970
If I don't hear from you soon,
I'll know your answer
150
00:06:23,970 --> 00:06:25,970
and then, I'll close
my heart forever
151
00:06:25,970 --> 00:06:27,470
because the love I have for you
152
00:06:27,970 --> 00:06:30,970
is the kind
a woman only feels once. R.
153
00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:33,980
(choked up):
Wow.
154
00:06:33,980 --> 00:06:36,980
(footfalls approaching)
155
00:06:40,980 --> 00:06:42,990
Hey. What are
you doing up?
156
00:06:42,990 --> 00:06:44,490
Uh, you know,
I just couldn't sleep.
157
00:06:44,990 --> 00:06:46,490
Oh. Yeah. Me, too.
158
00:06:46,490 --> 00:06:47,990
I'm going to make some tea.
159
00:06:47,990 --> 00:06:50,990
You know, Brian,
promotion aside,
160
00:06:50,990 --> 00:06:52,500
I'm really glad
that things are working out
161
00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:54,000
for you and Beth.
162
00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:56,500
Who?
163
00:07:05,510 --> 00:07:08,010
So, what do you
think so far?
164
00:07:08,010 --> 00:07:10,510
HELEN (gasps):
Oh, my God!
165
00:07:10,510 --> 00:07:12,520
Wires, Joe.
166
00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:14,520
There's lots
of wires, Joe.
167
00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:16,020
Helen, please, please.
168
00:07:16,020 --> 00:07:20,020
Uh, I'm sure that Antonio
isn't finished yet... right?
169
00:07:20,020 --> 00:07:21,020
Of course not!
170
00:07:21,020 --> 00:07:23,030
I'm a professional.
171
00:07:29,030 --> 00:07:32,030
There! Perfect!
172
00:07:32,030 --> 00:07:34,040
(alarm goes off)
173
00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:35,540
What the hell is that?
174
00:07:35,540 --> 00:07:36,540
Pretty great, huh?
175
00:07:36,540 --> 00:07:38,540
See, I've given you
a real custom job.
176
00:07:38,540 --> 00:07:40,540
The entire room
is filled
177
00:07:40,540 --> 00:07:43,050
with infrared sensors,
motion detectors.
178
00:07:43,050 --> 00:07:46,050
A burglar hits
one of those hot spots and...
179
00:07:46,050 --> 00:07:48,050
(imitating alarm)
180
00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:49,550
Buddy, could you...
turn it off?
181
00:07:49,550 --> 00:07:50,550
No problem.
182
00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:55,060
Okay.
183
00:07:55,060 --> 00:07:57,060
System's off.
184
00:07:58,060 --> 00:07:59,060
Um...
185
00:07:59,060 --> 00:08:00,560
so are the lights.
186
00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:03,570
Well, at least, you
don't see the wires.
187
00:08:05,570 --> 00:08:07,570
You see, I've wired the alarm
188
00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:11,570
through your
central electrical system.
189
00:08:11,570 --> 00:08:16,080
The system is now armed.
190
00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:18,580
Antonio, could you
excuse us for a second?
191
00:08:18,580 --> 00:08:20,080
Uh-uh-uh-uh-
192
00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:21,080
uh-uh-uh!
193
00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:22,590
Sensors.
194
00:08:22,590 --> 00:08:24,590
To avoid them,
195
00:08:24,590 --> 00:08:26,090
you just...
196
00:08:26,090 --> 00:08:29,590
step... step...
197
00:08:29,590 --> 00:08:30,590
duck!
198
00:08:30,590 --> 00:08:32,100
Step! Step!
Step! Step!
199
00:08:32,090 --> 00:08:33,600
Jump!
200
00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:38,100
Easy, huh?
201
00:08:44,110 --> 00:08:45,610
I contacted all
the former tenants
202
00:08:45,610 --> 00:08:47,110
who lived in your house.
203
00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:49,110
And there's not a
Kyle Vane among them.
204
00:08:49,110 --> 00:08:51,110
This is so frustrating.
205
00:08:51,110 --> 00:08:53,120
Here's this incredible
woman-- R--
206
00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:54,620
who's obviously
in love with this guy
207
00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:57,620
who doesn't have the decency
to write her back.
208
00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,620
Well, I think if Kyle
really cared about this R,
209
00:08:59,620 --> 00:09:00,620
he would've found a way
210
00:09:00,620 --> 00:09:02,630
to get in touch
with her by now.
211
00:09:02,630 --> 00:09:04,130
Well, this Kyle is an idiot
212
00:09:04,130 --> 00:09:06,630
and R is-is a...
fascinating woman.
213
00:09:06,630 --> 00:09:08,130
She's sensitive,
she's poetic.
214
00:09:08,630 --> 00:09:10,130
She even likes
my favorite book.
215
00:09:10,130 --> 00:09:12,130
The Catcher in the Rye.
216
00:09:12,130 --> 00:09:14,140
Brian, it sounds to me
217
00:09:14,140 --> 00:09:16,640
like you're starting
to fall for this R.
218
00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:18,140
Oh, please!
219
00:09:18,140 --> 00:09:21,640
That's-That's-That's
crazy, Fay.
220
00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:22,650
That's insane.
221
00:09:22,650 --> 00:09:25,150
I-I-I never even
met this person.
222
00:09:25,150 --> 00:09:28,650
Sure, I can't stop
thinking about her, and...
223
00:09:30,650 --> 00:09:31,650
...with every word she writes,
224
00:09:32,150 --> 00:09:34,660
it's like she's looking
right into my soul.
225
00:09:34,660 --> 00:09:36,160
But fallen for her?
226
00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:38,160
Forget about it.
227
00:09:38,660 --> 00:09:40,660
Well, I think
it's very romantic, anyway.
228
00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:44,670
In fact, it kind of reminds me
of my last husband George,
229
00:09:44,670 --> 00:09:47,170
who used to write
letters to me.
230
00:09:47,170 --> 00:09:49,170
Of course, I know
where to find him.
231
00:09:49,170 --> 00:09:51,670
He's in a cookie jar
in my rumpus room.
232
00:09:57,180 --> 00:09:59,680
Now, remember, I don't
want to make you nervous,
233
00:09:59,680 --> 00:10:01,680
but my entire future
at the department store
234
00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:03,690
rests on your shoulders,
235
00:10:03,690 --> 00:10:05,690
so tonight, okay,
whatever you do,
236
00:10:05,690 --> 00:10:06,690
be charming,
237
00:10:06,690 --> 00:10:08,190
have a good time
238
00:10:08,190 --> 00:10:09,690
and at the end
of the evening
239
00:10:09,690 --> 00:10:12,700
when you say good night,
lean in close and whisper,
240
00:10:12,700 --> 00:10:15,200
"Casey belongs
in men's underwear."
241
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:17,700
(doorbell rings)
242
00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:18,700
Oh! She's here!
243
00:10:18,700 --> 00:10:19,700
Okay. Shh!
244
00:10:19,700 --> 00:10:21,700
Okay, but remember...
245
00:10:21,700 --> 00:10:24,210
Yeah...
"Boxers and briefs,
boxers and briefs."
246
00:10:24,210 --> 00:10:25,210
Just...
Okay.
247
00:10:25,210 --> 00:10:26,210
Enough. Okay.
248
00:10:31,210 --> 00:10:33,220
Hi. Hey, Beth.
Hi!
249
00:10:33,220 --> 00:10:34,720
You look great.
250
00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:35,720
Oh, thanks, Brian.
251
00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:36,720
So do you.
Thank you.
252
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:37,720
(door closes)
253
00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:38,720
(sighing)
254
00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:39,720
Oh!
255
00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:41,720
Catcher in the Rye.
256
00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:43,230
Oh, you-you like
that book?
257
00:10:43,230 --> 00:10:44,730
Well, no.
258
00:10:45,230 --> 00:10:47,230
Frankly, I think
it's a little overrated.
259
00:10:47,230 --> 00:10:48,730
Adolescence is tough--
260
00:10:48,730 --> 00:10:51,230
like I need 200 pages
to tell me that.
261
00:10:51,230 --> 00:10:53,740
(chuckles)
262
00:10:53,740 --> 00:10:56,240
So, what are we
going to do tonight?
263
00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:58,240
I was thinking we could...
R:
I went for a walk today
264
00:10:58,740 --> 00:11:00,740
and I saw children
playing in the park.
265
00:11:00,740 --> 00:11:02,250
I envied them.
266
00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:04,250
I'll never be able
to play like that again
267
00:11:04,250 --> 00:11:06,250
with such innocence
and abandon.
268
00:11:06,250 --> 00:11:08,250
But then I thought,
"They're too young
269
00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:10,250
"to feel the passion
I feel for you.
270
00:11:10,750 --> 00:11:12,260
Maybe they should envy me."
271
00:11:12,250 --> 00:11:14,260
...or a movie.
272
00:11:16,260 --> 00:11:19,260
But whatever we do
is fine with me.
273
00:11:19,260 --> 00:11:23,270
You know, I have to confess,
Casey warned me about you.
274
00:11:23,270 --> 00:11:25,270
She said you were
a little fickle,
275
00:11:25,270 --> 00:11:27,770
but I don't get that
from you at all.
276
00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:28,770
I can't see you anymore.
277
00:11:28,770 --> 00:11:30,770
I think I'm in love
with someone else.
278
00:11:30,770 --> 00:11:32,780
(laughing)
279
00:11:32,780 --> 00:11:34,280
Oh! Me, too.
280
00:11:34,280 --> 00:11:35,780
What are we going to do?
281
00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:39,780
No, I-I-I'm serious, Beth.
282
00:11:39,780 --> 00:11:43,290
Um, I think we should
end this now before...
283
00:11:43,290 --> 00:11:44,790
one of us gets hurt.
284
00:11:45,790 --> 00:11:47,290
What?
285
00:11:48,790 --> 00:11:51,790
How can this happen?
286
00:11:51,790 --> 00:11:55,300
Casey told me
you weren't seeing anyone.
287
00:11:55,300 --> 00:11:56,300
I'm not.
288
00:11:56,300 --> 00:11:57,800
Oh, I get it.
289
00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,300
You're not attracted to me.
290
00:11:59,300 --> 00:12:00,800
Oh, no. No, that's
not it at all.
291
00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:02,310
It's just that I
found my soul mate--
292
00:12:02,300 --> 00:12:05,310
the woman that I want to spend
the rest of my life with.
293
00:12:05,810 --> 00:12:07,810
Well, who is she?
294
00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:10,310
I don't know, I've
never met her before.
295
00:12:11,810 --> 00:12:13,820
But she's your soul mate?
296
00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:15,820
(sighing):
Oh, yes.
297
00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:20,320
And you're in love with her?
298
00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:22,320
I'm afraid so.
299
00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:24,830
R and I were...
300
00:12:25,330 --> 00:12:27,830
were meant for each other.
301
00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:28,830
R?
302
00:12:28,830 --> 00:12:32,340
Your soul mate's name is... R?
303
00:12:32,330 --> 00:12:34,340
Oh, no, no, of course not.
304
00:12:34,340 --> 00:12:35,840
R is her initial.
305
00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:38,840
I don't know her actual name.
306
00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:41,340
Why do all the lunatics
and maniacs find me?
307
00:12:41,340 --> 00:12:42,850
Now, now, Beth,
Beth, listen.
308
00:12:42,850 --> 00:12:44,350
You have every reason
to be upset,
309
00:12:44,350 --> 00:12:46,850
but I'm-I'm hardly
a lunatic.
310
00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:47,850
I... oh, uh...
311
00:12:48,350 --> 00:12:50,350
I almost forgot, uh...
312
00:12:50,350 --> 00:12:53,360
(softly):
Boxers and briefs.
313
00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:55,360
Boxers.
314
00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:57,860
Briefs.
315
00:12:58,860 --> 00:13:00,860
That R is a lucky girl.
316
00:13:08,370 --> 00:13:11,370
(alarm wailing)
317
00:13:11,370 --> 00:13:12,880
I can't stand it anymore!
318
00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:14,880
You have to be
an Olympic gymnast
319
00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:16,380
to live in this house.
320
00:13:16,380 --> 00:13:18,380
Hey, you're the one
who told Antonio
321
00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:20,380
I know, I know,
I know...
that he should...
322
00:13:20,380 --> 00:13:21,380
I know I'm the one
323
00:13:21,380 --> 00:13:23,890
and I hate myself
for being the one.
324
00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:26,390
But you know who
I hate even more?
325
00:13:26,390 --> 00:13:27,890
Antonio.
326
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:29,390
Hi!
327
00:13:32,900 --> 00:13:34,400
I brought crullers.
328
00:13:35,900 --> 00:13:37,400
Before I forget,
329
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:40,400
oh.... I have something
I need you to sign.
330
00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:42,400
I took the liberty
of writing
331
00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:45,910
a letter of recommendation
to pass on to new clients.
332
00:13:45,910 --> 00:13:48,410
"Antonio Scarpacci is
not just a handyman,
333
00:13:48,410 --> 00:13:49,410
"he's a visionary.
334
00:13:49,410 --> 00:13:50,910
"His work reflects
335
00:13:50,910 --> 00:13:52,420
"a unique combination
336
00:13:52,410 --> 00:13:55,920
of modern technology and
old-world craftsmanship."
337
00:13:56,420 --> 00:13:59,920
You slap your Joe Hancock
on there, and I'm in business.
338
00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:01,420
Okay. Uh,
do you mind
339
00:14:01,420 --> 00:14:02,930
if I make a few little
adjustments first?
340
00:14:02,930 --> 00:14:05,430
Oh, please,
gush away.
341
00:14:05,430 --> 00:14:06,430
Okay.
342
00:14:06,430 --> 00:14:09,430
"Antonio Scarpacci is
not just a handyman..."
343
00:14:09,430 --> 00:14:12,430
All right, let's get
rid of this "just."
344
00:14:12,430 --> 00:14:15,940
Okay, "Antonio Scarpacci
is not a handyman."
345
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:19,940
Okay, now, about this
"visionary" line.
346
00:14:19,940 --> 00:14:22,950
Let's just amend
that to read:
347
00:14:22,950 --> 00:14:28,450
"You'd be better off...
348
00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:30,950
"hiring... a...
349
00:14:30,950 --> 00:14:32,460
chimp."
350
00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:37,460
No problem signing that.
351
00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:39,960
All righty.
352
00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:41,460
All the best to you.
353
00:14:43,470 --> 00:14:46,970
Well. It's a little long
for the yellow pages,
354
00:14:46,970 --> 00:14:50,470
but, uh... I can probably pull
a quote or two.
355
00:14:55,980 --> 00:14:57,480
Okay, okay.
356
00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:59,980
Here's an "R."
357
00:14:59,980 --> 00:15:02,490
"Rivka... Aaronson,
358
00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:05,490
113 Chadway."
359
00:15:05,490 --> 00:15:06,990
Oh, I know that address.
360
00:15:07,490 --> 00:15:09,990
That's the Sons of Abraham
retirement home.
361
00:15:09,990 --> 00:15:11,990
Rivka...
362
00:15:12,490 --> 00:15:15,500
OLD WOMAN:
Last night I had
another dream about you.
363
00:15:15,500 --> 00:15:17,500
It must have been
the stuffed peppers.
364
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:20,500
When am I going to learn
I can't digest spicy?
365
00:15:23,010 --> 00:15:24,010
It doesn't feel right.
366
00:15:24,510 --> 00:15:25,510
Keep looking.
367
00:15:25,510 --> 00:15:27,510
You! I'm going
to kill you!
368
00:15:27,510 --> 00:15:30,010
I begged you not to
screw this up for me.
369
00:15:30,010 --> 00:15:33,520
What kind of lunatic dumps
a real woman for some kind
of psychotic fantasy?
370
00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:35,020
Hey, hey, hey.
371
00:15:35,020 --> 00:15:37,020
We're talking about
the woman I love.
372
00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:40,020
Rusty Cavaleri.
373
00:15:40,020 --> 00:15:41,520
"Rusty."
374
00:15:41,520 --> 00:15:45,030
MAN:
Yo, last night I had
a dream about youse.
375
00:15:47,030 --> 00:15:48,530
Keep looking.
376
00:15:49,030 --> 00:15:50,030
Look, I'm sorry.
377
00:15:50,030 --> 00:15:52,030
I never meant
for this to happen this way.
378
00:15:52,030 --> 00:15:54,040
But it just did.
379
00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:57,540
I have another letter for you
from your precious R.
380
00:15:57,540 --> 00:16:00,040
Well, I hope she's
300 pounds and bald!
381
00:16:03,550 --> 00:16:05,550
"Dear Kyle,
382
00:16:05,550 --> 00:16:08,050
"I've given up on
ever hearing from you
383
00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:11,050
"so I'm returning the only
postcard you ever sent me.
384
00:16:11,050 --> 00:16:13,560
Looking at it only
brings me pain."
385
00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:14,560
(sighs)
386
00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:16,560
My poor R.
387
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:18,560
I've got to find her.
388
00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:21,060
Maybe I should
call a private eye
389
00:16:21,060 --> 00:16:24,070
or go on television.
390
00:16:24,070 --> 00:16:26,070
Well, yeah, or you could
take her name and address
391
00:16:26,070 --> 00:16:28,070
off this postcard.
392
00:16:30,070 --> 00:16:32,580
Rebecca Burton.
393
00:16:32,570 --> 00:16:34,580
Rebecca.
394
00:16:34,580 --> 00:16:36,080
Rebecca...
395
00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:39,580
WOMAN:
Last night, I had
another dream about you.
396
00:16:39,580 --> 00:16:41,580
We have a winner.
397
00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:46,090
(exhales sharply)
398
00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:58,600
Yes?
399
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:00,600
(quietly):
Thank you!
400
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:05,110
Hi. Um... you
don't know me.
401
00:17:05,110 --> 00:17:08,110
My name is Brian Hackett...
402
00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:10,610
and I love you.
403
00:17:10,610 --> 00:17:11,610
What?
404
00:17:11,610 --> 00:17:12,610
No, no, no, no.
405
00:17:12,610 --> 00:17:15,620
I know it sounds strange...
it sounds strange,
406
00:17:15,620 --> 00:17:19,120
but, you see, you and I
are soul mates.
407
00:17:19,120 --> 00:17:20,620
Forget what you
had with Kyle.
408
00:17:20,620 --> 00:17:22,620
You and I belong together.
409
00:17:22,620 --> 00:17:24,130
Look, I don't know you.
410
00:17:24,130 --> 00:17:26,130
And I don't know
what you're talking about.
411
00:17:26,130 --> 00:17:27,130
Sure. Okay.
412
00:17:27,130 --> 00:17:28,130
And the only Kyle
that I know
413
00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:29,630
is Rebecca's friend
414
00:17:29,630 --> 00:17:32,630
who stayed with our neighbors
on Nantucket this summer.
415
00:17:32,630 --> 00:17:34,140
Maybe Rebecca knows
416
00:17:34,140 --> 00:17:36,640
something about this.
417
00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:38,140
Rebecca!
418
00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:40,140
Let it be a twin,
let it be a twin.
419
00:17:40,140 --> 00:17:42,650
Rebecca!
420
00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:44,650
God, Mom.
421
00:17:44,650 --> 00:17:47,150
You don't have to scream
your head off.
422
00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:50,650
Honey, this is
Brian Hackett
423
00:17:50,650 --> 00:17:52,650
and he seems
to know Kyle.
424
00:17:52,650 --> 00:17:56,160
Um... I'm sorry.
425
00:17:56,160 --> 00:18:00,160
Uh, there must be some horrible,
horrible, horrible...
426
00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:04,170
horrible mistake. Um...
427
00:18:04,170 --> 00:18:07,670
Please tell me that you're not
the one who wrote those letters.
428
00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:09,170
Letters?
429
00:18:10,670 --> 00:18:12,670
Um... it's okay, Mom.
430
00:18:12,670 --> 00:18:14,680
I know what this
is about.
431
00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:16,680
I can handle this.
432
00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:19,180
Uh... all right.
433
00:18:19,180 --> 00:18:20,680
Do you have
your whistle?
434
00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:22,180
Mom...
435
00:18:26,690 --> 00:18:28,690
So what do you know
about that geek-face Kyle?
436
00:18:28,690 --> 00:18:30,690
Did he get his braces off yet?
437
00:18:30,690 --> 00:18:33,200
Let me get this straight:
438
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:36,700
You're the one who
wrote these letters?
439
00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:39,700
You're... R?
440
00:18:39,700 --> 00:18:42,200
You read my letters?
441
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:44,210
Oh, God.
442
00:18:44,210 --> 00:18:46,710
Now I have to move
to, like, France.
443
00:18:46,710 --> 00:18:49,210
If there's anyone
who has to move
444
00:18:49,210 --> 00:18:51,210
to, "like, France," it's me.
445
00:18:51,210 --> 00:18:55,220
I... I cannot believe I...
446
00:18:55,220 --> 00:18:57,220
I got to go. Okay?
447
00:18:57,220 --> 00:18:58,720
No, wait.
448
00:19:00,220 --> 00:19:02,730
Can't you tell me
anything about Kyle?
449
00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:05,230
Sorry. I never met
the geek face.
450
00:19:08,730 --> 00:19:11,730
You must have really
liked him, huh?
451
00:19:11,730 --> 00:19:13,240
Well, duh.
452
00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:15,240
I mean, we rode bikes
all summer
453
00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:16,740
and then one day
454
00:19:16,740 --> 00:19:18,740
when we tried to ditch
my little brother,
455
00:19:18,740 --> 00:19:20,740
we kissed behind
the Sno Cone stand.
456
00:19:20,740 --> 00:19:23,250
I thought that meant
I was his girlfriend.
457
00:19:23,250 --> 00:19:25,750
Kyle moves fast, huh?
458
00:19:25,750 --> 00:19:30,250
Well, it's not like I let him
feel me up or anything.
459
00:19:31,250 --> 00:19:33,760
That's good.
460
00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:36,260
Oh. I am so stupid.
461
00:19:36,260 --> 00:19:37,760
No, I am.
462
00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:40,260
I thought Kyle loved me, but...
463
00:19:40,260 --> 00:19:42,770
obviously he so doesn't.
464
00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:44,270
Hey, give the
guy a break.
465
00:19:44,270 --> 00:19:45,770
He never got
these letters.
466
00:19:46,270 --> 00:19:47,770
Well, he could have called.
467
00:19:48,770 --> 00:19:52,270
Yeah, well...
a 12-year-old guy
468
00:19:52,270 --> 00:19:55,780
has a full life, you know,
what, with little league
469
00:19:55,780 --> 00:19:58,780
and setting bugs on
fire, making arm farts,
470
00:19:58,780 --> 00:20:00,780
stuff like that.
471
00:20:00,780 --> 00:20:02,780
Probably just
hasn't had time.
472
00:20:02,780 --> 00:20:04,790
Please. Don't insult
my intelligence.
473
00:20:04,790 --> 00:20:07,290
I know when
I'm being blown off.
474
00:20:07,290 --> 00:20:10,790
All right.
Then here it is:
475
00:20:10,790 --> 00:20:14,300
Guys are lunkheads, okay?
476
00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:18,800
They can meet a... a woman
who's totally cool, like you,
477
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:21,300
and still think that
478
00:20:21,300 --> 00:20:23,810
maybe there's someone
better out there.
479
00:20:25,310 --> 00:20:26,810
Well, that's just dumb.
480
00:20:27,310 --> 00:20:29,310
I mean, how does anyone
ever get together?
481
00:20:29,310 --> 00:20:30,810
(chuckles)
482
00:20:30,810 --> 00:20:34,320
You are so talking
to the wrong guy.
483
00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:37,320
Well, I'm never falling
in love again. It sucks.
484
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:39,820
Well, yeah, yeah, yeah.
485
00:20:39,820 --> 00:20:42,320
Love sucks sometimes.
486
00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:43,830
But sometimes it's
also the best thing
487
00:20:43,830 --> 00:20:46,330
that could ever
happen to you.
488
00:20:46,830 --> 00:20:47,830
If it's any consolation,
489
00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:51,330
I'm sure Kyle will
never, ever forget you.
490
00:20:51,330 --> 00:20:52,330
How do you know?
491
00:20:52,830 --> 00:20:53,840
Well, because...
492
00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:57,340
a guy never forgets
his first love.
493
00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:01,840
Here you go.
494
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:03,850
I live at the house
where Kyle was staying
495
00:21:03,850 --> 00:21:06,350
and there was no
forwarding address.
496
00:21:06,850 --> 00:21:10,350
You know, those
letters are really...
497
00:21:10,350 --> 00:21:11,350
beautiful.
498
00:21:12,850 --> 00:21:16,360
Someday you'll find somebody
who can appreciate that.
499
00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:17,360
Thanks.
500
00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:18,360
Sure.
501
00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:21,360
Nobody helped you
write those letters?
502
00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:24,870
An aunt or older sister or...?
503
00:21:24,870 --> 00:21:27,370
Still looking
for something better, huh?
504
00:21:27,370 --> 00:21:29,870
Enough about me.
505
00:21:29,870 --> 00:21:31,370
So, uh...
506
00:21:31,370 --> 00:21:34,380
you like The Catcher
in the Rye, huh?
507
00:21:34,380 --> 00:21:36,880
Well, it's only, like,
the best book ever written.
508
00:21:37,380 --> 00:21:38,880
Oh, totally, totally.
509
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:40,380
I love how Holden Caulfield
510
00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:43,390
rebels against
the hypocrisies
511
00:21:43,390 --> 00:21:45,890
of middle-class values.
512
00:21:45,890 --> 00:21:49,390
Excuse me, but that is
so not the point.
513
00:21:49,390 --> 00:21:53,400
The book is about the search
for a sense of self.
514
00:21:55,900 --> 00:21:57,900
Yeah, I got that.
34803
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