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Listen to this.
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"A spokesman for the Society for
Inter-Solar System Teamwork--
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00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:13,600
"SISST--
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00:00:14,100 --> 00:00:16,600
"claims an alien visitation
is going to occur
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00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:18,100
"on Nantucket on the 18th
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00:00:18,100 --> 00:00:19,100
of this month."
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What a bunch of nutbags.
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I don't know
about that, Antonio.
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Who's to say we're
the only intelligent
life in the universe?
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00:00:27,610 --> 00:00:28,610
Me. I say it.
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00:00:28,610 --> 00:00:30,110
We're it, baby.
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That's all she wrote.
13
00:00:31,610 --> 00:00:32,620
You're wasting your time
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00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:35,620
with all this whoo-whoo,
hocus-pocus stuff.
15
00:00:35,620 --> 00:00:36,620
Where are you going?
16
00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:38,120
It's Wednesday.
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00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:40,620
I have a standing appointment
with Madame Zola
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00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:43,130
to read the bumps
on my head.
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00:00:43,130 --> 00:00:44,630
Okay, Roy,
it's your turn.
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00:00:44,630 --> 00:00:46,630
I'm sure
you're a skeptic too.
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00:00:46,630 --> 00:00:49,130
I just don't believe
we're alone.
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00:00:49,630 --> 00:00:50,630
Neither do I.
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00:00:51,130 --> 00:00:52,140
What?
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00:00:52,140 --> 00:00:53,640
Oh, they're here,
all right.
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00:00:54,140 --> 00:00:55,140
They're everywhere.
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00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:57,140
I've read all the books.
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00:00:57,140 --> 00:00:58,640
Aliens in my Pocket?
28
00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:00,640
Red Planet, Blue Skin?
29
00:01:01,140 --> 00:01:03,150
BOTH:
Bright Lights, Big Heads?
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00:01:03,150 --> 00:01:05,150
Ah! Oh!
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00:01:05,150 --> 00:01:07,650
I wish we could contact
the society.
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00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:10,650
I'd give anything
to be at the landing.
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No problem.
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I know people.
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I have a mole in SISST.
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Hey, how did
the job interviews go?
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00:01:25,170 --> 00:01:26,170
Oh, another bust.
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00:01:26,670 --> 00:01:28,670
This week alone,
I've been turned down
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00:01:28,670 --> 00:01:31,170
for tour guide
at the whaling museum
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00:01:31,170 --> 00:01:32,180
dental receptionist
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00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:34,680
and chum dumper on a tuna boat.
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00:01:36,180 --> 00:01:38,180
Brian, I feel like such a loser.
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Oh, stop talking like that.
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You're not a loser.
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They wouldn't even
let you dump chum?
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00:01:44,190 --> 00:01:46,690
No. It's just like
everything else.
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You got to know somebody.
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I know how it is.
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This morning,
when I woke up
I was feeling down.
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I just snapped
myself out of it.
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You want to know how?
How?
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First, I stopped
feeling sorry for myself.
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I took a deep breath
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I walked on over
to the mailbox,
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00:02:03,710 --> 00:02:05,210
pulled out
a big mama check
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from my insurance
company!
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My fire settlement came through.
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00:02:10,710 --> 00:02:12,720
What are you going
to do with the check?
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00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:14,220
You gonna buy a new house?
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00:02:14,220 --> 00:02:15,720
Maybe. Eventually.
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00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:18,720
But for now, I'm just going
to keep him safe here with me.
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Aren't I?
You're a pretty little check.
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00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:22,230
Yes, you are.
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00:02:22,230 --> 00:02:23,730
Besides...
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00:02:23,730 --> 00:02:25,230
what's the hurry?
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00:02:25,230 --> 00:02:26,230
I'm living with Joe and Helen;
they're cool about that.
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00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:28,230
I'm not in a rush
to go anywhere.
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00:02:28,730 --> 00:02:29,730
There he is!
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00:02:29,730 --> 00:02:31,230
The man
with the check.
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00:02:31,730 --> 00:02:33,740
Which we are
going to help you
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00:02:33,740 --> 00:02:36,740
turn into a house, a house
of your very, very own.
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00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:38,240
That's right, we've been
looking all morning.
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We've narrowed it
to three.
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00:02:39,740 --> 00:02:41,240
All you have to do is pick.
Well, I, I...
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00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:43,250
Here is a gracious,
spacious colonial
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00:02:43,250 --> 00:02:45,750
featuring three bedrooms, two
and half baths and a wet bar.
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00:02:45,750 --> 00:02:47,750
Or how about this sleek,
contemporary two-plus-two
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00:02:48,250 --> 00:02:50,250
with a gourmet kitchen,
a private deck off the master
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00:02:50,250 --> 00:02:51,760
and a wet bar.
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00:02:51,750 --> 00:02:53,260
Or this charming
Cape Cod--
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00:02:53,260 --> 00:02:55,760
finished basement,
ocean view,
and a wet bar.
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00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:57,760
What's with all
the wet bars?
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00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:59,760
Who am I? Matt Helm?
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00:03:00,260 --> 00:03:02,770
Is there room in any
of those places for me?
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00:03:02,770 --> 00:03:04,270
Well, I am glad you asked.
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00:03:04,270 --> 00:03:07,770
This one has a guest house
right on the property.
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00:03:07,770 --> 00:03:09,770
Where?
It's right there. See?
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00:03:09,770 --> 00:03:10,770
That corrugated
metal thing?
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00:03:10,770 --> 00:03:12,280
That's a tool shed!
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00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:14,780
Come on, what do you say
we all go down and look
at it right now?
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00:03:14,780 --> 00:03:15,780
What's the rush?
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00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:17,280
Oh, there is no rush;
we just want you to be happy.
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00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,280
You deserve a place of your own
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00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:20,780
without us in the way
all the time.
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00:03:20,780 --> 00:03:21,780
You guys aren't in my way.
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00:03:21,780 --> 00:03:22,790
Yes, we we are--
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00:03:22,790 --> 00:03:24,290
we're a giant pain in the butt!
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00:03:24,290 --> 00:03:26,790
Trust me, Brian.
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00:03:26,790 --> 00:03:28,790
You shouldn't spend
one more night
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00:03:28,790 --> 00:03:30,290
in the house with us.
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00:03:30,290 --> 00:03:33,800
We don't think your nerves
could handle it.
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00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:36,300
Something bad
could happen.
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00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:39,800
You might... blow.
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00:03:41,300 --> 00:03:42,310
I suppose
it wouldn't hurt
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00:03:42,310 --> 00:03:43,310
to go down there
and take a peek.
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00:03:43,810 --> 00:03:45,310
HELEN:
All right, then.
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00:03:49,810 --> 00:03:51,310
Some house, huh?
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00:03:51,310 --> 00:03:53,320
Did you see
that crown molding
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00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:54,820
in the living room?
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00:03:54,820 --> 00:03:57,320
You can't find that kind
of craftsmanship today.
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00:03:57,820 --> 00:03:59,320
What about that thing
under the tarp?
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00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:00,820
Don't worry about that.
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00:04:00,820 --> 00:04:02,330
They got poison for that.
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00:04:02,330 --> 00:04:04,330
No. No. No! No! No! No!
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00:04:04,330 --> 00:04:06,830
Oh, got it. There you are.
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00:04:06,830 --> 00:04:09,330
You gave me
quite a scare there, didn't you?
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00:04:09,330 --> 00:04:11,840
Stop talking
to the check now.
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It's psycho.
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Come on, we showed you
three great houses, Brian.
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00:04:16,340 --> 00:04:17,340
You must have
liked one of them.
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00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:18,840
Well, actually...
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00:04:18,840 --> 00:04:20,840
You left me there
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00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:22,850
in the toolshed!
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00:04:22,850 --> 00:04:24,350
I was measuring
for curtains.
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00:04:24,350 --> 00:04:25,850
You couldn't
hear me screaming?
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We didn't know it was you.
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00:04:27,350 --> 00:04:28,850
You do hear a lot of screaming
in that part of town.
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00:04:28,850 --> 00:04:30,850
Anyway,
what'd you think?
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00:04:30,850 --> 00:04:32,360
Well, I did like
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00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:34,360
the contemporary
with the deck
off the bed...
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00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:36,360
That's my favorite too!
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00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:37,360
Shall we
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00:04:37,860 --> 00:04:39,360
make the call?
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00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:42,370
Well, could you just
give us a minute?
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00:04:42,870 --> 00:04:44,370
JOE:
Oh, yeah.
Yeah. Thanks, guys.
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00:04:44,370 --> 00:04:46,370
'Cause Brian
and I need to...
137
00:04:46,370 --> 00:04:48,370
well, this is it, big guy.
138
00:04:49,370 --> 00:04:51,370
I'm going to miss you.
139
00:04:52,380 --> 00:04:54,880
All right. I'm ready.
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00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:56,380
Let's go
get me a house!
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00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:57,880
JOE:
We did it.
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00:04:57,880 --> 00:05:00,880
HELEN:
Let's go call the agent.
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00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:02,890
Uh...
144
00:05:02,890 --> 00:05:04,390
oh.
145
00:05:04,390 --> 00:05:05,890
Could we
see menus?
146
00:05:05,890 --> 00:05:07,890
No menus.
Here's what I got--
147
00:05:07,890 --> 00:05:09,390
I got a cheese sandwich.
148
00:05:09,390 --> 00:05:10,890
I got a baloney sandwich.
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00:05:10,890 --> 00:05:12,400
I got a tuna sandwich.
150
00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:15,400
I'll take
a cheese sandwich.
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00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:16,900
Me too.
152
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:19,900
No. You're not listening.
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00:05:19,900 --> 00:05:23,410
I said, I got a cheese sandwich
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00:05:23,410 --> 00:05:26,410
a baloney sandwich,
and a tuna sandwich.
155
00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:30,410
How do you expect to stay
in business like that?
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00:05:30,410 --> 00:05:31,920
I don't.
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00:05:31,910 --> 00:05:34,420
Tomorrow, I'm closing the place
and moving to Miami.
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00:05:34,420 --> 00:05:36,920
I bought a condo.
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00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:38,420
In fact,
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00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:41,920
you two are probably
my last customers ever.
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00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:44,430
Oh, that's
kind of sad.
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00:05:44,430 --> 00:05:45,930
You want sad?
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00:05:45,930 --> 00:05:47,930
Wait till you see the baloney.
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00:05:47,930 --> 00:05:50,430
Tuna it is.
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00:05:50,430 --> 00:05:52,940
Wow. Wow. I'm...
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00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:55,440
I'm really going
to be a homeowner.
167
00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:57,940
Yeah. You know,
I bet that those
light fixtures
168
00:05:57,940 --> 00:05:59,440
are original art deco.
169
00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:01,950
Maybe I'll expand
the master bedroom.
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00:06:01,940 --> 00:06:03,950
Look at that tilework
on that counter.
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00:06:03,950 --> 00:06:05,450
You don't see stuff
like that anymore.
172
00:06:05,950 --> 00:06:06,950
Of course I'll have to
get rid of the garden.
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00:06:06,950 --> 00:06:08,450
You know how I hate plants.
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00:06:08,450 --> 00:06:11,960
A little paint,
a little imagination...
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00:06:11,950 --> 00:06:13,460
It was the right decision.
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00:06:13,460 --> 00:06:14,960
You know what you should do?
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00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:16,960
You should take
your insurance check
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00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:17,960
and invest it in something,
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00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:19,460
something that could
make you money.
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00:06:19,460 --> 00:06:20,960
Like what?
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00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:22,970
Like this place.
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00:06:22,970 --> 00:06:23,970
A diner?
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00:06:24,470 --> 00:06:25,470
No, no, no, not a diner.
184
00:06:25,470 --> 00:06:26,970
You could turn it
into something cool--
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00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:28,970
you know, like a club or a bar.
186
00:06:28,970 --> 00:06:30,470
Oh, I know.
187
00:06:30,470 --> 00:06:32,980
A martini bar. They're big now.
188
00:06:32,980 --> 00:06:34,980
A martini bar...
what are you, kidding?
189
00:06:34,980 --> 00:06:37,980
That's the stupidest, most
ridiculous idea I ever heard.
190
00:06:37,980 --> 00:06:38,980
You could call it Brian's.
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00:06:38,980 --> 00:06:40,980
Go on.
192
00:06:40,980 --> 00:06:43,990
What could be cooler
than owning your own club?
193
00:06:43,990 --> 00:06:45,990
I mean, can't you just
see yourself here,
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00:06:45,990 --> 00:06:47,990
you know,
sitting on a barstool
195
00:06:47,990 --> 00:06:50,490
people all around
laughing at your stories.
196
00:06:50,490 --> 00:06:53,500
You always tell me to shut up
when I tell my stories.
197
00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:55,500
Yeah. But if I had
a couple of martinis in me,
198
00:06:55,500 --> 00:06:57,000
I'd laugh my head off.
199
00:06:57,000 --> 00:07:01,000
Listen, Brian...
we could make a fortune.
200
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:05,010
And if anyone has the charisma
to draw a crowd, it's you.
201
00:07:05,510 --> 00:07:08,510
No! You would be like Bogie
in Casablanca.
202
00:07:08,510 --> 00:07:10,010
Yeah. Bogie.
Uh-huh. Yeah.
203
00:07:10,010 --> 00:07:13,020
( imitating Bogie ):
Welcome to Brian's,
sweetheart.
204
00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:15,020
See, that's great.
You're a natural.
205
00:07:15,020 --> 00:07:16,520
Letters of transient--
letters of transit.
206
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:19,020
Louie, I think this
is the beginning--
207
00:07:19,020 --> 00:07:20,020
Stop it!
208
00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:24,030
Save all that good stuff
for the opening.
209
00:07:24,030 --> 00:07:25,030
I admit, it's a cool idea
210
00:07:25,030 --> 00:07:27,530
but what do I know
about running a club?
211
00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:29,530
Right.
That's where I come in.
212
00:07:29,530 --> 00:07:31,030
I will do everything.
213
00:07:31,030 --> 00:07:32,030
I'll design it.
214
00:07:32,540 --> 00:07:34,040
I'll supervise
the renovations.
215
00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:36,040
I'll even
manage it for you.
216
00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:39,040
All you have to do
is just sit on that barstool
217
00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:40,040
and rake in the dough.
218
00:07:40,040 --> 00:07:43,050
Come on,
Brian, take a chance.
219
00:07:43,050 --> 00:07:45,550
Sandpiper
was Joe's dream.
220
00:07:45,550 --> 00:07:47,050
This could be yours.
221
00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:49,550
Hey, congratulations, Brian.
222
00:07:49,550 --> 00:07:51,550
The house is a done deal.
223
00:07:51,550 --> 00:07:53,560
You finally have a
place of your own.
224
00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:54,560
Yes, I do.
225
00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:57,560
Welcome to Brian's!
226
00:08:10,070 --> 00:08:12,070
A martini bar...
227
00:08:12,070 --> 00:08:14,580
a martini bar!
228
00:08:14,580 --> 00:08:17,580
They're going to be living
with us until they die.
229
00:08:21,580 --> 00:08:25,090
Let's not go there yet.
230
00:08:26,090 --> 00:08:27,590
Welcome to Brian's.
231
00:08:29,090 --> 00:08:31,590
Hey, so what do you think?
232
00:08:31,590 --> 00:08:33,100
Want the truth
or a bald-faced lie?
233
00:08:33,100 --> 00:08:34,100
I'm in deep--
give me the lie.
234
00:08:34,100 --> 00:08:36,100
I love it!
Hey.
235
00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:37,600
Well, thanks, buddy,
236
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,100
but, you know, we couldn't
have done it by ourselves.
237
00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:41,100
Brian's would be nowhere
238
00:08:41,100 --> 00:08:43,110
without those workmen
out there.
239
00:08:43,610 --> 00:08:46,110
I tell you, those boys,
those boys out there
240
00:08:46,110 --> 00:08:47,110
really rally around me.
241
00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:49,610
( glass breaking
and car alarm blaring )
242
00:08:50,110 --> 00:08:52,110
Hey... that sounds
like my car.
243
00:08:52,110 --> 00:08:55,620
Damn thievin' workmen.
244
00:08:55,620 --> 00:08:57,620
And... there
she is--
245
00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,620
the brains behind
Brian's.
246
00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:01,120
I realize you guys
247
00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:03,130
aren't exactly in love
with the idea
248
00:09:03,130 --> 00:09:05,630
but we have put everything
we've got into this.
249
00:09:05,630 --> 00:09:07,630
It would mean a lot
if we had your support.
250
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:09,130
Okay, Casey, what...
251
00:09:09,130 --> 00:09:10,630
what can we do to help?
252
00:09:10,630 --> 00:09:12,140
Short of cosigning
anything.
253
00:09:12,130 --> 00:09:14,140
Well, if you want,
254
00:09:14,140 --> 00:09:15,640
you could help with
the martini menus.
255
00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:17,140
See we're gonna serve
all different kinds,
256
00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:19,140
and we need to come up
with, like, a fun selection.
257
00:09:19,140 --> 00:09:21,640
So... you want us to sit
at the bar and drink?
258
00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:23,150
If it isn't
too much trouble.
259
00:09:23,650 --> 00:09:24,650
Hey, we're family.
260
00:09:24,650 --> 00:09:26,150
Come on, Helen,
belly up.
261
00:09:28,650 --> 00:09:31,150
Oh... I remember.
262
00:09:31,650 --> 00:09:33,160
This place was a diner!
263
00:09:33,660 --> 00:09:35,660
Good food,
but the owner was creepy.
264
00:09:35,660 --> 00:09:38,660
Every time I came in,
he was all over me
265
00:09:38,660 --> 00:09:43,170
with his sweaty hands
and his baloney breath...
266
00:09:43,170 --> 00:09:46,170
I wonder
whatever happened to him.
267
00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:48,170
Look at this place...
268
00:09:48,170 --> 00:09:50,170
They'll probably have
one of those snooty doormen
269
00:09:50,670 --> 00:09:51,670
behind the velvet rope
270
00:09:51,670 --> 00:09:54,180
deciding who gets in
and who doesn't.
271
00:09:54,180 --> 00:09:57,180
I knew someone who waited
outside a club like this
272
00:09:57,180 --> 00:09:58,680
for three hours,
never got in
273
00:09:58,680 --> 00:10:01,180
'cause the doorman
said he didn't have
274
00:10:01,180 --> 00:10:03,690
"the right look."
275
00:10:03,690 --> 00:10:07,190
What were you wearing?
276
00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:11,690
A plaid car coat
and a pair of red galoshes.
277
00:10:11,690 --> 00:10:14,700
Hey... welcome to
Brian's, Antonio.
278
00:10:14,700 --> 00:10:16,700
I wonder, would I
hear those words
279
00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:18,700
if your snooty doorman
didn't think I had
280
00:10:18,700 --> 00:10:22,710
"the right look"
to get in your snobby club?
281
00:10:22,710 --> 00:10:24,210
Probably not.
282
00:10:24,210 --> 00:10:26,210
Oh, hey, that
reminds me--
283
00:10:26,210 --> 00:10:29,710
I better ask Casey
to hire some goon
to man the door.
284
00:10:29,710 --> 00:10:31,710
Please! Let it be me-- please?
285
00:10:31,710 --> 00:10:34,720
Oh, Brian, I'm perfect
for the job, you know?
286
00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:37,220
I got that whole
Euro-thing happening
287
00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:40,220
and a 'tude
that's bad to the bone.
288
00:10:40,220 --> 00:10:41,720
You're in!
289
00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:44,230
Hey, let me introduce
you to the family.
290
00:10:44,230 --> 00:10:46,730
Say, uh, whoozits
in the, uh, bandanna--
291
00:10:46,730 --> 00:10:47,730
meet the doorman.
292
00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:50,730
( whispering ):
Hey, hey, Cochran, come here.
293
00:10:50,730 --> 00:10:52,240
We are in luck.
294
00:10:52,230 --> 00:10:54,740
I got the coordinates
for the landing:
295
00:10:54,740 --> 00:10:57,240
'Sconset Point,
three nights from now.
296
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:58,240
Oh, you're kidding!
297
00:10:58,240 --> 00:10:59,740
No, we have to bring
a lawn chair,
298
00:10:59,740 --> 00:11:01,740
a warm blanket
and an offering.
299
00:11:01,740 --> 00:11:04,250
I suggest an Entenmann''
crumb cake.
300
00:11:04,250 --> 00:11:07,750
The aliens like crumb cake?
301
00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:09,750
No... the SISST people.
302
00:11:09,750 --> 00:11:13,760
They hate it if you
show up empty-handed.
303
00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:18,260
The last thing you want
to do is get SISST pissed.
304
00:11:22,260 --> 00:11:24,270
( slurring ):
Okay, let's get back to work.
305
00:11:24,770 --> 00:11:26,770
How many names
have we come up with yet?
306
00:11:26,770 --> 00:11:27,770
( slurring ):
Let's see...
307
00:11:28,270 --> 00:11:30,770
Okay, let's see, we have
the "martini Navratilova"...
308
00:11:32,780 --> 00:11:35,780
And we have
the "Idi Amini martini"...
309
00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:40,280
And... let me see,
what should we call that one?
310
00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:41,280
Oh, I got it, I got it...
311
00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:43,290
( chuckling ):
The-- this is good--
312
00:11:43,290 --> 00:11:46,290
the "itsy bitsy teenie weenie
yellow polka-dot...
313
00:11:46,290 --> 00:11:47,790
Martini."
314
00:11:47,790 --> 00:11:48,790
Ah...
315
00:11:48,790 --> 00:11:52,300
You saw right where
I was going.
316
00:11:52,290 --> 00:11:55,300
I just thought of something.
317
00:11:55,300 --> 00:11:57,300
We can't... drive like this.
318
00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:59,800
How-how we gonna get home?
319
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:00,800
Antonio.
320
00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:01,800
He hasn't been drinking.
321
00:12:02,300 --> 00:12:03,310
He's thinking very clearly.
322
00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:08,310
Sorry, babe.
323
00:12:10,810 --> 00:12:12,320
( snickering )
324
00:12:12,310 --> 00:12:13,820
In your dreams.
325
00:12:18,820 --> 00:12:20,820
( loudly ):
No way.
326
00:12:24,330 --> 00:12:26,830
Is that a freakin'
car coat?
327
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,340
Be cool, be cool.
328
00:12:35,340 --> 00:12:38,840
We still got five minutes
before we're officially open.
329
00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:41,340
Look, Brian!
There's a line around the block.
330
00:12:41,340 --> 00:12:43,850
There's got to be, like,
200 people out there.
331
00:12:43,850 --> 00:12:44,850
Whoa... 200 people.
332
00:12:44,850 --> 00:12:46,850
All here to see Brian.
333
00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:49,850
Well, I... guess my name
really draws 'em in, huh?
334
00:12:49,850 --> 00:12:51,850
Yeah... those
two-for-one coupons
335
00:12:51,850 --> 00:12:53,360
didn't hurt either.
336
00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:56,860
What's the word, Mr. B?
337
00:12:56,860 --> 00:12:58,860
All right, Antonio...
338
00:12:58,860 --> 00:13:01,860
send in the first customer.
339
00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:08,370
Good evening.
340
00:13:08,870 --> 00:13:09,870
Welcome to Brian's.
341
00:13:10,370 --> 00:13:12,370
( screaming )
342
00:13:12,370 --> 00:13:13,380
Oh, my God!
343
00:13:13,380 --> 00:13:14,380
Are you all right?
344
00:13:14,380 --> 00:13:15,880
Ow... ow... ow.
345
00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:17,380
Boy...
346
00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:18,880
that floor is slippery.
347
00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:20,880
Can I help you up?
348
00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:22,890
No, no, no, I think you better
call a doctor.
349
00:13:22,890 --> 00:13:24,890
(groaning continues)
350
00:13:24,890 --> 00:13:26,890
I think we better call
the insurance company too.
351
00:13:26,890 --> 00:13:28,890
I don't think we can
call the insurance company.
352
00:13:28,890 --> 00:13:29,890
Why not?
353
00:13:29,890 --> 00:13:31,890
Brian doesn't have one.
354
00:13:31,890 --> 00:13:34,400
Ow... ow... ow.
355
00:13:39,900 --> 00:13:41,400
( cocktail music playing
on piano )
356
00:13:44,410 --> 00:13:49,410
Call me
irresponsible
357
00:13:49,410 --> 00:13:50,910
Brian?
358
00:13:50,910 --> 00:13:54,920
Call me unreliable
359
00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:56,420
Brian...
360
00:13:56,420 --> 00:13:58,420
Call me...
361
00:13:58,420 --> 00:14:00,920
An idiot for trusting you!
362
00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:02,930
I already said
363
00:14:02,930 --> 00:14:04,930
I was sorry.
364
00:14:04,930 --> 00:14:06,930
You know, you told me
to cut corners.
365
00:14:06,930 --> 00:14:08,930
I had to make some
executive decisions.
366
00:14:08,930 --> 00:14:13,940
Do you know how much
a good assistant manager costs?
367
00:14:13,940 --> 00:14:15,440
Go wait in the car.
368
00:14:19,940 --> 00:14:22,450
Look, Brian, maybe it's not
as bad as we think.
369
00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:24,450
I mean, we don't
even really know
370
00:14:24,450 --> 00:14:25,950
how hurt this guy is.
371
00:14:25,950 --> 00:14:27,450
He might be okay by now.
372
00:14:27,450 --> 00:14:29,450
You know... yeah.
You might be right.
373
00:14:29,450 --> 00:14:32,960
I mean, they only wheeled him
out of here on a gurney.
374
00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:35,460
That's how I like to travel
when I'm in the pink!
375
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:44,470
Do you know how I like
to travel?
376
00:14:44,470 --> 00:14:46,970
On an elephant.
377
00:14:46,970 --> 00:14:50,470
On one of those big-ass
elephant saddles...
378
00:14:50,470 --> 00:14:53,480
you know, the kind
all the elphelants wear...
379
00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:56,480
and so as I pass by,
all the villagers come out
380
00:14:56,480 --> 00:15:00,480
and they say, "Whoa!
There goes Princess Helen
381
00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:02,480
on her elphelant."
382
00:15:05,490 --> 00:15:06,490
( whispering ):
Yeah.
383
00:15:06,490 --> 00:15:09,990
That's the way to go,
all right.
384
00:15:09,990 --> 00:15:12,500
Listen to her.
385
00:15:12,490 --> 00:15:15,000
She makes a lot of sense.
386
00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:17,500
Joe, Joey, please, stay with me.
387
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:19,500
I'm about to lose my club here.
388
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:21,000
I need some help.
389
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:23,010
You... you know,
you rejected my help.
390
00:15:23,510 --> 00:15:25,010
You should have taken
my advice
391
00:15:25,010 --> 00:15:27,510
when I told you
to buy a hat.
392
00:15:27,510 --> 00:15:29,510
A... a hat?!
393
00:15:29,510 --> 00:15:31,010
Yeah, a h... a hat.
394
00:15:31,010 --> 00:15:32,010
A hat. A hat.
395
00:15:32,010 --> 00:15:34,020
A hat with a deck
off the master
396
00:15:34,020 --> 00:15:36,520
and a little tool shed
for Stacey.
397
00:15:38,020 --> 00:15:39,020
Hey... look, Joe.
398
00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:42,020
I have a hat.
399
00:15:42,020 --> 00:15:44,030
That's pretty.
400
00:15:44,030 --> 00:15:47,530
Joey, please.
What am I going to do?
401
00:15:47,530 --> 00:15:49,530
Well, I think that it's time
402
00:15:49,530 --> 00:15:52,030
to add a new drink
to the menu.
403
00:15:52,030 --> 00:15:55,540
The bankruptini martini.
404
00:15:55,540 --> 00:15:56,540
It's on the rocks
405
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:59,540
and it's going to live
with its relatives
406
00:15:59,540 --> 00:16:01,040
for the rest of its life.
407
00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:03,050
Oh, no.
Okay, now, now, now.
408
00:16:03,050 --> 00:16:05,550
Listen, we're just going
to go behind the bar
409
00:16:05,550 --> 00:16:07,050
and take a little nappy.
410
00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:09,550
We'll meet you later
back at the hat.
411
00:16:15,060 --> 00:16:16,560
That's it.
412
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:18,060
( weak chuckle )
413
00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:19,560
It's all over.
414
00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:22,560
I sank my last dime
into this place.
415
00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:24,570
Now when that guy sues me
416
00:16:25,070 --> 00:16:26,570
I'm going to lose
everything!
417
00:16:26,570 --> 00:16:30,070
No! Brian!
We're not giving up.
418
00:16:30,070 --> 00:16:31,570
What if we go see him
before he gets a lawyer?
419
00:16:32,070 --> 00:16:33,080
Maybe we could make
a settlement
420
00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:35,080
and we could still
keep the club.
421
00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:36,080
Ah... o-oh, okay.
422
00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:37,080
It's worth a shot.
423
00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:38,080
Okay, good,
424
00:16:38,580 --> 00:16:40,080
so we're going
to go visit...
425
00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:43,090
"Mr. Albert Moorehead"
first thing in the morning.
426
00:16:44,590 --> 00:16:47,590
Make that... second thing
in the morning.
427
00:16:54,100 --> 00:16:55,100
( knocking )
428
00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:57,100
Come in.
429
00:17:00,100 --> 00:17:02,100
Oh, wow.
430
00:17:03,610 --> 00:17:05,110
Hi, Mr. Moorehead.
We're the people...
431
00:17:05,110 --> 00:17:06,110
I know.
432
00:17:06,110 --> 00:17:07,610
You're the folks
who own the club.
433
00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:09,110
My mom told me you were coming.
434
00:17:09,110 --> 00:17:11,610
Oh, yeah!
We met her downstairs.
435
00:17:11,610 --> 00:17:13,120
What a lovely lady.
436
00:17:13,120 --> 00:17:16,120
( woman bellowing ):
Keep that door open
up there, Albie!
437
00:17:16,120 --> 00:17:18,120
No monkey business!
438
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:20,620
Leave me alone!
I got friends over!
439
00:17:24,630 --> 00:17:26,630
That's right, Albie.
440
00:17:26,630 --> 00:17:28,630
We are your friends.
441
00:17:28,630 --> 00:17:30,630
At least, we'd like to be.
442
00:17:30,630 --> 00:17:31,630
Yeah.
443
00:17:31,630 --> 00:17:33,640
Hey, I see you have
a Vu-Master.
444
00:17:34,140 --> 00:17:35,640
I love these things.
445
00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:36,640
May I?
446
00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:40,140
( shrieking )
447
00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:44,650
What's going on
up there?
448
00:17:44,650 --> 00:17:47,650
Albie, what did I tell you
about monkey business?
449
00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:49,650
There's nothing going on!
450
00:17:50,150 --> 00:17:51,650
Shut up!
451
00:17:55,660 --> 00:17:58,160
Um... Albie,
452
00:17:58,160 --> 00:17:59,660
how are you feeling?
453
00:17:59,660 --> 00:18:03,170
Because you look...
just really good.
454
00:18:03,170 --> 00:18:04,670
I'm a little sore.
455
00:18:04,670 --> 00:18:06,170
Doctor says I hurt my...
456
00:18:06,170 --> 00:18:07,670
you know, my...
457
00:18:07,670 --> 00:18:08,670
my fanny.
458
00:18:09,170 --> 00:18:10,170
( giggling )
459
00:18:11,170 --> 00:18:12,680
Your... fanny?
460
00:18:13,180 --> 00:18:14,180
Yeah, you know...
461
00:18:14,180 --> 00:18:15,180
my heinie.
462
00:18:15,180 --> 00:18:16,680
( giggling )
463
00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:21,180
( forced giggling )
( forced giggling )
464
00:18:21,180 --> 00:18:25,190
Anyways, I don't blame you
for being mad at me.
465
00:18:25,690 --> 00:18:27,690
Mad at you? No...
466
00:18:27,690 --> 00:18:30,690
Uh, uh... Albie, go on.
467
00:18:30,690 --> 00:18:33,200
Well, I'd never been
to a club before.
468
00:18:33,700 --> 00:18:35,200
I only gave the doorman money
469
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:37,700
because I saw someone
do it in a movie once.
470
00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:39,700
Then I get in, and of course
I'm so clumsy
471
00:18:39,700 --> 00:18:41,700
I fall down
and cause a big scene.
472
00:18:41,700 --> 00:18:44,210
Uh... Albie...
473
00:18:44,210 --> 00:18:46,710
Albie!
474
00:18:46,710 --> 00:18:48,210
Don't be so hard
on yourself!
475
00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:51,710
You think you're the only guy
who ever fell on his...
476
00:18:51,710 --> 00:18:52,710
tushy?
477
00:18:53,220 --> 00:18:54,720
( giggling )
( giggling )
478
00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:56,220
( giggles )
479
00:18:56,220 --> 00:18:57,720
I'm warning you!
480
00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,220
If I come up there
481
00:18:59,220 --> 00:19:01,220
and that door
isn't open...
482
00:19:01,220 --> 00:19:02,730
Stop bothering us!
483
00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:06,730
I hate you!
I hate you!
484
00:19:12,230 --> 00:19:13,740
You're nice.
485
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:16,740
Um... thanks.
486
00:19:16,740 --> 00:19:17,740
You...
487
00:19:17,740 --> 00:19:19,740
excuse us one minute,
will ya?
488
00:19:22,740 --> 00:19:25,750
I think I know how to make
this whole thing go away.
489
00:19:26,250 --> 00:19:27,250
Really? How?
490
00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:29,250
Sleep with him.
491
00:19:31,250 --> 00:19:32,250
What?!
492
00:19:32,250 --> 00:19:33,760
Come on, come on!
493
00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:36,760
It will just be
three minutes tops,
trust me!
494
00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:38,760
Meanwhile,
I'll be downstairs
495
00:19:39,260 --> 00:19:40,760
diverting the Gorgon.
496
00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:42,260
Albie!
497
00:19:42,260 --> 00:19:44,770
Are your friends
staying for dinner?!
498
00:19:44,770 --> 00:19:47,270
( bellowing ):
We already got plans!
499
00:19:55,780 --> 00:19:57,280
Come on, come on.
500
00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:59,780
What do you say?
501
00:19:59,780 --> 00:20:00,780
What's going on?
502
00:20:00,780 --> 00:20:02,280
Are you guys having secrets?
503
00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:03,290
Aw... oh!
504
00:20:03,290 --> 00:20:04,790
Oh, no. No. You know
505
00:20:04,790 --> 00:20:06,290
we were just thinking...
506
00:20:06,290 --> 00:20:08,290
we would like to do
something for you.
507
00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:10,290
That a girl.
See you downstairs.
508
00:20:10,290 --> 00:20:11,790
Get back here!
509
00:20:13,300 --> 00:20:16,300
MOTHER:
What the hell was that?!
510
00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:19,800
Albie, was that
a spaceship?
511
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:21,300
Are you nuts?!
512
00:20:21,300 --> 00:20:22,810
Are you crazy?!
513
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:26,310
Leave us alone, you lunatic!
514
00:20:30,810 --> 00:20:32,810
Anyways, Albie,
515
00:20:32,810 --> 00:20:34,320
um, we were thinking
516
00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:37,320
that we would like to pay
all your medical bills
517
00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:39,820
until the doctor fixes
your... heinie.
518
00:20:39,820 --> 00:20:40,820
( forced giggle )
519
00:20:40,820 --> 00:20:41,820
( forced giggle )
520
00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:44,330
( giggles )
521
00:20:44,330 --> 00:20:45,830
And then,
we'd like to...
522
00:20:45,830 --> 00:20:47,830
give you a lifetime
pass to Brian's.
523
00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:50,830
See, that way
524
00:20:50,830 --> 00:20:52,830
any time you'd want to come
and party
525
00:20:52,830 --> 00:20:54,340
with the coolest
people on the island,
526
00:20:54,340 --> 00:20:55,840
well, you'll just
be our guest!
527
00:20:56,340 --> 00:20:58,340
Come on! Me with
all those groovy people
528
00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:00,340
and girls and stuff?
529
00:21:00,340 --> 00:21:01,340
No way!
530
00:21:01,340 --> 00:21:02,340
It's true.
531
00:21:02,340 --> 00:21:04,850
And all you have
to do for us
532
00:21:04,850 --> 00:21:07,850
is sign a little piece
of paper.
533
00:21:07,850 --> 00:21:09,350
It's called
a liability waiver,
534
00:21:09,850 --> 00:21:12,850
which says that you
don't hold us responsible
535
00:21:12,850 --> 00:21:13,860
for your... ( grunts )
536
00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:14,860
( laughs )
537
00:21:15,360 --> 00:21:16,360
( laughs )
538
00:21:16,860 --> 00:21:18,360
And then just pull up
a bar stool
539
00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:19,860
and join the jamboree, okay?
540
00:21:20,360 --> 00:21:21,860
Okay! Thanks.
541
00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:23,870
You're welcome, Albie.
542
00:21:23,870 --> 00:21:26,870
Is it okay if we come
right back with the papers?
543
00:21:26,870 --> 00:21:28,370
Sure. I'll sign
anything you want.
544
00:21:29,870 --> 00:21:32,370
I just have to run it
by my mother first.
545
00:21:37,380 --> 00:21:39,380
I still can't
believe it.
546
00:21:39,380 --> 00:21:40,880
Packed every night.
547
00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:41,880
Ah, we were right.
548
00:21:42,380 --> 00:21:44,390
This place
is a money machine.
549
00:21:44,390 --> 00:21:45,390
Albie!
550
00:21:45,890 --> 00:21:46,890
Albie,
over here!
551
00:21:46,890 --> 00:21:48,890
Please,
Albie!
552
00:21:48,890 --> 00:21:50,390
Sorry, kids.
553
00:21:50,390 --> 00:21:51,390
Uh, not tonight.
554
00:21:51,390 --> 00:21:53,900
( woman bellowing ):
Albie! Get inside!
555
00:21:53,900 --> 00:21:56,400
I need help
behind the bar!
556
00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:57,400
Leave me alone!
557
00:21:57,900 --> 00:22:00,400
I'm out here
with my friends!
558
00:22:07,410 --> 00:22:08,910
Now, remember:
If anybody asks
559
00:22:08,910 --> 00:22:11,410
we didn't go anywhere,
we didn't see anything.
560
00:22:11,410 --> 00:22:12,920
I'm not saying a word.
561
00:22:12,910 --> 00:22:15,420
Good, because they wouldn't
believe us anyway.
562
00:22:15,420 --> 00:22:17,920
Exactly. Much better to act
like nothing happened.
563
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:19,920
( voice cracking ):
Just business as usual.
564
00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:23,430
Okay. Well, I'll
see you later.
565
00:22:26,430 --> 00:22:28,430
Right.
38479
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