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1
00:00:06,590 --> 00:00:08,090
Look at this flyer
I just got
2
00:00:08,090 --> 00:00:10,590
for a singles mixer
at the community center.
3
00:00:10,590 --> 00:00:12,600
Oh, they stuck one
on your car, too?
4
00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:16,600
Yeah! What a pitiful way
to try and scrape up a date.
5
00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:18,100
Oh, I know.
6
00:00:18,100 --> 00:00:20,600
There's so many more civilized
ways to meet people,
7
00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:23,610
like dinner parties
or cruises...
8
00:00:23,610 --> 00:00:25,610
or jury duty.
9
00:00:27,110 --> 00:00:29,110
I once hung a jury
for three weeks
10
00:00:29,110 --> 00:00:32,620
until a certain good-looking
foreman said the magic words,
11
00:00:32,620 --> 00:00:36,120
"Oh, all right,
if it'll get us out of here."
12
00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:38,120
You know how I like
to meet women?
13
00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:42,130
By pretending I'm choking
in restaurants.
14
00:00:42,130 --> 00:00:46,130
Waitresses have to give you
the Heimlich. It's the law.
15
00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:48,630
Of course, I always manage
to cough up a little something
16
00:00:48,630 --> 00:00:50,130
so I don't look like an idiot.
17
00:00:51,630 --> 00:00:53,140
How hard up
do you have to be
18
00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:55,640
to drag yourself to some
stupid singles mixer?
19
00:00:55,640 --> 00:00:58,640
Hey, look at this great party
I got invited to.
20
00:00:59,140 --> 00:01:01,140
"If you're single,
come and mingle
21
00:01:01,140 --> 00:01:04,150
meet the special someone
who will make you tingle."
22
00:01:04,150 --> 00:01:05,650
Can you believe it?
23
00:01:05,650 --> 00:01:07,150
Me, Antonio Scarpacci--
24
00:01:07,150 --> 00:01:11,150
how did I finally make it
on the "A" list?
25
00:01:11,150 --> 00:01:12,660
You had a windshield.
26
00:01:20,660 --> 00:01:22,170
Oh, Joe, these just came.
27
00:01:22,170 --> 00:01:24,670
Thank you
for my anniversary flowers.
28
00:01:24,670 --> 00:01:27,670
Thank you for my
anniversary flowers.
29
00:01:28,170 --> 00:01:29,670
Helen, do you realize
30
00:01:29,670 --> 00:01:34,180
that this is the only place
we get any privacy anymore?
31
00:01:34,180 --> 00:01:35,680
Let's take advantage of it.
32
00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:36,680
Happy anniversary.
33
00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:38,680
Oh... happy anniversary.
34
00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:40,180
Hey, guys, we're
ordering in
35
00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:42,690
Chinese takeout tonight
for the four of us,
36
00:01:42,690 --> 00:01:44,690
and we need some money.
37
00:01:46,190 --> 00:01:48,190
Wow! Look at those
gorgeous flowers.
38
00:01:48,190 --> 00:01:50,190
And when you buy
the big one, what--
39
00:01:50,190 --> 00:01:52,200
do you get that little
dinky one for free?
40
00:01:53,700 --> 00:01:56,700
Uh, anyway,
we were thinking
41
00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:58,700
Buddha's Veggie Feast
for the women,
42
00:01:58,700 --> 00:01:59,700
and then you and I
could just share
43
00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:01,200
the Szechwan pork.
44
00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:02,710
Right, Joe?
45
00:02:02,710 --> 00:02:04,710
Pork? Didn't you
see Babe?
46
00:02:04,710 --> 00:02:06,210
Have you learned
nothing?
47
00:02:06,210 --> 00:02:08,210
Hey, I love Babe...
48
00:02:08,210 --> 00:02:10,710
on a plate with a little
sweet and sour sauce.
49
00:02:10,710 --> 00:02:12,720
Hey, Joe?
Huh? Huh?
50
00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:14,220
Brian, we're not having
Chinese tonight.
51
00:02:14,220 --> 00:02:15,720
It's our anniversary.
52
00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:17,720
We're going to the 'Sconset Inn.
53
00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:18,720
Oh, even better.
54
00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:19,720
I love the
'Sconset Inn.
55
00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:21,220
We forgot
to tell you
56
00:02:21,220 --> 00:02:23,230
one little thing
about our dinner plans.
57
00:02:23,230 --> 00:02:25,230
Yeah. We're going
to the 'Sconset Inn,
58
00:02:25,230 --> 00:02:27,230
and guess who's
going to be there?
59
00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:28,730
Not you!
60
00:02:28,730 --> 00:02:30,230
And then after dinner,
61
00:02:30,230 --> 00:02:31,230
we're gonna take
a romantic stroll
62
00:02:31,230 --> 00:02:32,740
along the pier with...
63
00:02:32,740 --> 00:02:34,240
Again, not you!
64
00:02:34,740 --> 00:02:35,740
Then we're gonna
go home,
65
00:02:35,740 --> 00:02:37,240
we're gonna open
a bottle of wine
66
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:38,240
and we're gonna
crawl into bed...
67
00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:40,240
So not with you.
68
00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:42,750
Guys, give us a break.
69
00:02:42,750 --> 00:02:43,750
We need some privacy.
70
00:02:43,750 --> 00:02:45,750
We have been stuck
living with you
71
00:02:45,750 --> 00:02:47,250
under the same roof
for a year.
72
00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:50,250
Okay, okay.
I hear you, I hear you.
73
00:02:50,250 --> 00:02:53,260
You know, a quiet,
romantic dinner for two
74
00:02:53,260 --> 00:02:56,760
at the 'Sconset Inn--
that's one way to go...
75
00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:59,760
or-- and I think you're gonna
get a big kick out of this--
76
00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:01,760
the girls go ahead
to the house,
77
00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:02,770
they fire up the barbecue,
78
00:03:02,770 --> 00:03:04,270
you and I go on a beer run,
79
00:03:04,270 --> 00:03:06,770
we pick up a six-pack
and some dogs...
80
00:03:06,770 --> 00:03:08,770
We really have ourselves
a party, huh?!
81
00:03:10,270 --> 00:03:12,780
Now, that says
"anniversary."
82
00:03:18,280 --> 00:03:21,280
Well, that was just rude
for the sake of rude.
83
00:03:21,780 --> 00:03:23,290
So what are we
doing tonight?
84
00:03:23,290 --> 00:03:24,290
Well...
85
00:03:24,790 --> 00:03:26,790
Hey, that movie Unzipped
is playing downtown.
86
00:03:26,790 --> 00:03:27,790
Unzipped--
87
00:03:28,290 --> 00:03:29,790
I'm intrigued.
88
00:03:29,790 --> 00:03:31,290
Um... it's a documentary
89
00:03:31,290 --> 00:03:34,300
about Isaac Mizrahi,
the fashion designer.
90
00:03:34,300 --> 00:03:37,300
It follows his spring line
from sketches to the runway,
91
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,300
and then it shows
how he dazzled New York
92
00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:42,310
with his use of faux fur.
93
00:03:42,310 --> 00:03:47,310
Or... I could beat myself
senseless with my own fist.
94
00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:49,310
Brian, Casey,
I need your help.
95
00:03:49,310 --> 00:03:52,320
I'm going to this big
singles mixer tonight,
96
00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:55,320
and I was planning to wear
a turtleneck with a blazer.
97
00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:58,320
What do you think,
too "playboy after dark"?
98
00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:01,320
Whoa, whoa. Back up there, Hef.
99
00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:03,830
You're going to singles mixer?
100
00:04:03,830 --> 00:04:04,830
Got a personal invite.
101
00:04:04,830 --> 00:04:05,830
They put it
102
00:04:05,830 --> 00:04:07,330
under my left wiper blade
103
00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:09,330
where they knew
I wouldn't miss it.
104
00:04:09,330 --> 00:04:11,840
Antonio, you can't go
to this, man.
105
00:04:11,830 --> 00:04:13,840
I mean, it's going to be a room
106
00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:16,340
filled with pathetic, desperate,
lonely people.
107
00:04:16,340 --> 00:04:18,340
Add "horny" and I'm their boy.
108
00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:22,850
A "singles mingle"--
can you believe that?
109
00:04:22,850 --> 00:04:24,850
That's-That's as low
as it gets.
110
00:04:24,850 --> 00:04:26,850
I think we should go.
111
00:04:26,850 --> 00:04:28,350
Are you insane?
112
00:04:28,350 --> 00:04:30,350
Brian, you're such a coward.
113
00:04:30,350 --> 00:04:32,360
I mean, you never take a chance.
114
00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:35,360
You just sit there
in your small, little world,
115
00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:39,360
eating your greasy takeout
and watching life pass you by.
116
00:04:39,360 --> 00:04:40,860
You're right.
117
00:04:40,860 --> 00:04:42,870
I do do that...
118
00:04:42,870 --> 00:04:45,870
because I like it!
119
00:04:48,370 --> 00:04:49,870
And I'll tell you, I'm going
to do the same thing tonight
120
00:04:50,370 --> 00:04:51,370
because I don't care
whose anniversary it is,
121
00:04:51,370 --> 00:04:54,380
I live there, too, and nobody's
going to kick me out.
122
00:04:54,380 --> 00:04:56,380
BRIAN:
Hey, Joey,
here's my final offer.
123
00:04:59,380 --> 00:05:00,880
8:00 good for you?
124
00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:01,880
Perfect.
125
00:05:04,390 --> 00:05:07,390
(thunder crashing)
126
00:05:07,390 --> 00:05:09,390
(both groaning)
127
00:05:09,390 --> 00:05:11,390
Great...
128
00:05:11,390 --> 00:05:15,400
Worst storm of the year,
I'm at a singles mingle--
129
00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:16,900
it's a sign, I tell you.
130
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:20,400
If the ocean turns to blood,
I'll know the end is nigh.
131
00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:22,910
Brian, I'm a little more
than sick of your attitude.
132
00:05:23,410 --> 00:05:25,410
If you don't want to be here,
why don't you just leave?
133
00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:28,410
You take one step
and I'll kill you.
134
00:05:28,410 --> 00:05:29,910
All right,
all right, look...
135
00:05:29,910 --> 00:05:31,910
before we go inside there
136
00:05:31,910 --> 00:05:34,920
and take a ride
on "It's a sad world"...
137
00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:37,920
I think we should come up
with, uh, some sort of code--
138
00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:39,420
you know, something that says,
139
00:05:39,420 --> 00:05:41,420
"I hate this, I told you so,
let's go."
140
00:05:41,420 --> 00:05:43,430
Fair enough.
Okay, let's see...
141
00:05:43,430 --> 00:05:45,930
it should be something subtle
but to the point.
142
00:05:45,930 --> 00:05:47,930
"Belly button."
143
00:05:47,930 --> 00:05:50,930
What? Use it in a sentence.
144
00:05:50,930 --> 00:05:53,440
Let's get the belly button
out of here.
145
00:05:53,940 --> 00:05:54,940
Oh, God, Brian,
146
00:05:54,940 --> 00:05:57,440
give this a
chance, will you?
147
00:05:57,440 --> 00:06:00,940
Well, hello,
you two sexy singles!
148
00:06:00,940 --> 00:06:02,450
Belly button.
149
00:06:03,950 --> 00:06:05,450
Hi! I'm Carol.
150
00:06:05,450 --> 00:06:07,950
Welcome to my Singles
Mingle, a magical night
151
00:06:07,950 --> 00:06:09,950
that could change
your life forever.
152
00:06:09,950 --> 00:06:12,460
(coldly):
That's four bucks a pop.
153
00:06:12,460 --> 00:06:13,460
No refunds.
154
00:06:13,460 --> 00:06:16,960
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
No pay, no peek.
155
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:18,960
All right, look,
the only reason we're here
156
00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:20,460
is because
it's my brother's anniversary
157
00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:21,960
and we got kicked
out of the house.
158
00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:23,470
I don't need this
to meet women.
159
00:06:23,470 --> 00:06:25,470
It's okay.
We're not here to judge.
160
00:06:25,470 --> 00:06:28,470
I'm sure you braved a torrential
downpour and gale-force winds
161
00:06:28,970 --> 00:06:31,470
because you have
a full social life.
162
00:06:31,470 --> 00:06:33,480
Just pay the lady.
163
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:34,980
Oh... damn!
(thunder crashing)
164
00:06:34,980 --> 00:06:36,480
I forgot my wallet.
165
00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:37,480
Oh, well....
166
00:06:37,980 --> 00:06:38,480
Uh, no.
167
00:06:38,980 --> 00:06:41,480
Uh, that'll be for...
168
00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:42,990
two.
169
00:06:42,990 --> 00:06:43,990
There you go.
All right.
170
00:06:43,990 --> 00:06:45,490
Now, what are your names?
171
00:06:45,490 --> 00:06:46,490
It's Casey...
172
00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:48,990
Oh, no, no, no.
No, No name tags.
173
00:06:51,990 --> 00:06:54,500
Wally.
174
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,500
Have fun, Wally.
175
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:01,000
Look.
176
00:07:01,500 --> 00:07:04,510
I'm wearing a name tag.
177
00:07:05,010 --> 00:07:06,010
I've crossed a line
178
00:07:06,510 --> 00:07:10,010
and there's no turning back.
179
00:07:10,010 --> 00:07:12,520
Come! Walk with me.
180
00:07:19,020 --> 00:07:21,020
(thunder crashing)
181
00:07:24,030 --> 00:07:26,030
Hello... uh, Casey.
182
00:07:26,030 --> 00:07:29,030
Oh. Hi... Mike.
183
00:07:29,030 --> 00:07:31,030
This isn't too
awkward, is it?
184
00:07:31,030 --> 00:07:33,040
You read my mind.
185
00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:38,040
So, um,
what do you do, Mike?
186
00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:40,540
Well, I'm a partner
in a law firm,
187
00:07:40,540 --> 00:07:43,050
but my real passion
is music.
188
00:07:43,050 --> 00:07:46,050
I play piano in a jazz band
a couple of nights a week.
189
00:07:46,550 --> 00:07:49,550
Really?! I love jazz.
190
00:07:49,550 --> 00:07:50,550
No kidding?
191
00:07:50,550 --> 00:07:52,060
(strained grunt)
192
00:07:56,060 --> 00:08:00,560
Uh, yeah. I'm actually
a big fan of Miles Davis.
193
00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:02,070
Me, too.
194
00:08:02,060 --> 00:08:05,070
I love his album
Birth of the Cool.
195
00:08:05,070 --> 00:08:06,570
(strained grunt)
196
00:08:11,070 --> 00:08:13,580
Right. That's the one
where he does
197
00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:15,580
that great
20-minute version of...
198
00:08:15,580 --> 00:08:17,580
belly button!
199
00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:20,080
Sure. Yeah, yeah.
200
00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:22,590
Longhorn cheddar
is, uh...
201
00:08:22,590 --> 00:08:25,590
is a great...
is a great cheese.
202
00:08:25,590 --> 00:08:27,090
Would you excuse me, please?
203
00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:29,090
Belly button,
belly button!
204
00:08:29,090 --> 00:08:30,090
Are you deaf?
205
00:08:30,090 --> 00:08:31,090
All right, just shh.
206
00:08:31,090 --> 00:08:32,600
Just grab my arm
and start running,
207
00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:34,600
but just know
that if you fall,
208
00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:36,600
I'm leaving you for dead.
209
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:38,600
CASEY:
Oh!
210
00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:41,100
Now there's a single
worth mingling with.
211
00:08:41,100 --> 00:08:42,610
Hey, hey!
We both belly buttoned.
212
00:08:43,110 --> 00:08:44,610
You can't leave me alone.
213
00:08:44,610 --> 00:08:45,610
You're not alone.
214
00:08:45,610 --> 00:08:46,610
Hi, Edwin.
215
00:08:46,610 --> 00:08:48,110
Meet Casey.
216
00:08:50,610 --> 00:08:52,620
Hi, Casey.
217
00:08:52,620 --> 00:08:56,120
You're way too pretty
to be at a party like this.
218
00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:59,120
Oh. Well, thank you, Edwin.
219
00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:01,620
That's very sweet.
220
00:09:01,620 --> 00:09:03,630
Hooker, huh?
221
00:09:05,130 --> 00:09:06,130
Uh, hi there.
222
00:09:06,130 --> 00:09:07,630
Hello. What'll it be?
223
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:09,630
You know, I'd love
a margarita,
224
00:09:09,630 --> 00:09:12,640
and I know a great place
where we can go get one.
225
00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:15,140
Thanks, but I'm not
supposed to socialize
226
00:09:15,140 --> 00:09:16,640
with the guests.
227
00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:19,140
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
You think I'm one of them?
228
00:09:19,140 --> 00:09:20,640
One of the desperate ones?
229
00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:22,650
No, no, no, no.
I'm not a guest.
230
00:09:22,650 --> 00:09:25,150
I'm just here to keep a friend
of mine company, that's all.
231
00:09:25,150 --> 00:09:27,150
Oh, sure you are...
232
00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:29,650
Wally.
233
00:09:29,650 --> 00:09:33,160
No, no, no. They make you
put this on at the door.
234
00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:35,160
Wally's not even
my real name.
235
00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:38,160
Oh! What's on this thing?
Cement?
236
00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:40,160
Ah! You got to believe me.
237
00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:41,660
I don't belong here.
238
00:09:41,660 --> 00:09:43,170
Hey, buddy.
239
00:09:43,170 --> 00:09:46,170
I should have known
I'd see you here.
240
00:09:46,170 --> 00:09:47,670
You dog! Huh?!
241
00:09:49,670 --> 00:09:51,170
Oh, that's great
timing, Antonio.
242
00:09:51,170 --> 00:09:54,180
You just blew my chances
with that bartender!
243
00:09:54,180 --> 00:09:55,680
Okay. A little advice--
244
00:09:55,680 --> 00:09:58,180
don't take it personally.
245
00:09:58,180 --> 00:10:00,180
That was always
my problem.
246
00:10:00,180 --> 00:10:01,680
I was too sensitive.
247
00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:02,690
Look around.
248
00:10:02,690 --> 00:10:05,190
This room is a sea of babes.
249
00:10:05,190 --> 00:10:08,690
One rejects you,
it's, "No problem. Next."
250
00:10:09,690 --> 00:10:11,190
Okay. Ground rules:
251
00:10:11,190 --> 00:10:13,700
Tonight, you don't
look at me,
252
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:15,200
you don't talk to me,
253
00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:16,700
you don't come near me.
You got it?
254
00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:20,700
No problem, because I'm not
going to take that personally.
255
00:10:20,700 --> 00:10:22,210
Hi, there, pretty lady.
256
00:10:24,210 --> 00:10:25,210
Your loss.
257
00:10:25,210 --> 00:10:27,210
Moving on. Next.
258
00:10:27,210 --> 00:10:29,210
Hey, pal.
How you doing?
259
00:10:29,210 --> 00:10:30,710
Hey, that's Edwin,
isn't it?
260
00:10:31,210 --> 00:10:32,720
Edwin, my man.
261
00:10:33,220 --> 00:10:35,720
Lenny, you're looking good.
262
00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:36,720
EDWIN:
Oh, great.
263
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:40,720
Roy's here. The rest of us
don't stand a chance.
264
00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:43,230
All right, everyone.
265
00:10:43,230 --> 00:10:46,230
Let the dames begin.
266
00:10:46,230 --> 00:10:48,730
Whoa. Exqueeze me.
267
00:10:48,730 --> 00:10:50,730
Fox at 12:00.
268
00:10:52,230 --> 00:10:53,240
Hello.
269
00:10:53,740 --> 00:10:56,240
I got an itch only
you can scratch.
270
00:10:57,740 --> 00:11:00,240
(yells)
271
00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:03,750
Oh-oh-okay! I'm here because,
believe it or not,
272
00:11:03,750 --> 00:11:05,750
I have nothing else to do.
273
00:11:05,750 --> 00:11:07,250
But why, why, why...
274
00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:08,750
Oh, relax. Haven't you
ever seen anyone
275
00:11:08,750 --> 00:11:11,250
try a new look before?
276
00:11:11,250 --> 00:11:13,760
Got your butt over here,
didn't it?
277
00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:17,260
Woo! Cochran, what is that
perfume you're wearing?
278
00:11:17,260 --> 00:11:18,260
Whoa.
279
00:11:18,260 --> 00:11:20,260
It's called "Come Hither."
280
00:11:20,260 --> 00:11:22,770
It's made
with sheep pheromones.
281
00:11:22,770 --> 00:11:25,270
They're known to attract
the opposite sex.
282
00:11:25,270 --> 00:11:27,770
Of what species?
283
00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:29,770
(strained grunt)
284
00:11:31,270 --> 00:11:33,280
Well, it seems
to be working.
285
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:40,280
Hey. You're a tall
drink of water, aren't you?
286
00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:42,280
Beat it, worm.
287
00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:44,290
Ouch! Not.
288
00:11:49,790 --> 00:11:52,800
Well, well, Hackett,
I'm glad to see
289
00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:54,300
you're not letting a little
thing like a marriage
290
00:11:54,300 --> 00:11:56,300
get in the way
of your social life.
291
00:11:56,300 --> 00:11:57,800
Relax, Roy.
Brian forgot his wallet.
292
00:11:58,300 --> 00:11:59,800
I came here
to give it to him.
293
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:02,310
Believe me, this is the
last place in the world
I want to be tonight.
294
00:12:02,300 --> 00:12:04,310
ROY:
Uh-oh. Too late,
Hackett.
295
00:12:04,310 --> 00:12:06,310
You're busted.
296
00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:07,810
Joe, a little help, here.
297
00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:09,310
Hey, guys, give the
lady some space.
298
00:12:09,310 --> 00:12:11,310
Gosh, what's taking
so long?
299
00:12:11,310 --> 00:12:12,820
Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!
300
00:12:12,820 --> 00:12:14,320
I get it!
301
00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:16,320
Swingles, huh?
302
00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:19,320
You better take off
those wedding rings.
303
00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:20,820
This crowd finds out
you're married,
304
00:12:20,820 --> 00:12:21,820
they'll tear you apart.
305
00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:23,830
However, this crowd...
306
00:12:23,830 --> 00:12:27,330
knock twice and say
you'd like to file jointly.
307
00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:28,330
'Nuff said.
308
00:12:29,830 --> 00:12:31,330
Come on.
Let's find Brian
309
00:12:31,330 --> 00:12:32,840
and get out of here before
the weather gets any worse.
310
00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:34,340
There he is.
Brian.
311
00:12:34,340 --> 00:12:36,340
Oh! Great. You've come
to take me home.
312
00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:37,840
Wait right here.
I'll just get my things.
313
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:41,340
No, no. Not so fast,
there... Wally.
314
00:12:41,340 --> 00:12:43,350
I just wanted to give you this.
315
00:12:43,350 --> 00:12:44,850
Didn't want you
to have any excuse
316
00:12:44,850 --> 00:12:45,850
to come home early
and ruin our evening.
317
00:12:45,850 --> 00:12:46,850
Okay, enough chitchat.
318
00:12:46,850 --> 00:12:48,350
See you, Wally.
Let's go, Joe.
319
00:12:48,350 --> 00:12:49,850
(thunder crashing)
320
00:12:49,850 --> 00:12:51,350
I'm sorry,
but you can't leave.
321
00:12:51,350 --> 00:12:52,350
Don't take me on, lady.
322
00:12:52,860 --> 00:12:53,860
No, I mean
the storm's gotten worse.
323
00:12:53,860 --> 00:12:55,360
It's really bad out there.
324
00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:57,860
Oh. And in here
it's Mardi Gras?
325
00:12:57,860 --> 00:12:59,360
The road's washed out.
326
00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:01,860
No one's going anywhere
for quite a while.
327
00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:10,870
(thunder crashing)
328
00:13:10,870 --> 00:13:14,880
Here's Mother and me
in Atlantic City.
329
00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:18,880
Here's Mother and me at
the Club Med in Cancun.
330
00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:21,880
And here's
Mother and me
331
00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:24,890
on our Caribbean vacation...
332
00:13:24,890 --> 00:13:27,890
with her boyfriend!
333
00:13:31,890 --> 00:13:33,400
(thunder rumbling)
334
00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:34,900
Excuse me.
335
00:13:34,900 --> 00:13:35,900
Joe...
Helen,
336
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:36,900
I got some
really bad news.
337
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:38,900
It is pouring out there.
338
00:13:38,900 --> 00:13:40,400
The whole driveway is flooded.
339
00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:42,400
I couldn't even make it to
the car. We're stuck here.
340
00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:44,910
You listen to me--
this is our anniversary,
341
00:13:44,910 --> 00:13:48,410
and I am not spending it here
at "Ripley's Believe It Or Not."
342
00:13:48,410 --> 00:13:50,410
Look, Helen,
let's face it,
343
00:13:50,410 --> 00:13:52,920
I don't want to be here
any more than you do,
344
00:13:52,920 --> 00:13:54,420
but we have no choice.
345
00:13:54,420 --> 00:13:55,920
Great.
346
00:13:56,420 --> 00:13:57,420
It's my anniversary,
347
00:13:57,420 --> 00:13:59,420
and I'm spending it
at a single's mingle
348
00:13:59,420 --> 00:14:01,920
because you had
to bring Brian his wallet.
349
00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:04,430
Wait a minute, are you
saying this is my fault?
No, not at all.
350
00:14:04,430 --> 00:14:07,430
All I'm saying is we wouldn't
be here if it weren't for you.
351
00:14:07,430 --> 00:14:08,930
You know what?
I resent that.
352
00:14:08,930 --> 00:14:11,430
Our anniversary is as important
to me as it is to you.
353
00:14:11,430 --> 00:14:13,940
Oh, really? You wouldn't
know that by the flowers.
354
00:14:13,940 --> 00:14:15,940
What's that
supposed to mean?
355
00:14:15,940 --> 00:14:17,440
All I'm saying is
356
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:18,940
on her wedding anniversary,
357
00:14:18,940 --> 00:14:21,940
what girl wouldn't dream
of a cup of daisies?
358
00:14:21,940 --> 00:14:23,950
Oh, really?
359
00:14:23,950 --> 00:14:26,450
Well, did you take the
time to read that cup?
360
00:14:26,450 --> 00:14:29,950
Garfield says some
very romantic things.
361
00:14:29,950 --> 00:14:32,460
Oh, I'm glad you guys
are still here.
362
00:14:32,450 --> 00:14:34,460
I'd like you
to meet Bob.
363
00:14:34,460 --> 00:14:36,960
We've been having
the loveliest chat.
364
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:38,460
Hey, Bob...
365
00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:39,460
Hi.
366
00:14:39,460 --> 00:14:40,960
(sniffing)
367
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:43,470
What is that stench?
368
00:14:43,470 --> 00:14:45,470
God, is there
a wet farm animal in here?
369
00:14:45,470 --> 00:14:46,470
(clinking)
370
00:14:46,470 --> 00:14:48,470
Oop, Bob, dropped something.
Oh, uh...
371
00:14:48,470 --> 00:14:50,470
A wedding ring?
You're married?!
372
00:14:50,470 --> 00:14:51,970
(crowd shouting)
Shh...
373
00:14:51,970 --> 00:14:53,980
Okay, pal,
you know the rules--
374
00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:56,480
you come in married,
you go out carried.
375
00:14:56,480 --> 00:14:57,480
Start walking.
376
00:14:58,480 --> 00:14:59,980
I don't know you.
377
00:14:59,980 --> 00:15:01,480
We never met.
378
00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:02,990
(thunder crashing,
crowd gasping)
379
00:15:02,990 --> 00:15:04,490
CAROL:
Don't panic.
Everyone stay calm.
380
00:15:04,490 --> 00:15:05,990
It's just the storm.
381
00:15:05,990 --> 00:15:08,490
Did I mention
there are no refunds?
382
00:15:09,990 --> 00:15:13,500
Joe, there's someone else
I want you to meet.
383
00:15:13,500 --> 00:15:15,500
I can't believe
she's still available.
384
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,000
Joe, this is Fay.
385
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:19,000
(thunder crashes,
both screaming)
386
00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:22,000
(both screaming)
387
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:24,510
You know
what's really funny?
388
00:15:24,510 --> 00:15:29,010
You think that I need
this mingle to meet women.
389
00:15:29,010 --> 00:15:31,510
Well, that is
just hysterical.
390
00:15:31,510 --> 00:15:33,520
(maniacal laughter)
391
00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:39,520
Because I can meet
any woman I want.
392
00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:41,020
And you know why?
393
00:15:41,020 --> 00:15:46,030
Because I'm a smart,
sexy, sensitive guy.
394
00:15:46,030 --> 00:15:49,030
You don't do
better than me.
395
00:15:49,030 --> 00:15:53,040
I've got women begging
to go out with me.
396
00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:56,540
Please! Please!
Be one of those women!
397
00:15:58,040 --> 00:15:59,540
Look, Wally...
398
00:15:59,540 --> 00:16:02,040
My name is not Wally!
399
00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:03,550
I'm not a Wally!
400
00:16:03,550 --> 00:16:06,050
Do not call me Wally!
401
00:16:09,050 --> 00:16:11,050
(sniffing)
402
00:16:13,060 --> 00:16:15,560
What is that horrible smell?
403
00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:19,060
Oh, my God.
404
00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:21,060
I've got the stink.
405
00:16:24,070 --> 00:16:26,070
The stink of desperation.
406
00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:32,570
Well, "worthless little weasel"
is a bit strong,
407
00:16:32,570 --> 00:16:34,580
but hey, no problem.
408
00:16:34,580 --> 00:16:36,080
(thunder crashing)
409
00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:39,080
(sobbing):
What's wrong with me?!
410
00:16:40,580 --> 00:16:43,590
Well, time to break some hearts.
411
00:16:44,590 --> 00:16:46,090
Attention, everyone,
pick a partner.
412
00:16:46,090 --> 00:16:48,590
It's time for the
multiplication dance.
413
00:16:48,590 --> 00:16:50,590
(crowd cheering)
414
00:16:50,590 --> 00:16:53,100
(big band music playing)
415
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:01,600
Look, Helen,
I don't want to fight.
416
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:03,110
Oh, me either.
417
00:17:03,110 --> 00:17:05,110
Joe, I'm sorry I snapped
at you earlier.
418
00:17:05,110 --> 00:17:08,610
It's just that this is not what
I pictured for our anniversary.
419
00:17:08,610 --> 00:17:10,110
I know, I know.
420
00:17:10,110 --> 00:17:11,610
But, look, at least
we're together.
421
00:17:11,610 --> 00:17:13,120
Change!
422
00:17:13,120 --> 00:17:15,120
Hey, wait a minute,
what are you doing?
423
00:17:15,120 --> 00:17:16,620
I was dancing with her.
424
00:17:16,620 --> 00:17:18,120
It's the multiplication dance.
425
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:20,120
When Carol yells "change,"
we switch partners.
426
00:17:20,120 --> 00:17:22,120
That way we all
get a taste.
427
00:17:23,130 --> 00:17:24,630
Hey, hey, just...
428
00:17:24,630 --> 00:17:28,130
keep your hands
where I can see them.
429
00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:30,130
Hi. Would you like to..?
430
00:17:30,630 --> 00:17:32,130
Excuse me, but...
431
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:35,640
No, huh?
432
00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:37,640
Looking good.
433
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:40,640
And here's a picture
of Mother and me
434
00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:42,140
at the mineral baths.
435
00:17:42,140 --> 00:17:45,150
(thunder crashing,
Helen screams)
436
00:17:45,150 --> 00:17:46,650
CAROL:
Change!
437
00:17:46,650 --> 00:17:49,150
Oh, thank you, Carol.
438
00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:56,160
Look, no more tag.
439
00:18:00,660 --> 00:18:02,160
Wally is dead.
440
00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:04,670
Now, will you go out with me?
441
00:18:04,670 --> 00:18:07,170
Look, Wally, you're not
an unattractive guy.
442
00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:09,170
Just don't try so hard.
443
00:18:09,170 --> 00:18:11,670
I mean, you come off
a little desperate.
444
00:18:11,670 --> 00:18:14,680
(scoffs)
Me, desperate?
445
00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:16,680
Yeah, right.
(thunder crashing)
446
00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:18,680
Oh, man!
447
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:20,680
I'm such a loser...
448
00:18:25,190 --> 00:18:27,690
Change!
449
00:18:29,690 --> 00:18:32,690
I've been watching you
all night, Antonio,
450
00:18:32,690 --> 00:18:35,200
and I'm going
to do something
I've never done
451
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:38,200
in the 20 years
I've been running
Singles Mingles.
452
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:39,700
Oh, really?
453
00:18:39,700 --> 00:18:42,700
You've... You've been
saving me for yourself, huh?
454
00:18:42,700 --> 00:18:45,210
No. I'm giving
you a refund.
455
00:18:46,710 --> 00:18:49,210
And there's another
20 in it for you
456
00:18:49,210 --> 00:18:52,210
if you'll wait
out the storm
in my office.
457
00:18:52,210 --> 00:18:54,220
All right! Party of one
heading for the office.
458
00:18:54,220 --> 00:18:56,720
(thunder crashing)
459
00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:58,720
I'll be back!
460
00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:01,220
And I know all your names!
461
00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:03,730
Bye-bye.
462
00:19:05,230 --> 00:19:07,730
All righty,
everyone gather 'round
463
00:19:07,730 --> 00:19:09,730
for the midnight mingle's
raffle.
464
00:19:11,730 --> 00:19:14,240
Look, Joe.
465
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:17,240
In two minutes,
our anniversary will be over.
466
00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:20,240
I can't believe
we spent it here.
467
00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:22,240
Okay, look, I'll tell you what--
we'll go out tomorrow night,
468
00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:23,750
we'll pretend that's
our anniversary
469
00:19:23,750 --> 00:19:25,250
and none of this
ever happened.
470
00:19:25,250 --> 00:19:27,750
It happened, Joe.
Face it.
471
00:19:27,750 --> 00:19:30,250
I mean, you only get
one first anniversary
472
00:19:30,250 --> 00:19:32,760
in your entire life,
and ours is ruined.
473
00:19:32,750 --> 00:19:35,260
The lucky winners
of a romantic dinner for two
474
00:19:35,260 --> 00:19:37,260
at the 'Sconset Inn are...
475
00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:39,760
Mike...
476
00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:41,760
Okay, look, I know
that we wanted
477
00:19:41,760 --> 00:19:44,270
to spend the evening
alone together.
478
00:19:44,770 --> 00:19:46,270
Didn't happen,
479
00:19:46,270 --> 00:19:47,770
but nobody
is going keep me
480
00:19:47,770 --> 00:19:50,270
from giving you
an anniversary kiss.
481
00:19:50,270 --> 00:19:52,270
Well, you better do it
while no one's looking.
482
00:19:52,270 --> 00:19:54,280
And our lucky gal is Helen!
483
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:55,780
Oh, perfect!
484
00:20:03,790 --> 00:20:05,790
I was really hoping
it would be...
485
00:20:05,790 --> 00:20:07,790
(grunting)... you.
486
00:20:07,790 --> 00:20:09,790
It's a match!
487
00:20:09,790 --> 00:20:12,290
And don't they make
a cute couple?
488
00:20:12,290 --> 00:20:14,300
Mike, Helen,
how about a dance?
489
00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:18,300
It could be the first dance
of the rest of your lives.
490
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:22,800
("In the Mood" playing)
491
00:20:26,810 --> 00:20:28,810
Wait a minute.
492
00:20:28,810 --> 00:20:32,810
He's not dancing with her
and he's not taking her out.
493
00:20:32,810 --> 00:20:34,320
I've got something
I want to say
494
00:20:34,820 --> 00:20:36,820
and don't care
what you people think.
495
00:20:36,820 --> 00:20:38,820
Helen and I are married...
496
00:20:38,820 --> 00:20:40,320
(crowd gasping)
497
00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:43,830
...married to the idea that
singles mingles really work.
498
00:20:43,830 --> 00:20:46,830
I know now that you can
look across a room like this
499
00:20:46,830 --> 00:20:48,830
and see the person
you want to spend
500
00:20:48,830 --> 00:20:50,330
the rest of
your life with,
501
00:20:50,330 --> 00:20:53,340
just like I'm doing
right now.
502
00:20:53,340 --> 00:20:56,340
Helen, I've wanted
to be alone with
you all night.
503
00:20:56,340 --> 00:21:00,840
And I want to be alone with you
for the rest of my life.
504
00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:04,850
I know this is kind of sudden,
but will you marry me?
505
00:21:04,850 --> 00:21:06,850
(crowd sighing)
506
00:21:08,850 --> 00:21:10,350
I love you so much.
507
00:21:10,350 --> 00:21:12,350
Yes, I'll marry you.
508
00:21:12,350 --> 00:21:13,860
It's a match!
509
00:21:13,860 --> 00:21:17,360
And don't they make
a cute couple?
510
00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:19,360
Joe, Helen,
it's time
511
00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:22,870
for the first dance...
of the rest of your lives.
512
00:21:25,370 --> 00:21:28,370
(music resumes)
513
00:21:28,370 --> 00:21:30,870
(thunder crashing)
514
00:21:30,870 --> 00:21:33,380
BRIAN (sobbing):
I'm so lonely!
515
00:21:33,380 --> 00:21:36,380
WOMAN:
Nobody loves
a really big woman!
516
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:39,880
EDWIN:
When will Mother die?!
517
00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:42,380
JOE:
Happy anniversary, honey.
518
00:21:42,380 --> 00:21:44,390
HELEN:
Happy anniversary, Joe.
36137
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