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1
00:00:00,010 --> 00:00:02,170
(SOFT ROCK MUSIC)
2
00:00:02,210 --> 00:00:05,050
(GROANING, MOANING)
3
00:00:09,930 --> 00:00:10,930
Harder!
4
00:00:12,444 --> 00:00:14,764
Fucking amateur hour. Harder.
5
00:00:15,564 --> 00:00:17,084
Turn.
6
00:00:17,124 --> 00:00:19,204
No - Art section. Art.
7
00:00:19,244 --> 00:00:20,764
What's the Swedish for 'Art'?
8
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We are German Mr Barnard.
9
00:00:22,764 --> 00:00:26,164
Mama, die Kunst.
Kuntz. Kuntz.
10
00:00:27,804 --> 00:00:30,764
No wait - back! Stoppen.
11
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Money
12
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Oh no you fucking don't!
13
00:00:42,404 --> 00:00:45,164
The best things in life are free
14
00:00:45,204 --> 00:00:48,324
Liz? Lizabeth? You lazy dickhead.
15
00:00:48,364 --> 00:00:50,644
Come and help me with
these fucking boxes of cri...
16
00:00:51,524 --> 00:00:55,364
Hey, what the fuck you playing at.
You don't work 'ere.
17
00:00:55,404 --> 00:00:58,044
Mum's at the doctors.Oh Mum's
at doc- alright Mum's at doctors.
18
00:00:58,084 --> 00:00:59,804
Right, I'm sorry
to inform you this love.
19
00:00:59,844 --> 00:01:01,604
But you don't inherit
the fucking job.
20
00:01:01,644 --> 00:01:03,764
It's not the pissing House of Lords.
21
00:01:03,804 --> 00:01:06,524
Fine. Stout and a bag of scratchings
for Jim,
22
00:01:06,564 --> 00:01:09,084
and one of the bogs is blocked -
also Jim.
23
00:01:09,124 --> 00:01:10,364
It's both bogs.
24
00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:11,964
Jesus fucking Christ, Jim!
25
00:01:12,004 --> 00:01:14,404
You could have left this open for
me, couldn't you dick head.
26
00:01:14,444 --> 00:01:16,564
Yeah well, I can't pinch one
out at home, can I?
27
00:01:16,604 --> 00:01:18,324
I've got ladies staying.
28
00:01:18,364 --> 00:01:21,764
They're lezzas, yeah, but they're
still women.
29
00:01:22,604 --> 00:01:24,964
Just much hairier.
Jim, stop talking please.
30
00:01:25,004 --> 00:01:26,804
You're so fucking close
to getting barred.
31
00:01:26,844 --> 00:01:28,604
(KNOCKING ABOVE)
32
00:01:30,324 --> 00:01:32,284
(LOW, OMINOUS MUSIC)
33
00:01:33,564 --> 00:01:36,164
Oh... That's erm...
34
00:01:37,124 --> 00:01:38,844
(MUSIC ENDS)
I'll tell you what,
35
00:01:38,884 --> 00:01:40,364
you are in fact hired.
36
00:01:40,404 --> 00:01:43,204
Congratulations err,
just as you were basically.
37
00:01:51,204 --> 00:01:52,364
Hang on, Jim.
38
00:01:53,004 --> 00:01:54,524
Huh?
39
00:01:54,564 --> 00:01:56,404
How'd it go at the doctors.
Are you alright?
40
00:01:56,444 --> 00:01:58,284
Oh yeah, I've just got bumpy tits.
41
00:01:58,324 --> 00:02:00,964
Your nan had them as well.
You'll probably get bumpy tits.
42
00:02:01,004 --> 00:02:02,204
Aww. Thanks mum.
43
00:02:02,244 --> 00:02:04,484
Look but, while I was there,
they made me do like
44
00:02:04,524 --> 00:02:06,044
a 'health check' thing,
45
00:02:06,084 --> 00:02:09,004
and when it was over,
the doctor turned around to me,
46
00:02:09,044 --> 00:02:12,484
and she said that I am
a 'functioning alcoholic'.
47
00:02:13,844 --> 00:02:15,204
Functioning.
48
00:02:16,364 --> 00:02:19,684
No doctor as ever used
the word 'functioning'
49
00:02:19,724 --> 00:02:21,844
in front of that word before.
50
00:02:21,884 --> 00:02:24,364
I feel like I've been given
like a new lease of life.
51
00:02:24,404 --> 00:02:27,124
And I was thinking -
what am I gonna do with it?
52
00:02:27,164 --> 00:02:28,724
You know, what's next for me?
53
00:02:28,764 --> 00:02:30,204
Stop drinking?
Open a pub!
54
00:02:30,244 --> 00:02:32,564
Oh. You went... that way. OK.
Yeah.
55
00:02:33,404 --> 00:02:36,884
But not just me. Us. Me and you.
56
00:02:36,924 --> 00:02:38,964
Little family run business.
57
00:02:39,004 --> 00:02:42,164
I was basically running this place
before the little fella
58
00:02:42,204 --> 00:02:44,044
got his dirty mitts on to it.
59
00:02:44,084 --> 00:02:47,644
And you've had loads of
like customer-facing experiences
60
00:02:47,684 --> 00:02:49,804
with your-
(WHISPERS) with the 'stripping'.
61
00:02:49,844 --> 00:02:52,164
That was years ago.
Yeah but it was still face-to-face.
62
00:02:52,204 --> 00:02:54,284
Well it wasn't my face
that was the focus as a rule.
63
00:02:54,324 --> 00:02:56,524
I think it could be a right
nice little earner.
64
00:02:56,564 --> 00:02:58,644
The pub, not your face.
65
00:02:58,684 --> 00:02:59,884
Ah again - thank you.
66
00:02:59,924 --> 00:03:04,204
Just imagine it, right, you and me,
behind our own little bar,
67
00:03:04,244 --> 00:03:06,604
night after night, side-by-side?
68
00:03:06,644 --> 00:03:09,204
Yeah. I'm imagining that.
69
00:03:09,244 --> 00:03:12,404
(BRIGHT MUSIC BUILDS)
70
00:03:12,444 --> 00:03:15,724
(MUSIC FALTERS, SLOWS, ENDS)
71
00:03:17,764 --> 00:03:20,084
Your masseuse was shit.
72
00:03:20,124 --> 00:03:23,604
Oh God yes.
Yeah but err very discreet.
73
00:03:23,644 --> 00:03:25,844
Where's Vincent?
Vinnie. Oh he's err...
74
00:03:25,884 --> 00:03:27,844
He's gone to Blackpool
a couple of days.
75
00:03:27,884 --> 00:03:30,244
Hmm. Alright for some.
Have you been to Blackpool?
76
00:03:30,284 --> 00:03:32,564
Anywhere would be better than
these four fucking walls.
77
00:03:32,604 --> 00:03:34,764
So is there any- anything else
or shall I just fuck off.
78
00:03:34,804 --> 00:03:37,444
I have a task that I need attending
to and in the absence
79
00:03:37,484 --> 00:03:39,164
of the tattooed one,
80
00:03:39,204 --> 00:03:42,484
it looks as though you're going have
to act as my right hand...
81
00:03:43,404 --> 00:03:45,284
Oh sweetheart.
I'm not wanking you off.
82
00:03:45,324 --> 00:03:46,604
I want someone dead.
83
00:03:48,044 --> 00:03:51,764
Oh... Oh right. Err well I-
I can get you a bloke
84
00:03:51,804 --> 00:03:53,724
who'll pretend to be dead, yes,
85
00:03:53,764 --> 00:03:56,044
lovely good chap, very cheap,
very amenable. If that's-
86
00:03:56,084 --> 00:03:57,364
No Thomas.
87
00:03:58,284 --> 00:04:02,884
I want you to bring me somebody
who is already dead.
88
00:04:02,924 --> 00:04:05,404
Oh. Oh OK. Right well just...
89
00:04:06,124 --> 00:04:07,644
..anyone, or is there one specific?
90
00:04:07,684 --> 00:04:09,564
Anus Quigley.
'Anus'?
91
00:04:09,604 --> 00:04:14,044
Well Amos to his family,
but everyone called him Anus,
92
00:04:14,084 --> 00:04:16,964
on account of him being
an utter and total arsehole.
93
00:04:17,004 --> 00:04:20,084
And he claimed to have
invented anal.
94
00:04:21,364 --> 00:04:24,364
I can assure you,
he did not do that. No.
95
00:04:24,404 --> 00:04:26,204
As a genre... Thomas.
96
00:04:27,324 --> 00:04:28,324
Oh.
97
00:04:29,324 --> 00:04:30,364
Do tell.
98
00:04:31,124 --> 00:04:34,804
He was a major porn magnate
in the 1990's.
99
00:04:34,844 --> 00:04:36,324
Did very well from it.
100
00:04:36,364 --> 00:04:39,164
So our Barry decided to invest,
101
00:04:39,204 --> 00:04:43,164
help finance his transition into
the future of adult entertainment.
102
00:04:43,204 --> 00:04:44,684
The internet?
103
00:04:44,724 --> 00:04:45,964
Blu-Ray.
104
00:04:46,004 --> 00:04:47,724
(BRIGHT POP MUSIC)
105
00:04:50,324 --> 00:04:52,924
It's like you're in it. So to speak.
106
00:04:53,884 --> 00:04:57,964
But it seems Quigley had seen
the death of physical media coming.
107
00:04:58,004 --> 00:05:01,564
He'd been recruiting investors
left right and centre
108
00:05:01,604 --> 00:05:05,244
and as soon as he had all
of Barry's money he was gone.
109
00:05:06,284 --> 00:05:07,964
That little fucking...
110
00:05:09,444 --> 00:05:11,324
(MUSIC FADES, ENDS)
111
00:05:11,364 --> 00:05:14,284
That deal was our Barry's pension
112
00:05:14,324 --> 00:05:16,684
and that fucker Quigley,
robbed him of it.
113
00:05:16,724 --> 00:05:18,964
As it turned out, Barry didn't
really 'need' a pension.
114
00:05:19,004 --> 00:05:20,164
(EXPLOSION)
115
00:05:21,004 --> 00:05:22,804
Sorry, just talking out loud there.
116
00:05:22,844 --> 00:05:25,124
Our Barry went to his graves...
117
00:05:25,164 --> 00:05:26,884
Plural.
..without his revenge.
118
00:05:26,924 --> 00:05:30,364
I'm sorry err, if this Anus had
breathed his last.
119
00:05:30,404 --> 00:05:33,604
Sorry very visceral image there.
Doesn't that sort of err...
120
00:05:33,644 --> 00:05:34,924
draw a line under it?
121
00:05:34,964 --> 00:05:38,644
Thomas, did you know that
when King Charles
122
00:05:38,684 --> 00:05:43,244
came to the throne he was hellbent
on bloody vengeance.
123
00:05:43,284 --> 00:05:45,884
Well because of Megan and Harry
and all that? Y'know.
124
00:05:45,924 --> 00:05:48,764
No, King Charles the Second...
Oh different one, right.
125
00:05:48,804 --> 00:05:51,484
He dug up Cromwell's body,
126
00:05:51,524 --> 00:05:54,124
the man who'd put his father
to death,
127
00:05:54,164 --> 00:05:57,244
hanged and beheaded the corpse.
128
00:05:57,284 --> 00:05:58,844
Just to make a point.
129
00:06:00,124 --> 00:06:03,044
Oh, well it's err...
fascinating in't it.
130
00:06:03,084 --> 00:06:05,404
Sorry, what has that to do with erm-
131
00:06:05,444 --> 00:06:07,244
(OMINOUS TONE)
132
00:06:08,324 --> 00:06:09,724
Oh fuck no.
133
00:06:09,764 --> 00:06:14,044
Oh fuck yes...
Now go get him Thomas!
134
00:06:14,084 --> 00:06:15,524
(MUSIC ENDS)
No way!
135
00:06:15,564 --> 00:06:17,484
Who is this fucker, are you joking?!
Ash!
136
00:06:17,524 --> 00:06:18,884
Oh sorry.
137
00:06:18,924 --> 00:06:20,924
Sit the fuck down,
he's already dead!
138
00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:22,804
In't he, you can't hurt a corpse.
139
00:06:22,844 --> 00:06:25,044
Anyway since when were you two
so fucking squeamish?
140
00:06:25,084 --> 00:06:28,564
Can we stop saying fuck!
Oh Fuck. Sorry.
141
00:06:28,604 --> 00:06:30,804
It might have been about
y'know fucking Manolito?
142
00:06:30,844 --> 00:06:32,484
What about fucking
Barry McDonagh eh?!
143
00:06:32,524 --> 00:06:35,124
Barry McDonagh's different,
Barry McDonagh exploded into five
144
00:06:35,164 --> 00:06:36,644
little pieces, that's better.
145
00:06:36,684 --> 00:06:38,564
Six pieces, Ashley.
How is that better?
146
00:06:38,604 --> 00:06:40,964
If you don't fancy it, that's fine.
Yeah. Yeah, just err...
147
00:06:41,004 --> 00:06:42,964
do me a favour, pop up and
tell Davey, would yer?
148
00:06:43,004 --> 00:06:44,404
Where's the body?
Coroner's.
149
00:06:44,444 --> 00:06:47,884
Err body gets released to the family
on Monday, so we'll you know-
150
00:06:47,924 --> 00:06:50,004
Swoop right in, get it. Lovely.
151
00:06:50,044 --> 00:06:51,324
Which coroner?
Blackburn.
152
00:06:51,364 --> 00:06:52,804
Oh, piece of piss then,
153
00:06:52,844 --> 00:06:54,764
it's just a shitty office
off the high street.
154
00:06:54,804 --> 00:06:56,484
A stiff breeze would blow
the back gate in.
155
00:06:56,524 --> 00:06:59,524
Oh High Street's bad news,
security cameras central.
156
00:06:59,564 --> 00:07:03,684
Which is why, JJ, all we need
is a car with no past.
157
00:07:03,724 --> 00:07:05,284
No. I know I'm no saint, yeah,
158
00:07:05,324 --> 00:07:07,484
but I am drawing the line
at body snatching.
159
00:07:07,524 --> 00:07:09,484
I've got a little boy
to look at in the eye!
160
00:07:09,524 --> 00:07:10,644
You fucking turd.
161
00:07:11,604 --> 00:07:16,204
Well, if it's just a stolen motor
we need, err, there's always...
162
00:07:16,244 --> 00:07:17,724
(UPBEAT PIANO MUSIC)
163
00:07:18,684 --> 00:07:20,724
I actually resent the implication,
Thomas.
164
00:07:20,764 --> 00:07:23,364
That you're after stolen goods
and you've come to me,
165
00:07:23,404 --> 00:07:25,044
a member of the traveling community.
166
00:07:25,084 --> 00:07:27,084
There's a word for that you know.
167
00:07:29,964 --> 00:07:31,284
No, no, no, listen.
168
00:07:31,324 --> 00:07:33,364
Right Mick, what I'm saying,
Ashley it's-
169
00:07:33,404 --> 00:07:35,564
(LAUGHTER)
Got yer.
170
00:07:36,844 --> 00:07:39,324
Ah very good.
Yeah you got me. You got me.
171
00:07:40,284 --> 00:07:42,364
(MOCKING) Ashley said to me...
Alright!
172
00:07:42,404 --> 00:07:46,284
So, what colour are you after?
Red, silver, black.
173
00:07:46,324 --> 00:07:48,444
Oh I don't know.
Whatever you've got really.
174
00:07:48,484 --> 00:07:49,804
Oh no, I've got nothing.
175
00:07:50,524 --> 00:07:54,244
But sure it's only three o'clock.
High tide for a bag of mischief.
176
00:07:54,284 --> 00:07:55,644
Let's go.
177
00:07:59,564 --> 00:08:03,364
Hey! Is Napoleon tiny parts around?
178
00:08:03,404 --> 00:08:05,884
No. He's out. Why?
Right, have a look at this one?
179
00:08:06,804 --> 00:08:09,404
Look two bars, little garden,
flat upstairs.
180
00:08:09,444 --> 00:08:11,444
Oh. I don't know.
That's a bit of a trek, in it?
181
00:08:11,484 --> 00:08:13,404
It's Ramlington?
It's just past Preston.
182
00:08:13,444 --> 00:08:15,404
You do know you need
a license, don't yer?
183
00:08:15,444 --> 00:08:16,524
It's got a license.
184
00:08:16,564 --> 00:08:18,604
No, you need a license.
To run a pub.
185
00:08:18,644 --> 00:08:20,724
You personally need
a license to sell alcohol.
186
00:08:20,764 --> 00:08:22,284
Err here Liz, give us a look.
187
00:08:22,964 --> 00:08:24,164
Here.
188
00:08:24,204 --> 00:08:26,604
Oh, that is sick.
Yeah?
189
00:08:26,644 --> 00:08:28,484
Yeah, honestly you need to go
and have a look.
190
00:08:28,524 --> 00:08:29,844
I'll give you a lift if you like?
191
00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:33,004
Great. Thank you.
I'll give 'em a ring now.
192
00:08:35,324 --> 00:08:37,044
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
193
00:08:37,084 --> 00:08:39,244
Your mum is tryna set up shop
thirty miles away
194
00:08:39,284 --> 00:08:41,404
and you're tryna put her off.
Yes, set up shop with me.
195
00:08:41,444 --> 00:08:42,444
Oh come off it.
196
00:08:42,484 --> 00:08:45,244
The record for you and her not
arguing is like what, 27 minutes?
197
00:08:45,284 --> 00:08:47,444
Two days together,
she'll be chasing you out of there
198
00:08:47,484 --> 00:08:49,004
with a fucking broom, alright.
199
00:08:49,044 --> 00:08:51,404
Which means we'd be back here,
just the three of us,
200
00:08:51,444 --> 00:08:54,124
without her mental approach
to childcare and parenting and...
201
00:08:54,164 --> 00:08:56,764
just oh, everything.
That is my mum you're talking about.
202
00:08:58,124 --> 00:09:01,404
OK, fine, fine look, I'll just
go and tell her it's a bad thing.
203
00:09:01,444 --> 00:09:03,844
Alright, alright. I mean you know,
let's not be hasty.
204
00:09:05,044 --> 00:09:08,564
(PLAYFUL PERCUSSION MUSIC)
205
00:09:08,604 --> 00:09:11,204
What are you doing there.
Stop making mouth noises.
206
00:09:11,244 --> 00:09:13,004
I've got something in my tooth.
(PROTESTS)
207
00:09:13,044 --> 00:09:15,204
There's no lights on out front.
I think we're good.
208
00:09:15,244 --> 00:09:17,444
Right, lovely.
Is this thing electric or what?
209
00:09:17,484 --> 00:09:20,564
It is, yeah. I'm tryna be more
environmentally conscious, Ash.
210
00:09:20,604 --> 00:09:24,084
Mick, I'm not sure people's issue
with car theft is the emissions.
211
00:09:24,124 --> 00:09:26,164
Do you know what I mean?
Anyways, don't go too fast.
212
00:09:26,204 --> 00:09:27,604
It's one padlock.
213
00:09:27,644 --> 00:09:31,044
This thing's a glorified milk float,
we'll need the run up.
214
00:09:31,764 --> 00:09:33,524
Right, hold onto your hats!
215
00:09:33,564 --> 00:09:35,964
(YELLING)
216
00:09:36,004 --> 00:09:38,604
(CLANG)
(ALARM BLARES)
217
00:09:38,644 --> 00:09:40,444
(CAR SYSTEM DINGING)
218
00:09:43,004 --> 00:09:44,724
I think the battery's damaged.
219
00:09:46,324 --> 00:09:47,924
You fucking idiot!
220
00:09:47,964 --> 00:09:50,644
I didn't know there was gonna be
bollards there, did I!
221
00:09:50,684 --> 00:09:53,404
Oh Jesus.
Run away. Run away. Run away.
222
00:09:58,844 --> 00:10:01,124
So err, does it hurt, this then?
223
00:10:01,164 --> 00:10:03,204
Like you wouldn't believe.
224
00:10:03,244 --> 00:10:04,284
Oh...
225
00:10:04,324 --> 00:10:06,884
(YELLS)
Oh you fucking stupid bastard!
226
00:10:06,924 --> 00:10:08,404
(LOW, TENSE MUSIC)
227
00:10:09,284 --> 00:10:12,364
We've been fucked. By a pervert.
228
00:10:12,404 --> 00:10:14,204
They will do that, yeah.
229
00:10:14,244 --> 00:10:16,604
Gary did some digging with his
undertaker mates.
230
00:10:16,644 --> 00:10:17,804
Figures.
231
00:10:17,844 --> 00:10:20,484
Apparently some guy's been breaking
into the coroner's at night
232
00:10:20,524 --> 00:10:22,404
and 'doing things' with the bodies.
Oh...
233
00:10:22,444 --> 00:10:23,964
The problem is
they didn't catch him.
234
00:10:24,004 --> 00:10:26,844
So they've had to overhaul security
to try and stop the little bastard.
235
00:10:26,884 --> 00:10:29,804
Which explains the bollards,
the alarm, and fuck knows what else.
236
00:10:29,844 --> 00:10:32,964
Right, we'll have to find another
way in. So was he fondling corpses?
237
00:10:34,084 --> 00:10:37,004
Well rumour is he dresses them up...
238
00:10:39,164 --> 00:10:41,444
..and recreates
classic album covers.
239
00:10:42,524 --> 00:10:44,724
Oh well I think that's better
than what I imagined?
240
00:10:44,764 --> 00:10:47,324
It is surprisingly peachy isn't it
actually?Yeah that's fine.
241
00:10:47,364 --> 00:10:49,524
Hang on a moment. No, no, no,
this guy clearly knows
242
00:10:49,564 --> 00:10:51,364
another way into the coroners
don't he?
243
00:10:51,404 --> 00:10:54,204
We have to track down this bas-tard.
244
00:10:54,244 --> 00:10:55,644
When the cops couldn't?
245
00:10:55,684 --> 00:10:57,684
Laugh ye not dickface.
OK.
246
00:10:57,724 --> 00:11:00,244
Because what I have,
that the police don't have
247
00:11:00,284 --> 00:11:03,124
is my underground network
of sexual miscreants.
248
00:11:03,164 --> 00:11:04,604
That is true.
Dirty bastard.
249
00:11:04,644 --> 00:11:07,924
Yeah 'The Illuminasty'.
Oh. Nice little word play.
250
00:11:07,964 --> 00:11:09,004
Very good.
251
00:11:09,044 --> 00:11:11,884
JJ: OK listen. You just need to keep
him safe, hug him if he cries.
252
00:11:11,924 --> 00:11:14,204
And we will be like three hours max.
253
00:11:14,244 --> 00:11:17,004
Oh you'll be fine.
He more or less looks after himself.
254
00:11:17,044 --> 00:11:18,524
He absolutely doesn't!
255
00:11:18,564 --> 00:11:21,004
As you can tell,
he's used to a very low bar...
256
00:11:21,044 --> 00:11:23,004
Right ready?
OK, Bubba be back soon.
257
00:11:23,044 --> 00:11:28,284
OK, now, you are gonna be a good
little boy for your Auntie Ally.
258
00:11:30,604 --> 00:11:32,724
I'm not your Auntie mate.
(FARTING)
259
00:11:32,764 --> 00:11:34,484
Oh, and he might need changing.
260
00:11:35,524 --> 00:11:38,564
Changing?!
(CRYING)
261
00:11:38,604 --> 00:11:39,724
Into what?
262
00:11:41,804 --> 00:11:43,644
You sure this is the right place,
yeah?
263
00:11:43,684 --> 00:11:46,204
I trust my sources.
The Illuminasty have come good.
264
00:11:46,244 --> 00:11:48,164
They always do Ashley.
They always do.
265
00:11:49,164 --> 00:11:51,004
(DOOR BELL CHIMES 'The Entertainer')
266
00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:52,364
Oooh.
267
00:11:52,404 --> 00:11:54,164
Red flag there.
Odd yeah.
268
00:11:54,204 --> 00:11:56,844
What is that?
What's this fella's name again?
269
00:11:56,884 --> 00:11:58,324
Wet Greg.
270
00:11:59,244 --> 00:12:00,644
'Wet Greg'?
271
00:12:00,684 --> 00:12:02,644
Wet Greg.
I only know his chatroom name.
272
00:12:03,804 --> 00:12:05,044
Yes?
273
00:12:07,684 --> 00:12:10,604
Err Wet Greg?
274
00:12:10,644 --> 00:12:12,604
Fuck!
Get him, Ashley!
275
00:12:12,644 --> 00:12:15,844
(PLAYFUL POP MUSIC)
276
00:12:15,884 --> 00:12:17,964
(MUFFLED YELLING)
277
00:12:20,284 --> 00:12:23,204
Get him Ahsley! Get him Ashley!
278
00:12:25,364 --> 00:12:27,004
(HISSING)
Stop it Wet Greg.
279
00:12:27,044 --> 00:12:29,924
No! No! Piss off! I want my lawyer!
280
00:12:29,964 --> 00:12:32,124
What do you want
your fucking lawyers for?
281
00:12:34,844 --> 00:12:38,044
I thought you were the police?
(CHUCKLING)
282
00:12:38,084 --> 00:12:39,724
Do we look like the police?
283
00:12:39,764 --> 00:12:41,684
I'm in a velour track suite love.
Yeah. WEBVTT
284
00:12:49,100 --> 00:12:50,900
Well we'd have to put the 'M' back.
285
00:12:50,940 --> 00:12:54,100
Or add an 'E'?
What The Queen's Ears?
286
00:12:57,780 --> 00:12:59,820
Front bar. Back bar...
287
00:12:59,860 --> 00:13:01,020
Bar.
288
00:13:01,060 --> 00:13:02,700
Oh thank fuck, she's here.
289
00:13:02,740 --> 00:13:05,660
Six month lease.
Last landlord hit by a bus.
290
00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:08,460
That's what you want.
Is it?
291
00:13:08,500 --> 00:13:09,660
Oh yeah.
292
00:13:09,700 --> 00:13:12,460
With landlords it's normally one of
the three b's -
293
00:13:12,500 --> 00:13:15,620
breakdown, broke or brawl.
294
00:13:15,660 --> 00:13:16,660
Yeah.
295
00:13:16,700 --> 00:13:20,460
It's so reassuring when
the last guy's just hit by a bus.
296
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:22,460
Unless he stepped out on purpose?
297
00:13:22,500 --> 00:13:23,740
Good point.
298
00:13:25,540 --> 00:13:26,940
Doesn't say...
299
00:13:26,980 --> 00:13:29,500
Oh it doesn't say. Really,
you sure you want to check again?
300
00:13:29,540 --> 00:13:31,540
Right. Let me know if you want it.
301
00:13:33,660 --> 00:13:37,260
Oh well, the layout's all wrong,
isn't it.
302
00:13:37,300 --> 00:13:39,260
No. A bit of imagination, alright.
303
00:13:39,300 --> 00:13:42,580
Look, I'm thinking,
new booths back there.
304
00:13:42,620 --> 00:13:44,740
Yes.And you could do
a cheeky little rebrand.
305
00:13:44,780 --> 00:13:49,620
Goodbye 'The Queen's Arms',
hello 'The Queen... Elizabeth'.
306
00:13:49,660 --> 00:13:50,780
(GASPS)
307
00:13:50,820 --> 00:13:54,180
You know, 'Just popping down The Liz
for a pint', trips off tongue.
308
00:13:54,220 --> 00:13:56,220
Oooh, I'm popping down
The Queen Liz for a pint.
309
00:13:56,260 --> 00:13:59,500
Yeah. I could put-
I could put a painting of me...
310
00:14:00,180 --> 00:14:01,620
Well it's in the bag...
311
00:14:03,180 --> 00:14:04,500
Gonna pop for a piss.
312
00:14:14,980 --> 00:14:16,340
(SIGHS)
313
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:19,140
Dad?
314
00:14:21,060 --> 00:14:22,580
Jehan?
315
00:14:22,620 --> 00:14:24,980
(BOTH CRY OUT)
316
00:14:25,020 --> 00:14:26,100
Shit!
317
00:14:26,740 --> 00:14:27,980
Sorry!
318
00:14:29,100 --> 00:14:31,060
Hey, hey, hey, hands.
319
00:14:31,100 --> 00:14:32,540
Hands. Hands.
320
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:38,340
Oh my God, I mean. This is-
Oh my God.
321
00:14:40,460 --> 00:14:43,500
Err oh 'Rumours: Fleetwood Mac'.
322
00:14:43,540 --> 00:14:45,180
Not a great Stevie Nicks,
323
00:14:45,220 --> 00:14:47,540
but that Mick Fleetwood was too good
to miss -
324
00:14:47,580 --> 00:14:49,700
the bloke was six foot eight.
OK.
325
00:14:49,740 --> 00:14:51,380
Wow.
Impressive what you've done there.
326
00:14:51,420 --> 00:14:53,540
They almost look alive don't they?
Yeah. Yeah.
327
00:14:53,580 --> 00:14:56,220
Oh 'Tapestry: Carole King' -
had to bring my own cat.
328
00:14:56,260 --> 00:14:59,540
Aww.
Oh 'Blondie: Parallel lines'.
329
00:14:59,580 --> 00:15:02,860
Big pile up on the M6,
so I could do them and Queen.
330
00:15:02,900 --> 00:15:05,980
While I hate to interrupt-
Please, please interrupt.
331
00:15:06,020 --> 00:15:08,100
So yeah, so I'll cut to the chase.
332
00:15:08,140 --> 00:15:10,140
We need to know the lay of the land.
333
00:15:10,180 --> 00:15:12,420
How do you get in there?
What's in it for me?
334
00:15:12,460 --> 00:15:14,540
Well we don't show
this muck to the police.
335
00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:16,020
Uh-oh!
(CAMERA CLICKS)
336
00:15:16,060 --> 00:15:17,620
Gimme that.
Hide that mate.
337
00:15:17,660 --> 00:15:20,180
That's blackmail!
Oh I mean that's exactly what it is.
338
00:15:20,220 --> 00:15:22,860
Yep that's blackmail.
That's blackmail. He says like that.
339
00:15:22,900 --> 00:15:25,740
Gotcha.
Alright. What do you need?
340
00:15:25,780 --> 00:15:29,220
How the fuck do we get
in the coroners?
341
00:15:29,260 --> 00:15:30,340
Senior Care.
342
00:15:31,020 --> 00:15:33,380
I'm sorry, what now?
Senior Care.
343
00:15:33,420 --> 00:15:36,180
It's a charity shop - there's one
right opposite the Coroner.
344
00:15:36,220 --> 00:15:37,780
I got a job volunteering.
345
00:15:37,820 --> 00:15:41,140
They are a lovely bunch,
but clueless when it comes to tech.
346
00:15:41,180 --> 00:15:43,900
So I offered to
'upgrade their security'.
347
00:15:43,940 --> 00:15:46,260
I add a camera,
point it at the coroners
348
00:15:46,300 --> 00:15:49,020
and stream the entrance code
only to me.
349
00:15:49,060 --> 00:15:50,340
(PAD BEEPING)
350
00:15:50,380 --> 00:15:52,660
Oh he's clever.
You've gotta give him that.
351
00:15:52,700 --> 00:15:54,020
He's clever.
A freak!
352
00:15:54,060 --> 00:15:56,620
Then just wait for them to go home
and I can come and go as I please.
353
00:15:56,660 --> 00:15:58,660
Go and cum as you please,
in your case.
354
00:15:58,700 --> 00:16:00,780
Cos of the- Looking at all the-
355
00:16:00,820 --> 00:16:03,580
No! That's perverse!
356
00:16:03,620 --> 00:16:05,300
I'm only in it for the art.
357
00:16:05,340 --> 00:16:08,220
(STAMMERS) What your saying that
we can still get in the front?
358
00:16:08,260 --> 00:16:09,420
Well technically, yeah.
359
00:16:09,460 --> 00:16:12,020
What if we got a van with
a sliding-door,
360
00:16:12,060 --> 00:16:14,060
park it up close to the entrance-
Err uhum.
361
00:16:14,100 --> 00:16:16,380
It's pedestrianised,
the high street.
362
00:16:16,420 --> 00:16:19,260
You can't get a vehicle down there
without a key from the council.
363
00:16:19,300 --> 00:16:21,820
Err what if we walked it out?
364
00:16:21,860 --> 00:16:23,940
Shut up Mick, please.
Don't be a twat, Mick.
365
00:16:23,980 --> 00:16:25,460
Stop Mick.
Don't be a twat Mick.
366
00:16:25,500 --> 00:16:26,940
Not you!
You fucking circus act.
367
00:16:26,980 --> 00:16:28,100
Hang on. Hang On.
368
00:16:28,140 --> 00:16:30,900
The body gets handed over to the
family on November 1st, right?
369
00:16:30,940 --> 00:16:32,020
What you getting at?
370
00:16:32,060 --> 00:16:34,340
So, if your gonna have any chance
walking a dead body down
371
00:16:34,380 --> 00:16:36,220
the main street,
on any night of the year.
372
00:16:36,260 --> 00:16:38,340
Oh...
It's the night before that.
373
00:16:38,380 --> 00:16:39,740
Halloween.
Halloween.
374
00:16:40,620 --> 00:16:43,100
Cos of the costumes and all that.
Yeah, yeah we've got it.
375
00:16:47,140 --> 00:16:49,700
This is mad, you know.
Like proper mad.
376
00:16:49,740 --> 00:16:53,020
I mean it's been years.
Yeah. A long time... long time.
377
00:16:54,300 --> 00:16:56,860
Right. When did you get back?
378
00:16:56,900 --> 00:16:58,580
Well, just a few days ago.
Right.
379
00:16:58,620 --> 00:17:00,580
What the hell are you
doing in Ramlington?
380
00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:02,180
I have a friend here.
381
00:17:02,220 --> 00:17:03,540
Well why didn't you just call?
382
00:17:03,580 --> 00:17:05,580
I mean you could have just come
and stayed with us.
383
00:17:05,620 --> 00:17:08,060
No, no, no ๏ฟฝ I would have...
didn't wanna bother you, y'know-
384
00:17:08,100 --> 00:17:09,460
Dad, you'd be no bother.
385
00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:11,300
No, I'm only here for a few weeks.
386
00:17:11,340 --> 00:17:14,020
Right, OK. And so, what?
387
00:17:14,980 --> 00:17:16,420
You weren't gonna call me?
388
00:17:17,340 --> 00:17:22,820
No, no! I was- I would've-
It's just that erm...
389
00:17:23,980 --> 00:17:25,100
Just what?
390
00:17:28,460 --> 00:17:29,740
What?
391
00:17:29,780 --> 00:17:31,380
Well, I'm...
392
00:17:32,700 --> 00:17:33,940
..ill.
393
00:17:37,900 --> 00:17:39,380
I'm ill.
394
00:17:43,180 --> 00:17:45,700
I thought his dad lived in India?
395
00:17:45,740 --> 00:17:48,060
Oh shit, is that racist?
Am I a racist?
396
00:17:48,100 --> 00:17:49,220
No, he does.
397
00:17:49,260 --> 00:17:52,220
He went there for work when JJ
was like 18/19.
398
00:17:52,260 --> 00:17:55,340
Y'know there's the odd phone call,
birthday cards, but otherwise.
399
00:17:55,380 --> 00:17:57,580
And that was the last time
he saw him?
400
00:17:57,620 --> 00:17:59,740
In the flesh - yeah. I think so.
401
00:17:59,780 --> 00:18:04,140
Wow, to do that to your own kid?
Like, I mean they're a part of you.
402
00:18:06,660 --> 00:18:08,740
Oh yeah alright, whatever.
(PHONE PINGS)
403
00:18:08,780 --> 00:18:10,180
Oh you soppy cow!
404
00:18:11,500 --> 00:18:13,100
Oh shit.
What?
405
00:18:17,020 --> 00:18:18,540
Oh for fuck sake!
406
00:18:18,580 --> 00:18:22,100
This is the most shit
I have ever seen in my entire life.
407
00:18:22,140 --> 00:18:24,340
And my dad owns a farm.
(BABY GIGGLES)
408
00:18:25,260 --> 00:18:27,940
Oh. Made yourself a bit
of room have you?
409
00:18:27,980 --> 00:18:29,540
(HELD IN LAUGHTER)
410
00:18:29,580 --> 00:18:32,540
And I still have my British
passport, so, you know,
411
00:18:32,580 --> 00:18:33,940
err 'good old NHS'.
412
00:18:34,740 --> 00:18:37,300
They've got a great department up
in, erm...
413
00:18:37,340 --> 00:18:39,100
Lancaster?
The kidneys.
414
00:18:40,100 --> 00:18:43,060
I thought you said it was liver?
It just made sense to come back.
415
00:18:43,100 --> 00:18:45,780
For a bit.
Just until they get on top of it.
416
00:18:45,820 --> 00:18:47,100
Right.
417
00:18:47,140 --> 00:18:49,020
Is someone going to be paying
for these?
418
00:18:50,180 --> 00:18:52,780
Oh, Alright Faz!
I didn't see you there.
419
00:18:52,820 --> 00:18:55,820
I didn't know they were with you.
Yeah, they're ehm...
420
00:18:55,860 --> 00:18:58,020
Yeah.
Sorry, Alan, hiyah.
421
00:18:58,860 --> 00:19:00,660
Err Alan. Jehan. Jehan. Alan.
422
00:19:01,900 --> 00:19:03,660
I'm JJ. I'm his son.
423
00:19:03,700 --> 00:19:05,940
Oh. I didn't know he had another.
424
00:19:05,980 --> 00:19:07,900
Does Pam know? (LAUGHS)
Sorry?
425
00:19:11,700 --> 00:19:12,860
Dad?
426
00:19:16,060 --> 00:19:19,100
(SOFT SOMBRE MUSIC)
427
00:19:32,780 --> 00:19:35,700
(LAUGHS) Aw. That takes me back.
428
00:19:37,100 --> 00:19:38,660
I think we should take it.
429
00:19:39,540 --> 00:19:42,460
This place.
Oh my God! Oh my God!
430
00:19:42,500 --> 00:19:44,460
Wow. Oh my God.
431
00:19:44,500 --> 00:19:46,140
Oh my God, you need to behave.
432
00:19:46,180 --> 00:19:47,500
We're taking the pub!
433
00:19:47,540 --> 00:19:48,620
Right.
434
00:19:48,660 --> 00:19:50,140
Are you OK?
Yeah.
435
00:19:50,820 --> 00:19:52,380
Actually no. No, I'm not OK.
436
00:19:52,420 --> 00:19:54,420
Because it's all just
one big fucking lie.
437
00:19:54,460 --> 00:19:56,300
What is?
Everything. The job.
438
00:19:56,340 --> 00:19:58,540
Mumbai. Fucking cancer.
What? What cancer?
439
00:19:58,580 --> 00:19:59,820
There is no fucking cancer.
440
00:19:59,860 --> 00:20:02,740
He's been living here this whole
fucking time with his other family.
441
00:20:05,220 --> 00:20:08,660
So... yeah. It's just all
one big fucking lie.
442
00:20:12,700 --> 00:20:14,860
Were still taking the pub, yeah?
Mum!
443
00:20:14,900 --> 00:20:16,500
What.
(GROANS)
444
00:20:16,540 --> 00:20:17,860
Oh God!
445
00:20:19,500 --> 00:20:22,940
Right. Hear ye. Hear ye.
For this, is my fucking plan.
446
00:20:23,860 --> 00:20:26,460
First things first. I'm gonna lay
on a Halloween Party here.
447
00:20:26,500 --> 00:20:29,020
We're all gonna get into
our various Halloween attire.
448
00:20:29,060 --> 00:20:31,420
Do as you will, dealers choice
and so on and so forth.
449
00:20:31,460 --> 00:20:35,100
Then were gonna find ourselves in
photos, providing us with our what?
450
00:20:36,220 --> 00:20:38,620
BOTH: Alibi's.
Well done Ashley, very good.
451
00:20:38,660 --> 00:20:40,660
Then we're gonna bundle ourselves
into the van.
452
00:20:40,700 --> 00:20:43,860
No, no, plug-in Hybrid.
So reliable, but still green.
453
00:20:43,900 --> 00:20:47,860
Well, like it's red.
But it's green.
454
00:20:47,900 --> 00:20:49,620
I think we've got enough,
shut the fuck up.
455
00:20:49,660 --> 00:20:51,740
We're gonna park the van
in Castle Road.
456
00:20:51,780 --> 00:20:53,780
Then were gonna promenade down
the high street
457
00:20:53,820 --> 00:20:55,580
just like a gang of lads just having
a hard on
458
00:20:55,620 --> 00:20:56,980
or a fucking Halloween night out.
459
00:20:57,020 --> 00:20:58,620
Then were gonna get into
the Coroner's,
460
00:20:58,660 --> 00:21:00,820
and then were gonna steal
Quigley's lifeless corpse.
461
00:21:00,860 --> 00:21:02,620
And then covertly get into
the fucking van.
462
00:21:02,660 --> 00:21:04,180
From the van to the pub,
from the pub
463
00:21:04,220 --> 00:21:06,420
we're gonna give the dead body to
Davey... and he can do-
464
00:21:06,460 --> 00:21:08,540
I don't know what the fuck
he wants to do here.
465
00:21:08,580 --> 00:21:09,780
Any questions?
466
00:21:10,620 --> 00:21:13,980
Ashley.Thank you.
Err what is Wanksy doing here?
467
00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:18,940
For the last time, I don't wank!
468
00:21:18,980 --> 00:21:20,900
What, what, like ever at home.
469
00:21:20,940 --> 00:21:22,620
I mean if anything
that's even weirder.
470
00:21:22,660 --> 00:21:24,340
Alright. Alright. Alright.
471
00:21:24,380 --> 00:21:26,900
See, this chap knows the way down
there like the back of his
472
00:21:26,940 --> 00:21:28,820
very well moisturised hand.
Yes I do.
473
00:21:28,860 --> 00:21:30,620
So he's coming with, OK?
474
00:21:30,660 --> 00:21:31,780
What about a hard on?
475
00:21:31,820 --> 00:21:33,620
Ask him there,
does he get a hard on?
476
00:21:33,660 --> 00:21:35,460
Do you get a hard on?
Do you get a hard on?
477
00:21:35,500 --> 00:21:37,420
Otis Redding:
You Don't Miss Your Water
478
00:21:37,460 --> 00:21:39,100
In the beginning
479
00:21:40,780 --> 00:21:44,020
You really loved me, oh
480
00:21:46,020 --> 00:21:49,420
I was too blind-
481
00:21:50,900 --> 00:21:52,540
Fuck!!
(BRAKES SQUEAL)
482
00:21:52,580 --> 00:21:55,580
Shitting hell!
What the fuck, Liz?!
483
00:21:55,620 --> 00:21:58,140
They've refused my fucking license!
484
00:21:58,180 --> 00:21:59,340
What? Why??
485
00:21:59,380 --> 00:22:02,700
'Previous judgements against you
make you an unsuitable candidate
486
00:22:02,740 --> 00:22:06,460
for- what... It's just one little
Drunk and Disorderly.
487
00:22:06,500 --> 00:22:08,700
Oh, oh no and another one.
488
00:22:08,740 --> 00:22:12,220
But I've changed. I'm functioning.
489
00:22:12,260 --> 00:22:14,340
I clearly put functioning!
490
00:22:16,060 --> 00:22:17,700
What if I were to get it?
491
00:22:18,620 --> 00:22:20,060
The license, I mean.
492
00:22:20,100 --> 00:22:22,100
It only needs to be one of us,
right?
493
00:22:22,140 --> 00:22:23,340
Would you do that?
494
00:22:24,660 --> 00:22:25,860
Yeah. Of course.
495
00:22:26,700 --> 00:22:28,340
Oh sweetheart!
496
00:22:28,380 --> 00:22:30,660
Come here for a big-
Ah mum.
497
00:22:37,180 --> 00:22:39,780
Ooh, that's a torque wrench
as well actually.
498
00:22:39,820 --> 00:22:42,220
But this one has got
a little click-clutch,
499
00:22:42,260 --> 00:22:45,860
but it's similar in principle to
the beam type that you saw earlier.
500
00:22:45,900 --> 00:22:47,100
Yes it is.
501
00:22:47,140 --> 00:22:50,380
Yes it is you cheeky bugger.
Right, what else have we got?
502
00:22:50,420 --> 00:22:53,260
We've got some...
Knockerty, knock.
503
00:22:56,260 --> 00:22:57,460
We're closed.
504
00:22:58,140 --> 00:22:59,660
I just wanted to explain.
505
00:22:59,700 --> 00:23:02,940
'You're a lying prick', job done.
Fuck off.
506
00:23:03,980 --> 00:23:06,140
It was a different time, Jehan.
507
00:23:08,540 --> 00:23:09,820
Are you kidding me?!
508
00:23:10,540 --> 00:23:15,020
It was 2010! Alright. We were like,
on what? The fifth Fast and Furious!
509
00:23:15,060 --> 00:23:18,180
Your mother and I were
in trouble long before that.
510
00:23:18,220 --> 00:23:20,740
Her parents wouldn't let
her divorce.
511
00:23:20,780 --> 00:23:23,180
So you fucked off to Ramlington
with your bit on the side, eh.
512
00:23:23,220 --> 00:23:26,460
No, no, never-
It was never, Pam came after.
513
00:23:26,500 --> 00:23:29,100
You gotta understand,
I was put under a lot of pressure.
514
00:23:29,140 --> 00:23:31,660
That's bollocks. You know Nani's
been dead for ten years.
515
00:23:31,700 --> 00:23:33,580
You could have come in here at
any point
516
00:23:33,620 --> 00:23:35,060
and had the awkward conversation,
517
00:23:35,100 --> 00:23:37,220
but it was just easier for you,
to keep me in the past.
518
00:23:37,260 --> 00:23:39,660
So you could carry on playing happy
families with Pam and all
519
00:23:39,700 --> 00:23:41,540
your wonderful fucking kids, right.
520
00:23:41,580 --> 00:23:44,060
Just the one. Navid.
521
00:23:44,100 --> 00:23:46,020
He's 13.
522
00:23:48,180 --> 00:23:49,980
This must be Sonny.
No.
523
00:23:50,020 --> 00:23:51,860
No, no, no,
he's none of your damn business.
524
00:23:51,900 --> 00:23:52,980
Is what he is.
525
00:23:53,020 --> 00:23:55,100
Do you know of all the shit that
I've had to deal with,
526
00:23:55,140 --> 00:23:57,060
because I didn't have no fucker
to look after me,
527
00:23:57,100 --> 00:23:59,700
he's the one thing I've done right.
So, if you think after 15 years
528
00:23:59,740 --> 00:24:01,660
of fuck all, you're just
gonna waltz back in here
529
00:24:01,700 --> 00:24:03,540
when I've finally got my shit
together
530
00:24:03,580 --> 00:24:06,700
and play 'uncle-fucking-dad', you've
got another thing coming alright!
531
00:24:06,740 --> 00:24:08,740
What does 'uncle-fucking-dad'-?
532
00:24:08,780 --> 00:24:12,460
I don't know! OK.
It just means, fuck off!
533
00:24:12,500 --> 00:24:15,180
Just fuck off, back to
your other fucking family
534
00:24:15,220 --> 00:24:17,300
and stop making me say 'fuck'
in front of my son,
535
00:24:17,340 --> 00:24:18,820
which I fucking hate.
536
00:24:18,860 --> 00:24:21,420
(SOMBRE MUSIC)
(BABY CRYING)
537
00:24:26,380 --> 00:24:27,860
Does he know about me?
538
00:24:30,820 --> 00:24:33,540
I don't want another son
hating me like you do.
539
00:24:37,260 --> 00:24:39,740
(BABY FUSSING)
540
00:24:43,980 --> 00:24:48,420
Hey. Hey, hey, come here.
541
00:24:48,460 --> 00:24:50,380
Dad's sorry he said 'fuck', OK.
542
00:24:52,100 --> 00:24:55,180
The Specials: Ghost Town
543
00:24:57,020 --> 00:24:58,820
(SOFT SCATTING)
544
00:24:58,860 --> 00:25:01,180
There we go, lovely. Fucking 'ell.
545
00:25:02,340 --> 00:25:04,740
Everywhere.
(EVIL LAUGH)
546
00:25:05,980 --> 00:25:08,500
Left side down a bit, Lizabeth.
There's a good witch.
547
00:25:09,300 --> 00:25:11,460
Thank you Count Twat-cula.
548
00:25:11,500 --> 00:25:14,700
Oh I vant to drink your bloo-
549
00:25:14,740 --> 00:25:15,443
Fuck.
550
00:25:15,444 --> 00:25:17,204
You said you were coming
as Freddie Kruger!
551
00:25:17,244 --> 00:25:19,199
Yeah, this was dead cheap.
Yeah, I know it's cheap, mate.
552
00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:21,080
I know it were cheap.
Why do you think I got it?
553
00:25:21,120 --> 00:25:22,920
Oh shitting 'ell.
What?
554
00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:26,560
If it was dead cheap.
What's up, bludder-suckers?
555
00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:29,040
Right, brilliant. Yeah.
Very inconspicuous, this isn't it.
556
00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:30,640
All going to Jan's
fucking party shop!
557
00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:33,240
Can't wait to rob a corpse in the
high street, looking like this.
558
00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:35,200
Should I go home and change?
No mate, no, no, no
559
00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:37,200
cos it's too late, in't it.
So just I don't know,
560
00:25:37,240 --> 00:25:38,840
fucking blend in or somert.
561
00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:43,320
Oh, oh happy day,
another fucking Vampire.
562
00:25:43,360 --> 00:25:46,080
What? No - I'm Nick Cave.
563
00:25:46,120 --> 00:25:47,440
Oh...
Who's that?
564
00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:50,480
It's your man off Con Air.
Oh right. Yeah.
565
00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:54,840
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
566
00:25:57,640 --> 00:25:59,240
Oh sorry.
567
00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:03,560
Nice outfit.
You too.
568
00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:06,320
I'm on my way to work.
Ahh.
569
00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:11,920
(LIFT RUMBLES)
570
00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:15,480
(LIFT JUDDERS, STOPS)
571
00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:16,920
Oh that's not good.
572
00:26:18,080 --> 00:26:19,800
Probably start again in a minute.
573
00:26:19,840 --> 00:26:21,400
Yeah.
Yeah.
574
00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:24,760
So where do you work?
575
00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:27,920
A&E.
576
00:26:27,960 --> 00:26:29,520
Oh God,
well that'll be busy tonight.
577
00:26:29,560 --> 00:26:31,840
(CHUCKLING)
Chaos.
578
00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:37,600
Oh shit. There's no signal...
579
00:26:39,480 --> 00:26:41,320
It's not starting up again, is it?
580
00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:45,920
Why the fuck is there
no signal in here?
581
00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:48,040
Oh I'm sure it's gonna
start again any minute.
582
00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:50,440
What? No!
(METALLIC GROAN)
583
00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:51,720
Oh my God.
584
00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:54,800
Oh.
585
00:26:56,120 --> 00:26:57,480
What the fuck was that?
586
00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:04,114
Rockwell: Somebody's watching me
587
00:27:07,474 --> 00:27:11,834
I always feel like
somebody's watching me
588
00:27:11,874 --> 00:27:15,234
And I have no privacy (oh-oh-oh)
589
00:27:15,274 --> 00:27:18,234
I always feel like
somebody's watching me...
590
00:27:18,274 --> 00:27:20,514
Pint please, Liz.
Alright.
591
00:27:20,554 --> 00:27:22,874
Oh, come as a Wolfman have yer?
592
00:27:22,914 --> 00:27:24,674
No, I've come as you, you cunt.
593
00:27:24,714 --> 00:27:26,354
Alright. Fucking hell..
594
00:27:26,394 --> 00:27:27,954
You not dressing up Jim?
595
00:27:27,994 --> 00:27:31,034
I am fucking dressed up.
I'm that cunt from Jaws.
596
00:27:31,074 --> 00:27:33,314
He didn't have a beard?
I know.
597
00:27:33,354 --> 00:27:35,314
But if I shave this fucker off,
598
00:27:35,354 --> 00:27:37,954
I'll spend all night
fighting off minge.
599
00:27:37,994 --> 00:27:39,234
(LAUGHS)
Hey.
600
00:27:39,274 --> 00:27:41,914
You might well fucking laugh,
but I tell you,
601
00:27:41,954 --> 00:27:44,154
last time I was clean shaven,
602
00:27:44,194 --> 00:27:48,794
I had women all over me, like ants
on a dropped fucking lolly.
603
00:27:48,834 --> 00:27:50,434
As if.
Bollocks.
604
00:27:50,474 --> 00:27:53,554
Oh well fuckin' 'ell. There you go!
605
00:27:53,594 --> 00:27:56,594
Have a look at that, fucker.
606
00:27:56,634 --> 00:28:00,914
Oh wow. Jesus. Fair play to you Jim.
607
00:28:00,954 --> 00:28:02,114
Fucking told ya.
608
00:28:02,154 --> 00:28:07,154
This itchy bastard is hiding
some prime fucking real estate.
609
00:28:08,434 --> 00:28:12,354
Jesus fuckin' Christ Shirley!
Fucking 'ell!
610
00:28:12,394 --> 00:28:14,874
How'd you know it was me?
Because you stink of sheep,
611
00:28:14,914 --> 00:28:17,074
you Tutankhamun cunt.
612
00:28:17,114 --> 00:28:18,394
Who's that?
613
00:28:20,914 --> 00:28:25,594
I always feel like
somebody's watching me
614
00:28:25,634 --> 00:28:27,314
And I have no privacy...
615
00:28:27,354 --> 00:28:29,674
What have you come has,
or is this just like you?
616
00:28:29,714 --> 00:28:31,834
I'm a psychotic undertaker.
617
00:28:31,874 --> 00:28:34,954
Right, so you then.
Come on, get in the photo.
618
00:28:34,994 --> 00:28:38,194
There we go. Try and look
as though you're enjoying your life.
619
00:28:38,234 --> 00:28:41,594
Ahah. Oh hello there.
Great right, that's our alibi.
620
00:28:41,634 --> 00:28:45,554
Now let us go and find a Porn Baron!
621
00:28:46,314 --> 00:28:47,554
Just try to stay calm.
622
00:28:47,594 --> 00:28:49,954
I'm sorry, I need to get out of
here. I can't be in here.
623
00:28:49,994 --> 00:28:52,354
It's too small. I can't get locked
in here. I can't breathe.
624
00:28:52,394 --> 00:28:54,154
I'm no good in small spaces,
I can't do this.
625
00:28:54,194 --> 00:28:56,154
It's OK, you're having
a panic attack. Breathe.
626
00:28:56,194 --> 00:28:57,514
I can't-
Follow me.
627
00:28:57,554 --> 00:28:59,474
MAN: (ON INTERCOM)
Hello, can I help?
628
00:28:59,514 --> 00:29:01,554
Oh my God. Yes! Hi. Hi. Err yeah.
629
00:29:01,594 --> 00:29:03,914
We're trapped in a lift
in the Waverly Building.
630
00:29:03,954 --> 00:29:06,274
(FIZZING, LIFT JOLTS)
Ah. Fuck off!
631
00:29:06,314 --> 00:29:08,914
Blackpool?
Yeah! Can you release us, please?
632
00:29:08,954 --> 00:29:11,994
I can't. I'm in Birmingham.
Can you send someone else then?
633
00:29:12,034 --> 00:29:14,554
Like who?
A fucking engineer!
634
00:29:14,594 --> 00:29:16,394
Yeah. OK.
635
00:29:16,434 --> 00:29:19,634
Bear with us,
I'll just give him a call.
636
00:29:19,674 --> 00:29:21,794
(ROCK MUSIC)
(SEXUAL MOANING)
637
00:29:21,834 --> 00:29:23,354
Fucking hell.
Ignore it.
638
00:29:23,394 --> 00:29:26,514
What if it's wife?
Oh my God, ignore it!
639
00:29:28,754 --> 00:29:31,434
Fucking tense bitch. Come on. Yes.
640
00:29:33,514 --> 00:29:36,874
Wow.
No fucking way.
641
00:29:36,914 --> 00:29:39,874
Yeah. I had a crew cut for years.
Why did you shave it off?
642
00:29:39,914 --> 00:29:42,954
Err it was err,
too abrasive on the headboards.
643
00:29:42,994 --> 00:29:44,514
(DISGUSTED GROAN)
644
00:29:46,514 --> 00:29:48,714
Err any chance of a straw?
645
00:29:48,754 --> 00:29:50,074
Yeah. Help yourself.
646
00:29:50,114 --> 00:29:51,754
You look a right cunt.
647
00:29:53,074 --> 00:29:54,234
Yeah.
648
00:29:54,274 --> 00:29:56,754
(UPBEAT HIP-HOP MUSIC)
649
00:30:12,234 --> 00:30:15,274
Oh hello. Yeah. Go on get out of it.
650
00:30:17,314 --> 00:30:19,034
Right were in. Were in. Come on.
651
00:30:19,914 --> 00:30:21,834
Right Meena, you keep a lookout.
652
00:30:24,234 --> 00:30:26,874
Mr Sandman
(RETCHING, GAGGING)
653
00:30:26,914 --> 00:30:28,394
Bring me a dream
654
00:30:29,354 --> 00:30:32,634
Make him the cutest
that I've ever seen...
655
00:30:32,674 --> 00:30:33,794
No.
656
00:30:35,474 --> 00:30:36,474
No.
657
00:30:37,554 --> 00:30:38,754
No.
658
00:30:38,794 --> 00:30:41,714
Tell him that his lonesome nights
are over...
659
00:30:43,314 --> 00:30:44,674
Found him.
Found him.
660
00:30:44,714 --> 00:30:46,314
Found him.
Let's have a look.
661
00:30:47,474 --> 00:30:50,154
Fucking hell, you are kidding me.
Bollocks.
662
00:30:50,194 --> 00:30:53,314
Fucking identical. Like brothers.
663
00:30:53,354 --> 00:30:55,514
Toe tags! Toe tags!
Toe tags.
664
00:30:55,554 --> 00:30:57,154
Go on Mick.
Toe tags.
665
00:30:59,194 --> 00:31:01,474
Ah Bingo. 'Amos Quigley'!
666
00:31:01,514 --> 00:31:03,514
Good man. Which fella's that off?
667
00:31:06,034 --> 00:31:08,474
Err...
You are fucking kidding me!
668
00:31:08,514 --> 00:31:10,314
Jesus Christ Michael!
669
00:31:10,354 --> 00:31:13,834
He's got more going on upstairs than
you, and he's a fucking corpse.
670
00:31:13,874 --> 00:31:16,034
Maybe that one!
Fucking cunt.
671
00:31:17,994 --> 00:31:19,994
'Distinguishing features'?
672
00:31:20,034 --> 00:31:22,274
Yes Davey. You know
distinguishing features.
673
00:31:22,314 --> 00:31:25,714
Fucking 'ell, these teeth!
Like a scar or a birthmark.
674
00:31:25,754 --> 00:31:29,234
Right well. He did start out on
the other side of the camera,
675
00:31:29,274 --> 00:31:30,794
if you know what I mean.
676
00:31:31,714 --> 00:31:33,034
No, I don't know what you mean.
677
00:31:33,074 --> 00:31:38,194
Oh Thomas, what I am saying
is before he was big in porn,
678
00:31:38,234 --> 00:31:42,354
ooh... he was big... in porn.
679
00:31:42,394 --> 00:31:43,874
Oh...
Quite.
680
00:31:46,714 --> 00:31:48,954
Absolutely fucking not.
681
00:31:48,994 --> 00:31:50,194
Fine, Michael.
682
00:31:50,234 --> 00:31:51,514
Yeah, no I'm the driver,
683
00:31:51,554 --> 00:31:53,754
I do not investigate
fucking dead penises.
684
00:31:53,794 --> 00:31:56,274
Not a chance. Fucking Wet Greg this
is your bread and butter.
685
00:31:56,314 --> 00:31:59,194
Come on.No. No nudity unless
it was the artist's intention.
686
00:31:59,234 --> 00:32:01,154
No nudity unless it was
the artist's intention.
687
00:32:01,194 --> 00:32:03,114
You do it every day.
No way. No way.
688
00:32:03,154 --> 00:32:05,754
You have seen many dicks.
Fine!I have boundaries.
689
00:32:05,794 --> 00:32:10,634
Oh si a benya. Bloody Christ Alive.
What the hell is that.
690
00:32:10,674 --> 00:32:13,034
Christ it's making my eyes water
a little bit looking at it.
691
00:32:13,074 --> 00:32:16,714
Standard.
And that- that's him in a fridge.
692
00:32:16,754 --> 00:32:18,714
Do you know what I mean,
impressive?!
693
00:32:18,754 --> 00:32:21,594
Right, let's take Anus for a walk.
694
00:32:21,634 --> 00:32:24,714
Jack White: I'm Shakin'
695
00:32:24,754 --> 00:32:27,314
Here we go.
Nothing to see here folks.
696
00:32:29,034 --> 00:32:30,754
Heavy dead bastard.
697
00:32:35,834 --> 00:32:38,154
Right, get him in there.
Jesus.
698
00:32:38,194 --> 00:32:40,194
Is he in?
Fuck, it's come out!
699
00:32:40,234 --> 00:32:41,754
The beast is unleashed!
700
00:32:42,634 --> 00:32:44,994
(TYRES SQUEAL)
(PARTY MUSIC)
701
00:32:45,034 --> 00:32:47,594
Yeah, but it's still a muff.
702
00:32:47,634 --> 00:32:50,434
No, not if they shave it.
703
00:32:50,474 --> 00:32:52,594
The muff is the hair.
704
00:32:52,634 --> 00:32:55,794
No, the muff is the muff.
705
00:32:57,194 --> 00:33:00,034
(LAUGHTER)
Oh you daft cunt.
706
00:33:01,114 --> 00:33:03,474
Fuck. What are you serving here?
707
00:33:04,394 --> 00:33:06,994
It's the straw. It makes it go
straight to your head.
708
00:33:07,034 --> 00:33:08,914
Everyone knows that.
Well I didn't!
709
00:33:08,954 --> 00:33:11,554
Here, giz a fucking straw!
710
00:33:11,594 --> 00:33:14,994
Right, come on, bring him through.
Nothing to see here.
711
00:33:15,034 --> 00:33:16,354
Don't worry about that.
712
00:33:17,354 --> 00:33:20,194
Go on, stick him in the corner,
that's it, good work.
713
00:33:21,034 --> 00:33:23,874
Elizabeth, sweetheart, love,
birthday cakes, angel,
714
00:33:23,914 --> 00:33:27,434
do me a favour, would you just crank
up the air-conditioning,
715
00:33:27,474 --> 00:33:29,554
right to fucking max.
Almost like it's a morgue.
716
00:33:29,594 --> 00:33:32,034
Right, I'm gonna send it to Davey.
Now et Voila.
717
00:33:32,954 --> 00:33:35,794
Done it? Piece of piss that is.
The drinks are on me.
718
00:33:35,834 --> 00:33:38,714
The drinks are on Tommo!
No! No! No! (CHEERING)
719
00:33:38,754 --> 00:33:41,314
Not for you.
I meant for them three! Fuck off!
720
00:33:41,354 --> 00:33:44,874
(PROJECTOR WHIRRS)
(CREEPY CHILD TALKING)
721
00:33:51,714 --> 00:33:53,394
(PHONE CHIMING)
722
00:34:02,114 --> 00:34:04,674
(LOW, OMINOUS MUSIC)
723
00:34:10,914 --> 00:34:12,714
(LAUGHTER)
724
00:34:15,634 --> 00:34:17,954
(LOW, OMINOUS MUSIC CONTINUES)
725
00:34:20,194 --> 00:34:22,234
(INTERCOM FIZZES)
Oh hello?
726
00:34:22,274 --> 00:34:24,514
Err bit of a problem.
What?
727
00:34:24,554 --> 00:34:26,354
The on call guy isn't answering.
728
00:34:26,394 --> 00:34:28,954
Well he's not very on-call if he's
not fucking answering, is he!
729
00:34:28,994 --> 00:34:31,554
Just- just keep try him please!
Just keep trying.
730
00:34:32,274 --> 00:34:35,354
Fuck.
Think of something calm.
731
00:34:35,394 --> 00:34:37,354
Can't!
Something that calms you.
732
00:34:37,394 --> 00:34:38,714
My son. My son.
733
00:34:39,714 --> 00:34:41,474
What's his name?
Tyler.
734
00:34:41,514 --> 00:34:44,434
OK. OK. Think of Tyler.
735
00:34:45,554 --> 00:34:47,274
No, it's not working.
It's not working.
736
00:34:47,314 --> 00:34:49,514
Someone else.
Who makes you feel calm?
737
00:34:53,754 --> 00:34:56,634
That's it. You've got someone.
738
00:34:56,674 --> 00:34:58,394
Phew....Yeah. Yeah.
739
00:34:59,594 --> 00:35:02,154
Vinnie.
Is he your fella?
740
00:35:02,194 --> 00:35:05,274
No, no, it's just if I called him
he'd know what to do.
741
00:35:07,554 --> 00:35:10,314
Hey. Birmingham.
Can you call someone for us?
742
00:35:10,354 --> 00:35:13,674
Call someone?
Yeah. We need to speak to Vinnie.
743
00:35:13,714 --> 00:35:15,194
The Automatic: Monster
744
00:35:15,234 --> 00:35:17,154
What's that coming over the hill?
745
00:35:17,194 --> 00:35:20,394
Is it a monster? Is it a monster?
746
00:35:21,794 --> 00:35:23,274
Ah, there you are.
747
00:35:23,314 --> 00:35:25,234
Right well listen, I spoke
to whatsherface,
748
00:35:25,274 --> 00:35:27,314
she said we can get into
The Queen Liz by end of the-
749
00:35:27,354 --> 00:35:29,234
Mum. I got turned down.
For the license.
750
00:35:29,274 --> 00:35:30,874
Public Indecency, 2014.
751
00:35:30,914 --> 00:35:32,874
Public-? What did you do?
752
00:35:32,914 --> 00:35:35,514
Nothing I wanna discuss with my mum.
Oh fuck...
753
00:35:36,394 --> 00:35:39,274
Can we ask JJ?
Not with all that drugs shit? No.
754
00:35:40,634 --> 00:35:42,474
Well I mean, it's only paperwork.
755
00:35:42,514 --> 00:35:45,074
Whoever gets the license don't have
to actually run the place.
756
00:35:45,114 --> 00:35:47,034
They just have to say
they run the place.
757
00:35:47,074 --> 00:35:48,674
Like a silent partner?
Yeah.
758
00:35:48,714 --> 00:35:50,874
They just have to have
their application accepted.
759
00:35:50,914 --> 00:35:53,114
I mean we could ask...
(CHEERING)
760
00:35:54,474 --> 00:35:58,154
Why is everybody that we know
a total fucking reprobate?
761
00:35:59,234 --> 00:36:03,914
So I said, there's no point checking
for TB now,
762
00:36:03,954 --> 00:36:06,194
we've fucking eaten half of it'.
763
00:36:06,234 --> 00:36:10,754
(SNORES, GRUMBLES)
Fucking state of you.
764
00:36:12,114 --> 00:36:13,874
Ya lightweight cunt...
765
00:36:14,954 --> 00:36:18,794
Oh, right. Quick piss.
766
00:36:18,834 --> 00:36:20,554
Then I better get you home...
767
00:36:22,434 --> 00:36:25,914
Stevie Wonder: Superstition
768
00:36:34,794 --> 00:36:38,714
Oh. Alright yes, you fucking
turncoat! That it, is it?
769
00:36:38,754 --> 00:36:41,274
Are you gonna set yourself up
in competition against me?
770
00:36:41,314 --> 00:36:43,074
It's thirty fucking miles away.
771
00:36:43,114 --> 00:36:45,794
Not the point mate!
What about err loyalty eh?
772
00:36:45,834 --> 00:36:47,794
What loyalty to you?!
Yes.
773
00:36:47,834 --> 00:36:50,674
I'll tell you what,
you're a shitty boss y'know.
774
00:36:50,714 --> 00:36:52,674
Ow?!
You're- you're shouty,
775
00:36:52,714 --> 00:36:55,514
you're- you're petty, you're weird,
776
00:36:55,554 --> 00:36:58,194
I do all the work round here
for your shitty money!
777
00:36:58,234 --> 00:37:02,114
Anything else.
Ooh. Sorry. Quick staff meeting.
778
00:37:03,634 --> 00:37:05,154
Go on, carry on. Anymore?
779
00:37:05,194 --> 00:37:06,634
No, anyway it doesn't matters,
780
00:37:06,674 --> 00:37:09,194
because I didn't get the license,
so fucking 'ell.
781
00:37:09,234 --> 00:37:12,154
Seems like society doesn't
understand the meaning of
782
00:37:12,194 --> 00:37:14,074
the word functioning!
783
00:37:14,114 --> 00:37:18,034
God knows how a dodgy little bastard
like you got one!
784
00:37:18,074 --> 00:37:19,474
OK, alright Elizabeth.
785
00:37:19,514 --> 00:37:21,874
Erm first things first,
I'm pretty sure that err,
786
00:37:21,914 --> 00:37:24,074
terms like that in reference
to your manager is in fact
787
00:37:24,114 --> 00:37:26,434
breach of contract.
Well I haven't got a contract, so.
788
00:37:26,474 --> 00:37:29,194
I should... probably sort that,
erm secondly,
789
00:37:29,234 --> 00:37:32,314
if you own the lease,
you don't need a license-
790
00:37:32,354 --> 00:37:34,754
You do need a license!
No you don't!
791
00:37:34,794 --> 00:37:35,994
Yes you do.
OK.
792
00:37:36,034 --> 00:37:38,194
If you wanna serve alcohol, you do.
OK.
793
00:37:38,234 --> 00:37:39,594
Elizabeth, I hate saying this,
794
00:37:39,634 --> 00:37:43,154
but I have in fact now run two
successful nighttime establishments,
795
00:37:43,194 --> 00:37:45,914
OK, so I'm quite confident
when I say that,
796
00:37:45,954 --> 00:37:48,714
if you own the lease,
you don't a lic- Do you?
797
00:37:48,754 --> 00:37:51,354
Yeah.Very much so.
Pretty sure you do.It's vital.
798
00:37:51,394 --> 00:37:53,074
It's vital.
Oh dear,
799
00:37:53,114 --> 00:37:55,274
looks like we're both a bit fucked,
don't it.
800
00:37:55,314 --> 00:37:57,114
Let's hope no one tells on you.
801
00:38:00,234 --> 00:38:02,474
But...
Sugar? Come on.
802
00:38:10,114 --> 00:38:11,234
Oh fuck.
803
00:38:14,354 --> 00:38:17,594
(LOW, OMINOUS MUSIC)
804
00:38:17,634 --> 00:38:19,594
(SINISTER STING)
(SOFTLY) Fuck.
805
00:38:25,194 --> 00:38:26,954
Anus didn't have hair.
806
00:38:28,314 --> 00:38:30,594
(SCREAMS)
(SCREAMS)
807
00:38:30,634 --> 00:38:33,714
No! That's the wrong one,
that's Shirley!
808
00:38:33,754 --> 00:38:36,954
That's not Quigley-
Oh my fucking nose!
809
00:38:36,994 --> 00:38:38,394
Where- where's Quigley gone?!
810
00:38:38,434 --> 00:38:40,874
What the fuck.
I thought Jim had took you home?
811
00:38:40,914 --> 00:38:43,314
(CAR HORNS)JIM: (MUFFLED)
It's my fucking road too!
812
00:38:43,354 --> 00:38:45,834
Oh fuck.
He's got the wrong fucking mummy!
813
00:38:45,874 --> 00:38:46,914
What?
814
00:38:46,954 --> 00:38:50,274
Jim, he's drunk-driving
with a stolen corpse!
815
00:38:50,314 --> 00:38:52,154
Thomas!
Go and get him then!
816
00:38:52,194 --> 00:38:54,674
The Hives:
Hate to Say I Told You So
817
00:38:54,714 --> 00:38:56,434
Oh fucking hell.
818
00:38:56,474 --> 00:39:00,634
Lucky fucking rabbit, you are.
Oh fuck.
819
00:39:04,714 --> 00:39:08,834
Where you fucking going on holiday
this year. The fucking pyramids?
820
00:39:08,874 --> 00:39:10,314
(LAUGHS)
(CAR HORN BLARES)
821
00:39:10,354 --> 00:39:12,514
Fuck off, knob head!
822
00:39:12,554 --> 00:39:14,914
(SIRENS BLARE)
823
00:39:16,914 --> 00:39:21,314
Oh for fuck sake!
See what you've fucking done now?
824
00:39:21,354 --> 00:39:23,634
You fucking He-man cunt.
825
00:39:23,674 --> 00:39:27,914
Leave the talking to me, yeah.
Fucking keep it shut.
826
00:39:33,234 --> 00:39:34,554
(TYRES GRIND)
827
00:39:35,834 --> 00:39:38,474
Oh bollocks.
What do we do now?
828
00:39:38,514 --> 00:39:41,114
Well, go to prison
is the usual procedure.
829
00:39:43,034 --> 00:39:45,994
Keep schtum.
I'm gonna course in diplomacy.
830
00:39:46,594 --> 00:39:50,114
Alright Jim?
What the fuck is it this time?
831
00:39:50,154 --> 00:39:51,994
What is it every time?
You're pissed.
832
00:39:52,034 --> 00:39:53,794
Am I fuck.
833
00:39:53,834 --> 00:39:55,674
Jim, I can smell it on your-
834
00:39:56,474 --> 00:39:57,514
Is he alright?
835
00:39:58,914 --> 00:40:01,914
He's just wankered.
Can he breathe through all that?
836
00:40:01,954 --> 00:40:04,834
Hey, what are you, his mummy?
837
00:40:04,874 --> 00:40:07,394
Just take that shit
off his face will you.
838
00:40:07,434 --> 00:40:09,034
Oh for fuck's sake.
839
00:40:10,034 --> 00:40:12,674
(TYRES SQUEAL)
Fuck!
840
00:40:13,354 --> 00:40:14,834
Just... drive careful!
841
00:40:15,634 --> 00:40:17,554
Oscar Zulu One-Seven,
assistance required.
842
00:40:17,594 --> 00:40:19,034
(TYRES SQUEAL)
843
00:40:20,194 --> 00:40:23,954
Me drive careful?
You've just lost your fucking door!
844
00:40:24,794 --> 00:40:26,274
Jim!
Ooh fuck.
845
00:40:26,314 --> 00:40:27,634
Get in the back!
846
00:40:27,674 --> 00:40:30,794
You taking us home?
I'm not a fucking Uber?
847
00:40:30,834 --> 00:40:32,354
Thank fuck for that.
848
00:40:32,394 --> 00:40:34,594
(PHONE RINGING)
849
00:40:34,634 --> 00:40:36,194
Oh fuck off.
850
00:40:38,434 --> 00:40:40,274
Hello?
Are you Vinnie?
851
00:40:40,314 --> 00:40:41,474
Who's asking?
852
00:40:41,514 --> 00:40:44,074
Your friend Erin is stuck in a lift,
and she wants to speak to you.
853
00:40:44,114 --> 00:40:45,994
Erin, what's going on.
Are you alright?
854
00:40:46,034 --> 00:40:49,394
No Vin. No, I'm stuck.
855
00:40:49,434 --> 00:40:52,394
In a lift. And the lights keep
fucking flickering.
856
00:40:52,434 --> 00:40:53,834
Alright, look just listen.
857
00:40:53,874 --> 00:40:56,194
You've been in worst positions
than this haven't yer, eh?
858
00:40:56,234 --> 00:40:58,754
No.You got locked in
a cage with fucking lion.
859
00:41:00,394 --> 00:41:02,074
She's been having panic attacks.
860
00:41:02,114 --> 00:41:04,674
Oh hello. Who's that?
Alex, I'm here with your friend.
861
00:41:04,714 --> 00:41:07,634
She's been really kind.
She's been helping me breathe.
862
00:41:07,674 --> 00:41:11,314
Erin, what's going on sweetheart,
are you OK?
863
00:41:11,354 --> 00:41:12,434
No.
864
00:41:13,314 --> 00:41:15,994
It's since the coach Vin. Look,
865
00:41:16,034 --> 00:41:21,474
I haven't told you, but I keep
getting really, really bad anxiety.
866
00:41:21,514 --> 00:41:23,114
Right well it's-
I mean that's normal.
867
00:41:23,154 --> 00:41:25,314
That's natural.
We all nearly fucking died.
868
00:41:25,354 --> 00:41:27,954
No, Vin. I mean it,
like really, really bad.
869
00:41:28,874 --> 00:41:30,594
And I just keep thinking like...
870
00:41:30,634 --> 00:41:34,274
First it was Dylan, then the coach.
What's next?
871
00:41:35,274 --> 00:41:37,074
Well they say things come
in three's.
872
00:41:37,114 --> 00:41:39,154
Well, yeah they do...
873
00:41:39,194 --> 00:41:41,834
But I mean there'll be a bloody sell
by date on that, won't there,
874
00:41:41,874 --> 00:41:43,714
things come in fucking
three's I mean Christ?
875
00:41:43,754 --> 00:41:45,874
I just don't want anything
else bad to happen.
876
00:41:45,914 --> 00:41:49,474
Sweetheart.
Nothing else bad is gonna happen.
877
00:41:49,514 --> 00:41:52,194
(GENTLE SOMBRE MUSIC)
878
00:41:53,954 --> 00:41:55,794
I'm all dressed up for Halloween.
879
00:41:58,914 --> 00:42:01,754
Halloween always reminds me of
when I found out I was pregnant.
880
00:42:03,434 --> 00:42:04,914
I remember err...
881
00:42:06,314 --> 00:42:09,394
..walking down to the shops...
in shock.
882
00:42:10,194 --> 00:42:11,594
Sat down on this bench...
883
00:42:13,034 --> 00:42:16,114
..and Frankenstein come
and sat next to me.
884
00:42:16,154 --> 00:42:17,754
He saw that I was crying.
885
00:42:17,794 --> 00:42:19,234
(MUSIC CONTINUES)
886
00:42:19,274 --> 00:42:21,074
And he said it'll all be OK.
887
00:42:22,234 --> 00:42:23,234
And it was.
888
00:42:25,754 --> 00:42:27,954
You know,
I didn't think I wanted a baby.
889
00:42:29,674 --> 00:42:33,154
That boy,
has bonded us for life Vin.
890
00:42:34,594 --> 00:42:37,074
And I want you to be
in his life forever,
891
00:42:37,114 --> 00:42:39,914
and I don't want anything-
anything bad to happen.
892
00:42:41,514 --> 00:42:42,674
Listen.
893
00:42:42,714 --> 00:42:46,514
Nothing else bad's gonna happen
sweetheart for God's sake it's-
894
00:42:46,554 --> 00:42:49,994
Life's been good. We've been fucking
seizing every day out 'ere.Vin.
895
00:42:52,394 --> 00:42:53,914
You're my best friend.
896
00:42:54,914 --> 00:42:56,554
You've always had my back.
897
00:43:00,314 --> 00:43:05,914
And in another universe,
you, me and Tyler...
898
00:43:07,434 --> 00:43:10,194
..would be together
like a normal family.
899
00:43:11,874 --> 00:43:14,474
I wish I could find that universe,
love.
900
00:43:17,674 --> 00:43:18,834
Yeah me too.
901
00:43:19,914 --> 00:43:22,394
Listen, I'll say it,
just so it's said.
902
00:43:23,274 --> 00:43:24,714
Erin.
Hmm.
903
00:43:27,994 --> 00:43:29,514
I love you.
904
00:43:33,954 --> 00:43:36,714
I love you.
And I love- I love Tyler.
905
00:43:37,994 --> 00:43:41,994
And I know I don't sound very brave
now, but I'll always help you,
906
00:43:42,034 --> 00:43:43,714
if ever need me.
907
00:43:44,594 --> 00:43:48,314
If you ever get stuck in
a lift again, y'know I just...
908
00:43:50,674 --> 00:43:52,914
I just want to be
the one that you ring?
909
00:43:54,794 --> 00:43:55,994
Do you promise?
910
00:43:58,914 --> 00:44:00,314
Yeah, I promise.
911
00:44:03,234 --> 00:44:06,314
One sec.
The lift engineer's calling.
912
00:44:06,354 --> 00:44:08,474
I'll put you on hold.
Thank God.
913
00:44:11,394 --> 00:44:14,274
(GENTLE GUITAR MUSIC)
914
00:44:18,194 --> 00:44:19,754
Why not this universe?
915
00:44:26,114 --> 00:44:28,234
(ELEVATOR JOLTS, MOVES)
916
00:44:29,634 --> 00:44:31,554
(CHEERING)
917
00:44:33,674 --> 00:44:36,634
Oh thank God. Oh God my heart.
My heart. My heart. My heart.
918
00:44:36,674 --> 00:44:40,434
(GROANS) Right.
There you very much go love.
919
00:44:40,474 --> 00:44:43,314
Thank you Thomas.
It's alright. Actually looks err...
920
00:44:43,354 --> 00:44:44,954
looks quite peaceful there,
don't he.
921
00:44:44,994 --> 00:44:46,474
Not for long.
(SINISTER STING)
922
00:44:46,514 --> 00:44:48,994
Oh, oh fucking hell Davey,
alright, do you know what?
923
00:44:49,034 --> 00:44:51,394
Reckon I've got somert I could just
be getting on with-
924
00:44:51,434 --> 00:44:53,154
Oh fuck it.
I'm just gonna say it, mate.
925
00:44:53,194 --> 00:44:54,354
I'm sorry,
926
00:44:54,394 --> 00:44:58,554
but do you think maybe it's possible
that even by your standards,
927
00:44:58,594 --> 00:45:00,394
you've gone to
a slightly weird place.
928
00:45:01,634 --> 00:45:04,074
No offence! No offence!
No offence meant.
929
00:45:04,114 --> 00:45:06,634
Right, I just mean, do you think
lately cooped up in here,
930
00:45:06,674 --> 00:45:08,274
you're going a bit fucking nuts eh?
931
00:45:08,314 --> 00:45:10,114
I've no other option,
do I sweetheart?!
932
00:45:10,154 --> 00:45:12,394
Well what I'm saying is,
maybe you do, maybe it's time
933
00:45:12,434 --> 00:45:14,634
that you spoke to Joey Kittens.
Yes, I've tried that.
934
00:45:14,674 --> 00:45:17,274
Maybe, maybe we broker a truce,
how's about that? Clear the air.
935
00:45:17,314 --> 00:45:20,234
And speaking of which, have you
thought about popping open a window?
936
00:45:20,274 --> 00:45:22,754
Cause it does sort of... stink.
937
00:45:22,794 --> 00:45:24,714
I'll think about it.
938
00:45:24,754 --> 00:45:26,034
The window or-?
The meeting.
939
00:45:26,074 --> 00:45:27,474
Meeting.Thomas.
Oh yes.
940
00:45:27,514 --> 00:45:28,794
Now, if you do not mind,
941
00:45:28,834 --> 00:45:32,714
Mr Quigley and I have got
some catching up to do.
942
00:45:32,754 --> 00:45:36,154
In honour of my brother.
No, you knock yourself out.
943
00:45:36,194 --> 00:45:38,914
I tell you what just err, put a
sheet down, before yeah butcher-
944
00:45:38,954 --> 00:45:40,114
Ah OK.
945
00:45:42,954 --> 00:45:46,794
Oh I've been looking forward
to this, Anus. For a long time...
946
00:45:47,714 --> 00:45:50,154
What a shame
that our Barry's not here.
947
00:45:50,194 --> 00:45:53,114
Hmm. Oh he'd be saying...
948
00:45:54,354 --> 00:45:56,954
Well, he was man of few words,
as you know.
949
00:45:58,114 --> 00:46:01,474
But deceptively adept at word games.
950
00:46:02,234 --> 00:46:05,994
Those tiny tiles in those big hands.
951
00:46:07,954 --> 00:46:09,274
Rare talent that...
952
00:46:10,714 --> 00:46:12,114
Rare talent.
953
00:46:14,954 --> 00:46:17,474
(GENTLE MUSIC)
954
00:46:33,114 --> 00:46:34,594
(MUSIC FADES, ENDS)
955
00:46:36,154 --> 00:46:37,674
(DOOR BELL RINGS)
956
00:46:41,434 --> 00:46:45,354
Jehan err... How did you err..?
Tony at the pub.
957
00:46:45,394 --> 00:46:48,514
Listen, don't worry, I'm not here to
tell him his dad's a spineless liar,
958
00:46:48,554 --> 00:46:50,874
I know how that feels.
I need something.
959
00:46:51,834 --> 00:46:54,554
And seeing as you haven't given me
anything, my entire adult life,
960
00:46:54,594 --> 00:46:56,114
you are gonna give it to me.
961
00:46:56,874 --> 00:46:58,194
What?
962
00:46:58,234 --> 00:46:59,434
A signature.
963
00:47:02,514 --> 00:47:04,354
License to sell alcohol?
964
00:47:04,394 --> 00:47:06,154
Yeah. Yeah. It was just err...
965
00:47:06,194 --> 00:47:08,354
you know a little something
I need for my family.
966
00:47:08,394 --> 00:47:10,994
What if it goes all tit's up?Yeah.
It's a fucking worry, isn't it.
967
00:47:11,034 --> 00:47:12,834
I mean, you don't really
know if you trust me.
968
00:47:12,874 --> 00:47:14,634
You don't really know what
sort of a man I am.
969
00:47:14,674 --> 00:47:16,154
Who's fucking fault is that?
970
00:47:16,194 --> 00:47:20,194
Ask yourself if you are happy
971
00:47:21,114 --> 00:47:23,874
And then you'll cease to be...
972
00:47:23,914 --> 00:47:26,314
(APPLAUSE)
973
00:47:28,714 --> 00:47:29,794
Did, alright.
974
00:47:29,834 --> 00:47:32,114
I'm lost for words.
975
00:47:32,154 --> 00:47:37,154
Aye. Well look erm...
Thank you for everything and erm.
976
00:47:37,194 --> 00:47:38,874
Sorry for erm...
977
00:47:40,114 --> 00:47:43,194
..everything.
Good luck with the Queen's Arse.
978
00:47:45,714 --> 00:47:49,674
It's a bit quiet at Ramlington.
Yeah, it's a bit too quiet.
979
00:47:49,714 --> 00:47:53,154
So erm, well you haven't get
a license. And I...
980
00:47:53,194 --> 00:47:55,154
I have got a license...
981
00:47:55,194 --> 00:47:57,634
Why don't you just pay me double,
and make me a manager -
982
00:47:57,674 --> 00:47:59,714
and I'll run the place for you,
like...
983
00:47:59,754 --> 00:48:02,674
I'll stay here.
What does... what do you think?
984
00:48:09,234 --> 00:48:12,394
Fine.
Shake her hand then, you dozy prick!
985
00:48:12,434 --> 00:48:14,514
Right. Right.
986
00:48:14,554 --> 00:48:16,474
(LAUGHTER AND CHEERING)
987
00:48:19,514 --> 00:48:21,394
Sorry. Think we're stuck with her.
988
00:48:21,434 --> 00:48:23,634
Ah well y'know,
there are worser things.
989
00:48:23,674 --> 00:48:26,554
And you've changed your tune.
Yeah, well y'know...
990
00:48:26,594 --> 00:48:27,634
It's family.
991
00:48:27,674 --> 00:48:30,794
Right, who wants a drink?
They're on the house!
992
00:48:30,834 --> 00:48:34,474
(CHEERING)
Fucking hell! No Elizabeth.
993
00:48:34,514 --> 00:48:36,674
Oh my God!
I think he just said something.
994
00:48:36,714 --> 00:48:38,994
What?! What did he say?!
I think, he might have said 'mum'
995
00:48:39,034 --> 00:48:41,314
or something.
(SHUSHING)
996
00:48:43,514 --> 00:48:45,594
Fuck.
(LAUGHTER)
997
00:48:46,634 --> 00:48:47,794
Brilliant.
998
00:48:51,394 --> 00:48:54,834
(SINISTER MUSIC)
999
00:48:54,874 --> 00:48:56,314
James Brown: I Feel Good
1000
00:48:56,354 --> 00:48:58,234
Dismember.
I feel good
1001
00:49:00,194 --> 00:49:02,034
I knew that I would now
1002
00:49:03,754 --> 00:49:05,274
I feel good
What?
1003
00:49:06,554 --> 00:49:11,794
Oh yes, I'll help you out
again sweetheart.
1004
00:49:11,834 --> 00:49:16,314
Hmmm... Well, I suppose we
could erm,
1005
00:49:16,354 --> 00:49:19,954
turn... the... tables.
1006
00:49:24,914 --> 00:49:27,594
What? On Joey Kittens?
1007
00:49:28,594 --> 00:49:31,794
(MUSIC FLARES)
1008
00:49:33,674 --> 00:49:35,554
(LOW, TENSE MUSIC)
1009
00:49:38,354 --> 00:49:41,714
Davey and Kittens
are gonna fucking meet, finally.
1010
00:49:45,314 --> 00:49:47,474
Just like the last supper.
1011
00:49:49,034 --> 00:49:52,954
But which one of you is
Judas Iscariot.
1012
00:50:01,554 --> 00:50:03,314
What the fuck have you done man!
1013
00:50:17,354 --> 00:50:21,034
Subtitles by Sky Access Services
www.skyaccessibility.sky
1014
00:50:21,084 --> 00:50:25,634
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
76799
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