All language subtitles for Acting Good s04e01 Diamond in the Bush.eng

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Original subtitles

Ah-chi!

Look�at�those�big�cheeks.

I�should�wake�him�up, he�probably�needs�a�change.

What's�wrong�with�you, Stephen�Harper?

You�never�wake�a�sleeping�baby.

I�paid�for�that�bologna.

Give�it�back.

Paul�Junior�just�woke�up.

All:�Ah.

You�have�21�seconds.�Times�up!

Great,�he's�having nap-terrors�again.

Oh,�he�must�have got�into�PJ�snacks.

I�want�my�bologna.

I'll�handle�this.

Easy,�Paul.

There,�there. Nobody�took�your�bologna

and�nobody�needs�to�get�hurt.

(grunting)

Your�dads�are just�horsing�around.

(grunting)

?�'Cause�I�can�love�you,�baby�?

?�All�night�long�?

Roger:�This�is Laughingstick�in�the�Morning

and�we're�celebrating Agnes'�birthday�today,

and�what�a�year�it's�been!

Her�daughter,�Jo, became�National�Chief

and�lives�in�Ottawa.�Ho'leh!

With�Jo�gone,�Agnes�had Paul's�attachment�chopped�off

and�reattached�to�the�lodge so�Chickadee�can�be�close�by.

That's�two�grandkids in�the�same�house.

Everything's�coming�up,�Agnes!

Hopefully�the�weather will�hold�up,

but,�in�the�meantime, here's�Sassy�Molassy

and�the�Sassy�Molassies with�their�hit�song,

"Who�Put�the�Sassy in�My�Molassy?"

This�one's�for�you,�Chief�Jo. Good�luck�in�Ottawa.

Everyone,�quick!�Get�in�here!

Paul�Jr.�is�gonna�put�on�a�show.

(chuckling)

Yo,�PJ�the�DJ.�Drop�that�beat!

I�said,�PJ�the�DJ, drop�that�beat,�yo!

Okay,�that's�enough. You're�grounded!�No�back�talk.

Are�we�done?�I�gotta�get to�work�at�the�band�office.

I�packed�your�lunch and�coffee's�on�the�counter.

(kissing)

Don't�worry,�babe. He's�only�18�months,�okay?

Most�babies�don't�even�start spinning�until�pre-school.

I�just�don't�get�it. We�worked�so�hard.

Give�him�time.

You�were�in�diapers until�you�were�nine.

Does�anybody�want anything�else�to�eat

before�I�clean�the�kitchen?

Shut�up,�Stephen�Harper.

If�my�baby�didn't have�your�weird�DNA,

we'd�be�making�fat stacks�in�Ibiza�right�now.

?

?�That�campfire�is�a�whore�?

?�And�it�hurt�so�bad�?

So,�who�wants�to hear�that�song�again?

Rose: Three�times�is�probably�enough.

Maybe�we�should start�the�meeting?

(groaning) Buzzkill.

Fine,�you�win,

but�you�know�why they�call�a�band�office

a�band�office?

Because�we're�all�like�a�band.

Lips,�rhythm�guitar.

Me?�Lead�everything.

And�Rose.

(phone�ringing)

Oh,�that�sounds�like a�job�for�the�roadie.

Hey,�this�roadie�isn't a�receptionist�anymore,

this�roadie�is an�elected�councillor.

Don't�look�at�me, I'm�rhythm�guitar.

It's�bad�optics�if the�lead�singer�gets�it.

Well,�can�we�just�hire a�new�receptionist?

It's�Gripin'�Season and�everyone�has�a�complaint.

But�a�roadie�does a�little�bit�of�everything.

Drives�the�bus,�carry�gear,

make�sure�there's�no�uglies sitting�in�the�front�row.

I�can�actually�play a�mean�slide-whistle.

Look�at�that,�problem�solved.

Let's�hear�that�song one�more�time.

Hey,�Rose,�since�you're�roadie, can�you�grab�me�a�soda?

Oh,�fuck�off.

?

So,�then�I�said�to�user�7845,

"I'm�making�finger�tapping noises�on�a�microphone,

so�how�is�that�woke?"

Are�you�listening?

Uh,�yeah,�totally.

Woke�tapping.

Anyway,�I�wanted�to�talk.

Now?�I'm�kinda�busy.

Man: Yo,�Chickadee!

Oh,�shit,�one�sec.

The�fuck,�I'm�on�a�call, and�you�used�the�wrong�door.

That's�the�door�to�the�lodge, that's�my�door,

'cause�I�have my�have�own�place.

Okay,�take�it�easy�slum�lord.

(door�closing)

Sorry,�bad�reception.

Maybe�we�should pick�this�up�later.

Now's�good.

S'that�better�then?

We�brought�fries,�bro. They're�so�sturdy.

I�thought�you�were�alone?

Sorry.�Bad�Wi-Fi.

Chickadee,�you're�frozen.

Chickadee?�I�really wanted�to�talk�to�you.

Is�that�Tavis�and�Sophia?

Damn�Wi-Fi.

Alright,�gimme�the�fries.

We�told�you,�man. We�don't�work�until�we're�paid.

And�we�were�promised five�freezies.

You�never�mess�with a�man's�freezies.

Listen�here,�little�mans.

I�told�you,�you�get�paid when�the�job's�done,

and�last�I�checked, job's�not�done.

Bro,�are�you�ready?

We�gotta�get�to�the�airport and�pick�up�the�entertainment

for�my�ma's�birthday�party.

Oh,�yeah.�We�got�the�best

Lou�Diamond�Phillips impersonator�in�the�biz.

Lou�Diamond�Phillips?

You�got�your�mom�a�screwdriver?

No,�Lou�Diamond�Phillips, the�actor,

and�we�hired�an�impersonator�to perform�scenes�from�his�movies

for�Agnes's�birthday.

Yeah,�and�not�only�is Lou�Diamond�an�actor,

but�he's�the�gold�standard for�Indigenous-ish�roles.

He�played�all�the�coolest Indigenous�roles.

Yeah.�Not�like�today,

where�you�wussies�have real�Indigenous�actors.

Yeah,�man. He�was�Chavez�in�Young�Guns,

he�also�played�a�deadly�Inuk in�Shadow�of�the�Wolf,

and�he�was�even Ritchie�Valens�in�La�Bamba.

Natives�love�him,

even�though�he's�just a�itty�bitty�tiny�bit�Cherokee.

Whatever�he�was, he�had�all�of�our�hearts.

Yeah,�white�kids�had�Jesus up�on�their�wall,�but�us?

Hm.�We�had�good�ol'�lucky�Lou.

(chuckling)

Check�it�out.

That's�our�guy.

Man,�he�looked so�cool�on�a�horse.

What�the...

Guy,�two�Mississippis.�Come�on.

Yeah�Man?�More�like�weird�guys.

We�quit.

Man,�dating�a�girl over�the�iPad�is�sick.

I�can�just,�like, turn�her�off�whenever�I�want�to.

Oh,�yeah,�that's�the�ticket.

(knocking)

Other�door!

(game�beeping)

I�thought�you�said you�were�busy?

(imitating�whip�crack)

Hey,�listen, I�see�that�you're�mad,

but�do�you�think you�could�use�the�other�door?

(game�beeping)

Oh,�man,�here�he�comes.

Alright,�when�he�gets�out, play�it�cool.

Yeah,�man,�I�know. Two�Mississippis.

?�Bamba,�bamba�?

?�Bamba,�bamba�?

?�Bamba,�bamba�?

That's�our�Lou�Diamond�Phillips?

(all�clamouring)

Everyone,�please!�Calm�down!

Hey!�She�stole�my�gripe.

I�was�gonna�tell everyone�to�calm�down.

Yeah,�Chief�and�Council�sucks!

Deedee?

Sorry,�I-�I�got caught�up�in�the�moment.

You�see�what�I'm�dealing�with?

(sighing)�We�need a�new�receptionist,�asap.

Yeah,�well, you�better�get�on�that.

I-�I�got�to,�uh...�I�gotta�go.

(phone�ringing, crowd�clamouring)

Seen�this�before.

The�Stony�Mountain�riot�of�1988.

This�nothing�like�that,�Hilda.

I�dunno.�When�a�riot�brews, the�big�dog�has�to�step�up.

(phone�ringing, crowd�clamouring)

I�could�be�that�big�dog.

Okay,�guy.

I�did�this�job�for�five�years.

You�think�anyone�can�just stroll�in�and�do�it?�Hm?

You�know,�it's�people like�you�who�think�that

anyone�can�just�waltz�in�here-

Hey,�June�Bug.

If�this�is�a�gripe, get�to�the�back�of�the�line.

Oh,�sorry.

Oh,�you're�good.

No�shit.

Paul: What�the�fuck?

He's�supposed�to�be�a�diamond, not�an�old�lump�of�coal.

Plus,�he�looks�like a�Crown�Royal�bag.

What�are�you�talking�about,�bro?

Lou�Diamond�Phillips�isn't�bald.

So�what,�man?

Actors�transform�when they�play�characters.

Eddie�Murphy�didn't�look�like a�Donkey�when�he�played�Shrek.

That�was�a�cartoon,�bro.

So�what,�man?�The�guy's�a�pro.

The�guy�is�a�no.

Hey,�Stew.

Professional�Lou�Diamond Phillips�impersonator.

Diamond�Inc. Yeah,�I�do�all�the�Diamonds.

Lou,�Neil,�Dustin, Mike�from�the�Beastie�Boys.

Nobody�does�Diamonds like�Diamond�Inc.

It's�okay,�man. You�already�got�the�job,�bro.

(sniffing)

there's�a�little doubt�on�the�big�one.

Just�not�feeling that�Lou�vibe,�I�guess.

It's�called�acting, have�you�heard�of�it?

Well,�then�show�me,�then.

Nah,�ah-ah.�You�guys�got the�Cubic�Zirconia�package.

That's�one�photo, one�meet-and-greet,

plus�a�special�Lou�Diamond Phillips

scene�for�the�birthday�girl.

Anything�extra�costs�extra.

You�fucked�us.

This�guy's�just a�sickly�white�guy.

Sickly?

(chuckling) I�was�talking�to�him.

Alright,�boys.�Grab�my�bags and�take�me�to�the�venue.

Right�after�this, I�gotta�do�a�Young�Guns�2

for�a�Kookum�in�Sapotaweyak.

You�get�in�the�middle. Paul,�you�get�in�the�back.

Statistically�speaking, that's�the�safest�spot.

(Paul�groaning)

Easy,�easy. You�break�me,�you�bought�me.

So,�you�got�the�phone over�there,�pretty�standard,

and�we�schedule everything�on�this�computer.

Sorry,�I�don't�do�computers.

Okay,�but�they're kinda�important.

These�things�are highly�traceable.

I'm�not�going�back to�Stony�Mountain.

Stony�Mountain's�a�men's�prison.

You�calling�me�a�liar,�Cellie?

Okay,�I�have�to�go to�Agnes'�party�now.

So,�for�now, just�write�everything�down.

In�prison�we�call�that�a�kite.

(water�pouring)

Oh,�hey,�Lips. You�know�the�rule?

Last�one�who�drinks�the�coffee has�to�make�a�new�pot.

No,�no,�no.�That's�gen�pop.

I'm�talking�about first�day�inside.

You�gotta�fight�the�wheel.

No�wheels�here.

We'll�see�about�that.

Your�place�is�smaller

and�messier�than�on�camera.

Yeah,�I�was�gonna�clean�all�day, but�then�these�two�barged�in.

Why�don't�you�two get�out�of�here?

Good,�because�I�wanted�to ask�you�something�serious.

Why�don't�you�two�get�back�here?

Don't�you�think�you being�here�is�risky?

Our�families�are�enemies.

I�don't�care�about�that.

That�Bittern�and�Buttern thing�is�so�dumb.

Yeah,�so�dumb.

Hey,�why�don't�you grab�a�controller?

We're�playing�God�of�Loitering.

Could�we�just�have�a�second?

But�we're�just�about�to get�kicked�out�of�the�mall.

I�wanna�talk�about�moving�in.

(game�beeping)

Moving�in,�hey?

Uh,�but�we�gotta�move�out for�Kookoo's�party.

You�said�that�shit's�boring.

Yeah,�because�isn't�that an�old�people�party?

I�never�said�that. What�a�stupid�lie.

Why�would�you�make�up a�stupid�lie�like�that?

Fuck.�Filthy�liars.

Why�don't�you�two�just�sit�there

and�think�about the�lie�you�just�told?

(groaning) I'm�so�mad.

(game�beeping)

Okay,�okay.

'Kay.�Beat�it. Here�comes�security.

?

Bros�and�bro'settes!

May�I�have your�attention,�please?

We�wanted�to�do something�special�for�Agnes,

because�she's the�best�Kookum�ever.

Here�he�is,�and�he�wasn't�cheap,

Stew�Diamond�Phillips!

(all�cheering,�clapping)

Who�needs�a�Lou when�you�got�a�Stew?

(laughing)

Okay,�there's�enough Stew�to�go�around.

Hey!�Back�up,�back�up. This�Diamond's�got�sharp�edges.

Now�I'm�looking�for a�white�girl�from�the�Valley.

Anyone�see�her?

Oh,�pick�me!�Daga�niin!

I�was�thinking�maybe�somebody more�in�the�diamond�section.

(guests�gasping)

There's�my�Valley�Girl.

(laughing)

Hello,�Lou.�I�mean,�Stew.

Here,�these�are�for�you.

Try�to�follow�my�lead.

Okay!�Take�it�easy,�guy!

(all�laughing)

(cheering)

Stew,�where�are�we�going?

My�dad�said�to�totally�stay�away from�fast�boys�like�you.

(all�laughing)

Just�a�little�place called�Make-Out�Point.

Guests:�Ooh!

I've�totally heard�of�that�place.

Nimaamaa!�No!�No,�no,�no! Don't�go�to�that�place!

Your�dad�was�right.

Buddy,�get�off�the�road. Honk,�honk!

-�(gasping) -�(laughing)

-�(imitating�speeding�car) -�(crowd�laughing)

(thunder�rumbling)

Hey,�is�now�a�good�time�to�talk?

Uh,�yeah,�for�sure.

I'm�just�thirsty�as�shit and�my�mouth�is�pretty�dry.

Oh,�I'll�get�you something�to�drink.

Chickadee?

She�fuckin'�greased�me.

(thunder�rumbling)

Like�Make�Out�Point�is totally�beautiful�or�whatever.

Not�as�beautiful�as�you.

That's�why I�wrote�you�this�song.

?�Oh,�oh,�oh�?

Okay,�everybody,�give�it�up for�Stew�Diamond�Phillips

and�his�fast�hands.�Great�job!

Ho'leh�heck�boy! You're�just�killing�it!

You�need�to�relax.

If�he's�late, he's�gonna�charge�us�double!

No,�no. Stew�can�make�time�for�this.

(gasping)�Yeah,�you�paid a�lot�of�money�for�Stew.

Why�don't�you�let�him�finish�it?

But,�Ma,�my�birthday�picture.

Uh,�how�about�later?

How�about�now? (laughing)

As�you�all�know,�every�year I�paint�a�picture�for�my�ma

and�it's�basically�the�greatest moment�of�her�entire�life.

Sorry,�Stew,�he�does�this.

Happy�birthday,�Ma! (chuckling)

(guests�exclaiming)

More�Stew,�less�art.

It's�beautiful,�Paul.

You're�always going�off�about�Stew,

but�what�about�me?

Hey,�Paul'blo�Paul'caso, I'm�on�the�clock�here.

You're�about�to�get�clocked.

Oh,�is�that�a�threat?

(grunting)

(gasping)

Hey!�Give�that�back!

Show's�over!

Yeah,�you�heard�him. Show's�over.

We�haven't�done our�meet�and�greet.

Or�the�autographs.

I�want�my�intimate�photo!

I�still�get�paid the�exact�same�amount,

plus�damages�to�my�necklace.

Stew,�no�planes�are flying�in�this�weather.

Stay�the�night.

I�bet�you�he�would�love�that.

Yeah.�You�know,�you're�right.

It�does�look kinda�bad�out�there.

It's�okay,�bro.�I�got�a�plan.

(thunder�rumbling)

No,�no!�You�read�my�contract! In�the�event�of�bad�weather,

you�have�to provide�accommodation.

That's�crazy!

You�have�another party�to�get�to.

Yeah,�you�want�to�break the�heart�of�that�Kookoom

in�Sapotaweyak?

No�one�does�Diamonds like�Diamond�Inc,�remember?

Well,�where's�this�pilot?

Uh,�here�he�is. I�got�him�on�the�Buy�and�Sell.

This�guy�can�fly�planes?

Hey,�relax. It's�just�an�infection.

Yeah.�He�can�see�fine.

Well,�not�really.

I�don't�know.

Tell�you�what. Heads�you�stay,�tails�you�leave.

Alright.

I�think�it�said�tails!

Really?�Damn�it. Alright.�Let's�go�then.

This�way,�bro.

(dog�barking)

Oh,�shit.

How�did�you�get�in�here?

Through�the�door.

Which�one?

Would�you�give�it a�rest�with�that?

Alright,�I'm�sorry. Have�a�seat.

I�guess,�um...

I'm�just�scared I'm�going�to�let�you�down.

I�like�my�fuck-around�time and�I�don't�want�to�fuck�up.

I�don't�want�you�to�change. I�want�you�to�be�Chickadee.

You�wanna�be�here�with�me even�if�I'm�just�me?

Yeah,�every�day.

You're�sure?

Yes,�I'm�sure.

Alright�then.�Let's�celebrate.

With�lard�and�bannock.

I'll�grab�the�lard.

Only�the�deadly�ones do�it�though.

That's�fuckin'�good.

-�Yeah,�right? -�Mm-hm.

(crowd�clamouring)

One�at�a�time,�please!

I�got�a�complaint�about the�dam�behind�Elma's�house.

The�beavers�are�making�it�weird. Giiwishkwe�amikwag!

Sorry,�Gramps, didn't�mean�to�overhear�you.

Next�time�you�wanna�see�Rose,

you�make�sure�you come�see�me�first,�hey?

Right,�right. Rose,�my�apologies.

I�will�call�ahead�next�time

to�make�an�appointment.

Gripin'�Season is�officially�over.

(phone�ringing)

Holy�shit,�Hilda.

I�think�this�might just�work�out.

I�think�you�made the�right�decision.

Just�remember,�I�get�paid�in

hard�boiled�eggs and�noodle�cups.

?

(music�stopping)

We�interrupt�this�song for�some�breaking�news.

As�the�bad�weather�picked�up late�into�the�evening,

Stew�Diamond�Phillips'�plane went�down�in�Bloodvein.

Details�are�sketchy.

We'll�have�more�information as�it�becomes�available.

I�don't�know�what�to�say.

Heartbreaking�news�like�this deserves�a�heartbreaking�song.

?

Stew!

(crying)

Roger:�More�breaking�news�about the�breaking�news�from�before.

Stew�Diamond�Phillips�plane technically�did�go�down

in�Bloodvein,�but�only�because it�landed�there�perfectly.

My�mistake.

I�really�should�read�all�of the�words�in�front�of�me.

So�we�ran�up a�hill�for�nothing!?

Yeah,�man, but�at�least�Stew�didn't�die.

At�least�you�two�aren't going�to�jail�for�murder.

Yeah,�but�we�still ran�up�a�hill�though.

Come�on,�little�buddy! Hop�on�the�ones�and�twos.

Show�'em�what�you�got. Make�papa�proud.

Uh,�hey,�babe, maybe�take�it�easy�on�him.

Nah,�he's�got�this.

Sometimes�you just�have�to�let�go.

(sighing) Yeah.�You're�right.

We'll�just�sell�all�his�DJ equipment�on�the�buy�and�sell.

Mm.

It�was�never�his�dream, anyway,�just�yours.

Yeah,�fine.�We'll�just let�him�play�with�his�trucks

that�he�loves�so�much.

Mm-hm.

?

?

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