Original subtitles

Yeah. Yeah.

Good evening.

I'm Lusty Linda, and this is Sex Search.

And speaking of sex, do we have a show for you tonight.

We sent our sex -sposure camera to the home of country -western star Rip Levi

for an interview last week.

We never got that interview, and here's why.

Good job.

It's gonna make me happy, right?

Right? I don't think that's what the agency had in mind.

Yeah, that's right.

It's like a little lipstick.

Yes.

Yes.

Let's see. Let's see, baby.

Ooh.

Ooh,

faster, baby.

Yeah, faster, faster, faster.

Ooh.

Ooh.

I love that.

See what it is, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Thank you.

I love you.

uh

Oh. Oh.

Oh, yeah.

Ooh. Ooh.

Oh.

Oh, that was something else.

That was something else.

I'm going to recommend you very highly to your agency. You're a hell of a

worker. Hell of a worker.

That's so nice.

Can I do it again?

Oh, I'd love to do it again, but... I'd love to do it again, but I have this

interview.

getting enough out of this racket i'm a star and i deserve more i know how you

feel baby but the producer said it's just not in the budget well how would

producers like it if i just kind of walked off this gig you know you think

can replace me with any old bimbo off the street shh that's what the producer

said what that if you left he could replace you with any bimbo off the

don't give him any ideas that's slimy sleazy no good

Hello. Back so soon?

Have I got a tidbit for you.

You remember Troy Nova said that this time his marriage was for keeps? Well,

sexposure cameras followed Troy around for a couple of days. And guess who we

found him with?

His wife.

But not the current one.

Watch.

I miss you, baby.

You know, we were so good together.

I still don't know why you left.

Because you were shacking up with the little slut groupie, Wendy.

Oh.

Well, look, now that I'm married to her, I really don't think I should let you

talk about it like that.

Married? Since when did that ever stop you? You fucked everyone in town when

were married to me. Now, that ain't true, honey. I was faithful to you. You

that.

Where were you on our honeymoon?

You fucked a hotel maid in the linen closet.

All right, baby, I was letting off a little steam. I mean, I didn't want to

too forceful with you or nothing.

Bullshit. Now, why the fuck am I here, and where's the little slut?

Well, Wendy's out shopping, and she'll be gone for a few hours. I thought I'd

get you over here to talk to you about the alimony. Honey, you're killing me.

Hey, bud, you play the game, you pay the price.

Baby.

You know, anything I can do to, like, you know, get you to change your mind.

Not a fucking thing.

You'll get nothing with the baby.

It might be hard.

He did.

I don't know what else anybody could teach you.

You always could talk to him, baby.

Always could do that.

I had to get my dick hard without touching it.

See them titties, girl.

Boy did like putting them in this area.

See them little brown nipples, girl.

Give me a little baby.

Come on, give me a little baby.

Come on, give me a little baby.

I'm not afraid you can't handle it.

I don't want to touch you either.

You're going to be sorry you said that. You're going to be sorry you said that.

Sure, thank you.

My name, don't you?

Smeary, huh?

Do you remember these things?

Hmm.

Yeah.

You don't know Smeary might be missing you then?

Bye now.

You still remember what to do, baby.

You should work fast.

Work fast, baby.

Oh God!

You got

a good neck.

Thank you.

Thank you.

But, boom.

um oh

Thank you.

What do you think I did?

Yeah. Yeah.

Fuck me.

Fuck me.

Fuck me.

Yeah. Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Yeah, first.

Where are you going?

Yeah, you wanted a heart of Sophia, darling?

Yeah. I'll tell you what, honey.

What's your sign for a piece of paper on the dotted line down there?

Sign? Yeah. What is it?

Oh, it's just kind of legal stuff, baby.

I'm not giving up my alimony.

Oh, that's too bad, baby. That's too bad. Maybe I better stop, huh? No, don't

talk about that. I'll sign it for you. No, okay.

Okay.

Thank you, baby.

You know, Troy, that piece of paper doesn't mean a fucking thing.

Oh, yes, it does.

No, no, it doesn't. I signed it under duress.

Honey, there's no way you can prove anything. I mean, there ain't no

I thought you might try something like this.

So I wanted to make sure you wouldn't get away with it.

What are you talking about?

All the way over here, I stopped.

to see Sexers, and we've got it all on videotape.

What are you talking about? There ain't no cameras in it.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, I'm fucking ruined.

Don't take it so hard. You went that great of a way, either.

What are you talking about? You came. I felt it. What are you talking about?

I'm an actress. I faked it.

No way, baby. It's just like it was when we were married.

I know.

Now, wasn't that just the most delicious double cross you ever saw?

I think so.

But before we send our six exposure cameras out for any more fun, Lusty

needs a favor from you, our viewing audience.

My producer doesn't think I deserve a raise.

I do.

Well, what I need from you is to flood him with telephone calls telling him

exactly how you feel.

Here's a little something for your troubles.

That's enough for now.

But if we get enough phone calls, well, who knows what Lusty Linda might do

next.

Meanwhile, let's drop in on rock star Melissa Gomez.

She had a very busy week last week.

Hi, honey. Can I give you a hand?

I'd love one.

Jake, what are you doing up under there? What's in there?

We need an exhaust pipe for the car, so he's at the auto parts store.

Yeah.

Is that all you in there?

It's all me.

Well, I never noticed before.

I will show you more.

I'd love to, but what will Henry think if he finds out?

Well, we have two sayings for that situation.

The first one is a stiff prick

conscience.

I like that.

What else?

Well, the best friends share everything.

Everything? Everything.

Wow.

If you put it like that, I don't think I can do it.

I hope you can.

You like that? Oh, I love it.

You see all that wetness?

That's wet. Oh my gosh.

Oh yeah.

Rub it on

your lips.

Rub it on your lips.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Ugh.

But you've always wanted to do it.

Thank you.

Oh,

fucking Henry had it.

Well, now I got it.

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Oh. Oh, yeah.

I'm bad.

Now you've got to give me what I want.

I like when you treat me like a real man. You're a bad pussy?

Yeah.

You're a bad pussy?

Thank you.

Oh yeah.

Oh,

fuck me.

Oh my God.

Oh, no.

I don't want to hear you say it.

Say it for me. Tell me what you want me to do.

Ah!

We'll be back after these brief messages.

Here you go. Thanks.

Oh, God, this is water.

Where's my Clicquot?

Oh, jeez.

Is it at least Arrowhead?

So what's going on upstairs?

Oh, uh -huh.

Oh, God, don't talk with your mouth full.

I said the switchboard got so overloaded it blew a fuse.

So there's no phone calls coming in?

Nope. Oh, God.

Well, did enough get through to, like, change that cheapskate's mind?

Nope.

Well, okay, then, back to work.

And in five, four, three... Hi, welcome back.

You know, you were so good to Lusty Linda with all those phone calls.

that our cheap, crummy switchboard blew up, and the producers never got the

message. So now I'm going to ask you for an even bigger favor.

Send telegrams to the bastard telling him exactly how you feel about me.

And for a little extra incentive, come here, I'll show you a little something

else.

Hey, Linda, what are you doing?

Oh, shut up, Maureen. Earn your 10%.

Isn't that a sight worth a telegram?

Hmm.

Meanwhile, let's take another look at the world through our sex exposure

cameras.

You know, rumors have been flying around Tinseltown for a long time now that sex

star Desiree is a lesbo.

Well, guess what we've captured on tape, ready for you to see here at Sex

Search.

What's up? Hi.

So how'd it go?

I knew that scumbag was going to try something.

Yeah? So what'd you do?

Well, you know that TV show Sex Search?

Yeah, I love that show.

That's where they hide with their sex exposure camera and show the secret sex

life of the stars.

Mm -hmm.

Well, on the way over to Troy's, I stopped by and had him follow me over

and... tape it when he tried to pull the wool over my eyes.

You're going to be on that show?

All of you?

I didn't think about it at first, but even now when I think about it, it was

worth it.

You should have seen the look on that asshole's face when he saw the camera.

We'll have to watch it tonight.

Boy, I sure hate to be caught like that. I don't know what I'd do.

What's to do?

Kick back, relax, and enjoy it.

Can you imagine, Phil, what would happen if they found out about you and me?

Girls, girls, girls.

Surprise.

Now watch yourselves on our sexposure camera.

How you doing?

Maurice, take a look at this. You might learn something.

Oh, ladies.

Okay.

Mmm.

Oh yeah.

Oh yeah.

Oh.

Yeah.

I don't

know.

Oh, my God.

Well, folks, that's our show for today, and I hope you enjoyed it.

But I want to remind you to be careful in your private life, because you never

know when someone may walk up and say... Welcome to Sex Search.

George, I wasn't finished.

Linda, Linda, you got the raise.

Don't worry, darling, we're still on the air. Who cares? After our performance

today, all America loves you.

Maury and I did? That went out over the air?

Mm -hmm. You son of a bitch. How dare you embarrass me like that?

Maury, get my lawyer. We're suing.

You son of a bitch. Don't you dare signal to roll credit.

I'm not leaving this chair, but don't you dare signal to... You son of a

Maury, get my lawyer!