Original subtitles

"Boy!"

"Boy!"

"I came home and brightened the place"

"Get up, lower the bass and increase the beat"

"Celebrate my arrival with fire clapping, and ululations"

- "I am El Kabeer" - "He is El Kabeer"

"Money, arms, power and an army of 3000 men''

"A hundred times stronger than a bear I roar like a lion"

"As proud as an eagle sly like a fox"

"Mix all of these together and you will have El Kabeer"

- "A dangerous mix" - "A dangerous mix"

"I drank camel milk as a kid not formula or juice"

"That's why I am tough, rough and dangerous"

"Professional PlayStation gamer and can beat any small kid"

- "Or a big kid" - "Or a big kid"

"I can rule any people no matter how many"

"It doesn't matter if they are rich or poor"

"Even if they are scholars, illiterates, or college kids"

"They have to obey me or they will disappear''

"Objection!"

"Yeah"

"Yeah"

"Come on! I really love this country like the fat kid loves the cake"

"And I'll be the new Mayor please just give yourself a break"

"You can't even battle me one on one Mr. Fake"

"My rap is like an ocean while your rap is like a lake"

"Please talk to me in Arabic if you don't mind brother"

"Don't mimic Eminem 50 Cent or Soulja Boy"

"If we compared our Rap to the breeds of dogs"

"mine would be Pitbull and yours will be a stray called Roy"

- "Listen, El Kabeer" - "No, you shut up and listen"

"I am a knight and can lift heavier than you can"

"No way you can beat me no matter how hard you try"

"Even in the Rap challenge I'll always have the final word"

"An apple tastes bitter when you eat it after chocolate"

''End of story!''

"Boy!"

"Episode 1"

Kabeer, please put on Dawama Drama!

Can't you see that I'm watching T.V.?

It's quite urgent, Kabeer the show's about to start!

What show is that?

"Mr. Jumaa Al-Shawan"

- The one with the spies? - That's the one, Kabeer!

It's your 300th time watching the same show!

Kabeer, it's a patriotic show

which means, we must watch it every single time it's on!

- We're not inclined to watch it - Is that so, Kabeer?

Don't we, every year on October 6th watch Al-Tareek Ela Eilat

Al-Rasasa Esatha Bi Jeiby and Abnaa' Al Samt?

Why do they show these movies? They're greatly patriotic

- that's why, we must watch them! - Hush! I can't deal with your nonsense

I'm watching this show

That's a cooking show, Kabeer! When have you ever stepped foot in a kitchen?

He will tell us the secret to get the perfect croissant today!

Please, Kabeer! I'll only watch this episode

- Why is this one so special? - In this episode, Mr. Adel Imam

finds out that Miss Gogo is conniving with none other than the Egyptian authorities

then, she puts a letter sent to him by President Zakariya in his pocket

and then, what do you know! He reads it in the bathroom!

God, give me patience! You have the entire episode memorized...

- Why do you want to watch it? - I'm quite fond of it, Kabeer!

I won't let you watch it, and that's final!

- I'm being oppressed! - No argument there!

Hurry up and make us something to eat!

- Okay! - Follow Chef Charbiny's methods!

You've ruined my mood, Hadeya

I was happily watching Haifa as she's dancing seductively

now, here I am, watching Hani Shaker have a mental breakdown!

Put me some my salad, woman!

Kabeer, it's great that you're here

I need to ask you a couple of questions really quickly

Don't you have any shame?

I'm eating with my wife in a very intimate mood!

I'll ask you as I'm eating with you two, it's all right!

I can't eat and talk at the same time

- It's only two questions, please! - Fine, let's get it over with!

Okay! Kabeer, how many workers do you have in your land?

Why would I tell you? You'll only envy me!

No, Kabeer, I'm doing a research on how equity affects the establishment

- this connection isn't merely... - Get to the point, I have a hundred workers!

Great, how much do you pay them per month?

What's this got to do with equity?

They're definitely related! If we determine the average income per capita...

- then, we'll determine a worker's wage... - Stop beating around the bush...

the food's getting cold! They get 25 pounds a month, 7.5 a day!

Amazing, what's their share from the yearly profit?

- it's not charity! - So, they're living paycheck-to-paycheck!

Do you think they're happy with this system, Kabeer?

They should be grateful that I'm this generous, very grateful!

- Why don't you, instead... - Tarek Allam...

Tarek Allam, you may leave now

- I don't think you understand, Kabeer! - You would do good if you leave now!

Okay, bon Appetit!

He scared me, he has no sense of privacy! He'll show up when I'm in the bathroom next!

Why is he asking all these questions, Kabeer?

He's warming up to me obviously, he wants us to work together!

What work? Are we students?

- There's surely another side to the story! - How so?

Haven't you noticed, Kabeer? He's constantly asking about the people...

whether they're happy or not and how much they're getting paid

- What's wrong with that? - Don't you see?

That's exactly what happens to Jumaa Al-Shawan!

- Again with the Jumaa Al-Shawan talk! - Listen to me, Kabeer!

Do you remember the scene where Mr. Mustafa Fahmi tells Mr. Adel Imam...

"Jumaa, we'd like to know how the Egyptian people are faring!"

"What are they cooking? What foods are they eating?"

Why is that? He was prying for information about the country!

So he can make plans accordingly and spy without being noticed!

You're obviously influenced by dramas! You think you're such a great detective!

Kabeer, they're an American family

he has your brother under his spell and now, he's residing in our house...

we don't know a thing about him

and now, he's asking all these strange questions

I'm willing to bet that this fellow is up to no good!

Are you implying that Thomas has been a spy all along? Does he have us fooled?

Exactly! Mr. Mahmoud Abd El Aziz in all his glory...

as he was starring in Rafat Al-Hajjan stayed in Israel for at least 100 episodes!

Nobody knew that he's an Egyptian spy

he was more widely-loved than the natives

That's an interesting point of view, woman!

Mr. Thomas!

Yes, Hagras?

Thirty pictures, fully developed just as you've requested

Great job, Hagras! Now, come by tonight...

I need to give you the memory card so you can print out the rest

- Don't forget to bring the men, too! - The men, yes!

What do I tell them?

Tell them that I want to ask them a few simple questions

You got it, Mr. Thomas

See? Didn't I say so, Kabeer?

Thomas, why don't we play a match so I can beat you?

- I'm rather busy now - What?

Forget about me, I don't have much time!

I just want to know why you're so occupied with this project, why?

It's all so I can get the CFA certificate

Your mother must be proud of you

she'll be jumping from joy when you get your CFA!

What will you do with it?

I don't expect you to understand since you're very uncultured

if I mention my CFA certificate in my C.V...

then, it will get me better job offers I'll get to be in a respectable position...

- I'll get a higher salary... - Just to save you some time and effort...

I'm not contemplating giving you a promotion, at all!

You won't get a single penny more than what you're paid now!

You should worry about a pay decrease I've been your friend since forever, I know you!

I know your capabilities and qualifications I know exactly where you'll end up

listen, whether it's Nescafe or CFA it really won't make a difference

Johnny, I'm not doing this CFA for you

with this, I can work at any company in the world

I think your mother is really proud of you!

Don't forget to do your actual job, Thomas

I need you to organize all my DVDs tonight, before you go to bed

Horror, action, Turkish dramas all in their own, separate sections

Do it before you go to bed, Thomas or I'll deduct a week's wage from your pay!

Watch out, my man!

"I have a CFA! With this, I'll stand out from the competition!"

"I'm Thomas!"

This day is truly terrible!

- Did you notice, Kabeer? - What's the matter?

Did you see the pictures taken by Thomas?

- Where did you get these? - He had forgotten them on the table downstairs

I took them, perused through them it's evident he has pictures of every location

land, houses, mosques so on and so forth!

It appears you're right, woman

- Could it be that Thomas is a spy? - Didn't I tell you, Kabeer?

- What do we do with him now? - We need to report him!

- Report him? To whom? - The Egyptian Intelligence Services!

- Have you gone insane, woman? - Don't be scared, Kabeer!

Tell them everything you know and they'll surely handle it

What if Thomas isn't a spy, after all?

What if we're imagining it all?

Then, we'll have done our duty by reporting him!

I don't know, Hadeya

I'm quite reluctant about reporting him

Will we just leave him be after finding out that he's a spy?

- Kabeer, aren't you patriotic? - I am!

But, in all honesty, I fear my brother Johnny might be involved with Thomas

I have an idea! Why don't I ask him, first?

I'll go: "Johnny, come here..."

"are you involved with Thomas? Yes or no?"

- What do you say? - That would be a mistake, Kabeer

You'll basically be warning them saying that you know everything

then, they'll tamper with the evidence and escape, leaving to trace of foul play!

Report him first, then we'll figure out the Johnny matter!

Hadeya, if Johnny's actually involved with Thomas

it won't be that simple!

it's not a mere crime...

it's high treason!

He'll get the death sentence, fair and square!

I'll be the one who snitched on my brother

Your brother or Egypt?

Pea...

- Peace be upon you - Peace be upon you, too

please, have a seat

- How are you, Kabeer? - Do you know me?

Of course, I do! Is everything all right, sir?

I have a question, first before getting to the point...

your excellency's name captured my attention

- Are you related to Mr.... - Yes, I am!

My name is Muhsen Muhsen Mumtaz

- Officer Muhsen Mumtaz - The one from Rafat Al-Hajjan, correct?

- Exactly! - It's an honor, truly!

I'm a big fan of your father's

he's trained some highly-skilled spies, mercenaries, and agents!

- Why doesn't he direct plays? - His projects are quite sparse

now, to the main point what did you want to report?

Well, honestly... well, I didn't expect that I will see you

- it was just a small report - Listen, Kabeer...

all huge cases start with small reports

Oh, God! I've got the chills!

Well, it's true, like father like son!

So, what would you like a drink, Kabeer?

- No, no, no, you already did so much - No, you should have something

I'll have some tea would you like to drink tea with me?

Well, if you insist, tea is fine

Bring us two cups of tea, Muhammad!

- So, what do you want to report? - What is it?

Are we going to talk here? Won't we use the polygraph?

No, no, what polygraph?

- Do you intend to lie? - I swear I haven't told any lies!

- You haven't said anything yet - Please don't mind me!

I'm overwhelmed by the fear of this place and the fear of your presence

No, no, I want you to calm down and take your time

as if you were in your house...

speaking to a friend of yours!

- God forbid, sir! God forbid! - No, it's okay

so, what exactly did you want to report?

A spy!

There's a spy in my house!

I need you to calm down and concentrate

and tell me the story in details

- starting from the beginning - Listen, Mr. Muhsen...

a few months ago I found out that I have an American brother

- and he's staying in my house now - It's Johnny, right?

I'm not surprised you're the Intelligence Service, that's normal!

So, Johnny didn't come alone

- he came with two friends - Ashly and Thomas

I better just leave! You know everything

No, go on! I would like to know what you know

I think that Thomas is a spy!

What makes you believe that Thomas is a spy?

He's taking photos of the village and asking people weird questions

What do you mean by weird? Be clear!

He's asking them about their food and drinks and whether they are happy or not

- And then? Go on! - At first, I thought that he's always like that

he's just curious, it's normal! But my wife told that I'm wrong

this is exactly what happened with Jumaa Al-Shawan

and with Chief Zakariya, you know them both they are your father's colleagues

- Obviously, you know the show very well - I'm a big fan!

So, do you want to add anything else?

Honestly, I'm afraid that Thomas might have gotten Johnny involved!

It's true that Johnny is a provocateur who speaks falsely...

but he has a kind heart and he's my brother after all

Since you care about your brother why do you want to report?

For the sake of Egypt!

Egypt, Mr. Muhsen!

Egypt which is more valuable than my whole family

If everyone was like you, Kabeer...

a lot would have changed in this country

Egypt needs patriots like you, Kabeer

I need you to calm down and control yourself

sit down!

Listen now...

I want you to keep a close eye on Thomas all the time

and if you do notice anything, anything, no matter how simple it is...

you'll tell me about it on the spot!

You'll be our guy in the mayor's house

and we will look into it ourselves

I'll send you two of our guys and you'll recognize them using a password

And what is this password?

"I'll search I'll search, I'll search"

and you'll answer them saying...

- "for myself" - Exactly, that's it!

When you recognize them you'll let them in the house

and you'll facilitate their mission and we'll keep in touch with you

I don't have to tell you that, Kabeer...

if anyone would know anything about it this operation will fail!

Don't worry, Mr. Muhsen! Rest assured!

This is my card

you can call me any time

- it was a pleasure, Kabeer! - The pleasure is mine, Mr. Muhsen

goodbye! Oh, wait!

Well, I have a question for you but please, don't be mad...

at the beginning of our meeting you ordered two cups of tea

I said no but you insisted

I traveled here by train, I was tired and I had low blood pressure

forget about it! I don't need anything

If you want to stay and have your tea, just stay

No, it's ok, I'll just take anything on my way back, goodbye!

One last thing, one last thing well, when you go home at night...

when you see the real Mr. Muhsen I mean your father

tell him I said hello and tell him that El Kabeer admires him

and he wants a photo of you where you posed like this

Sure! Next time, I'll bring you a card that shows one of his signatures

- Does he have more than one signature? - Yes

- How careful he is! Goodbye - It was a pleasure, Kabeer

Is there anyone here?

Anybody?

- Yes? - We're the air conditioning specialists

- we're here for the regular maintenance - Get away from here

the air conditioner is working perfectly it doesn't need maintenance

- Aren't you El Kabeer? - Yes

"I'll search I'll search, I'll search''

"for myself!" Welcome, welcome!

- Welcome, I'm so glad you're here, gentlemen! - What gentlemen?

Act normally! We're air conditioning specialists

- act normally! - Get inside, you two!

- Is that okay? Come on - It's alright

Hadeya! They are here!

Welcome, gentlemen!

Enough! What is this noise, man?

We're glad you're here, sir!

Didn't Mr. Muhsen tell you that no one knows about this except for you two?

- Why did you tell your wife? - Well, he told you and told that guy, too

Of course, he'll tell us we work for him!

How scandalous! Act normally!

It's alright, girl!

They are air conditioning specialists, they are here for maintenance and they're acting normally

- Where is he? - Do you mean the spy?

He's there, in that room

Someone should let him out so we would start

Thomas! Thomas!

- Yes, Kabeer - Come here, I want to talk to you, it's serious

I'm sorry, Kabeer, I'm working on something in my room, I'll deal with it and come

Come on, man! I said it's serious, man! It's a matter of life & death

- Okay - Did you hear that? He said he's working

- he's busy with spy work! - Stop it!

Listen, I want you to check on all of the rooms

you'll check on the air conditioners and repair them, you'll start with this one, Thomas's room

No, Kabeer the air conditioner in my room works perfectly

So what? Let them handle this

are you afraid that they might find something illegal?

I told you, there's no problem

besides, my room is a mess & my important documents and papers are everywhere on the floor

I don't want it to get worse

and if the air conditioner stops working I'll pay to fix it myself

Why would you spend that money? Why? They are here already

- I don't want anyone to go in my room, Kabeer! - They will get in!

- Are you afraid that they might find... - This is enough, Kabeer!

It's alright, let him be!

If that's what you want! Listen...

you'll check on all the rooms except this one!

This is Thomas's room, ok? It's where there is...

there's one broken doorknob

We'll check on that doorknob and fix it, alright

- thank you, Kabeer - Good luck!

- Alright, Kabeer, what do you want from me? - I don't want anything

Didn't you make me come downstairs because you wanted to talk to me about something?

Talk to you! Oh, yes! The matter of life or death!

- Yes! - It's very important, come over here

sit down!

- No, no, it's an exposed zone, move! - Exposed Zone!

This is so weird!

- What is it? - It's the room in the middle

- Thank you, ma'am - You're welcome

- What is it now? - Be careful!

He might have hidden something somewhere he's a dangerous spy!

I really don't know how to thank you for this information!

- Stop distracting us, woman! - May God be with you

and bless you for Egypt is fortunate to have citizens like you

- Amen, ma'am, may we start? - Please!

I wish I was one of them!

So, tell me...

how is it going with your researches and the suspicious documents that you have?

I'm working on it, Kabeer but I'm so tired!

Good luck with it! So, what is it?

What do you want to ask me? You always seek for me when I'm in the bathroom or having a meal

No, it's ok! I got everything I want to know

- How did you do it? - I asked some of your servants

and some of your neighbors

where's my mobile phone? It's upstairs

- I'll go get it and be right back - Sit down, man! Sit down

I don't need more noise! All your calls are long and pointless

- I'm expecting an international call - From Israel, right?

- What? - I mean, your friends abroad

No! I'm expecting an important call from important people

- More important than me? - No

Listen to me carefully...

What did I do? I called them both...

I told the first one: "you burned his field and he poisoned your animals"

"so, it's over, we'll call it even!"

But he said: "no! I must seek revenge!"

"I should kill his animals an eye for an eye!"

I said: "but, man! What about your plants? they are animate beings, idiot!"

And he said: "no, it doesn't move!" How logical!

By the way everyone makes this mistake, for example...

this dish is inanimate it doesn't have soul

- Yes - The shoe, excuse me for brining it up

- It doesn't have soul - The iron

Inanimate!

- Coke cans - Inanimate

- The billiard table - Inanimate

- The reed! I fooled you! - Inanimate

You fell in the trap what is reed? It's a plant

- you're not focusing, let's start again - No!

No! It' enough, Kabeer

for the last 20 minutes you're making me listen to you talking about nonsense!

Just wait till the end of the story, man!

- The lesson is at the end of it - What story?

I'll tell you what I have to use the bathroom, I'll be right back

Wait, man! Where are you going? Can't you hold it for a while?

Sit down, it's important, sit!

- Wait, man! Wait! - Enough with that, Kabeer, my stomach hurts

Come here, boy! Come on!

Just wait, man!

- Are you afraid of me? - What a disaster!

Come here, man! Wait!

Boy!

Is this door animate or not?

Oh, dear God!

We're done the air conditioners are perfect

- Did you find any evidence or so on? - We'll call you to discuss the payment

- goodbye - Goodbye, have a nice day!

Send my regards to your boss! I mean, the company's manager!

Come in!

We received the report about Thomas, sir

- Hello - Hello, Kabeer

Mr. Muhsen, tell me did you find the evidence?

They didn't find anything in Thomas's room

or on his computer

"and our investigation shows that he's clean as a whistle''

What?