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1
00:00:11,090 --> 00:00:13,600
What are you doing
down here? You're 7:20.
2
00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:15,600
7:00 is still in the bathroom.
3
00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:18,600
Why do I have to follow
this stupid schedule anyway?
4
00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:20,600
Because there's four people
and one bathroom.
5
00:00:21,100 --> 00:00:22,610
Without rules, you have chaos.
6
00:00:23,110 --> 00:00:24,610
People showering at whim.
7
00:00:24,610 --> 00:00:26,610
And then where are you,
my friend?
8
00:00:27,110 --> 00:00:28,110
Where are you?
9
00:00:28,110 --> 00:00:30,110
Just where we are now--
10
00:00:30,110 --> 00:00:32,120
in Hell.
11
00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:33,620
Come on, Helen, hurry up.
12
00:00:33,620 --> 00:00:35,620
Give somebody else a chance.
13
00:00:35,620 --> 00:00:37,120
What are you yelling about?
I'm right here.
14
00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:39,120
Well, what are you
doing here?
15
00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:40,120
You're 7:00.
16
00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:41,630
I traded with Casey.
17
00:00:41,620 --> 00:00:43,630
Just call me 7:40.
18
00:00:43,630 --> 00:00:46,130
There's been a change?
19
00:00:46,130 --> 00:00:48,130
Why wasn't I notified?
20
00:00:48,630 --> 00:00:51,130
Wow. You really
just said that, didn't you?
21
00:00:51,130 --> 00:00:53,140
Now I'm just going to have
to adjust the board.
22
00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:54,640
You see?!
Now you've upset him.
23
00:00:55,140 --> 00:00:56,640
Now he has to
adjust the board.
24
00:00:58,140 --> 00:01:00,140
Okay.
25
00:01:02,150 --> 00:01:03,650
So Blue took 7:00.
26
00:01:03,650 --> 00:01:05,650
Which means Orange
27
00:01:05,650 --> 00:01:08,650
goes all the way down here.
28
00:01:08,650 --> 00:01:11,650
First of all,
don't call me Orange.
29
00:01:11,650 --> 00:01:12,660
I've got a name.
30
00:01:12,660 --> 00:01:15,660
It's 7:20.
31
00:01:15,660 --> 00:01:18,160
Hey, you better have
a very good reason
32
00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:19,660
why you are...
33
00:01:19,660 --> 00:01:22,170
14 minutes past
your bathroom allotment.
34
00:01:22,170 --> 00:01:24,170
Oh, you know what my reason is?
35
00:01:24,170 --> 00:01:25,670
I have no reason!
36
00:01:25,670 --> 00:01:26,670
I just stood
37
00:01:26,670 --> 00:01:28,670
up there in that damn shower
38
00:01:28,670 --> 00:01:30,170
and I lathered up
like a free woman.
39
00:01:30,170 --> 00:01:33,180
I will not live
under tyranny anymore.
40
00:01:33,180 --> 00:01:35,680
If you want anarchy,
you live with the consequences.
41
00:01:36,180 --> 00:01:37,680
Joe, we're
civilized adults.
42
00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:39,180
There are no consequences.
43
00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:42,190
We don't need a board to show us
how to share a bathroom.
44
00:01:42,190 --> 00:01:43,690
That's right.
I'll go first.
45
00:01:43,690 --> 00:01:46,190
No, wait, it's my
turn. I've been waiting...
46
00:01:46,190 --> 00:01:48,190
I have to blow dry
my hair.
47
00:01:48,190 --> 00:01:51,190
(all shouting)
48
00:01:52,700 --> 00:01:54,200
JOE:
Yellow.
49
00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:58,200
8:00 to 8:20.
50
00:01:58,200 --> 00:01:59,200
Go.
51
00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:02,710
Thank you.
52
00:02:10,710 --> 00:02:14,220
Hey, Joe, what do you think
of my new outfit?
53
00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:19,220
It's, uh... it's...
54
00:02:19,220 --> 00:02:21,730
What's the word I'm looking for?
55
00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:23,230
Um... shrunken?
56
00:02:23,730 --> 00:02:25,730
Your idiot brother, Orange
57
00:02:25,730 --> 00:02:27,730
ruined it
when he did the laundry.
58
00:02:28,230 --> 00:02:29,730
Just wait a minute,
wait a minute.
59
00:02:30,230 --> 00:02:32,740
Before we start accusing people,
let me check the board
60
00:02:32,740 --> 00:02:35,740
and see if it was
Orange's turn last night.
61
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:38,740
Oh, my God!
62
00:02:44,750 --> 00:02:46,250
Look what someone did.
63
00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:48,250
Now, what kind of sick mind
64
00:02:48,750 --> 00:02:50,250
would desecrate
an organizational tool?
65
00:02:50,250 --> 00:02:52,260
I bet it was Brian.
66
00:02:52,260 --> 00:02:53,760
That would be my guess.
67
00:02:56,260 --> 00:02:57,760
Anyway, forget about the board.
68
00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:59,260
We wouldn't need it
69
00:02:59,260 --> 00:03:00,260
if we weren't living with Brian
and Casey.
70
00:03:00,260 --> 00:03:01,770
We've got to do something, Joe.
71
00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:03,270
We are doing something;
we're building a house.
72
00:03:03,270 --> 00:03:04,770
We got to do it faster.
73
00:03:04,770 --> 00:03:05,770
Look, it's not my fault
74
00:03:05,770 --> 00:03:08,270
that the foundation
fell into a sinkhole.
75
00:03:08,270 --> 00:03:09,770
You know, maybe we should get
another contractor
76
00:03:09,770 --> 00:03:11,270
and forget about Felix.
77
00:03:11,770 --> 00:03:13,780
What kind of name
is that anyway? Felix.
78
00:03:13,780 --> 00:03:15,280
What are you
talking about?
79
00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:17,280
Felix, the contractor.
80
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:21,280
The wonderful,
wonderful contractor.
81
00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:22,790
You got to give him
a chance, Helen.
82
00:03:22,790 --> 00:03:24,290
He's working his tail
off for us.
83
00:03:24,290 --> 00:03:25,790
No, he's not.
84
00:03:25,790 --> 00:03:27,290
His tail is
on our porch.
85
00:03:27,790 --> 00:03:28,790
What's Felix doing
on our porch?
86
00:03:28,790 --> 00:03:31,290
What kind of name is
that anyway? Felix.
87
00:03:31,290 --> 00:03:33,300
What is it this time?
88
00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:35,300
You know, quite frankly, it
kind of hurts my feelings
89
00:03:35,300 --> 00:03:38,300
that every time I show up here,
you assume it's bad news.
90
00:03:38,300 --> 00:03:40,300
Sorry, Felix.
He's right, Joe.
91
00:03:40,300 --> 00:03:41,810
What brings you here?
92
00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:43,310
Bad news.
(groans)
93
00:03:43,310 --> 00:03:45,810
I was just down
at the lumberyard
94
00:03:45,810 --> 00:03:47,810
and the pressure-treated wood
95
00:03:47,810 --> 00:03:50,810
we ordered for the framing won't
be in for a few more weeks.
96
00:03:50,810 --> 00:03:51,810
Hey, new outfit?
97
00:03:51,810 --> 00:03:53,820
What are you saying?
98
00:03:53,820 --> 00:03:56,820
You have to stop
work on our house?
99
00:03:56,820 --> 00:03:58,320
I'm afraid so.
100
00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:00,320
Felix, see, our living
situation here is...
101
00:04:00,820 --> 00:04:01,820
well, bad.
102
00:04:01,820 --> 00:04:03,330
It's real bad.
103
00:04:03,330 --> 00:04:06,330
So you've got
to help us get out of here
104
00:04:06,330 --> 00:04:08,330
before somebody goes postal.
105
00:04:08,330 --> 00:04:10,330
You could always
special order the wood.
106
00:04:10,330 --> 00:04:11,840
It will cost.
107
00:04:11,830 --> 00:04:12,840
That's fine. Do it.
108
00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:13,840
I don't care
what it costs.
109
00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:15,340
You don't care what it costs?
110
00:04:15,340 --> 00:04:17,840
Oh, that's right. I forgot.
111
00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:19,840
She recently added a Reuben
sandwich to the menu.
112
00:04:20,340 --> 00:04:21,340
It's practically a
license to print money.
113
00:04:23,350 --> 00:04:24,850
For your information,
114
00:04:24,850 --> 00:04:28,350
that Reuben sandwich
paid for your stinking board.
115
00:04:28,350 --> 00:04:30,850
Oh, that's it-- attack
my coding system.
116
00:04:30,850 --> 00:04:32,860
Maybe I should go...
Let me tell
you something.
117
00:04:32,860 --> 00:04:34,360
that coding system is
the only thing
118
00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:35,860
that separates us
from the baboons.
119
00:04:35,860 --> 00:04:37,860
Honey, the only thing separating
us from baboons
120
00:04:37,860 --> 00:04:40,360
is that wall between
our bedroom and Brian's.
Okay, listen.
121
00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:42,370
We have a budget, and
we're sticking to it.
122
00:04:42,370 --> 00:04:43,870
That's final.
That's final?
123
00:04:43,870 --> 00:04:45,370
Yeah. I'm just going to leave...
124
00:04:45,870 --> 00:04:46,870
I can't even talk
to you when you're
like this.
125
00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:47,870
You don't have go,
'cause I'm leaving.
126
00:04:47,870 --> 00:04:49,370
Me, too.
127
00:04:50,870 --> 00:04:54,380
(doors slam)
128
00:04:54,380 --> 00:04:56,380
See ya.
129
00:05:04,390 --> 00:05:05,890
Oh, Antonio,
how are you?
130
00:05:05,890 --> 00:05:08,390
You want to know
how I am?
131
00:05:08,390 --> 00:05:10,890
I'm... rich!
132
00:05:10,890 --> 00:05:13,900
Look what just
came in the mail.
133
00:05:13,900 --> 00:05:15,900
Oh, I know
that envelope.
134
00:05:15,900 --> 00:05:18,400
A little something
from Uncle Sam.
135
00:05:18,900 --> 00:05:19,900
How do you know that?
136
00:05:19,900 --> 00:05:21,400
Well, three
dead husbands
137
00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:23,910
means I get three
Social Security checks.
138
00:05:24,410 --> 00:05:26,910
One day a month,
I giggle so hard
139
00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:29,910
my mailman asks me
if I'm stoned.
140
00:05:29,910 --> 00:05:32,920
I know. I know.
141
00:05:33,420 --> 00:05:35,920
I have here
a tax refund check
142
00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:38,920
for $1,002.
143
00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:40,920
Once again,
I've slipped in
144
00:05:41,420 --> 00:05:43,930
right below
the poverty line.
145
00:05:45,930 --> 00:05:47,930
What are you going
to spend it on, Antonio?
146
00:05:47,930 --> 00:05:49,930
Me.
147
00:05:49,930 --> 00:05:51,430
I think it's about time
148
00:05:51,430 --> 00:05:53,440
I started living
the high life.
149
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:56,440
I have had my eye on
this Plexiglas toilet seat
150
00:05:56,940 --> 00:05:58,940
you know, with the,
the coins in it.
151
00:05:58,940 --> 00:06:01,940
See, Cochran,
the rich are different.
152
00:06:01,940 --> 00:06:03,950
Yep, from now on
153
00:06:03,950 --> 00:06:06,950
it's "Come on, baby,
let the good times roll."
154
00:06:08,450 --> 00:06:09,450
(cracking )
155
00:06:09,450 --> 00:06:10,950
Ow! Oh, God.
Oh.
156
00:06:11,450 --> 00:06:12,460
What's the matter?
157
00:06:12,460 --> 00:06:13,960
Oh, my God!
158
00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:15,960
I... I think I
cracked my tooth.
159
00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:16,960
Oh.
160
00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:18,460
Well, don't worry,
Antonio.
161
00:06:18,460 --> 00:06:20,460
I'll give you
the name of my dentist.
162
00:06:20,460 --> 00:06:22,970
How am I supposed
to pay for that?
163
00:06:22,970 --> 00:06:24,970
Well, there is
that check.
164
00:06:24,970 --> 00:06:26,970
No. Not fair.
165
00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:30,970
Here I am, below
the poverty line,
166
00:06:30,970 --> 00:06:32,980
I can't even enjoy it.
167
00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:38,480
Helen?
168
00:06:39,980 --> 00:06:41,480
Oh, you're back.
169
00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:42,490
Let me tell
you something.
170
00:06:42,990 --> 00:06:44,490
I...
171
00:06:49,490 --> 00:06:52,000
Well, now, that's
just not fair.
172
00:06:51,990 --> 00:06:53,500
I'm still mad at you.
173
00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:55,500
You won't be for long.
174
00:06:55,500 --> 00:06:57,000
Come with me.
Wh-Where are we...
175
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,500
Just... just come, I
want to show you something.
176
00:06:58,500 --> 00:07:00,500
I think I found the
answer to all our problems.
177
00:07:00,500 --> 00:07:02,510
I hope it's not
another psycho-colored board,
178
00:07:02,510 --> 00:07:05,510
'cause if it is, I'm just gonna
have to leave you.
179
00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:18,020
Okay, can I open
my eyes now, Joe?
180
00:07:18,020 --> 00:07:19,520
Yes.
181
00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:22,030
Take a look at
our new house.
182
00:07:22,020 --> 00:07:23,030
(gasps)
183
00:07:23,030 --> 00:07:24,530
Oh, wow!
184
00:07:24,530 --> 00:07:26,530
Boy, you get tough
with that Felix.
185
00:07:26,530 --> 00:07:28,530
and he really
moves his butt.
186
00:07:28,530 --> 00:07:30,030
No, no, no.
187
00:07:30,030 --> 00:07:31,530
After our fight
I was driving around,
188
00:07:31,530 --> 00:07:34,040
and I saw the "For Sale"
sign out front.
189
00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:35,040
Just look at it, Helen.
190
00:07:35,040 --> 00:07:36,540
This is our dream house.
191
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:39,540
No, Joe, the house
we're building
with the sinkhole
192
00:07:39,540 --> 00:07:42,550
and the busted water main,
that's our dream house.
193
00:07:42,550 --> 00:07:44,050
(whining):
But I don't want
to live there.
194
00:07:44,550 --> 00:07:46,050
I want to live here.
195
00:07:46,050 --> 00:07:49,550
Well, I want to see a
horse fall on Dr. Quinn,
Medicine Woman
196
00:07:49,550 --> 00:07:51,550
but it ain't
going to happen,
so let's go.
197
00:07:51,550 --> 00:07:53,060
Wait, Helen.
198
00:07:53,060 --> 00:07:56,060
Just think how long it will
take to build that house.
199
00:07:56,060 --> 00:07:58,060
How long we'll live
with Brian and Casey.
200
00:07:58,060 --> 00:07:59,560
No.
The strain it's putting
on our marriage.
201
00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:02,070
We've poured a foundation,
I mean, we have hired a builder,
202
00:08:02,060 --> 00:08:03,570
we've spent thousands
of dollars.
203
00:08:03,570 --> 00:08:05,070
We have to live there.
204
00:08:05,070 --> 00:08:06,570
(whining):
But I don't want
to live there.
205
00:08:06,570 --> 00:08:07,570
I want to live here.
206
00:08:09,070 --> 00:08:10,570
Honey, when you
talk like that
207
00:08:10,570 --> 00:08:12,580
it just makes me want
to saw my ears off.
208
00:08:13,580 --> 00:08:15,580
Oh, hello.
209
00:08:15,580 --> 00:08:17,580
I didn't hear
you come in.
210
00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:19,080
Can I show you around?
211
00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:20,580
Oh. No, I'm sorry,
that won't be necessary.
212
00:08:20,580 --> 00:08:22,590
(whining):
But I want to see it.
213
00:08:23,590 --> 00:08:26,090
So, how long have
you been married?
214
00:08:26,090 --> 00:08:27,090
A year.
215
00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:29,590
This house would be
so perfect for you.
216
00:08:29,590 --> 00:08:31,090
My husband Paul and I,
217
00:08:31,090 --> 00:08:32,600
we built this when
we were newlyweds.
218
00:08:33,100 --> 00:08:35,100
Have you seen
the sun deck?
219
00:08:35,100 --> 00:08:37,100
Oh. There's a sun deck?
220
00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:39,600
Oh. It extends
the whole length
of the house,
221
00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:42,110
all the way
to the hot tub.
222
00:08:42,100 --> 00:08:44,110
Wow!
Man, I'd love
to see that.
223
00:08:44,110 --> 00:08:46,610
Now, take this
information sheet,
224
00:08:46,610 --> 00:08:48,610
have a look around,
225
00:08:48,610 --> 00:08:50,110
and, oh, please,
if you have questions,
226
00:08:50,110 --> 00:08:51,610
I'll just, I'll be
in the master bedroom.
227
00:08:51,610 --> 00:08:53,620
So what do
you think, Helen?
228
00:08:53,620 --> 00:08:55,620
It's perfect,
isn't it?
229
00:08:55,620 --> 00:08:56,620
Yes, Joe, of course
it's perfect
230
00:08:56,620 --> 00:08:59,120
but we're not free people;
we are spoken for.
231
00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:01,120
We are chained
to a hellhole.
232
00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:03,130
But what if we...?
233
00:09:03,130 --> 00:09:04,130
Be rational, Joe.
234
00:09:04,130 --> 00:09:05,630
I mean, where are we going
to get the money
235
00:09:05,630 --> 00:09:07,130
to buy another house?
236
00:09:07,130 --> 00:09:09,630
Okay. Okay, I guess
you're right.
237
00:09:09,630 --> 00:09:11,130
Come on, let's
get out of here
238
00:09:11,130 --> 00:09:13,640
before we torture
ourselves anymore.
239
00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:14,640
Excuse me.
240
00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:17,140
Hi, Audrey, we're back.
Oh.
241
00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:18,640
We're ready to make you
a final offer.
242
00:09:19,140 --> 00:09:20,140
Over my dead body.
243
00:09:20,140 --> 00:09:22,650
What are you doing?
I'm gonna get
our dream house.
244
00:09:22,650 --> 00:09:24,150
We'll give you
10,000 over that.
245
00:09:24,650 --> 00:09:25,650
Mr. Connelly?
246
00:09:25,650 --> 00:09:28,150
I'm sorry. We can't
go any higher.
247
00:09:28,150 --> 00:09:30,150
Well, it looks like you
248
00:09:30,150 --> 00:09:32,660
just bought yourself
a new house.
249
00:09:32,660 --> 00:09:33,660
We got it!
250
00:09:33,660 --> 00:09:36,160
This is going
to be our house!
251
00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:37,160
Oh, my God.
252
00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:40,660
Oh, Joe, do you think
we were too impulsive?
253
00:09:40,660 --> 00:09:42,170
Of course not.
254
00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:44,170
Come on, let's go see
if there's a kitchen.
255
00:09:55,680 --> 00:09:58,180
Oh, Antonio,
how are you feeling?
256
00:09:58,180 --> 00:10:00,180
Did you get
your tooth fixed?
257
00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:02,690
Yes, I did.
258
00:10:02,690 --> 00:10:04,690
Oh. I'm sorry.
259
00:10:04,690 --> 00:10:06,690
Did you use
your whole refund?
260
00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:08,190
No.
261
00:10:08,190 --> 00:10:10,190
It only cost 200 dollars.
262
00:10:10,190 --> 00:10:12,190
Well, then you should
feel good.
263
00:10:12,190 --> 00:10:13,200
You have 800 left.
264
00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:16,200
Oh, to live in Fayland...
265
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:22,200
where the little elves
and leprechauns
266
00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:24,710
watch over everyone.
267
00:10:24,710 --> 00:10:26,710
What are you babbling about?
268
00:10:26,710 --> 00:10:28,710
As I was leaving
the dentist
269
00:10:29,210 --> 00:10:31,710
I tried to take a shortcut
out of the parking lot,
270
00:10:31,710 --> 00:10:35,720
and I backed over
those spikes...
271
00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:39,220
and blew out all four tires.
272
00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:44,230
When they say
"don't back up"...
273
00:10:44,230 --> 00:10:47,230
really, don't.
274
00:10:49,230 --> 00:10:52,230
Well, any idiot knows that.
275
00:10:52,230 --> 00:10:53,740
Well, I mean, uh...
276
00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:56,240
that wouldn't cost 800 dollars.
277
00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:58,740
You must still have plenty left.
278
00:10:58,740 --> 00:11:00,740
Get the fairy dust
out of your eyes.
279
00:11:03,250 --> 00:11:05,750
The tow truck
never showed up.
280
00:11:05,750 --> 00:11:09,250
I had to drive to the
tire store on my rims.
281
00:11:09,250 --> 00:11:11,250
I skidded out of control.
282
00:11:11,750 --> 00:11:15,260
You remember that statue
of Herman Melville?
283
00:11:15,260 --> 00:11:16,760
Yes.
284
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:18,260
Well, cherish that memory.
285
00:11:18,260 --> 00:11:21,260
You ain't never going
to see that again.
286
00:11:21,260 --> 00:11:22,770
They're not showing up.
287
00:11:22,770 --> 00:11:25,770
The only nibble we've had
on the hellhole in two weeks
288
00:11:25,770 --> 00:11:27,270
and they're not showing up.
289
00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:28,770
They've got to show up.
290
00:11:28,770 --> 00:11:30,270
We need to sell that sinkhole
for a lot of money
291
00:11:30,270 --> 00:11:33,780
or we can't afford
that beautiful, beautiful house.
292
00:11:33,780 --> 00:11:35,280
(knock at door)
They're here.
293
00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:36,280
Now don't act
don't act desperate, all right?
294
00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:38,280
Be cool.
295
00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:39,780
Act like we've had
a million offers.
296
00:11:39,780 --> 00:11:41,280
Please, don't be ridiculous.
297
00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:43,790
Who in their right mind would be
gullible enough to believe that?
298
00:11:43,790 --> 00:11:45,290
Hi there.
299
00:11:45,290 --> 00:11:47,290
You the Hacketts?
300
00:11:47,290 --> 00:11:49,290
Yes, we are.
301
00:11:49,790 --> 00:11:51,290
Oh, gosh,
excuse the mess.
302
00:11:51,290 --> 00:11:53,300
We've just had
a million offers today.
303
00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:55,300
Oh, I hope
we're not too late.
304
00:11:55,300 --> 00:11:57,800
No, no, no, never too late.
305
00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,300
You hear that, May?
It's still on the market.
306
00:11:59,300 --> 00:12:00,800
Oh, thank the good Lord.
307
00:12:01,300 --> 00:12:02,300
Well,
308
00:12:02,300 --> 00:12:03,310
we're the Flukers.
309
00:12:03,310 --> 00:12:04,810
I'm Andy, and
this here's May.
310
00:12:04,810 --> 00:12:06,310
MAY:
We saw your lot
311
00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:08,310
and we just plumb
fell in love with it.
312
00:12:08,310 --> 00:12:11,310
Now, May, don't go showing
them all our cards at once.
313
00:12:11,310 --> 00:12:12,310
Oh, Andy.
314
00:12:12,820 --> 00:12:14,320
He thinks we're some kind
of big negotiators.
315
00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:17,320
Truth is, we don't know
the first thing about it.
316
00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:20,320
I guess we're just
kind of at your mercy
to lead us through.
317
00:12:24,330 --> 00:12:27,830
Well, the first thing
that you need is money.
318
00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:29,330
Did you bring any?
319
00:12:29,330 --> 00:12:30,830
Sure did. Got my
checkbook right here.
320
00:12:34,340 --> 00:12:35,840
But we do have
a question.
321
00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:37,840
Damn!
322
00:12:40,340 --> 00:12:42,340
Um, sure. Ask
anything you want.
323
00:12:42,340 --> 00:12:44,850
Okay, now, about
that big hole...
324
00:12:44,850 --> 00:12:47,350
Oh, yes, there is...
there's a big hole.
325
00:12:47,350 --> 00:12:50,350
And it's there because
you need a big hole.
326
00:12:50,350 --> 00:12:51,850
It's like a foundation
327
00:12:51,850 --> 00:12:54,360
like a big hand holding
up the whole house.
328
00:12:54,860 --> 00:12:57,360
Oh, I see.
That makes good sense.
329
00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:58,860
Well, yes, it does.
330
00:12:58,860 --> 00:13:01,360
And yet, it's
a pretty big decision.
331
00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:02,360
Yes, of course it is.
332
00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:04,370
Look why don't you two
just stand right over here
333
00:13:04,370 --> 00:13:05,370
and talk about it in private?
334
00:13:11,370 --> 00:13:12,880
What are you doing?
335
00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:14,880
Sending for reinforcements.
336
00:13:15,380 --> 00:13:18,880
We saw your property
and we want to buy it.
337
00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:21,880
Is that so?
338
00:13:22,380 --> 00:13:23,390
Yes, we must have it
339
00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:25,890
and we'll pay top
dollar for it too.
340
00:13:25,890 --> 00:13:26,890
Pardon my French.
341
00:13:26,890 --> 00:13:29,890
But what the heck
is going on here?
342
00:13:29,890 --> 00:13:31,390
We're making an offer.
343
00:13:31,890 --> 00:13:33,900
I don't know.
344
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,400
Oh, we can do better than that.
345
00:13:39,900 --> 00:13:41,400
Now, hold on a minute, Mister...
346
00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:42,910
Mister...
347
00:13:42,910 --> 00:13:44,410
Uh... uh...
348
00:13:44,410 --> 00:13:45,410
Shill.
349
00:13:45,410 --> 00:13:46,910
We're the Shills.
350
00:13:46,910 --> 00:13:49,910
Ray and... Flo Shill.
351
00:13:49,910 --> 00:13:51,910
Pleasure to meet you,
Mr. and Mrs. Shill.
352
00:13:51,910 --> 00:13:52,920
We're the Flukers
353
00:13:53,420 --> 00:13:54,920
and we're not
giving up that easy.
354
00:13:56,420 --> 00:13:58,420
May... we're going
to have to put up
355
00:13:58,420 --> 00:13:59,920
your mama's inheritance
356
00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:02,430
and sell
the truck too.
357
00:14:02,420 --> 00:14:03,930
We can't sell that truck.
358
00:14:03,930 --> 00:14:05,430
It idles funny.
359
00:14:05,430 --> 00:14:08,430
It's not right dumping
our problems on somebody else.
360
00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:11,430
Oh, Joe...
361
00:14:11,430 --> 00:14:12,430
Look here,
we're just looking
362
00:14:12,430 --> 00:14:13,940
for a little piece of dirt
363
00:14:13,940 --> 00:14:16,440
where we can settle
and raise up our family.
364
00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:17,940
We've got twins on the way.
365
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:20,440
Oh, they've got twins
on the way.
366
00:14:20,940 --> 00:14:23,450
Hey, we got a kid
on the way too.
367
00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:39,460
Uh, we waited.
368
00:14:39,460 --> 00:14:43,970
Uh, I wanted to have
my career first.
369
00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:50,970
Well, are you going
to accept our offer or not?
370
00:14:50,970 --> 00:14:52,980
We got a Lamaze class to go to.
371
00:14:52,980 --> 00:14:55,980
Well, uh...
372
00:14:55,980 --> 00:14:57,480
in all fairness
373
00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:58,980
the Flukers
were here first.
374
00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:00,980
So if they can beat
your offer,
375
00:15:00,980 --> 00:15:02,490
then I'm afraid I'm going
to have to sell to them.
376
00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:04,990
Okay. Now, this is
all the money
377
00:15:04,990 --> 00:15:06,490
we have in the world.
378
00:15:06,490 --> 00:15:08,490
We had more, but we
were bilked out of it
379
00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:09,990
by some mean people.
380
00:15:09,990 --> 00:15:12,500
Tough break. Just make
the check out to Joe...
381
00:15:12,490 --> 00:15:14,500
No. No. Go. Run.
Get out of here.
382
00:15:14,500 --> 00:15:16,000
But what about
the property?
383
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,000
It's a stinking hole
in the ground.
But you said...
384
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:19,500
Never mind what I said.
We're the devil.
385
00:15:19,500 --> 00:15:20,500
We're the devil. Run!
386
00:15:24,010 --> 00:15:25,010
Great work, Helen.
387
00:15:25,010 --> 00:15:28,510
You just blew our only chance
of getting that house.
388
00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:30,010
Come on, honey.
389
00:15:30,010 --> 00:15:33,020
All this shouting can't
be good for the baby.
390
00:15:42,020 --> 00:15:44,030
Helen, we can't
wait any longer.
391
00:15:44,030 --> 00:15:45,530
We've got to call Audrey
and tell her
392
00:15:45,530 --> 00:15:46,530
we can't buy the house.
393
00:15:47,030 --> 00:15:48,030
Don't be so
negative, Joe.
394
00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:49,530
We still have
eight minutes.
395
00:15:49,530 --> 00:15:51,530
Someone will come along
and buy our hellhole.
396
00:15:51,530 --> 00:15:54,040
Come on, Helen,
let's face it.
397
00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:58,040
Where are we ever going to
find suckers like that again?
398
00:16:00,540 --> 00:16:04,050
Sorry. All my money's
tied up in my tooth.
399
00:16:05,050 --> 00:16:09,050
So... you can't buy
your dream house?
400
00:16:09,050 --> 00:16:11,050
We had it.
It was right in our hands.
401
00:16:11,050 --> 00:16:12,560
It's just not fair.
402
00:16:12,550 --> 00:16:14,060
Fair?
403
00:16:14,060 --> 00:16:15,560
(sarcastic laughter)
404
00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:18,560
You want fair? Nothing's fair.
405
00:16:19,060 --> 00:16:22,060
To quote my grandfather
Scarpacci's dying words:
406
00:16:22,060 --> 00:16:23,570
"Gaze fondly upon today
407
00:16:23,570 --> 00:16:27,570
for tomorrow is bound
to suck worse."
408
00:16:29,570 --> 00:16:31,070
He said that
on his deathbed?
409
00:16:31,570 --> 00:16:32,570
What bed?
410
00:16:32,570 --> 00:16:35,580
Dying in a bed would be too easy
for a Scarpacci.
411
00:16:35,580 --> 00:16:37,580
It would imply
an ounce of dignity.
412
00:16:37,580 --> 00:16:39,080
He died in a sewer
413
00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:41,080
where he remains
to this very day.
414
00:16:42,580 --> 00:16:44,090
Well, Antonio, I believe
415
00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:45,590
no matter how
bleak things are
416
00:16:45,590 --> 00:16:47,090
there's always hope.
417
00:16:47,090 --> 00:16:48,090
Oh, come on, Helen.
418
00:16:48,090 --> 00:16:50,090
It's 6:00,
we have no offers.
419
00:16:50,090 --> 00:16:53,600
Let's face it,
we're Scarpacci'd.
420
00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:56,100
When I move
into Joe and Helen's old bedroom
421
00:16:56,100 --> 00:16:57,600
I'm painting it
eggshell white.
422
00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:00,600
You might want to run
that color by your landlord
423
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:02,100
and that would be...
424
00:17:02,100 --> 00:17:03,610
let me see... me!
425
00:17:03,610 --> 00:17:05,110
Oh, no.
426
00:17:05,110 --> 00:17:06,110
You're not my landlord.
427
00:17:06,110 --> 00:17:08,110
I'm just renting
a room in your house.
428
00:17:08,610 --> 00:17:10,110
Oh, all right,
I'm your "roomlord."
429
00:17:10,110 --> 00:17:12,110
But as you and I are
very well acquainted
430
00:17:12,610 --> 00:17:13,620
why stand on ceremony?
431
00:17:13,620 --> 00:17:14,620
Simply call me...
432
00:17:14,620 --> 00:17:16,620
"Lord."
433
00:17:16,620 --> 00:17:19,620
Yeah, well, before you
start healing the lepers
434
00:17:19,620 --> 00:17:21,120
I got a news flash.
435
00:17:21,120 --> 00:17:22,630
We ain't moving.
436
00:17:22,620 --> 00:17:23,630
What?!
437
00:17:23,630 --> 00:17:26,630
No, no! Tell me this is
some kind of sick joke!
438
00:17:26,630 --> 00:17:28,630
(sarcastic laughter)
439
00:17:29,130 --> 00:17:31,630
Like my grandfather always said
"Life stinks."
440
00:17:32,130 --> 00:17:34,640
In fact, that's what it said
on his tombstone
441
00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:37,640
that we threw down
into the sewer after him.
442
00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:41,640
Hi, Joe. Hi, Helen.
443
00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:42,640
What do you want?
444
00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:44,650
Joe, we talked
about this.
445
00:17:44,650 --> 00:17:47,150
That attitude is
very hurtful to me.
446
00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:48,150
He's sorry, Felix.
447
00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:49,150
What he meant was
448
00:17:49,150 --> 00:17:51,650
seeing as you haven't
set foot on the site
449
00:17:51,650 --> 00:17:52,650
in over two weeks
450
00:17:52,650 --> 00:17:54,160
what could possibly
be wrong now?
451
00:17:54,660 --> 00:17:57,160
And the downward spiral
continues.
452
00:17:58,660 --> 00:17:59,660
I want to buy your property.
453
00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:01,660
What?
454
00:18:01,660 --> 00:18:03,170
Well, you know I've always loved
that plot of land.
455
00:18:03,170 --> 00:18:04,670
And I know that with enough time
456
00:18:04,670 --> 00:18:07,170
I can build a perfect little
house for my wife and me.
457
00:18:07,670 --> 00:18:09,170
If you take my offer
458
00:18:09,170 --> 00:18:11,170
I can give you
a check right now.
459
00:18:11,170 --> 00:18:12,680
We sold the hellhole!
460
00:18:12,670 --> 00:18:14,180
We can get
our dream house!
461
00:18:14,180 --> 00:18:15,180
I can have my own room!
462
00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:17,180
I'm the lord!
463
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:20,180
Aw, shut up.
464
00:18:20,180 --> 00:18:21,680
You know what?
465
00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:24,690
I'm not paying
for this soup.
466
00:18:24,690 --> 00:18:29,190
In fact,
I'm taking a cookie too.
467
00:18:29,690 --> 00:18:31,690
Oh!
468
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:35,200
Oh, my crown!
469
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:38,200
I broke
my freakin' crown.
470
00:18:42,700 --> 00:18:46,710
You know, Helen,
I'm starting to get
471
00:18:46,710 --> 00:18:50,210
kind of a nostalgic feeling
about this old place.
472
00:18:50,210 --> 00:18:52,210
It just passed.
473
00:18:52,210 --> 00:18:53,720
Let's blow this dump.
474
00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:55,220
Hey, just think.
475
00:18:55,220 --> 00:18:57,720
In a few minutes, we're going
to walk out this door
476
00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,220
and walk into our new house.
477
00:18:59,220 --> 00:19:00,720
Oh, do you think
we made a mistake
478
00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:02,720
by letting Brian and Casey
help us move?
479
00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:05,230
I mean, now they're
going to know where we live.
480
00:19:05,230 --> 00:19:09,230
(both laughing uncontrollably)
481
00:19:09,230 --> 00:19:10,730
I don't know why
482
00:19:10,730 --> 00:19:13,240
but I just cannot
stop smiling.
483
00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:14,240
I'll tell you why.
484
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:16,240
Joe and Helen are moving out.
485
00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:19,240
Boy... that feels
pretty good to say.
486
00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:20,240
You say it.
487
00:19:20,240 --> 00:19:22,240
"Joe and Helen
are moving out."
488
00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:24,250
You know, it is kind
of intoxicating--
489
00:19:24,250 --> 00:19:25,750
like fine champagne.
490
00:19:25,750 --> 00:19:27,250
It's better than champagne
491
00:19:27,750 --> 00:19:30,250
'cause in the morning
your headache is across town
492
00:19:30,250 --> 00:19:31,750
in its new house.
493
00:19:31,750 --> 00:19:33,260
(both laughing)
494
00:19:33,260 --> 00:19:34,760
(all laughing)
495
00:19:35,260 --> 00:19:36,760
Hey, uh, these are the last
of the boxes
496
00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:38,760
in the kitchen.
497
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:40,760
We're just going to run them
across to the new house.
498
00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:44,270
Okay. We'll finish up
and meet you over there.
499
00:19:44,770 --> 00:19:49,770
Hey... this is our last
moments living together.
500
00:19:49,770 --> 00:19:53,280
(all sighing)
501
00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:54,280
That's so sad.
502
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:55,780
Isn't it,
though?
503
00:19:55,780 --> 00:19:56,780
Yeah, miss ya.
Yeah, love you.
504
00:19:56,780 --> 00:19:58,780
Well, bro...
I know.
505
00:19:58,780 --> 00:20:00,280
Yeah. Me too.
506
00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:02,790
(door closes)
507
00:20:05,790 --> 00:20:06,790
What are you doing?
508
00:20:06,790 --> 00:20:07,790
You can't light
509
00:20:07,790 --> 00:20:09,290
a cigar in the house.
510
00:20:09,290 --> 00:20:11,790
It'll stink... oh, it's
not our house anymore.
511
00:20:11,790 --> 00:20:13,300
Fire it up, baby.
512
00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:18,800
You know, Helen, there are
certain times in a man's life
513
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:21,300
when he needs to celebrate
with a cigar.
514
00:20:21,300 --> 00:20:22,300
You're right.
515
00:20:22,300 --> 00:20:25,310
Give me a puff of that.
516
00:20:25,310 --> 00:20:28,310
I can't believe we're
finally alone in this house.
517
00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:30,310
When was the last
time that happened?
518
00:20:30,310 --> 00:20:32,820
February 16, 7:00,
for 20 minutes...
519
00:20:32,810 --> 00:20:33,820
But, uh...
520
00:20:33,820 --> 00:20:36,820
do you remember what we did
in those 20 minutes?
521
00:20:36,820 --> 00:20:37,820
Sure do.
522
00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:39,820
Well, what do you say?
523
00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:43,830
One more time
for old time's sake?
524
00:21:01,340 --> 00:21:03,850
I can't believe
we're finally alone.
525
00:21:03,850 --> 00:21:04,850
Me, neither.
526
00:21:04,850 --> 00:21:06,850
(softly):
Joe... oh, Joe....
527
00:21:06,850 --> 00:21:09,350
Honey, you know what?
Brian and Casey aren't here.
528
00:21:09,350 --> 00:21:10,850
You don't have to whisper.
529
00:21:10,850 --> 00:21:11,850
(giggling)
530
00:21:11,850 --> 00:21:13,360
(sirens approaching)
531
00:21:13,860 --> 00:21:15,360
Joe! Joe!
532
00:21:15,360 --> 00:21:17,360
Hey, we still
got neighbors.
533
00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:18,360
Smoke, Joe! Smoke!
534
00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:19,860
Trust me. I already
535
00:21:19,860 --> 00:21:21,860
got the pedal
to the metal here.
536
00:21:21,860 --> 00:21:22,860
Fire!
What?
537
00:21:26,370 --> 00:21:27,870
Your house
is on fire!
538
00:21:27,870 --> 00:21:29,370
Follow us!
539
00:21:29,370 --> 00:21:31,370
Helen, our house is on fire.
Follow them!
37257
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